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The Assembly S02E01 Stephen Fry
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00:29Transcription by ESO. Translation by —
00:30Hello. Hello. Nice to see you. Nice to see you. Nice to see you. Nice to see you. Nice to
00:32see you. Caroline. Hello. Hello there. Good to see you all. I heard you went to Breckennau Palace and do
00:40drugs, sneaking drugs and cocaine. I didn't go in order to do that. So why did you go in to
00:49Breckennau Palace? I mean, I'm not going to justify it. Right.
00:58Do you not do that no more? No. I'm a good boy now. Good.
01:06It's going to be hard. Oh, I know. I've seen it. I've seen you guys. Smiling assassins.
01:19Chardonnay, would you like to introduce us?
01:23Welcome to the Assembly, our collective of autistic, neurodiversion and non-disabled interviews. We are delighted to have you today.
01:33Our rules are no subject is out of bounds, no question is off the table, and all might happen. Please
01:40tell us who you are.
01:41Hello, I'm Stephen Fry. I'm an actor and a writer. Busy myself around the world in different things, but mostly
01:49an actor and a writer.
01:50Thank you, Stephen. Thank you. That was the easy bit. Oh, dear.
01:55Now we have Cameron. First question. Hello. Hello, Cameron.
02:01My first question is a very serious one, so just prepare yourself.
02:05Okay.
02:07You tried to kill yourself a couple of times. Are you happy to be alive now?
02:12I am, Cameron. I am happy to be alive, but it was a pretty, pretty terrible experience.
02:18Wow.
02:19I was in agony in my mind and didn't want to live, but I can't bring back that feeling, so
02:25it's a kind of alien.
02:26It's like looking at myself as another person. I compare it to if you've ever broken a leg or had
02:34a really painful injury.
02:35You know that you screamed in agony, but you can't make that pain come back to you now, can you?
02:41You can't make your leg hurt again, and it's a bit the same with the mind.
02:45So you're happy now?
02:46I think so. Like a lot of people, I almost don't dare say I'm happy, but that's stupid, because if
02:52you are happy, you should enjoy it.
02:57Thank you very much, Cameron. And do you know that your name is an anagram of romance?
03:02Oh, wow.
03:04No, I didn't know that, actually.
03:07Isn't that nice?
03:07But there you go.
03:08Yeah.
03:11Right, we're coming to Tomislav now.
03:17My first question is, can you help me meet my idol and icon and legend, the amazing human being, the
03:27Queen of Pop, Dame Céline Marie Claudette Dionne?
03:37I wish I could help you there. I'm afraid I don't know Céline Dionne.
03:42I think I was once in the same room as her, but I didn't speak to her, but she is
03:46a marvellous talent, and your admiration is focused on a very worthy, worthy idol.
03:53I'm London, that means I'm gay, a pride, LGBT. What is your advice on finding a husband, question mark?
04:00Well, I mean, it's a different world now, because so many spouses are found online.
04:07Yeah.
04:08But I guess put yourself out there in a safe and happy kind of environment, but I'm afraid I'm out
04:16of that game, and have been for 11 years since I found my husband.
04:20Because I want to find a boyfriend and be a dad one day and have a son and daughter.
04:23Oh, well, you deserve to be happy, as everyone does. I'm sure you will.
04:27Yeah. My last question, final question is, are you a top or a bottom?
04:35Another London question, I'll have an LGBT's pride question.
04:39Wow. That is as direct as it gets.
04:43You go top or top.
04:44You turn top.
04:45You turn top.
04:46I'm going to leave that a mystery for people to guess.
04:49I think that's best.
04:50Thank you for raising it a very important point.
04:52I mean, there is V in the middle, of course, versatile, is there not?
04:57Amazing. Thank you, Thomas.
04:59That was a great moment.
05:01Nicola will be next.
05:05Hello, Stephen.
05:06Hello, Nicola.
05:09What order do you wash your body parts?
05:15In what order do I wash my body parts?
05:17Yeah.
05:19In a shower, I don't use shampoo.
05:21Shampoo.
05:23No.
05:24Can't you shampoo?
05:25Just water.
05:26With the hair?
05:28Yeah.
05:29When I shampooed, I'd do my hair first.
05:31I would do my intimate areas with a sponge or, you know, one of those little...
05:37What do you call them?
05:38A shower.
05:39A shower.
05:39A shower.
05:40A scruncher.
05:41So, I think, downstairs and then upstairs.
05:45How much have you spent on cocaine?
05:49Oh, my goodness.
05:50You have spent your cocaine.
05:51Yeah.
05:51That is very...
05:52Yeah, well, you've got me there.
05:54There was a period when I was an addict to the stuff, and it was, in those days, 60 pounds
06:01a gram, and I probably wasted thousands.
06:06Where did I get the cocaine from?
06:08Where?
06:08You get a dealer.
06:09A dealer?
06:10A dealer, yeah.
06:11Wow.
06:11Where did you get that?
06:12Where did I get the dealer from?
06:13Where?
06:13A friend offers you some on one occasion when, you know, I can remember the first time I
06:18was offered the, they called it a line of cocaine, and you snort it up your nose.
06:24Like that.
06:24Up your nose?
06:25He said, oh, I got this guy so-and-so, and he gives you the number of the guy, and
06:28then
06:28you know the guy.
06:29Well, you've been drinking on crack cocaine and putting it up your nose.
06:34Yeah, up your nose.
06:35Yeah, not crack cocaine.
06:36That's your smoke, I think.
06:37I've never had that.
06:38No, you haven't had that yet.
06:39I haven't.
06:40No, don't say yet.
06:43Honestly, I know it's terrible because-
06:44Did you inject it?
06:45No, I couldn't inject myself either.
06:47Cocaine, no?
06:47No.
06:48Maybe a weight loss drug, maybe.
06:51Oh, okay.
06:51Not doing it no more?
06:52Oh, no, no.
06:53And I wouldn't recommend anybody do it, obviously.
06:56But I would also recommend, we're all very grown up about it, we understand why people
07:00seem to want to do it, and maybe find a better answer than simply condemning everybody
07:06for doing it.
07:07Because in the world, the most important thing is to be effective, not to be right.
07:11But to find a way to solve a problem.
07:14Thank you, Nicola.
07:15Yeah.
07:16Nice to meet you.
07:18You can't do this back in the palace.
07:20No, I know.
07:21It's just a mouth.
07:22You shouldn't do it anywhere.
07:23Oh, God.
07:24Right, we're coming to Harry now.
07:29Hello, sir, Stephen.
07:30How are you?
07:31Very well, thank you.
07:34I read that you are bipolar.
07:36Yes.
07:37One of my family has that.
07:39Yeah.
07:40How can I help them, please?
07:41Oh, that's such a good question.
07:43It really is.
07:46The first thing to realise is that it's an illness.
07:49It's not something that can be wished away.
07:52It is a real thing.
07:55It's worth thinking of it as being like the weather.
07:58Now, the weather is real.
08:00You can't pretend it's not raining when it's raining.
08:03You can't say, no, it's not raining.
08:05It's ridiculous.
08:06You're getting wet.
08:07It's really raining.
08:08Yes.
08:08But on the other hand, it's also true that you didn't make it rain.
08:13The rain happens.
08:15It's not your fault that it's raining.
08:18You shouldn't beat yourself up and say, why am I depressed?
08:20I shouldn't be.
08:21That's like saying it shouldn't be raining.
08:23It's not something in your control.
08:27It will eventually stop.
08:29It always has and it always will stop.
08:31And the sun will come out at some point.
08:34And so that's what it's like with a mood disorder like bipolar.
08:40And it's difficult, but it's worth remembering that it's not their personality.
08:47It's the weather inside them.
08:49And it will change.
08:52Yeah.
08:57We're going to come to Luca now.
08:58And he's got something he'd like to show you.
09:01Hey, Luca.
09:04The world is too much with us.
09:06By William Wordsworth.
09:08They're my favourite poems.
09:09Please.
09:11The world is too much with us.
09:13Late and soon.
09:15Getting and spending.
09:17We lay waste our powers.
09:20Little we know of nature that is ours.
09:22We have given our hearts away.
09:24A sordid boon.
09:28This sea that bears her bosom to the moon.
09:32The winds that will be howling at all hours.
09:34And are up gathered now like sleeping flowers.
09:38For this, for everything, we are out of tune.
09:42It moves us not.
09:44Great God.
09:45I'd rather be a pagan suckered in a creed out worn.
09:50So might I, standing on this pleasant lee, have glimpses that will make me less forlorn.
09:58Have sight of Proteus rising from the sea, or hear old Triton blow his reefed horn.
10:08My dear fellow, that's absolutely wonderful.
10:12I love that.
10:14And you delivered it with such passion and power.
10:18We are out of tune.
10:19Don't you agree?
10:20Yes.
10:21It's getting and spending.
10:23It meant a huge amount to me, Luca.
10:25And beautifully done, as you can see.
10:27I'm very moved by it.
10:28I love poetry.
10:29And that is one of my favourite poems.
10:32Beautifully done.
10:33Wonderful.
10:33Right, we've got Jacob up now.
10:37Hi.
10:39You've done adverts for Heineken, Alliance and Leicester, Twinings Tea...
10:47OK.
10:47Pioneer Hi-Fi, Walker's Crisps, Marks and Spencers, Honda...
10:55Wow, that's a lot!
10:56Virgin Media, Extra Strong Mints...
11:01After 8 Minutes, Sainsbury's, Heathrow Airport, Direct Line, EE, and finally Whitbread.
11:12Is there anything you wouldn't do for money?
11:16LAUGHTER
11:16LAUGHTER
11:17Oh, my God!
11:20Wow, you pinned me there.
11:23Nice.
11:23I am a tart.
11:25Um...
11:26You know...
11:27Yes!
11:29Thanks for reminding me.
11:32LAUGHTER
11:32My next question is, why did you go on Channel 4 in 2022 saying you were proud to be a
11:40Jew if you are an atheist?
11:44Um, because being a Jew and an atheist is not a contradiction.
11:48But plenty of Jews like me are atheists.
11:51Sigmund Freud, Albert Einstein were Jews.
11:53Oh!
11:54And they, if they had stayed in Germany and Austria, they would have been gassed and killed like any other
11:59Jew.
12:00But I went on Channel 4 to give that alternative Christmas message because there had been a disturbing rise in
12:07anti-Semitism.
12:08And, you know, desecration of Jewish shops and, you know, swastikas on Jewish gravestones and all these sort of things.
12:14Yeah, it's terrible.
12:15I thought of my mother in particular.
12:17I think you know she's still alive.
12:19And she always had, as her parents did, a faith in coming to Britain was a place of openness for
12:25Jews and that they would be as welcomed as all immigrants were.
12:30And they would be just horrified.
12:33All these, you know, terrible things happening in the world.
12:35But we've got to stop making them reduced to racial hatred because that's never going to solve anything.
12:43Yeah.
12:46Ben, you're up.
12:49All right.
12:51So, my first question, it's a bit of a touchy one.
12:55All right.
12:56So, you attended a funeral and you were sat next to Paul McCartney.
13:03Oh, yes.
13:04How did you feel when Paul McCartney said to you, shut up, you can't sing?
13:10I actually felt justified because I know I can't sing.
13:14We had this mutual friend, John Schlesinger, film director, and it was his funeral.
13:19And during the singing, I did what I always did.
13:21I mimed.
13:22Yeah.
13:23Like that.
13:25And Paul turned to me and said, Stephen, you're not singing.
13:27Why aren't you singing?
13:29You should be singing.
13:30I said, Paul, I can't sing.
13:31He said, everybody can sing.
13:33Sing.
13:33So, the next one, I started singing.
13:35And he turned around and said, you're right.
13:36You can't sing.
13:37Shut up.
13:39So, I wasn't the least bit offended.
13:42I thought, yes, it's now official.
13:44Yeah.
13:44Do you know, I'll tell you a story.
13:46Yeah.
13:47I used to do this program called Saturday Live and Hugh Laurie and I would do sketches together.
13:52And in one of them, we were doing this thing.
13:54And I suddenly realized on, like, Thursday, Hugh, if we're doing the sketches the way we've written it,
13:59it means I've got to sing that song.
14:01I said, you know I can't.
14:02He said, no, I've heard you can sing if you're relaxed.
14:05Have you considered hypnotism?
14:08And I'd never considered it.
14:09And I found one.
14:10It was in central London.
14:11And I called up his office.
14:12And he was Hungarian, which somehow made it rather wonderfully.
14:15The thick Hungarian accent.
14:18So, he said, what is it you want of me?
14:21I want you to put your hands on your knees.
14:24And now you feel I am lowering you down a well.
14:28All right.
14:29So, it gets darker and darker and darker into the well.
14:34And you see the little, little disk of light at the top is getting smaller and smaller.
14:40And my voice is the rope that keeps you safe as you go down into the dark.
14:45And I was going down and it really worked.
14:46I was hypnotized.
14:47So, he said, now when you're doing this program tomorrow, what is the line that your friend gives you before
14:56you have to sing?
14:56And I said, well, actually, he says, hit it, bitch.
15:00Which is, which is what he says.
15:02And he said, hit it, bitch?
15:04Is what he said?
15:05I said, yeah.
15:06He said, all right, all right.
15:08This is what he says.
15:10That is a good cue.
15:11When you hear the words, hit it, bitch, you will be completely relaxed and you will be able to sing
15:21as if alone in the shower.
15:23And now I pull on the rope and you come up the veil.
15:26Yeah.
15:26And we did the sketch.
15:27And I did sing.
15:28I was relaxed.
15:29I wonder if it would still work for, like, any future sketches.
15:32I don't know.
15:33I shall have to find out.
15:34All right.
15:35It was a pleasure chatting to you.
15:36Thank you very much, Ben.
15:38That was great.
15:39Can I come to Claire now?
15:41Hello, Stephen.
15:42I'm Claire.
15:43Hello, Claire.
15:44You're 30 years older than your husband.
15:49Me and my girlfriend have an age gap.
15:51I'm 38 and she's 21.
15:54What do you say to people who don't like age gap relationships?
16:00I feel a bit sorry for them.
16:02I don't see why they should have such an opinion about things.
16:06But the only thing that matters in a relationship is love.
16:11And if you feel it and it's felt on both sides and it's not an exploitative relationship.
16:16I mean, I would say to people that in our relationship, Elliot has all the power, really.
16:23He makes a lot of the decisions about things because I trust him, too.
16:28It just, it works for us extremely well.
16:31And if people don't like it, well, sod them.
16:35I find age is just a number at the end of the day.
16:36As long as you're happy, that's the main thing.
16:39You're right, Claire.
16:39Absolutely right.
16:41Yeah.
16:42Yeah.
16:43Thank you very much.
16:44That was lovely.
16:45OK, next we're going to hear from Jin.
16:47Good job.
16:49Hi, Stephen.
16:50My name is Jin, like to drink.
16:52Oh, wonderful.
16:53Who's your favourite world wrestling entertainment superstar?
16:57WWE!
16:59Let me know now, Stephen.
17:02Please.
17:03Well, this is all due to my husband.
17:05My husband, when he was a teenager, was very fond of WWE.
17:09WWE!
17:10WWE!
17:10His favourite was Shawn Michaels, The Heartbreak Kid.
17:13I like The Undertaker, and Roman Reigns is very fine.
17:17Brock, he's in Smashing Machine.
17:18Brock Lesnar's a stone-cold Steve Austin.
17:22Steve Austin!
17:23People think, Stephen, you can't like wrestling, but I actually do.
17:26So I would say probably The Undertaker is my favourite.
17:29Hey, Steve.
17:30Thank you very much, Jin.
17:32We're going to hear from Huey now.
17:35Good morning.
17:36Huey, hi.
17:38As a humanist, do you think you'd believe in no life after death because you think God would hate you?
17:44Well, no.
17:45I just...
17:47I would call myself a humanist.
17:49I think it's a good word.
17:50That's to say humanists put humans at the centre of our own destiny.
17:54We make our own lives.
17:56You know, we're not told what to think by a group that claims to have secret answers written in a
18:03book.
18:04Our holy text is experience.
18:06What we see in the world, what we understand from evidence.
18:10My belief is anybody who tells you they know what happens to a human being after they're dead is either
18:15a liar or a fool.
18:17Because nobody knows.
18:18You just don't.
18:21And, personally, I think if you believe there is no life after death, it means you value life so completely
18:28because this is it.
18:29And the idea that it's not enough is extraordinary to me.
18:33People say, oh, this can't be all there is.
18:35What?
18:35It isn't enough for you that there's Africa and Iceland and that there's waterfalls and fields and deserts and more
18:44animals than you can count.
18:45More species of beetle alone than can be catalogued.
18:49There is such richness, diversity, beauty and astonishing variety in this world that the idea of saying, oh, there's got
18:55to be more than this.
18:56It just seems to me so arrogant and stupid to embrace everything we have because this is it.
19:03It's our life and it's precious.
19:07That was so nice.
19:14This is quite something, really.
19:16Yeah.
19:17Do you need a walk or anything?
19:19No, I'm fine.
19:20Thanks.
19:21Here we go.
19:21You can't talk to me right now.
19:25I wish I knew how it would feel to be free.
19:40I
19:41Wish I could break all the chains
19:50Holding me
19:56Hit it bitch
20:06Sail out, sail clear
20:10For the whole round world to hear
20:15I wish I could share
20:19All the love that's in my heart
20:23Remove all the laws
20:27That keep us apart
20:31Oh, I wish you could
20:34Know what it means to break me
20:39Then you'd see and agree
20:43That everyone should be free
21:05I wish I could give
21:09All I'm longing to give
21:13I wish I could live
21:17Like I'm longing to live
21:21Here we go
21:22Oh, I wish I could do
21:25All the things that I can do
21:29Though I'm way overdue
21:34I'll be starting to do
21:37Well, I wish I could be
21:42Like a bird in the sky
21:46How sweet it would be
21:50How sweet it would be
21:51If I found I could cry
21:54Oh, I saw two sun
21:59And look down
22:01And look down
22:02At the sea
22:03That I'd say
22:05Cause I know
22:07Yeah
22:07That I'd say
22:09Cause I know
22:11Yeah
22:11That I'd say
22:13Cause I know how it feels to be free.
22:48Brilliant stuff and cracking song choice.
22:51And Nicholas Sturgeon is in the hot seat next this Friday at 10 o'clock.
22:55And if you've been affected by the issues raised in tonight's programme,
22:59you can find details of organisations offering support on our website, stv.tv slash advice.
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