- 8 hours ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:02Don't look away
00:16I might just do this all day
00:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:32Welcome!
00:34Welcome to a brand-new series of Taskmaster!
00:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:41Five fresh comedians have been prepared in our laughter kitchen
00:45and are about to be thrown into the buffet of fun
00:48to see if any of them have what it takes
00:50to be a main course at the Giggle Feast.
00:52I hope so.
00:53I am Henry VIII of Chuckles,
00:56and my big belly is in need of laughs.
00:58Yum-yum!
01:00So, let's meet our new cast of competitors
01:03and marvel at their reputations and stature
01:07while they're still intact.
01:09Please welcome...
01:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:27And next to me, a man who admitted to me when he was tipsy
01:30that if he'd been alive in the war,
01:32he probably would have defected to Mussolini's Italy.
01:35LAUGHTER
01:36Because he loves pasta
01:38and he doesn't believe in freedom.
01:41LAUGHTER
01:42It hits!
01:43LAUGHTER
01:44Billy Alex Horne!
01:46APPLAUSE
01:48Right, you're half right.
01:50Hello!
01:51Hello!
01:52What's the first prize task of the series, please,
01:54with Alex Horne?
01:55Well, Greg, you told them your problem,
01:58and they're here to help because the category is
02:01the thing most likely to deter people from your premises.
02:05LAUGHTER
02:06Yes.
02:07And this guy's got property coming out of his backside.
02:09Greg will give five points to the thing he thinks is most likely
02:12to deter people from their premises,
02:14and all five deterrents will head home with the episode winner.
02:17But for now, Greg, it's back to you and your backside big time.
02:20Here we go.
02:21Thank you so much.
02:22Mm-hm.
02:22Amy, welcome to the show.
02:23Hello.
02:24What have you bought to deter people from my property?
02:27Very simple.
02:28Mrs Clatterbottom.
02:29This is Mrs Clatterbottom, Greg.
02:37Full size.
02:39Yeah, she's good.
02:40She's good!
02:41Where did you get Clatterbottom?
02:42So, my friend hand-painted this mask, Mrs Clatterbottom.
02:49Ooh!
02:51And what's your plan to deter people from property?
02:53Are you going to put it in the window?
02:54Yeah.
02:55Like, Home Alone style-y.
02:57You know when a light goes on, when you go into a garden or something?
03:01Yeah.
03:01I think the light will actually go on in the living room,
03:03and you'll walk down the path and then the light will come on
03:06and Clatterbottom will be there.
03:07Clatterbottom's there?
03:08Yeah.
03:09I'm never going to break into that house.
03:11Well, that's a good start.
03:11It's one of the strongest starts we've ever had.
03:13Well done.
03:14It doesn't mean it won't come last.
03:16LAUGHTER
03:19Can you beat Clatterbottom?
03:20Well, look, I've gone, like, just no-nonsense.
03:23But I've just put... I'll sign up my gate, which is...
03:25Is this?
03:26This sign here.
03:27This sign here, and...
03:28Yeah.
03:28LAUGHTER
03:29I've just got an extra layer of security.
03:32LAUGHTER
03:34Yeah.
03:35Which, as we all know, don't really exist.
03:37LAUGHTER
03:38So, are you presuming that people trying to break into your house
03:41are going to be like,
03:42Oh, no, I'll have to pay £15 to go rob stuff from?
03:45I mean, if someone's going to steal from me,
03:47I might as well make some money from it.
03:49LAUGHTER
03:51I mean, sometimes you're going to have to suspend disbelief on this show.
03:55LAUGHTER
03:56These have been good, Joanna.
03:58Now, someone's going to mess up.
03:59Right.
04:00What have you brought me?
04:00I have brought in a mould of my own head, which I've dressed up,
04:05and a sign inviting people to come and join me in my hot tub.
04:09LAUGHTER
04:10Oh, no.
04:12LAUGHTER
04:14Ah!
04:16This is a mould...
04:17I did a film years ago, and I had to have a lobotomy in it,
04:21and so they did, like, a mould thing of my head
04:24where they put, like, this green, alginate sort of stuff on it,
04:27and so they gave me this head at the end of filming,
04:30and I was like, well, I've got nothing to do with it,
04:32so I put it in my parents' wardrobe.
04:33And then my son, who's ten, a while ago, found it.
04:37I've never had so much information in my life.
04:39LAUGHTER
04:40I own this sign, but I do think if someone has a sign...
04:44I don't have a hot tub, but I do have this sign.
04:47And if somebody, I think, asks you to go and sit in a hot tub with them
04:50to relax and sing and laugh, I wouldn't go anywhere near that house.
04:54OK, I'm going to have to develop some rules for you.
04:57LAUGHTER
05:03Normally, someone's been absolutely rubbish by now,
05:06and I've had to shout at them.
05:08Hello, Joel.
05:09LAUGHTER
05:10It is a glittery frame,
05:14and inside that glittery frame is my son's umbilical core.
05:18LAUGHTER
05:19Oh, it's good.
05:22LAUGHTER
05:23I loved my son, but that bit of congealed blood and skin,
05:27I don't want to be framed.
05:29Whose idea was it?
05:30Because it's like a nice thing when it gets, you know...
05:32But it's not a nice thing, is it? We agree.
05:34Absolutely.
05:35Yeah, but I didn't know that's what it looks like when it dries.
05:38Ah.
05:39So it was, like, appealing when it was wet?
05:42LAUGHTER
05:45Imagine if that was, like, hung on my door.
05:47OK.
05:48You know, you'd be like, whoa, whoa, this...
05:50I've got to go now.
05:52LAUGHTER
05:54Thieves around Britain are going to be ready for you.
05:57LAUGHTER
05:57It's incredible.
05:59Kamal, hello.
06:00What have you brought me?
06:00I think this sign speaks for itself.
06:03Yes, Kamal has brought this in.
06:06LAUGHTER
06:10Nobody's going in there.
06:11Is this a real Department of Homeland Security sign?
06:14No, it's not a real one, Greg.
06:16I'm trying to stay away from where the real signs are.
06:20LAUGHTER
06:21It's strong. OK.
06:23Here come my points.
06:24I'm giving Joel's horrible umbilical cord one point.
06:27Not because it's not fascinating,
06:28but because it wouldn't stop me from robbing him.
06:31Now, Department of Homeland Security is going to put me off over here.
06:34Oh, it's over here, right.
06:38They don't have jurisdiction.
06:40LAUGHTER
06:40Fuck.
06:41LAUGHTER
06:43Two points to Kamal.
06:45OK.
06:45I very much found it amusing, Armando,
06:48but if I was a really committed villain,
06:50I don't think I'd get £15 out three points.
06:53Right.
06:53And then we're up to the two creepy women.
06:55LAUGHTER
06:56I'll just do it on gut instinct.
06:58I found Clatterbottom slightly more creepy than Lobotomy Girl.
07:01Four points to you, five points to you.
07:03Well done.
07:03APPLAUSE
07:08What is the first task proper of the series, please, Alex?
07:12Well, it's actually something a little...
07:16BUZZER
07:17Oh, my God.
07:18Wait.
07:19Wait.
07:20Oh, fuck.
07:22LAUGHTER
07:23What's going on?
07:25Oh, God.
07:27I've got an egg.
07:28You've got a what?
07:29There's no one else got an egg.
07:31Can we see your egg?
07:31LAUGHTER
07:33Oh, my God.
07:36Oh, no.
07:37Yeah, I see what's happened here, Greg.
07:38There's a chance I might have forgotten to give this one to everyone.
07:42LAUGHTER
07:42Oh, no.
07:45Oh, no.
08:00Oh, no.
08:03Closer than I expected.
08:05So, there's something in your pigeonhole, Joel.
08:11Can I?
08:11Mm-hm.
08:13Protect this egg.
08:15It's in your pigeonhole.
08:17That's my egg?
08:18That's my egg?
08:19You must have this egg with you, unseen, for every task and every episode in the studio.
08:27LAUGHTER
08:27Wow.
08:28You must hand Alex your wholly intact egg within 30 seconds every time the egg timer goes off.
08:38If you mention damage or lose your egg, you are disqualified. Your time starts now.
08:46Oh, there's the egg.
08:47And I can't damage it.
08:49No, you've got about six months.
08:50Six months.
08:51Do you want a little practice?
08:54No!
08:57That was well within time.
08:58OK, you can go now.
09:01Bye-bye.
09:02APPLAUSE
09:04So sorry.
09:05Yeah.
09:07This is so mad.
09:09I'm so sorry.
09:10I don't know what happened.
09:11That was...
09:11The whole time that we were backstage, I was like,
09:14oh, where is everyone else's egg?
09:16LAUGHTER
09:19No, I'm so sorry, Joel.
09:20I'm so sorry.
09:21And also, you'll notice it didn't say, if you do it, you'll get any points.
09:24So it's, um...
09:26LAUGHTER
09:28I guess it's up to you, Greg, if we get to episode 10
09:30and he's still got the egg and he still reveals it on the horn...
09:33Oh, no, there'll be no points.
09:36LAUGHTER
09:40OK.
09:40Well, that's going to be a lot of fun for everyone.
09:43LAUGHTER
09:44And now, as if things couldn't get any better,
09:46I've got worms!
09:48Oh.
09:55MUSIC PLAYS
09:56MUSIC PLAYS
10:02Caravan?
10:03Yeah.
10:03Yeah, why not?
10:04Are you a caravan guy?
10:05No, I hate them.
10:09I like this.
10:10Yeah.
10:11I like that cat and I'd have that in my house.
10:15And there's a lot of things I'd have here in my house.
10:17Right, well, we'll keep an eye on you then.
10:19LAUGHTER
10:21Why aren't you inside?
10:22Sometimes I go outside.
10:25Doesn't look like it.
10:27LAUGHTER
10:28Find a worm.
10:29Find a worm.
10:31Find a worm.
10:31Find a worm.
10:32Fastest wins.
10:32Your time starts now.
10:33Let's go.
10:34OK, find a worm, find a worm, find a little worm.
10:38A worm, find a worm.
10:40What does that mean?
10:42Ah, do you not have worms in America?
10:45LAUGHTER
10:47We have worms.
10:48Well, find one then.
10:51APPLAUSE
10:57I think we should just crack on with it, really.
10:59OK, and we're going to initiate, invertebrate, investigate
11:02with Amy Gledhill and Joanna Page.
11:05WHISTLE BLOWS
11:05My automatic thought is to go into the garden and dig it up,
11:09but that would be cruel,
11:11and there probably isn't going to be a worm in the garden.
11:14There's going to be a worm here somewhere.
11:17Find a worm, find a worm.
11:19Find a worm.
11:20Find a worm.
11:20Yeah, any worm.
11:21Any worm.
11:22But then what about an earworm?
11:24Like, what's it called when there's a worm in your ear?
11:26I think you said it.
11:28An earworm.
11:29An earworm.
11:29Like an actual worm.
11:32Find a worm.
11:34Find a worm.
11:36A worm.
11:37Find a worm.
11:38Where would a worm be?
11:39Where would a worm be?
11:41Find a worm.
11:42A worm.
11:42A worm.
11:44No, you're a duck.
11:46It can't be that I'm digging for worms, can it?
11:50Find a worm.
11:55What are these?
11:56Maggots?
11:57Ah!
11:59Right.
12:00They're maggots.
12:01They're not worms, are they?
12:02Is that a worm?
12:04Might be.
12:06It's not a worm, because I know it's not a worm.
12:10Right.
12:10That's a worm.
12:12Oh, you've got a mealworm.
12:13That's a mealworm.
12:14Yeah, lovely.
12:15Lovely.
12:16We're going to dig up the garden.
12:18It's like when it's been raining.
12:20That's when they come up.
12:21Yeah.
12:22There's going to be hundreds in a minute.
12:27Oh!
12:28Oh, my God!
12:29I found a worm!
12:30I found a worm!
12:32I found a worm!
12:32I don't want to touch it, because I don't like touching them.
12:35I found a worm.
12:37You found a worm.
12:38I found a worm.
12:40I found a worm.
12:40I've probably touched that.
12:46Well, I think we know who the BBC are coming to, and Attenborough finally retires.
12:51LAUGHTER
12:52There was quite a long period of that VT that you were just both walking around saying,
12:57find a worm.
12:58And I sort of imagined if one of your family members that have been there,
13:02they'd have turned to me and gone, she does this.
13:04LAUGHTER
13:06Where do we stand on mealworms being worms or not?
13:10Well, I'll tell you now.
13:10I'm making a judgement.
13:11The mealworms are worms.
13:12So, if that was presented, it's a worm.
13:14OK.
13:15Well, Joanna, 14 minutes 30 till she charmed the worm out of the ground, unharmed.
13:19But Amy, you won't believe it, 3 minutes 35 to find a worm.
13:23A worm.
13:24Wow.
13:25I would have said if she was saying find a worm for one hour.
13:29LAUGHTER
13:29OK.
13:30That's the end of part one, and time for our first break of the series.
13:34But first, let's see how their nerves are holding up, because...
13:37BUZZER
13:37Oh, stop it.
13:39LAUGHTER
13:40Yay!
13:42APPLAUSE
13:43Quick!
13:43Quick!
13:44Quick!
13:46We'll see you soon.
13:57APPLAUSE
13:59Well, welcome back to Taskmaster, where it's very early in the series
14:04and we've already lowered the bar with a worm-finding task.
14:08LAUGHTER
14:09Yes, Greg, you're absolutely right.
14:10Amy and Joanna went first and succeeded,
14:13which proves that the early birds do catch the worms.
14:15I think that's fine to say.
14:16And we're now going to give two Hollywood superstars a reality check
14:21by making them look for worms just like the rest of us have to.
14:24It's Armando Iannucci and Kumail Nanjiani.
14:28OK, where would a worm be?
14:31Early birds?
14:32Early birds get worms?
14:34You want me to find you an early bird?
14:35Would it have a worm in its mouth?
14:37Not at this time of day.
14:38LAUGHTER
14:41You're looking for a worm?
14:42That's not it.
14:44What do you mean, find a worm?
14:46It's a little wiggly, guys.
14:50Oh, my God.
14:54Have you ever looked for a worm before?
14:55I don't think I have.
14:57I get that impression.
14:58I don't... I've never been into worms.
15:00Are those worms?
15:01I don't know, really.
15:03They are.
15:04They're up to you, really.
15:05They're called mealworms.
15:06Can you search, is a mealworm a worm?
15:10OK.
15:11No, a mealworm is not a true worm.
15:13It's the larval stage of a darkling beetle.
15:17I should not have had you search for that.
15:20Right, books in books were a bookworm.
15:22A bookworm.
15:23I love books, so I'm a bookworm.
15:25I am a bookworm.
15:28And this is a reminder of the other sort of worm.
15:32And, you know, that's it.
15:33Would you like me to stop the clock?
15:34I think so.
15:36I mean, in my head, it stopped a long time ago.
15:42What am I doing?
15:44I sit here.
16:01Oh, my God.
16:02That's a worm.
16:03I just got a flashback to when my cat had something like this.
16:07I saw one coming out of my cat's...
16:09Wormhole?
16:10Out of my cat's wormhole.
16:13I saw one coming out of my cat's wormhole.
16:18I saw one coming out of my cat's wormhole.
16:21There's this trend, Armando, on this show where...
16:25And I speak of a man of a certain vintage.
16:28Thank you very much.
16:28Where I find myself pointing out how grumpy and or disinterested people of a certain vintage can sometimes appear on
16:36this show.
16:36You're the first to do both.
16:38Yeah.
16:39But, in the final analysis, pretty good, I thought.
16:43I'm buying bookworms straight away.
16:45Oh, fantastic.
16:45There we go.
16:45Yeah, you like that.
16:46So, of the three we've done, two of them have not found worms.
16:49LAUGHTER
16:54Mealworm is not a worm and a bookworm.
16:57And mealworm is a worm.
16:58It's not a worm.
17:00LAUGHTER
17:01I've already given the points, then.
17:03Yes, stop.
17:03No, you haven't.
17:04I have.
17:05I will stop.
17:06I love you, Amy.
17:07And I do think, OK, you know what?
17:09You're right.
17:10Yeah, yeah, yeah.
17:12LAUGHTER
17:13She should certainly have a point.
17:14Well, just one sweet little boy left to go.
17:17It's Joel Domit.
17:20I know exactly where to look.
17:23I'm going in the kitchen right now.
17:36Is that well? Is that well known?
17:37I've stopped the clock.
17:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
17:43Oh, God.
17:46I wrote, your enthusiasm was infectious,
17:49you were so pleased that you'd remembered the worm,
17:52but I was a teacher for many years,
17:53and if you'd invaded my space, like you did with Alex,
17:57it would have resulted in retribution.
17:59LAUGHTER
18:00It's long since not been acceptable in schools.
18:04LAUGHTER
18:07He's an excited boy, isn't he?
18:08Yes, but who wouldn't be?
18:10He's an excited boy.
18:10You'd be excited if you found a worm in 21.8 seconds.
18:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
18:15Beautiful point.
18:16Yeah.
18:16And that boy gets the full five points.
18:18Joel, 21.8 seconds.
18:21Yeah.
18:23But then it gets interesting.
18:24We have Amy in second place.
18:26Joanna, third place.
18:28Armando the bookworm.
18:2916 minutes and one point to Kamel.
18:31It took half an hour to find his worm.
18:35LAUGHTER
18:35Well done, Kamel.
18:36APPLAUSE
18:40Right, let's see the first scoreboard of the series, please,
18:43assistant.
18:43OK, well, unfortunately, that means, Kamel,
18:46you're in last place with three.
18:47Amy's in the lead with nine points.
18:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
18:52Well done, Amy.
18:56OK, I'd like another task.
18:58Anne, I'd like to see how they work together in teams.
19:01Ooh.
19:02It's a great call from a great guy with great thighs.
19:04Yes, it's the first team task of the series,
19:08and I, for one, am buzzing.
19:13BUZZER
19:20BUZZER
19:22Armando.
19:23Alex!
19:25Good morning.
19:26Good morning.
19:27Are these all fake?
19:28What do you mean?
19:31That's what a pineapple sounds like.
19:33Nope.
19:35Hello?
19:37Come in.
19:39Hi!
19:40Hi!
19:41Oh, my God!
19:42Hi.
19:43Hi, I'm Amy.
19:44Hi, I'm Kamel.
19:45Nice to meet you.
19:46How are you doing?
19:47I'm great.
19:48Nice to meet you.
19:49Any particular favourite amongst them?
19:51A lime.
19:53A lime.
19:54A lime.
19:55There's one particular lime.
19:57Right.
19:57Oh, hello.
19:58Hello.
19:59Hi.
19:59Hiya.
20:00Nice to see you.
20:01How long have you been here?
20:03Literally just walked in.
20:04Right?
20:05Yes.
20:05Well, off the street?
20:06Yes.
20:07No, it's around the corner.
20:09There's your buzzer, Amy.
20:11So now I'll have someone to melt down with.
20:15Hey!
20:16Hey, guys.
20:17How's it going?
20:19Hi.
20:19Oh, great.
20:20Nice to see you, Amy.
20:21Hi, I'm Kamel.
20:22You're so famous.
20:23Nice to meet you.
20:24You're so famous.
20:26You look very cool.
20:27Like a leather cap.
20:29Look how cool.
20:30Thanks, man.
20:31I wonder what that is.
20:33Would you like one as well, Joanna?
20:34Yes, please.
20:37Joel, like me, if you Google you, the second picture is you without a shirt.
20:43I'm frustrated it's not the first.
20:44Wow!
20:46Oh, my gosh.
20:47Shall we open it together?
20:47Yes.
20:48Come on, then.
20:48Right, go.
20:51Right.
20:52Give Greg five foods correctly.
20:55When the buzzer buzzes, give Greg one food.
20:57If you give Greg the wrong food, you must start again.
21:00If your buzzer does not buzz, you must stay in this room.
21:04First team to give Greg five correct foods wins.
21:08You have a maximum of 35 minutes and your time starts immediately.
21:11Who's Greg?
21:13Look, have you seen the show?
21:15Oh, Greg!
21:18SHE SINGS
21:19SHE SINGS
21:20SHE SINGS
21:27SHE SINGS
21:28I was in the moment, and because you weren't in the room at that time,
21:37I was like, oh, my God, what's going on, what have I got to look at?
21:40Who's Greg?
21:41LAUGHTER
21:43Hey, let's see the teams in action, can we?
21:46Yes.
21:46And we're going to begin by seeing if the team of three figured it out.
21:49It's Joel, Amy and Kumail.
21:52Here we go.
21:54SHE SINGS
21:55Oh, it's buzzing!
21:57We have to give him a correct food.
21:59I'm going to go orange, potentially nectarine, potentially...
22:03Let's try it.
22:06All right, yes.
22:09He said, all right, yes.
22:10OK.
22:11It's me, it's me.
22:13Shall we go for another fruit?
22:14A pineapple?
22:17A pineapple?
22:18Oh, yes.
22:19Yes!
22:19He liked the pineapple!
22:21He liked the pineapple.
22:21He liked the pineapple.
22:21He liked the pineapple.
22:22OK.
22:23All right.
22:24Uh...
22:24Onion.
22:25Onion.
22:26Onion.
22:26Onion.
22:28This is...
22:29Is...
22:30Is...
22:30Is...
22:30Is...
22:30Is...
22:30Is...
22:30Is...
22:31Is...
22:34Is...
22:35Oh, no.
22:37Ugh.
22:39Bad news, guys.
22:41Oh, shit.
22:42OK.
22:43OK.
22:43OK.
22:44OK.
22:44So, these are the ones we know he likes.
22:46Yeah.
22:48OK.
22:49Yes.
22:49Yes.
22:52No, I wouldn't have thought so, no.
22:54Oh, God.
22:55OK.
22:56Doesn't lie the pea.
22:57Doesn't lie the pea.
22:58Doesn't lie the pea.
22:58OK.
22:58The carrot goes there.
22:59We like it.
23:00He goes over here.
23:02Yes.
23:03Yes!
23:04Guys, we just need one more.
23:05That was good.
23:05He likes it.
23:06Oh, my God.
23:07We just need one more.
23:09Yes, please.
23:11Mmm.
23:12Love the cucumber.
23:13OK.
23:13So, we've got it all.
23:14We just have to wait until they buzz and then we can go.
23:17OK.
23:18Oh, this is fun now.
23:20OK.
23:20Now we can just enjoy it.
23:21Wow, we really, really nailed that one.
23:25No.
23:26No?
23:27What?
23:29He said no.
23:29He said no to carrot.
23:31He suggested carrot before.
23:32So, there's an order.
23:34OK.
23:34So, he liked this, then this.
23:38The mood has really changed.
23:44Yes?
23:45Yes.
23:45What do you want, Greg?
23:51Was that always there?
23:52The drink price?
23:53Because there are five things there.
23:55There's one over here as well.
24:00It says instead of time starts now, it says time starts immediately.
24:04And your time starts immediately.
24:07Why is it immediately instead of now?
24:10Is it syllables like, and your time starts immediately.
24:15Egg, meat, fruit, protein, vegetables.
24:17Oh.
24:19Each one has more letters than the last.
24:23Each one has more.
24:26Can we go up from orange?
24:29Carrot.
24:30Oh.
24:33Yes.
24:37Yes.
24:38And how much time do we have left?
24:39You've got about 40 seconds.
24:41Oh.
24:43Oh, this is great, guys.
24:44This feels real.
24:45We've got...
24:45We don't have much time left.
24:46Give us a buzz.
24:47Give us a buzz.
24:47Give us a buzz.
24:49Oh, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go,
24:51go, go.
24:52This is like that final scene in the Eternals.
24:54You've never seen it.
24:55I've seen it.
24:56Oh, damn.
24:58Yes, please.
24:59Yes.
24:59One more, one more, one more.
25:0015 seconds.
25:02Oh.
25:04Everybody come here.
25:05Whoever it is will run.
25:08Buzz.
25:09Make a buzz.
25:11Oh, yes.
25:17Yes.
25:18Yes.
25:18Yes.
25:18Yes.
25:20Guys, we get it.
25:21That was...
25:22It takes forever.
25:29Well, it was a shaky start when I witnessed two grown adults turn into, like,
25:34take that fun.
25:36LAUGHTER
25:37So...
25:38LAUGHTER
25:40LAUGHTER
25:40But, every time I left, we were like...
25:43WHISTLE BLOWS
25:49Although, actually, we were a pretty cohesive team, I thought.
25:52They were a good team.
25:53They were working well.
25:54Mm-hm.
25:54Amy, what was all that syllable bullshit towards the end, though?
25:57What was all that?
25:58In primary school, you go, who is Greg?
26:02Alex.
26:02Two syllables.
26:03Yeah.
26:04How does it apply to this task?
26:06Sorry.
26:08The words were getting bigger.
26:11She was on the right line.
26:12So, was it Amy that worked out that the words were getting bigger?
26:15Yeah.
26:15Yeah, that there were more syllables, yeah.
26:17Ah.
26:18I apologise for calling your system bullshit.
26:21Apology!
26:22ACCEPT IT!
26:23LAUGHTER
26:26APPLAUSE
26:29OK, advert time.
26:31Have a break.
26:31Have some tea.
26:32Leave your man.
26:33Come back to me.
26:39APPLAUSE
26:45Hello again.
26:46It's the third part of the show, and it's a team task in play.
26:50Alex, what's the deal?
26:51Oh, hey, mate.
26:52Yeah, they're trying to give your strategy five correct foods.
26:57The team of three managed to work out that it's all about delivering the food
27:00in order of the number of letters in each item's name.
27:03And they delivered the goods just in time.
27:05But it's fastest wins, so how will the other team get on?
27:08Representing Scotland and Italy and Wales,
27:10it's Armando and Armando and Joanna.
27:13Right, there's a pineapple here.
27:15Is it stuff that's in here?
27:17Yeah.
27:18Oh, it's you, it's you!
27:22All right, yes.
27:24Yes!
27:25Why do we have such a long time?
27:27It's because we've got to discover things.
27:30Food!
27:31Egg, meat, fruit, protein, vegetables.
27:34So, what, meat?
27:35Meat!
27:36It's you again.
27:37Give him the meat.
27:38Oh, right, hang on.
27:42I'm afraid it's a no.
27:44Oh, fuck off.
27:46It's really nice as a person I've met him.
27:49He's a lot slower than me.
27:51It sort of highlights my manicness.
27:54That was a rejection.
27:55No way!
27:56No, I know.
27:56Oh, my God, so we've got to start again.
27:58We've got to start again.
27:59Oh, you're buzzing now, Joanna.
28:00We need to do them in order.
28:02Oh, you've got to go.
28:02I'm going to go and get an egg from the kitchen.
28:05Right, OK.
28:05How are you finding Bea on a team with Joanna so far?
28:07It's, er, it's certainly, er, walking me up.
28:11Right, you've got an egg.
28:13Yes.
28:13Ooh!
28:15I think she's got high expectations of you on them.
28:19What?
28:20Nothing.
28:21She said yes.
28:23Excellent.
28:23Maybe we should go for meat a second.
28:25Or egg, meat.
28:27I think yes on this occasion.
28:30Yes.
28:31On this occasion.
28:31Oh, my God, I need a fruit now.
28:33We've got you a pineapple.
28:36Oh, yes.
28:37Oh, yes, brilliant.
28:39So, we've got to find a protein.
28:41What about that?
28:43Because that...
28:43Or will you just go, that is just basically a cow.
28:47Nice.
28:48Oh!
28:51Oh, I've broken the egg.
28:52I've broken the egg.
28:56Five years, I'm afraid.
28:57Oh, you are kidding me.
28:59I've broken the egg.
29:00I've broken the egg.
29:01Right, we're going with our trusty egg.
29:04Yes.
29:05Cool.
29:06Yes.
29:07We're trying an orange this time.
29:09Yes, please.
29:10I just wonder if it's spelling out E-B-O.
29:14E-B-O.
29:16No.
29:17It can't spell out Ebola.
29:22Five, breast, chicken.
29:24Do you like it?
29:25All right, then.
29:26Yes.
29:26Cool.
29:27Five foods.
29:28Oh.
29:30Shall we just go for it?
29:31Let's see what happens.
29:31Okay.
29:33Cauliflower, Greg, but we don't know why.
29:35Ooh, yes.
29:36Oh, my God, she said yes!
29:37She said yes!
29:39Yes.
29:39Yes.
29:39Yes.
29:39Yes.
29:40Yes.
29:40I have to stop the talk.
29:42Excellent.
29:42Do you know why you've succeeded?
29:44No.
29:45LAUGHTER
29:49APPLAUSE
29:50Yeah, thank you.
29:51Brilliant.
29:52You're going to need to know.
29:53Brilliant, yeah.
29:54You're going to need to know.
29:55It's a fascinating dynamic, this.
29:57I can't wait to see this team play out.
30:01Instinctively, we were just girls.
30:02Yeah, we didn't need to know what they were.
30:04No, we didn't.
30:05We just felt that.
30:05Just as well, because you thought we were trying to get you to spell out Ebola.
30:11Ebola.
30:12LAUGHTER
30:14That does make more sense now.
30:15Yeah, yeah, yeah.
30:17LAUGHTER
30:18Shall I tell you some timings, Greg?
30:20Yes, please.
30:20Well, we know the team of three found it just in the nick of time.
30:23Nearly 35 minutes.
30:24The team of two, 21 minutes.
30:27Wow!
30:28APPLAUSE
30:28So they get the five points.
30:29That's just what we said.
30:31So how many points should the team of three get?
30:33They did succeed.
30:34They did succeed.
30:35Three points.
30:35Five and three.
30:36And three points for the team of three.
30:38Yeah, I think they're quite sharp and bad.
30:40APPLAUSE
30:41Right, another task, please.
30:42And can it be big fun on a big scale?
30:47LAUGHTER
30:47Yes and yes, because you deserve it, Greg.
30:50Also, just so you know, I'm in great shape.
30:54LAUGHTER
30:54MUSIC PLAYS
31:08APPLAUSE
31:09Let's talk about to see that.
31:14Where is he?
31:16LAUGHTER
31:23Why are you laughing?
31:24You look incredible.
31:26Well, it's a hot day.
31:28Hi, Joel.
31:29Hello, Alex.
31:32You've been working out.
31:33I need to go to the gym.
31:34You look really good.
31:36Do you mind?
31:37Yeah, go, yeah.
31:38It's so warm.
31:39I might join you.
31:40This is really exciting.
31:43Put the most T-shirts on Alex.
31:47Alex would only wear T-shirts launched from the T-shirt launcher.
31:51And onto a target according to the T-shirt launcher rules.
31:57There.
31:58If a T-shirt lands in a blue circle, Alex must wear that T-shirt.
32:03White circle, Alex must wear every T-shirt that has been fired.
32:07So the white circle is the best one.
32:10If a T-shirt lands on the central target, that T-shirt must be dunked in the bucket, then put
32:14on Alex.
32:15Then that is the end of the task.
32:17Oh, God.
32:18If a T-shirt lands in a red circle, Alex must take off every T-shirt that he's wearing.
32:23You must always launch upwards, and each T-shirt can only be launched once.
32:28If you catch the golden T-shirt, your T-shirt total will be doubled.
32:34You have 20 minutes until you run out of T-shirts.
32:37Your time starts on the whistle.
32:40Have you used a T-shirt launcher before?
32:41No, I've never used a T-shirt launcher before, Alex.
32:45What do you think my life is?
32:46I've used one before.
32:47I worked at the basketball.
32:49Uh-huh.
32:50The basketball?
32:50For the Lakers.
32:52Who's your favourite player on the Lakers?
32:54Cube.
32:54Cube.
32:55Cube is good.
32:57Fuck, he's good.
33:00APPLAUSE
33:05Right, well, Greg, Kamel is up first with Armando and George.
33:09But before we begin, I do have to give one of these health and safety warnings
33:12about the video that's coming up.
33:14Just look at the size of his arms!
33:15They're massive!
33:16OK, here we go.
33:17Here we go.
33:19OK.
33:22Just a test.
33:25Whoa!
33:30Whoa!
33:32Whoa!
33:34Whoa!
33:34Whoa!
33:37Whoa!
33:38Whoa!
33:38Whoa!
33:38Whoa!
33:39Very satisfying.
33:41I might just do this all day.
33:42I'm trying something else.
33:44OK.
33:44New strategy.
33:47It's never happened to me before.
33:51It's not usually a problem I have.
33:57That has happened to you before.
33:59Yeah, it just happened to me.
34:00Now twice in a row.
34:05Oh, no!
34:06Take it off.
34:07Well, I'm not wearing a T-shirt, luckily.
34:10OK.
34:11This is so fun, man.
34:14Oh!
34:14That one I'm flapped!
34:16Oh!
34:16Oh!
34:17Oh!
34:17Oh!
34:18Oh!
34:18Oh!
34:18Oh!
34:19Oh!
34:19Oh!
34:20Oh!
34:23Oh!
34:24A lovely launch.
34:28Yes!
34:29That's on the white!
34:30It's touching the white!
34:32I don't think it is.
34:34Stay there!
34:35OK.
34:38Is that on the white?
34:40That's not on the white either.
34:42It's golden T-shirt.
34:44Golden T-shirt time.
34:45Ah, right!
34:46OK.
34:47We've been trying to catch this, haven't I?
34:47Yeah, being careful.
34:49Being careful, yeah. Yeah.
34:50This is nerve-racking.
34:53Best of luck. Don't need it, mate.
34:55Are you good at catching?
34:56Yeah, I've been catching T-shirts my whole life.
35:06OK.
35:07Bit of extra juice.
35:14Come on! Come on!
35:19Come on! I can't even remember what it does.
35:22Right.
35:24Good job!
35:28What does it do?
35:31Oh!
35:33Yeah, it smells so bad.
35:36Good job. Pleasure, thank you.
35:38Thanks for having me.
35:42Yeah, I've never dressed someone in a wet T-shirt before, honestly.
35:4515 T-shirts left.
35:4815 T-shirts left.
35:50Oh, interesting.
35:56No. No, no, no, no, no.
35:57Oh! It's so wet.
36:00Arms up.
36:01And two.
36:02Oh, it's quite cold.
36:03Next one? Yep.
36:05Doesn't say I have to be behind the line.
36:07There is no line.
36:14Right, I've got two minutes to put on as many T-shirts as possible.
36:16You have two minutes?
36:17No, you should all put them on.
36:19Here.
36:22One and a half minutes.
36:24OK, hurry up.
36:24Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry!
36:26Is this your first day of putting on T-shirts?
36:27Come on, man.
36:28No.
36:29Why are you so bad at it?
36:31That's the end of the talk.
36:32The time's up.
36:35To think you've built this for two T-shirts.
36:38It's all coming down now.
36:44Well, goodness me, have we ever had a contrast between men?
36:49Like we have here.
36:51The opening reaction to the T-shirt launch was like,
36:54Whoa! Whoa!
36:56And then we cut over here, and it's like, oh, very satisfying.
37:01Kamal, you were a real action hero for about 30 seconds.
37:05I went, this man's going to be deadly accurate.
37:08And then it was just a total collapse.
37:11Yeah, the T-shirt dribbled out of there a couple of times.
37:14Once you stop trusting yourself, there's nowhere to go.
37:18He's right.
37:21Right, advert time.
37:23In the final part of the show, someone will feel the high of victory,
37:26and then a couple of hours later, find themselves sitting at home
37:29between Mrs Clatterbottom and a Randy mannequin,
37:32and then, and only then, will the haunting introspection begin.
37:36I'll leave it in a minute.
37:46Hello!
37:47Welcome back to the final part of the show.
37:50The current task started off promisingly in an incredible location,
37:54with a T-shirt cannon.
37:55But then, on-plodded Alex in a cheap nylon muscle T-shirt,
37:59and any hint of cool instantly vanished.
38:05It wasn't a T-shirt, and this iPad does actually play the videos,
38:09and you are definitely still six foot eight.
38:11There are only two people left to go.
38:13So, it is Amy and Joanna.
38:16This is fun!
38:18OK.
38:19Wow!
38:21Oh!
38:22Oh!
38:23Oh!
38:24Oh, my good God!
38:28Wow!
38:31Wow!
38:32Wow!
38:33Wow!
38:34Wow!
38:37Right!
38:39Well, that goes far, doesn't it?
38:41Can I take some of these T-shirts down there?
38:43Yeah, I can bring the thing down for you if you want.
38:45Oh, my God!
38:46Come on, let's go down!
38:47OK.
38:48I'm strong, remember.
38:48OK.
38:59What am I doing with the gold one now?
39:01You're trying to catch it.
39:02If you catch it, your total at the end will be doubled.
39:05Are you good at catching?
39:07Yep.
39:08OK.
39:17Ah!
39:20Oh, my God!
39:21That was incredible!
39:22I have to say, I've let myself down earlier on.
39:25But I think I brought it back with that.
39:30Oh!
39:33All I've got to do is get something on the white,
39:36and then you've got to put the loads on.
39:37Mm-hmm.
39:38Right, I'm not going to think about it.
39:41Yes!
39:42Yes!
39:43Shall I start putting them on?
39:45Yeah, start getting them on.
39:46I think I'm just going to help you put on T-shirts.
39:48They're the what?
39:52Oh, you're like a big baby!
39:54I've never had a man in front of me put his clothes on this fast before ever.
40:02Yes!
40:03You've got to dunk that in the bucket, put it on me, and that's the end of the tuff.
40:06Oh, yes!
40:10Here we go.
40:12It's like putting the condom on a sausage.
40:15Oh my gosh, this is brilliant.
40:17That's me saying...
40:18You've run out?
40:19Yeah.
40:20Just go over.
40:21Brilliant.
40:22High five.
40:23Thank you!
40:31Well, I guess the obvious first question is, have you put her condom on a sausage?
40:36Have you?
40:39Maybe one.
40:40OK.
40:42They both managed to get a lot of T-shirts on me.
40:44They were running out at the time.
40:45You dunked one at the end because you wanted to put a wet one on me.
40:48Excuse me?
40:49Time was running out.
40:49LAUGHTER
40:50So, both women got 24 T-shirts.
40:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:54Wow!
40:5524.
40:56Wow!
40:59Wow!
41:00Well, Joanna's redoubled the number of shirts you put on me.
41:02What does that do to the score?
41:03Well, it means Armando gets one point for his one T-shirt.
41:05Joel got six, so he gets two points.
41:08Kamel, 12.
41:09Three points.
41:10Amy, twice as many.
41:1124.
41:12Four points.
41:12Joanna, twice as many.
41:13Again, 48 T-shirts and five points for Joanna!
41:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:20Do you see a scoreboard, then?
41:22Sure, yes, and it does mean the women are on top.
41:25Joanna's at the top of the leaderboard with 17,
41:26then Amy on 16 points.
41:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:31All right, everyone,
41:33will you please make your way to the stage
41:35for the first final task of the show?
41:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:45Hello, my handsome prince.
41:48I'm a little worm.
41:49Hello, Greg.
41:50Hello.
41:50Who will be reading the task for us?
41:52I think Joanna Page.
41:54Ah, Joanna Page.
41:55You ready?
41:57Find four oranges.
42:00If you find an apple, you miss your next go.
42:04If you find a lemon, the order reverses.
42:07If you find a duck, you must greet the duck by name.
42:12If you find an orange, you can look under another can.
42:17Fastest to find four oranges in one turn wins.
42:21Who's starting, Alex?
42:22Amy's going to start.
42:23I've also got to say only one person gets points here.
42:26Only the orange finder gets five points.
42:29LAUGHTER
42:30Ready?
42:31Ready.
42:31Amy!
42:32Find the orange!
42:33Find the orange.
42:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:35Apple.
42:36That means...
42:37I missed my next go.
42:38You missed your next go.
42:38Amanda, you're up.
42:41Apple, you missed your next go.
42:44Lemon.
42:45That means the order reverses.
42:46You missed a go, you missed a go,
42:47so it's Camel's turn.
42:48LAUGHTER
42:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:55Hello, Dave.
42:56LAUGHTER
43:00Hello, Dr. Cooper.
43:02Hello, Dr. Cooper.
43:04Yes.
43:06Hello.
43:07Dave.
43:09Ah-ha.
43:11Please.
43:12Come on.
43:16Ah!
43:19Fuck you, Debbie.
43:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:24Yeah!
43:24Oh!
43:25Yes!
43:25Yes!
43:27Yes!
43:29Yes!
43:29Oh!
43:30How are you, daughter?
43:34Yes!
43:36Diane!
43:37Denise, you bitch!
43:39LAUGHTER
43:40Here we go.
43:41Good feeling.
43:42Good vibes.
43:43Oh!
43:45Oh!
43:48Oh!
43:49You and her are the fucking Oran.
43:51LAUGHTER
43:53Hello, Dave!
44:11Donna!
44:12Donna!
44:16He twiddles the moustache!
44:19No!
44:23Oh!
44:25Oh!
44:27Oh!
44:29Oh!
44:36Oh!
44:39Oh!
44:39Oh!
44:39Oh!
44:45Right, that.
44:51Yes!
44:53It's one of these and I can't remember which one!
44:56It was...
44:58One, two, three...
45:02Yes.
45:06Yes!
45:07Yes!
45:08Yes!
45:09Oh my God!
45:10I feel very confident.
45:12Don't listen to them!
45:14Don't listen to them!
45:15Come on, Joanna.
45:19Yes!
45:21I've always thought you'd be the one, Joanna.
45:23I always thought Joanna would be the one!
45:26Yes!
45:26Right!
45:27Feels good, doesn't it?
45:28Yes!
45:29Feels right!
45:33Joanna, this could be the greatest moment in Taskmaster history.
45:37Oh!
45:37Oh my God!
45:39Come on!
45:40Come on!
45:41Come on!
45:43Come on!
45:46Woo!
45:56You did it!
45:57Come down here, we'll let that to the final score!
45:59Come down here, we'll let that to the final score!
46:02Oh!
46:10Wow!
46:12Wow!
46:13Wow!
46:13Wow!
46:14Wow!
46:15Wow!
46:15Well, only one person was able to snuffle out the four oranges.
46:18And that was, of course, Joanna Page.
46:19You get the full five points!
46:20Go on, Joanna!
46:21Yeah!
46:23Yeah!
46:24Yeah!
46:24Snuffle!
46:25Joanna!
46:27You've truly snuffled for Wales there, Joanna.
46:30She did.
46:30Which means the final league table, we have Armando and Joel joint third on 11 points.
46:36Oh.
46:36And I say that because Joanna's got twice as many points.
46:39She's won the episode with 22 points!
46:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:42Joanna Page wins!
46:44Please pop up and claim your property to keep the folk off your property!
46:53So, what have we learnt today?
46:55Well, we've learnt that Taskmaster is the great leveller.
46:58If you take part, there is no hierarchy.
47:00There is no ego.
47:02It's just five humans being together.
47:06But also...
47:07Oh, my God, he's so famous!
47:10LAUGHTER
47:16We have begun!
47:17We'll see you soon for episode two.
47:19But for now, here is your winner for the night!
47:21Joanna Page!
47:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:40Aussie and CHEERING
47:40lists are banned every during ã‚‚' 3.
47:43Goo-foo.
47:44Please win.
47:45You'll be gone.
47:46Well done.
47:48You won.
47:51You won.
Comments