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Abbott Elementary Season 5 Episode 19
Abbott Elementary Season 5
#AbbottElementary
Reality Insight Hub
Abbott Elementary Season 5
#AbbottElementary
Reality Insight Hub
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FunTranscript
00:01Principal Coleman, we'd love to get your thoughts on a spike in teacher layoffs throughout the district.
00:05Oh, I've got thoughts for days.
00:06This Abbott life has been begging for a sit-down with Ava.
00:09I was afraid it would go off the rails, but they have some really insightful questions.
00:13I mean, this may be our best episode yet.
00:15But is this really how you want to use my airtime?
00:18Podcasts aren't for information. They're for hot takes.
00:20We love hot takes, but Mr. C thinks we should keep things school-focused.
00:24Yeah, I think it would be best if we just kind of stay...
00:26Well, I'm his boss, so overruled. No need to give me topics. I'll just go.
00:30Be our guest?
00:30An actor's height should be listed on screen whenever they appear.
00:33Even if they're short?
00:34Especially. I need to know what I'm working with. Music should not be sad.
00:38But, give me on.
00:39No, sorry. Life's hard enough.
00:42Oh, cheating is not a crime.
00:45Ava.
00:46On people or on tests?
00:48Both. I mean, you shouldn't do it, but it's not illegal. It's just a fact.
00:53I can't wait for our listeners to hear this.
01:00I've already deleted the recording.
01:16What about Rehoboth Beach?
01:17Do we really want to try something new?
01:19Yeah, somewhere neither of us have been.
01:21Are you kids planning a trip?
01:22Yeah, Gregory and I are taking our first big vacation out of state.
01:27Yeah, we want to go so far we couldn't walk there. No matter how much I believe I could.
01:30They're in the ideation phase.
01:32Well, you know, you can't go wrong with Jersey Shore.
01:35Just make sure that you call dibs on your nickname first because I was the original situation.
01:40Yeah, I think we want to go somewhere a little more not the Jersey Shore.
01:45Yeah, somewhere with outdoor activities.
01:47Yeah.
01:47Fine. Have a bad time. See what I care.
01:49Like, day drinking on the boardwalk is not an outdoor activity.
01:53How about wherever your finger lands on a spinning globe?
01:56We know the perfect place is out there for us.
01:58Yeah, we'll figure it out.
01:59My advice? Just pick somewhere good enough and make the best of it.
02:02No couple ever agrees 100% on the perfect vacation spot.
02:06Well, this couple can and will.
02:10Sorry, my bike got a flat this morning.
02:12Elijah and I broke up and my kids won't stop saying cream cheese bagel.
02:15Janine and Gregory are all I have.
02:17No designer labels. Looks like a regular outfit, right?
02:20Wrong.
02:21Those joggers? $900.
02:23It's called stealth wealth.
02:25Only another wealthy like myself could clock.
02:27Hey, hon, can I request a guest pass for Jonathan Pierce, please?
02:31Who the hell is that?
02:33Oh, he's an old student of mine.
02:35Yeah, great kid.
02:36Big, big success now, which I can't help but think maybe I got a little something to do with.
02:40What's field?
02:41Finance.
02:42And I knew he'd make it, too.
02:44Kid was always whip smart, real hustler.
02:46What's he drive?
02:47Ava, you have a boyfriend.
02:49Reflex.
02:50Yeah, I'm gonna have him talk to the kids, give him a little motivation.
02:53Well, do you at least know his net worth?
02:59Barbara, talk to your kids.
03:01They're throwing away your class snacks.
03:03What on earth are you talking about, Mr. Johnson?
03:05I'm finding stray raisins and cheese rounds all over the school.
03:08Well, it's not my children.
03:10Mm-mm.
03:10They love their snacks and always have.
03:13I know what I'm saying.
03:14They're gonna bring in the rats.
03:15And when they bring in the rats, what comes for the rats?
03:18I haven't the slightest idea.
03:20Bigger rats.
03:22Please leave, Mr. Johnson.
03:24Suit yourself.
03:25But no one listens to the bald, black, and beautiful protagonists until it's too late.
03:30Uh-huh.
03:33Hey, Jacob.
03:34We figured out where we're gonna go on vacation.
03:36And you seemed so invested earlier, we thought you should be the first to know.
03:40Yeah.
03:41Well, we are going to...
03:43The Outer Banks.
03:45Neither of us has been.
03:45It's on Essence's top ten list for vacation spots for black couples, and it looks really nice.
03:49Well, I think it's genius.
03:50I love The Banks.
03:51Inner, outer, and Elizabeth.
03:53Isn't The Outer Banks where all those white teens murder each other?
03:57No thanks.
03:58Have fun getting murked.
03:59Wait, that's just on the show, right?
04:02Yes, don't listen to her.
04:03Okay.
04:04But just to be safe, if you do see a white teen, maybe cross the street.
04:07I do that anyway.
04:08Yeah.
04:09All right, well, now that that is all settled, it's time for the fun part.
04:12The itinerary.
04:17Melissa, your rich son is here.
04:19Man, I wish. I am not that lucky.
04:21Hey.
04:22You are that rich, though.
04:23I know a $750 belt when I see one.
04:26Stealth wealth.
04:26It's great to see you, kid.
04:28Ah, it's good to see you, too.
04:30Oh, man.
04:31Everybody, this is Jonathan Pierce.
04:34He was in the first class I ever taught.
04:36And he is in town.
04:37All business.
04:38From New York City, but don't hold that against him.
04:42Say hi.
04:43Hey.
04:43Ah, okay.
04:44Well, you guys have got it good, okay?
04:46Because I would not be where I am today without Ms. Chimenti.
04:50I don't get sentimental about much, but a former student coming back and telling me I made a difference,
04:56that's right up there with an Eagles victory.
04:58You know, Jonathan, some of these kids have been talking smack about math.
05:03They think it's about as useful as a fork in a soup convention.
05:06Well, you know, I used to think the same thing.
05:09But things get a lot more interesting when you start using math to supersize your wallet.
05:14$500,000 cash or lunch with Beyonce's husband?
05:17Always take the money.
05:19Jay-Z told me that personally.
05:22Okay, everybody, hey, don't forget your homework.
05:25It could make you rich someday.
05:27All right.
05:27Get a real deal.
05:28How long you in town?
05:30A few more days, probably.
05:31Great.
05:32Come back tomorrow.
05:33I want to talk NFTs, ETFs, and WHY.
05:35They're not making me any money.
05:38Yeah, I am.
05:40I'm just so proud of you.
05:42You're talking to the kids.
05:43You're a businessman.
05:45You changed my life.
05:46You know, not everyone keeps it real with kids, but you stick it to the man.
05:50The system is corrupt, so you got to get yours.
05:53And I stand by that.
05:54So I wanted to ask you a favor.
05:56Yeah, sure.
05:56What's up?
05:57Well, I was hoping that you could write a letter about my character.
06:01Oh, for like a job?
06:02Close.
06:02For a judge.
06:03Oh, for a trial?
06:05Not a trial.
06:05I got convicted.
06:07What happened?
06:08A little crypto coin here, a little NFT there, rug pull.
06:11And suddenly people want their money back.
06:13Anyway, I'm looking at nine to 36 months.
06:16So I was hoping that you could help me out with that.
06:21I found a great vacation rental.
06:23And it has a kitchen in case you want to cook.
06:25Oh.
06:26See, I had been looking at hotels because I thought we can then get room service, you know,
06:30or weird knocks at weird times of the day.
06:32Okay.
06:32Well, what about a bed and breakfast?
06:34Perfect.
06:35Yeah?
06:35Best of both worlds.
06:36Yes.
06:37Hopefully we can find one close to a spa, so then we can get massages.
06:41Well, that'll be great after all the hiking.
06:45Or before.
06:46Either or.
06:46Right.
06:47Oh, I also have the perfect route.
06:49If we leave by 4 a.m., we'll get to the Outer Banks by noon.
06:53Wait.
06:54Were there no more direct flights?
06:55We should have did that first, because those go.
06:57Uh, I'm in, I'm in for the drive.
07:00Oh.
07:01Why would we drive when we could fly?
07:03Well, flying's expensive.
07:05Yes, but it's quicker.
07:06You know, which leaves you more time to relax, which is the point of vacation.
07:10Yeah.
07:10It's a, um, it's a really scenic drive, though.
07:13Some people say it's better than the Outer Banks itself.
07:16I-95, it's great.
07:18It'll, it'll save us a ton.
07:21I don't really want to drive.
07:23I'm not really trying to fly.
07:28It's Jacob.
07:29Oh.
07:33I'm on the edge of my seat.
07:34Tell me the rest of your perfect plan.
07:37We're still, it's a, um...
07:39Like, we're working on it pretty much right now.
07:40Yeah.
07:41What did you answer?
07:44Okay, so if Sally and Tommy want to get from door one to door two as efficiently as possible,
07:49they would take...
07:52A straight shot.
07:53Less than eight hours.
07:55Same vehicle, the most logical route.
07:58Hey!
07:58I couldn't help but overhear your math lesson, Mr. Eddie.
08:01And funnily enough, I am teaching a sociology lesson with the exact same characters.
08:06Second graders?
08:07Yeah.
08:07Here are Tommy and Sally smiling and laughing, right?
08:13Having a beautiful and low effort time at the airport.
08:15Until their flight gets delayed.
08:17And then all that airport time starts cutting into their vacation time.
08:20Mm-hmm.
08:21Which is much better than being stuck in traffic for hours in a cramped car.
08:25Well, Sally could throw her feet up on the dashboard.
08:27You know her feet can't reach.
08:30So...
08:31Sorry, not sorry to interrupt, children.
08:33Mr. Johnson, we're in the middle of something.
08:36See that?
08:38I've been stepping on raisins and walking lopsided all day.
08:41And it's all your little faults.
08:44Excuse me.
08:45But nobody gets to accuse my students of snack crimes without definitive proof.
08:51In fact, I'm going to end this right here.
08:54Children, if you like the snacks that I pass out, please raise your hands.
08:58I love your snacks.
09:00They're yummy.
09:02They're lying.
09:04Mr. Johnson, I have been teaching kindergarten long enough to know when my students are lying
09:08and when they are not.
09:09This is a not.
09:11So please, go look elsewhere because I have a lesson to teach.
09:15Is it on gaslighting?
09:17Because I know a few experts.
09:21Mr. Johnson, thank you, sir.
09:23Thank you so much.
09:25Is Jonathan here yet?
09:27I've got a hot new investment to run by him.
09:29Did you know you could put money into your retirement?
09:31Yes.
09:32I did too.
09:34It's just that he makes it sound so fresh.
09:36That man is going places.
09:37Yeah.
09:38Prison.
09:39What?
09:39For how long?
09:40Well, it depends.
09:41On me.
09:42He asked me to write a letter to the judge because they got him on some crypto thing.
09:47But you know what?
09:47All those finance guys do that kind of thing, right?
09:51Yeah, all the good ones.
09:52Yeah.
09:53So, I believe in second chances.
09:55Hell, I'll give you a third or fourth if my mother makes me.
09:57It's the only reason my sister's still alive.
10:00Anyway, I wrote him the letter, so...
10:02You wrote a letter by yourself?
10:04Humans don't have to do that anymore, Melissa.
10:09I was cleaning up.
10:11I found this trail of raisins.
10:12I'm following to see where it leads.
10:14Probably to a giant rat king, which would be horrifying yet exciting.
10:23Oh, my God.
10:28Hey, guys.
10:31What's wrong?
10:32Nothing.
10:33Oh, my God.
10:34It's worse than I thought.
10:35Elijah said nothing right before he said everything.
10:37We're just having some disagreements on the itinerary.
10:41Yeah.
10:41He wants to start a vacation with an eight-hour drive.
10:44Seven hours and 37 minutes.
10:45I found a shortcut.
10:46You know what doesn't need shortcuts?
10:48Air travel.
10:48Okay.
10:49All right.
10:49Well, let's just take a breath.
10:51Um, yeah.
10:52It's just a bump in the road.
10:54Yep.
10:55There are no roads when you fly.
11:00You two are the greatest couple known to Jacob and Abbott and probably the world.
11:06Okay?
11:07You can figure this out.
11:09I know you can.
11:10You are Gregory and Janine.
11:12Super couple.
11:14Nothing can stop you.
11:15Okay.
11:15You know what, Jacob?
11:17You are right.
11:18Then you would have been right without holding our hands.
11:20Yes.
11:20Yeah.
11:21We'll figure something out.
11:22We got this.
11:23That's right, you will.
11:24And yes, you do.
11:31But in the end, who helps, Jacob?
11:34What?
11:35It's about time you showed up.
11:37Feast your eyes on this.
11:40Oh.
11:42What in the world am I looking at?
11:44Mount cheesy raisin.
11:46You remember what I've been saying to you and you've been saying I was wrong?
11:50My students have been lying to me.
11:54And they've been lying to you.
11:58You gotta do whatever it takes to get yours.
12:01Cause believe me, everybody else is getting theirs.
12:04Yeah, but you could also do good things with your money, right?
12:07Like you could give it to charity or-
12:09Oh, that is a great point, Ms. Chimenti.
12:12Kids, charities will go a long way when tax season rolls around.
12:16Doesn't anyone ever come after you?
12:17Oh yeah, they used to.
12:18All the time.
12:19That's why I do things the right way now.
12:22See, when you're looking for people to invest, make sure they are vulnerable.
12:27Like desperate even.
12:28Okay.
12:29Uh, class dismissed.
12:30Uh, class 35 minutes ago.
12:32Then do your worksheet, okay?
12:33Let's go.
12:34Tick tock.
12:35Man.
12:36It's just that inspiring the youth inspires me.
12:39That is a great line for the letter if you're still working, by the way.
12:43Anybody need help with their math?
12:44Uh, sure.
12:46What do you got going on over here?
12:52Hey.
12:52Hey.
12:53Okay.
12:53So I figured it out.
12:54Oh my gosh.
12:55Great, cause Apple still stops.
12:57I know you don't want to be in the car for seven hours, and I respect that, and I hear
13:00it.
13:00So I have a solution.
13:02Flying.
13:03Atlantic City.
13:04That way the drive is only an hour and a half.
13:07Oh, but I feel like that's a place that we could still walk to.
13:10Yeah, it would be like 32 hours.
13:11Still pretty far.
13:13Okay.
13:13But this option cuts out flying altogether.
13:17Absolutely.
13:21I wanted to go to the Outer Banks.
13:25Ah, there you are.
13:26Gregory told me the problemo went adios.
13:29My words, not his.
13:30So, uh, what's the plan, Stan?
13:32Atlantic City.
13:33Problem solved.
13:36Why isn't your beautiful smile reaching your beautiful eyes?
13:39It's great.
13:39You know, I just, I really wanted to go to the Outer Banks, out of the Tri-State area.
13:45But Atlantic City is great, too.
13:48That's it.
13:48I'm going full millennial because you two are hashtag couple goals.
13:51Waves got rough.
13:52You stayed the course.
13:53And here you are, arriving on the coveted Compromise Island.
13:56Which Elijah and I can't seem to dock on.
13:58But maybe I could bring the anchor.
14:00You're right.
14:00About what?
14:01I know I just said a lot.
14:02Compromise is the key.
14:04But what if there was a better compromise out there?
14:08Exactly.
14:08Plenty of compromises in the sea.
14:10Let's go talk to Gregory.
14:11Da-da-da.
14:12I will talk to Gregory.
14:13And maybe you should call Elijah.
14:14Aye-aye, Captain.
14:19Wow.
14:20Big things ahead for those kids.
14:22Well, they loved you.
14:23Aw.
14:24So, um, got any big plans for after you get out?
14:27Any takeaways from this?
14:28Yeah.
14:29Lots of changes.
14:30Lots of room for improvement.
14:31Okay.
14:31And you don't have to worry about that.
14:33I'm worried because I looked up your case.
14:35Senior citizens?
14:36That's who you're scamming?
14:38Come on.
14:38You got any remorse?
14:39You got any plans to make it right?
14:41Oh, yeah.
14:42Big time.
14:42All that.
14:43Okay.
14:44So, I...
14:45I wrote the letter.
14:47Whew.
14:48You know, it was no after no until I was finally like,
14:52hold on a minute.
14:53Who is the ultimate hustler?
14:55Right.
14:55Mr. Benti.
14:56Next time I'm coming to you first.
14:57Okay, wait.
14:59Next time?
15:00No, you're right.
15:00I'm not gonna get caught again.
15:01No paper trail.
15:02You taught us that back in the day.
15:04I never taught you to punch down.
15:06I taught you, give them a taste of their own medicine,
15:08not make it so Nona can't afford hers.
15:10Okay, look.
15:11I can't sign off on this kid.
15:13No, no, no, no, no, no.
15:13Hold on.
15:14Wait.
15:15You're right.
15:16No more old people.
15:17I'll find a different group for my next thing.
15:19And I'll let you invest.
15:21I'll give you a great deal.
15:22Okay?
15:23Whatever it takes.
15:23Okay, listen.
15:24Johnson, you were a really bright kid, Jonathan.
15:28But more than that, you had a good heart.
15:30And I know what's still in there.
15:32So that's it?
15:35I guess.
15:43Mr. Johnson, I have spoken to my class,
15:46and there will be no more snacks on the floor
15:48or shoved into the cabinets.
15:50Nowhere they gonna shove them then.
15:52Nowhere.
15:52I've reminded them that snacks are for eating,
15:55and trash is for the garbage.
15:58Although, who knows if I can even tell
15:59if they're being truthful anymore.
16:01And I thought I had them all figured out.
16:03These are the kids of yesteryear.
16:05Oh, honey, you got that right.
16:07Between Pokemon, YouTube Kids, and the Zeus Network,
16:10who knows what they're learning on these tablets?
16:12Hmm.
16:13Tell you what.
16:13I got your back as long as you got mine.
16:15Deal?
16:16Deal.
16:17Hey.
16:19For your shopping,
16:20here's a list of snacks that I've always wanted to try
16:22that the kids might like, too.
16:24Most of them have been discontinued,
16:26and the rest can only be found in North Korea.
16:30I've got it.
16:32Got what?
16:34Okay, so I love how you and I can compromise,
16:36but I thought, what if there was a compromise
16:38that was a little bit more compromise-y?
16:41Okay, I guess I'll be open to that.
16:43I thought that you would, which is why.
16:45Bye.
16:46I went ahead and purchased our plane tickets
16:48to the Outer Banks.
16:50What?
16:50Yeah.
16:51We both wanted to go there.
16:52It's a perfect place.
16:54Money was the issue.
16:55I took care of it.
16:57Uh, no.
16:58The issue was that we shouldn't be spending money
17:00on flights if we don't have to.
17:02It's a waste.
17:03Well, it was my money.
17:05I don't think it was a waste.
17:07Look, you and I have always had different philosophies
17:09on money, you know?
17:10You like to budget your tokens at Dave & Buster's,
17:13which I think is insane, but we make it work.
17:15Well, it works because my system yields the best result.
17:18Buying the tickets isn't a compromise.
17:21Alright, well, to be fair, your idea...
17:24Atlantic City was a good compromise.
17:25Except only you chose it.
17:28It was a cheap idea.
17:30I'd rather be cheap than be bad with money.
17:32What was that?
17:34Are those the chirps of my jet-set and lovebirds?
17:40Ready to go?
17:41Ready?
17:41Yeah.
17:41Yeah, let me, um...
17:48Hey, did you send that man to the slammer?
17:52Okay, well, I didn't personally, but I kind of feel like I did.
17:58Come on.
17:59It's not your responsibility.
18:01It's not like you're his mom, his dad, or his teacher.
18:04Okay, you had me until the last one.
18:06He's had plenty of teachers before and after you.
18:09Hell, maybe it was Barbara's fault.
18:11I just feel like he took the wrong idea from my lessons, you know?
18:15No offense, but you're not that influential.
18:17If you were, you'd be getting asked to write a lot more of those statements.
18:20I've written one for every member of my family.
18:22But that's family.
18:24Look, this is how he wants you to feel.
18:26The only thing scammers love more than scamming is blaming other people for their scams.
18:30He did what he did.
18:32Yeah.
18:34Okay.
18:35Yeah.
18:35Thank you, Ava.
18:36I appreciate that.
18:38It's what I do.
18:39Now, did he happen to explain any of the inner workers of that scam to you?
18:43I'm not doing this with you.
18:44I need to supplement my income!
18:47I took a pay cut in my relationship!
18:54Look, I think we both said things that we didn't mean earlier.
19:00And I love you.
19:03I love you too.
19:06All right.
19:08So what are we gonna do?
19:10I still think we can make Atlantic City work.
19:14Gregory, I don't want to do that.
19:17Okay, well then I guess we're driving to the Outer Banks then.
19:19You're not hearing me.
19:21I am hearing you, but it doesn't change the way I feel about spending money on flights.
19:24It's irresponsible.
19:25You understand you're calling me irresponsible when you say you are.
19:28No, I'm not. I didn't.
19:28I didn't say anything about you.
19:29That's been the implications of this the whole time.
19:31I mean, I really don't want to fight about this.
19:32You think I want to?
19:33I don't either.
19:37Maybe we just shouldn't go on vacation.
19:40So what, we're never gonna go on vacation?
19:42I would love to, but if we can't figure out how to travel without pointlessly spending money then I don't
19:49know.
19:49Okay, well that's not a good sign for our relationship.
19:52Then I'm at a loss.
19:53That's not a good sign either.
19:56This shouldn't be this hard.
19:58I mean, if we cannot figure out something like this then how are we even gonna make it together?
20:03We won't if we can't get on the same page.
20:05Then maybe we should break up.
20:26That was not, uh, I have no idea what just happened.
20:34What are you doing here so early?
20:36I woke up on cloud nine.
20:39Elijah came over last night and we got back together.
20:42Life is good.
20:43I thought I'd come in early and take a gratitude stroll.
20:47Feeling pretty great for myself this morning.
20:49Now that I'm with Miss Carol, trash smells even sweeter.
20:53I'm happy for you, Mr. Johnson.
20:55And hey, if you two ever need advice, don't hesitate to come to me.
20:58Stay out of grown folks' business.
20:59I'm just saying, I've become sort of the relationship expert.
21:02Ask Janine and Gregory, they're in love as a clam.
21:04All cause of me.
21:07Nope, that's Janine texting me now.
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