- 7 minutes ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:28Mr. Big,
00:00:29hoist the song girl over his shoulders. Girl, I'm going to toss you into the next
00:00:34lifetime. Suddenly, he gasps from breath. He clenches his throat and falls to the ground.
00:00:40Chaz pulls himself up and launches a nuclear missile, sending it straight for Brent Windmill
00:00:47and Ground Zero. Kitty Chesney Swimming Pool.
00:00:53Time for bear killing. Okay, Mom. Goodnight, sweetie. Goodnight, Mom.
00:01:11Thong Girl and Boxer Brief Boy fly high above the city in pursuit of a nuclear missile.
00:01:17Suddenly, they spot it. Its shiny metallic surface glistens from the reflection of the full moon.
00:01:23Without any thought to his own safety, Boxer Brief Boy jumps on top of the missile and rides
00:01:30it down toward the unsuspecting citizens of Brent Windmill. To be continued.
00:01:36Ah, crap. What a ripoff. Stupid comic book.
00:01:48Woohoo! Woohoo! Woohoo! Woohoo! Woooo!
00:01:58Kenny!
00:02:01We'll be right back!
00:03:53I told you, Jake.
00:03:54A piece of cake.
00:03:55That banquet's prime for our nefarious crime.
00:03:59Good one, Jarji.
00:04:02All right, all righty.
00:04:03Put a lid on it.
00:04:04I'm sitting here with stinking Beavis and Butthead.
00:04:07Jeez, everybody in this town thinks they're a songwriter.
00:04:09Cut us a break, Benji.
00:04:11Come on, we're going to be famous someday.
00:04:12You know what?
00:04:13If you guys would spend more time thinking about your bank robbing than thinking up songs,
00:04:18we'd be millionaires by now.
00:04:21I don't know, Benji.
00:04:22There's at least 10,000 smackers in here.
00:04:25Not a bad day's work if you ask me.
00:04:28Yeah, well, who's asking you?
00:04:29And the best part is, we didn't get caught.
00:04:32That new chief of police is so busy handing out parking tickets, he's forgot all about us
00:04:36old-fashioned bank robbers.
00:04:38Yeah.
00:04:40Right about that, Georgie.
00:04:41We're on a roll.
00:04:43Ain't no stopping us now.
00:04:45What was that?
00:04:46I'll take a look.
00:04:52What the?
00:04:54Where'd you go?
00:04:55Jake?
00:04:57Hey, guys.
00:04:58Going my way?
00:04:59Oh, crap.
00:05:00It's Thong Girl.
00:05:01At your service.
00:05:03Now, be a good little bank robber and pull over, would you?
00:05:05I don't think so, Thong Girl.
00:05:07You're about to become roadkill.
00:05:09That's where you're wrong, little man.
00:05:11You've just reached a dead end.
00:05:13Oh, yeah?
00:05:14Well, hold on, sister.
00:05:15I think this is your style.
00:05:18That's what you get when you don't buckle up.
00:05:24Damn!
00:05:25Let's go teach that broad a lesson.
00:05:31Go kick her thong butt, Georgie.
00:05:33My pleasure, Benji.
00:05:35You took away my songwriting partner, and just when we were about to make it big, too.
00:05:39Now you're going to have to pay.
00:05:49Here's what I wrote, Georgie.
00:05:51If you do wrong, you'll answer to the thong.
00:05:59This is the end of the road for you, Thong Girl.
00:06:01You're about to become a hood ornament.
00:06:16You should have bought the extended warranty, Benji.
00:06:22Chase!
00:06:24We'll take it from here, Thong Girl.
00:06:29You have plenty of time to write hit songs where you're going.
00:06:35Say, Thong Girl, would you like a lift?
00:06:38No, thanks, officer.
00:06:39It's a nice night for flying.
00:06:40I'll catch up with you later.
00:06:43Boy, I tell you, just one time I'd like to...
00:06:46Keep dreaming, O'Malley.
00:06:48You wouldn't know what to do with it anyway.
00:06:50That's one class act, that thong girl.
00:06:56Oh, thank you so much.
00:06:57Well, that was one, but you're the one.
00:07:07If you're the one, then Whoa!
00:07:22Now there's one, gotta do it!
00:07:34Hey, wake up, you two losers. Time for roll call.
00:07:43Gee, Sally, ain't you got no class?
00:07:46Sorry, boss. I had too many beans for supper last night.
00:07:50I'll say you stink like a sewer hole.
00:07:52No, boss. That is a sewer. It's coming from that toilet over there.
00:08:06Sally, you're a genius.
00:08:38Psst, Sally, wake up.
00:08:41Yeah, boss.
00:08:43It's time to go.
00:08:58Geronimo!
00:08:59Geronimo!
00:09:03Come on in, Sally.
00:09:05The water's fine.
00:09:23All right, ladies, let him, let go.
00:09:45THE END
00:10:21Hey Dweebs
00:10:22Uh, uh, hey Lana
00:10:25What you doing?
00:10:27I'm looking for a case file for People vs. Palermo
00:10:30There are some interesting similarities between that and the Chad Chernobyl case
00:10:35And by the way Dweebs, would you please quit looking at my skirt?
00:10:39Sorry Lana
00:10:42Hey Lana, I thought you were through with Chad since you sent him away for life to the state pen
00:10:46I want to be sure he stays there
00:10:49He's got the best lawyer's money can buy
00:10:51And I don't want him getting off on appeals
00:10:54Sure, sure
00:10:55Hey Lana, I want to thank you for getting me this job in the DA's office as a part of
00:11:00my plea agreement
00:11:01Well Dweebs, your testimony was crucial in building my case against Chaz and Mr. Big
00:11:06Well you had first hand knowledge of Big's evil plot to create a nuclear missile
00:11:11Destroy country music
00:11:13And what the world as we know it
00:11:15Well if it weren't for you
00:11:17Tim McGraw and George Strait
00:11:19Would be nothing more than fond memories in the country music hall of fame
00:11:22And don't forget how we saved Kenny Chesney
00:11:26Oh yeah, I still haven't forgiven you for that one
00:11:29Sorry Lana
00:11:32Hey Lana, there's a really great arthropod exhibit at the Museum of Natural History this weekend
00:11:38Would you like to go?
00:11:39Gee Dweebs, I'd love to
00:11:41But my Aunt Millie's coming in from across the pond this weekend
00:11:44Your Aunt Millie from Chile?
00:11:46No silly, my Aunt Millie from Piccadilly
00:11:48From London, England?
00:11:49The very same
00:11:50But I thought she died
00:11:51No, you're thinking of my Aunt Mary from Londonderry
00:11:53The one that's quite contrary?
00:11:55That's my Aunt Mary
00:11:56Oh sure, sure
00:11:57Well anyway, I thought maybe we could like get some food and go to
00:12:00I'm sorry Dweebs
00:12:01It would never work out between us
00:12:03With my job as assistant district attorney
00:12:06And my commitment to ridding the world of scum-sucking law-breaking vermin like Chaz Chernobyl
00:12:12I just don't have time for a relationship
00:12:15Oh Lana
00:12:17I'm such a loser
00:12:19And then there's that
00:12:24It's the mayor
00:12:28Hello, Mr. Mayor
00:12:29Lana
00:12:30Mayor Richard Boner here
00:12:32Yes, yes
00:12:33Well I've just gotten some bad news
00:12:36Apparently Chaz Chernobyl has broken out of the state penitentiary
00:12:39That's right
00:12:40And he's taken over the local television station
00:12:42And is about to broadcast a message that concerns you
00:12:47Roger that, Mr. Mayor
00:12:49I knew those prison walls wouldn't be enough to hold Chaz Chernobyl
00:12:53Be careful, Lana
00:12:55That Chaz is one slippery scoundrel
00:13:00By the way, Lana
00:13:02What are you wearing?
00:13:05Well, Mr. Mayor
00:13:07I'm wearing a lovely two-piece ensemble
00:13:09With silk camisole
00:13:11Over a pretty pink lace brassiere
00:13:13And matching panties
00:13:14Oh, and Gucci open-toed shoes
00:13:17With a velvet strap
00:13:18Perfect for a hectic day at the office
00:13:20Or a night out in the town
00:13:23Oh, that's nice
00:13:25That's nice
00:13:26That's nice
00:13:32That's nice
00:13:34Mr. Mayor, are you there?
00:13:38Yes, well, that's good
00:13:40Yes, well, Chaz has just come on the TV
00:13:43I think you should see what he has to say
00:13:45I'm on it, sir
00:13:53So the bartender says to the donkey
00:13:55Your ass can stay
00:13:57But the lawyer has to go
00:14:02Enough of the small talk
00:14:03This is what I want
00:14:20Oh, Mrs. Prister
00:14:22You're going to look lovely at the Governor's Ball
00:14:23Well, ladies
00:14:25Giving no thought whatsoever
00:14:27To my own personal safety
00:14:29And thinking only of my darling little Kenny Chesney
00:14:32And all those hapless hat-wearing country stars below
00:14:35Down in Brentwoodville
00:14:37I broke free from Thorn Girl's embrace
00:14:40And plunged headfirst through the clouds
00:14:42And caught that nuclear missile with my bare hands
00:14:45Frantically searching for the button to disable it
00:14:48Oh, my goodness
00:14:49Weren't you terrified?
00:14:51Terrified?
00:14:52Honey, President George W. Bush said we have no time for terror
00:14:56I was petrified
00:14:57But all I could think about was Paul Little Kenny
00:15:00And all those country music stars
00:15:02So what happened next?
00:15:04Well, honey, I had to think faster
00:15:06It would have been lights out in Ash Vegas
00:15:09Yes, what could I do?
00:15:11I rode that rockin' strip
00:15:13Down in a Kenny Chesney swimming pool
00:15:16Twenty feet deep
00:15:17Oh, honey
00:15:18It's shaped like a Grammy Award
00:15:20Built-in jacuzzi
00:15:22And a personal masseur named Raul
00:15:26Okay
00:15:29Well, anyway, there was so much chlorine in the darn thing
00:15:32I think it disabled it because it stopped ticking
00:15:34And thereby rendering the missile harmless
00:15:37And saving the world at the end
00:15:40Andy, I've heard that story hundreds of times
00:15:42Every time it's something different
00:15:44Why don't you tell us what really happened?
00:15:46Oh, what really happened, Miss Potty Pooper?
00:15:49Potty Pooper
00:15:50Potty Pooper
00:15:52Every potty needs a pooper
00:15:54That's why we invited you
00:15:56Potty Pooper
00:15:57Well, what really happened, huh, Miss Potty Pooper?
00:16:00Well, what really happened was
00:16:05Andy Andrews, hairdresser to the country stars
00:16:07Andy, it's Lana
00:16:09Turn on the TV quick
00:16:10Chester Noble's escaped from prison
00:16:12And he's taken over the airway
00:16:14Oh, no
00:16:15Turn on the television
00:16:17That's why
00:16:22I want ten million dollars
00:16:24Delivered to a Swiss bank account by noon tomorrow
00:16:27Or I will wreak havoc the likes of which
00:16:29This little town has never seen before
00:16:33Yeah, I will
00:16:36Oh, yeah, one more thing
00:16:38If you happen to be listening
00:16:39Assistant District Attorney Lana lay on me
00:16:42I would like you to deliver the loot personally
00:16:46And why don't you bring your little hairdresser boy with you
00:16:54Chas Chernobyl
00:16:55Signing off
00:17:05Oh, whatever are we gonna do, girl
00:17:07We're gonna do what any self-respecting superhero would do in a time of crisis
00:17:12Oh, apple martinis and a pedicure
00:17:14No, silly
00:17:15We're gonna fight
00:17:17Right on
00:17:18Be at my place in 1800 hours
00:17:21And we'll figure out a plan
00:17:22Roger that, TG
00:17:24Oh, and Andy
00:17:25Yeah, I got it
00:17:26Don't forget your cape this time
00:17:31Why don't you bring your little hairdresser boy with you
00:17:39Chas Chernobyl
00:17:40Signing off
00:18:00Yes, Miss Capri
00:18:02Get me Chas Chernobyl
00:18:15Come on
00:18:17Come on
00:18:35It's always a pleasure to see you, babe.
00:18:48Fellas, now Lawanda, is that any way to treat an old friend?
00:18:55Cut the crap, Chaz.
00:18:57Big never trusted you and neither do I.
00:18:59As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be surprised if you had something to do with putting that MSG in
00:19:03his beef chow mein.
00:19:06Besides me, you were the only one that knew he was deathly allergic to it.
00:19:09Why Lawanda, how could you think I would do anything to hurt my business partner and long time friend?
00:19:15Big, he was like a soul brother to me.
00:19:19The only soul you've got, Chaz, is on the bottom of your shoe.
00:19:22Hey, hey, I didn't come here to have you insult me.
00:19:26What's on your mind, Lawanda?
00:19:28Well, as much as I hate to admit it, Chaz, you and I need each other in order to carry
00:19:32out the plan that Big set into motion before his untimely demise.
00:19:37This town is being overrun by white cracker hat wearing country music stars and it's gotta stop.
00:19:43How many black country music artists do you see on the charts now?
00:19:48That's right, none.
00:19:51There's that cowboy Troy.
00:19:53He didn't mix country and rap and came up with crap.
00:19:56And Charlie Pryde sold out a long time ago.
00:19:59He should have named his song, Kiss a White Anglo-Saxon's Ass Good Morning.
00:20:05This music business is in sad shape.
00:20:08And I intend on giving it a well-deserved afro makeover, if you know what I'm saying.
00:20:13Uh-huh.
00:20:16Shut up, you moron.
00:20:20So what do you want from me?
00:20:22I want you to keep that little wafer thong girl out of my way.
00:20:25I want you to break her down, box her up and put her in a pretty little package and bring
00:20:28her to me.
00:20:30It's time I exact some revenge on that little bitch for taking my man out.
00:20:33But I thought you said it was the MSG that did Big in.
00:20:38That may be.
00:20:39But if it wasn't for thong girl, Big would have realized his dream of world supremacy a long time ago.
00:20:47She'd been after him for a while.
00:20:49Never smart enough to stop him, just slow him down.
00:20:53Just because she's the assistant DA and a crime-fighting superhero
00:20:57doesn't give her the right to harass a reputable businessman just trying to make an honest living.
00:21:04Well, Luanda, I wouldn't exactly call what we do earning an honest living.
00:21:09Big was going to blow up the world if he didn't get his way.
00:21:12He wasn't going to go through with it.
00:21:14And as I recall, it was you that pressed the button that set off the missile.
00:21:17Yeah, and it would have worked too if it weren't for that little bikini bimbo with a little hairdresser boy.
00:21:27Alright, Luanda, tell me what you got planned.
00:21:35I could draw him down boy.
00:21:37Oh, it's stuck m unsettled!
00:21:46Down boy.
00:21:47Ah-hah-hah-hah!
00:22:05Ah!
00:22:06Oh!
00:22:07Oi, Papi!
00:22:10Girlfriend!
00:22:11You didn't tell me you have a boyfriend.
00:22:13That is an ancient fertility statue that the Zimbuki tribe gave me when I rescued their
00:22:20chief from the hands of slave traders.
00:22:23It's supposed to enrich your life and make you wealthy beyond belief.
00:22:26Well, it's working.
00:22:28My panties are moist.
00:22:31Listen, Superman here and I are going to go get acquainted.
00:22:34No time for that now, Andy.
00:22:36We've got to decide what to do about Chaz.
00:22:38Where is he?
00:22:39I'll pulverize him.
00:22:41I'll fight him with one pulp behind my back.
00:22:42I'll fight with my eyes closed.
00:22:45Ralph!
00:22:45Ah!
00:22:54What is it?
00:22:56It's a note.
00:22:58What does it say?
00:23:01It says, Dear Assistant DA Lana Leonmi, AKA Thong Girl, and Gay Sidekick Foxer Brief Boy.
00:23:09I resemble that remark.
00:23:11My new partner in crime, Lawanda Capri, AKA the Dark Widow, and I request the pleasure
00:23:18of your company this evening at a special dinner that I have arranged, especially in your honor.
00:23:24There is a little matter of ten million dollars that we need to discuss.
00:23:29The fate of this wretched little town lies solely in your hands, so don't be late.
00:23:35Meet us at the old stockyards on 2nd Avenue by the river at 7pm sharp with the loot.
00:23:42And come in costume, yours truly, Chaz Chernobyl.
00:23:46It's a costume party.
00:23:48Oh, I want to go with Dr. Ruth.
00:23:50Oh, now this is fabulous.
00:23:52No, the village people.
00:23:54Why am I gay?
00:23:56No, Andy, you goofball.
00:23:58He wants us to come in our superhero outfit.
00:24:01Oh, right.
00:24:02I knew that.
00:24:03Okay, we better prepare.
00:24:06It's been a while since we've used our superhero powers.
00:24:10Do you remember what I taught you?
00:24:12Mmm, help old ladies across the street and don't fart in elevators?
00:24:15No, silly.
00:24:16I mean about how to fly.
00:24:18Oh, it's a piece of cake.
00:24:20Put your left arm here and your right arm there.
00:24:23Flap them up and down and then you're in the air.
00:24:26You do the super...
00:24:26Okay, okay, never mind.
00:24:28Why don't you go suit up.
00:24:30We'll take a quick lesson and then we'll go fight the enemy.
00:24:34You got it.
00:24:40It's all coming back to me now, thong girl.
00:24:43I just bend my legs like this and...
00:24:47Maybe we need to work on the glide a little more, Triple B.
00:24:50Oh, diddly diddly dee.
00:24:52I'll never get the hang of it.
00:24:54Oh, sure you will.
00:24:55You remember when you were a little boy and your dad taught you how to ride a bike
00:24:58and you thought you'd never lose those training wheels.
00:25:01And then one magical day, he let go.
00:25:04And before you knew it, you were pedaling so fast your little legs ached.
00:25:08And you were gliding down that hill in no time.
00:25:11Andy?
00:25:11I can fly, I can fly, I can fly, I'm lying!
00:25:16Andy!
00:25:17I love that story!
00:25:19Hey!
00:25:20TG!
00:25:21You were right!
00:25:22It's just like riding a bicycle!
00:25:25Now let's go kick some bad boy butt!
00:25:49She ain't gonna show.
00:25:52What?
00:25:53What did you say?
00:25:54I said she ain't gonna show.
00:25:57She'll show, alright.
00:25:59She's too much of a do-gooder not to show.
00:26:02The future of her beloved music city depends on it.
00:26:06She knows I'll blow this little town to smithereens if she crosses me.
00:26:11And just how do you plan on doing that, may I ask?
00:26:16Sally, if you please.
00:26:36Come.
00:26:40Where did you get that?
00:26:42It's left over for Big's plot to take over the world.
00:26:46I've kept it hidden in a safe place, knowing that I would need it again someday.
00:26:52And what are you gonna do with it?
00:26:54Well, I was kinda hoping you would know.
00:26:58How the hell should I know?
00:27:00Well, I thought maybe Big might have showed you the plans for the Doomsday Bomb.
00:27:05Are you kidding?
00:27:07I was just his hoe.
00:27:09You'd never trust me with information like that.
00:27:13The only thing I was good for was a piece of ass and a good back rub.
00:27:18I was nothing more to him than a high dollar hooker.
00:27:22Really?
00:27:23Maybe you had a good reason yourself to lace his food with MSG.
00:27:27You knew if he kicked the bucket, you could step right in and take over the big empire.
00:27:37You better be glad I need you alive, you little rat-faced bastard.
00:27:40Otherwise, I'd rip you to ribbons right here and now.
00:27:42Okay, okay.
00:27:43I get the point.
00:27:45Everybody, just calm down, alright?
00:27:47We need to try and work on this together.
00:27:52I may have resented the fact that Big was using me.
00:27:57But I must admit, he treated me kind and he gave me everything my heart desired.
00:28:02In his own cold, calculated way, I really think he loved me.
00:28:07A girl kind of dreams of houses and babies and all that normal stuff.
00:28:13I ain't no different than any other woman in that respect.
00:28:17But now that he's gone, I've got a score to settle.
00:28:22And a mighty powerful lust for power.
00:28:26And don't you forget the deal we made once all of this is over.
00:28:29We split the loot 50-50.
00:28:32I'll run this town and you take over the music bits.
00:28:35Yeah.
00:28:38And then it's goodbye Kenny Chesney.
00:28:40Well that's one thing we have in common.
00:28:43I hate that guy.
00:28:47So what about the bomb?
00:28:49How are you gonna use it if you don't know how to build it?
00:28:52I have an ace in the hole.
00:28:55There's only one person in this town that knows how to build that bomb.
00:28:58And how are you gonna get him to do it?
00:29:01By acquiring something of value.
00:29:04Something that he treasures.
00:29:07And here it comes now.
00:29:10Boys, let him in.
00:29:26Oh, hey, easy big fella.
00:29:28Oh, that's the spot.
00:29:33Welcome, thong girl.
00:29:35Forgive me for not inviting you sooner, but I was, I guess you'd say, detained.
00:29:39You are right where you belong, Chaz.
00:29:42In a steel cage designed especially for animals like you.
00:29:47And that's just where I'm sending you back to.
00:29:50Please, please, thong girl.
00:29:52This is an evening for libation and camaraderie.
00:29:55I invited you here to meet my new business partner.
00:29:59Thong girl, meet your worst nightmare.
00:30:04Luanda Capri, alias the Dark Widow.
00:30:09I believe we've met, Miss Capri.
00:30:12I thought we should meet here on Common Ground while we still had a chance to resolve this little issue.
00:30:19Did you bring the loot, thong girl?
00:30:22No, actually I brought something much better.
00:30:25You remember my crime fighting assistant, Boxer Brief Boy?
00:30:29Of course I do. How could I forget?
00:30:32How are you, little fella?
00:30:34I'm fabulous, which is more than I can say for you when thong girl gets done cleaning your clock.
00:30:40We'll just see about that.
00:30:43Say, what have you got there?
00:30:46We'll have this little ol' thing.
00:30:47This is a little gift box that I thought might come in handy for the long trip you're about to
00:30:52take.
00:30:53You know, back to the state pen.
00:30:55Why, that is so thoughtful of you.
00:30:58Well, let's see. We have some nail clippers.
00:31:02We must always practice personal hygiene wherever our path in life may lead us.
00:31:09And we go, ooh, we got a little nail file.
00:31:12Not for the prison bars, but for those rodent claws of yours.
00:31:17Ooh, a book of crossword puzzles. Beginner's edition.
00:31:22But don't let that scare you. You can skip over the big words like rat.
00:31:28Ooh, and lovely, lovely little fruitcake.
00:31:32Mmm, you can share it with your cellmates.
00:31:35I hear those inmates just love getting a little piece of fruitcake.
00:31:39You are so lucky. I'm jealous.
00:31:42And what prison stint would be complete without a big ol' heapin' helpin' a KY?
00:31:48Slip-slide in away. Bye-bye, Chaz.
00:31:51Oh, my goodness. And what's this?
00:31:54Why, it's your very own personal can of whoop-ass!
00:32:06Whoop-ass!
00:32:13Why, it's your very own personal can of whoop-ass!
00:32:35Whoop-whoop-ass!
00:32:40Where's your very own personal pen of...
00:32:44Whoopens!
00:32:54Looking for me, thongirl?
00:33:10To your left, to right and to the left...
00:33:11To own your right.
00:33:15To the right, to the right people.
00:33:16Whoopens!
00:33:22Whoopens!
00:33:24Whoopens!
00:33:25Whoopens!
00:33:27Whoopens!
00:33:28Whoopens!
00:33:29Whoopens!
00:33:30Whoopens!
00:33:32Whoopens!
00:33:42You may have superior martial art skills, Dark Widow.
00:33:46And a better costume.
00:33:47Hey, whose side are you on?
00:33:50Sorry, TG.
00:33:51But you're no match for my new and improved, soon to be patented, Ask Cyrus Leighton.
00:34:28Oh!
00:34:33Hello, Dweeble here.
00:34:36Why hello there, little buddy, remember me?
00:34:40I'm sorry, I don't accept phone calls from telephone solicitors.
00:34:45I'm on the Federal Do Not Call Registry.
00:34:48I am not selling anything.
00:34:51But I do have a deal for you.
00:34:53Who is this?
00:34:55Oh, that really hurts.
00:34:57Don't you remember your old pal, Chaz-A-Roo?
00:35:01You and me, we were partners once.
00:35:03We were never partners.
00:35:05You tricked me into making a bomb and betraying the only woman I ever loved.
00:35:11I hate you, Chaz Tremnoble.
00:35:14Hey, hey, hey.
00:35:15Is that any way to talk to the man who is going to make you immortal?
00:35:21What do you mean?
00:35:22I am offering you the chance to finally see that bomb of yours do what it was meant to do.
00:35:27This is your chance for you to fulfill your destiny.
00:35:31You're a crazy lunatic.
00:35:33I ended up in prison, thanks to you.
00:35:35And they drew me in a cell with a child molestery.
00:35:39Made me dress up like a little girl and sing the Barney song.
00:35:43You know, I love you, you love me, we're a happy family.
00:35:50All right, all right, enough already.
00:35:52I have someone here that wants to say hello to you.
00:35:55Say hello to your nerdy boyfriend, thong girl.
00:35:58Twiz, it's Lana.
00:35:59Don't you dare listen to him.
00:36:01He's crazy.
00:36:02Now listen up here, geek boy.
00:36:04If you don't get over here on the double and show me how to finish building this bomb,
00:36:07then I am going to stretch out your little girlfriend until you won't be able to see her when she
00:36:11turns sideways.
00:36:12Don't do it, dweebs.
00:36:14Have you heard one hair on her head? I'll...
00:36:18You'll what?
00:36:19Just get over here, pronto, or else it's so long, little miss thong.
00:36:25I'll be right over.
00:36:33Hello?
00:36:35Excuse me, sir, can you give me your address so I can map quest you?
00:36:40Ah, geez, just stay put.
00:36:43I'll have Sally come and pick you up.
00:36:45Sure, sure, sure, sure, that would be...
00:36:48Sally, go pick up the nerd boy in the Chasmobile and make it quick.
00:36:52Okay, boss, I like dweeble.
00:36:55Just get going.
00:36:57Oh, and Sally, by the way, stop by Mayor Boner's office on your way back.
00:37:02He'll have a little package waiting for you.
00:37:05You do it, boss.
00:37:09The mayor is about to prove his loyalty to his number one assistant, D.A.
00:37:23Mayor Richard Boner here.
00:37:26Hello there, Mr. Mayor.
00:37:28Kaz Ted Noble here.
00:37:29May I call you Dick Mayor Boner?
00:37:32No, you may not.
00:37:35What do you want?
00:37:36Do me a flavor, Mayor, and go to your computer and type in www.chazzcam.com
00:37:43and tell me what you see.
00:37:44Oh, Chaz Chernobyl, you are a despicable coward.
00:37:49I know you are, but what am I?
00:37:51Just do it, will ya?
00:38:00Chaz, the criminal of mine never ceases to amaze me.
00:38:06What evil lurks in the shadows of that sick, twisted brain of yours?
00:38:13Things you don't even want to know about.
00:38:16So stop your jabbering and do what I tell ya.
00:38:19I want you to go to the bank and fill a briefcase with ten million in unmarked bills and have
00:38:25it ready in one hour.
00:38:26My assistant will be by to pick it up at ten p.m. sharp.
00:38:30And no tricks, Dick.
00:38:32Or else the bimbo gets it.
00:38:34Who are you calling a bimbo?
00:38:38Not you, the other bimbo.
00:38:41I can't possibly gather that much money in one hour.
00:38:48Dark Widow, if you please.
00:38:51With pleasure, Chaz.
00:39:06Time for the seventh inning stretch, dough boy.
00:39:09No!
00:39:10No!
00:39:11No!
00:39:14Aaaah!
00:39:16Aaaaah!
00:39:18Aaaaah!
00:39:21Aaaaah!
00:39:22Aaaaaah!
00:39:23Aaaaah!
00:39:25Aaaaaah!
00:39:27Oh!
00:39:32Aaaaah!
00:39:33Twisted mind would create such an implement of torture.
00:39:38Oh, you ain't seen nothing yet.
00:39:41Just wait till I get the big machine operational,
00:39:44and then there will be some real hell to pay.
00:39:47So, just do what I say and get me the loot.
00:39:50And I'll talk to you again tomorrow.
00:39:53I got more demands for you.
00:39:57Nighty-night.
00:39:59Sleep tight.
00:40:01Don't let the beddy bugs bite.
00:40:10Oh, the humanity.
00:40:25What is taking them so long?
00:40:26They should have been back by now.
00:40:28You'll never succeed in taking over Music City, Chaz.
00:40:31Well, the mayor's probably on the phone right now with the governor to send reinforcements.
00:40:35They'll have you surrounded in no time.
00:40:37We'll just see about that, thong girl.
00:40:43It's about time.
00:40:44What took you so long?
00:40:46Dweeble has the most awesome Pokemon collection, boss.
00:40:49You ought to say, he even has the original Pikachu.
00:40:52Never mind that.
00:40:53Did you get the loot?
00:40:54Oh, yeah.
00:40:55The mayor had it ready and everything.
00:40:57And he had a message to give you, too.
00:40:59Yeah?
00:41:00He says, your mama's so fat that when she stands on the scale, it says, to be continued.
00:41:15Mama.
00:41:16Mama.
00:41:43Christmas, sir.
00:41:46I said it was my supper.
00:42:14Boss, boss, you okay?
00:42:18Alright, enough of this yappin'.
00:42:21Are you ready to get to work, Geek Boy?
00:42:24I won't do it.
00:42:26We'll see about that.
00:42:28Dark Widow!
00:42:42Ticklish boxer brief boy!
00:42:46Oh, I'm gonna tickle in my tights, quit it!
00:42:49Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
00:42:52I'm gonna tickle in my tights!
00:42:54Okay, okay, stop. I helped you build the bomb. Just let her go.
00:42:59I thought you'd see things my way.
00:43:02Sally, put these two in the dungeon till I figure out what to do with them.
00:43:07Okay, boss.
00:43:08And you, Nerdface, get to work on that bomb.
00:43:11Alright.
00:43:12Alright!
00:43:13I think this calls for a little celebration, Dark Widow.
00:43:19Get to it, Einstein. You've got a lot of work to do.
00:43:52Oh, this is another fine mess we've gotten ourselves into, huh, TG?
00:43:57You okay, girl?
00:44:00I think so. How about you?
00:44:02Oh.
00:44:04Everything seems intact.
00:44:06I'm so sorry I got you into this, Triple B.
00:44:09Why, if it weren't for me, you would be back at the salon, cutting the hair of the country music
00:44:14stars.
00:44:14Oh, honey. It's alright. It ain't all it's cracked up to be.
00:44:19Oh, sure. The money's great. And the people are all so interesting.
00:44:26But, oh, they just think I'm their shrink. Oh, going on and on. What if I look like Oprah?
00:44:33They want to tell me who their last fling was, who's sleeping with who.
00:44:37Hey, you want to hear the latest gossip on Kenny Chesney?
00:44:40No, that'll just depress me more.
00:44:42Oh, huh. Psst. Lana, can you hear me? It's Dwebo.
00:44:46Oh, please.
00:44:47I've come to rescue you, Lana.
00:44:51Chas and the Dark Widow went out to celebrate.
00:44:54They slipped a Mickey into my hot cocoa and they thought that I was passed out.
00:45:00Luckily, I've devised a series of antihistamines for my nasal infections
00:45:05that counteract any invasive substances introduced into my system.
00:45:10It's really quite fascinating. The chemicals mix with the enzymes in my mucus memory that...
00:45:15Dwebo!
00:45:16Yes, Lana?
00:45:17Just get us out of here.
00:45:19Sure, sure, sure. I found an explosives detonator in the lab.
00:45:24And I think the combination of your ass-firing laser and the explosives detonator
00:45:29should be sufficient to blow the crap out of this door.
00:45:32Of course, as you know, the combustion phenomenon of propellants and explosives when mixed together...
00:45:38Dwebo!
00:45:40Yes, Lana?
00:45:43Please. Just get us out of here.
00:45:45Okay, Lana. You'll have to aim it precisely at the right spot on the door in order for it to
00:45:50work.
00:45:51Stand back, everybody. Ass-wrains are coming through.
00:45:55Dwebo, stand back. She's gonna blow.
00:46:09Okay. Here we go.
00:46:19I don't know what's wrong.
00:46:21I've never had this happen before.
00:46:23I just can't seem to muster up the energy to use my ass laser.
00:46:28Oh, honey, it's all right.
00:46:29It's all right.
00:46:30It'll all come back to you.
00:46:31Maybe it's just that time of the month.
00:46:33I don't think.
00:46:34I don't know, Triple B.
00:46:36I just feel like I've lost my mojo.
00:46:40Oh, I am so tired.
00:46:44What's happening, Lana?
00:46:46Oh, Dweebs, I can't fire my ass laser.
00:46:49Oh, this isn't good.
00:46:51If only we had some kind of nuclear device to trigger the detonator.
00:46:56Um, will this help?
00:47:00Where did you get that?
00:47:02Oh, I saw it laying around the lab.
00:47:04I thought it might come in handy.
00:47:05Good work, Triple B.
00:47:07Okay, put the plutonium rod into the latch and then light it with these matches.
00:47:13Oh, okay, here I go.
00:47:18Um!
00:47:24Now stand back and shield your eyes.
00:47:53Well, that's one way to blow a lot.
00:47:55Let's get out of here for Chaz and Dark Widow return.
00:48:11We're talking about the anatomy of abuse.
00:48:20Assistant D.A. Lana Lay on me.
00:48:22Lana, it's Mayor Boner.
00:48:25I'm afraid we have a real dilemma on our hands.
00:48:29Chaz Chernobyl claims we've gotten the big machine operational.
00:48:33And he and the Dark Widow are demanding unconditional surrender.
00:48:36And then, of course, there is the matter of that nuclear fallout that's covering 2nd Avenue.
00:48:42Have you been in touch with Thong Girl?
00:48:45I'm sorry, Mayor Boner.
00:48:46I haven't been able to reach Thong Girl.
00:48:49She's not answering her thong phone.
00:48:51Well, give her a message when you see her, won't you?
00:48:54Tell her that Music City has fallen into criminal hands.
00:48:59Only she can save us from the evil clutches of Chaz, Chernobyl, and the Dark Widow.
00:49:07All right, Mayor.
00:49:08I'll tell her.
00:49:09Goodbye.
00:49:11Goodbye.
00:49:12Goodbye.
00:49:13Goodbye.
00:49:14Goodbye.
00:49:15Goodbye.
00:49:18Goodbye.
00:49:19Goodbye.
00:49:20Goodbye.
00:49:21Goodbye.
00:49:22Goodbye.
00:49:23Goodbye.
00:49:24Goodbye.
00:49:24Goodbye.
00:49:28Goodbye.
00:49:31Goodbye.
00:49:33Goodbye.
00:49:36Goodbye.
00:49:39Goodbye.
00:49:43Goodbye.
00:49:46Goodbye.
00:49:47Goodbye.
00:49:52Goodbye.
00:49:52Goodbye.
00:49:52Goodbye.
00:49:53Goodbye.
00:49:54Goodbye.
00:50:00Good day, if you are selling something, I am not interested.
00:50:03Are you the Maharishi Sanjay Gupta Lowenstein?
00:50:06Well, that depends on who is asking, and for what purpose?
00:50:10I'm Assistant District Attorney Lana Leonmi, and I need your help.
00:50:14I hear you have incredible healing powers, and you are an expert in all forms of martial arts and weaponry.
00:50:21And I make a mean bloody Mary too, and then what do you want?
00:50:24Well, I need your spiritual guidance.
00:50:27I seem to have had some kind of physical and mental collapse.
00:50:32I just can't seem to find my mojo.
00:50:35I would love to help you get your mojo back.
00:50:37Unfortunately, I have a little problem with lawyers.
00:50:40Messy divorce a few years ago.
00:50:43Lost the farm, so to speak, to this day.
00:50:45I blame my ex-wife and her choice to lawyer. Now good day, ma'am!
00:50:51What is it now?
00:50:52You know, not all lawyers are bad.
00:50:54There are a lot of lawyers out there who do good deeds, and those deeds a lot of times go
00:50:58unnoticed.
00:50:59Tell that to my accountant, Saul Leibowitz.
00:51:02He's been going crazy trying to figure this mess out.
00:51:04That is why I became a holy man.
00:51:07Being a holy man makes a great tax shelter.
00:51:11Now good day, ma'am!
00:51:14What is it now?
00:51:16They call me Thong Girl.
00:51:21Thong Girl?
00:51:22Well, why didn't you say so?
00:51:24That's a horse of a different color.
00:51:26Come on in!
00:51:44You sure look familiar. Have we met somewhere before?
00:51:48Uh, no. You must have me mistaken for some other five foot tall Maharishi with fake beard and Jewish accent.
00:51:56Want some coffee? I'll put a nice herbal tea.
00:51:59Uh, no thank you.
00:52:02Thong Girl, I have heard of your plight.
00:52:05And I am willing to help you regain your motto as you call it.
00:52:08And defeat all the evil doers of the world who threaten to destroy all the good citizens of Music City
00:52:15USA.
00:52:16But first, you must give me something in return.
00:52:20Like what?
00:52:21Bring me the broomstick of the Wicked Witch of the West.
00:52:24What?
00:52:25Sorry, wrong movie. Real change.
00:52:27Ahem. I require the ring.
00:52:31My ring? Why would you want my ring?
00:52:34Do you not recall a mysterious stranger who gave you that ring on a trip to India several years ago?
00:52:41Why, yes. How did you know that?
00:52:43I know a lot of things, my child.
00:52:47It is no coincidence that you are here today.
00:52:50Our paths are predetermined by forces much higher than ourselves.
00:52:56Some call him Allah, some call him Jesus, Mohammed, Krishna, some even call him Oprah.
00:53:03Ahem.
00:53:04That ruby ring was given to you as a beacon that ultimately brought you here to me.
00:53:10Will you help me defeat Chaz Chernobyl and the Dark Widow so that Music City can once again be a
00:53:16safe and respectable place for law-abiding citizens?
00:53:20Yes, yes, yes, and so much more.
00:53:23You will live here with a renewed self-confidence and a clearer vision of your place in the world.
00:53:29You will fly higher and fight stronger than you ever imagined.
00:53:35You will take your place among the greatest superheroes of all time.
00:53:40And you will acquire powers you never knew you had.
00:53:43Great. When do we get started?
00:53:47There is no time like the present. We will start right now.
00:54:08It has inches too high-pitched like this.
00:54:20The funcion feels good.
00:54:20The didn't talk like this.
00:54:27guitar solo
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