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00:23For more information, visit the website.
00:35Welcome, Watchers of Illusion, to the Castle of Confusion.
00:40Phase across time with us once more, for this is the age of adventure.
00:46I, Treyguard, master of the dungeon, give you audience.
00:51Watch now, you armchair adventurers,
00:55while others, braver than yourselves, challenge the secrets of my lair.
01:01A quest is now in progress, so here's a progress report.
01:06Brave Simon and his Yorkshiremen have used their wits to make new friends.
01:11With monsters foiled, this northern crew have penetrated level two.
01:16In deeper depths, a talking key then led them on a merry spree to Merlin,
01:21who has armed them well by gifting them two magic spells.
01:25The first is lantern for brighter light, the second anvil with which to fight.
01:31So, thus equipped, we now shall see if they can get to level three.
01:37And now time turns, the fire burns, time out is gone, the quest is on.
01:45Right, now where am I?
01:46Right, there's, straight in front of you, there's two doors opposite each other in the wall.
01:52And from those, two, two spears are coming out of each.
01:55Coming across the wall.
01:56Warning, Dungeon here and advisors.
01:58Simon must time his progress with care.
02:01There should be a safe zone between the spear paths.
02:05But don't leave it too long.
02:07Lifeforce energy is not healthy.
02:11Right, when I say go, go quickly forward for, till I say stop.
02:18In a second.
02:22Go, quick.
02:24Stop.
02:27Go forward one pace.
02:29No, don't.
02:31Right, run forward when I say this.
02:36Go.
02:40Now where am I?
02:42We can't see you, but it's all dark.
02:45Spellcasting.
02:46L.
02:47A.
02:48N.
02:49T.
02:49E.
02:50R.
02:51N.
02:53There's a guy in front of you sat on by the well.
02:56Who turned that light on?
02:59Who disturbs the sleep of gibbet?
03:03Well, whoever you are, you're going to pay for it now.
03:10Disturb gibbet's sleep.
03:12And gibbet puts you to sleep instead.
03:16Ask him what he wants.
03:18What do you want?
03:20Say nighty night, little one.
03:23Because here I come.
03:25Cast anvil.
03:27Maybe return light on.
03:28Spellcasting.
03:29Dispel.
03:30Dispel.
03:31Dispel.
03:32Dispel.
03:33A-N-L-T-E-R-N.
03:38Dear, dear, dear.
03:40I don't think that was quite the thing to do.
03:44Advisors, the situation called for defensive or offensive action.
03:49You did neither.
03:50And turning the lantern off did not save Simon from the guard.
03:54By the way, if you're worried about Simon and what you're going to say to his parents, you needn't be.
04:00Just look in your magic mirror and you'll see that Simon, although he perished in the dungeon, has survived in
04:07the reality you call your time.
04:10Time now for you to join him.
04:13Spellcasting.
04:14D-I-S-M-I-S-S
04:22Farewell, Simon.
04:23Take with you those scrolls as proof of your journey through the dungeon.
04:27You did very well, but I'm afraid you came an awful cropper.
04:32The path behind you leads back to your time, your world.
04:37So farewell, Simon, Stephen, Jonathan, and Simon.
04:47Ah, well, life goes on, or not, as they say.
04:51And there are still deeds to do before time flies.
04:55The dungeon wins and challenge is still.
04:58But who shall be next to pick up the gauntlet?
05:01Enter, stranger.
05:05Who dares the dungeon next?
05:08Danny Clayton.
05:10Well, stand not on ceremony, then, or time becomes our enemy.
05:14Call your advisers to us now.
05:17Nigel, Tom, and Mark.
05:21And name yourselves, please.
05:24Nigel Harvey.
05:25I come from Portsmouth.
05:26Tom Crude.
05:27And I'm also from Portsmouth.
05:29Mark Tutel, I'm from Portsmouth, too.
05:31Well, now that we have the next team, we can commence.
05:34You will have read the rules of ritual and the Adventurer's Code.
05:38But first, for those who merely watch, a brief reminder.
05:42Here is the helmet of justice, which blinds you to the way ahead.
05:47Here the knapsack for food to feed your life force.
05:51Two objects only may you carry, if you discover objects on your quest.
05:56Choose cautiously and use magic or the weapons of your enemies with care.
06:02A word of warning, the dungeon is obscure, so any knowledge of previous quests will be of little use.
06:09Well, Danny, your life force energy level is conditioned green, and your spirits are high.
06:16The silver spurs of squiredom await your success.
06:20Once embarked, remember, the only way is onward.
06:25There is no turning back.
06:27Well, are you ready to enter the quest?
06:31Yes.
06:31Very well.
06:34Turn, then.
06:36Face the dungeon door.
06:40And step boldly forward.
06:45Where am I?
06:47Um, Daniel, in a room.
06:49There's four large doors leading out of the room, and it's all brick.
06:53Um, there's also a jester standing.
06:56Careful, team.
06:57I think you'd better let me deal with this gentleman first.
07:01Folly, what are you doing here?
07:05Oh, hail, master.
07:16Follish Folly is my name, and Personal Enterprise is my game.
07:21This is the start of a whole new business.
07:25Folly presents Folly Tours.
07:28A personal, guided tour of the dungeon, including all the sights and sounds and history.
07:34Money or your life back, if not fully satisfied.
07:36Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
07:38Oh, and of course, there's the special feature.
07:41Oh, yes.
07:41And what's that?
07:43Oh, I'm calling it Meet a Monster.
07:46Blah!
07:47A totally unforgettable experience.
07:49Oh, yes.
07:50Yes, I understand. You're unlikely to live to forget it, right?
07:54Oh, master's all wisdom as usual.
07:58Wise enough to be up to your tricks, and these young people must have similar wit.
08:03Now, Folly, you can hint, but not Harris. Do not obstruct this quest. Now, continue.
08:10Folly is all obedience. Right then, young Dungeoneer, what is your name?
08:17Danny.
08:18Excellent, excellent. Right then, Danny. Listen carefully.
08:25Fiddle, faddle, faddle, fiddle. The path to truth is in the riddle.
08:33Go third from left and certain death, whilst fourth from right is out of sight.
08:42The foolish folk that I can diddle, take the door that's second right from the middle.
08:52All right. Did you get that?
08:55Can you repeat that?
08:57Oh, smelly feet must I repeat. Oh, very well then. Now, listen carefully.
09:04Go third from left and certain death, whilst fourth from right is out of sight.
09:15The foolish folk that I can diddle, take the door that's second right from the middle.
09:23Okay, Daniel.
09:25Okay, Daniel. Go forwards. Forwards until I say stop.
09:29That door.
09:31Okay, stop. Right now, sidestep twice to your left.
09:39And again. Okay, forwards, Daniel. Just keep going forwards.
09:43Walking forwards.
09:44A bit faster, Daniel. Keep going, Dan.
09:48Now where am I?
09:50Okay, Daniel, you're in a reasonably large room with a fireplace in the right-hand side wall.
09:55In front of you there is two doors.
09:57Warning, team. Here be worms. This one is deadly.
10:03Make a way out of here.
10:05Quick.
10:06Right, Daniel, walk, stop walking forward. Quickly. Come on, hurry up.
10:10Right, stop. Take a sidestep to your right. Quick.
10:13Now start walking forward. Quite quickly.
10:18Where am I now?
10:20Danny, you're in a sort of a room. It looks a bit like a kitchen.
10:23There's two doors in one of the corners and in the middle of the room is a table.
10:28Can you see the table from there?
10:30I can just see one of the legs.
10:32Right, move forwards a bit and get to the table.
10:34And then go round the back so that you can see what's on it.
10:41There's a key.
10:45We want the key.
10:46Firstly, take the...
10:48There's a pineapple on it. Take that and put it in your sack. Your bag.
10:53Yeah.
10:54You have to lay too long in this chamber.
10:58Manifestation is now occurring.
11:00Stand quite still.
11:02Stand quite still.
11:03Danny, stay still.
11:04Danny, stay still.
11:11Ah, just as I expected. It's a wall monster category level one.
11:17This tedious creature will attempt to feed on life force if you let it.
11:22All wall monsters look alike to me.
11:24And this one is either Olgarth or Granitas.
11:27I can't say it's likely to make much difference.
11:31Pardon?
11:34I am Granitas of legend.
11:38I have riddles of different kinds of different...
11:44Pardon?
11:46Legends.
11:47Oh, don't laugh at him, team.
11:50It's not a good idea to laugh at wall monsters even when they're flatulent.
11:54Three riddles have I, and truth is what I seek.
12:00One truth will pass you on.
12:02Two may aid you.
12:04Three commands me.
12:06Fail all three, and I feed on you.
12:12Listen, team. With one solution you may proceed.
12:15With two, you gain some knowledge which may be of help.
12:18Solve all three, and who knows what secrets this granite windbag will reveal.
12:24Fail all three, and you won't be in much of a state to continue.
12:29Here is my first.
12:33Before the coming of the Grail, before the Norsemen's Viking hordes,
12:39before even the Romans came, these priestly rulers held these shores.
12:44Who were they?
12:49Druids.
12:50Druids.
12:51Truth accepted.
12:52Here is my second.
12:57Rocks, it harms not.
12:59Humans, it harms not.
13:02It is the sickness of the ages.
13:06Yet the strongest iron and steel cannot defeat it.
13:10What is it?
13:11Time.
13:12Time.
13:13Time.
13:14What do you think it is?
13:15Time.
13:16Time.
13:18Time.
13:18Walthhood.
13:20Rust was the truth, I thought.
13:23Here is my...
13:27...fun...
13:28...third.
13:31It is written, but not easily read.
13:36It almost rhymes with doom.
13:41Yet doom is not all it says.
13:45It may be cast, yet not away.
13:49Know you the truth of what I say?
13:57Remember the Druids, team.
13:59Remember the Druids.
14:02Remember the Druids.
14:03Can you repeat that last riddle, please?
14:05Once only, I will repeat.
14:11It is written, yet not easily read.
14:17It almost rhymes with doom.
14:21Yet doom is not all it says.
14:24It may be cast, yet not away.
14:29Know you the truth of what I say?
14:31Yeah.
14:32Go for it.
14:33What is it?
14:34Runes.
14:35Runes.
14:36I think so.
14:37Yeah.
14:37Try runes.
14:39Runes!
14:39You accept it.
14:42Two is the score.
14:44You may know more.
14:47Some lucks need more than keys.
14:53Enough.
14:55Don't take me.
14:57Granitas is sleepy now.
15:01I hunger.
15:03Yet we may leap again.
15:08Right.
15:09Um.
15:10Daniel, have you picked up the pineapple yet?
15:12Yeah.
15:12He's got a pineapple.
15:13Right.
15:14What else was there?
15:14The Buddhist, a key, and some salt.
15:17A statue, a key, and some bag of salt.
15:19He's a key.
15:19Well, the Buddhism is some sort of symbol, isn't it?
15:21Yes.
15:22It's a little statuette.
15:23What about the salts that might come in handy?
15:25I don't think we need the key.
15:26Okay.
15:27Take the salt and the...
15:28Buddhist and the...
15:30Statue.
15:30Statue.
15:33What are you doing now?
15:34Carry, team.
15:35Oil waste life force energy.
15:37No, you can't put it in your bag, Danny.
15:38No, not in your bag.
15:39You can't take the salt in your bag.
15:40Put it in your arm.
15:41Oh.
15:42Come on, hurry up.
15:42Quickly.
15:43Take it on time.
15:44Alright, turn around.
15:45That one.
15:45Yeah.
15:46Turn around.
15:46Turn around a bit more.
15:47Right, forwards.
15:49Forwards?
15:50Yeah.
15:51Right, half a turn to your right.
15:53And for...
15:54No, he's gone too fast.
15:55Little bit to your left.
15:57Right, forwards.
15:58Forwards.
15:59Forwards.
16:01Where am I now?
16:02Danny, you're in a bomb room.
16:03Hurry up and go straight...
16:05Straight across the room.
16:06Don't know about crashing.
16:07Quick, hurry up.
16:09Faster, Danny.
16:09Keep going faster, Danny.
16:10Keep going faster, Danny.
16:11Where am I?
16:13Right, Danny, you're in...
16:14Danny, you're in a stony cavern.
16:16It's a serpent's head in the far wall,
16:18and opposite you there is...
16:20Well, right by you there is a big opening.
16:22So stay where you are.
16:24Over the other side of the opening is a lady,
16:26dressed up with a cloak and some sort of crown.
16:30Aha!
16:32I spy with my little eye...
16:36An intruder!
16:39Eyes without and ears within.
16:42Tell me, stranger, what you bring.
16:44Warning, team.
16:46This is the chamber of Lilith.
16:48Beware her words, and my...
16:50Silence, you miserable, landless knight.
16:53Be gone from here, or meet your blight.
16:59Okay, Danny, show her the...
17:01Show her now.
17:01No, stranger.
17:03Tell me your name.
17:05And what do you bring me?
17:07Should I tell her?
17:08Yes, show her the Buddha.
17:09Be nice to her.
17:09The Buddha.
17:10My name is Danny, and I bring you this Buddha.
17:13Oh!
17:14A Buddha!
17:16How absolutely charming!
17:18And what a delightful young person you are.
17:21I can't remember when I've had such an attractive visitor.
17:25You really must come over here
17:28and bring that gorgeous little knick-knack with you
17:31for my further examination.
17:34Wait.
17:35Rock to rock, and stone to stone.
17:39Span the pit, and cross the zone.
17:45There you are.
17:47Now, with a little help from your charming friends.
17:49Oh, yes.
17:50I know you're there.
17:52You should be able to cross safely.
17:55Okay, Daniel.
17:57Okay, Daniel, walk forwards.
18:00Oh, no.
18:00I'm fast.
18:02Give me a gun.
18:02Turn a bit.
18:03Lift.
18:04A little bit.
18:05That's great.
18:06Right.
18:06Forwards.
18:08Right now, stretch out the hand with the Buddha on.
18:11Give it a bit more forward.
18:12Yeah, that's right.
18:13Give it to her.
18:14Oh, quickly, boy.
18:15I can't reach it.
18:17Right now.
18:19Daniel, take a turn to your right.
18:21I love going.
18:23Wait, Danny.
18:24No, don't.
18:25Stop.
18:25Stop, Daniel.
18:26No, no, stop.
18:28What a lovely present.
18:31I love presents, and I expect you do, too.
18:35So, here's one from me.
18:38I gift you a spell.
18:41It is called itch.
18:44Just be sure you don't use it when you're alone.
18:47And remember, it can be most uncomfortable without the antidote, which is, of course, a...
18:53The magic.
18:54Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
18:56That would be telling.
18:57Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
19:00Treyguard, if you're still there, you may come and tell your young friend how to handle magic.
19:07Just this once, mind.
19:08I will not have my domain used as an open dungeon.
19:13No, madam.
19:15Thank you, madam.
19:18Well done, team.
19:20Your charm has done the trick.
19:22And now for the trick of spellcasting.
19:25This is the ritual.
19:27Call out spellcasting followed by the letters of the spell in the right order.
19:33Now, hurry away.
19:35You may have charmed Lilith on this occasion, but I can assure you, it won't last forever.
19:41Treyguard!
19:42Forward, Danny.
19:43Forward, quickly.
19:44Be gone, Danny.
19:45Before I take the ground.
19:48Where am I?
19:50Right, Danny, we're in a moving room.
19:52It's, um...
19:53Oh, dear, oh, dear.
19:55That really wasn't very clever, was it?
19:58But if you will go walking into a monster's mouth, you shouldn't be at all surprised to end up in
20:03its stomach.
20:04Well, whatever you're going to do, I suggest you do it quickly, for the stomach is having a very unfriendly
20:10effect upon your remaining life force.
20:12Put the salt down, Danny.
20:14Put the salt.
20:16Well done, team.
20:17The only way to get out of a stomach is to cause a stomach upset.
20:21Your salt will do the trick.
20:23Now it's already taking effect.
20:27Oh, where am I?
20:29You're in a long corridor, Daniel.
20:31There's four doors, two to your right and two to your left.
20:34It's, um...
20:35Warning, team. Not a good spot to land, for this is the great corridor of the catacomb, and it's patrolled
20:41by the army of the dead.
20:43Exit with haste, or your quest ends now.
20:47Forwards, Daniel.
20:48Keep going forwards, fast.
20:51Stop.
20:51Stop.
20:52Turn to your left and walk forward.
20:56Forwards.
20:59Where am I now?
21:01Daniel, you're in a large room. There's, um, something that looks like a well in there.
21:05And also, I've got a large night...
21:07Halt!
21:09Intruder!
21:11I gumboil the horrid command you.
21:15The password?
21:17What's the password?
21:18At once!
21:19Spell.
21:20Or you perish!
21:21Spell.
21:22Spell.
21:24Spell casting.
21:25I.
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22:16You will have to earn what you eat here.
22:20Warning team, a complete temporal disruption approaching.
22:24Time is now the enemy.
22:27Oh dear, a temporal disruption complete.
22:31Time flies, as the Romans would say.
22:34And although all continues in your world,
22:37here time has flown.
22:40All adventuring must now cease until you phase with us once more.
22:45Will our team triumph in adversity?
22:48Or will the dungeon win once more?
22:52And if so, why should you care?
22:55For here, nothing is real.
22:58And all must surely be an illusion.
23:01Join us again for Nightmare.
23:05And just keep telling yourself,
23:08it's only a game, isn't it?
23:16Ooh, the evil eyes then.
23:18After the brain buzz kicks off with Bruce's Price is Right.
23:22Satellite digital viewers,
23:23you can press your red button and play along.
23:27And like the best things in life,
23:28it's absolutely free.
23:30Coming up now, Bruce's Price is Right.
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