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00:00This video is brought to you by S.T.A.L.A.
00:35Welcome, Watchers of Illusion, to the Castle of Confusion.
00:40Phase across time with us once more, for this is the age of adventure.
00:46I, Treyguard, master of the dungeon, give you audience.
00:51Watch now, you armchair adventurers,
00:54while others, braver than yourselves, challenge the secrets of my lair.
01:00A quest is now in progress, so here's a progress report.
01:06From Lancashire came Maeve and friends.
01:10Their wits they used to valiant ends.
01:12But though they braved the beasts and bombs and Granitas' stony stare,
01:17they still forgot a vital clue and met their doom in Lilith's lair.
01:22And a nasty fall it was, too.
01:26When Lanx was doomed, then Yorkshire rose.
01:29These lads are now the dungeon's foes.
01:32They've already had a big surprise.
01:34Can there be worse?
01:36And now time turns, the fire burns, time out is gone.
01:41The quest is on.
01:44Now where am I?
01:45You're on the edge of a ledge.
01:47There's a deep gap in front of you,
01:50and across from you there's a woman sitting on a rock.
01:53At last!
01:54At last!
01:56My champion!
01:59Somewhat smaller and weaker than I expected,
02:02but nevertheless, bearing my favour.
02:06Name yourself paladin.
02:09Simon Nichols, my lady.
02:12Welcome, Simon.
02:17Treyguard, your presence and opinions are not tolerated here.
02:23I hear you, Lilith.
02:25In this time and in this place alone, I accept your sovereignty.
02:30Excellent.
02:34Now, Simon, you and I are in need of closer consultation.
02:40So, rock to rock and stone to stone,
02:45span the pit and cross the zone.
02:51Come to Lilith, my young warrior,
02:54and don't delay, or the pit may claim you.
02:58Right, go forward.
03:00Quickly.
03:01Quickly.
03:03Go on.
03:06Stop!
03:07That is close enough.
03:09You may give me my favour.
03:13Oh!
03:15Now, Simon,
03:17with what weapons are you armed?
03:21None, my lady.
03:23None?
03:24Well, that is hardly satisfactory.
03:27Especially considering the task I must give you.
03:30Listen.
03:32Ahead of you,
03:33through the serpent's mouth,
03:35lies a chamber,
03:36which is occupied by a catacombite.
03:40This creature,
03:41if creature you can call it,
03:43belongs to the lower levels.
03:45But some spiteful sorcerer
03:48has brought it up here
03:49especially to annoy me.
03:50Its presence so near
03:53is very distressing.
03:56Now,
03:57since you have no weapons,
03:59you cannot kill the catacombite,
04:01but
04:02I want you to neutralise it for me.
04:06For this purpose,
04:08I gift you a spell.
04:10It is called
04:13Freezer.
04:15I'm sure
04:16Treyguard,
04:17that meddlesome dungeon master,
04:18will tell you how to use it
04:19as soon as he can.
04:21Now,
04:22in anticipation of your success,
04:25I will tell you
04:26that the safest pathway
04:28from the chamber
04:29is through the third door
04:32from the right.
04:35And as an added reward,
04:38I gift you a second spell.
04:40It is called
04:42Flare.
04:43and conquers darkness
04:45for a while.
04:46Now,
04:47be gone.
04:48Do my bidding
04:49and you have some chance
04:51of success.
04:52Now,
04:53listen most carefully,
04:54team,
04:55for the casting of even
04:56minor spells
04:57is a ticklish business
04:58and must be performed
04:59according to the ritual
05:00lest the magic misfires
05:02and the spell
05:03turns upon you.
05:05One of you here,
05:06amongst the advisors,
05:08must take the role
05:09of spellcaster.
05:12To invoke the magic,
05:14the chosen one
05:15must call out
05:16in a loud,
05:16clear voice,
05:19spellcasting,
05:20followed
05:21by the letters
05:22of the spell
05:23in the right order.
05:25Once used,
05:27some spells
05:28must be dismissed
05:29lest the effect
05:30turn upon the dungeon ear.
05:31The chant here is
05:34dispel,
05:35followed by the right letters,
05:36but in the wrong order.
05:39Now decide
05:41which of you
05:42shall become
05:43spellcaster.
05:48You have decided?
05:50Yeah.
05:50Good.
05:51Then I think
05:51you'd better assist
05:52your dungeon ear
05:53to leave this chamber
05:55whilst there is still
05:56life force.
05:58Turn right.
06:01Go forward.
06:03Stop.
06:05Turn a bit left.
06:06Stop.
06:08Go forward.
06:09Farewell, Simon.
06:11Farewell.
06:13Now where am I?
06:14Simon, for goodness sake,
06:16don't go any closer.
06:17You're relatively safe
06:18as long as you stay put.
06:20This is a catacomb bite
06:22which Lilith spoke of.
06:23It has no intelligence
06:25or self-will,
06:25but is virtually
06:27indestructible
06:28and must be
06:29neutralized by magic.
06:32Monsters in front of you.
06:33Spellcasting.
06:35Spellcasting.
06:36Spellcasting.
06:37R.
06:39E.
06:40E.
06:42Z.
06:44E.
06:45R.
06:49Well done, team,
06:50but remember
06:51the creature
06:51is only neutralized.
06:53Even a brush
06:54against it
06:54can do untold harm.
06:56Guide your dungeon ear
06:58with care,
06:58but don't linger.
07:00Go forward.
07:01I can't see it right here.
07:10Stop.
07:14Take a...
07:15Go left.
07:21Forward.
07:23Stop.
07:25Turn right.
07:27Go forward.
07:31Stop.
07:32Take a small step
07:33to your right.
07:35Go forward.
07:39Crouch, Simon.
07:41Crouch.
07:42Avoid contact
07:42at all costs.
07:44Crouch down.
07:46Go forward.
07:53Stop.
07:55Go.
07:56Go left.
08:00Go forward.
08:03Turn right.
08:05Go forward.
08:08Now,
08:08Adama.
08:09You didn't...
08:10Morning, team.
08:11Lilith was not to be trusted.
08:13She has sent you
08:14into the great corridor
08:15of the catacomb.
08:16This is patrolled
08:17by the army of the dead.
08:19Exit with haste.
08:20Simon,
08:21if you have the key,
08:22hold it up before you,
08:24but make sure
08:25it's the right door.
08:27Hurry now,
08:27nor your quest
08:29ends here.
08:31Hold the key up
08:32so we can see it.
08:33We can see it.
08:34Yeah.
08:34There's four doors.
08:35Each one's got a symbol
08:36in front of it.
08:37And to your right,
08:39there's the...
08:40Eh?
08:40Forward.
08:41Yeah.
08:41Go forward.
08:46Stop.
08:47Stop.
08:49Turn right.
08:51Go forward.
08:57Where am I?
09:00I don't know.
09:01The screen's totally blank.
09:03It's a flash.
09:04I'm trying to see if it's...
09:05Spellcasting.
09:07F.
09:09L.
09:10A.
09:12R.
09:14E.
09:17Right,
09:18it was that.
09:19Right,
09:19there's a...
09:21You didn't...
09:22Room
09:22with a well in the middle.
09:24Quickly, team.
09:25While the flare lasts,
09:26you have discovered
09:27a wellway
09:28to the next level.
09:29The number of levels
09:30to this dungeon
09:31isn't precisely known
09:33even by me.
09:34But escape
09:35and eventual success
09:36lies in the lowest.
09:40Go forward.
09:42Quickly.
09:44Right, there's one.
09:46Right, go down.
09:46Go...
09:51Where am I?
09:52You're in the room.
09:53I'm in front of you.
09:55Sat on a bench
09:56or something.
09:56There's a man
09:57that looks like a monk.
09:58By the side of him
09:59there's a table.
10:01He's all...
10:02Warning, team.
10:03A life force energy level
10:04is low.
10:05Simon is in no condition
10:07for combat.
10:08This is a level two
10:09malignant.
10:10Losing here
10:11would be fatal.
10:13Hail to you,
10:14dog's bottom!
10:19Listen, adventuring cur.
10:22I guard these halls.
10:24Face me
10:25or the right path
10:26is closed to you.
10:27Now listen, team.
10:29Level two guards
10:30are notoriously rude
10:31and vulgar
10:32but cannot attack you
10:33until you fail
10:34to answer their riddles.
10:36Simon,
10:36you must challenge him
10:38by saying
10:38I challenge.
10:40even though
10:41your energy level
10:42is critical
10:43you mustn't touch
10:44any food
10:45until you've
10:46defeated him.
10:48I challenge.
10:49Challenge accepted!
10:53Weak,
10:54mewling,
10:55awful brain fool!
10:58I have three riddles
11:00and truth I seek.
11:03One truth
11:04will pass you.
11:05Two
11:06may aid you.
11:08Three
11:09commands my allegiance.
11:12Fat chance
11:13of that
11:14dog's bottom!
11:17Right!
11:18Are you ready?
11:20Yep.
11:21Then here is my first.
11:24A prince of Islam
11:25on his day
11:26held all
11:28of Christendom
11:29at bay.
11:30To Moorish hordes
11:31he was
11:32Salah ad-Din.
11:34But
11:35how today
11:36do we name him?
11:38Is it
11:39them?
11:39No.
11:41Um.
11:43Um.
11:44Is it
11:44Buddha?
11:45Is it
11:46them?
11:46Is it
11:47Mohammed?
11:48Oh, Ali.
11:49Can you repeat it?
11:51Pardon?
11:52Ask him to repeat
11:53the riddle.
11:54Can you repeat it,
11:55please?
11:56You want me to
11:57repeat the riddle?
11:58Yes.
11:59I will repeat
12:00once.
12:02a prince of Islam
12:05on his day
12:06held all
12:07of Christendom
12:08at bay.
12:10To Moorish hordes
12:11he was
12:12Salah ad-Din.
12:13But how today
12:15do we name him?
12:17It seems
12:18like
12:19Mohammed
12:19What did I say?
12:21One riddle
12:22one answer
12:23name it.
12:25Say Mohammed.
12:27Mohammed.
12:28Falsehood!
12:29Salah ad-Din
12:31was the truth
12:32I sought.
12:33Here is my
12:34second.
12:36Red
12:37fought white
12:37and white
12:38fought red
12:39Great houses
12:41fought
12:41while England
12:42bled
12:43But answer
12:44as my riddle
12:45poses
12:46Who fought
12:48each other
12:48over roses?
12:50Lancashire and
12:50Yorkshire.
12:51Yorkshire and
12:51Lancashire.
12:52Yorkshire and
12:53Lancashire.
12:55Truth
12:55accepted
12:56York and
12:57Lancaster
12:58were the
12:58truths I
12:59sought
12:59Here is my
13:00third.
13:02Where
13:03falls the
13:04blow
13:04that harms
13:05you not
13:06Yet
13:06ends
13:07the state
13:07of
13:08common
13:08man
13:17Ask him
13:18to repeat
13:19it.
13:19Can you
13:20repeat
13:20it please?
13:21Once
13:23Where
13:24falls
13:24the
13:25blow
13:25that
13:25harms
13:26you
13:26not
13:27Yet
13:27ends
13:28the
13:28state
13:29of
13:29common
13:30man
13:39one
13:41riddle
13:41one
13:42truth
13:43name it
13:54edge
13:55falsehood
13:58on the
14:00shoulder
14:00The
14:02sword
14:03dub
14:03of
14:03knighthood
14:04was the
14:04truth
14:05I
14:05sought
14:07One's
14:08the
14:08score
14:08So
14:10pass
14:10on
14:11lame
14:12brain
14:13I'll
14:14take
14:15the
14:15grub
14:18You
14:18won't
14:18be
14:19needing
14:19it
14:19where
14:19you're
14:19going
14:27Exit
14:28with
14:28haste
14:28dungeon
14:29engineer
14:30Go
14:30forward
14:32Turn
14:32right
14:34Go
14:34forward
14:35Turn
14:36left
14:37Stop
14:37Go
14:38forward
14:41Now
14:42where
14:42am I?
14:43You're
14:43at the
14:43top
14:43of
14:43a
14:43flight
14:44of
14:44stairs
14:44Shuffle
14:45forward
14:45just
14:46till
14:46your
14:46feet
14:46is
14:46over
14:46the
14:46edge
14:47Yeah
14:47I
14:47can
14:47feel
14:47it
14:48Right
14:48Move
14:48to
14:48life
14:49force
14:50energy
14:50level
14:51critical
14:51You
14:51must
14:52find
14:52food
14:52immediately
14:53Move
14:54to
14:54your
14:54right
14:54till
14:54you
14:54feel
14:55the
14:55bannister
14:55Yeah
14:56Go
14:56down
14:57Right
14:58Go
14:58forward
14:59straight
14:59away
15:01Right
15:02Go
15:02to
15:02your
15:03left
15:04Right
15:04There's
15:06some
15:06food
15:06Take
15:06the
15:07food
15:07Got
15:07it
15:12There's
15:13also
15:13a
15:14key
15:14some
15:15pills
15:15and
15:16a
15:16snuff
15:16box
15:17Yeah
15:17Right
15:19It's
15:20about
15:20a
15:21gold
15:21Oh
15:21It's
15:22The
15:22engineer
15:22Here
15:23be
15:23objects
15:24of
15:24interest
15:24But
15:25if
15:25you're
15:25still
15:26carrying
15:26any
15:26level
15:26one
15:27objects
15:27you
15:27should
15:27abandon
15:28them
15:28here
15:28before
15:29collecting
15:30those
15:30from
15:30level
15:30two
15:31level
15:31one
15:32objects
15:32cannot
15:32help
15:33you
15:33now
15:33and
15:34may
15:34even
15:34prove
15:35harmful
15:36but
15:37don't
15:37waste
15:38time
15:38I
15:38sense
15:39the
15:39presence
15:40of
15:40a
15:40sentient
15:41being
15:42harmless
15:42or not
15:43I
15:43cannot
15:44tell
15:45Right
15:46This
15:47key's
15:47got loads
15:48Hey
15:49Hey
15:49Watch it
15:51Don't
15:52Drop me
15:53Hey
15:57What are you
15:58doing?
15:59What are you doing?
15:59Ask it what it is
16:00What are you?
16:02I'm
16:02Casper
16:04Casper the
16:04key
16:05That's me
16:06This
16:07or not
16:07knucklehead
16:09Merlin made me like this because he kept losing me
16:12Now I'm sort of lost and found so to speak
16:16Hey what's your name then?
16:19Um
16:19Simon Nichols
16:20Silly name
16:22They're half as good as Casper
16:24Hey
16:25You hang on to me
16:27and I'll come in handy
16:29But carry me carefully
16:31and don't bang me about
16:34Come on
16:35Right
16:36Take the key then
16:37Careful
16:40Right
16:40What else?
16:42Right
16:43There's a bag of gold
16:44and a box of pills
16:45Should we take the pills?
16:47Yeah
16:47I think
16:47Take the pills
16:49Okay
16:49Okay
16:50Yeah
16:51Right
16:51Turn to your right
16:53Go forward
16:56Stop
16:57Stop
17:00Take a step to your right
17:01Go forward
17:03Come on
17:05Come on
17:06Now
17:06You're in a room
17:08On the wall opposite
17:10there's five doorways
17:11A keyhole keeps appearing in each one
17:14There's a handle up on
17:15Hey
17:16What fun
17:17That's the old moving keyhole trick
17:19Hey I can do this
17:21I can do this
17:22Listen up fumble fingers
17:23If you want to beat the clock
17:25Just hold me up before the lock
17:28I can't move on
17:29Right
17:30Go forward
17:33Right
17:34Just a minute
17:35Stop
17:35That's right
17:36That's right
17:36Look
17:36Can you
17:38Move to your right
17:39Move to your right
17:40Go on
17:40No
17:41To your left
17:41To your left
17:42No
17:43That's right
17:44Forward
17:44Hold me up
17:45Hold me up
17:46Hold me up
17:46Quick
17:47Quick
17:48Now what am I
17:49You're in a big room
17:51It looks a bit like a library
17:53And in front of you on the floor
17:55There's three blocks
17:57There's a chair
17:58Ew
17:59There's another puzzle
18:00Yeah
18:01I love puzzles
18:03Right
18:04Turn to your right
18:06Go forward
18:07You might be able to feel the first block
18:08Oh yeah
18:09Stop
18:10Right
18:10Right next to that on the right
18:12There's another block
18:14If you look
18:15Down on the floor
18:16It's smaller
18:17Oh yeah
18:18Yeah
18:19Put down the pills
18:22On top of the first block
18:24This one
18:25Yeah
18:26And the key
18:26So you've got your hands free
18:29Careful
18:31Sorry
18:31Thank you
18:33Stand
18:34There's the
18:35Bend down and touch that block
18:37Yeah
18:38Right
18:38Stand it up so it's on its smallest end
18:41No
18:42No
18:42The other way
18:43Tip it to your right
18:44Tip it to your right
18:46Tip it
18:47That's all
18:47Tip it
18:47Tip it
18:48Tip it
18:48Tip it so your left hand's up
18:49Right
18:50Yeah
18:51Right that was it
18:52Slide it up against the other block
18:54This block
18:54Very good
18:55Yeah
18:56Come on
18:56Come on
18:57There's another block
18:58Yeah
18:58Just lift that up and put it on top of the block you've just moved
19:02Right
19:02Well done
19:05Oh dear oh dear
19:06What a splitting headache
19:08Now who on earth or under it is responsible for disturbing me
19:14Well come on come on who are you what are you called
19:18Simon Nichols
19:19Ah Simon
19:21So one good name deserves another
19:24My name is uh
19:27Just a minute it's it's on the tip of my tongue
19:31Merlin
19:32Yes my name is Marlin
19:34No that sounds too fishy
19:36Merlin
19:38Merlin
19:39That's it
19:40Yes Merlin
19:41Yes my name is Merlin
19:44Well
19:45Give him the key
19:47Welcome
19:47To the hall of folly
19:49Nothing to do with anyone else of that name you might meet
19:53Well not much to do with him at any rate
19:56Here you must find wisdom or depart a fool
20:01Oh I see you found Jasper the key
20:05It's not Jasper it's Casper
20:08Casper with a C that's me
20:10Shut up chatterbox
20:11Your name's Jasper or my name is not Merlin
20:16Oh
20:16I just remembered my name is
20:20Is Merlin
20:21Yes of course it is
20:22Yes my name is Merlin
20:25Well if you found Casper Simon
20:28You must have found my headache pills
20:31Yeah
20:31They were with him
20:32Just place them down before you please
20:37There
20:39Thank you
20:40Thank you Simon
20:41Well it's a good start
20:43But you must do better
20:45The deep spells I recall
20:47But the elementary magic I have forgotten
20:49Jog my memory three times
20:52And a little magic is yours
20:56Here then is my first
20:58And we'll make it really simple
21:03What was the prince of the pond?
21:07The toad
21:08What was it?
21:09A frog?
21:10A frog
21:10Yeah
21:10A frog
21:11Truth accepted
21:13Here is my second
21:16A common magic
21:18Far from grand
21:20Removes small blemishes
21:23From one's hand
21:24Oh dear
21:26This one's so easy
21:28It's embarrassing
21:29Soap
21:29But I must insist
21:31Yes
21:31On the answer please
21:32Soap
21:34Soap
21:35Could you say that again please?
21:38Soap
21:39I don't know
21:39Falsehood
21:40What charming
21:42Was the truth I sought
21:43And now
21:45Here finally
21:46Is my third
21:49She rides at night
21:51On broomstick flight
21:53And cooks her spells
21:55In a cauldron black
21:57Her robe is dark
21:58Her eyes are bright
22:00But what precisely
22:04Is her cat?
22:06Black
22:07Black cat
22:09Black
22:12A familiar
22:13Black familiar
22:14Is it?
22:15Ah
22:15Ah
22:16A black familiar
22:17Familiar
22:18Truth accepted
22:20Two
22:21Is the score
22:24You have avoided
22:25Outright folly
22:26And so
22:28I will gift you
22:28Two small spells
22:31The first is called
22:33Anvil
22:34And is offensive
22:35In nature
22:36It is also
22:38Rather hasty
22:39The second
22:40Is called
22:41Lantern
22:44The way ahead
22:45Is open to you
22:47But the path
22:49Is perilous
22:50Somewhere
22:52Ahead of you
22:53Lies
22:54Mogdred
22:55My alter ego
22:57He is the dark side
22:59Of my nature
23:00And of my magic
23:02And must be overcome
23:05Farewell
23:09Turn to your left
23:11Go for
23:13No
23:13Go forward
23:14Stop
23:16Turn to your left
23:20Turn forward
23:24Warning team
23:25A complete temporal disruption
23:27Approaching
23:28Time is now the enemy
23:31Oh dear
23:33Here a temporal disruption
23:35Complete
23:35Time flies
23:37As the Romans would say
23:39And although all continues
23:40In your world
23:42Here time has flown
23:44All adventuring
23:46Must now cease
23:47Until you phase
23:48With us once more
23:50Will our team triumph
23:52In adversity
23:53Or will the dungeon
23:54Win once more
23:56And if so
23:57Why should you care
23:59For here
24:00Nothing is real
24:02And all must surely
24:04Be an illusion
24:05Join us again
24:07For nightmare
24:09And just keep telling yourself
24:12It's only a game
24:15Isn't it?
24:23After the break
24:24The brain buzz
24:25Kicks off
24:26With Bruce's
24:26Price is right
24:27Followed by
24:27Play your cards right
24:28That's at 8.30
24:29So all you
24:30Digital satellite viewers
24:31Get ready to
24:32Press the red button
24:33And play along
24:33Absolutely free
24:57I'll see you next time