- 21 hours ago
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00:01:05You do.
00:01:06Someone's changed the tune.
00:01:10I've got so much to tell you.
00:01:14But I think I love you, Niles.
00:01:18Sometimes I feel that.
00:01:20And then, I don't know.
00:01:21Other times, I...
00:01:22Not so much.
00:01:26Over the last week, I've had a lot of time to think about my life.
00:01:30My future work, you know, what I'm doing.
00:01:32Who am I spending it with?
00:01:35And, I don't know, like, the last week, we've connected, you know, better than ever before.
00:01:42But...
00:01:42I need to tell you something.
00:01:44Oh, no, just let me finish.
00:01:45I don't know what it is.
00:01:46Like, something feels different.
00:01:49I mean, it's like the spark in our relationship is back, and it's never been any better.
00:01:54Like, I don't know.
00:01:56Maybe it's just me.
00:01:57Maybe I've had a lot of time to think, you know.
00:02:01I don't know.
00:02:08Maybe it's...
00:02:09Something that you want.
00:02:13The one thing that I'm sure about...
00:02:18Is...
00:02:18I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
00:02:27Niles, wait.
00:02:31Jemma.
00:02:33Will you marry me?
00:02:38And I...
00:02:39I know it's just a band, but I promise you when I get no money, you know, I'll get you
00:02:43a diamond.
00:02:44What do you say?
00:02:51I've got something to come first.
00:02:54What?
00:02:55I'm not Jemma.
00:02:59You are.
00:03:02I'm not Jemma.
00:03:06Well, you are joking, right?
00:03:10No.
00:03:24I met Jemma just under a week and a half ago.
00:03:29I wonder if it was half a year to be more related and that we were twins, and I mean,
00:03:36you were even surprised with the piano play.
00:03:49Miles, please.
00:03:51Can you explain?
00:03:52John, I...
00:03:53You could have just said no, all right?
00:03:55Instead of making that ridiculous story.
00:04:00Look, it's...
00:04:01Miles, please!
00:04:02Come on, kids.
00:04:32Not a problem.
00:04:34You're so subtle.
00:04:36Music playing
00:05:00Don't blow this rubbish too long.
00:05:02I don't want my electric dig on trying to roof.
00:05:07Come on Trace, have a dance.
00:05:10Yeah, come on Trace.
00:05:13Some of us have work to do.
00:05:17Wait, you haven't had a job since 1997.
00:05:22Tricky, I'm working.
00:05:24Alright.
00:05:26Good boy.
00:05:29Definitely a damn.
00:05:45Linda's a tenner mum.
00:05:47Not me of the money.
00:05:48Don't be so stingy I don't get paid for another two weeks.
00:05:52I'm sure I can work somewhere out.
00:05:54You want a job, cash in hand?
00:05:56Sounds good.
00:05:57What, you scheming?
00:05:58Me scheming?
00:06:07Tracey's luxury getaway, isn't this about...
00:06:09No, you mine.
00:06:10Mum.
00:06:10No, my...
00:06:11Okay.
00:06:13You remember that holiday letter scheme I had?
00:06:17Well, you're going to have to be more specific than that.
00:06:19The cockroaches.
00:06:21Oh, gross, yeah. What about it?
00:06:22All those cheap places, they don't give refunds, do they?
00:06:26They give vouchers.
00:06:27Yes.
00:06:28But I ran that scheme five times before they worked it out.
00:06:31Now I've got good credit.
00:06:34Okay.
00:06:35So, I now rent a place, sublet it on my website.
00:06:43I've put a few targeted adverts in posh areas.
00:06:47Surely this can't work?
00:06:49It has.
00:06:51I've just rented an art deco cottage.
00:06:54I've rented it a couple of days either side, so you can go in, sort the place out,
00:06:59then clean up before the real owners get in and check it out.
00:07:03How much then?
00:07:06Fifty quid.
00:07:11Deal.
00:07:17Oh, God, it's me, Edward. See you on.
00:07:24Hello.
00:07:26Yes, this is she.
00:07:30Yes, I've just got your booking.
00:07:33Oh, I'm just wondering how private and secure your listing is.
00:07:37Yes, the family does need security in a private environment.
00:07:41Don't worry, it's a lovely, quiet area.
00:07:45Perfect for walks.
00:07:47Oh, excellent.
00:07:49One of our parties will be coming and arriving on the Saturday,
00:07:53and the rest of the parties will be arriving the following day.
00:07:57Perfect.
00:07:59And you're happy to pay for the security in advance?
00:08:04Oh, yes, of course, that's not a problem.
00:08:07Wonderful.
00:08:09You will, of course, get it back when we've checked over the property after your client leaves.
00:08:15Oh, wonderful.
00:08:17If I have any more questions, I'll give you another ring.
00:08:20I'm happy to have served you, madam.
00:08:23Okay, goodbye.
00:08:24Bye-bye.
00:08:25Bye-bye.
00:08:26Is everything gone fact?
00:08:28Oh, yes, Princess, your getaway makes.
00:08:31Would you like me to tell this in Her Majesty?
00:08:34No, no, I'll tell them at lunch.
00:08:37Is anything wrong, Princess?
00:08:39You do look as though you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders.
00:08:43I have something to tell them when we're on holiday.
00:08:46And I don't think they're going to be very happy with me.
00:08:50I'm happy to listen.
00:08:52Perhaps I'm just being silly.
00:08:55Anyway, we need to look at next week's schedule.
00:09:01Of course.
00:09:02The schedule.
00:09:05Mmm.
00:09:09Mmm.
00:09:13Mmm.
00:09:15Mmm.
00:09:16Oh, now we're going.
00:09:19James, what are you doing?
00:09:20You're going to choke?
00:09:22Oh, yes.
00:09:36Told you.
00:09:37Shut up.
00:09:43Do you think there should be more to life than there?
00:09:45What do you mean?
00:09:47I feel stuck, you know.
00:09:49Same old job, same old friends, same old...
00:09:51everything, you know.
00:09:53Until I went lottery or marry a prince, this is all we've got.
00:09:59And what about us?
00:10:00What do you mean? Where do you see us heading?
00:10:02I'm not having kids, if that's what you mean.
00:10:04No, I don't mean...
00:10:04My mum will kill me if I make her a grandmother.
00:10:08I'm being silly.
00:10:09She's got a knife in the garage bigger than Rambos.
00:10:13You said you had something to tell me, is that it?
00:10:16No, it's mine.
00:10:17I'm going...
00:10:18I'm not having kids.
00:10:25I'm not having kids.
00:10:29I don't know who knows.
00:10:41And it's going to happen.
00:10:44I'm not having kids go to the corticis...
00:10:47Watch it! Trappy!
00:10:49Besides, I wish you could stay here.
00:10:52It's already spotless.
00:10:53What do we do then?
00:10:55Well, we've got to clean up half of ourselves
00:10:56and then we've got to swap the brochures and the guest box
00:10:58to my mum so they think it's hers.
00:11:00Oh, easy.
00:11:02Besides, we wouldn't make that much mess, will we?
00:11:10You know what?
00:11:13Mines don't excite me anymore.
00:11:16What about that fella that tried chatting us up in the club last week?
00:11:19He was fake.
00:11:21Oh, no, not my time.
00:11:23Yeah, we'll have miles your time.
00:11:27He used to be a boy.
00:11:29That beats my ass.
00:11:55Stop!
00:11:56Don't take my pillows away!
00:11:58These are my pillows, love.
00:12:08Oh my God!
00:12:09They're checking in in an hour!
00:12:11Quickly!
00:12:14Keep your hand on!
00:12:20Hey.
00:12:21Oh, yeah, Mum.
00:12:23Oh, yeah, we're fine.
00:12:25We're just doing final checks and that.
00:12:28Yeah, yeah, when the first person arrives.
00:12:32Yeah, yeah, fine, fine.
00:12:33Yeah.
00:12:35Yeah, later.
00:12:38Clean up!
00:12:39Now!
00:12:40Okay.
00:12:41Wahey!
00:12:54You, jee!
00:13:17Oh, great, we're here.
00:13:20Oh, finally.
00:13:22It'd be so good to just relax and not have to think about my duties.
00:13:25And I've just got one last email to send.
00:13:27Oh, okay.
00:13:28I'll go and grab the keys.
00:13:49Oh, excuse me.
00:13:51Morning.
00:13:52Sorry.
00:13:52No problem.
00:13:54Lunch.
00:13:55We're just finished.
00:13:56I've got the keys here for you.
00:13:58Oh, thank you.
00:14:01I'll give these to my boss.
00:14:02Right, I'll just go grab my colleague.
00:14:31I'll just go grab my bag.
00:14:34I'll just go grab my bag.
00:14:34the train all right. Me auntie wants her nails doing and she's always generous.
00:14:40See you later, sweet.
00:14:48I'm shooting up. Have a lovely step. Well, thank you.
00:15:00I think I'll get a question.
00:15:01Yeah, she just went to really see why and didn't let it over here.
00:15:05Oh, are you sure you'll be okay? You might just...
00:15:07Oh, yes, there's a little shop just down the road.
00:15:12A corner shop. Have you ever been in a shop before?
00:15:18Is it like hand runs?
00:15:44Oh, my God.
00:15:46Oh, no.
00:15:47Oh, muah!
00:15:54Ah, my God.
00:16:00Oh, why is it that simple?
00:16:01Oh, wow, you really are letting it all hang out, aren't you, Princess?
00:16:07Oh, you should put a cardigan on in case of the paparazzi.
00:16:11Oh, and to keep you warm.
00:16:13What?
00:16:15I'll have to run now, Princess.
00:16:17Excuse me.
00:16:18Oh.
00:16:20I've got to go and do a shift at the tea bag factory and have a hot pot.
00:16:26Oh, you do amuse me, Princess.
00:16:29Call me Princess again and I'll show you how amusing I can be.
00:16:34It's all right, love.
00:16:49Sorry, love.
00:16:50I mean, Madden, I've just left my phone.
00:16:53I'll just grab it.
00:17:03Oh, you don't mind me.
00:17:13No!
00:17:18Listen, I've had the place redecorated.
00:17:21Now, I've already put in some scratches so they'll knock 10% off, but you'll have to pay for the
00:17:26rest.
00:17:30Maybe it's time your constituencies and your wife found out what it is you get up to.
00:17:40Don't get funny with me, buddy boy.
00:17:42I've still got the photos.
00:17:44You've got plenty of money.
00:17:49Good.
00:17:50That's better.
00:17:52Now, I'll want it in my account by the end of the day.
00:17:57Who was that?
00:17:59Mayor.
00:18:00What?
00:18:01I used to date him about 10 years back.
00:18:05You wouldn't believe the dirt I've got on him.
00:18:10Oh, my gosh.
00:18:12That's a girl I feel sorry for.
00:18:15Anyway, what can I do for you, lover boy?
00:18:19I've come to see Gemma.
00:18:21Oh, she's not here.
00:18:22She's at our holiday cottage.
00:18:25You've got a holiday cottage?
00:18:26Yes.
00:18:27Well, kind of.
00:18:28Anyway, she'll be back in a few hours.
00:18:35This is well bizarre.
00:18:39Maybe we're ducks, Danis.
00:18:41I think they're a bit more than lookalikes, Flower.
00:18:44So, what are we?
00:18:46Who's your dad?
00:18:49Well, my father is king of a small island under British rule.
00:18:53That's good.
00:18:55Because my mum's the queen of Sheba, love.
00:18:57Is she real, then?
00:19:00Mum, he was born in this country.
00:19:02They had to reside here during the coup.
00:19:06The Isle of Marmold is prone to it, unfortunately.
00:19:09We did try to move back.
00:19:11But ended up right here.
00:19:13So, technically, my father is nothing more than a lord.
00:19:20Well, that sucks.
00:19:22Was your dad a bit of a notary, or...?
00:19:24I beg your pardon?
00:19:26I never met my dad.
00:19:27My mum says they were like ships passing at nine.
00:19:31He might have done it more than a night, would they, you know what I mean, 33 years ago?
00:19:35Well, what's your birthday?
00:19:38April 1st.
00:19:40Mine too.
00:19:44But I'm 39.
00:19:47Fine, all right.
00:19:49I'm 39.
00:19:52We're obviously twins.
00:19:53Everything matches.
00:19:54Well, how are we going to find out?
00:19:56Hang on.
00:20:01Where are you?
00:20:02I've got a question for you, Mum.
00:20:04All right, let's be out.
00:20:06Was my old man a king or the lord?
00:20:09What are you talking about?
00:20:11Are you taking the mix?
00:20:13No, do you reckon he was?
00:20:15He were barely a court, just a love.
00:20:18Well, I don't suppose you had two kids and gave one away.
00:20:23Have you been drinking again?
00:20:37I mean, it's impossible.
00:20:39My mother gave birth to me.
00:20:41Well, it's a mystery.
00:20:45Hold on.
00:20:48You're kidding me.
00:20:50What?
00:20:51I'm just dreaming.
00:20:52Wait.
00:20:54Hold on, I'm like.
00:20:57You're not dreaming.
00:20:59It's real.
00:21:00Look, I'm going to have to go soon.
00:21:03Why?
00:21:04Yeah, I've got to get back on the grind.
00:21:06I can't sit here with you all day, being a princess.
00:21:10Well, it's not all it's cracked up to be.
00:21:13I can assure you.
00:21:15Yeah, well, try being me.
00:21:17Trying to scrape by with a boring boyfriend, who I'm pretty sure can't stand me right now.
00:21:23Let alone me mother.
00:21:25Christ!
00:21:26She's not nice.
00:21:28No.
00:21:30I wouldn't say that, but she's just complicated.
00:21:34She must be doing all right, though.
00:21:37She has a second property.
00:21:39So what's so bad about your life, princess?
00:21:44Well, I'm expected to act a certain way.
00:21:48I'm object a certain image, and, well, I just don't feel true to myself.
00:21:55I have to have dinners with nords, and ladies, politicians, kings, and queens sometimes.
00:22:03I mean, I even used to date William before we met Kate.
00:22:07Seriously?
00:22:09Yes.
00:22:11It's just such an effort having to dress up all the time and be so demure.
00:22:28Well, we went to a gala a few weeks ago, and there was a lady playing the piano.
00:22:35I've been learning the piano for years, and I stopped to listen to her.
00:22:44Well, my mother wouldn't let me.
00:22:48She said she was nearly the hired help.
00:22:50I just didn't understand why they made me learn to play if I wasn't ever able to.
00:23:01I felt so trapped.
00:23:05And she just looked so free.
00:23:08Well, I can tell you being the hired help,
00:23:10ain't what it's cracked up to be.
00:23:14I'd love to feel important,
00:23:17you know, be the senator of attention.
00:23:21I have an idea.
00:23:24What?
00:23:27Why don't we swap places for a week?
00:23:30You're having a laugh, aren't you?
00:23:33No, I'm being serious.
00:23:35A week?
00:23:39Why not?
00:23:40We're identical.
00:23:42We just need to go over everything that we need to know.
00:23:50Booker it.
00:23:51Mine out.
00:23:53You're serious, that's too.
00:23:56So let's go over everything.
00:23:57Well, no, it's just keep going.
00:24:07Next week.
00:24:08Love to us.
00:24:09Bye.
00:24:09Bye.
00:24:09Bye.
00:24:19Bye.
00:24:37Sorry, I know it's late.
00:24:41How are you getting on?
00:24:43Getting there.
00:24:46I have an idea.
00:24:48Keep me with it.
00:24:50Well, I know a photographer and I can get access to his studio in the morning so he could go
00:24:56through the physical side of it all.
00:24:58What do you mean?
00:25:02Well, you walk like a member of Oasis. No offence.
00:25:07None taken.
00:25:09I need to teach you how to walk, talk and eat like a princess.
00:25:12What next? Poop like a princess?
00:25:16How vulgar.
00:25:18I've got my work cut out for me.
00:25:20Sorry.
00:25:22You get some sleep now.
00:25:24I've got to start early before my family arrives.
00:25:29I want to talk like a princess.
00:25:36I want to walk like a princess.
00:25:42I want to dress to impress like a princess.
00:25:51But I'm not going to be your princess.
00:25:57I'm going to be my own princess.
00:26:10I'm going to be my own princess.
00:26:16I am going to be my own princess.
00:26:24I am going to be my own princess.
00:26:41I am going to be my own princess.
00:26:47I am going to be my own princess.
00:26:50I am.
00:27:03It's how I am.
00:27:05You want to know where I am?
00:27:07You want to do this?
00:27:10Sure.
00:27:12Yeah.
00:27:13Yeah.
00:27:15I'll get Connie to pick you up from here.
00:27:17And I'll get a new Uber to take to me, darling.
00:27:24Well, don't...
00:27:25I don't know if there's a new Uber and it doesn't...
00:27:27No, I didn't get that.
00:27:30We're going to have to swap clothes, too.
00:27:34Oh, this is really comfy.
00:27:38Well, you need to do something.
00:27:39Straighten up, shoulders back.
00:27:45You know, good luck.
00:27:47He'll get a taxi to pick you up and drop you off at mine.
00:27:49It's just opposite the flower shop.
00:27:54You're nervous.
00:27:55Well, I'd say it don't, but my mum can be a bit scarier sometimes.
00:28:12Good morning.
00:28:13You all right?
00:28:16Nice.
00:28:17Your family's waiting for you at the holiday, Cartier.
00:28:21Spiffing.
00:28:22One's high tea.
00:28:24High tea?
00:28:25Yeah, like cucumber sandwiches and...
00:28:27All that.
00:28:30All that?
00:28:33Are you praying with me?
00:28:35What?
00:28:37Yeah, um, you got me.
00:28:41After you, Your Own Highness.
00:28:46Yes.
00:29:03I do...
00:29:04Could do.
00:29:06A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A.
00:29:10You have a book.
00:29:14What about yet?
00:29:16Bloody old Jenna.
00:29:18Oh, little.
00:29:19Oh, little.
00:29:19I saw you yesterday.
00:29:20You'd been on the extra and siders last night.
00:29:24We've been here.
00:29:26Well, then.
00:29:28Oh.
00:29:29Look.
00:29:36Well, well, well, well.
00:29:38The Princess returns.
00:29:40Her Majesty has deigned to share her presence.
00:29:44Excuse me.
00:29:47I don't know what you're talking about.
00:29:49So, look.
00:29:51Was Gemma with you last night?
00:29:53No, I thought she was back here.
00:29:59Well, um, I just fancied a night out.
00:30:04I mean, is that a crime?
00:30:06Do what you like.
00:30:08I had to entertain your dopey boyfriend.
00:30:13Oh, Miles, for God's sake.
00:30:16Bloody old lad.
00:30:17It's like looking in a butcher's window.
00:30:18Cover yourself up.
00:30:19James, can we have a chat later?
00:30:23Yeah.
00:30:53Oh, Connie.
00:30:55Oh, thank God.
00:30:56Were they stuck here without any help for an hour?
00:30:59It's been frightful.
00:31:01We're dying for a cup of tea.
00:31:02I have no idea how the contraption works.
00:31:05The thing.
00:31:06You mean the kettle.
00:31:09Or that.
00:31:10Don't worry, Your Majesty.
00:31:12I'll make the tea.
00:31:14Is Diana here yet?
00:31:16She's, er, outside in the courtyard.
00:31:19Oh, God.
00:31:21Right.
00:31:23Oh, what's the matter, Your Majesty?
00:31:25Since when did you call Father now, Your Majesty and Lady?
00:31:29I'm sorry, Mother.
00:31:32Did Nancy do your make-up?
00:31:35It's too much.
00:31:36You look like one of those American princesses.
00:31:39I did my make-up.
00:31:41Well, it looks like you've used a spray can, darling.
00:31:44Have your sister do it.
00:31:46Nancy has the week off.
00:31:48Diana?
00:31:49Diana?
00:31:49Yes, Diana.
00:31:51Go on.
00:31:52Shoo, shoo.
00:31:57Hey, sis.
00:32:01You've never called me sis before.
00:32:04Um, heavens, who did your make-up?
00:32:07A mortician?
00:32:09Um, Mother's asked you to help me.
00:32:13Fine.
00:32:26Oh, it's great.
00:32:28Don't make habit of it.
00:32:31Thank you, Diana.
00:32:33I don't think you've thanked me for anything.
00:32:36Oh.
00:32:39Sorry.
00:32:41And you've never apologised, either.
00:32:43Did you get a visit from three ghosts last night?
00:32:46Did they know they're too late for Christmas?
00:32:51So, what do you think about the Holiday Cottage?
00:32:54I don't know what possessed you to book this, when we could have gone to Uncle Giles' chateau in Monaco.
00:33:01I think it's nice to switch things up a little.
00:33:04You're odd today, Carinthia.
00:33:06Very, very odd.
00:33:08I'm just happy to see you.
00:33:10Ew.
00:33:11Look, just pick out a nice dress.
00:33:14Daddy's been invited to Lord Withnail's latest gathering.
00:33:16Where to make our token appearances.
00:33:20Is it going to be part?
00:33:23Lords, dignitaries, royalty.
00:33:26Not much at all, darling.
00:33:29Did you bang your head?
00:33:51All right, love.
00:33:52Post-pip, by the way.
00:34:21Oh, my God.
00:34:22This is an open bar, is it not?
00:34:28The bar is paid for, yes.
00:34:33Drink, Connie?
00:34:36I can't, I'm working.
00:34:39I think you just need to relax.
00:34:42You look a little uptight.
00:34:50Come on, let's go out.
00:34:58Better get off soon, clubbering someone's shift.
00:35:03I really want to go clubbing tonight instead.
00:35:05Oh, I don't, yeah.
00:35:08Because if I don't work, I don't get paid.
00:35:10Don't get paid, can't pay me bill.
00:35:12Well, on and on it goes.
00:35:13Right?
00:35:14You can't just ask for some money off your parents.
00:35:17My tail bird, Daddy.
00:35:19If you're a loob buried somewhere,
00:35:21I wouldn't tell me where it was.
00:35:23Mum's more broke than me.
00:35:28How long have we known each other now?
00:35:31Blimey.
00:35:33What were we?
00:35:35Ball, pies, back in primary school.
00:35:38A lifetime of shenanigans ever since.
00:35:45Did I ever tell you about me, Dad?
00:35:47Only that your mum didn't know who it was.
00:35:50She thinks she's lying about that.
00:35:54Honestly, I never know where your mum are.
00:35:56What, she's a lover.
00:36:00She got ready for miles.
00:36:03Yeah.
00:36:04Look, if you're going to dump him,
00:36:07let him down gently.
00:36:08All right?
00:36:10He's a nice guy.
00:36:12Why was she...
00:36:13I mean, why would I dump him?
00:36:14Don't know about Harmony Grant.
00:36:15Do you remember her?
00:36:16Or Daphne Breen?
00:36:17Daphne?
00:36:18Oh, never mind.
00:36:20Go easy on him.
00:36:22All right?
00:36:24Yeah, OK.
00:36:26Do you know the way to Nashall?
00:36:28That's where we've got a meeting.
00:36:29You don't remember?
00:36:31Well, not exactly, no.
00:36:32Throw her cab with me.
00:36:33We'll dump you off on the way, sweet.
00:36:56Answer, Carinthia.
00:36:58I've never seen you act like that before.
00:37:10What were you drinking?
00:37:13Not beer, was it?
00:37:15It was bitter, Papa.
00:37:18A princess does not drink bitter, beer, lager,
00:37:24or anything you might find in a public house.
00:37:28Unless it's high-cast spirits,
00:37:30like champagne.
00:37:33And good champagne at that.
00:37:35Can I not drink cider?
00:37:38What?
00:37:39It was a genuine question.
00:37:41Listen, Carinthia.
00:37:42You need to start to improve your behaviour.
00:37:44We have our reputation to uphold.
00:37:50Chote some decorum.
00:37:52Not a bad thing.
00:37:59Well, that went surprisingly well.
00:38:05Anyway, what's a decorum?
00:38:09It's like pitty kids.
00:38:12You took classes in it.
00:38:16Oh.
00:38:24You've upset your father, young lady.
00:38:27I'm 39, you're mad.
00:38:29Well, though.
00:38:31Well, perhaps you should act like it.
00:38:33Now, we have something important for you to do next week.
00:38:36Father has some friends in Switzerland.
00:38:38Very upper crust.
00:38:40He's told them you spent two years at RADA
00:38:43and performed plays across Europe.
00:38:45Why'd you tell them that?
00:38:48Because you did, Carinthia.
00:38:51So, we'd like you to do a short performance for them.
00:38:55We've booked a rehearsal space in two days.
00:38:58We'll let you know what place is when we decide.
00:39:01But you know them all off by heart, anyway.
00:39:05Gee.
00:39:07Thanks.
00:39:09Stick to her like glue.
00:39:11Make sure she's focused.
00:39:12And no more foolishness.
00:39:14Okay, Connie?
00:39:17Yes, Your Majesty.
00:39:32Wiles?
00:39:35Hello?
00:39:37Are you here?
00:39:41Miles?
00:39:45Miles?
00:39:48Miles?
00:39:50Miles?
00:41:45I'm genuinely stunned.
00:41:48It was nothing.
00:41:50Why didn't you say you could play music?
00:41:52I mean, I know you went to acting school, but music?
00:41:56You should have said.
00:41:59People like me don't get to show off, really.
00:42:02Besides, one cares.
00:42:06I care.
00:42:07I love music.
00:42:09You do?
00:42:12You know I do.
00:42:13I used to play when I was younger.
00:42:16Well, no one here is good as that.
00:42:18That was brilliant.
00:42:29It's not a bad place to work, is it?
00:42:34What do you do?
00:42:38I told you about this last time I was here.
00:42:41You're in your own pub sometimes, I sort of.
00:42:44I'm the maintenance guy, so I make sure the stage mechanics and the sound are tipped up.
00:42:51How marvelous.
00:43:00I need to lock up now, okay?
00:43:01So why don't we go for a walk and go to the pub, have a game of darts?
00:43:08Yeah, let's have a game of darts and a few drinks.
00:43:11Um, why don't we go on a walk?
00:43:16I mean, it's a lovely day out and, uh, do you know any good viewpoints?
00:43:25Sure, yeah.
00:43:26And maybe we can have a chat about things.
00:43:36You sure it's that dodgy?
00:43:38Would I do anything dodgy?
00:43:41Yeah, why'd you get him?
00:43:43A random line at, uh, a jewelers I do some cleaning at.
00:43:47They were just going to throw it out, don't we?
00:43:49Ow!
00:43:50Not a cabbage trace.
00:43:52It's a story.
00:43:56Hey, what's it up in here?
00:43:59These are some diamonds.
00:44:01Of course, I'll give them a cut once we've sold it.
00:44:04What I need you to do is to pass it off on a couple of pawn shops in town.
00:44:09Why can't you do it?
00:44:11You know I would.
00:44:12But I've heard my knee.
00:44:13And technically, I'm on disability benefits,
00:44:17so, uh, they can't sit me rushing up and downtown.
00:44:20You know, between pawn shops.
00:44:23Hmm.
00:44:23Think about it.
00:44:25I don't think too long, love.
00:44:36Oh, careful.
00:44:38You all right?
00:44:40Yeah.
00:44:43You know,
00:44:45it's so beautiful out here.
00:44:47It's so peaceful.
00:44:50Yeah, I know.
00:44:51It's...
00:44:52It's...
00:44:53Well, I've come up here quite a lot, you know,
00:44:54to clear my head and...
00:44:57Yeah, I can see why.
00:45:00Really?
00:45:01Well, this...
00:45:02This isn't your cup of tea, James.
00:45:04Right?
00:45:05You...
00:45:05You never really wanted to do this, though?
00:45:07More for me, innit?
00:45:11Yeah, I suppose.
00:45:16Are you cold?
00:45:18Yeah, it's chillier than I thought.
00:45:22Come here.
00:45:26This isn't normal.
00:45:28Really?
00:45:29Yeah.
00:45:31But right now, normally it's a Huggins woke
00:45:35and whack your ass off.
00:45:41What did you need to tell me?
00:45:49Do you think we're good together?
00:45:51What do you mean?
00:45:53I don't know.
00:45:54Sometimes I feel like you're not really that into me.
00:45:58No, I'm sorry.
00:46:00Sometimes I just get caught up in myself.
00:46:02Look.
00:46:05You're really warm-hearted
00:46:06and you're wonderful.
00:46:08I mean,
00:46:08that's a bit forward of me to say.
00:46:12Not really, James.
00:46:13Like, we have been going out for a year now.
00:46:22Come on.
00:46:24Shall we get you home?
00:46:50Something will matter.
00:46:52You won't care, sister.
00:46:54You never do.
00:46:55Of course I do.
00:46:57Shouldn't you be offering a grovelling apology
00:46:59to Mumsy and Dadsy?
00:47:01Dadsy already gave me a rollicking.
00:47:04Rollicking?
00:47:05Yeah, you know what I mean.
00:47:09You must say,
00:47:10I found it rather amusing.
00:47:16Okay, sis.
00:47:19What's his name?
00:47:20What's he doing?
00:47:22How on earth do you know?
00:47:26I know that look.
00:47:28Come on then, Maradie Bomb.
00:47:32It's Nathaniel.
00:47:35He's up to his old tricks again.
00:47:37Father is insistent
00:47:39that he's going to make
00:47:39an excellent husband,
00:47:41but he's only considering
00:47:43Nathaniel's family
00:47:44and their standing.
00:47:46As for Nathaniel himself.
00:47:49So there's more on there.
00:47:52Yes, I suppose so.
00:47:58He might have been born with wealth,
00:48:00but not so much of a brain.
00:48:05What is Nathaniel done?
00:48:09I can't keep his hands off the maids.
00:48:13His father's had to fire
00:48:15several of the house staff
00:48:16for fraternising with Nathaniel
00:48:17after dark.
00:48:19Oh, so he can't be trusted.
00:48:22God, it's ridiculous.
00:48:24These men in high society
00:48:25are almost expected
00:48:26to behave like this
00:48:27and suffer no consequences.
00:48:30Mm-hmm.
00:48:30Oh.
00:48:31You should suffer consequences,
00:48:33like a swift knee
00:48:34to the family jewels.
00:48:35Sister,
00:48:38perhaps you're right.
00:48:41Besides,
00:48:43those 12 months
00:48:44studying judo
00:48:45under Grand Master Takashi
00:48:46that father paid for,
00:48:48I suppose I could put them
00:48:49to good griefs.
00:48:55Wasn't for you two.
00:48:59Don't settle for second best.
00:49:03Always follow your heart.
00:49:06I mean,
00:49:07you might not always be right,
00:49:10but it'd be your bad.
00:49:13And not father's judgment.
00:49:18I suppose I should get ready
00:49:19to face him.
00:49:21I'm going to Nathaniel's family manor
00:49:22tonight with Mumsy and Dadsy.
00:49:29Forget the bit about
00:49:30the knee to the spuds.
00:49:35Just be firm
00:49:36and honest.
00:49:42Ooh.
00:49:49Mm.
00:50:02Mm.
00:50:03A cup of tea?
00:50:06I'm sure.
00:50:09I'm not so surprised.
00:50:12You've never made a cup of tea before.
00:50:15You usually ask me.
00:50:17Well, I can assure you that I make a grape.
00:50:21So sit down. Your lights take away off.
00:50:27You seem very different.
00:50:48I'm impressed.
00:50:51It's only a cup of tea, Connie.
00:50:56Anyway, I've been an agony aunt all day.
00:50:59So if you want to chat, go away.
00:51:02Me?
00:51:03Chat?
00:51:05About what?
00:51:10Your love life?
00:51:13My love life?
00:51:15Good God!
00:51:17If you want to talk about disasters, let's talk about, I don't know, Pompeii or Titanic.
00:51:25So there's no man in your life?
00:51:28No.
00:51:29No man?
00:51:31No woman either.
00:51:35The truth is, working for a family of royals takes all my time.
00:51:41Don't get me wrong.
00:51:43Don't get me wrong.
00:51:43I do love it.
00:51:44But it takes all my time.
00:51:47And I am on call 24-7.
00:51:50Well, we need to set some boundaries and some terms.
00:51:54What?
00:51:54You know, workers' rights and all that.
00:51:59You, of all people, are saying that?
00:52:07Anyway, this tea looks like it needs biscuits.
00:52:13And I know you work with the royals and probably love a rich tea.
00:52:18But I prefer Anglestick Creek.
00:52:21Me too!
00:52:23Do you know what?
00:52:25I've got some upstairs in my suitcase.
00:52:29My guilty pleasure.
00:52:31Go grab them then.
00:52:43Yeah, I've got my daughter's mate to do it.
00:52:46She's going to do the one for me.
00:52:48It's a bit silly, but I reckon there's a fair few grand there.
00:52:53How do you think I've got it?
00:52:56Five-finger discount, mate.
00:52:59Oh, yeah.
00:53:00You'd be surprised at what I've stolen.
00:53:16What she's told you to do, don't do it.
00:53:18Why not?
00:53:19Well, I think she's doing something unlawful.
00:53:21Shock of her.
00:53:23So what?
00:53:24You can't take the risk for someone else.
00:53:27Lighten up, gems.
00:53:29You're getting well uptight lately.
00:53:32Come on.
00:53:33Let's have a rave.
00:53:43Come on!
00:53:45Come on!
00:53:45Come on!
00:53:46Come on!
00:53:46Come on!
00:53:47Come on!
00:53:48Come on!
00:53:51Come on!
00:53:53Come on!
00:53:59That's more lightweight!
00:54:02Thank you!
00:54:02Oh, my God.
00:54:43This is, this is much nicer.
00:54:51It is, actually.
00:55:21Why say, what are you two girls doing?
00:55:27We were just dancing, Your Majesty.
00:55:30Dancing? Why?
00:55:31Um, I was teaching her how to dance.
00:55:35If I had a reason for Carina to dance, we would have hired a teacher from the Royal London
00:55:42School of Ballet to teach her.
00:55:46You tried that once, Ralph.
00:55:48She has no rhythm, like Bambi on ice.
00:55:51Oh, yes, yes.
00:55:53Of course.
00:55:55A word, Connie.
00:56:05I think you need to start to focus a bit.
00:56:15We've got a busy year ahead.
00:56:18It's very important that everybody is on the ball.
00:56:21You have a reputation, too.
00:56:24Right, you are, Kingy.
00:56:26Kingy.
00:56:27Kingy.
00:56:28Sorry for that.
00:56:31Prepare for the performance to the theatre.
00:56:34I want to see your midsummer night's dream.
00:56:38Oh, Macbeth.
00:56:41Perhaps, Hamlet.
00:56:43What?
00:56:45Prepare yourself.
00:56:47You will do a pre-run the day after tomorrow.
00:56:51And then, next week, you'll perform in Switzerland.
00:56:58This is bad.
00:57:00I mean, I haven't acted in years in Shakespeare.
00:57:04It's so old.
00:57:06He's dead in me.
00:57:10I should hope so.
00:57:19To be or not to be.
00:57:27It's just too much for me.
00:57:31I'm not what you want me to be.
00:57:34To be or not to be.
00:58:02To be or not to be.
00:58:08To be or not to be.
00:58:16To be or not to be.
00:58:18It's just too much for me.
00:58:23I'm not what you want me to be.
00:58:42You all right?
00:58:43Are you finished with the day?
00:58:46Yeah, no, we need to get off now because there's a booking, but I need to meet PA.
00:58:52Oh, yeah, yeah, um, I'll stay out of your way.
00:58:57And then we can go to the park.
00:59:15I...
00:59:16I wonder if it's Miss Brinton.
00:59:18Yes, I think it's OK.
00:59:21Yeah, um, the lights are on, the theatre's yours, the caretaker will be back later to lock up when you're
00:59:26done.
00:59:26I mean, I just need to go back inside to pack some stuff away and then I'll be gone.
00:59:34This is King Ralph, Queen Christine and their daughter, Princess Diana, the Isle of Marwood.
00:59:43Um, it's... it's a real honour to meet you.
00:59:46I'm so sorry about my squirtly parents.
00:59:49Oh, not at all, you've copped them working very hard.
00:59:51I do my best.
00:59:54Can you show us to the theatre?
00:59:58Where's Carinthia?
00:59:59Doing warm-up exercise, apparently.
01:00:03Ah, this way.
01:00:09Right, you get ready and then head over to the maze sage.
01:00:14Do you want me to tell you where it is?
01:00:16I know where it is.
01:00:17Oh.
01:00:20Well, good luck then.
01:00:28Sorry, I... I thought...
01:00:35Honey!
01:00:37Honey!
01:00:38Honey!
01:00:40Honey!
01:00:43Honey!
01:00:48Honey!
01:00:49Honey!
01:00:50Honey!
01:01:04Honey!
01:01:04Honey!
01:01:05Honey!
01:01:06Honey!
01:01:06Honey!
01:01:08Honey!
01:01:09Honey!
01:01:13Honey!
01:01:13Honey!
01:01:14Honey!
01:01:14What's the matter with you?
01:01:17You've been through Summer Night's Dream a hundred times.
01:01:21I'm so stressed. I've got so much going on.
01:01:24I just can't remember anything.
01:01:27Can you remember anything?
01:01:33The passage from what you read me a little bit, Julia.
01:01:38I need you to be my own king.
01:01:40Time, friend.
01:01:54Romeo.
01:01:57Romeo.
01:02:01Please pull out.
01:02:04I bring you.
01:02:07Can I, pal,
01:02:11will not
01:02:12but be sworn by love
01:02:19can I no longer be a cabinet?
01:02:32What did I do?
01:02:47Are you okay, your majesty?
01:02:50It's silly, really.
01:02:52I, I just have bittersweet memories of that play.
01:02:56I was watching a performance of Romeo and Juliet when my water broke.
01:03:01Well, not very real behaviour on my part.
01:03:04I'll be back out in a second.
01:03:06I didn't.
01:03:11Is she again?
01:03:13Yes.
01:03:14Oh, she'll be back soon.
01:03:17I think we'll call it a dance performance.
01:03:20It was okay.
01:03:21It was okay.
01:03:21I liked it, Quincy.
01:03:24But, I think we were doing better off with one of the other plays.
01:03:29Mother wasn't the fun.
01:03:31Well, I think it was a play she was watching while she was in labour.
01:03:38Oh, dear.
01:03:41Oh, dear.
01:03:43Oh, my darling child.
01:03:45My little Juliet.
01:03:48I do wonder where you are.
01:03:59Mother, are you okay?
01:04:02I was around my darling.
01:04:03I was being silly.
01:04:07Did you change our day?
01:04:08Did you change our day?
01:04:10I'm just going for you.
01:04:15Who's doing anything?
01:04:17Oh, I doubt not.
01:04:19We can join you there.
01:04:20Oh, my God.
01:04:34You're not around your heart.
01:04:35What?
01:04:37Oh, about you.
01:04:43Oh, my God.
01:04:44Oh, my God.
01:04:50Well, that's what Stacey said. Your mother's our cellmate.
01:04:54That's impossible.
01:04:55Is it, Jenna?
01:04:57We're twins.
01:04:59I mean, I know she messed up,
01:05:02but I just can't imagine her stealing a baby.
01:05:13Only me.
01:05:15Sorry, His Majesty wants his golf cardigan.
01:05:18And we simply can't play without it, apparently.
01:05:22Who'd have thought that jumper would have been so important, eh?
01:05:35Oh, my.
01:05:51Oh!
01:05:53Oh!
01:06:07Oh, are you okay, Connie?
01:06:10Karen's here?
01:06:12Yeah, it's me.
01:06:20Gemma.
01:06:26Ah, so was you this past week.
01:06:32I knew something was different.
01:06:36You're the bitter drinker.
01:06:39Bitter?
01:06:41That's not important.
01:06:50I'll let Gemma explain.
01:06:52It's all got rather complicated.
01:06:54This had better be good.
01:07:00Me devious mother sublet at this place.
01:07:02We don't even know, isn't it?
01:07:04I met Corinthia when you checked in.
01:07:07I mean, it was obvious we were related, and we just wanted to know the truth.
01:07:12But you swapped places.
01:07:15Kill me, I'll say.
01:07:17She was tired of her life, and...
01:07:20Well, I just wanted to know what it felt like to be a princess for a while.
01:07:25I mean, we knew deep down it had something to do with my mum, if I can even call her
01:07:32that.
01:07:35But what did she do?
01:07:37Well, it turns out she stole her baby when she was in prison, on the basis of the mother didn't
01:07:44need to.
01:07:45That's awful.
01:07:46Yeah, and the king and queen kept it quiet.
01:07:51Well, I never heard anything about it.
01:07:54I can assure you.
01:07:56Yeah, but we need proof.
01:07:59We need to get evidence off my mum.
01:08:02You have to tell the king and queen.
01:08:04We need to sort my mum Tracy out for this.
01:08:09And then we'll tell the king.
01:08:10I kept wondering why your voice was different.
01:08:20Look, this is the real me.
01:08:23I'm just a gobby Yorkshire lass.
01:08:29I quite like it.
01:08:33I don't know what this means between us, then.
01:08:42I like it.
01:08:46I really like it.
01:08:50Oh.
01:08:52Well.
01:09:15This will take some explaining to do.
01:09:18To my employers.
01:09:41Juliette.
01:09:42What are you doing in my room?
01:09:45How could you?
01:09:47What?
01:09:48That's nothing.
01:09:49Why did you lie to me, Tracy?
01:09:52How did you find out?
01:09:55Well, it turns out...
01:09:57I met my twin sister, the bona fide princess,
01:10:00when my real family checked into the holiday cottage.
01:10:03Royals.
01:10:04I knew they were rich, but royals.
01:10:08I've got an idea.
01:10:09You're coming with me to the cottage.
01:10:11I'm not.
01:10:11We're going to the police.
01:10:13Oh, don't test me.
01:10:16After all, you're not my daughter, are you?
01:10:20Now, come on!
01:10:22Good ass name!
01:10:27Pussed creams?
01:10:29Are you sure?
01:10:33Live a little.
01:10:38There's no other way to say it, no more than a daddy.
01:10:41You've not brought Shane on the phone to help you.
01:10:45No.
01:10:47But...
01:10:49I have a confession to make.
01:10:52Over the past week, it hasn't been me.
01:10:56Say, girl.
01:10:57You were here this morning, Nick.
01:10:59It wasn't me.
01:11:01She might have started her experimental phase, darling.
01:11:06What have you taken, Carinthia?
01:11:10I'm not high.
01:11:14Let me shed some light.
01:11:17It couldn't be.
01:11:19My Juliet.
01:11:20It must be you.
01:11:22Not so fast, Queenie.
01:11:24Stay there.
01:11:26Who are you?
01:11:27I'm her mother.
01:11:29You're not.
01:11:30I raise you, you ungrateful cow.
01:11:33Oi, you.
01:11:35Here.
01:11:37You are Princess.
01:11:38Sit down.
01:11:40What in heaven is happening, Mummy?
01:11:53Get me the police.
01:11:55Now.
01:11:57You're taking this terrible arm, Jasey.
01:12:00Stop it.
01:12:00We're too late.
01:12:01I ain't going anywhere without some royal treasure.
01:12:04Oh, sure.
01:12:05We've got the Crown Jewels in our suitcase.
01:12:07Don't try and fool me, King Moron.
01:12:09Well, you wouldn't go anywhere without thousands of quid's worth of valuables on you.
01:12:14I bet Queenie doesn't leave the house without some diamonds on her person.
01:12:18So hand it over.
01:12:19This family reunion is going to be short-lived.
01:12:23I've got time.
01:12:25Treasure.
01:12:26Jewels.
01:12:27Valuables.
01:12:28Now.
01:12:29I have nothing.
01:12:30Oh, come on.
01:12:32Otherwise, Gemma or Juliet or whatever her bleeding name is, now she's going to get it.
01:12:37What's about a bank transfer?
01:12:40I have no idea.
01:12:42I like you, Princess.
01:12:43I want a million quid.
01:12:45Now.
01:12:49For God's sakes, Daddy, just let me.
01:12:52Hey, hey.
01:12:52It'll be quicker if I do it.
01:12:54Fine.
01:12:55Get on with it.
01:12:58What's in your account number?
01:13:18Good thing we had that year learning from Grandmaster Takashi, hey?
01:13:30We're arresting you on suspicion of theft, handling and distribution of stolen goods, blackmail,
01:13:35kidnapping, attempted assault, attempted murder, and let's see what else.
01:13:41Fraud.
01:13:41Yeah, fraud.
01:13:43You didn't have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you fail to mention one
01:13:47question and you think that you'll later rely on in court.
01:13:50I treated you all right, didn't I?
01:13:52We had some good times, didn't we?
01:13:58What possessed you to switch places with your sister?
01:14:03I just needed a break, Daddy.
01:14:06We can't keep living by all these rules and restrictions.
01:14:09It's almost like you don't trust us to live the lives we've always wished without being
01:14:14able to hold the family name.
01:14:16I'm sorry, Queen, dear.
01:14:19I'm sorry I put so much pressure on you and I.
01:14:22My father did the same with us.
01:14:27It's heavy ways to crown.
01:14:31But we have to evolve with the times.
01:14:34I mean, some of the traditions are just so archaic.
01:14:37I have to fly to Switzerland next week and I'll form Shakespeare.
01:14:41Listen, Queen, dear, really, you don't have to go.
01:14:46No, Daddy, I'll go.
01:14:49But I have a better idea.
01:14:52His lordship, he loves Chopin, right?
01:14:56Yes.
01:14:59Well, maybe...
01:15:01I could play the piano for him instead.
01:15:06Okay.
01:15:07Okay.
01:15:10I knew something didn't make sense this last week.
01:15:13Winfrey was rarely that nice to me.
01:15:15I think perhaps this family all need to be a bit more open and respectful with each other.
01:15:20So, what should we call you now, sis?
01:15:23Gemma or Juliet?
01:15:25Well, I'll make us all a brew and then I'll just decide.
01:15:28I mean, I like Gemma, but I really like Juliet.
01:15:32And I guess, I know why not, I mean, we've got something to tell you all.
01:16:01I mean, I like that, but I mean, I like that, but I mean, I like that, but I like
01:16:09that.
01:16:35I told you
01:16:37I'm not Jen
01:16:41Not this again
01:16:48She's telling the truth of me, Ed
01:16:54What?
01:16:56I...
01:16:59Miles, for the past week
01:17:03I've seen you head over here in love with him
01:17:07Gems, I didn't know anything about this
01:17:10I'm sorry
01:17:11Yet and all
01:17:14But go on, big boy
01:17:15You haven't been blessing
01:17:21The question is
01:17:24Does your previous officers stand?
01:17:35Well
01:17:37Funnily enough
01:17:39I kept it on me just in case
01:17:46I don't know
01:17:49She's
01:17:50I don't know
01:18:10She's
01:18:11She's
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