- 13 hours ago
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FunTranscript
00:01Oh, you could fry an egg on my forehead.
00:04If you're getting up, would you get me another lemonade?
00:14Ready?
00:19Stevie's house has air conditioning.
00:21Let's get some more.
00:25Yes, no, maybe.
00:28I don't know.
00:31Can you repeat the question?
00:34You're not the boss of me now.
00:36You're not the boss of me now.
00:38You're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big.
00:43You're not the boss of me now.
00:45You're not the boss of me now.
00:48You're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big.
00:53Life is unfair.
01:02We're not renting the fanciest place on the big island, but, you know, I at least have a place to
01:06work on my cliff diving.
01:07Wow.
01:09We're actually sharing a houseboat with Stevie's family on a man-made lake by the power plant.
01:13I don't want to meet the girl that would impress.
01:17Do not touch!
01:19Do not!
01:22Hal, let me see your bathing suit.
01:24No, all these ones you picked out are too big and baggy.
01:26Baggy is good. It's less surface area I have to shave.
01:29I like the little ones.
01:30No, Hal, you always pop out of the little ones.
01:33I do not pop out. That was one time.
01:35Hal, the Cunarbons are conservative people. We're going to be in very close quarters with them. Now you get the
01:40baggy ones.
01:41Let me just show you something.
01:43It better not be that suit in the egg.
01:45Don't say anything until you see it.
01:47Watch out!
01:50Dewey.
01:55Can I see that spear gun?
01:58Sure.
02:07Now don't tell me this doesn't do something for you.
02:11Oh!
02:12Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife.
02:15My wife has the exact same shape.
02:25So, maybe when I get back, uh, you know, if you wanted, maybe I can give you a call.
02:31Maybe.
02:35Whoa, look at that guy.
02:40Do you know him?
02:42Who, that in my case?
02:43Of course not.
02:44Do you want to help me choose a surfboard?
02:47Okay.
02:48Malcolm!
02:49Oh, for the love of...
02:52Excuse me.
02:55Oh!
02:56God, it's not me!
02:57It's the suit!
02:58I am a normal person!
03:00I'm here with my family.
03:01My son is right over the...
03:02Malcolm!
03:02No, no, no, no, no.
03:04I know how this looks, but I'm telling you it's...
03:06Malcolm!
03:08Wait, no, no, no.
03:09This is a complete misunderstanding.
03:15Dude, where were you?
03:17If Spangler finds out you blew off drill practice, he's gonna kill you.
03:19I'm not afraid of Spangler anymore.
03:22Why aren't you in uniform?
03:24I'm leaving.
03:25I'm out of here.
03:29You can't just leave.
03:31Yes, I can.
03:32I just turned 18.
03:34I'm legally an adult, and no one can tell me what to do.
03:37I'm getting the hell out of here.
03:38Wait, you're not gonna graduate?
03:39Nope.
03:40I'm going to Alaska.
03:42Francis, it's crazy up there.
03:44You can make $45 an hour working on oil rigs or logging camps,
03:49and you don't even need a diploma.
03:52Wait, $45 an hour?
03:54That's with room and board.
03:57You work a couple of years, and you're set for life.
04:04Something to remember me by.
04:10Do you realize how close your father came to being a registered sex offender?
04:16A registered sex offender!
04:19And for what?
04:20For some trampy girl?
04:21For...
04:22Mom, please!
04:23I feel terrible!
04:24I completely understand what I did.
04:26I sold out my own father for a girl.
04:28It's like the worst thing I've ever done.
04:30We both agree I'm a terrible person.
04:33For some girl you don't even know!
04:35Who wouldn't give you the time of day?
04:37That's the gratitude you showed your father!
04:39Hey, maybe I'm the good one after all.
04:41Here, Mom.
04:42For your throat.
04:43I put a little honey in it.
04:45That man...
04:45It's one vacation a year, and this is how you start it!
04:49You go and make it right!
04:53Hello!
04:54Dad's probably not that mad at me.
04:56I mean, it's not like I personally shoved him in the squad car, right?
05:04Dad, can I talk to you?
05:05Uh, no.
05:06Not right now.
05:06I'm kind of busy.
05:07Uh, Reese, can you come in here and help me with something?
05:09Oh, sure, Dad.
05:10I'd love to be helpful.
05:12Close the door.
05:17Absolutely not, Frances!
05:18Mom, you're not listening.
05:20I can make $45 an hour.
05:23That's more than your dad makes.
05:24You are going to graduate from high school.
05:28Why spend the tuition?
05:29It's a total waste of money.
05:30We both know I'm bailing.
05:33Okay, now we both know.
05:34Frances, you are going to stay in school until you graduate,
05:38and that's all there is to it.
05:39And if you flunk out,
05:41then it's just another year you're stuck there.
05:43You just can't stand the fact that I'll be making more money than you!
05:56Whoa, that was close.
06:06Oh, look at all this lovely scenery and nature.
06:10This is going to be wonderful.
06:12Dear, did you pack my hat?
06:15Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
06:16You should have asked me to.
06:18No problem.
06:19I'll just create one out of newspaper.
06:21Bye.
06:23Everything okay?
06:24Everything's wonderful.
06:25We're on vacation.
06:28The whole drive up here,
06:29Dad wouldn't even look at me.
06:31I just wish I could take those two minutes back.
06:34That's the king of the seas?
06:38No TV!
06:39There's no TV!
06:41There's no TV!
06:42There's no TV!
06:45There's your TV.
06:47I don't see any TV.
06:49Excuse me.
06:51Okay.
06:54Dad, I'll help you with that.
06:55I don't know.
06:56I've got it.
06:58Dad, please, wait.
07:01Come on, talk to me, please.
07:05Okay, fine.
07:08I wanted to wait until this afternoon, but we're back.
07:12Check this out.
07:14It's a Cavanaugh.
07:17You remember last year,
07:19you saw a picture in a magazine of a father and a son fishing together,
07:22and you said, oh, I'd like to try that sometime.
07:24Yeah?
07:25Yeah, well, I just kept looking at that picture,
07:28and I was thinking about you and me,
07:30and I started putting a little money away,
07:33and, you know, I just...
07:35I got this for you.
07:38Oh, man, you wouldn't believe how hard this week has been.
07:41Every time that I looked at you, I wanted to spill the beans, but...
07:45This is why you wouldn't talk to me?
07:47We'll take the dinghy out, and we'll do some fishing.
07:50Just the two of us.
07:52Great.
07:53See you on board, Skipper.
07:57Hey, I guess you're still the good one.
08:13Do you...
08:14Yes, you do.
08:19Hey, boy, what are you doing?
08:22I don't know.
08:23What are you doing?
08:27Where'd you get the boat?
08:28We stole it from our spirit camp.
08:30We're going to get cigarettes.
08:33Spirit camp?
08:34So you girls are...
08:37Cheerleaders.
08:38Bad.
08:40Cheerleaders.
08:42Yeah, we haven't seen any boys in, like, six weeks.
08:45Even you guys are starting to look good.
08:55Wait, where are you guys going?
08:57Follow us and find out.
09:06Get the boat!
09:11Ready to go fishing, son?
09:13Now?
09:13Sure, we're catching everyone's dinner.
09:17Now, don't you take this personally, all right?
09:19This is a special thing with Malcolm and me, just this one time.
09:24Too bad you can't come with us.
09:26Too bad we're taking the boat.
09:38Oh.
09:39Oh.
09:41Nope.
09:43At least, Reese and Steger are as bored and miserable as I am.
09:50Remember...
09:50to call me...
09:53Snoop!
09:53Belle...
09:53But...
10:02To call me...
10:11Oh!
10:14Oh!
10:22I'm so excited!
10:31Oh, this is great.
10:32You just relax with adults.
10:37Suffocate.
10:39Good for you, Abe.
10:46Cry baby.
10:47I believe that's two words, dear.
10:49Okay, then.
10:51Just be.
10:55Oh, I heard what happened, cadet.
10:58My, my, my.
10:58All that splintered wood and broken glass.
11:01I brought you something.
11:04What's that?
11:05A hammer, cadet.
11:07I expect you to repair the trophy case.
11:09You'll find lumber in the common room.
11:11I have a nine-inch gash in my leg.
11:14Hmm, that's quite a handicap.
11:17Cadet, you damaged school property,
11:19and you are the one responsible for repairing it.
11:22But consider it a character-building lesson.
11:26I didn't damage anything.
11:27That was negligence.
11:29The fun was improperly connected to the wall.
11:31That is totally unfair.
11:32I decide what's fair around here.
11:35But wait.
11:36Maybe I've been hasty.
11:39Nope.
11:40Now that I've reconsidered, the decision stands.
11:42You will fix the damage by the end of the week.
11:44That is all, cadet.
11:50Dewey, you have to let go of the rope.
11:52You're all sunburned.
11:53No.
11:54Just let go.
11:56It's going to be dark soon.
11:58I can't.
11:58Yes, you can.
11:59Just open your fingers.
12:01But I'll fall.
12:02That's the point, Dewey.
12:03Just don't think.
12:05Just do it.
12:06Just let go.
12:07No.
12:07Oh, for crying out loud.
12:09You let go of that rope and you come in for dinner.
12:13Come on, honey.
12:15No.
12:15Ow.
12:16Come on, honey.
12:17I'm making French fries.
12:18Ow.
12:19Your favorite, ice cream.
12:21You know you love ice cream.
12:23And it was wriggling and fighting me.
12:26But finally, I got it on the hook.
12:27That was one hell of a worm.
12:29I thought for sure I'd catch something with it.
12:32Oh, Dewey, would you pass the salt, please?
12:37Where'd you get that china?
12:39Mom?
12:41It was horrible.
12:43We were stuck at that for hours.
12:44It was so boring.
12:49What are you smiling about?
12:51I like these potatoes.
12:54You guys went to the camp?
12:56Oh, man, what was it like?
12:58Imagine a hundred fat guys falling downstairs,
13:01knocking over old ladies,
13:02multiply that by ten,
13:04and you're not even close.
13:06Until today,
13:08I'd have traded
13:10my life
13:12for anybody's.
13:18No way.
13:19It's Mom's.
13:21If it were Mom's,
13:22would I do this?
13:29That was delicious.
13:34I am so sorry about Abe.
13:36What do you mean?
13:37Oh, you're sweet to pretend,
13:39but I know he's ruining everyone's vacation
13:41with his pouting
13:42and his sarcastic little digs.
13:44Well, if it's bothering you,
13:45you should talk to him.
13:48Sure is a beautiful night.
13:51You're right.
13:53Anything is better than this.
13:55Oh, Malcolm.
13:56Better hit the hay.
13:57We're getting up pretty early tomorrow.
13:59Nighty.
14:00Night.
14:03Oh, I'll tell you what the problem is.
14:05I hate this boat.
14:06I hate this place.
14:07I hate everything about this damn vacation.
14:09Then why didn't you say anything?
14:11Oh, what difference would it make?
14:12This whole trip was your idea,
14:14and God knows,
14:15whatever kid he wants,
14:17kid he gets.
14:18Stop behaving like a total ass.
14:21You're ruining everyone's vacation.
14:22I should be sitting in a suite in Hawaii right now.
14:24You know these people can't afford that.
14:26Well, pardon me for going to college
14:28and earning a decent living.
14:30Should I drive a crappy car
14:31because they do too?
14:33Oh, they cannot hear me.
14:37And even if they could,
14:38they'd certainly understand
14:39that it's just my puckish sense of humor.
14:42Oh, it will to work.
14:44They're not that smart.
14:45Turn on the radio.
15:34One hundred and sixteen.
15:36What?
15:36Nothing.
15:42One hundred and seventeen.
15:45You know, I didn't want it to come to this,
15:46but there's only so far a person can be pushed.
15:49You don't have to persuade me.
15:50This is exactly the kind of injustice
15:52the Alabama legal system was designed to address.
15:55Now, this sign here.
16:00And we'll need your parents' signatures at the bottom.
16:10Great.
16:11I'm a notary as well as a lawyer,
16:13so I can have this expedited.
16:14Great.
16:21Hello?
16:22Well, he's in with a client right now.
16:24Can he call you back?
16:26Watch your name, sugar.
16:29Mom, no, please.
16:30We can't watch Dewey.
16:31We already have plans.
16:32And now they include your brother.
16:34Mom.
16:34This isn't a negotiation.
16:36You're going to take your brother with you
16:38and you're going to have fun with him.
16:45Now, remember, this is a magic buoy.
16:48Mermaids are drawn to it
16:49and they'll grant your every wish.
16:51But they won't show up
16:52if there's more than one person here.
16:54Just leave.
16:55Don't insult me.
17:16Hi, Malcolm.
17:19Me and my naked friends
17:21got tired of waiting for you.
17:22You don't want that jerk Reese
17:24to have all the fun, do you?
17:26Huh?
17:26Oh!
17:27What happened?
17:28You got something?
17:29No?
17:31We're going to get you anything.
17:33I know.
17:35It's just really awful, isn't it?
17:38I don't think there's a darn fish
17:40in this whole lake.
17:41You know what?
17:42It doesn't matter.
17:44It's just nice being out here with you.
17:49Dad?
17:50Hmm?
17:52You know the other day at the store
17:53when I pretended not to know you?
17:55Yeah.
17:57That was a new loan.
17:58Well, there was this girl.
18:01Really?
18:05I'm sorry.
18:07I know.
18:11Oh, looks like you got a nipple.
18:13Atta boy.
18:13Set the hook.
18:14Set the hook.
18:15Yeah, let him run.
18:16Let him run.
18:16Take it on the jury.
18:18Okay, now reel him.
18:19Reel him.
18:19Atta boy.
18:20Look at that girl.
18:22Come to papa, baby.
18:25You betcha.
18:26Oh, yeah.
18:27Oh, that's a striper.
18:30Look at that.
18:31Where'd it go, Malcolm?
18:32Thanks, Zach.
18:33Oh, look at that.
18:35He's four pounds if he's an owl.
18:37Yeah.
18:49Huh.
18:51Isn't this your brother's shirt?
19:09What?
19:11Oh, my God.
19:14You heard so much travel.
19:18no.
19:21I can't believe it either.
19:23Hi, Dewey!
19:38If you'll excuse me, dear, I believe I'll go take a nap on my luxurious foam pad.
19:46How long are you going to let this go on?
19:48I tried to talk to him, it just didn't help.
19:51Maybe you came on too strong. You could start by apologizing.
19:54You don't have to mean it.
19:56Look, you have one day of vacation left. You want to spend it like this?
20:00All right. I could swallow my pride.
20:07And you think you're some kind of a picnic?
20:09With your long-suffering sighs and your pouting and your 2 a.m. crying jags?
20:14You are a big, overindulged mama boy!
20:17And you are an uptight, impossible-to-please, control freak!
20:23I can't take it anymore!
20:24What's she got to do about it, mama's boy? Huh?
20:27What's a big mama's boy going to do about it?
20:38Oh, sorry! Mom, I thought you were fighting! I didn't say anything!
20:52Three weeks of slave labor. My relationship with dad will never be the same.
20:57I can't stop smiling.
21:00Dewey, remember when we were both stuck on the buoy and you said you wanted to be a ventriloquist?
21:04Well, I thought it was something we could do together.
21:09Thanks, Dad!
21:10You're welcome, son.
21:12Oh, my God!
21:14What is it?
21:15It's Francis!
21:18He quit school!
21:20He's on his way to Alaska!
21:22Well, that's ridiculous. He can't just take himself out of school. He has to have our permission.
21:26No, he doesn't. He got himself legally emancipated.
21:59He's on his way to
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