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00:05The following program contains adult humour, Russell Crowe, Conan O'Brien, Robert Irwin with
00:11his shirt on, Claudia Carvin, a Spice Girl, a hungover host, a guest announcer with daddy
00:15issues, Will Anderson, Oliver Clark with a song about Epstein Island, confronting images
00:20of steaks cooked in a sandwich press, bestiality, and references to opium usage.
00:33Let's hope we don't meet anyone from Scotland, may I ask where are you from?
00:38Scotland.
00:39What's your favourite dish on Christmas day?
00:41We have lasagna, like a ham.
00:43I keep with all the tremens.
00:44I usually bring the fried rice.
00:45You didn't say that just for me did you?
00:46No.
00:47Well the best Christmas gift I ever received was half a thousand bottles of drink.
00:52Do you have some New Year's resolutions?
00:53Lose weight and give up drink.
00:55I say this sincerely, you have no fucking chance.
00:58This New Year's Eve are you going to have any resolutions or you just add, you don't
01:01do them.
01:01Give up smoking.
01:02You're a smoker?
01:03Yeah.
01:04You love tobacco shops, I love them too.
01:06Are you a smoker?
01:07Big time.
01:07No.
01:08Big time.
01:08Are you just saying that?
01:09Well, I'm more opium.
01:11I like to chase the dragon.
01:14You know what I mean?
01:14Oh the black dragon!
01:16I don't see colour.
01:17You know what my New Year's resolution was this year?
01:19No.
01:19It was to avoid awkward pauses.
01:26Alright?
01:26That's right mate.
01:27I made it to December.
01:28What about New Year's Eve parties?
01:30We're thinking about going to the Sydney Myer Music Bowl.
01:32Oh really?
01:32Who's on?
01:33Um, that guy who sings that one song.
01:37I'll remember your inspiration.
01:39It's funny, as soon as you leave, I will have no recollection of us meeting the other day.
01:43What's it like to be Sam Pang?
01:45Well, especially at Christmas.
01:46A fucking nightmare.
01:47Yes.
01:48A nightmare.
01:49Well Sam, Merry Christmas and good luck with your opium pipe.
01:57Live across Australia, this is Sam Pang tonight.
02:00And now, here's your host, Mr. Sam Pang.
02:06Oh!
02:07How about that?
02:11Sorry, almost forgot your name.
02:13That's alright.
02:14Oh, sorry.
02:17Thank you, thank you, thank you.
02:23Here we are.
02:24Good evening.
02:26And firstly, may I say a big welcome back to my special guest announcer,
02:30Becky Lucas.
02:36Becky, great, wonderful to see you again.
02:38It's so good to be here for your final show ever.
02:46Becky, we're coming back next year.
02:47It's not what I heard.
02:50Alright, well we better make it a good one then.
02:51We begin tonight with the huge news of the Prime Minister's wedding on the weekend.
02:56That's right.
02:56The first Prime Minister to marry in office.
03:00There they are there.
03:01It should have been me.
03:05I think it's too late, Becky.
03:06I'm so sorry.
03:07Sincere congratulations to Albo and First Lady Albo.
03:13Is that her name?
03:14No, congratulations, seriously.
03:17I'll give it six months tops.
03:19But the nuptials took everyone by surprise, including the news outlets leading to detailed
03:25reporting like Tony Burke was there in a blue suit.
03:33That's big.
03:34Wait for this one though.
03:35Wedding guests wore all sorts of colours.
03:40Wow, just give them the Walkley now.
03:43There were plenty of other guests photographed at the happy occasion.
03:46I scored an invite.
03:47There I am right there.
03:53You're laughing way too hard at that by the way.
03:55And here's Pauline Hanson arriving too at the big day of course.
03:58It was a wonderful day for those two.
04:01Staying with politics and Barnaby Joyce has resigned from the National Party.
04:05It's the biggest blow to the Nationals since Barnaby Joyce joined the Nationals.
04:12Barnaby said he leaves the party with a heavy heart and an even heavier liver.
04:21It's a big week for Barnaby.
04:22Pauline Hanson tried to get him to join One Nation by cooking him a steak the traditional way.
04:29On a sandwich press.
04:31And by the looks of things, Pauline likes her steaks like she likes immigrants coming into the country.
04:37Rare.
04:42To be fair, she's not allowed near a naked flame just in case she sets her burka on fire.
04:46So, in saying that though, going by the size of that salt, I don't think either of them are making
04:52to the next election anyway.
04:54That is a big tub of salt.
04:55Alright, heading overseas and a 65-year-old Thai woman has been found alive at a crematorium after she was
05:02heard knocking from inside a coffin.
05:05That's great news.
05:06Incredibly, the woman woke up just prior to being cremated.
05:10But the family had already paid for the cremation and...
05:16Rules are rules.
05:19You know, Sam, I always thought I would die in Thailand.
05:22What? You thought you'd die in Thailand? Why, Becky?
05:24Because, well, my name's Becky.
05:26So, I just, it's the sort of name where you either die in Thailand or the Gold Coast.
05:32Or in the Suzuki Swift on your way to the airport.
05:35It's one of those three.
05:36I couldn't agree more.
05:38Moving on.
05:39We're 16 episodes in.
05:40I've read your letters.
05:42You ask for it.
05:43Here it is.
05:44Yes, it's news from Namibia.
05:49Namibia.
05:51That's right.
05:53Finally, I've heard your calls and here it is.
05:56You want news from Namibia?
05:57Well, here's this week's edition.
05:59Adolf Hitler Unona is on track to win a fifth term in local elections.
06:04And that is the name on the ballot.
06:07The district administrator grew up thinking his name was totally normal,
06:11realising the significance of his namesake much later.
06:18I'm just glad they included a picture of Adolf Hitler the First there, otherwise we wouldn't have known who they're
06:23talking about.
06:25The Namibian politician defended his father saying he probably didn't understand what Adolf Hitler stood for.
06:31Which is fair enough.
06:32There's not a lot of information about that period of history.
06:36If only there was a designated history channel or something like that, that would have been handy.
06:41But anyway.
06:41Don't you think like dads, you know, they don't know everything.
06:45Just ask my brother Osama bin Lucas.
06:52Just reinforcing, you have a brother called Osama bin Lucas.
06:56Yeah.
06:57He's really cool.
07:00A couple of quick ones from over the weekend.
07:02The Wiggles are in hot water.
07:04The Wiggles are under fire this morning, accused of endorsing drug use in a now deleted video with singer Kelly
07:11Holiday.
07:12The clip promoted his new song about ecstasy as Blue Wiggle, Anthony Field, danced in the background.
07:19And that explains the Wiggles' new song, Jeff hasn't slept for 48 hours.
07:32And finally to Europe and a wild story of Italian pension fraud.
07:37Little old lady, dressed in a skirt, wearing lipstick and a pearl necklace.
07:42Off to collect her pension in a small northern Italian town.
07:46The little old lady is in fact a man, pretending to be his mother.
07:52That's Graziella Del Oglio on the left.
07:54She died three years ago.
07:57That's right.
08:00Sad story.
08:01After being caught, the man said that he regretted his actions.
08:04Especially the part where he had to make sweet love to his father.
08:11Mamma mia!
08:13Thank you, Becky.
08:14Great show coming up.
08:15Becky Lucas is sticking around.
08:16I chat with Claudia Carvin, a Spice Girl.
08:18Tom Cashman is up next.
08:20But first, tonight is the last show of the year.
08:22So to see out season two, we got a few messages from some friends of the show.
08:27Hey Sam, Conan O'Brien here.
08:29As you can probably tell, I'm shooting a travel show in India.
08:33I learned an old trick long ago.
08:35You could probably use this too.
08:36Once they tire of you in your country, you move the talk show to other countries.
08:41Talk show seems fresh all over again.
08:43Anyway, I want to congratulate you on your second season big pickup.
08:48This is great news.
08:49I hear you're a very talented fellow.
08:51I'm happy for you.
08:52So congrats from Conan to you, Sam.
08:55Keep up the great work.
08:57And remember, when the Australians start to hate you, you travel.
09:02Good for me.
09:03Take care now.
09:04Conan O'Brien there, amazing.
09:06I think we have one more from Russell Crowe.
09:10So enjoy, and we'll be back in a moment.
09:12Well, hello, Sam Pang.
09:14How are you?
09:15I hear that the social media engagements after my appearance on your show went through the roof.
09:23My pleasure.
09:24I've always loved helping out the little battlers.
09:27And as far as battlers go, you are little.
09:30I just want to show something.
09:31I want to show something.
09:32So if you have a look over here, like here.
09:35You think to yourself, you know, this is what you gather over a long career of four decades,
09:44five decades, whatever it is.
09:46And I just want to say to you, my friend, if you focus and if you concentrate and you give
09:51your all,
09:52then one day you too may well be able to afford a piece of furniture as nice as that.
10:20That was good.
10:27Yeah, that was good.
10:28That was perfect.
10:28Harder than it looks, Becky.
10:31Now, before the break, we heard a message from friend of the show, Russell Crowe, which was very exciting.
10:36Well, he's got more to say.
10:37And he promised me he wasn't going to plug anything.
10:41December 20th at the Enmore Theatre, my band, Indoor Garden Party.
10:45We've got a big concert going on.
10:46Tickets are on sale.
10:47Our guests include Troy Cassadaly, Marsha Hines.
10:51Brakes flying in from the USA to be on the gig with us.
10:54It's going to be huge.
10:55It's going to be a great night.
10:56December 20th at the Enmore Theatre.
10:58It's going to be amazing.
10:59In fact, nearly as amazing as finding out that you got renewed for a third season.
11:04And given those social media numbers now, I kind of feel a little bit responsible.
11:09So I will check in with you every now and then.
11:11See how you're going.
11:12There you go.
11:13The one and only Russell Crowe.
11:14And knowing Russell, that probably wasn't his first take.
11:20Russell Crowe was trying out a bit of pick-up artistry on you there.
11:23A bit of a neg.
11:24You think that there's a bit of chemistry?
11:27Electric?
11:28It was a big thrill.
11:29In all seriousness, it was a big thrill that he came on the show, Becky.
11:32Almost as exciting as to have you back, by the way.
11:35Because since you came on season one, and then since you were here last, you've been
11:40supporting Golden Globes host Nikki Glaser on her Australian tour.
11:44There's Becky and Nikki.
11:46That's us.
11:49So that's a big, big gig.
11:52Seriously, tell me about that.
11:54How was it?
11:54Yeah, it was cool.
11:55Because she messaged me on Instagram, and she'd seen some of my clips and stuff.
12:00And then asked me to support her, which was nice.
12:02Like it wasn't just, you know, sometimes you just get booked through whatever the powers
12:08that be.
12:08But she personally asked me to do it.
12:10So that was really nice.
12:11Like I did?
12:12Yeah, like you did.
12:13I love how you always bring it back to you.
12:18It's great.
12:19It's awesome.
12:21That's why you got your own show.
12:23Yeah.
12:24But it was, like I just recently stopped breastfeeding my son.
12:28Sorry if this makes people uncomfortable.
12:29I know men get weird.
12:30But your hormones kind of change when that happens.
12:34And I had really bad BO.
12:36Like I had the worst BO for a few weeks, and there was nothing I could do about it.
12:42And so a lot of that night, even though it was really great, all I can really remember
12:47is trying to keep my arms down by my sides.
12:53Yeah.
12:54Do you think that you hit it well enough that Nikki Glaser doesn't think you stink?
12:59I did it halfway through the night.
13:01I changed shirts.
13:02Oh yeah.
13:03And I think everyone pretended to be cool with that.
13:07But yeah, I think I did well enough that she didn't know that I stank.
13:11And if I did, I just blamed one of the techies.
13:15Smart move.
13:16In all seriousness out, was she nice?
13:18She was awesome.
13:19She was too nice.
13:21You know, like you want them to be a bit mean.
13:24Sometimes.
13:25Well, you're on the right show tonight.
13:28Yeah, she was really, it was a very lovely experience.
13:31But at the end of the day, I go back to my two year old who treats me like a
13:35slave.
13:37Well, you've got the night off tonight.
13:38So that's exciting.
13:39And I'm very, very happy you're here.
13:40Now listen, a lot of people have been asking, what's the latest with Contagious George, Becky?
13:44You know, he's the breakout star of the show.
13:49He's got his own fragrance.
13:51He's got children's books.
13:52He's eloped with Priscilla Presley.
13:55And this week, he did his first ever podcast.
13:58Now, of course, we're all familiar with Will Anderson's very popular podcast, Willosophy.
14:03Well, this week, he had a very special guest.
14:06Great chat today.
14:07Because it's someone I'm a huge fan of, like the mascot from Sam Pang tonight, Contagious George.
14:12It hasn't been the easiest chat that I've ever had on the podcast.
14:16Hey, can I ask you just one question?
14:18I know you reassured me at the start, but you're not Contagious right now, are you?
14:22I mean, you haven't...
14:25I just...
14:28I just...
14:59Thank you very much there, Will Anderson.
15:02Rest in peace.
15:03Now, if you like graphs...
15:08I just read what's there.
15:09And who doesn't, by the way?
15:11You're going to love our next guest.
15:12Here to crunch the numbers on season two, please welcome the star of Taskmaster, Tom Cashman!
15:21Thank you, everybody.
15:23Lovely to see you, Tom.
15:24Oh, it's lovely to see you, too.
15:25I didn't know that if you like graphs was going to be a laugh line, but nevertheless...
15:31It's very lovely to be here, and congratulations to everyone on another great season.
15:34I'd like to present some data about the show.
15:36This segment is called the magic number.
15:38So when we're playing the magic number, if I could ask everyone to please say the magic number out loud
15:42when I say, reveal the magic number.
15:44So the first magic number is zero.
15:46Zero!
15:48That's the number of dead people John Edward talked to in episode three.
15:56John Edward not talking to dead people is like if you booked a magician for your party and the magician
16:00didn't make any women uncomfortable.
16:05The next magic number is zero.
16:08Zero!
16:09That's the number of times Becky Lucas put a new toilet roll on the holder when we lived together in
16:142016.
16:16Here are two dated photos proving what I'm saying is true.
16:21Absolutely disgraceful behaviour.
16:22This is easier.
16:23Don't interrupt my segment, please, Becky.
16:24Sorry.
16:26The next magic number, zero.
16:28Zero!
16:30That's the amount of respect Becky has for other people in a shared living environment.
16:34Here are two more pieces of evidence of the kind of shit she was up to.
16:40The next magic number, zero.
16:42That's the number of apologies I've received about the aforementioned toilet roll situation.
16:48Here's one more photo taken on my birthday.
16:52No less.
16:53Why do I not think that you got your bond back, you two?
16:57Wow, that's a whole other story.
17:00I took these photos and haven't revealed them until an appropriate time and I thought this was the appropriate time.
17:05A time where Becky is contractually obliged not to be able to respond.
17:09But I should move on from our gripe.
17:12This next magic number, number five.
17:14Five.
17:15That's for Five Seconds of Summer, the band that guested on this program earlier in the season.
17:20It took me ten seconds of spring to notice Sam was hating that interview.
17:27But if I'm honest, I was watching that interview, I think they stumbled onto something accidentally about Sam's career that
17:33I've noticed.
17:34So if I could take you all back in time, Sam's career started in radio.
17:38He went on to appear on Eurovision, Front Bar, Have You Been Paying Attention, then the Logies and Sam Paying
17:43Tonight.
17:44I think we'd all agree Sam's success has increased over this period, but so did the percentage of Sam's body
17:51on display.
17:52Think about it. In radio, he was 100% hidden.
17:54On Have You Been Paying Attention, he was 50% visible.
17:57Then on the Logies and this show, he's 100% visible.
18:01Sam's top 50% led to success.
18:03His bottom 50% will lead to Super Starter.
18:07The secret to Sam's career has been right under his penis the whole time.
18:17I heard Sam say earlier his better half never comes to these records.
18:21Baby, she's been here all along.
18:25Everybody loves Sam's legs.
18:28And I know what you're thinking.
18:30If it's all about the legs, how do you explain the increase in success between Season 1 and Season 2?
18:34This increase is inarguable, right?
18:35Russell Crowe's been on this season, there's been an increase in success, but the percentage of Sam Payne's body on
18:40display has plateaued.
18:42That's what you're thinking. Wrong.
18:43Season 2 has an extra section of live audience over there.
18:46So if you took a bird's eye view, this is Season 1, this is what it looks like, and this
18:50is the level of coverage.
18:52Visual coverage, the live audience in Season 1 got of Sam's legs.
18:55For Season 2, there's extra audience, which means 25% extra coverage of what I call the legs.
19:01So now, the next question, where do we go from here?
19:07Season 3.
19:09What's next for Season 3?
19:10I've spoken with Sam and some very important network executives, and we would like to give you an exclusive sneak
19:15peek into what you can expect for Season 3.
19:16Sam, please show them what they've all been waiting for.
19:35Anything for you?
19:40Weirdly, Tom's a tits guy though.
19:43Big thanks to Tom Cashman, a lot less of my legs and a lot more of Claudia Carvin in a
19:48moment after this break.
20:05G'day, Robert Irwin here.
20:06I've just come back from Dancing with the Stars in the States.
20:08Sam Pang, I just wanted to send a message and wish you all the best.
20:13I hear that they've given you a show.
20:15That's so exciting.
20:16All the very best with the first episode.
20:18I know it's good.
20:19Oh, it's not the first.
20:20Oh, it's the finale.
20:22Oh, right.
20:23Oh, congratulations on an entire season of your show.
20:28Well, I hope it's been a great ride.
20:30All the very best.
20:31And, hey, cross fingers for a Season 2.
20:34You never know, right?
20:36Okay.
20:36Good on you, mate.
20:37Keep crushing it.
20:38That's great for you.
20:39I'm so proud of you.
20:40Awesome.
20:41Sam, is that right?
20:42Isn't that Sam?
20:44Okay.
20:50Welcome back.
20:51Thank you, Robert.
20:52I really appreciate that.
20:54My first guest tonight made her screen debut at age 10 playing a disgruntled child.
21:00That's right.
21:02Since then, she's written, produced and starred in basically every Australian television
21:07show worth watching.
21:08Let's take a look.
21:09I've got news.
21:10Now's the time, Dad.
21:11Talk to me.
21:12Oh, it's a little Elizabethan whore.
21:15Daddy's gonna kill you.
21:16What was I supposed to do?
21:17I've never loved a man the way I love these shoes.
21:19Oh, what's that supposed to mean?
21:20I just thought I was a total legend.
21:21Oh, shit.
21:24Please welcome Claudia Carvin.
21:30Hi, Becky.
21:31How are you?
21:34Hello.
21:36How are you?
21:37So good.
21:38Have you ever seen?
21:42Cheers.
21:44Claudia, thanks so much for being here.
21:46Thanks for having me.
21:46My favourite part was when you walked straight past Becky.
21:49No.
21:50I said hello.
21:51Yeah, what are we supposed to do?
21:52Rude.
21:53Just a fist bump or something.
21:55I think we very respectfully acknowledged each other.
21:58Do you want us to cuddle?
21:59Yeah, do it again.
21:59You're sick.
22:00You're sick.
22:01Look at that.
22:02She loves you.
22:09I wanted to...
22:10That's all better now.
22:11Hey, Claudia, did you remember the role of disgruntled child?
22:15I...
22:16Yes, I do.
22:17I was about 10 and I wasn't a natural.
22:21I looked straight down the barrel of the camera.
22:23You sure about that?
22:24Because I...
22:24Well, here it is here and Claudia is on the left.
22:27Give me my hand!
22:29Give me my hand!
22:30Give me my hand!
22:30It's my hand!
22:31Who wants to earn a dollar?
22:32Me!
22:34Yep.
22:35Oh!
22:35It's your dollar!
22:36It's your...
22:37My panda!
22:39Oh.
22:40Oh.
22:41What a...
22:42Claudia, you...
22:43You make that other child look positively gruntled, by the way,
22:46compared to your disgruntled.
22:48What do you think about when you see that little girl?
22:50That deep voice.
22:52Mama!
22:52I had a very deep voice when I was young.
22:54Really?
22:54Quite husky, yeah.
22:56Um, yeah.
22:57My panda!
23:00I looked at that.
23:00I've had no idea what's going on in that scene, by the way.
23:02Well, do you want me to tell you?
23:04It's a bit elaborate.
23:06Happy...
23:07Happy...
23:07It might be a bit boring.
23:09You might cut...
23:09You might cut it out later.
23:12There is no cutting.
23:14It's live.
23:15Oh, yeah.
23:17Sorry.
23:18So pretend it's a play.
23:19Okay.
23:20Um, this guy pretended we were his children so that he could get drugs
23:25from a chemist.
23:27Oh, my God.
23:28I know.
23:29Pretty raunchy.
23:30Stealing Becky's moves.
23:31Yeah.
23:32It was pretty subversive stuff.
23:33Speaking of your voice, were you teased as a...
23:35I read somewhere where you were teased as a child because of your voice.
23:38I used to be called Claude the Crow because I had a husky voice, yeah.
23:43Really?
23:44Yeah.
23:45What...
23:45And what happened?
23:46Did it get...
23:47How did...
23:47I thought your voices break and then they get high...
23:50They get lower.
23:51They start high and then they get lower.
23:52I was told when I was young that women's voices get lower as you get older
23:56and I really freaked out then because my voice sounded like this
23:59when I was, like, ten years old.
24:00I was like, oh, God, where am I going from here?
24:03Um, you've been doing interviews for a long time.
24:05It's just quite wonderful to have you on my show.
24:07I really, really appreciate it.
24:08But here you are on the Midday Show, Claudia Carvin,
24:11with Ray Martin at the age of 14.
24:13How do you mope and get sad when you're 14?
24:15How do you...
24:16What did you do?
24:16Think of...
24:17You just think about sad things, think about mum and dad,
24:21think about the role and it just comes.
24:24I don't know.
24:25I don't really know.
24:26But they were real tears.
24:27Yeah.
24:31From memory, a lot of Ray's guests ended up in tears, by the way.
24:36Once again, what about that?
24:38How old are you?
24:3814, I think.
24:3914.
24:40Yeah, things have changed.
24:42We just paint them on in post now.
24:43Yeah.
24:44No real tears.
24:45So is it...
24:45No, I'm joking.
24:47Back then you used to think about your parents to cry.
24:49Well, I...
24:50Is that still the same?
24:51What do you do now?
24:51Well, I was away from home filming High Tide for about six
24:56or seven weeks, so I think I was missing them.
24:59Now, you know, I think as you get older there's sadly
25:02a lot to cry about, so you cry quite easily.
25:06Yeah?
25:06Yeah.
25:07So it just depends on the day what you pick.
25:10Yeah.
25:11I'm not going to tell you.
25:13It's secret.
25:13It's secret.
25:15Secret actor's business.
25:16About what?
25:17Well, you could cry pretty easily, couldn't you?
25:21Um...
25:21Not that.
25:23LAUGHTER
25:24I don't really know what you, like, want me to say there.
25:27Uh...
25:27Hang on, I just...
25:28Yeah, I mean, I do cry all the time.
25:30Yeah.
25:30But, um...
25:32Again, it's pretty personal, yeah.
25:34LAUGHTER
25:35I mean, when's the last time you cried?
25:36When you found out this is your last ever episode?
25:38Or...?
25:39I cry after every show in the toilets by myself.
25:43All right, what about...
25:44I'm glad that's what it is.
25:45So this one here, you've got to...
25:46I know you're not going to tell me what makes you cry
25:48or what your motivation is to cry, Claudia,
25:50but I will...
25:51I've noticed, by the way, you've worked with a lot of big names
25:53in your storied career.
25:55Guy Pearce, there's one there.
25:56Alex Demetriatus, Vince Colosmo, Hugh Jackman.
26:02Hey, this is a genuine question.
26:03So, who's...
26:05Do you remember all those scenes in those movies?
26:08LAUGHTER
26:12Terrible job.
26:14Terrible job?
26:14Terrible job.
26:16I'll give you an out.
26:17I'm sure they're all great.
26:18All great.
26:19But...
26:20But...
26:20Who was the best?
26:22Pisser.
26:23I have answered...
26:24I have answered this before, so I'm sure he has...
26:26He knows.
26:27Joel Edgerton.
26:29Oh, yeah.
26:30That'd be nice.
26:30Joel Edgerton?
26:32LAUGHTER
26:33He's so good.
26:34Yeah.
26:35How would you...
26:35When one word, how would you describe his breath?
26:38LAUGHTER
26:40That's a good question.
26:41I...
26:42Mmm.
26:43I don't...
26:43His breath.
26:45Probably minty.
26:46Minty.
26:47Probably.
26:48Usually...
26:49Minty with a base of, like, fish or what.
26:51I don't know.
26:53Because anyone can...
26:54We all know what mint is, but it's like...
26:55You know how some people have a taste?
26:58It was a while ago.
27:02Joel Edgerton's the best, though.
27:03Yeah?
27:04Yeah.
27:05So someone nodding the clip.
27:06Great.
27:07LAUGHTER
27:08Sorry.
27:10The Hugh Jackman one, we actually had to reshoot that three times.
27:15Really?
27:15Yeah.
27:15That track.
27:16I love Hugh Jackman.
27:18No, he's the best.
27:19Like, you know, as you get older, you go,
27:20oh, there's often a difference between perception and reality.
27:23He is the best guy on planet Earth.
27:27Yeah?
27:27Genuinely, he's beautiful.
27:28Beautiful.
27:29We did not have chemistry and the kissing was...
27:32Really?
27:33But he's gorgeous.
27:34Yeah, I can't imagine kissing Hugh Jackman.
27:37I love him.
27:37Well, also...
27:38I can.
27:38He's so tall...
27:41He's so tall that they used to have to dig a hole for him
27:45and put me on a crate.
27:46Whoa.
27:46So maybe that affected the chemistry.
27:48Whoa.
27:49It was awkward.
27:49The general rule, yeah.
27:50Yeah.
27:51Well, I've always...
27:52I'm glad that he's a good guy because, um...
27:53He's the best.
27:54I've always considered him a bit of a showbiz arsehole,
27:56but, anyway, there you go.
27:58I've got no doubt...
27:59No surprise at all that he's a good guy.
28:01Hey, guess what?
28:01You know I can't do this show on my own, thankfully.
28:04Becky, it's time for this.
28:09You're up, Becky.
28:14Claudia, are you ready for this?
28:15Yes.
28:16Well, I'm a bit worried because you sort of...
28:18It might be a bit stepping on the other stuff,
28:20but I just wanted to know what do you daydream about?
28:26Um...
28:27Um...
28:28What wordle...
28:29Word I'm going to use the next morning?
28:34Really?
28:34Does that be boring?
28:35Just imagine, you know, you're on a plane,
28:37you've got your headphones in,
28:39you're playing, like, Lana Del Rey,
28:41looking out the window,
28:42what comes to you?
28:44My honest answer is...
28:46My death.
28:48Oh.
28:49Oh, I'll tell you how you're going to die.
28:53How?
28:53Okay.
28:55Playing Wordle.
28:56Yeah.
28:57No, she's going to die in Thailand with me.
28:59We're there together, babe.
29:01It's so fun.
29:01We're going to have so much fun.
29:02All right.
29:03I've got to...
29:04I've got to...
29:05That's a joke from before that she probably didn't see.
29:08I've got a follow-up question.
29:09When you're playing Wordle, what's the first...
29:11You know, what's your opening gambit?
29:13What's the...
29:13That's a good one.
29:13What's the word?
29:14It's what comes into my brain at the time.
29:17So, it's really, like...
29:18It's quite, um...
29:21Indicative of what you're thinking about.
29:22It's...
29:23It's cosmic.
29:24It could be, like, death.
29:27It could be death.
29:27Death.
29:28It could be death, by the way.
29:29That's a good first question.
29:30Well, once I woke up at two in the morning,
29:32I was like, oh, I'm wide awake,
29:33I might as well play Wordle.
29:34And it was night time.
29:35I put in night.
29:36And I got it in one.
29:37Wow.
29:37First go.
29:38First go.
29:42That's awesome.
29:45Must be good to be Claudia Carvin, by the way.
29:47I'm sorry.
29:48Winning.
29:48It's gonna be a good day tomorrow.
29:51You're promoting Bump, Christmas movie on Stan.
29:54Um, Bump has now five seasons, which is amazing.
29:57And now it's got a movie, which is out now for Christmas.
29:59So...
30:00But just congratulations, by the way.
30:01You must be very, very proud.
30:02Isn't it amazing?
30:03Five seasons for it.
30:05Wonderful.
30:07Yeah.
30:08Very proud.
30:09It's a beautiful show.
30:10Um, I don't know if I'm ever gonna repeat.
30:12You have a, you know, a job as sweet as that again.
30:14It was heaven.
30:15Lovely people.
30:16Loved everything about it.
30:17Five seasons.
30:18Now the movie.
30:19Yes, now the movie.
30:20Set in Columbia.
30:21Um, it's a party.
30:22It's really festive.
30:23It's perfect for this time of year.
30:25In that, in Bump, you play a, the mother of a teenage girl who's had a surprise baby.
30:31Which, and I didn't know this.
30:32They're, they're called toilet babies.
30:36Is that right?
30:37Well...
30:37I don't know if that's a medical term, but I'm just saying it's...
30:40That's a, it's the surprise.
30:42She had a cryptic pregnancy.
30:44Okay.
30:45So she didn't realise she was pregnant.
30:47And so she had a baby and she was on the toilet when she had the baby.
30:52Well, then she went into an ambulance.
30:54But yeah.
31:00Any toilet babies here tonight?
31:03Um, I want to just finish with this.
31:04Last week Alan Davies was on the show and he gave me some acting advice.
31:07I'm about to do some acting advice.
31:08Have you got any advice for me?
31:09Are you?
31:09Have you got some...
31:09Well...
31:10What was his advice?
31:11He said, just don't do anything.
31:13He just said, be still.
31:15Just do nothing.
31:17And then...
31:17Okay.
31:17Show me that.
31:19I think you've seen it for about three segments now.
31:22No.
31:23Do nothing.
31:24Show me it.
31:28You're going to get the sack.
31:29No, the editor's not going to cut to you.
31:31You need to be thinking about something.
31:33Show me, show me thinking about what you're going to be doing tomorrow morning when you
31:37wake up in bed.
31:38I don't...
31:41See?
31:41That's good.
31:42What about walking?
31:43Do you know how...
31:44Not in this time slot, Claudia Carvin.
31:46I...
31:47I...
31:47We've got to move on.
31:48I just wanted to say thank you so much for coming on the show.
31:50I really appreciate it.
31:51It's been great to chat.
31:52Please thank Claudia Carvin for my chat with 40 spokesman C after this.
32:29How is the ivory trade going, by the way?
32:31I take full responsibility for the last 13 years.
32:34Well, I don't feel as bad now about, you know, referring to you as the walking cadaver.
32:39And I thought, you know what I'll do?
32:41I'll lick her armpit.
32:42That's your signature move.
32:44So I just go, ha, ha, ha, ha.
32:46Get your pants on.
32:47Warnie wants to meet you.
32:48Do you ever talk back to them?
32:49This is a great question that nobody's ever asked me.
32:52Yes.
32:55I told you to ask that question.
32:58She's dead!
32:59Boom!
33:00Got them all alive!
33:02How do you think the interview's going?
33:03Yeah, better than expected.
33:05Come in where the money is, motherfucker.
33:08Good point.
33:08Good point.
33:09This is good, solid family entertainment.
33:13This is...
33:14This is what...
33:15This is what Australian television means.
33:23Welcome back.
33:25Yesterday, I lived the dream of having a chat with a Spice Girl.
33:28The sporty one.
33:30I'll make you talk.
33:32Melanie C.
33:33We wanted to be the biggest band in the world.
33:35It was like our ultimate fantasy.
33:36If you want my future, forget my air, air.
33:40We got up to so much mischief.
33:42It's wild, isn't it?
33:43What do you think about that?
33:44There's more to me than being sporty spice.
33:49Mel C's got a new single called Sweat.
33:52Now, we recorded the interview early yesterday morning,
33:54which was unfortunate because I hadn't been home yet.
34:00But I think I kept it together.
34:03Enjoy.
34:05Hello, Mel C.
34:06Thank you for joining me.
34:07No, it's good to see you.
34:08How are you?
34:08I'm, uh...
34:09Yeah, I'm a little bit dusty.
34:10I'm not going to lie.
34:11Yeah.
34:11Yeah, where have you been?
34:13You're looking...
34:13Well, I'd say smart, but you're looking a bit disheveled,
34:16to be honest.
34:16I would...
34:17Well, I did my best to kind of hide it from you,
34:20but I don't think I've done the best job.
34:21I was at a, um...
34:22I was at a black tie event last night, Mel C, you know,
34:25just at a charity event, just, you know, giving back.
34:28OK.
34:28I don't know how you feel about philanthropy,
34:31but, you know, fundamentally, I'm against it.
34:34All right, the new single, Sweat.
34:36Tell us about the new song.
34:38OK.
34:38If nobody's seen the video, it's probably worth a watch.
34:42OK.
34:42It's really fun.
34:43It's been very heavily inspired by a lot of iconic fitness moments,
34:47things that have inspired me over the years,
34:50from movies like Flashdance
34:51to songs like Let's Get Physical, Olivia Newton-John.
34:55And I just had a lot of fun in the studio, put that all together,
34:58and it's very much the aesthetic for the album, really.
35:01I've had a lot of fun being a DJ for the past eight years,
35:04so I wanted to make an album that was more in line
35:07with what I play as a DJ.
35:08It's more electronic.
35:11And lyrically, just really leaning into that whole fitness thing,
35:15and, yeah, not on every song, but on, you know,
35:18quite a few of the songs.
35:19A bit tongue-in-cheek, a bit more fun than stuff
35:21I've maybe done in the past.
35:22OK, well, speaking of DJing,
35:24did you DJ in a sauna in New York City?
35:26Is that right?
35:27I did.
35:28It was amazing.
35:30So, it was in a sauna.
35:32It was a sober rave, thankfully,
35:34because you shouldn't drink and use saunas.
35:36But it was quite an experience, yeah.
35:39I didn't know what to expect,
35:41but it was quite a spiritual experience, to be honest.
35:44How did the electrical equipment go in the sauna?
35:48It was all right, you know.
35:49So, I've done shows where it's been, like, blistering heat,
35:54and the decks were, like, did not want to know.
35:56But in the sauna, they were absolutely fine.
35:59So, it wasn't crazy hot in there,
36:01but it was more of a moist heat, do you know what I mean?
36:04And I thought, I don't know how the buttons are going to work.
36:07But it was fine.
36:09Moist Heat could be the name of your next single, by the way.
36:12LAUGHTER
36:13All right, so, is there anything else...
36:15Like, you're here to talk about sweat and your music,
36:17so is there anything else that you'd like to say
36:19that I haven't asked?
36:20Because you've got to remember this,
36:21you're talking to someone who's not a very good interviewer.
36:24LAUGHTER
36:25How did you get your job?
36:26Do you just know the right people?
36:28No, I don't know the right people,
36:29and it's a question many people have asked, Mel C.
36:31Speaking of getting jobs, though,
36:33with that other band you used to be with,
36:35is it true that you, to get that job,
36:38you replied to an ad for an audition?
36:40Is that right?
36:41In 1994, there was an ad run in Stage Magazine.
36:44I've got it here.
36:45It looks like...
36:45It actually looks like a wanted Dead or Alive poster.
36:48Can you see that?
36:49It does, doesn't it?
36:50Looking for girls aged 18 to 23,
36:52they wanted the ability to sing and dance.
36:54Tick, tick.
36:55Streetwise, outgoing, ambitious and dedicated.
36:59OK, so I'd say three of the four.
37:02I don't know how streetwise I was.
37:04Right.
37:05But what you learn as a performer
37:07is you fake it till you make it, right?
37:09I know lots of people who've put on their CBE silly things
37:12like they can ice skate or horse ride or speak French,
37:16you know, because obviously you do whatever you can
37:18to get the job.
37:20Well, you asked me about how I got this job.
37:22I answered an ad for my job at Channel 10 that just said the criteria was,
37:26are you available on Monday nights from 8.30 to 9.30?
37:29That was it for me.
37:30It was fine.
37:31That was it.
37:32Simon Cowell famously passed on managing the Spice Girls.
37:36Is it nice when you run into him?
37:38Always.
37:39So, he wasn't managing at the time.
37:41He was at a label.
37:42He was at a record label.
37:44And we were going to lots of labels and management
37:47and he was probably the only person who said no,
37:51who didn't like us.
37:53So, yeah.
37:54And I think it's his biggest regret.
37:55I think he might have said that publicly before.
37:58Sporty, Scary, Baby, Ginger and Posh.
38:01You know those nicknames?
38:02We actually didn't make those up.
38:04It was a magazine article and it was an editor of a magazine
38:08that gave us the nicknames and they just stuck.
38:11And then we just, we love them and we embrace them.
38:13And what a fantastic, like, kind of accident, marketing-wise.
38:17It's a dream.
38:18Do you think there's a missed opportunity with, like,
38:21you could have added an Asian member of the band called Five?
38:24Five Spice.
38:26Ah, I see what you did there.
38:27Well, it's such a rich and colourful life.
38:30You're on The Voice, of course.
38:32A coach on The Voice.
38:33What's it like working with the late, great Richard Marks?
38:36He's a gentleman.
38:37Is he?
38:38Mm-hm.
38:39Okay.
38:40He's very lovely.
38:41It feels as though you wouldn't have a bad thing to say about anyone.
38:44Do you know what?
38:45That's, yeah, you need to catch me on a bad day to slag somebody off.
38:49But the people I work with on The Voice, in fact, the whole team,
38:52it's a beautiful show.
38:54Sounds like the opposite of this show, Mel.
38:57I work on a show that's got a buzzer.
38:59You've got a show.
39:00Just tell me, how much fun is hitting that buzzer and spinning around?
39:03Oh, it's so much fun.
39:03The worst thing is not doing it.
39:05I hate not turning around.
39:06Why do you have a buzzer on your show, though?
39:08Not this show.
39:09There's another show I do called Have You Been Paying Attention,
39:11which is like a quiz show and you hit the buzzer and...
39:13You have another show?
39:15Yeah, you seem...
39:17You're right to be shocked and surprised.
39:20There was an ad that I answered...
39:22I'm only pulling your leg.
39:24Actually, that's probably the meanest thing you've said in this interview, Mel.
39:27That's...
39:27Last one, too.
39:29I don't know if you know this.
39:30I host the Logies.
39:31Do you know the Logies?
39:32I do know the Logies, yeah.
39:34Yeah, so I hosted them last year.
39:36And I actually...
39:38I mentioned you and Richard in the opening monologue,
39:41in a touching tribute.
39:42Did you?
39:43Are you going to share with me what you said?
39:45Absolutely.
39:46Are you ready?
39:47Yeah, I'm ready.
39:47The Voice is about to launch its 14th season
39:50and new coaches this year include Sporty Spice Mel C
39:53and the one and only Richard Marks.
39:55What are the odds both of them being available?
40:02I'm not sure I get it.
40:03By the way, Richard was there in the audience that night
40:06and he enjoyed it even less than that.
40:09Mel C, thank you so much.
40:11I know it's really late there.
40:12I just wanted to say thank you so much for your time.
40:14I really appreciate it.
40:15No problem.
40:16Lovely to meet you.
40:20A big thanks to Mel C.
40:22Up next, Oliver Clark is live in the News Lounge.
40:43Welcome back.
40:46I'm here with Becky Lucas.
40:47Becky, lovely to see you.
40:49Yeah.
40:49You too.
40:50Anything to promote?
40:52Anything to plug?
40:54It's not career, but me and Contagious George are actually...
41:00We have an announcement.
41:03Right.
41:05Is it?
41:05Oh, wow.
41:06Yeah.
41:07That's...
41:08That's...
41:08That's...
41:09You know, it's very hard from ultrasounds to tell who the father is.
41:12It is, but...
41:13You know, one of the nurses came in and she said,
41:15look, we've got some news for you.
41:17Yeah.
41:17She said, he's got the biggest cock we've ever seen.
41:19Oh, there you go.
41:22You must be very proud.
41:24I am.
41:24All right.
41:25So, Becky, tonight is the season finale.
41:27So, to wrap up the biggest stories of the year through song,
41:31please welcome Oliver Clark live from the News Lounge.
41:43Thank you so much, everybody.
41:45It's fantastic to be here wrapping up some of the biggest news stories of the year.
41:50Ooh.
41:53Ooh.
41:53Blue Hawaii.
41:55My usual.
41:58Anyway.
41:58Hey, one of the biggest stories of the year.
42:01Let's head to Hollywood.
42:02Old Tinseltown in space.
42:04Hit it.
42:05Katy Perry to the moon
42:09With some other random stars
42:14Perry sang a song up there
42:17They should have left her up on Mars
42:22In other words
42:25Good news, though
42:29Yeah, she's dating a person of color
42:34Justin Trudeau
42:37Thank you. Thank you so much.
42:43And news just keeps coming in from Hollywood, so let's go back to Tinseltown on Earth.
42:48Hit it!
42:50Hey, Tony, that bass is swinging good. Keep it walking, my friend.
42:55Taylor Swift got engaged
42:57To Travis Kelsey
42:59She will wed
43:01Though it seems a little strange
43:04And he seems to be half brain dead
43:15And the big news in sport this year comes from a young gentleman who has been dominating the athletics track
43:22both here and abroad.
43:25Hit it!
43:26Hit it!
43:29Hit it!
43:30Hit it!
43:32Oh, no!
43:36No, no, no, no!
43:42We are doing that again!
43:44We're doing it again!
43:46There's too much pressure on it!
43:47Too much pressure on that one!
43:48Breathe!
43:54Gout, gout, gout
43:57Thank you, thank you so much
44:06Ladies and gentlemen, I would love to introduce a good friend of mine to help sing the next news story.
44:11Please welcome Timu Dolly Parton
44:16Hi, y'all!
44:21Wow!
44:22Thank you, Dolly. Would you help me sing the next news story?
44:25Sure can, little man!
44:27Hit it!
44:36Baby, I stuffed that up too, didn't I? Here we go!
44:42Jesus!
44:46We'll hit the miss chorus.
44:47Okay!
44:51But in you...
44:52Oh no!
44:53I've really blown this one!
44:54Hey, do you want to start this one again as well?
44:56Is that okay? Can we do that?
44:58Hey, we'll start...
44:58Hey!
45:04This is my show, we can start again though.
45:06We can do it again, great.
45:07It's okay.
45:07I thought it was going very smooth, that one.
45:09Who would have thought that the gout, gout miss wouldn't have been the low point of the whole...
45:15Are you ready?
45:16I think we're ready!
45:17Hit it!
45:22Baby, here's the story that just would not die.
45:26The powerful and the rich getting away with crimes.
45:31Everybody knew there was something going on.
45:39Flying people over on a little plane, trying to cover it up for so long, it was insane.
45:48Everybody knew there was something going on.
45:57Everyone involved should be incarcerated.
46:02Throw away their key, get them castrated.
46:28We're ready!
46:33Let's go!
46:34Let's go!
46:35Let's go!
46:36Let's go!
46:37Let's go!
46:39Let's go!
46:40Let's go!
46:42Let's go!
46:53Encore!
46:54Encore!
46:54Encore?
46:55Well, I tell you what, as any great performer does, you sing your hits for your encore.
46:59So hit it!
47:07Well, she's the one you'd never taught, she's the kind you wouldn't want to make your dinner.
47:16And now she's found a place, she's been locked up by the state-plated pin.
47:23Mushroom lady, whoa, whoa, whoa, mushroom lady.
47:30We're talking about that mushroom lady.
47:34You wouldn't eat her fungi.
47:42Thank you so much.
47:44Would you please thank Oliver Clark and Dolly, a.k.a. Franky McNair with The Lose Down,
47:50back in a moment with The Wheel of Segments.
48:08I spin the wheel and whatever it lands on, that is the segment we do.
48:12People getting pushed into a Christmas tree!
48:14Oh my god!
48:15A spoon or fork?
48:16It's gotta be a fork.
48:17What if I say fork?
48:18I don't know.
48:19Synchronised swimmers.
48:23Beers with make a fork.
48:25Beers with making beer.
48:27It's stuffed on rickshaw karaoke.
48:29I miss you, I sleep.
48:32There's nothing romantic about the hours I keep.
48:36Oh no.
48:37Slur or not a slur?
48:38Sam, you are a huge f***er.
48:42Get him out of here, mate.
48:43As fighting intensifies in the Penguin Wars.
48:46Celia Roundhouse kicks an audience member, I think.
48:48Oh, okay.
48:49Oh!
48:50WWF it's landed on.
48:5220% chance of rain.
48:53And a 100% chance of pain!
48:57Oh!
48:57Oh my god!
49:00One, two, three!
49:04This show is f***ed.
49:08Welcome back.
49:09But just before we're finished for the final time this year,
49:13it's time for the...
49:15Wheel of Segments!
49:17That's right.
49:19Wheel of Segments.
49:21Brought to you this week by Thai crematoriums.
49:25Anyway, here we go.
49:27Let's see what we've got.
49:28Oh!
49:29Everyone say that.
49:32Becky Lucas.
49:34I'll explain.
49:35You know how it works.
49:36Whatever it lands on, that's the segment that we do.
49:38Yeah, I...
49:38You were here for Spoonful, the first season.
49:40I got it.
49:40Yeah, okay.
49:42Probably didn't need to explain that.
49:43These are our two most requested segments of the year,
49:47all right, and it's Christmas,
49:47so we figured why not give them both a really good chance.
49:50So, let's just see what happens and we'll give it a spin.
49:53All right?
49:54There it is!
49:59You did Spoonful, didn't you?
50:00Yeah, I did Spoonful.
50:01Yeah, that was a breakout hit of Seg 1.
50:03And, yeah, it's...
50:06Usually we have all other segments to talk about,
50:08but tonight it's just this one.
50:10What are you hoping it lands on?
50:12Well, I say this.
50:13Rickshaw karaoke I got to do with The Great Tim Rogers,
50:16which was a big thrill.
50:17But you've always wanted to physically harm me, so...
50:19I've always wanted to push you into a Christmas tree,
50:21so let's just see what happens here.
50:23It's getting...
50:24So, rickshaw karaoke or people getting pushed into a Christmas tree,
50:29it's gonna be one of them.
50:30Does it always take this...
50:32Yeah, it's usually...
50:34Usually we run out of things to talk about
50:36and that's happened again tonight, Becky.
50:38So, hold on.
50:39It's getting close.
50:41Oh, could be Christmas tree.
50:42Could be...
50:44Rickshaw karaoke.
50:45It could be...
50:48Whoa!
50:53I can't believe it.
50:55It's a...
50:55It's a tie.
50:56It's a tie.
50:57It's a tie that's never happened before.
51:02He's gonna run me over with a rickshaw.
51:05You never know.
51:07Anyway, it's a tie.
51:08It's never happened before.
51:09I guess we've got no choice.
51:11Jingle all the way.
51:13Oh, what fun it is to ride on a one-horse open sleigh.
51:18Hey, help me out, George.
51:20We wish you a Merry Christmas.
51:22We wish you a Merry Christmas.
51:24We wish you a Merry Christmas
51:26and a Happy New Year.
51:28Yeah!
51:37That, amazingly, is our show.
51:39Big thanks to our guests, Cordia Carbon, Mel C, Tom Cashman,
51:43Oliver Clarke, Frankie McNair, my special guest announcer, Becky Lucas.
51:46Yes!
51:47Conan O'Brien, Russell Tro, Robert Irwin, Will Anderson.
51:51Nick, Sophia, Hawthorne, everyone at Channel 10.
51:54Our incredible production team, John, The General and Alfie.
51:58SB, MG, Rosie, Jo Beth, Georgie Tara, Mo Wise, Little Walker, Errol Charlie,
52:03Kev, Jeff, Ash, Jordan, Ben, and Contagious George.
52:07Good night, Australia.
52:08See you next year.
52:09Bye for now.
52:10Go!
52:26Go!
52:26Get out, get out, get out.
52:30Let's hear if this happens.
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