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00:24We did it, Gerard! Empty, uninhabited land!
00:29Natives may have been here, sir.
00:31Oh, my dear paranoid fusspot, do you see any natives around?
00:36Well, that could have been left by wild animals.
00:39Ah, look, a large mammal that's capable of shedding its fur.
00:43Incredible, sir.
00:45Gerard, the oar! Quickly! Quickly, man. Here we go.
00:49Yes, thank you, best friend.
00:53By order of the king, I hereby claim this land
00:57for His Majesty, King George.
00:59Oh, the settlers will be so excited. Let's release the celebratory rabbits.
01:02Yes, yes, yes, yes.
01:04Oh, oh, oh.
01:06Bunnikins and Flopsy will provide healthy recreation for our new settlement.
01:11Oh, oh, farewell, adorable vermin.
01:16Oh, oh, have fun getting shot at for sport.
01:19All right. Now go forth and multiply. Such a sustainable choice.
01:25Shall we release the cane toads as well, sir?
01:29Tomorrow.
01:30Hmm. Come on. Come on. Cuddle time is over.
01:34Come on, Gerard, sing the song.
01:36Two best friends. Two bunny friends. Two best bunny friends.
01:42Oh, they can't leave me. They'll never leave me.
01:45Two best friends. Two bunny friends.
01:47They'll never leave me. But they have to leave me.
01:49I think it's time, sir.
01:51All right. Goodbye. Goodbye.
02:05What can people do in the country?
02:07Like, should we take up a hobby?
02:11Bushwalking or... Bird watching?
02:12Yeah. Fishing.
02:14No, we can do it. We can swim.
02:15No, we can't.
02:16Yep. No, no, we can't, Kate. No.
02:18No, we can't. According to the farmers' markets,
02:20this is home to a particularly spiteful family of bull sharks.
02:23And jellyfish and algae. Look.
02:26No, no!
02:27Kate, don't. Let me check the shark out.
02:29There's no bull sharks. No jellyfish.
02:31There's nothing even remotely dangerous about these waters. Look.
02:33Yoo-hoo!
02:34Oh, hi, hi!
02:36We're the neighbours!
02:39Hello.
02:40Richard!
02:41Joy!
02:44We're coming over!
02:45Jim, take us over.
02:49It's electric!
02:50Lovely to finally meet you.
02:51We were wondering who owned this vast...
02:54...land.
02:55Hardly vast.
02:56But we have been away.
02:58We've just come back from the most wonderful round-the-world cruise.
03:03How lovely.
03:04Do you cruise?
03:06No!
03:07No, actually.
03:09No.
03:10Have you been here long?
03:11Oh, well, you could say that.
03:14Richard is descended from the town's founder, Gerard Larkin.
03:18Wow!
03:20Gerard Larkin founded the town?
03:22Ha!
03:23Why, I could bore you all day with details on why she's wrong.
03:25For starters, I was the one first off the landing party.
03:28I put my foot down, and I remember it because I got soggy socks for a week.
03:31And I'm sixth generation, so you could say we've always been here.
03:35Oh, no.
03:36Oh, wow.
03:38With the colony in need of new pastures for livestock, the governor had approved an expedition to settle the fertile
03:43lands beyond the three water holes.
03:45Well, well, well, let me tell you how that went, Catherine.
03:48Not very well, Gerard.
03:49I'm sure you've noticed that our mutual boundaries and dire straits...
03:56It was, of course, a great honour to be chosen to lead the party.
03:59Oh, sorry.
04:00I just tripped.
04:01Fixing the fence?
04:02Yeah, that's right.
04:03I've got a couple of quotes.
04:04Looks like it's gonna come in at 40.
04:06Dollars?
04:0840,000.
04:09Dollars?
04:09Dollars.
04:10But split between two.
04:12It's only 20 grand each.
04:13Sound reasonable?
04:20No, there's literally not 20K in here for a stupid fence.
04:24I mean, they're well off, can't we just cry poor?
04:27Oh, I'm not a fan of crying poor to rich white people, no.
04:30But you are poor.
04:31Your man is also born, Adel, or he'd be fixing the fence himself.
04:34Don't give him the satisfaction.
04:35Larkin's a sketchy ass.
04:37What do you know?
04:38Nothing.
04:39Snitches get stitches and stitches can get heavily infected.
04:42Wait, what do you know?
04:42Nothing.
04:44What happens on private property between a man, a woman, and their dog is I don't want
04:48to talk about it.
04:49The Larkins were low-down sheep-duffered.
04:52And worse, Protestants.
04:56The Larkins stole my radishes.
04:59They did not.
05:00Oh my goodness.
05:01I think you're all forgetting that the Larkins are very rich and therefore better people.
05:05My fiancé Roland was a Larkin.
05:08General consensus is the Larkins are terrible.
05:10Give or take Miranda's fiancé.
05:11Okay, look.
05:12The Larkins may be cringe and everything, but they are our neighbours.
05:15So why don't we just invite them over to drinks and we can blow smoke up their butts.
05:19Okay, but no crying poor?
05:20No, no.
05:20No crying poor.
05:22Crying...
05:23nice.
05:24Deal.
05:25Ugh.
05:25I love crying.
05:26So it's a dinner party then?
05:28I love crying at dinner parties.
05:31Hey guys!
05:33Notice you've got some jungly patches, so we're lending you the beast.
05:38Yeah.
05:41Cost an absolute bomb, but she purrs.
05:45Meow.
05:45Woof, woof, woof, woof.
05:47Woof, woof, woof.
05:48Woof, woof, woof.
05:48No rape-shed leg.
05:50There you go, sweetheart.
05:53I'm sure you've noticed our little vineyard by the way.
05:56Yeah.
05:57We stomp the grapes with our own bare feet.
06:01Mmm.
06:01Mmm.
06:02Cheers.
06:03Cheers.
06:04Mmm.
06:06Mmm.
06:07We named it Gerard's Grapes after Richard's famous ancestor.
06:11Mmm.
06:12It's really, um...
06:13It's like zesty.
06:15Mmm.
06:15The obfuscation continues!
06:17Why, this portrait is, well, shall we say, very flattering.
06:21Mmm.
06:22Your uncle seemed a bit of a sad character.
06:25You know, reclusive.
06:27I never met him.
06:28He was on my dad's side, so...
06:29And your mother is...
06:32Indian?
06:33First Nations.
06:34Of course.
06:35How lovely.
06:35Oh.
06:37Do you know the Johnsons?
06:38They're the Aboriginal family in town.
06:40No, I don't.
06:42No.
06:42That portrait is far smoother of skin and bushy of moustache
06:45than when I knew Gerard when he was busy not founding the town.
06:50The man was a pleb.
06:53This is so yum.
06:54Do you mind if I grab a top?
06:55I'll go for your life.
06:56The 2022 is an amazing finish, doesn't it?
06:59Yes.
07:00Yes.
07:01So good.
07:11I need you to distract Gideon for me.
07:14Okay.
07:15Gideon.
07:16What?
07:18Spit it out, man.
07:21What is this?
07:22What are you doing?
07:22Stop that.
07:23Stop you.
07:24I need you to listen to your story.
07:26Yeah.
07:26Please.
07:27I'll buy you a metal detector.
07:29What?
07:29It detects metal.
07:30What?
07:31Gold is a metal.
07:33Oh.
07:35Hmm.
07:36Gideon.
07:38To hear your story would be an honour.
07:40Please talk at me.
07:42Finally.
07:45Joy.
07:46Joy.
07:46Would you like to come over here and tell me more about the Grenache key?
07:49Aren't you gorgeous?
07:51Aren't you gorgeous?
07:51It's Grenache.
07:52Just like how much light this place gets.
07:54You, uh, are you a dog man sure?
07:58Uh, I'm a turtle man.
08:00Yeah, I had turtles as a kid.
08:03Yeah.
08:04I had a gorgeous Kilpie once.
08:06Mm-hmm.
08:07Grover.
08:08Yeah.
08:10I'm a Kilpie man.
08:11Uh-oh.
08:13Yeah.
08:14He just ran away one day.
08:17It's possible I loved him too much.
08:23The thing is, we're like six months off opening the guest house.
08:26Twelve.
08:26Twelve.
08:27Twelve months, really.
08:28Um, yeah.
08:29And then after that, once the revenue starts coming in, we're more than happy to pay for the fence.
08:32What?
08:33Well, Richard and I have had a little chat and we're happy to cover the costs.
08:40Really?
08:40Mm-hmm.
08:41Really?
08:41I mean, really.
08:42That's very generous.
08:43See?
08:44Wonderful rich people.
08:46There's always a catch with the proddies.
08:48I'm not taking me eye after these two.
08:49We'll just need to move the fence back to where it belongs, two birds and all that.
08:54Sorry?
08:55Mm-hmm.
08:55Oh, that sad old thing's built three metres too close to our house.
08:59Oh, too close?
09:02Hmm.
09:02Uh, you can't even see the fence from your place.
09:05Look, a bit of a tits-up, honestly.
09:07Our son Dickie Jr. did the work.
09:09Dickie!
09:09I mean, very talented, very fast.
09:13Just a little too fast.
09:14Nearly as fast as Grovy.
09:16You know I whistle?
09:17He'd be all over me in a flash and jumping up and licking and nibbling.
09:20No, Richard.
09:22You want my land?
09:25Well, yes.
09:28You know, spiritually, your land.
09:30But technically, you know.
09:32Legally ours.
09:43As it transpired, the land around Ram's Head wasn't completely uninhabited.
09:48Are you all right?
09:49This is helping me listen.
09:51Just so you know, that gesture is quite offensive to Anglo-Saxons.
09:58There was an incident at one of our spiffy new fences.
10:06Hello, chaps.
10:08Good morning.
10:08What's this?
10:10Kangaroo or a possum, perhaps?
10:13Hmm?
10:13May I?
10:15Hmm.
10:17Oh, yummy.
10:19Gerard, do you remember that Spanish barbacoa?
10:21I dare say this is even better.
10:23That's mutton, sir.
10:25They killed one of our sheep.
10:28They must be punished.
10:30Oh.
10:30Oh, I see.
10:32Well, my dear impetuous hothead, the King's orders are to establish cordial relations with
10:36the natives.
10:36The picture cards, Gerard.
10:39There you go.
10:40Yes.
10:41Uh.
10:41Oh.
10:42Sally.
10:43Broke her hip.
10:44Don't ride roos.
10:46Um.
10:47Ah.
10:48Sheep.
10:49Fluffy.
10:49Moronic.
10:50Delicious.
10:51Barbacoa.
10:52But they're ours, you see.
10:54And the punishment for theft is...
10:59Where's the hanging card?
11:00Tonight.
11:01It should be in there.
11:02The, um...
11:03Uh.
11:04Man.
11:05Go.
11:06Bye-bye.
11:07Uh.
11:09Uh.
11:09Uh.
11:10Uh.
11:12Yes, yes, yes, I know.
11:13Rather nasty business, isn't it?
11:15But, uh, worry not.
11:16Uh, since I have claimed this land for the crown, uh, you're now subjects of the king.
11:22Which means that you're now under king's law.
11:25You're king.
11:26Our land.
11:27Oh.
11:28The, uh, the king's English.
11:29Bravo, sir.
11:29You block our water holes.
11:31You block our hunting.
11:32Uh.
11:32Well, uh, how about this, my noble friend.
11:34I-I'll write to the governor.
11:36How long's that gonna take?
11:37Uh.
11:38Well, uh, he may need to write back to his majesty in England.
11:41So it should only take about a year or two.
11:44And in the meantime, I'll let you chaps off with a warning.
11:47No.
11:48This is us letting you off with a warning.
11:50Oh.
11:51That's a threat, sir.
11:53There may be some discontents if you just let them off.
11:56Oh, Piers.
11:56No, this is going to be a wonderful exchange.
11:58We'll teach them to be civilized.
12:00And they'll teach us some delicious recipes.
12:02I-I say, what's the secret seasoning?
12:04Salt bush and stolen land.
12:07Uh.
12:07Uh.
12:07It means piss off and don't come back.
12:11Oh.
12:11Piss.
12:12Piss off.
12:13Piss.
12:13Is that a spice?
12:21Piss.
12:24Piss.
12:25Piss.
12:27Piss.
12:29Piss.
12:30Piss.
12:32Piss.
12:34Piss.
12:34Where are they?
12:36I'm starving.
12:37It's rude.
12:38And do you know the Johnsons?
12:40Come on.
12:41I don't know.
12:42I thought Richard's dog thing was a red flag.
12:45Oh my God, that wine.
12:47Makes me need a drink.
12:49Alright.
12:51Guys, these are all the property docs that I could find.
12:53Everyone pick a page and read.
12:55Except for Eileen.
12:57Who can't read.
12:58I can read a room.
13:01Let me tell you, there's a big secret the shiny woman's keeping from the Morby looking fella.
13:06Amazing, what is it?
13:07Who would I know only God above can read names?
13:11Their kid's a meth head.
13:12Oh.
13:13I will not tell you any more than that.
13:16Tell us more.
13:16Dick Larkin Junior was one of my biggest customers.
13:19How do you remember him?
13:20No wonder he built that bed so fast.
13:22I don't know if I can mention the addict's son.
13:24I think that's kinda mean.
13:25What was he addicted to?
13:26And please do not say the love of a loyal canine.
13:29This is why you're going to lose
13:30with your sad little middle-class feelings, Kate.
13:33I'm not going to lose anything
13:34because I used to be a really good lawyer
13:36and now I'm a really good lawyer
13:38who's really, really annoyed.
13:40Hey, that's it. Drink up, drink up.
13:43Take your medicine.
13:45That'll put some fear in your belly.
13:48Oh, yes.
13:50Now, new settlements require not just a heroic founder,
13:55but also a brilliant magistrate.
13:57Unfortunately for the unruly settlers,
14:00I was both.
14:04Order! Order!
14:08This crime is punishable by hanging.
14:11The natives killed a sheep
14:12and made some truly inspired barbacoa
14:14and you ungrateful settlers hunted them down
14:16and remorselessly dispatched several members of their tribe.
14:19Order! Order!
14:21Order!
14:25You have murdered subjects of the king.
14:27A good hanging is the only way you'll learn.
14:29I'm excited!
14:30Sir, are you sure you want to take the side
14:34of those filthy savages
14:36over your own kind?
14:37You mean noble natives
14:39and you'll find that this execution projects strength,
14:42rule of law, that sort of thing.
14:44Oh.
14:45This is not just a...
14:46This is not just a...
14:49Good point, sir.
14:51The people may despise you,
14:53but that's a small price to pay for justice.
14:59Then again,
15:02Merci is a virtue.
15:05On this one occasion,
15:07I will let you naughty chaps off with a warning,
15:09but if it happens again.
15:17What's that?
15:22The kiss
15:23of death.
15:32And thus,
15:33the harmony of our fledgling settlement
15:35was maintained.
15:37Are you following, June?
15:38Two best friends.
15:40Two Barney friends.
15:42Yes.
15:42Two best Barney friends.
15:45Oh, you are listening.
15:46And what else?
15:48Pesceph.
15:48Yes.
15:50Pesceph.
15:50That delicious spice
15:52that they must have used
15:53on the barbecuer.
15:55The fence is definitely
15:57in the wrong place.
15:58Ask anyone in town.
15:59Speaking as a lawyer,
16:00that's a little anecdotal for me.
16:02I might go into local council tomorrow
16:03and take a look at the original surveys.
16:05Yeah.
16:06Just dropped the word lawyer in the convo.
16:07Nice one, Kate.
16:08Speaking as a councillor,
16:10we have some serious doubts
16:12about two outsiders
16:13opening a hotel
16:15in our little village.
16:16It's just not in keeping
16:17with the local character.
16:18And an immediate riposte.
16:20Sorry, you've got a problem
16:21with the hotel now?
16:23Oh, sorry.
16:25It's a little...
16:27power.
16:27Whatever doubts you may have, Joy,
16:29I doubt you want to go to court.
16:31Court?
16:31Who said anything about court?
16:33Yeah, who did say anything?
16:34Well, at the very least,
16:34your son built a dodgy fence
16:36and you neglected it for years,
16:37so you'd be paying for the fence
16:39and our legal fees.
16:41Okay.
16:42You're being very aggressive right now.
16:44Richard, come.
16:46Oh, back to the doghouse.
16:48I wish.
16:50What?
16:51I have a secret,
16:52but I'm keeping it,
16:52I'm keeping it really secret,
16:53so what, uh, watch.
16:55We tried to be nice,
16:56but if I have anything to do
16:57with it,
16:58your little hotel
16:59will never see a guest.
17:02Richard!
17:03Honestly,
17:03they're just starting
17:04to give rich people
17:05a bad name.
17:10Oh, God,
17:11I regret it,
17:11I regret it,
17:12I regret that,
17:12I regret that.
17:17What's the name?
17:18This looks serious.
17:19Yeah.
17:20Yeah.
17:21Well,
17:21I need to prove
17:22the original boundary lines,
17:23surveys,
17:24maps,
17:25anything.
17:26Yes, yes, yes,
17:27to prove that I founded the town.
17:29Oi,
17:29clearly you didn't found the town.
17:31That's where my old snack
17:31was just lock and dig.
17:32Oh, no,
17:33bad lies.
17:34Yes, that's right,
17:35exactly.
17:36Oh, I've got up this old...
17:38Guys, guys,
17:38I have a raging sulfite headache,
17:40so if you're not going to be helpful,
17:41can you just drift off?
17:42Drift off, right?
17:43Yeah, you should drift off.
17:45They're wrong, Catherine,
17:45I swear to you.
17:47Nothing else.
17:49I did my duty.
18:04The natives are burning
18:05the farmhouses down.
18:06You have to arm the men.
18:08I did panic and worry, Ward.
18:10I don't know what they've
18:11got in a lather about.
18:12I gave these naughty settlers
18:13a stern warning.
18:14The natives don't understand.
18:16You have to go out
18:18and speak to them, sir.
18:19Now?
18:20They seem rather heated.
18:22You're the only one
18:23that can fix this, sir.
18:25They offered you mutton once,
18:26they'll do it again.
18:28They respect you, sir,
18:30just as much as I do.
18:32Yes.
18:34Yes, yes, yes,
18:35I suppose you're right.
18:38You're a hero.
18:39You are.
18:40Thank you, Tron.
18:41You'll go down in history, sir.
18:48Excuse me, chaps.
18:50What say we sort this out, eh?
18:52You there.
18:53You, there, there.
18:54Get down.
19:00That didn't go quite as well
19:02as I'd hoped.
19:04You're all right, sir.
19:05We'll get that thing
19:06out of you in a jiffy.
19:08You just have a little lie down there.
19:10Thank you, Tron.
19:11You always were my most faithful friend.
19:15What's that smell?
19:20All right, lads.
19:22Now, now, let's not escalate things any further.
19:25I said stand down, you rapscallions.
19:27Get out there.
19:28No mercy, lads.
19:31Ain't you?
19:33Clean up this mess.
19:37Dron!
19:49Wow.
19:51So he set you up and started a war.
19:54What?
19:54No, that's not what happened.
19:56No, he was my closest ally.
19:58Oh, no, he ate in you, Gov.
20:00Behind your back, he called you all sorts of things.
20:02No, nothing, blowhard.
20:03Old men and koala shagga.
20:04Yeah, and after that, he'd start insulting you.
20:07So many nights.
20:08Wait, so you're all working for Gerard?
20:09Oh, no, no, we want to know part of the bloke.
20:11No, not us, definitely not.
20:13Oh, we're sorry, Kate, please forgive us.
20:14Please forgive us.
20:15We didn't mean anything about it.
20:16Sorry.
20:17Mob were fighting for their lives.
20:19I am not dealing with white ghost guilt right now.
20:21Yeah, Kate, that's what I've been saying.
20:24I'm so sorry.
20:25Sorry.
20:26God.
20:28Boy, you better retract that thing before I retract it for you.
20:31Oh, relax.
20:32I'm not on your property.
20:34And you never will be, because you are a pair of land-grabbing gubbas.
20:38Gubbas?
20:39That's what the Johnson school is.
20:40Oh, Richard, don't listen to her.
20:41She's unhinged.
20:43Where's your evidence?
20:44The evidence is buried under that tree.
20:46She's a murderer too.
20:47What?
20:48So who are you talking to?
20:50There is a body buried under that tree.
20:53What are you talking about?
20:54What am I talking about?
20:55Well, I am going to tell you what I'm talking about.
20:58She got the dog.
20:58The family got the dog.
20:59The dog.
21:00She got the dog.
21:01Fifteen years ago, you ran over your pet Kelpie on purpose.
21:05Or maybe it was accidentally.
21:07And then in the middle of the night, you buried him under that tree, which is not as bad as
21:10that.
21:10But you know what?
21:11It's still pretty bad.
21:12Bad.
21:13You ran over Grover with the family Land Rover.
21:16Darling, it was an accident.
21:17I knew it.
21:18You never liked him.
21:19Okay, look, and I was allergic to dogs, but did you care?
21:23No.
21:24Fifteen years without a dog.
21:25I loved that dog.
21:27What a load of...
21:28I remember Grover.
21:29It was a good little boy he was.
21:32Katie, I'm very sorry for all the upset today.
21:35The fence can stay where it is.
21:37Oh, Richard, no!
21:49There's your mower.
21:50Oh.
21:51Go fed.
22:11I must say, Catherine, you were quite brave facing down those Larkins, defending your
22:16land.
22:16Oh.
22:17So it's my land now, is it?
22:19Well, let's be clear.
22:20I was here first.
22:21Well, you weren't, though, were you?
22:23And I am not from here either.
22:25And I'm taking time to pay my respects to the people who were, so if you'd like to.
22:40I do have some regrets for my actions, you know.
22:44Like?
22:45Well, I could have built your people a little gate for the waterhole.
22:48Oh.
22:50Gideon, are there any bigger regrets that spring to mind?
22:54Well, I should have gifted them some rabbits.
22:56And I never wrote down that recipe for the barbecuer.
22:59Gideon, if we're going to keep living together, you're going to have to learn to stop talking
23:02and think.
23:05Yeah.
23:05No, no.
23:06Yeah.
23:07No, no, no.
23:09Gideon.
23:16I'm sorry.
23:51I'm sorry.
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