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00:02Ooh, what's a bush bulletin? A bush bulletin! That's exciting!
00:05A bush bulletin? What's a bush bulletin?
00:07It's a laminated piece of paper that you read in the bush.
00:10All right. What is that?
00:12Big f***ing ant on your head. Ant on deck.
00:32Sorry.
00:33Welcome. Sorry.
00:36And among tonight's fallen stars, Idris Elba can't quite believe what he's hearing.
00:42Don't worry about it. You're a monk's friend.
00:44In my head!
00:44Paul Rudd is faced with a disaster that takes the biscuit.
00:49It's fine.
00:51And Steve Backshaw finds fans that are hungry for fame.
00:55Water! Ah! He just got my wetsuit!
00:59So let's commence the cock-ups.
01:05We start with a trip to Coronation Street, and it's their biggest plot twist yet.
01:12Faye'll never agree to that. You're not going to tell her, are you?
01:16Well, she's not going to find out, is she?
01:17Miley's her daughter.
01:19Yeah, and Miley's my granddaughter, and I want to see her.
01:21Tim, you can't do this.
01:22And I need you to promise me that you're not going to tell her.
01:24I don't think I can do that.
01:25You promised her, didn't you? And you're my husband.
01:27I'm not.
01:31Well, I did not see that coming.
01:33Well, you know, it's a modern world, isn't it?
01:39Tonight, where Helen Skelton is in the beautiful Lake District.
01:43She's after money-saving tips to get away from this blissful calm and onto a cheap package holiday.
01:50Ooh, gosh, I can't imagine why.
01:52You look on a travel agent website, or one of the companies, and they're suggesting you go to Barcelona on
01:57this day.
01:58Yes.
01:58You're saying, go back and look yourself for those flights.
02:01OK.
02:02Yeah, because it's giving you one hotel and one set of dates.
02:05But actually, what they're telling you is there's deals to be...
02:11Wow!
02:13That's not a package flight.
02:16That was sensational flights.
02:18Whoa!
02:19Ah, so that's why she wants to get out of the lakes.
02:22Compared to here, even Magaluf would be quiet.
02:25Yeah!
02:25That's cheap deals.
02:28Over to Emmerdale.
02:30And a scene so emotional, it made me reach for the tissues.
02:33If only Leila had done the same.
02:37You're the woman I love.
02:39And I love you so much.
02:41I do.
02:43So I'm...
02:44I'm going to go to rehab.
02:46For as long as it takes.
02:49I'm going to save this marriage.
02:54That's it, Leila.
02:55Why bother with a Kleenex when you can just use Dr Liam's lapel?
03:01You just...
03:03Would you snort at me?
03:04You snorting on me?
03:05Such a...
03:06Such a...
03:10It's back to the 1980s for Changing Ends, Alan Carr's sitcom about his childhood.
03:16There's an old showbiz saying, never work with children or animals.
03:20But in my experience, it's the adults you have to watch out for.
03:25Anything nice for lunch?
03:27I'm starving.
03:29Toast.
03:31Bit boring.
03:33When I had diarrhoea, Mum made a strudel and we watched the thorn birds.
03:37Little Alan is nailing it.
03:38He's a star in the making.
03:42Oh, well, at least do us a cup of tea, will ya?
03:49Sicky's never lived up to the Repspector.
03:51Sorry.
03:54I'm sorry.
03:55Alan, how can you forget the lines you wrote them?
03:57Damn!
03:58I'm so sorry.
04:01Over to Love Island, my favourite.
04:04I just love, love, love.
04:07In this episode, Jesse is on a hot date with farmer Will.
04:11He's nervous, but some friends from work have come to give him moral support.
04:14Do alpacas spit on people?
04:17They do.
04:18They do.
04:18Yeah, I thought so.
04:19Yeah, I thought so.
04:38It's Gwed, which as we all know means go ahead in Scouse.
04:43I did not have to look that up on Wikipedia, I promise.
04:47Young actors are amazing.
04:48They really throw themselves into their roles.
04:58I hope the producers weren't planning to return that bed after the shoot.
05:04Filming in the Bahamas, normally I'd be jealous of a presenter like Steve Backshall doing this,
05:09but it turns out that there is a catch.
05:12And the catch is him.
05:14They're drawn in from down current of us by their sense of smell, which is unbelievably strong.
05:22Their nares or nostrils can detect one single drop of blood in an Olympic swimming pool-sized area of water.
05:30He just got my wetsuit.
05:35Oops.
05:36Look at that.
05:38I've got a war wound in my wetsuit.
05:43Maybe I won't sit quite so close to the edge next time.
05:46That's probably for the best.
05:57Time for the weather now, as we head down under to Australia for a forecast.
06:01And this presenter is obsessed with the east, but it's the west he should be worried about.
06:07There's why we've got clear skies in the east, that high-pressure system,
06:10cold air behind the front that came through over the last couple of days.
06:13It means that the east is dry, but cold.
06:19Excuse me.
06:20I told you, you never know what will blow in from the west.
06:24There it goes again.
06:27That's a new one.
06:28Great, yeah.
06:29Just a cameo from one of our robots there.
06:31Yes, even studio equipment wants to be famous these days.
06:35That robot camera has more Instagram followers than I do.
06:38For one, our robot overlords are fine by me.
06:42Right?
06:43OK, weather, we're back to it.
06:46Now, over to BBC Look North, where earlier in the day they experienced problems with their weather map.
06:52Luckily, their presenters are all consummate professionals.
06:57Anyway, at lunchtime, his equipment wasn't working.
07:00Is it repaired?
07:03Well, I think you'll find my 10-week daughter proves there's nothing wrong with my equipment, Peter.
07:09Well, you asked.
07:12Right, let's just have the thought.
07:13I seriously need danger money for doing this programme.
07:16Sorry, I'm off on a tangent there.
07:18I can only assume weatherman Paul was sleep-deprived.
07:21The weather is cloudy with a chance of P-45s.
07:28ITV's very own Laura Tobin.
07:30And she may think that the pressure is low, but in the studio, it's rising to high.
07:35And like winds, the outlook isn't really changing very much.
07:39Low pressure brings wet and windy weather. It stays well to our south.
07:43High pressure brings settled conditions and that influences that...
07:46Richard! Richard!
07:48Thank you, I'm in the middle of the weather. How rude!
07:50Who could have forecast that Laura would end up grilling bacon?
07:54There's lots of weather to hear about.
07:56Er, so, the winds, now it's quiet.
07:58Easterly, it brings up cool conditions through eastern coast as we head through the next few days.
08:03Look at that picture!
08:05Oh, look at that!
08:06You know what, as the knights are drawing in now,
08:08scenes like this really do lift you, don't they?
08:10And this is the scene just a couple of days ago in Rome, and...
08:13Yeah, sunshine lifts me when it's over here, Matt.
08:16But not when it's being hogged by a load of golfers in Rome.
08:19We'll see temperatures climb into the high 20s, and with just a gentle wind as well,
08:24it is going to be very pleasant indeed. Now, I seem to be having a few issues with my clicker.
08:29It's not moving on.
08:31Hey, wait a minute, let's...
08:32Let me just grab another one, just jump out the way.
08:35There we go, let's see if that moves it on.
08:38Nope, nothing's moving at all, but never mind, yes.
08:40At Rome, it's going to be fine.
08:41Matt is probably hoping he's still asleep and just having a bad dream.
08:45Sorry, Matt, I'm afraid this nightmare is real!
08:49I love how everything is in your head.
08:52It's all there, just not behind me.
08:54It's just not there.
08:55It's better in your head and out of your mouth than just on pictures.
08:58Oh, look, look what happened there.
08:59There it goes, there you go.
09:01Better late than never.
09:03Don't worry, Matt, a lot of people's clickers take a while to get going in the morning.
09:09Now, don't worry if, unlike me, you don't sprechen sie Deutsch.
09:13Some cock-ups just speak for themselves.
09:20It's funny for us, but not for my German pen pal, who went out without a coat and got wet
09:24lederhosen.
09:28BBC North West are about to demonstrate why having a weather presenter in the family
09:32isn't all it's cracked up to be.
09:34Becoming a little cooler, more to average for the time of year.
09:37And that's your forecast for now.
09:39Cool, so thank you very much.
09:42So, what have you got up at the weekend? Anything exciting?
09:44Oh, my niece's surprise birthday party.
09:47Oh, that's lovely.
09:47Yeah, so that'll be nice and fun.
09:48But not a surprise if she's watching this.
09:50Oh, goodness me, I've spoiled this.
09:56Well, it won't be the first birthday party to be ruined by the weather.
10:03Over to Australia, where they do like to turn things a little upside down.
10:08Well, cheers, Ton A.
10:09No worries.
10:10Now, with a look at the weather, here is Nate Byrne.
10:15I think we'll get to Nate eventually.
10:18Do you want me to step in?
10:19Yeah, maybe we need a bit more of Tony, I don't know.
10:22Hang on, hang on.
10:23No, you can't just have a go at doing the weather.
10:26It's a very skilled job, which should only be attempted by qualified professionals.
10:31Yeah, tell us what's happening down in Melbourne today with the weather, Tony.
10:34Well, Melbourne, down here, sunny day today.
10:39I think we're getting to a top of 14.
10:40Well, you're in Australia, so hot is an easy guess.
10:44Apologies to all the people who want Outlook for everywhere else.
10:47Oh, no, hang on, hang on.
10:48I've actually got the auto-key here now.
10:50Oh, come on.
10:51Using the auto-key is just cheating.
10:54But those will be easing today as those winds carry a few more showers into the coast.
10:58Queensland has a chance of showers around the Torres Strait and for the south east coast and islands.
11:03But clear skies everywhere else means some widespread morning frost for the interior.
11:07And I don't know what that means.
11:08Oh, severe weather warnings.
11:09Gee whiz.
11:09I don't know what's going on behind me, Joe.
11:11I'm doing my best, though.
11:12I'm doing my best.
11:13Vancouver, we're all over the place.
11:16Tony Armstrong.
11:17Now, I'm not sure he's giving those severe weather warnings the serious treatment that they deserve.
11:22He's got it all going on.
11:23Cheers, Tony.
11:24I'm out.
11:25I think we'll have a little bit there.
11:27Ah, yeah.
11:28So, unfortunately, we didn't have Nate Byrne ready there.
11:32But, yeah, just terrific to have the man who can do anything, Tony Armstrong, filling in for a moment.
11:47Coming up, the always effervescent Morning Live team talk to Helen George about Call the Midwife,
11:53but end up wishing they could call for help.
11:58So, it's been a real privilege, and, yeah, I've got, only, I've had the most amazing experiences over the last
12:0413 years with it.
12:06But what will Helen find is not the most amazing experience?
12:10The midwife is set.
12:11We'll find out after the break.
12:24Welcome back for Interview Blunders.
12:27Before the break, we saw Helen George on Morning Live, and I asked, what will Helen find is not the
12:33most amazing experience?
12:34It's, it's amazing.
12:36You are, for sure, the star of the stage, but, quite frankly, Charlie's been the star of today's Morning Live.
12:42Charlie, stop it!
12:43He's busy now.
12:44Yeah, maybe this is a good time to say goodbye.
12:46Yeah, everyone.
12:47People are still eating their shortbread, Helen.
12:49And you can, er...
12:50Call the midwife, more like call the dog trainer.
12:54Thank you, Helen. Thank you.
12:55Charlie. Thank you.
12:56Moving on quickly.
12:58Have you finished your shortbread, Bab?
12:59Yeah, yes, absolutely.
13:01It's good, because I've got a question for you.
13:02Sorry, I don't know where to look.
13:03Yes, we were talking.
13:05Really creative.
13:06The wonderful Lorraine Kelly.
13:08She's the queen of daytime, but she is only human, and the divine Idris Elba has this effect on us
13:14all.
13:15Incredible, it really is.
13:16Now, Luke, you keep getting asked about James Bond.
13:18Yes.
13:18Can we turn it on its head?
13:19Because I think you would be an amazing baddie in James Bond.
13:24Really?
13:24Yes.
13:25I was going to say, I can see you stroking a bit, but I shouldn't really say that,
13:28because that's naughty and rude, and we'll take that out.
13:30Thank you very much.
13:32We're not going to put that in.
13:34I'll just say.
13:35It's too late now, Lorraine.
13:37I'm afraid you said it, and we must share it with everyone in the world.
13:41I've got it in my head, the image, but anyway, no.
13:43I'm so sorry.
13:44James Bond baddie you should be, never mind James Bond.
13:45Oh, I think the biggest baddie in this scene is you, Lorraine, naughty.
13:50Bad guys are just as iconic as the James Bond characters, aren't they?
13:54Exactly.
13:54Now, I'm just excited about being in a meme with you for the rest of our lives.
13:58High five.
13:59Oh, there we go.
14:00Oh, Lorraine.
14:02I'm so sorry.
14:04I'm so sorry.
14:05I am so bad.
14:07See, I can't help myself.
14:09Don't worry about it.
14:11You're amongst friends.
14:11In my head and then it comes out of it.
14:13You're amongst friends.
14:14You're amongst friends.
14:15We can never tell.
14:16It's our secret, right?
14:17Nobody ever has to say what was said on this set.
14:21Don't worry, Lorraine.
14:22I won't tell if you won't.
14:25Thanks for having me on your show.
14:26You're gorgeous.
14:28I'm so sorry.
14:29I'll have to go in my day, babe.
14:30I'll have to go in my day.
14:34LAUGHTER
14:35An interview with Jake Quickendon and a novel experience for my good friends,
14:39the Loose Women, as they learn what it's like not to be the loudest ones in the room.
14:44My son, Shane, Shane went to see him in Footloose, went to see you recently, didn't he?
14:49And he came back and he went, Mum, he was absolutely brilliant.
14:52And he would tell you the truth, because you are good friends.
14:54He thought he was brilliant.
14:56Whatever that noise is, Jake is doing a great job of ignoring it.
14:59I think because of trolling and stuff like that.
15:02Hi, baby. Hi, baby.
15:04Come on, Leah, let's get him in.
15:05Come in, I'm a little bit.
15:08Forget about Footloose, there's a child loose.
15:11Come on.
15:12Oh, that is the best.
15:14It's the best thing I've ever seen.
15:16You say that now, Colleen, but wait until he needs a nappy change.
15:21Did you want to see Teddy?
15:25Ireland AM have invited regular This Morning Chef Donal to talk about his life in the kitchen.
15:31But it won't be Donal who steams the blaze up.
15:33Oh, the air fryer.
15:34Now, what do you think about the air fryer?
15:36I think I enjoy, I like it.
15:39I like it.
15:41But the problem with me, I don't have a very big one.
15:43OK, so it's an air fryer, big air fryer.
15:46You both like that.
15:48Do you want to take this one or will I?
15:50No, no, you can take it.
15:51Alan isn't here for a very big one.
15:53I don't have a very big one.
15:53But you make it work.
15:54I'm in everything.
15:56Don't worry, Tommy.
15:57Tommy, I always say it's not your cubic capacity, it's how you handle your drawers.
16:01We came to talk about my book and I realise now we've made the Christmas bloopers.
16:07If I'm trying to satisfy four people.
16:10My word, that does sound like quite the dinner party.
16:13Oh, man must be worn out.
16:15It just doesn't all fit inside because it's not big enough.
16:18And that's the problem.
16:20Yes, I understand.
16:20It's my air fryer.
16:22Hey.
16:25Nice to meet you.
16:27Hi.
16:27Paul.
16:28Whoa.
16:29Josie and the team at This Morning have bagged an interview with A-list Hollywood star,
16:34the Paul Rudd.
16:36No pressure, Josie.
16:37No pressure.
16:38English breakfast?
16:40Oh, wait, after you, after you.
16:41I'll go first.
16:43I'm the guest.
16:44I'm the guest on the show.
16:45I've spilt mine.
16:46That part we'll cut out.
16:49Josie doesn't panic.
16:50She knows there's no point crying over actual spilled milk.
16:54And I'm sure she'll have much more luck with the biscuits.
16:57Here we go.
16:57Because suddenly that...
16:58Oh, no.
16:59Oh, great.
17:00All my biscuits.
17:01It's fine.
17:03Are you ready to drop in biscuits?
17:05That's another...
17:06You take that one, Paul.
17:07OK, this one that was just on the floor?
17:08It has been on the floor.
17:09Josie, first rule of being a good hostess,
17:12don't let your guest see you pick the biscuits up off the floor.
17:16This has been great.
17:18I really appreciate it.
17:19Thank you for giving me one of the biscuits that didn't hit the ground.
17:23It actually did, but there you go.
17:24I knew it.
17:26Something tells me Paul won't be coming back to Britain in a hurry.
17:31Live on Good Morning Britain as Susanna and Ben catch up with Ben Fogel
17:36about his reality show New Lives in the Wild.
17:40Something even wilder is happening in the studio.
17:42That's interesting you say that,
17:44because a lot of them are disappearing from a very busy society.
17:49Do people not end up feeling isolated and so dis...
17:54Someone did over there.
17:55I'm really sorry.
17:56Is everybody OK?
17:57They are OK, but wait until you banish them to the wilderness
18:01to live with Ben Fogel.
18:05The always eclectic The One Show.
18:08Although in this chat with ex-Death-in-Paradise star Ralph Little,
18:11even I was surprised by the conversation topic.
18:15Welcome both.
18:17Good to see you, good to see you.
18:18Ralph, loads of you have questions coming in,
18:20so I want to shoot this one at you.
18:21Kieran asks, will Neville ever get his happy ending?
18:29OK, I'll just mentally change gear.
18:32Yes, well, I don't know.
18:34I didn't change gear fast enough.
18:38Neville, I think what you mean is will he find some sort of love?
18:41I think that's what they mean.
18:42Yes, yeah, yeah.
18:43Neville, we joined Neville at the start of this series.
18:50At the start of this series.
18:52And he's very emotionally bruised from what happened
18:56at the end of last series.
18:58Bruised?
18:59Ralph, you're making it worse.
19:00Maybe Neville will get a happy ending.
19:04Good save, Ralph.
19:14Time for the news.
19:16It's a serious subject, so I'm sure there won't be any mistakes here.
19:19Hello and good afternoon.
19:21The Chancellor, Nadeem Zahawi, has said the country is in a national economic emergency
19:27which could last for two years, leaving even...
19:30News so bad, even the camera couldn't face it.
19:33I'm the same.
19:33Bad news always makes me drift off.
19:39This news station may be in the middle of a report,
19:41but that's no excuse for the newsreader to indulge in some online shopping.
19:49Apologies about that.
19:51This is what happens with live television.
19:54We can forgive her if she was buying another fabulous blouse.
20:00Reporter Jonathan Swain has been banished from the nice warm studio
20:04to report on a cold December morning.
20:06And if that wasn't enough to make him feel gloomy...
20:09..round the table at Christmas.
20:11Well, I think we...
20:12Oh, and the lights just falling down, so it's really...
20:14It's not just snowy here this morning, Kate.
20:16It's also fairly wintry here as well.
20:19And still he carries on.
20:21I'd have stormed off for a restorative Lapsang Souchong.
20:24A little bit cautious.
20:27BBC Breakfast and Charlie and Louise are being put off by something.
20:31What can it be?
20:32Thanks very much.
20:32I hear an animated conversation going on on the other side of the studio.
20:36I'm pleased you can hear it, Charlie.
20:37I'm not sure the rest of us can.
20:39Yeah, pregnant women who also knew...
20:43..about how you actually get them into the workplace
20:46and then what they do afterwards.
20:48So it's a really important issue.
20:49Thanks very much, guys.
20:50It's so important we're not allowed to actually hear it.
20:55So what went wrong, Ben?
20:56Who do we need to fire?
20:58I'm going to be back after 8 o'clock
21:00and if you struggle to hear me at the start, that's my fault.
21:02I'm sorry, I wasn't marrying a microphone.
21:05Oh, what?
21:05Which you'd think I would know by now.
21:06Ben, oh, I was going to...
21:09I wasn't going to drop you in it, but...
21:11I thought I would fess up.
21:12Hands up.
21:13It's my fault.
21:13I'm sorry.
21:14Don't worry, we forgive you.
21:18You're through to Good Morning Britain.
21:20Please press 1 if you've ever been embarrassed by your phone at work.
21:24Morning.
21:24Good morning, Britain.
21:26New figures out.
21:27Expecting to show inflation hit around 10% last month.
21:31In fact, they are just out.
21:3310.1%.
21:3410.1%.
21:35Getting it on your phone.
21:36Excuse me.
21:37Sorry.
21:39Yes, Susanna, no watching the news
21:41when you're meant to be presenting the news.
21:44That's OK.
21:45In Adelaide, this newsreader is about to pre-record an interview with a guest
21:49once he's picked the right video background.
21:52Yeah, I'm just looking.
21:53That's not the one we want, though.
21:56Yes, take your time.
21:57I'm sure she doesn't have anywhere to be.
22:01No, that's...
22:03I'll just go to Blair.
22:07It's not going very well, is it?
22:09Let's get back in the background.
22:13Sorry.
22:14No, it's great.
22:17Video filters.
22:19Ah, studio.
22:22Oh, a party hat.
22:24You should have said it was your birthday.
22:26Was that just a slice of pizza?
22:28I'm going to log out and come straight back in.
22:30Hold on.
22:31OK, cool.
22:32All right, awesome.
22:34Bye.
22:45Coming up after the break, more glorious cock-ups
22:48and sharing the first letters of glorious and cock-up,
22:52it's the GC herself, Gemma Collins.
22:55Is it Gemma Collins?
22:57I just said it was Gemma.
22:58Pay attention.
22:59They're all wifers.
23:00Gemma is glamping with her family,
23:02and in true GC style,
23:05she's hired the biggest and most expensive campervan,
23:08without checking if her brother can drive it.
23:11What's behind, though?
23:12Her film crew must be delighted.
23:14There's nothing like a bit of jeopardy to add drama to a shoot.
23:17But here's where drama meets hard, cold reality.
23:24I didn't need it, did I?
23:26I'm afraid you did.
23:27Get this on camera.
23:30You're going to need a witness for the insurance.
23:32Did anyone happen to see it?
23:34Maybe 20 to 30 people and a TV crew?
23:36I think it's just going to need a little bath down and a spray.
23:39Yeah.
23:40Don't worry, electricity makes it as fun.
23:42Nothing the GC can't sweet-talk herself out of...
23:45If you can get away with that jacket,
23:46you can get away with anything.
23:48The cock-ups keep on coming after the break.
23:52APPLAUSE
24:02Still to come, the news gets broken.
24:06Oh, my goodness gracious me.
24:08Clean it up, clean it up.
24:09Give me the tissues.
24:10Some bad sports.
24:14It's still in my throat.
24:18And TV not quite as expert as we all thought experts.
24:22Oh, I'm on a roll today.
24:27Stay with us as the cock-ups keep coming.
24:34The Larkins, where Bradley has been banged up.
24:38But he's settled in and he's learned the lingo.
24:41There he is.
24:47Oh, fuck.
24:52Who wants to be a millionaire?
24:54As hosted by Jeremy Clarkson.
24:56But Richard Maidley has other ideas.
24:58Welcome.
25:00Wrong seat, Richard.
25:01Not a great start.
25:04There you go.
25:06There we are.
25:08So you're Richard Maidley, TV presenter, journalist, writer, host
25:12and a man with no sense of direction.
25:14It wasn't even a hard choice.
25:15I mean, it was literally a 50-50.
25:18OK, here we go.
25:19£200 question.
25:22Which of these abbreviations is used
25:25when someone wants something done immediately?
25:30ASAP, YMCA, BYOB, HMRC?
25:35I shall answer as soon as possible.
25:37Chris, it's A, final answer.
25:39I'm not Chris.
25:41So you look young.
25:43That's the nullity.
25:43Yeah, exactly.
25:44It's the nullity of setting you up.
25:47A bit harsh, Jeremy.
25:48Richard has to get up very early to do the news.
25:50This is way past his bedtime.
25:53This is going to be great, this guy.
25:55I go to your seat.
25:57I call you by your predecessor.
25:58Yeah, exactly.
25:59If only Judy could have helped Richard with a nice chesty cough.
26:05BBC comedy Here We Go isn't actually filmed by their teenage son.
26:10But one thing that is the same
26:12is when everyone tries to remain positive
26:14as things go wrong on camera.
26:16The bell?
26:17The bell still works, look.
26:19Yeah, yeah.
26:20All right, all right, Mum.
26:22I doubt they'll be using the...
26:24Oh, sorry, everyone.
26:28Sorry, everyone.
26:30I overdonged, didn't I?
26:33Yeah, you did.
26:36Over to the panel show Unforgivable,
26:38where for once, it's Mel
26:40who does something completely unforgivable.
26:43Yeah, sure, sure.
26:45Right, so...
26:47No, I don't think she should.
26:49So sorry.
26:52Sorry.
26:54I hope you never did that on Bake Off, Mel.
26:56And stop the souffles from rising.
26:59As I know from bitter experience.
27:05Madam.
27:05It's the emotion.
27:06Well, we all...
27:07It's hearing all the stories.
27:09You all know what you've had for dinner?
27:12Next up, the comedy-drama Brassic.
27:15It's very funny,
27:16but sometimes for the cast,
27:17it's a little too funny.
27:21I need a favour.
27:22It's unethical.
27:23Babs needs a shit.
27:24Come on, man, let us in, dude.
27:26Don't need a shit.
27:27Don't need to pull.
27:31Babs needs a shit.
27:33Now, come on, guys.
27:34Comedy is a serious business.
27:36Babs is desperate for a shit.
27:40Still running, picking it up.
27:42Picking it up?
27:43Oh, disgusting.
27:46Fantastic dressing gown, Dominic.
27:49Mrs Brown's Boys,
27:51a show that loves a cock-up
27:52just as much as we do.
27:53What are we going to do now, Father?
27:55I think we need to get Betty
27:56and Mrs Curtin together
27:57and then try to talk this out.
28:00I have an idea.
28:02I have a line before that.
28:03She doesn't.
28:06Let Mrs Brown speak.
28:07It's her show.
28:09I have an idea.
28:10Let's hold you a line.
28:12I think we'd better get
28:14Betty and Mrs Curtin together.
28:16Is that not dangerous?
28:17Because for him to get it right once
28:19is fucking right.
28:21Just blame the priest.
28:22That's what he's here for.
28:23Yes, we always do.
28:25He has his foot up my frock
28:27when he's doing it.
28:29I'm going from the very top.
28:30That's not my foot.
28:34And I thought the priest
28:35from Fleabag was saucy.
28:38I thought it was your foot
28:40because we should smell off.
28:43Right, this is far too rude now.
28:45Everyone move on.
28:46Move on.
28:46Action.
28:47I think we need to get Betty
28:49and Mrs Curtin together
28:50and try to talk this out.
28:52APPLAUSE
28:59Time for my forte, sports.
29:01Hey, stop laughing.
29:04So three changes for this game.
29:06Obviously Diaz is on the bench
29:07but no Stones, no Rodri.
29:08Can you tell us a bit more about that?
29:10Both are injured.
29:11Yesterday Rodri in the training session
29:12last one felt something
29:15a little bit more than Eagles
29:17in his leg
29:17and we could not take risks with this.
29:20Watch, watch, watch.
29:21There we go.
29:22Look, I might not know much
29:24about football, but even I know
29:27that you don't need to water a pitch
29:29in Manchester.
29:30It's the rainiest city in the UK.
29:33If they're on a water meter,
29:34no wonder the tickets cost so much.
29:36Again, you've got to bring in the squad.
29:38During sport news,
29:39I normally munch loudly on my toast
29:41but not today.
29:43Australia has pulled out of hosting
29:44the Commonwealth Games.
29:46I'm loving the drama,
29:48Mike's loving the drama
29:49and his reporter
29:50is starting to sound,
29:51well, hysterical.
29:53Well, they've been saying
29:53that the Commonwealth Games
29:55are going to be all cost
29:56and no benefit
29:57for Victoria
29:59and this is what
29:59the state premier
30:00has basically said.
30:02It's the reason
30:02they are no longer hosting
30:04the Commonwealth Games
30:05in 2026.
30:06They're terminating
30:07the contract.
30:09And that is why
30:09I stopped inhaling helium
30:11before going on live television.
30:12As it stands,
30:14this budget has crippled
30:16and the state
30:17could no longer
30:18essentially cover...
30:19Yeah, apologies
30:20for technical problems though.
30:21This is a developing story.
30:22We'll have more on that
30:23throughout the morning
30:23on breakfast.
30:25And he is now...
30:26Darts champion Ross Smith
30:28at Alexandra Palace.
30:29He attracts all kinds of fans
30:31but some of them
30:32are not as friendly
30:33as he'd like.
30:35We hope so
30:36because we know
30:36how well you can do.
30:37You've made some mega strides
30:39in your career
30:39over the last couple of years.
30:40Do you think you can be
30:41a dark horse
30:42in this tournament?
30:42Yeah, without a doubt.
30:44Honestly, I believe...
30:46Oh, there's the wasp.
30:48The Ali Pali wasp is here.
30:49He's just done me.
30:50He's just stung me
30:51like a good'un.
30:52Little b***h.
30:54We apologise for the language.
30:56Sorry about that.
30:57Don't be sorry.
30:58Believe me,
30:59if I'd been stung
31:00on live television
31:01I'd have said a lot worse.
31:03Look, Abba Belter
31:04and we'll see you
31:04after Christmas.
31:05It's all done.
31:06Get some cream on that.
31:09A few semi-finals...
31:10Jurgen Klopp
31:11is happy with the result.
31:12But it's not good news
31:13for everyone.
31:14I saw him fisting his...
31:17Bumping his fist in the air
31:18there.
31:18Jurgen Klopp
31:19after the game
31:20the Liverpool manager...
31:21Oh, he's made a real fist
31:22of that.
31:22Home support...
31:25Look, I'm not the only one
31:27who doesn't know anything
31:28about sport.
31:29When it comes to cricket
31:30the very knowledgeable
31:31Kate Garraway
31:32is equally stumped.
31:34Now, England need to take
31:36eight West Indies wickets
31:37to win the series
31:38and lift the Wisdom Trophy.
31:40Today is the final day
31:41of the series
31:42deciding third test
31:43switch the score
31:45posed at one...
31:46Poised?
31:46Poised.
31:47Poised.
31:48That's not a sporting
31:48reference.
31:49It said posed.
31:50It says posed.
31:51It said posed.
31:51No, it doesn't.
31:52The eyes are the wrong place.
31:53Quick, pull the plug.
31:54Have a look.
31:55Have a look.
31:56Poised.
31:57Poised.
31:57Let's go the whole thing off.
31:58I'm sure there is a term
32:00called posed.
32:01Posed.
32:01It's supposed to what you do
32:02when you do a great run
32:04somewhere beyond gully
32:05and behind...
32:07somewhere behind covers.
32:09There you go.
32:11Poised.
32:12Poised.
32:13There you go.
32:14There you go.
32:15Poised.
32:15Poised.
32:16I thought it was
32:17a crippling term.
32:17If only rain had
32:18stopped Kate's report
32:19that would have helped.
32:20Ah, lovely BAM.
32:22If it rains in the studio
32:23then a misspelling
32:24in the autocue
32:24will be the least
32:25of your worries.
32:31Jane Hill
32:32is about to have
32:33terrible trouble
32:34with her sports news.
32:35But hey,
32:36as they say in rugby,
32:37at least she tried.
32:39Ireland are hoping
32:40to secure the title
32:41but France's win
32:43against Wales earlier
32:44kept alive their hopes
32:46of remaining champions.
32:47Ben Croucher
32:48has been watching.
32:50Hmm.
32:51I think Jane wanted
32:52the Six Nations
32:53but got a different
32:54nation altogether.
32:57Goodness.
32:58I am so sorry.
32:59That is absolutely
33:00not the sort of story
33:02we don't want to be
33:03bringing you
33:03on a very big
33:04sporting weekend
33:05as it is.
33:06Absolutely not, Jane.
33:07I hope we will have
33:08much more for you
33:09on the Six Nations.
33:11Real Madrid.
33:13Real Madrid.
33:13They've just won
33:13the King's Cup
33:14so apparently
33:15it's acceptable
33:16to make this racket
33:17through the city
33:18at 4am.
33:19But someone
33:20is getting some sleep.
33:22The player
33:23holding the trophy.
33:31Oops.
33:32Still,
33:33now you can use it
33:33as a plate
33:34for some tapas.
33:36Maybe let the goalkeeper
33:37hold it next time.
33:40In Australia
33:42their favourite sport
33:43is annoying sports reporters.
33:45All right,
33:46let's get to the sport
33:47and Carlton's devastating
33:48one point loss
33:49to Collingwood
33:49will be front of mind
33:51when the two teams
33:52go head to head
33:53and you've just
33:56spilt bloody coffee
33:57everywhere.
33:58Oh my goodness gracious me.
34:00Give me the tissue.
34:02It's all right.
34:03It's all right.
34:04Shame.
34:04I know from experience
34:06that it's not easy
34:06to get a flat white
34:08out of a blue suit.
34:10It's okay.
34:11Oh, no,
34:12it's all still coming out.
34:14Oh, no.
34:16Oh, God,
34:17it's everywhere.
34:20Carlos,
34:21what have you done?
34:22Everything was going
34:22so well
34:23this morning
34:24and he just got
34:26in a row with it.
34:27I'm just discombobulated
34:28because we've got
34:28the Olympics.
34:29I know.
34:30I'm just thinking
34:31about that thing.
34:32I'm very excited.
34:34I'm very excited.
34:35So excited about the
34:36Olympics.
34:36Sorry, buddy.
34:37Don't be sorry.
34:38Offer to pay
34:39for his dry cleaning.
34:40Anyway,
34:40let's go to Timmy now.
34:50It's the Real Housewives
34:52of Cheshire.
34:53It's a world
34:54of sumptuous
34:54soirees
34:55and chauffeur-driven
34:56limos,
34:57but all the money
34:58in the world
34:58won't save them
34:59when a cock-up
35:00comes a-calling.
35:05Do you need a hand,
35:06Esther?
35:07My boob came out.
35:08Sorry.
35:10But what could possibly
35:11be worse
35:11than having your boob
35:12pop out
35:13on national television?
35:16Find out
35:16after the break.
35:28welcome back.
35:30Mishaps on
35:31entertainment shows now
36:00and before the break
36:02marriage, ladies.
36:03It's bad enough
36:03that your shoes are in the gutter.
36:05I'm in a bush.
36:06I'm in a bush.
36:06Might I suggest
36:07a wingtip brogue?
36:09Now I wear them,
36:10I haven't been stuck
36:10in a drain once.
36:11I'm going to have that.
36:16Love Island
36:17and the wonderful
36:17Maya Jammer
36:18enjoying another one
36:19of her trademark
36:20slow walks.
36:21Must take her ages
36:22to get anywhere.
36:25Behind the scenes,
36:26it's not as glamorous
36:27as you think.
36:28So I had these strings
36:29on this dress
36:29and I went in the port-a-loo
36:30and they dripped
36:32in the port-a-loo
36:32and I didn't realise
36:34and then upstairs
36:34and I was putting it back on
36:35and I was like,
36:35I can smell shit.
36:37What the fuck?
36:38Yeah, there was shit
36:39on my strings.
36:41So I cannot wait
36:42to get this off.
36:43How mad?
36:44I thought one of the girls
36:45farted.
36:46It was you.
36:47It was me?
36:48It's rule number one
36:49of a port-a-loo, Maya.
36:51Always watch your strings.
36:53Is that the string there?
36:55They cut it off.
36:56Now you got steady hands.
36:58It got cut.
36:59It got cut.
37:00So confirm,
37:01the shit bit got cut off.
37:02Yeah, yeah, yeah.
37:04It's over.
37:05The story's over already.
37:07Would you put that in?
37:08I don't mind.
37:09We have put it in, Maya.
37:10And in fact,
37:12so did you.
37:16This is the traitors.
37:20Everyone is so committed
37:21on this show.
37:23Contestants like Harry
37:24really throw themselves
37:25into their roles
37:26as traitors.
37:26But something tells me
37:28the props department
37:29are not 100% faithful.
37:31I'm literally just so smart,
37:33you know, like,
37:33I'm actually generally
37:34so smart.
37:35Like, I'm just looking at it
37:36like, wow,
37:37maybe this was meant
37:38for me to,
37:38oh, and I just broke it.
37:40Oh, no.
37:41So smart.
37:44Chris.
37:458.5.
37:46Dancing on ice.
37:47And the scores are in
37:48for Connor from The Vamps.
37:50But here's a slip-up
37:51I never expected.
37:52Not from the Jane Torville.
37:55Jane, can we just confirm,
37:56is it an 8.5 or 9.5?
37:58No, it's 8.5.
38:00Only an 8.5.
38:02But Connor is taking it
38:03on the chin.
38:04Just to point out,
38:05I don't know if you can see this,
38:06obviously Dancing on Ice
38:07is completely live.
38:08Connor, before the show,
38:09was meant to open
38:10the entire show
38:11but had an accident backstage.
38:13It's now,
38:13he had stitches before the show
38:14so he couldn't go on first
38:16and they've now opened up.
38:17Still,
38:18a little blood won't faze Connor.
38:20He is in The Vamps,
38:21after all.
38:27Loaded in paradise
38:28and a young couple
38:29have failed to win
38:30a day of luxury
38:31and are moaning about it.
38:32Moan, moan, moan, moan, moan.
38:34I don't know how they did it.
38:35No, that's what I mean.
38:37But for us to literally be
38:38driving past it,
38:40turning around,
38:41driving past it again
38:42to then get in the message
38:44to then literally
38:45go in straight there.
38:49Fucking rude.
38:51The ferry bleeped
38:52the wrong bit there.
38:56Now, I love
38:57A League of Their Own.
38:59No, not that 1992 film
39:00starring Tom Hanks
39:01and Madonna.
39:02Although, of course,
39:02that is also a favourite.
39:05Now, Red Team,
39:07I need an answer from you.
39:08Let's do it.
39:09Which celebrations
39:10do you think cost the most?
39:11Man City's after winning
39:12the treble,
39:13Wrexham's after being promoted
39:14to the Football League
39:14or the Lioness's after winning
39:16in the Euros?
39:18OK, we've got to think about it.
39:19So there's 20 players.
39:20Yeah.
39:23He's still in my throat.
39:27I'm not joking.
39:28I thought that was
39:28medical help.
39:29It's just someone
39:29trying to make sure
39:30the mic's open.
39:33Well, those mics
39:34don't come cheap.
39:37Let's save the equipment.
39:40Micah's clopping
39:41and we can't hear it clearly
39:42because somebody
39:42get over there.
39:52Now it's time
39:53for cock-ups
39:54featuring our favourite
39:55TV experts.
39:57At least,
39:58they're meant to be experts,
39:59aren't they?
40:02That is just how to make
40:04the most perfect soup.
40:06Oh, don't worry, Prue.
40:07I think you've got
40:08plenty more utensils
40:09behind you.
40:10I'm going to rescue it.
40:12Never despair
40:12when things go wrong.
40:15Mmm, skewer soup.
40:16My absolute favourite.
40:20Now I need another skewer
40:22since that one's
40:24soaked in soup.
40:26Prue, come back.
40:27I bet it still
40:28tastes delicious.
40:30I promise I won't
40:31tell Paul Hollywood.
40:32Since I used a skewer
40:33before, I didn't use
40:34another one.
40:35Prue, have you
40:36got enough ovens?
40:40Richard Arnold
40:41is about to unveil
40:42an interview with
40:42Hollywood heartthrob
40:43Pedro Pascal.
40:45Oh, me amor.
40:46But have Pedro's
40:47Latin charms
40:48gone to Richard's head?
40:49Lovely to see you.
40:51Another Hollywood
40:51exclusive for you.
40:53He's very much
40:54the man of the moment.
40:55Of course, he's also
40:56currently starring
40:56in the phenomenal
40:58hit, The Last of Us,
40:59which we love.
41:00So I talked about him
41:01about his sex...
41:02Oh, what?
41:04What?
41:05What?
41:06His success
41:08on the telly
41:10in Piccadilly Circus.
41:11Well, there's
41:12an auntie's blooper
41:13for you.
41:15Please don't call me
41:16Auntie, Richard.
41:19Well, I think we all
41:20know what was
41:20on your mind.
41:24It's Sort Your Life
41:25Out with Stacey Solomon.
41:27I wonder if her team
41:28would come and sort
41:28my life out.
41:30Handy little gadgets
41:31like this are so great
41:32because they're super,
41:32super cheap,
41:33and you don't need
41:34a screwdriver,
41:34just a little bit
41:35of sticky tape.
41:36I mean, stunning.
41:38Oh, I'm on a roll today.
41:40On second thoughts,
41:42maybe not.
41:45Filming with finance guru
41:47Martin Lewis.
41:48He loves to save money,
41:49but maybe we should be
41:50more concerned with
41:51saving face.
42:01I didn't expect to be
42:02hit in the face
42:03by the jangles.
42:06Fashion expert Mark Hayes
42:08is on the way
42:09to see Lorraine
42:10and he's being carried
42:11by Royal Marines
42:12commando Ant Middleton.
42:15Thankfully for Lorraine's
42:16producers,
42:17that was as commando
42:18as Mark will go.
42:20Now, Mark is with me now.
42:21We saw you coming
42:22into the studio there
42:23on the back of Ant,
42:25the SES man,
42:26and there was a bit
42:27of a wardrobe malfunction,
42:28wasn't it, young man?
42:28I've had a wardrobe malfunction,
42:29yes.
42:29As I got onto Ant's back,
42:31I heard,
42:31and my trousers have completely
42:33gone.
42:34Look, my lovely suit.
42:36This is,
42:36you went and said,
42:37I'd reached the breaking point
42:38where I didn't realise
42:39it would be my trunk.
42:40But there you have it.
42:41There you go.
42:42Well, you carried it
42:42off with aplomb.
42:43Lorraine's right,
42:44we did nearly see aplomb.
42:47I put my cards in front
42:48like this
42:48for the rest of the morning.
42:49There we go.
42:52On Saturday morning
42:53with James Martin,
42:54it's back to the old saying,
42:56if you can't stand the heat,
42:57get out of the kitchen.
42:59Or, at the very least,
43:00stop coughing.
43:02The chini that you put in there
43:03is quite pungent.
43:04The reason for that
43:04is we've got Sam
43:05who works in autocube's test.
43:07Go on, cough!
43:09It's like,
43:11it's quite strong.
43:13Yeah, you're telling me.
43:14I can taste it from here.
43:15Well, can I?
43:16Oh, everybody's coughing now.
43:19Cover your mouths,
43:20please, guys.
43:21This is a hygiene nightmare.
43:23Can't we just all do it
43:24in union,
43:25because you're all coughing
43:25at different times.
43:26One, two, three,
43:27now.
43:30Get it out of the way.
43:31Get it out of the way.
43:31We're done now.
43:32Be quiet now
43:33for at least two minutes.
43:34We've finished it.
43:35I am so sorry.
43:44A big thank you
43:46to all the stars
43:47and talented production staff
43:48for their funny mistakes.
43:49But fear not, faux pas fans,
43:51there's time for one more.
43:53Let's make a date
43:54with Sylvia.
43:56Before he makes an offer,
43:57he will add £100
44:00to whatever he offers you
44:01right now
44:01if you reveal
44:03which one
44:04of the wing players
44:06you'd go on a date with.
44:08Oh!
44:11He's being very naughty today.
44:13He is, isn't he?
44:14Yes, he is.
44:14I was going to ask
44:14if he's going to take my teeth out.
44:16What?
44:18She actually thought
44:19you were going to ask
44:20would she take her teeth out?
44:24Depends how the date goes.
44:27I can't buy you
44:29but I can suck you to death.
44:34Give me a minute.
44:35Thank you, please.
44:36Give me a minute.
44:37I think we all need a minute.
44:44Scrub that.
44:45What did she say?
44:45She said...
44:46No!
44:47She said she could suck you to death.
45:01I'm not surprised.
45:02He's wondering
45:02if they can still
45:03put this out in daytime.
45:07The fuck that's fat in him?
45:11Okay.
45:13He wants to wrap this up.
45:18Now that should be worth
45:20a good deal.
45:23It should.
45:24Thanks for watching
45:25and good night.
45:29I love that show.
45:31Never fails to make me laugh.
45:34Now John Sim is back
45:35playing the troubled detective
45:36Cracking Crime
45:37in the sixth series
45:38of Grace.
45:39His investigations
45:40continue on Sunday at 8.
45:41And when a girl's high school
45:43soccer squad's
45:44plane crashes
45:44they'll do anything
45:45to survive
45:46in the wilderness.
45:47Yellow Jackets
45:48is on STV Player.
45:50I'll see you at a week.
45:54I'll see you at the next
45:57time.
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