- 12 hours ago
Category
đź“ş
TVTranscript
00:15¡Gracias por ver!
00:30This is late night. We hope you're doing well.
00:32And now, if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news.
00:35Oklahoma Senator Mark Wayne Mullen was sworn in yesterday
00:38as the Homeland Security Secretary.
00:40A proud moment for his parents, Dave Jim and Sue Nancy Mullen.
00:45During his swearing-in ceremony yesterday,
00:48Homeland Security Secretary Mark Wayne Mullen said that it,
00:50quote,
00:50"...seems surreal being in the Oval Office
00:53and having the President of the United States speak so highly of me.
00:57"...enjoy it while it lasts," said thousands of people
01:01at the same time.
01:03During Homeland Security Secretary Mark Wayne Mullen
01:06swearing-in ceremony yesterday,
01:07President Trump praised U.S. service members
01:10intercepting Iranian missiles and called them, quote,
01:13"...the coolest cucumbers ever."
01:15Which might be the nicest thing he's ever said
01:18about a green vegetable.
01:21In a post today on Truth Social,
01:23President Trump said that the public loves ice officers
01:26and added, quote,
01:27"...they are great American patriots
01:28and just happen to have much larger
01:30and harder muscles than most."
01:32All right.
01:33I don't think the public loves ice,
01:35but more importantly,
01:36why are you talking like a drunk aunt at the beach?
01:40Those boys throwing the football
01:42have larger muscles than most.
01:44Aunt Jenny, let me smell your water bottle.
01:47Go right ahead.
01:49You can't smell vodka.
01:51President Trump told reporters yesterday
01:53the U.S. and Iran are in negotiations right now
01:56to end the war and added, quote,
01:58"...they're talking to us and they're talking sense."
02:00Well, if they're talking sense,
02:02you're gonna need a translator.
02:06Military officials reportedly compiled a video update
02:09for President Trump that includes the biggest
02:11and most successful strikes from the war in Iran,
02:14although some of the footage looks very familiar.
02:21We got him.
02:22We got Nakatomi.
02:25President Trump reportedly planned
02:27to replace the gray pavement
02:29under his presidential walk of fame
02:30with a black granite walkway.
02:32Yeah, man, go for it.
02:33Might as well, because at this point,
02:34you're definitely not getting your security deposit back.
02:39First Lady Melania Trump
02:41hosted an AI roundtable event today
02:43that featured a robot named Figure 3
02:45and said that it was her, quote,
02:47"...first American-made humanoid guest in the White House."
02:49All right.
02:50It was, at best, the second.
02:55The Army recently increased its maximum enlistment age
02:59from 35 to 42 years old.
03:01Said one drill instructor,
03:03drop and give me four sets of five!
03:10That's right.
03:11The Army recently increased its maximum enlistment age
03:14to 42 years old,
03:15so expect those letters from back home to get less sexy.
03:17Hey, fellas, gather round.
03:19She says Rebecca needs braces.
03:25The makers of natural light beer
03:27are offering a new fertilizer.
03:29What does it grow?
03:30Boston.
03:34And finally, in honor of National Cheesesteak Day,
03:37employees at the Philadelphia airport
03:38attempted to break a Guinness World Record yesterday
03:40by lining up nearly 1,300 sandwiches.
03:43Awesome!
03:44Said everyone waiting in the security line.
03:47Where do they...
03:48Oh, good for them!
03:49That's awesome!
03:51All right, you guys, that was a monologue!
03:54We've got a great show for you tonight.
03:56She is a fantastic comedian.
03:58She is a best-selling author.
04:00Tickets to the second leg of her High and Mighty Tour
04:03go on sale March 27th at ChelseaHandler.com.
04:05Our friend Chelsea Handler is back on the show!
04:08We know her from Baby Driver,
04:10Fountain of Youth,
04:11the Netflix series 3,
04:12Body Problem.
04:13She's currently starring in Mike and Nick and Nick and Alice,
04:16which premieres March 27th on Hulu.
04:19Aza Gonzalez will also be joining us.
04:21So happy to have her here for the first time.
04:24You guys, before we get to all of that,
04:26Donald Trump's approval rating hit a new low
04:28as ICE agents loitered in airports
04:30and Iran rejected Trump's proposal to end the war.
04:33For more on this, it's time for A Closer Look.
04:39Donald Trump promised a lot of stuff during the 2024 campaign.
04:42You might not remember,
04:43because you've permanently erased it from your brain,
04:45but I do because I have his tweets tattooed all over my body
04:49like memento.
04:52If you voted for Trump,
04:54there were probably three big things he cared about,
04:56breaking down prices, ending foreign wars,
04:58and deporting violent criminals.
05:00Starting the day I take the oath of office,
05:02I will rapidly drive prices down.
05:04We're not going to have war in the Middle East.
05:06We're going to get the criminals, the murderers,
05:08the drug dealers,
05:09we're going to get them out of here first.
05:11Damn, he's like me at the Emmys, 0 for 3.
05:15That's only for Outstanding Talk Show.
05:17If you include all the other categories, we're 0 for 15.
05:20And if you include all the times I lost at S&L,
05:23you know what? I want to talk this in, man.
05:24Why did we put this in?
05:25Just glad S&L went on such a long winning streak after I left.
05:28I hope Colin Jost brings all his Emmys with him
05:30the next time he goes bobsledding.
05:37Now that deserves an Emmy.
05:39The point is, Trump broke all of those promises.
05:42Prices are up.
05:42He's sending more troops to the Middle East
05:44and less than 14% of ICE arrests are violent criminals.
05:47In fact, Trump's immigration plan has gone so badly,
05:50the White House recently told Republicans
05:51to stop talking about mass deportations altogether.
05:54And that was like his whole thing.
05:57That's like telling Mr. Met to stop talking about baseball.
06:00That would be a crazy thing to tell him
06:03because Mr. Met doesn't talk.
06:06True story.
06:06He used to talk, but they made him stop
06:08because he kept telling the umps to get their eyes fixed.
06:14By the way, if today's Closer Look feels underwritten at any point,
06:18it's because Mr. Met stopped by the set
06:20and our Closer Look writer, Sal,
06:22checked out for like two hours.
06:25And it wasn't just Sal.
06:27Our whole Met-loving crew lost their minds.
06:30I overheard one of them say,
06:31finally, a real celebrity.
06:33So not a great day for my ego.
06:36I almost said, you know, it's just a regular guy in there,
06:38but I didn't because, and I'm not joking,
06:40I don't think they know that.
06:43Here's a picture of my security guards
06:45with Mr. and Mrs. Met.
06:47If you're wondering what I was doing
06:48when that picture was taken,
06:50getting mugged
06:54by the Philly fanatic.
06:57It's been a day.
07:00It's been a real day.
07:02So Republicans are suddenly hush-hush
07:04about their mass deportation program,
07:06and now instead of deporting murderers
07:08and drug dealers like Trump promised,
07:10ICE agents are wandering around airports
07:12like Tom Hanks and the Terminal.
07:13What is ICE actually doing at U.S. airports right now?
07:16It's not really clear.
07:18Here's what we know they can do.
07:20According to a senior ICE official,
07:22agents could be helping out with tasks
07:24like checking IDs and doing crowd control.
07:27But we have not seen ICE agents
07:28doing much of anything.
07:30We're not seeing them doing anything
07:31at the screening checkpoints themselves,
07:33best we can tell.
07:34By and large, we are just seeing ICE
07:36walking around the terminal.
07:38What a great use of time and resources.
07:41ICE agents are wandering around airports
07:43like they're waiting for Cinnabon to open.
07:45I know we shouldn't have gotten here
07:46at 5 a.m. for a 9 o'clock flight.
07:49ICE is more useless at airports
07:51than those things that let you check
07:52if your carry-on is the right size.
07:55People cram oversized bags into those things
07:57like they're Joe Pesci stuffing a body
07:59into the trunk of a car.
08:01Sir, I don't think it's going to fit.
08:03Maybe my shoe will fit in your ass!
08:05I don't have a Pesci.
08:07I think it's clear I don't have a Pesci.
08:08So deploying ICE to airports
08:10has been mostly pointless so far.
08:12Whoever came up with this dumb idea
08:14must be feeling real sheepish about it.
08:17This idea was mine.
08:18That was mine.
08:19This week.
08:21This week.
08:22When it goes badly,
08:23you can be sure it was someone else's idea.
08:25ICE in the airports.
08:26I think that was J.D.
08:27J.D., weren't you the one?
08:29I think you were the one who said,
08:30let's get ICE into the airports.
08:32While the news in general is terrible,
08:34it's still fun to watch Trump's many lickspittles
08:36having to grin and nod
08:37as he gives them credit for his failing ideas.
08:40Like earlier this week
08:41when he fully laid Iran at Pete Hegseth's feet.
08:44I called a lot of our great people.
08:47We have great people.
08:48And I said, let's talk.
08:49We got a problem in the Middle East.
08:51Pete, I think you were the first one to speak up.
08:53And you said, let's do it.
08:55When Hegseth heard that,
08:56he probably thought, bomb, bomb, fight, fight, drink, bomb,
08:59because that's all he ever thinks.
09:00But if he was capable of more heightened analysis,
09:03he'd probably think, what?
09:05But for now, ICE in airports is still Trump's idea.
09:08And he even did us the courtesy
09:10of explaining how he came up with it.
09:12That was like the paperclip.
09:14You know the story of the paperclip?
09:15No.
09:19I'm sorry I don't,
09:20because I don't speak concussion.
09:25What?
09:27Sir, what exactly the hell are you talking about?
09:30182 years ago,
09:31a man discovered the paperclip.
09:34It was so simple.
09:36And everybody that looked at it said,
09:37why didn't I think of that?
09:38Now, if you're thinking to yourself,
09:40is Trump right that the paperclip
09:42was invented 182 years ago?
09:44The answer is yes, he is correct.
09:46In fact, Trump went on to explain
09:48that in the year 1844,
09:50an Icelandic cobbler named Magnus Olsen
09:52invented an early prototype of the paperclip
09:54consisting of two wooden triangles
09:57fastened with twine.
09:58And of course it wasn't 182 years ago!
10:04He's just pulling numbers out of his ass
10:06like an ice agent doing a cavity search
10:08at the airport.
10:11182 years ago.
10:15Also,
10:16I have to go back to this part.
10:18A man discovered the paperclip.
10:20Nobody discovered the paperclip.
10:25It was invented.
10:26Do you think Steve Jobs just found an iPod
10:29sticking out of the sand
10:30at the beach one day?
10:31He's like,
10:31oh, look at this luck.
10:33I'll have to...
10:33I'll have to wear my lucky outfit
10:35the rest of my life.
10:42You're talking about it like
10:43he was a prospector digging for gold
10:46and just, like, stumbled on a mine full of paperclip.
10:48Oh, my golly, look at this.
10:51This here mountain's full of small metal loops.
10:54We can use them to hold our takeout menus together.
10:57Oh!
10:58Oh!
10:59I'm going to be a millionaire!
11:01So Trump's immigration plan was a bust,
11:04but what about prices?
11:05Wait.
11:05Before you play the clip,
11:06let me guess.
11:07They're going down?
11:08Tonight, gas prices are spiking.
11:10Americans are now paying
11:11nearly a dollar more
11:13per gallon at the pump.
11:14Prices keep going up and up.
11:16Prices over $6 a gallon,
11:19while this downtown L.A. Chevron
11:20pushes close to $9 a gallon.
11:23Can you imagine a world
11:24where we're paying $10 a gallon?
11:26Yes.
11:27$10 a gallon?
11:28How am I supposed to afford that?
11:29I don't got paperclip money.
11:35I showed up right after the first guy found it.
11:40If I pulled up to a gas station
11:41and saw that gas was $10 a gallon,
11:43I would just leave my car there and walk home,
11:45and then I'd walk right back to the gas station
11:47after my wife said,
11:48the you do?
11:51Okay, so we're zero for two so far,
11:53and Trump promises,
11:54which brings us to the war in Iran.
11:55He promised no more wars in the Middle East,
11:57but you guys, good news,
11:58it's not a war.
11:59I saw what was happening in Iran,
12:01and I said,
12:02I hate to make this excursion,
12:04but we're going to have to do it.
12:05We took a little bit of a journey,
12:07a little bit of an excursion.
12:10I went to Susie.
12:11I always go to Susie.
12:12I said,
12:12Susie, do you mind if I take a little excursion here?
12:15Stop calling it an excursion.
12:17An excursion is a vacation,
12:19which no one can afford
12:19because gas is so expensive.
12:21Also, an excursion doesn't last three weeks.
12:24An excursion, one week max.
12:26The only people who go on excursions for three weeks
12:28are rich kids who claim they're backpacking through Europe,
12:30then post a photo from the Ritz in Barcelona.
12:33Trump can't tell us what the goal of the war is
12:35or how long it'll last or how it'll end.
12:37One minute, he says he's talking to Iran.
12:39The next minute, Iran says they're not talking to Trump.
12:41One breath, he's sending more troops.
12:42The next, he's offering a peace deal.
12:44One day, he's threatening to obliterate Iran's power plants.
12:47The next, he's saying stuff like this.
12:49They did something yesterday that was amazing, actually.
12:51They gave us a present,
12:54and the present arrived today.
12:56It was a very big present
12:58worth a tremendous amount of money.
13:01And I'm not going to tell you what that present is,
13:03but it was a very significant prize.
13:10They said it was a beautiful present
13:11worth a lot of money,
13:12a very significant prize.
13:14I can't tell you what it is,
13:15but let's just say we're not going to have trouble
13:18holding our papers together any longer.
13:23Seriously.
13:26What?
13:27And I say this with all due respect.
13:29The are you talking about?
13:33I mean, not only will he not tell us
13:35the present they gave him,
13:36he doesn't even seem to be clear on who they are.
13:39A top person.
13:43We're dealing with the man
13:43who I believe is the most respected
13:47and the leader.
13:48The people that seem to be running it.
13:50They gave us a present,
13:52and they gave it to us,
13:53and they said they were going to give it,
13:54so that meant one thing to me,
13:56we're dealing with the right people.
13:57What it showed me is that
13:58we're dealing with the right people.
14:00Because, you know, you don't know.
14:01They said they were going to do it,
14:02and it happened.
14:04And they're the only ones
14:05that could have done it.
14:05Who is they?
14:07What do you mean you don't know,
14:08and it's a top person,
14:09and they seem to be running it?
14:11Is the president getting catfished?
14:14I've been messaging with someone on Facebook.
14:16He says he's a top person at Bank of America.
14:18He says there's an account with my name on it.
14:21They're not to brag.
14:21I got a million dollars in it,
14:23and all I have to do is give him
14:24my Social Security number,
14:25and he seems to be in charge of a lot of stuff,
14:28because he sent a photo of himself at work
14:29that looks very real.
14:33But if you're worried
14:34about the president's negotiating skills,
14:36don't worry.
14:36Pete Hegseth is also involved,
14:38which makes sense,
14:39because this whole thing was his idea.
14:41And he's making sure
14:43to keep the pressure on Iran.
14:45We see ourselves
14:46as part of this negotiation as well.
14:48We negotiate with bombs.
14:50You have a choice
14:51as we loiter over the top of Tehran,
14:54as the president talked about,
14:55about your future.
14:56The president has made it clear
14:57that you will not have a nuclear weapon.
14:59The War Department agrees.
15:01Our job is to ensure that.
15:02And so we're keeping our hand
15:03on that throttle
15:05as long as it's hard
15:06as it's necessary.
15:11Yeah, I don't think
15:12that's how you meant to say that.
15:15We're keeping our hand
15:16on the throttle
15:16as long as it's hard
15:17and necessary.
15:18And then sometimes we'll,
15:19you know,
15:19we'll take the pressure up,
15:20you know?
15:22Sometimes we'll take
15:22the pressure down.
15:23Sometimes we'll go up,
15:24and then, you know,
15:24we'll just go up and down
15:26so the throttle
15:26doesn't know what to expect.
15:27And then, you know,
15:28just when the enemy thinks
15:29it's over
15:29and the job's nearly done.
15:30Yeah, we'll speed up
15:31and the throttle really fast
15:33until the last bomb explodes.
15:34And, you know,
15:35then we'll clean up
15:38and get the hell out of here.
15:40I haven't seen
15:40that hand motion
15:41since I saw everyone
15:43on my crew
15:43meet Mr. Met.
15:48By the way,
15:49I'm not the only one
15:50who thought the throttle
15:50was a weird analogy.
15:51Check out Trump's face
15:52while Hegseth was speaking.
15:53We're keeping our hand
15:55on that throttle
15:56as long as it's hard
15:57as it's necessary.
16:09He looks like a nerd
16:11in an 80s movie
16:11when a lady's towel falls off.
16:14Trump's thinking to himself,
16:16uh-oh,
16:16they're going to use
16:17that clip on Seth Meyers tonight.
16:20He's talking about
16:21going long and hard
16:22on a throttle
16:22and look at this point,
16:24the jokes, you know,
16:25they write themselves,
16:26don't they, folks?
16:27With Biden,
16:28you had to write your own jokes,
16:29but now they write themselves.
16:30I'm bringing
16:31the self-writing jokes back.
16:34So now Trump's approval rating
16:35is at its lowest point
16:37since he returned to office
16:38with over 60% of Americans
16:39saying they disapprove
16:40of the job he's doing.
16:41But Trump wants you to think
16:42that actually everyone's psyched.
16:43Today, he wrote on social media,
16:44and this is real,
16:46Public is loving ICE.
16:47They are great American patriots.
16:48They just happen to have
16:49much larger and harder muscles
16:50than most,
16:51which is what they are supposed to have.
16:53Whoa!
16:54Hand off the throttle, big fella!
16:59Trump promised three big things
17:00in his campaign,
17:01lower prices,
17:02no new wars,
17:03and deporting violent criminals,
17:04and he's zero for three.
17:05Now he can't even find his way
17:07out of a war with Iran
17:08that's both unpopular
17:09and driving prices up.
17:10He's panicking.
17:11Every time he sees his poll numbers
17:13go down on TV,
17:14he says...
17:14Oh!
17:18Real quick,
17:18it's spring break,
17:19and so my son Axel's here,
17:21and...
17:25Before a closer look,
17:27he basically bullied me
17:29into giving him a dollar
17:30every time I cursed
17:31in a closer look.
17:33How much?
17:34Twelve bucks!
17:35Twelve bucks?
17:39I don't think we can...
17:40I don't think we can afford it.
17:42This has been a closer look.
17:48We'll be right back
17:49with Chelsea Handler.
17:57For more of Seth's Closer Looks,
17:59be sure to subscribe
18:00to Late Night on YouTube.
18:08Our first guest tonight
18:09is a Grammy-nominated comedian
18:10and best-selling author.
18:12Tickets to the second leg
18:13of her High and Mighty tour
18:14go on sale March 27th
18:15at ChelseaHandler.com.
18:17Please welcome me to the show,
18:18my friend Chelsea Handler,
18:19everybody!
18:19Thank you, everybody!
18:30Yeah!
18:32How are you?
18:33I'm great.
18:34How are you?
18:35I'm wonderful,
18:35and I kind of can't comprehend
18:37how, with your busy
18:38touring schedule,
18:39you've also found time
18:40on social media
18:40to launch your own dating service.
18:43Yes.
18:43Yeah.
18:44And it's not like an app.
18:47No, I decided
18:48it was an emergency.
18:49Yeah.
18:49I was at a party,
18:51and there were so many, like,
18:52very successful,
18:54really good-looking women
18:55who were just like,
18:56it's so rough out there.
18:58Yeah.
18:58And I was like,
18:58I got home,
18:59I was a little buzzed,
19:00and I went,
19:01and I recorded a message
19:02for Instagram and said,
19:04hey, I want to help people connect,
19:05even if it's in the comments.
19:06Like, just say what you're looking for.
19:08I want people to get penetration
19:10and, you know,
19:11meet,
19:11and the people who want
19:12something more serious
19:13also to facilitate that,
19:15you know?
19:16And my DMs filled up
19:18with a lot of messages,
19:20and about 90% of them
19:22are from gay guys.
19:23Okay.
19:24So, but I'm not worried
19:27about gay men having sex.
19:29Yeah.
19:29That's clearly happening
19:31everywhere we go.
19:32Yeah.
19:33So, I was trying to help women,
19:35and now...
19:35I feel like, you know,
19:35with all due respect,
19:36because, again,
19:37I think they're all crushing it.
19:38Like, you know,
19:39this isn't time to get out of,
19:40please get out of this queue.
19:42Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, right.
19:44Allow space for people
19:45who aren't getting as much action.
19:47Because gay men,
19:48I basically turned into Grindr,
19:50is basically what's happened.
19:51Because I want people to,
19:53I want them to hook up.
19:53Have you made any matches?
19:55I have.
19:55I've made a couple,
19:56but then it became overwhelming,
19:57so I had to involve
19:58some other people.
19:59Got it.
20:00To go look and sort through.
20:01So, there's going to be updates,
20:03but I just want to make
20:04an announcement while I'm here.
20:05Please.
20:05Thank you for this opportunity.
20:06I know you're married,
20:07so, obviously,
20:08count yourself out.
20:09Okay.
20:10But for any straight men out there
20:12that are really looking
20:13for, like, an awesome woman,
20:15if you're serious
20:16about a relationship
20:17and you have a job
20:21and everything seems normal,
20:23people like you,
20:24you have friends,
20:25please DM me.
20:26Like, I can find you a woman.
20:28I can.
20:29Yeah.
20:29I have access to the best women.
20:31Can I say something?
20:32What I like about this is,
20:34look, I feel like
20:35you could go in a dating app,
20:36you could maybe, like,
20:37you know, look,
20:37you could tell white lies.
20:39I would not feel comfortable
20:40doing that with you, right?
20:41If I'm turning myself over
20:42to you, Chelsea Handler,
20:44I know that if I'm lying
20:45about stuff,
20:45you will call them out.
20:46Yeah.
20:47There will be problems.
20:48Yeah.
20:49But I've also, conversely,
20:51like, I do, you know,
20:52there's some things wrong
20:53in the world.
20:54You know, people are not
20:55meeting the same way
20:56they used to.
20:56Men are,
20:57something's wrong with men,
20:58I think.
20:59Yeah.
20:59You know, straight men.
21:01Yeah.
21:01Something's wrong.
21:02Yeah.
21:02So, like, I want to help you.
21:04I want to help you meet.
21:05If you don't know
21:05how to meet women,
21:06be honest,
21:07and we'll help you.
21:08Can I tell you
21:09why things are,
21:10what's wrong
21:10with straight white men?
21:11Is it because...
21:12We're under attack.
21:16I understand.
21:17I understand.
21:18And I understand
21:18the fragility
21:19that goes along with that.
21:20But in order to come on...
21:21You walk a day
21:22in our shoes.
21:24You are under attack.
21:25Yeah, it's so hard.
21:26It's so hard.
21:27It almost feels like
21:28men over 50
21:29need some sort of
21:30iPhone update.
21:31You know what I mean?
21:32Like, that hasn't been
21:33made available to them
21:35because you haven't
21:35updated your phone.
21:36Like, you just need
21:37a refresh.
21:38And I honestly think
21:39everything will be okay.
21:40That's really great.
21:41The problem is,
21:42none of us can remember
21:42to plug our phones in
21:43all night.
21:43And it has to be plugged in.
21:45It won't update
21:45if the phone's not plugged in.
21:46Do you like when people
21:47try to set you up?
21:49I don't think so.
21:50Yeah.
21:50I never did either.
21:51I don't really...
21:52It's never really
21:53worked out that I can recall.
21:55Yeah.
21:55I'm going to find
21:56what I'm looking for.
21:57On your own.
21:57On my own.
21:58You prefer to have
21:59your own agency
22:00in those moments.
22:01Yes.
22:01I like...
22:02If a man...
22:02Like, for instance,
22:03this is good.
22:04When a man hits on me,
22:05I know that they're confident
22:06because I know that
22:08most men are icked out by me.
22:09You know what I mean?
22:10I wouldn't say icked out.
22:12I'd say intimidated.
22:13I'd buy into that.
22:14Okay, fine.
22:14You can frame it
22:15in a nice way.
22:16I'll frame it as icked out.
22:18Men are like,
22:18it's a lot of women,
22:19you know?
22:20So if you do approach me,
22:22I find that to be
22:23attractive and charming.
22:24I'm like,
22:25oh, look at this guy.
22:25He thinks he can talk to me.
22:27And then I'm interested.
22:29So men,
22:29keep this in mind, okay?
22:30Yeah.
22:31We like the attention.
22:33You have a new boyfriend.
22:34Congratulations.
22:35Well, thank you.
22:36Is it true
22:37that you met him at...
22:39You met him
22:39at the slot machines
22:40in Las Vegas?
22:41I met him...
22:41No, I don't use
22:42the slot machines.
22:42Okay, good.
22:43Come on.
22:44He's 105.
22:45I was gambling.
22:47Yes, yes.
22:47I was gambling.
22:49He had money.
22:49I was out of money.
22:50My friends had lost my money.
22:52I borrowed money.
22:53And then he wanted
22:54to go on a date.
22:55And I told him
22:55that I was going to Antarctica.
22:57And he went to Antarctica
22:58for our first date.
22:59So we've been dating
23:00ever since.
23:01Really?
23:01Yeah.
23:02Isn't that cute?
23:04What a way to start things.
23:05Yeah, I was...
23:06Again, what I was saying before,
23:08like, not everybody
23:08can obviously go to Antarctica
23:09or wants to.
23:11But I thought I was going
23:12on a psychedelic conference
23:14to Antarctica.
23:15So obviously,
23:16it was a work trip.
23:17I mean, if a woman told me that,
23:20I'd be like,
23:20oh, so she's a liar.
23:22Yes, right.
23:24Exactly.
23:25Oh.
23:25So, but a big move
23:27like that, I liked.
23:28Yeah.
23:28I liked that.
23:29That made me attracted.
23:30Then I was interested again
23:31in seeing him.
23:32This is not him.
23:34But I do want to ask
23:35what you're doing right here
23:36because this is a man
23:37on a bed in a towel
23:38and that's you seeming
23:39to inject something in him.
23:40And by the way,
23:41this isn't a gotcha photo.
23:43You brought this.
23:44I brought this, yes.
23:45I posted this today.
23:47This is one of my gay publicists
23:48who's also single and available
23:50if you're interested.
23:51Okay, great.
23:52He's tagged in this photo
23:53on Instagram.
23:54I took him skiing.
23:55I took some friends
23:55to Aspen this weekend.
23:56I had a work commitment
23:57and I decided to make
23:59a few days,
24:00a trip out of it.
24:01And he had never skied before
24:03and he ended up
24:04with a hematoma
24:04on the side of his hip.
24:06Oh, wow.
24:06From falling and skiing.
24:08And that's me.
24:09Actually, I'm vaping.
24:11That's not injecting.
24:13It looks like I'm injecting.
24:14I am actually.
24:15You're just looking at it
24:16and vaping.
24:17Well, exactly.
24:21Yeah, that's great.
24:22Yes.
24:22So not like medical professional,
24:24just more like curious person.
24:26I think I've mentioned
24:28this to you before.
24:29I have an extensive
24:30medical background
24:31and I like to consider myself
24:32a farm-to-table gynecologist.
24:34Yeah.
24:35So I was looking
24:36at the damage
24:37and then I was
24:38medicating myself
24:39so that I didn't
24:40get carried away.
24:41But he's going to be okay
24:42and he's going to be ready
24:43for Coachella
24:44for anyone who wants
24:45to meet him there.
24:46I got a lot more
24:47to ask Chelsea
24:47right after this, everybody.
25:02¡SuscrĂbete al canal!
25:19¡SuscrĂbete al canal!
25:49¡SuscrĂbete al canal!
25:52¡SuscrĂbete al canal!
26:08¡SuscrĂbete al canal!
26:37¡SuscrĂbete al canal!
26:58¡SuscrĂbete al canal!
27:15¡SuscrĂbete al canal!
27:18¡SuscrĂbete al canal!
27:37¡SuscrĂbete al canal!
27:40¡SuscrĂbete al canal!
27:51¡SuscrĂbete al canal!
28:11¡SuscrĂbete al canal!
28:30¡SuscrĂbete al canal!
28:33¡SuscrĂbete al canal!
28:35¡SuscrĂbete al canal!
28:55¡SuscrĂbete al canal!
29:04¡SuscrĂbete al canal!
29:07¡SuscrĂbete al canal!
29:15¡SuscrĂbete al canal!
29:20¡SuscrĂbete al canal!
29:28¡SuscrĂbete al canal!
29:31¡SuscrĂbete al canal!
29:38¡SuscrĂbete al canal!
29:40¡SuscrĂbete al canal!
29:42¡SuscrĂbete al canal!
29:43y por informaciĂłn sobre el tour de visitas sheltiehandler.com
29:46We'll be right back with Aza González
30:02Our next guest, a very talented actress
30:04who you know from such films as Baby Driver, Hobbs & Shaw
30:08founder of youth in the Netflix series Three Body Problems
30:10She stars in the action comedy Mike and Nick and Nick and Alice
30:13which premieres March 27th on Hulu
30:15Let's take a look
30:19Holy
30:30So there's two Nicks
30:32Well, you have some questions
30:33I would imagine you would have some questions
30:34I had a lot of questions
30:36Well, I do have a question
30:39What's Nick's from the future?
30:42What? How did you know?
30:43Are you from the past?
30:44I'm from the future
30:46Six months from now
30:48How did you?
30:49Well, Simon's my friend, remember?
30:51I mean, he told me why he wanted money from you guys
30:53but I thought he was a f*** cook
30:54But
30:56God damn
30:58Simon figured how to f*** time travel
31:00Please welcome to the show
31:02Aza González, everybody
31:18Welcome to the show, Aza
31:20Oh my God, your studio's so beautiful
31:21It's a very beautiful studio
31:23It's a very good vibe
31:24You were just in Austin, South by Southwest
31:27One of the great festivals
31:28Ooh, we got some Austin locals
31:30We do have some Austin
31:31Or just people who recognize the name
31:34Are you?
31:35We got some real geography heads here
31:37Yeah, they're like
31:37We know where that is
31:37We know where that is
31:38I know where that is
31:39Um, yeah, I was there
31:41It was such a good time
31:42I lived in Austin
31:43It was the first place I ever moved to
31:45When I moved to the U.S.
31:47So it's
31:48It has a beautiful place in my heart
31:49You know, Texans are kind of like
31:51Border
31:51It's in border Mexico
31:53So it's like same, same, but different
31:54Yeah, yeah, yeah
31:55This is a very fun movie title to say
31:58And one of the reasons we hear the name twice
32:00As you might have guessed
32:01Is there's two Vince Vons
32:02Yeah
32:03Now, one Vince Vaughn
32:04Already a force of nature
32:06I love watching one Vince Vaughn
32:08Like double Vince Vaughn
32:09Also, have you seen how tall he is?
32:11Yeah
32:12And I have to say, he said this
32:13I'm not going to say something mean about it
32:15But he said he's circus tall
32:16Which is true
32:17Yeah
32:18He is circus tall
32:19I mean, there's photos of us
32:21And I'm just looking seven feet up
32:22It's incredible
32:23So the interesting thing is
32:24Because there's two Vince Vons
32:25You had to use a body double
32:27So did they have to find
32:28A circus tall body double?
32:30They did
32:31I don't know how they found him
32:32In Winnipeg, by the way
32:34Really?
32:35No one from Winnipeg?
32:36No, no, no
32:37No woo for Winnipeg
32:38People know it
32:39But they're like
32:39No, thank you
32:41Yeah
32:43Yeah, well
32:43That's amazing
32:44Like, I feel bad for the casting person
32:46But they're like
32:46We need someone
32:47Vince Vaughn tall
32:48They got to be from Winnipeg
32:49From Winnipeg
32:50Yeah, but they found him
32:51Tall Canadians
32:52This is a
32:53This is a very genre-bending
32:55This is a crime movie
32:56Super fun
32:56Gangsters
32:57Also time travel
32:59Sci-fi
32:59I would assume
33:01Fun to make
33:02Oh, my God
33:03A laugh every day
33:04Everyone is just funny
33:05And then there's like
33:06A cat who's number one
33:07In the call sheet
33:08Strangely
33:09But this is
33:10Is it true, though
33:11That that's problematic for you
33:12That you are actually
33:12In real life
33:14Deathly allergic to cats
33:15I am
33:16Deathly allergic to cats
33:17So why would you take a cat movie?
33:21Aza, do you just love the work so much?
33:23Yeah, you know
33:24First of all
33:24I do have a mortgage to pay
33:26And then I think
33:27I think secondly
33:29I just
33:29You know
33:30Actors lie
33:31That's our job
33:32We lie for a living
33:33Oh, did you say you're good with cats?
33:34Were you like
33:35Oh, yeah
33:35You don't got to worry about me and cats
33:36And then they're like
33:37You guys
33:38Aza's crying
33:39Maybe
33:39Yeah
33:40Maybe
33:41He was like
33:41How do you feel about cats?
33:42I'm like
33:43Love them
33:43Amazing
33:44Who does not love cats?
33:45Is it observable
33:46How allergic you are to cats?
33:48Oh, I'm like
33:48I could die
33:49Like truly
33:50It's like a
33:51Kind of take me to the hospital situation
33:53So when the cat got cast
33:55Well, when
33:55Sorry, pardon me
33:56When I got cast
33:57The cat
33:58Was a whole conversation
33:59And then I kind of had to
34:00Break it to the director
34:01And be like
34:02Well, you know
34:02I forgot to mention
34:03A little detail
34:04And he said
34:05What's that?
34:06And I was like
34:06Well, I think
34:07I can't really be with the cat
34:09And he's like
34:10The whole premise of the story
34:11Is the cat
34:13And Ben David has a
34:14You know
34:14He had a cat
34:15Who passed away
34:16Right when we started
34:17Filming the movie
34:17So he has like
34:18A very specific feeling
34:20Around cats
34:20And so I try to like
34:21Walk him through
34:22Maybe the potential option
34:24Of having a hairless cat
34:26Right
34:26And it was
34:28It really created
34:30Some tension
34:30I mean
34:31Guys
34:32This cat
34:33Had more perks
34:35Than anyone on this set
34:36He was like
34:36No
34:36You have to see
34:37The performance of this cat
34:38We can't really change
34:40Oh, he wouldn't
34:40He wouldn't recast the cat
34:42No, the cat was a star
34:43And no one could
34:44Like get in the way of that
34:46By the way
34:46Anyone who saw the clip
34:48And then is hearing
34:49Like it's a movie
34:50About a cat
34:52Is like
34:52This thing
34:53Seems to be a real ride
34:55Why?
34:55Imagine
34:56Yeah
34:57And cannibals
34:59You wouldn't know
35:00There's cannibals
35:01In this story too
35:02But here we are
35:02It was like
35:03We couldn't find a clip
35:04That told you
35:05Everything we need
35:05But that's why
35:06You have to watch
35:07The movie this Friday
35:09But you are not anti-animals
35:11You grew up around
35:12A ton of animals
35:13I love animals
35:14In Mexico City
35:14Yeah
35:15My father was kind of
35:16A weird animal collector
35:19And he
35:20There's no
35:21There's no normal
35:22Animal collector
35:23Yeah
35:25That's definitely true
35:26What did he collect?
35:28What kind of animals
35:28Did you have?
35:29We had at one point
35:31A toucan
35:32A duck
35:33A cageless hamster
35:35This is an apartment
35:36In Mexico City
35:37Mind you
35:38An apartment
35:39Wait
35:39Is a cageless hamster
35:40Like
35:40Is that actually
35:41A kind of hamster
35:42Or does it just mean
35:43You didn't have a cage
35:44I just didn't have
35:45A cage for it
35:46Yeah, yeah
35:46That's such a
35:47It's like something
35:48You tell a landlord
35:49You're like
35:49No, you don't understand
35:50Yeah
35:51It's a cageless hamster
35:53He needs to have
35:54A room for himself
35:55And by the way
35:56He decided to
35:57Appetate my brother's
35:59Like closet
36:00At the bottom of the closet
36:01And he hated it
36:02He was miserable
36:03He's like
36:03You're
36:04Goddamn
36:05Oats is here again
36:07And he's just so fat
36:08Also, he was this big
36:09Was the name
36:10Oats
36:11Mr. Eats
36:12Oats is a very good name
36:13For a cageless hamster
36:14He was a cutie
36:15But yeah, there was a point
36:17Where he was there
36:17And then the duck
36:18And then my duck
36:19Became really bonded
36:20To our lovely cleaning lady
36:22Who's been with me
36:23Since I was a child
36:23And so there was a moment
36:25Where I don't know
36:26I didn't know this
36:27But maybe you did
36:28That kind of ducks
36:29Bond to one person
36:31And so if she wasn't
36:32In her side
36:33It was like
36:33Quack
36:33Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack.
36:40All day long.
36:42And then you call up the duck store and they're like,
36:44well, did you let her bond with someone who, well, you got to know that.
36:47Yeah, you can't let her bond with someone who's not you.
36:51Yeah, because then there becomes a headache for you.
36:52I did not know that about ducks, but fortunately I didn't need to know it because I, you know.
36:57Now you do.
36:57I never had a duck in the house.
36:58Yeah, you should not.
37:00I wouldn't recommend it.
37:01My neighbors did not love us.
37:02Everything I already assumed was it would be bad to have a pet duck.
37:06And now that you added another thing that's like, before you rush into a pet duck, it's like, I wasn't.
37:12Oh, no, no.
37:12We had everything.
37:13That's pretty awesome.
37:15Squirrels?
37:15Squirrels.
37:16A toucan that would walk me to the school and back.
37:18Like, it was, we were just a circus.
37:20So you grew up in an animated film.
37:22Yeah.
37:23I am the, I'm a real life Disney princess.
37:26Well, hold on.
37:27There's more to this than possible because you were, you were a Nickelodeon princess.
37:31I was.
37:31All right.
37:32So you were.
37:32Oh, God.
37:33All right.
37:33So this is a, this is not, this was, you were an actual pop star in Latin America.
37:38In another life.
37:39Yes.
37:39In another life.
37:40But this is, you were Roxy Pop.
37:42There she is.
37:42This is a.
37:44And we, we talked on a podcast.
37:48This is an incredible story that you were a very successful touring pop star who then came
37:52to New York to be a theater student.
37:55So this is your late teens, you're in New York City, you're studying acting.
37:59And then like on weekends, it's like a real life Hannah Montana story.
38:02You would go and do massive touring.
38:05Yeah.
38:05It was really funny because, well, I started working when I was 12 years old.
38:09I was really young.
38:10I wanted to, I just really wanted to pursue singing and acting and.
38:13You probably wanted to get out of the house.
38:15The duck was in.
38:15I did.
38:16That duck was driving me nuts.
38:19And so basically I started pursuing my career and I started working really young, but I
38:24always dreamt of doing theater or moving to the U.S.
38:27And so I was very lucky and I got cast in a couple of shows growing up, but then I
38:32eventually
38:32booked Nickelodeon and I played Roxy Pop and she's, it's kind of a ripoff of Hannah Montana.
38:37Really?
38:38Shame on Nickelodeon.
38:40Sorry.
38:41I will never be hired by them.
38:43We're so glad you can finally admit it.
38:44But anyway, so I was cast as that and then I was touring on the weekends and then I
38:49had to do homeschool and I had to do all that.
38:51And on the weekends when I eventually moved to New York and got into Strasburg, well, I
38:58had to pack my classes from Monday to Thursday and then on the weekends I would tour and then
39:02everyone would come back on Monday and be like, what do you guys do for the weekend?
39:05They're like, oh my God, I went to visit my family.
39:06And I was like, well, I did three stadiums and then I came back.
39:10But also this is the era that there's no, you know, we didn't have internet.
39:13So understanding that I was a pop star in a different country, this is like early 2000s.
39:18So everybody just thought you were insane.
39:19They were like, she's a little special.
39:22She's like, she said she did stadium tour this weekend.
39:25With a wig.
39:27She's been watching TV too much.
39:29Yeah.
39:30And so, yeah, I made it.
39:31I got in Strasburg at 18 years old.
39:33I applied and only five people got approved.
39:35Well, congratulations.
39:37We're very lucky to have you.
39:38Thanks so much for being here.
39:40Thank you.
39:40It's a delight to talk to you.
39:41Thank you.
39:42Thank you so much for being here.
39:43Thank you so much for being here on Hulu on March 27th.
39:47We'll be right back.
39:56Come join the audience at Late Night Live in Studio 8G.
39:59For tickets, head over to LateNightSethTickets.com.
40:02Follow us at Late Night Seth on all social media platforms.
40:06Subscribe to Late Night Seth on YouTube.
40:08Find us online at LateNightSeth.com.
40:11And subscribe to the Late Night Podcast, featuring a closer look, guest interviews, and more.
40:16Available wherever you listen to podcasts.
40:26I want to thank my guest, Chelsea Handler, Asa Gonzalez.
40:29So I want to thank my son Axel, who's on Spring Break and watch the show without talking interrupting.
40:34Thanks for watching, everybody.
40:35We love you.
Comments