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Stephen Colbert 2026 03 10 Michelle Pfeiffer JOAN
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00:01President Trump is making wildly conflicting comments about the war with Iran.
00:06Trump made contradictory claims about when the war could end.
00:09Mr. President, you've said the war is, quote, very complete,
00:12but your defense secretary says this is just the beginning.
00:14So which is it, and how long should Americans be prepared for this war to last?
00:17Well, I think you can say both.
00:25Closing time.
00:27Open up and close it,
00:29cause we're stopping and beginning the end.
00:35Closing time.
00:37What don't you understand?
00:39It's the finish and the start and it's done.
00:45I know I sound like I am it's joke.
00:50Does anyone else smell burning toast?
00:55My brain works and also it is broke.
01:00Start or stop.
01:06Or both.
01:08It's the Lit Show with Stephen Colbert.
01:12Tonight or or else.
01:16Plus, Stephen welcomes Michelle Pfeiffer and musical guest Dave Matthews.
01:27Featuring Louis Cato and the great big joy machine.
01:31And now, live on tape from the Ed Sullivan Theater in New York City, it's Stephen Colbert.
02:03Welcome, friends, to the Late Show.
02:05I'm your host, Stephen Colbert.
02:10I hope you guys got out today.
02:12It was a fantastic day in New York.
02:14It was 70s, sunny, it would be a great day to hold a parade, and I guess we should.
02:21Because, according to the president, the war in Iran is over.
02:26Yesterday, he told a CBS reporter, I think the war is very complete, pretty much.
02:35Oh, so it's not totally over.
02:38Oh, now it seems weird that I ran down to Times Square and French kissed an Elmo.
02:44Yeah.
02:53Coughing up red fur all day.
02:55After he declared victory, Trump tried to reassure a nervous GOP that despite the recent
03:01spike in the price of oil, his war is no biggie.
03:04We took a little excursion because we felt we had to do that to get rid of some evil.
03:10And I think you'll see it's going to be a short-term excursion.
03:13Yes.
03:14Just a little excursion, a little short-term excursion, just like Royal Caribbean Cruises,
03:21where you can choose excursions between snorkeling, rum tasting, and regime change.
03:28Yeah, that's an upcharge.
03:29That's an upcharge.
03:31Regime change is a little, just a little bit, it's going to be great, though.
03:34Midnight regime change.
03:36Trump doubled down on his peace message yesterday at a press conference at his Doral Golf Club.
03:41A reporter asked him about the apparent inconsistency in his administration's messages.
03:46You've said the war is, quote, very complete.
03:49But your defense secretary says this is just the beginning.
03:52So which is it?
03:52And how long should Americans be prepared for this?
03:54Well, I think you could say it both.
03:56So...
03:57So it's over, but somehow still going.
04:01It's the military strategy known as Grey's Anatomy.
04:06It's a quality show.
04:08I'm a huge Ellen Pompeo fan.
04:13Trump kept trying to have it both ways.
04:15We could call it a tremendous success right now as we leave here, I could call it.
04:20Or we could go further, and we're going to go further.
04:23Oh, okay.
04:25So we've achieved success, but we're not going to stop.
04:28It's like, it's like that Kenny Rogers song.
04:31You gotta know when to hold them.
04:35Know when to hold them.
04:37Know when to hold them.
04:40Know when to hold them.
04:44Hours.
04:45Hours.
04:45We love Kenny.
04:47We miss you, Kenny.
04:48We miss you, Kenny.
04:53Hours after declaring the war over, Trump took to social media to threaten Iran over the
04:59Strait of Hormuz, which brings me to Hormuz News You Can Use, part twos.
05:10Let's get straight to it.
05:13Twenty to thirty percent of the world's oil passes through the Strait of Hormuz, making
05:17it a major player in the world of straits.
05:19That's why it was disturbing when earlier today CBS News reported that U.S. intelligence
05:25assets have begun to see indications Iran is taking steps to deploy mines in the Strait
05:30of Hormuz shipping lane.
05:32Oh, yeah.
05:33That's not, that's not good, which means it's time to update the graphic.
05:37It's now Hormuz News You Can Use, part twos.
05:43Ker-blews.
05:52Trump was not happy with the report posting, if Iran has put out any mines in the Hormuz
05:57Strait, and we have no reports of them doing so, we want them removed immediately.
06:02If for any reason mines were placed and they are not removed forthwith, the military consequences
06:07into Iran will be at a level never seen before.
06:12Oh, the gloves are off Iran.
06:15If those mines aren't removed tonight, he's gonna put a giant screen on your southern border
06:20and show you all the Melania movie.
06:23Okay?
06:24Sorry.
06:26Geneva Conventions be damned.
06:30So far, this war has cost over $6 billion, but burning through cash is nothing new
06:35for Secretary of War Pete Hegseth, because a government watchdog discovered that he blew
06:40billions on things like $5.3 million for new iPads, $60,000 for Herman Miller recliners,
06:47and $12,000 for fruit basket stands.
06:50Wait, you're ordering?
06:52What?
06:52That's what I think.
06:53What?
06:56Is that you?
06:57Did you say that out loud?
07:01Thank you for paying attention to the words I say, madam.
07:14Either that or you just woke up in this theater.
07:16What?
07:18Not again!
07:22So anyway, $12,000 for fruit.
07:24Okay?
07:25Wait, you're ordering fruit?
07:26This is my emotional state, right?
07:27Okay.
07:29You're ordering fruit baskets so fancy they come with a stand?
07:32Come on, Pete.
07:33If you need fruit at work, do the normal thing.
07:35Put a clementine in your tote and find it three weeks later when it's a furry gray golf
07:39ball.
07:41Hegseth also...
07:43I'm with her.
07:47Hegseth also went all out on the buffet.
07:50Reportedly, the Pentagon spent $2 million on crab legs, $6.9 million on lobster tail,
07:56and over $15 million on ribeye steaks.
08:00No, no, no, no, no, boo.
08:04They're just hearkening back to our founders, as Paul Revere declared on his famous ride,
08:09one-if by surf, two-if by turf.
08:19It wasn't all high-class food.
08:21They also spent $140,000 on donuts, $124,000 on ice cream machines, and $3,160 on stickers
08:30with characters from Door of the Explorer, Frozen, and Paw Patrol.
08:34And despite all that, nobody came to Pete Hegseth's birthday party.
08:40It was...
08:47This was an historic splurge.
08:49In 2025 alone, the Pentagon spent $225 million on new furniture, which is more in one year
08:56than it had in over a decade.
08:58And I'm being told we have a photo of the government employee ordering all that furniture.
09:04Do you have a good shot?
09:07Do you have a good shot?
09:08If you know what I mean.
09:12Now, most of these purchases have no military purpose.
09:15For instance, Hegseth spent over $98,000 for a Steinway Grand Piano for the Air Force Chief of Staff's home.
09:24What kind of Air Force Chief of Staff...
09:26I agree.
09:28What kind of Air Force Chief of Staff needs a Grand P...
09:31Okay, that makes sense.
09:33Trump also has big plans for America's feet.
09:36I'll tell you all about it in tonight's...
09:39Shoes News!
09:42Shoes!
09:45We gotta get those Shoes News to the...
09:47To the Strait of Hormuz, we'll be...
09:49There you go.
09:52Reportedly, the President has started doling out dress shoes to friends and advisors, guessing people's shoe size in front of
09:59them, and a week later sending them a pair of Florsheim wingtips.
10:03You know, there's a word for a leader selecting clothing for his disciples.
10:08It's cult.
10:12Put on the Florsheims as Father instructs, then slip on the purple poncho and prepare to board the comet for
10:20our journey to Sky-a-Lago.
10:24And it's not just a couple...
10:29I put even less effort into that impression than usual just then.
10:33It's not just a couple pairs of shoes, folks.
10:35White House officials are saying, all the boys have them.
10:38And it's hysterical, because everybody's afraid to not wear them.
10:43Ha-ha!
10:44Hysterical, just like that classic joke.
10:46Knock, knock!
10:47Who's there?
10:48It's the man who checks the shoes.
10:49I see you're not wearing them.
10:50Get in the van.
10:53So far, the folks seen wearing Trump's mandatory man-shoe include J.D. Vance, Marco Rubio, Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy,
11:04Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick,
11:08Sean Hannity, and Senator Lindsey Graham.
11:10Or, as they're collectively known, Trump's wet little shoe cucks.
11:14Now, check out...
11:18That's not nice.
11:19That's not a nice thing to say.
11:22Let's take that out.
11:23Ha-ha-ha!
11:26Check them out, sporting their matching brogues in Davos.
11:30But remember, Trump is just guessing at their shoe sizes.
11:33He's not measuring them.
11:35He's guessing, then ordering, and sometimes he actually overshoots.
11:41Take a look at J.D. Vance and Marco Rubio's itty-bitty ankles drowning in their giant clown shoes.
11:53What is crazier, what is crazier than that?
11:55Here's another recent shot of Marco's actual feet, where he looks like a kid who tried on his dad's shoes
12:10to pretend to be secretary of big boys.
12:15One person, one more person confused by the shoes is the owner of the shoe company, who said he was
12:23unaware of the president's orders and declined to comment further.
12:28Not great when your shoes become associated with a widely reviled madman.
12:33It's why Nike stopped making the Air Jared from Subways.
12:37We've got a great show for you tonight.
12:40My guests on the show are Pfeiffer and Dave Matthews.
12:43We're going to come back.
12:45Meanwhile, please join us on the show.
12:47Whoo!
12:47Whoo!
12:51Whoo!
13:03Whoo!
13:05Whoo!
13:06Yeah!
13:10Whoo!
13:12Whoo!
13:12Whoo!
13:13Whoo!
13:13Whoo!
13:13Whoo!
13:13Whoo!
13:14Give it up for Luis Cato, and the great.
13:17Whoo!
13:17THE BIG JOY MACHINE!
13:20Pound that in.
13:23Folks, if you watch the show, you know I spend most of my time
13:26right over there in the news kitchen, simmering the most
13:28topical Hamburg parsley turnip, Alta-sweet rutabaga, and carrots
13:31with roasted garlic before mashing with Skogs, Brackens butter,
13:35and Arleco heavy cream, and freshly grated nutmeg to make
13:38the balanced and hearty Swedish rotmose that is my monologue.
13:42But sometimes, sometimes, folks, I, uh...
13:47Sometimes I startle a raccoon into hawking up its partially chewed
13:51watermelon rind into a discarded tuna can filled with drained water
13:54and dine out on the puddle-chud of news that is my segment...
14:01MEANWHILE!
14:04That's the only award I ever need, is MEANWHILE.
14:07That's the only honor I ever need.
14:12MEANWHILE, in Washington State, in the past few months,
14:15callers to Washington's Department of Licensing, who have requested
14:19service in Spanish, have instead heard an AI voice speaking English
14:24in a strong Spanish accent.
14:27That's a big no-no.
14:29Or as they say in Spanish, no-no.
14:34Is there video?
14:35Ah, you betcha.
14:37You push two for Spanish, and this is what you got.
14:41Thank you for calling the Department of Licensing
14:44Customer Support Center.
14:45For assistance with scheduling a driver licensing
14:48office appointment.
14:49Man, my Spanish is getting so good!
14:54I understood almost everything she said!
15:00I thank you.
15:01Meanwhile, the German woman who holds the Guinness World Record
15:05for the largest collection of Barbies earned a second title
15:09by identifying all the dolls while blindfolded.
15:15So, by taste?
15:21Meanwhile, the Brady Bunch house has officially been declared
15:25an historic landmark.
15:28As well it should be.
15:30I mean, the Brady Bunch is truly an authentic television time
15:34capsule of our culture, because if you made a show these days
15:37with that many step-siblings, it would be porn.
15:47Meanwhile, there's big primate news, because researchers in
15:50Spain gave quartz and calcite to chimpanzees, and it turns out
15:54that chimps are really into crystals.
15:57All this time, we thought of chimps as our primate cousins,
16:01but they're more like our primate aunt who lives in New Mexico.
16:12Meanwhile, in June, the New York subway system will decide
16:15whether to play ads in subways that they're calling
16:19station audio advertisements.
16:21We actually have audio...
16:24No, we actually have audio of one of the new ads.
16:34And, listen, I guarantee you, you will hear them,
16:39because the MTA says the ads will play at 75 decibels,
16:43which is roughly the same volume as a vacuum cleaner
16:46or chamber music in a small auditorium.
16:49Now, it turns out that the people offering that measurement,
16:52the researchers are from Yale University.
16:56Chamber music in a small auditorium is the most Yale way
17:00to measure sound I've ever heard.
17:04E-gad!
17:05Ah!
17:06What's that?
17:09Eighty decibels?
17:10Why, that's the volume of six whiff-em-poofs in distress.
17:14What did you say?
17:16Oh, a vacuum cleaner?
17:17Yes, I suppose you could measure sound in power tools.
17:20How very Cornell of you.
17:28We are poor little lambs who have lost our way.
17:32But these ads may end up being even louder,
17:35because the last time the MTA did this was a few years ago
17:38when they played ads for The Lion King,
17:40which they promised would only be 78 decibels,
17:43but ended up playing at a staggering 99 decibels,
17:47which is louder than a blender.
17:49Okay, I think they were just honoring that scene from the movie.
17:53Laguna madata!
17:55Ain't no passing craze!
17:58It needs a...
18:03We'll be right back with Michelle Pfeiffer.
18:10Going around!
18:12Go!
18:12Hey!
18:15Baby, you're right?
18:28Whoo!
18:32Welcome back, everybody.
18:34Ladies and gentlemen, my first guest tonight is an Oscar-nominated actress you know from
18:40Dangerous Liaisons, Batman Returns, and Ant-Man and the Wasp.
18:44She now stars in The Madison.
18:52Where are you going?
18:54It's your father.
18:55So where are you going?
18:57It is rude to talk on the phone in a restaurant.
18:59It is also rude to play on your phone in a restaurant and serve the Internet.
19:04Basically, what all of you are doing right now is rude.
19:08Rude to who?
19:10It's rude to me.
19:11It's rude to each other.
19:12It's rude to the staff.
19:13It's just rude.
19:17Please welcome to The Late Show, Michelle Pfeiffer.
19:22Oh, darling, please believe me.
19:32I'll never do it.
19:35Oh, I'll never do it.
19:36Oh, I'll never do it.
19:38Oh, I'll never do it.
19:40Oh, I'll never do it.
19:42No, no, no, no.
19:44You sit.
19:47You sit.
19:47We stand.
19:48We stand.
19:48You're the guest.
19:49I'm the host.
19:51It's so nice to meet you.
19:52Thanks for coming on.
19:53I can't believe it's been.
19:54I haven't been on your show before.
19:56Well, you can do this a lot.
19:57It's nice to see you.
19:57I try to avoid it.
19:59Try to avoid it?
20:02Well, listen, you always seem like an actor who's incredibly thoughtful and discerning
20:07about the roles that she takes.
20:10What was it about the Madison that drew you?
20:13Did you just look at the script and say, this is it for me?
20:18Actually, I committed.
20:19There was no script.
20:21They just gave you the name of the Madison and you had to guess?
20:25So is this a Taylor Sheridan joint?
20:27Is it one of those?
20:28Yeah, Taylor Sheridan.
20:28And he asked.
20:29He said he had an idea and he wanted to meet me.
20:32But I had to go to Texas to his ranch, which was beautiful.
20:38And met some lovely people there and spent a few hours.
20:43And he talked to me through, in broad strokes, the concept of it.
20:53And I left.
20:55Did you know anything at that point?
20:57Did you feel like you got the idea?
21:00Yeah, but it was pretty basic, you know.
21:02And I said, great, so I'd love to read something.
21:05And he said, no.
21:07So you had to commit?
21:08It was just like a leap of faith here?
21:10Yeah, he said, no, I want to know who the actress is.
21:11And then I write to that actress.
21:13And I get it.
21:14That's a compliment.
21:15I said, but, you know, I like to read something and then commit.
21:19Yeah.
21:19And anyway, we went back and forth for a couple of weeks.
21:21And then I realized that was not a battle I was going to win.
21:25Okay.
21:26So I committed sight unseen.
21:28I mean, he has a pretty good track record.
21:30Sure.
21:31And I liked his kind of a fish-out-of-water story.
21:35And I play Stacey Clyburn, the matriarch of a wealthy New York family
21:44who suffer a tragedy in their lives with fractures the family.
21:49And they go to Montana.
21:53Like you do?
21:54And that's all I can tell you.
21:55Okay.
21:55Because that's what you do.
21:56I hear you reached out to a Taylor Sheridan, like, alumna to get a little of the lowdown.
22:03I did.
22:03I thought, I have to find out something about this.
22:06And so I knew that Helen Mirren was doing a show with him.
22:13And I thought...
22:13The 1923 thing with Harrison Ford.
22:15And I loved.
22:16And I know she doesn't suffer fools.
22:19And so she said, the scripts are great and best productions I've ever worked on.
22:24And I'm having a blast.
22:26So I thought, okay, well...
22:26That's no better recommendation right there.
22:29Also, this is another good one.
22:31I would take the job, if I knew this, that one of my co-stars was going to be Kurt
22:35Russell.
22:36And you two have worked together before.
22:39Here you are in Tequila Sunrise.
22:43Back in 88.
22:45Babies.
22:45I'm a huge fan.
22:46Babies.
22:47Just baby face.
22:48Was it nice to be reunited?
22:49It really was.
22:50And we were shooting and still hadn't cast Preston.
22:58And they were talking about various people.
23:02And they were like, yeah, okay, yeah, that's a good word.
23:05And then Kurt's name came up.
23:06And it was, that was it.
23:08It was, it has to be Kurt.
23:10But then he had a scheduling problem.
23:12And he was in and he was out and he was in and he was out.
23:15But I decided he was in.
23:17And because I had to, I had to.
23:20Just internally.
23:21Just, yeah, I just, and Kurt has a big personality.
23:26Yeah, he has.
23:27We just had him on.
23:27He was just on here with us on.
23:28Oh, did you?
23:29Yeah, yeah.
23:29And he's so, I don't know, he's just so joyful.
23:35And he comes in and he's just, takes command and he's, he's, you feel safe with him.
23:40He's got those damn dimples.
23:41Those dimples.
23:43I know.
23:44Come on, he just gets older and somehow it just gets, he gets, like, sexier.
23:46What about the hair?
23:48His hair is amazing.
23:49It's crazy.
23:50It's crazy.
23:51There's got to be extensions, right?
23:52I know, I think.
23:54Castor oil.
23:55Something's going on there.
23:56Something there, exactly.
23:57Yeah.
23:57That's a Chia Pet up there.
24:00We have to take a quick break.
24:01We'll be right back with more.
24:02Michelle Pfeiffer, everybody.
24:03Stick around.
24:11Hey, everybody.
24:12We're back with the star of The Madison, Michelle Pfeiffer.
24:18Now, okay, so as you say, your character goes off to the Montana wilderness.
24:23Do you enjoy, because you shot in the Montana wilderness, right?
24:26We shot in the Montana wilderness.
24:27Montana played Montana in this.
24:29And Montana is the star of the show.
24:32Okay, do you enjoy the Montana wilderness?
24:34And it is majestic.
24:35Are you outdoorsy?
24:39I'm sure your character's outdoorsy.
24:40I can be.
24:41Okay.
24:42I can be.
24:42I don't, I'm, I'm, I'm kind of a city mouse.
24:46Yeah.
24:47So beautiful, though.
24:48You must have loved being.
24:48I loved it.
24:49And I have to say, you know, leaving at, leaving when the sun hasn't come up, but comes up on
24:55your way to work and going home as the sun is setting.
24:58Sure.
24:58The most beautiful skies I've ever seen.
25:02And they call it, they call it big sky for a reason.
25:04Sure.
25:04So, yeah, we built, we were out in the middle of nowhere and they built our cabin there.
25:12And we were kind of roughing it.
25:14Oh, yeah?
25:15Yeah.
25:15Yeah, yeah, day, every day.
25:16I want to know about your, this co-star right here.
25:19Mm-hmm.
25:19I want to know about this co-star right here.
25:20That is a wolf.
25:23Is that a proper wolf?
25:25That is a proper wolf.
25:25They have a tiny bit of dog mixed in with them.
25:28Otherwise, they're not trainable.
25:29Right, yeah.
25:30Yeah.
25:31Yeah.
25:34And he was beautiful and sweet and soulful.
25:39Look at you putting your mouth right up there.
25:40I know.
25:40That is so brave.
25:41I know.
25:42For a city mouse.
25:44I have a death wish.
25:46And do you have many scenes?
25:48With the wolf?
25:49No, just one.
25:49Just one.
25:50Yeah.
25:50They said an interesting thing to me, though, as I was getting out of the car to come to
25:55the set to shoot the scene, one of the production assistants came up and said, are you wearing
26:02any leather?
26:05I was wearing a suede jacket, and they said, okay, because, and I thought, oh, God, it's
26:15going to attack me.
26:16It's a good thing they asked me.
26:18And they said, no, no, no, no, no, no, you're safe.
26:20But it will make him very sad.
26:26But wolves are carnivorous.
26:30So it's okay for him to kill a cow, but not you.
26:33I don't know.
26:33That's interesting.
26:34I don't know.
26:34Maybe a dead animal that you haven't eaten makes them sad.
26:38I don't know.
26:39Oh, wow.
26:40So did you take off the suede jacket?
26:41No, but there was something I wasn't able to do.
26:44So you made a wolf sad on purpose.
26:46Oh, oh, I know.
26:47I wasn't able to get really close to him, and so that picture was taken after the scene,
26:52and I stripped my jacket off and went over and kissed the wolf.
26:56Wow.
26:58Well, you also are in the fragrance business.
27:01I've always wanted to get my own fragrance.
27:02Is that a hard process?
27:03It was one of the hardest things I've ever done.
27:06Yeah.
27:06And, yeah, it continues to be.
27:09When my kids were young, I started, you know, reading labels and looking at ingredients,
27:15and anyway, one thing led to another, and I discovered that...
27:18This is it.
27:19Yeah, so it's a fragrance company.
27:21It's called Henry Rose.
27:23Henry Rose, named after my kids.
27:25Oh, Henry Ann Rose?
27:27Because they were the inspiration, and it's...
27:29Does it smell like your children?
27:30It's the safest.
27:32Because I wouldn't want things that smelled like my children.
27:35You know, kids don't smell that good sometimes.
27:38After the baby's...
27:38I think I'm gonna...
27:39Would you like to try it?
27:40Uh, sure.
27:41Okay, ready?
27:44Mmm.
27:4510.
27:48Oh, my gosh.
27:50Nice.
27:50I gotta...
27:52I gotta...
27:53I gotta rush home to my wife.
27:54Thank you very much.
27:56And that's for you.
27:57This is for me?
27:57Yes.
27:58Oh, I'm gonna smell so much better.
28:01Thank you so much.
28:02It's so lovely to meet you, Michelle Pfeiffer.
28:03The Madison premieres this Saturday on Paramount+.
28:06It's Michelle Pfeiffer.
28:08We'll be right back with Dave Matthews.
28:23Welcome back, everybody.
28:25Folks!
28:27My next guest tonight is a Grammy Award-winning artist who, with his band, has sold over 30
28:34million albums and 25 million concert tickets.
28:38Please welcome back to The Late Show, Dave Matthews.
29:02Come on.
29:03Hey, welcome back.
29:05Thank you very much.
29:06See you again.
29:07It's nice to...
29:07Nice to see you back in the friendly confines.
29:09I got all doll...
29:14I got all dolled up for you.
29:17I know.
29:17You look spiffy.
29:18I know.
29:19You got the shirt matches the jeans and the jacket's all gray and somber and everything.
29:23Thank you so much.
29:25Dave Matthews Band.
29:26Dave Matthews Band.
29:27Summer tour kicks off.
29:29The band has toured every summer for years now.
29:33I'm just curious, as people love your live performances, are there live performances that you've seen
29:37that blew you away and really influenced you?
29:41What sticks out to you?
29:42So, and I know you also love him, but I love...
29:46There's a lot of great shows in my life, but the one that's in my head right now is...
29:51And my family went with...
29:53We went to see David Byrne.
29:55Sure, sure.
29:56And...
29:57Yeah.
29:58And at his most recent tour with the screens and with those crazy dancers in the band.
30:03It just was the most...
30:05And I was, you know, and I'm like, I'm real emotional.
30:08And I got...
30:09And I was in crying the whole time.
30:11I just...
30:11I'm just so happy.
30:13I'm just crying the whole time.
30:14I'm probably a little bit older than you are.
30:16But you look good.
30:18You look fantastic.
30:18Exactly.
30:19You would have made it.
30:19But I was in college.
30:21I was in college when, like, the Stop Making Sense movie came out.
30:27And, like, you know, Speaking in Tongue's album, which was before that.
30:30Just unbelievable.
30:31First time I met him, I could barely talk.
30:33Yeah.
30:33He's the truest...
30:34He's the truest of artists.
30:36I just love...
30:37Because he's an art...
30:38Like, he's all-round.
30:39I mean, he's all...
30:40I don't know.
30:41I lose my mind.
30:42I'm just like...
30:43What do you mean all-round?
30:43He's all-round.
30:45I think he's visual artist.
30:47And he's lyrical artist.
30:48And he's subtle.
30:50And he's smart.
30:51And he's funny.
30:52And he's...
30:52Anyway, he's all good things wrapped into one.
30:55No.
30:56You could be describing yourself, Dave Matthews.
30:59Oh, that's very generous.
31:01Okay.
31:02You were close to a remarkable person that humanity lost not that long ago.
31:07Jane Goodall.
31:08Yeah.
31:09Here is...
31:10This is a...
31:10Listen.
31:12This is a well-rounded person, if they're friends.
31:14Look.
31:15Talk about well-rounded.
31:16Getting in a tub with Jane Goodall.
31:18Not everybody has to do that.
31:19Yeah.
31:21Where is that?
31:22That's in Nebraska.
31:23We used to go a few times.
31:25We used to go.
31:26You and Jane Goodall would just go places together.
31:29We went to...
31:29How did that...
31:30No, stop talking.
31:30How did that start?
31:32How did something like that start?
31:34Whiskey.
31:35Whiskey.
31:36How did you guys meet?
31:37Like, what was the connection?
31:38We met at Live Earth, which was a giant carbon-emitting series of concerts that happened all over the world.
31:50And she was there, and I was there, and she was the high point.
31:54And so, LeRoy, our late sax player, and I, we were both sort of overwhelmed and sort of a little,
32:03you know, like, teary again.
32:04But, because she was there, and then she said, I, you know, I don't know what to do.
32:09I don't, I, I, I don't know how to talk to 60,000 people.
32:13And so, then she just went out, and then she just said hello like a chimp.
32:17She did that whole, she did that whole thing.
32:21And it was the loudest, the crowd lost their mind.
32:24The crowd was like, ah!
32:26I mean, it was, we, we are anxious.
32:28Oh, a chimp mind.
32:29I mean, everyone.
32:29Everybody hit the chimp mind right away.
32:31Everyone, right.
32:31She touched it.
32:32It was, it was, it was, she was, anyway.
32:33Okay, I got, I got one other thing, is that I understand, ah, you actually, when, you know, you saw
32:41Pete Seeger perform when you were a kid.
32:43That was my first concert that I remember.
32:46Pete Seeger was your first concert?
32:47Yeah, on the back of a flatbed truck, he was up there playing.
32:50Wow.
32:51It was unbelievable.
32:52Did you ever get any time, spend any time with him?
32:53No, not then.
32:54Oh, no, no, I mean, like, old?
32:56Oh, since, oh, yes.
32:57Yeah, yeah, yeah.
32:57I got the interview him once, let's talk about me.
32:59I got the interview him once, and I was completely blown away.
33:02I rarely get intimidated, but it was Pete Seeger.
33:05Yeah, I mean, he's so, because he's, like, I don't want to say, because he was a perfect human.
33:11Yeah.
33:11You know?
33:12His banjo, what it said around the outside of the banjo.
33:14And he spoke with, he was so eloquent, he had such a clear idea of what right and wrong was.
33:21He lived in a house with no electricity until his end.
33:25And, uh, and, uh, I was at, he actually played, the last concert he played was Farm Aid, and we
33:30played together.
33:31Wow.
33:32And, uh, and we, but we met, I got a good story, I'll squeeze it in.
33:35Squeeze it in.
33:36Squeeze it in, I got a good story.
33:37He came, and this was very embarrassing, too, because I was staying at the Peninsula Hotel, just like Pete Seeger
33:42wouldn't.
33:43And then, um, and then.
33:46He couldn't find a wood-fired hotel?
33:48He said, he said, you're in, you're in, you're in the city.
33:50He said, I'll, I'll, I'll, I, you know, I'd like to come, I'll come find you.
33:54And then I learned later that he drove from, he was, drove from upstate where he lived all the way
34:00down to the city to come and meet me.
34:03So I was, like, I was deeply embarrassed.
34:05Um, but, uh, but then we were in the Peninsula, and I don't know if the Peninsula Hotel, it, it,
34:10it's got these fancy stairs that go down like this, and then they go down to the outside.
34:14And that's how you get in and out of the Peninsula Hotel.
34:16I think, I'm sure gangsters have been there.
34:18Um, and, uh, and then, and we got, we went to have, and we had lunch, and then at the
34:24end of lunch, he said, I can't really go downstairs because of my knees.
34:27He was, he was getting up there at this point.
34:29And he, and, uh, and so everyone's like, where is there, is there an elevator we can get him in?
34:34And he said, and then he goes, oh, no, if there's nothing, it's okay.
34:37And he got onto the banister, and he slid down the banister.
34:43And then, and then slid down the other banister.
34:48And I was like.
34:49Oh, we should all, we should all.
34:50I was, you ought to slide down the banister.
34:52I wasn't going to do it as well, because it, like, I could have made it, I would have, I
34:55would have, I could have myself up.
34:57Yeah.
34:58Good.
34:59Okay, you will be performing a song for us tonight, thank you.
35:01Uh, don't drink the water in just a moment.
35:05What's, what's don't drink the water about?
35:08Um, I think the polite term is a genocide.
35:13But, um.
35:13That's the polite term.
35:15But I, but I, but I mean it well.
35:17It's just like, uh, I'm the villain in the song.
35:21And, uh, nowadays it feels like a lot of us are villains.
35:26And, or at least a part of a villainous world.
35:30And, uh, so I thought, like, I'd play that song.
35:32Because I mean it, I don't mean, I don't mean to be the villain.
35:35But that's what the song's about.
35:37Well, thank you so much for being here.
35:39Thank you. And I love you.
35:41Oh, that was very kind of me.
35:42I'm so sorry your show is coming to an end.
35:43Oh, there'll be other stuff.
35:44I'm so sorry.
35:45Thank you very much.
35:46Thank you so much.
35:47Stephen Colbert.
35:47Take us are on sale now for Dave Matthews' summer tour.
35:52We'll be right back with a performance by Dave Matthews.
36:00And now performing Don't Drink the Water,
36:03ladies and gentlemen, Dave Matthews.
36:12Come out, come out, no use in hiding.
36:21Come out, come out, come out, can you not see?
36:31There's no place here, what were you expecting?
36:40Not room for both, just room for me.
36:50Say you will lay your own stone.
37:00Yes, I will call this home.
37:04Oh, what's this you say?
37:12You feel the right to remain?
37:16Then stay, I will bury you.
37:24What's this you say?
37:27Your father's spirit still lives in this place.
37:31Well, I will silence you.
37:36Well, I will silence you.
37:39I will silence you.
37:42I will silence you.
37:44Away, away, you have been banished.
37:53I will silence you.
37:54Your land is gone and you're gone to me.
38:03And as you go I will spread my wings.
38:13Yes, I will call this
38:16But I have no time
38:25To justify to you
38:29Fool, you're blind
38:31Move aside for me
38:37And all I can say
38:40To you, my new neighbor
38:43Is you must move on
38:46Or I will bury you
38:52Slowly apply it
38:56Now as I rest my feet by this fire
39:01Those hands once warned
39:04Here, well, I have retired them
39:06I can breathe my own air
39:09And I can sleep more soundly
39:12Upon these poor souls
39:16I'll build heaven and call it
39:24Cause you're all dead
39:30And I live with my justice
39:33I live with my greed and need
39:37I live with no mercy
39:38I live with my friends and feet
39:41And I live with my hatred
39:43I live with my jealousy
39:46God, I live with the notion
39:48I don't need a narrow one but me
39:52Don't drink the water
39:54Don't drink the water
39:56There's blood in the water
39:59Don't drink the water
40:01Don't drink the water
40:04Don't drink the water
40:06There's blood in the water
40:08Don't drink the water
40:11Don't drink the water
40:13Don't drink the water
40:14Don't drink the water
40:21Don't drink the water
40:22Don't drink the water
40:23Don't drink the water
40:23Don't drink the water
40:24Don't drink the water
40:24Don't drink the water
40:24Don't drink the water
40:25Don't drink the water
40:25Don't drink the water
40:26Don't drink the water
40:27Don't drink the water
40:27Don't drink the water
40:28Don't drink the water
40:28Don't drink the water
40:29Don't drink the water
40:33Don't drink the water
40:34Don't drink the water
40:39Don't drink the water
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