- 13 hours ago
Babies 2026 - Season 1 Episode 6
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TVTranscript
00:00Stop!
00:01I just can't believe she's done it. Wait, let's watch it again.
00:04Wait, wait.
00:07Oh my god, that's so funny.
00:11Did you see the one on the group's hat?
00:12Oh, stop.
00:15This one, this one, oh my gosh.
00:19So funny.
00:21Every time she posts it just gets worse.
00:23Actually, it's so funny.
00:26I'm going to send it to Sally from Jiu Jitsu.
00:30Oh my god, I love her.
00:31She's so good.
00:33Really?
00:34She was saying about how she missed you so much.
00:36I love her.
00:36Hi, I'm here for my 12-week scan, 9-15.
00:40Lisa?
00:42That's all right, yeah.
00:43Date of birth?
00:444th March 1990.
00:46And the first line of your address?
00:48At 96 Lawson Court.
00:50Did you want to purchase any photos?
00:56Oh, you can just ask them once you're in there.
00:59Yeah.
01:02Okay.
01:14Hello.
01:22Hello.
01:24Hello.
01:27Hello.
01:29First line of your address?
01:31Black 96, lost in court.
01:33And you're?
01:3412 weeks, three days.
01:35Lovely.
01:36Well, let's go.
01:36We've actually had a bit of a journey, haven't we?
01:41Oh, yeah.
01:42We've had three losses.
01:44Oh, OK.
01:45And one of them was actually at the...
01:48We had a miscarriage at 12 weeks, so...
01:52OK, yeah.
01:54We're a bit nervous.
01:56OK, no problem.
01:58Do you want to get on the bed?
01:59Thanks.
02:02Her back's been a little bit.
02:03It's fine.
02:05Shh.
02:11Will you tell us as soon as...
02:14I'll have a look, and then as soon as I can,
02:16I will let you know how things are looking.
02:22OK.
02:31Right.
02:33Put that in here.
02:38Would you like to watch the scan?
02:40Yes, please.
02:40Yeah?
02:40Yeah.
02:42Thanks.
02:44This will be a bit cold.
02:49How's this pregnancy been?
02:52I've had a bit of cramping, haven't I?
02:54But I'm still feeling quite sick, so...
02:56Well, there's all kinds of things going on down there,
02:58so you've bound to have a bit of cramping.
03:00Let's have a look, shall we?
03:01The monitor's just there, so you can see what I'm looking at.
03:04I'll need to take some measurements,
03:05and it can take me a while to find baby,
03:07but I will let you know what I find as soon as I can.
03:09OK?
03:11OK.
03:11Sorry.
03:18OK.
03:33How's it look?
03:35One moment, please.
03:48We'd like to know if everything's OK.
03:51OK.
04:02OK.
04:15My dreams are up in arms because they say they can't compete with you.
04:23Stop the day with a little syllable left unfinished.
04:35When you move to kiss me, now each one bursts like a volcano, cause there's nowhere else
04:50for this love to go.
04:57I grabbed a cable and a microphone, cause there's nowhere else for this love to go.
05:06Oh, bloody hell.
05:15Is it okay?
05:18Oh, it's more than okay.
05:19It's okay.
05:19It's okay.
06:02It's okay.
06:03Did you sleep well?
06:04Yes, I slept well.
06:06Mum, did you sleep well?
06:09Why are you so obsessed with how I slept?
06:14Shall I bring your bags down?
06:17I can bring my own bags down, thanks, Dad.
06:20I'm driving myself to university.
06:22I think I should bring my bags down.
06:24I'm helping myself out of the place.
06:31Here's my bag.
06:33My bag.
06:41I don't know.
06:41I'm getting married.
06:42I'm getting married.
06:52Hey!
06:53I'm having a great job on my arm.
06:54I know this is sitting here.
07:09I'm sorry.
07:13He's your father.
07:16There's nothing I can do.
07:21Right, I've got everything you need.
07:22I've got Kit Kats, I've got donuts,
07:24I've got orange Fanta, I've got lemon Fanta,
07:26I've made cakes.
07:30Nothing for the cakes, wow, okay.
08:04It's cool.
08:07Come on.
08:07Come on.
08:08Come on.
08:08Come on.
08:09Yeah.
08:10Oh, my God.
08:41Oh, my God.
08:44Oh, my God.
08:59Oh, my God.
09:09Yeah, not too great, to be honest.
09:11Oh, God, not too great, to be honest.
09:13Oh, I just love it.
09:16I'm actually feeling really terrible.
09:18No, it's seriously, it's awful.
09:27Just a glass of ice, please.
09:31A pint.
09:34A pint, a pint glass of ice?
09:36Me too.
09:37Ready?
09:38Yep.
09:40And two pint glasses of ice.
09:44Have I told you about when I gave birth?
09:47You have, yeah.
09:48Yeah, um, the doctors were actually amazed by my placenta.
09:55Yeah.
10:05Oh.
10:06Ugh.
10:44I'm just trying to think of some meals I know to make good one so it's that ham butter bread
10:51yep crisps yeah okay dinners
11:05I was literally just around the corner we've been here 15 minutes you're hilarious just text me
11:12well okay so you actually want me to get here later because you want me to stop rushing and
11:16text you I mean do you want me to be here on time or not I'm getting very mixed messages
11:36we're actually um we're gonna go out
11:50so many potholes in the road
11:56the little holes in the road we call them potholes council are supposed to fill them in
12:07but do we really want the council to divert resources away from the hospitals and the
12:12educational services to fill a load of holes in the road
12:19it's tricky
12:33careful please
12:36just be careful yeah
12:45okay that's come down now Daniel that's enough no it's enough
12:59did you ever bite the bottom
13:04really
13:08you've never done it
13:13you bite the bottom
13:17and then you suck it
13:19you know like
13:21you know straws yeah
13:24it's like a straw
13:30you suck it
13:39let me see
13:44come in
13:46be patient
13:58you're good at that
14:13did you see my email
14:16yep sorry
14:19you can turn it into a pdf yeah and send it on
14:22of course yeah
14:26if you can
14:27just reply when I email you
14:30absolutely
14:32yep
14:54do you want to speak to me come in here
15:04do you want to speak to me
15:05have you seen the size of my little holes
15:11I don't hear about your balls
15:15I don't hear about your balls
15:22I think it's just like a cloth
15:25I think it's just like a cloth
15:26I think it's just like a cloth
15:27I think it's a tea towel
15:30yeah
15:31so it's a tea towel
15:34it's made with like special salt
15:37it's a tea towel
15:39they call that muslin and charge you three times as much
15:41it's not a tea towel
15:43what do you use it for
15:44just
15:48just like
15:51wiping like
15:52sick and stuff
15:55Jesus
15:59baby's gonna be sick on you
16:03Jesus
16:05sick and dribble
16:09we'll be mopping like piss
16:11and shit
16:12it's not
16:13what do you say
16:15yes
16:36fingers
16:37oh my god
16:40the fingers
16:40yeah
16:45it's so busy
16:47I think we're in trouble here
16:50okay
16:51so
16:52two hands
16:53five fingers on each hand
16:55two feet
16:56ten toes
16:57oh my god
16:59the toes
17:01they're moving a lot
17:04that's good
17:05isn't it
17:06it's all what we'd hope to see
17:08yeah
17:10and
17:11if you look
17:12here
17:14that thing there
17:16that's his willie
17:21huh
17:23huh
17:37little boy
17:50what's happening to me
17:52what's happening to me
17:52what's happening to me
17:52what's happening to me
17:53what's happening to me
17:54what's happening to me
17:55what's happening to me
17:56what's happening to me
17:59what's happening to me
17:59what's happening to me
17:59what's happening to me
17:59what's happening to me
18:00what's happening to me
18:01what's happening to me
18:01what's happening to me
18:02what's happening to me
18:04what's happening to me
18:05what's happening to me
18:09I'm going to use this little room for sabbato.
18:22I'm going to get on it here.
18:30I'm gonna get into it.
19:14I'm, I'm not gonna be like, I'm not gonna be like, you have to be this, you have to
19:25be that.
19:28I'm after all the best good stuff.
19:33I think sometimes Dad's complete, not my dad, but maybe Dave's dad, a little bit.
19:42It's getting the way you've been, who you are.
19:54What a privilege.
20:03A little boy.
20:10It's the greatest privilege.
20:23So you just whisk up the, er, eggs, frown, milk, touch of salt, erm, then you have to get
20:30the oil hot.
20:31How hot?
20:32Oh, like, hot.
20:34I'll kill it for you.
20:37How do you know it's hot enough?
20:39Er, it spits.
20:43Yeah, not a lot of people do that, but er, something I figured out quite early on.
20:50Did you make up this recipe yourself?
20:54Kind of.
20:59I do feel bad for you guys having to live with Simon.
21:03Poor Mum.
21:04I mean, what has she got herself into?
21:07I bet they rattle quite a lot, don't they?
21:09He was crying the other night.
21:12Oh, Simon was.
21:13Was he?
21:14He was crying.
21:17Oh God, I love that.
21:18Simon, crying.
21:21I cry sometimes.
21:24No, you don't.
21:27No, we had a great time.
21:29Okay.
21:30I had pancakes.
21:32Really?
21:33Wow.
21:35Er, yeah, it's kind of awkward, but er, he asked if I could stay for lunch.
21:44But I don't want to, erm...
21:46No.
21:46If Simon's...
21:47Simon's at his mum's.
21:50Don't worry, y'all.
21:51No.
21:52Er...
21:52No.
21:53Night lights in the front pocket.
21:54No.
21:55It's fine.
21:56Say, it's nice that he asked you.
22:00Yeah.
22:07Carriage?
22:14Bloody hell.
22:17That's...
22:17I saw that.
22:18Yeah.
22:21I wonder you don't stop moaning.
22:24Fuck you!
22:28Oh my God, I'm like...
22:32You are so sexy.
22:42Yeah.
22:43No.
22:51Are you...
22:53Are you here for NCC?
22:54Yeah.
22:55Yeah.
23:06I've got a very good birth plan
23:08It is a good one actually
23:09I plan to be hiding in a pub
23:10That's my birth plan
23:11You probably will as well
23:15We've been doing hypnobirthing
23:17Haven't we?
23:18Yeah
23:19I want to go for a lotus birth
23:22Because I really think you should
23:24Whereas I'm really young
23:25I can see it
23:37I'm really interested in vaginal seeding
23:47I've made a playlist
23:50You're going to give birth on all fours aren't you?
23:53Like an animal
23:54Then it's sweets
23:55Chocolate
23:56Caffeine for you
24:00Yeah I'll need my caffeine
24:07Um
24:09Yeah
24:12No we haven't really considered it yet have we?
24:17It's been quite hard to think of it as
24:20It's a real
24:30Maternity unit
24:31Midwife
24:34Midwifery unit
24:38What's the difference?
24:40God knows
24:44I want there to be doctors
24:47You just put doctors
24:48Yeah
24:49Capital letters
24:50Yeah
24:53Doctors
24:55Tons of doctors
24:56All the painkillers
24:57Just put
24:58Give me the lot
25:02Who do I want to be with me
25:03During the labour?
25:05What that?
25:08Good idea
25:09Yeah
25:09Mm-mm
25:10Think your mum will come
25:12Okay that's good
25:13I'd love that
25:14Oh
25:14She could stand there being fucking anane
25:17Wow
25:18It would be perfect
25:30Do you want to be there
25:31If it's forceps or vacuum?
25:36Oh
25:37What's like here?
25:40The baby's guided out
25:42Using a cap
25:42Fitted to its head
25:43By suction
25:44Shut up
25:50Oh my god
25:51They're so gross
25:54I don't know
25:57Yeah okay
25:58Whatever
25:58Can I get
26:10Do we want to use
26:13A special
26:15LD or
26:16P
26:17Room
26:21Is there an option
26:22For you to pack those?
26:23Yeah it actually is
26:27We need to look this up
26:31I think
26:33You really need it
26:34For me to spend
26:35The birth
26:36Reminding you
26:37To be positive
26:42It's weird though
26:42That's not an option
26:43Yeah I'd love that actually
26:45It's just useful
26:46It's very minded
26:55I'm starting to worry
26:56This is actually going to happen
27:01Don't be silly
27:01So don't fall apart
27:02You'll have an affair
27:05I'll end up getting divorced
27:08I've had hundreds
27:13What?
27:14What?
27:14What is
27:15A piece
27:19To me
27:23You don't want to know
27:32Hi
27:33Come in
27:33Come in
27:34Excellent
27:35Thanks
27:35Daniel your dad's here
27:37Sorry I'm just on a zoom
27:39Japanese
27:39Don't seem to notice
27:40It's the weekend
27:42I can't find the bag
27:44Coming
27:46Could you drop him off
27:47A bit later tomorrow
27:47Like 5.36
27:49We've got a scat
27:51Absolutely
27:51She's been a bit anxious
27:53Since the 12 weeks
27:56Have you packed a bazooka?
27:58No
27:59Have you packed your whiskey?
28:01No
28:01Your drink
28:01Your wine
28:02Your beer
28:03No
28:03Oh I know you've forgotten
28:05Have you packed your dog please?
28:08Ha ha ha ha
28:11Ha ha
28:12So
28:20Mah
28:25See I
28:26To be around
28:31There's a new
28:33Assaac
28:33Moon
28:34Bole
28:35Man
28:35Can know
28:35Bar
28:35Is
28:45Don't do this, mate.
28:47No!
28:50I just cooked that whole meal for you.
28:53No!
28:53You're being unbearable!
29:20You're being unbearable.
29:22You're being unbearable.
29:24You're being unbearable.
29:52See, you're eating it.
29:57You know it's my job to teach you these things, what am I supposed to let you grow up thinking
30:07it's okay to reject food that your host has cooked for you, what kind of father would
30:10that make me? Seriously, what kind of father would that make me?
30:43Feel that?
30:56Sometimes they reckon if you eat ice...
31:01Did you feel that?
31:03Yeah.
31:08I think his feet must be down there, which means he's moving.
31:43Is that a big one?
31:45I don't know, I feel like it's an appropriate bono and that's why I'm going to get around
31:48as well.
31:54Well, I'll probably come using like an hour and a half maybe.
31:58But I still got some darker back and then we'll be all right.
32:10So, stretch seats.
32:12Yep.
32:15What's this stretch seat?
32:20Okay, so it's like it covers all his body?
32:25Yeah.
32:28Cold days.
32:29Bedtime.
32:35Booties.
32:37Socks.
32:38What the fuck are booties?
32:40Shoes?
32:41Shoes.
32:45He's got his big coat.
32:47What about his cashmere?
32:49Shut up.
32:50What?
32:50He won't wear cashmere.
32:52He won't take clothes.
32:53He won't take my thermals.
32:55Of course he won't take your bloody thermals.
32:57He needs layers.
32:58Would you have worn your dad's thermals?
33:06People are like, great, you're pregnant.
33:09Oh God.
33:10Now you can forget about it.
33:11Put all that behind you.
33:12Yeah, because it's easier.
33:14Shrug it off.
33:19We'll be sad when we're 80 and we'll still be thinking about them.
33:31This is great.
33:33Oh God.
33:34This really set me up.
33:42Is that all the bacon?
33:44No.
34:00Yeah, Maya was like, it's going to be amazing.
34:04Yeah.
34:06I was kind of nodding and do that smile.
34:10I know that smile.
34:12Yeah, it's great.
34:13You do that to me.
34:15Only when you're being boring.
34:19We don't know if he's going to be healthy or whatever when he comes out.
34:29What's he going to be like?
34:35Who's he going to be like?
34:38Oil.
34:40Don't need it.
34:42The fat from the bacon.
34:44It quits in its own fat.
34:45Exactly.
34:49Eggs.
34:51Right, you've got three options.
34:52Fried, boiled, scrambled, poached.
34:56That's four.
35:04Mum!
35:06Mum!
35:07Lisa!
35:10There's no way of knowing who he's going to be.
35:31I guess I'm worried about the birth itself.
35:36No, it's fine.
35:37I'm going to breathe through the pain.
35:41Hmm.
35:43Yeah.
35:47The pain can be quite extreme though, can't it?
35:53Yes.
35:54Which is why I plan to breathe through it.
36:00God, it's also terrifying.
36:02I'm going to have to hold her hand.
36:05I'm going to sleep in a chair.
36:07Listen to her screaming.
36:08You've got earplugs.
36:12If it is so loud.
36:16We're not worried at all, are we?
36:18No, no. Easy.
36:20We like to keep positive, don't we?
36:23Yeah, we're really positive people.
36:25Especially me.
36:52What are you doing here?
36:54Same as you, I reckon.
36:55I don't know.
36:56I don't know, for your sake.
37:01Oh, careful of the pint.
37:03Careful of the pint.
37:06Oh, it's been a while.
37:08Yeah, no, what's it been like?
37:11A few months?
37:12More than a few.
37:13Time flies only having fun.
37:15Always having fun, mate.
37:17Always having fun.
37:21You look good, mate.
37:23Thanks for noticing.
37:25Are you noticing how I look now?
37:28Do I need to be worried?
37:29Oh, yeah, you do, actually.
37:31You need to be very worried.
37:32Uh-oh.
37:35Uh-oh's right.
37:44Happy birthday, mate.
37:45I can't do that, don't you?
37:45Yeah, you all right?
37:47You're going to get into that.
37:59It's all right, Ben?
38:01You follow me, mate?
38:04Always following you.
38:05Like a bad smell.
38:07Yeah, I wonder what it was.
38:13How's everything with Amanda?
38:16And olive?
38:18Olive, yeah.
38:19Yeah, yeah, yeah.
38:20Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
38:21All good, mate.
38:22All good.
38:23It's all just...
38:25Like, yeah, you know.
38:27Photos, yeah.
38:33Great about your baby.
38:36Oh, yeah.
38:38Congratulations.
38:39Thanks, yeah.
38:40Is it congratulations or...?
38:41Oh, yeah, yeah.
38:43Great.
38:47I haven't really been telling anyone.
38:49No, that's great, mate.
38:51Didn't want to tempt fate.
38:52No, no.
38:53Matt mentioned it and...
38:54Yeah.
38:55What have you done?
38:57I know, right?
39:00Commiserations.
39:00Your life's over.
39:04Enjoy it while you can.
39:07Oh, it's a...
39:15Actually, we've been trying for a while.
39:18No bad thing.
39:20One way to get her to sleep, will you?
39:21Ha, ha, ha, ha.
39:23Mm-hm.
39:35It's been a difficult time, to be honest.
39:39Cos...
39:39Cos we actually...
39:41managed to get pregnant before.
39:43Uh, yeah, uh...
39:45Can I get four pints?
39:46Do you want one?
39:47I'll get him.
39:48Oh, I'll get him.
39:49No, no, come on, I'll get him.
39:50Oh, I'll get him.
39:51No, no, no, I'll get him.
39:52Oh, no, no, I'll get him a round.
39:53A peroni.
39:54I'll get the next one.
39:55Uh, five pints of peroni and a Guinness.
39:58Yeah.
39:58Thanks.
40:00No.
40:06So, you were...
40:08You were trying and...
40:10I...
40:10Yeah.
40:15It's been...
40:16Tricky, really.
40:17Bit of a tricky time.
40:18Um...
40:20And...
40:21We actually got pregnant...
40:24Three times previously.
40:27But...
40:30Um...
40:32Yeah.
40:38Oh, right.
40:39Yeah.
40:43That must have been hard for Lisa.
40:47Yeah.
40:48That must have been really tough.
40:49Yeah, yeah.
40:50Really tough.
40:52But she'll be all right.
40:53Yeah.
40:54Nah, of course.
40:55Yeah, she's a tough one.
40:57Scary woman.
40:58Heh.
41:01Thanks.
41:06At least it's all over now.
41:08You're gonna have a baby.
41:09So...
41:10Mm.
41:11So...
41:13Yeah.
41:14Well, hopefully.
41:15Yeah.
41:16You can put it all behind you.
41:23I bet you were...
41:24You were strong though, were ya?
41:25Nothing can knock the big guy.
41:31Uh...
41:31Nah.
41:33Not really.
41:36I tried to...
41:37To be like...
41:38Positive and stuff.
41:40Be like...
41:40A strong one, but...
41:44Yeah.
41:45They really worked.
41:54Sometimes...
41:56I think you...
41:57You do something...
41:59Because it seems like...
42:01Obviously the right thing to do.
42:04And even though you've thought about it...
42:07And you've thought about it from, like...
42:10All the different...
42:12Angles that you think there is...
42:16And it...
42:18Still just...
42:19Turns out to be a...
42:22Fucking...
42:22Catastrophe.
42:32It's fun, innit?
42:36Oh yeah, it's great.
42:38I love it.
42:39Ha ha ha ha.
42:50You're alright.
42:52Yeah.
42:53Ah.
42:54Ha ha ha!
42:56Oh!
43:00Ha ha.
43:02Ha ha!
43:18here you are thanks oh thanks a few more of these always
43:46yeah he's he's nearly ready Daniel come in I'm good it's cold come in I'm good
43:58Simon's out I'm good okay what are you even doing up there
44:11what can we see can we see on the bus
44:22very peaceful
44:26how old 14 months amazing I'm on my own so
44:35tell me about it I've got two two and don't live with them sadly it's not my choice
44:43oh that's really hard yeah I miss him I see our single dad then if you want to
44:56know if I'm single you can just ask me if I'm single sorry I didn't mean that I'm kidding
45:07hello
45:18hey
45:19hey
45:47hey
46:03steven
46:09steven
46:12I think I'm having contractions
46:18I'm having contractions
46:27can you stop looking at me
46:29I'm not looking at you
46:33stop looking at me
46:38oh god
46:40I'm fine
46:42everyone is always overreacting about everything
46:50people have been giving birth for thousands of years
46:54they think it's going to be hard so they make it hard whereas this is like
47:02it's a natural process
47:03yeah
47:07who hurt can it be
47:13it's ten minutes since the last one
47:17you're good
47:21yeah
47:22now I've got this
47:23you got the car seat
47:27remember you breathe in
47:28you don't have to remind me to breathe
47:31oh
47:45oh
47:46oh
47:46oh
47:46oh
47:46oh
47:46oh
47:47oh
47:48yeah
47:48yeah
47:48yeah
47:52they were every five minutes
47:54yeah 60 seconds every five minutes
47:56oh no they've dropped
47:57yeah because of the car journey now about every eight minutes
48:01and they are shorter
48:03they've dropped to
48:04forty
48:05forty-five seconds
48:10what does that mean?
48:25I should have left them in the car
48:28oh yeah
48:40hi
48:40sorry
48:41my wife's having contractions in the corridor
48:44and er I was just wondering is there any chance of going out in the room?
48:48She's Lisa
48:50all nine rookies
49:16Yeah, she's just stood having contractions in a corridor.
49:19Yeah, she's on the list, so when a delivery room becomes available,
49:23she will be given it.
49:24Yeah, I know, but she's literally a woman giving birth in a corridor.
49:27Yeah, I can't just magic a delivery room out my arse.
49:30Yeah, I see that.
49:36What do you see?
49:39Uh, yeah, you're great, actually.
49:41Any understanding?
49:49OK.
49:51So, er...
49:54Quick.
49:56Banana?
49:59Oh, sorry.
50:01Quite of a toil, haven't it?
50:03To our natures.
50:04Did you try a toil?
50:05Or a flake?
50:07You have to make a bit of a plan if you can have a flake.
50:09Oh, God...
50:14Yep, yep, yep.
50:15Ooh!
50:36Can I get you anything?
51:05Ooh!?
51:12Ooh...
51:13Oh, my God.
52:04I don't know.
52:14No, no, no, no.
53:01No, no, no, no.
53:13No, no, no, no.
53:24No, no, no, no.
53:47Hello.
53:49And you, you used to look at me like there was something special about me.
54:01They were waiting to leave me.
54:04When you were small.
54:08But I know you will never remember the things that we did together.
54:23When you were small.
54:30Playing superheroes at five in the morning.
54:36Building marble runs at dawn.
54:42You barely notice me now.
54:49But you, you used to sleep on my chest.
54:56A whole person on my chest.
55:02And I could hear you breathe.
55:09And you, you used to look at me like there was something special about me.
55:21Which there was when you were small.
55:30So when you go out with your mates tonight.
55:34When you feel messy after two pints.
55:40I'll be here.
55:42Like I was here.
55:45When you were small.
55:47Like I was who I saw.
55:52I saw you.
55:58Maybe I just saw a little girl.
55:59In the rain.
56:12Oh no.
56:13I'll be right back there.
56:16I saw her.
56:21Okay.
57:11Oh, my God.
57:37Oh, my God.
58:12Oh, my God.
58:37Oh, my God.
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