#video #Strip Law - Season 1 - Episode 09: Trophy Son (Or 'The Mother Wound')
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00:12Live from the Las Vegas Adult Paintball Pavilion and Event Space, it's the 50th Annual Golden
00:18Gavel Lawyer Awards, brought to you by Jingles Supermarkets.
00:22Jingles, that's what the grocery stores here are called.
00:25The stars are truly out.
00:27Oh, in from bustling Carson City, there's Nevada's Coolest Lawyers.
00:32Bring us in bench.
00:33It's an honor just to be a knee breed.
00:35Haha, stay in school.
00:37And here's up-and-comers, Lincoln Gum and Sheila Flambe.
00:40They've made a big mark this year, despite having stupid, food-sounding names.
00:44Sheila, who are you wearing?
00:46Oh, Margo, I don't kiss and tell.
00:49Oh, you mean my dress.
00:50It's by Jingles Dresshole.
00:52Oh, of course it is.
00:53Now, Lincoln, it's the first Gigi since your mother, Marsha Gum, was tragically
00:58obliterated.
00:59How are you feeling?
01:00Like an ant at a picnic.
01:02Nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh.
01:04Speaking of your mom, are you excited that tonight Steve Nichols is going to finally give
01:09her the tribute she deserves after the disastrous funeral?
01:11Oh, I wouldn't call it...
01:13We have a clip.
01:14my mom was she was special at terrible job son you're humiliating me in front of the devil
01:25no we'll never marry yes i've come a long way since then marcia i mean margo anyway that's old
01:35news we're up for firm of the year and best commercial baby it's our night sheila the human
01:40highlight reel flambé and i want to say clinton jellybee yep sheila's right also i promise she
01:47knows my name hey watch this
02:00for those just joining us the human highlight reel is pulling tons of focus by reappropriating
02:06out-of-date catchphrases and doing a dance that can only be called the sheila
02:10beef it's what's for sheila yes yes everyone loves gum and flambé's better hat but let's not forget
02:16tonight's about my late partner marcia gum and by extension me it's been a break in at the
02:21sheilagate hotel just wait to my ultra respectful five star three ring multimedia tribute to the
02:27late marcia it's here's sheila
02:33sheila are you okay did you break my pussy of course not what a stupid question it's gonna
02:39it's my relax sound because about normal my pussy is gonna be somber as hell y'all well there you
02:47have
02:47folks another magical vegas jeez
02:50like this is how you can call them
02:57you can call them
03:05and then it's red hot now
03:10Wine, wine, wine done, wine done, wine, wine done
03:18Come on along with you
03:20You know I love you, baby
03:23Stop! Yes!
03:26I love you too
03:33Man, I thought tonight was about me being out of my mom's shadow
03:37But it's like I'm still under her as she towers over me
03:40And all I can do is look right up between her giant legs
03:44Lincoln, I think it's time to look at the memento tattoo I gave you while you were sleeping again
03:50And tonight is about us
03:52So just relax, get drunk, have fun, and don't worry
03:58You're right, now admit you broke your pussy
04:00No! Nothing bad has ever happened to me
04:03Hurt pussy, eh? Now that's what I call a...
04:07I got nothing
04:09Glem, you look great
04:10Someone slept inside last night
04:13Okay, I'm gonna work the room
04:14Maybe land us a big new client
04:16Glem, you know everyone
04:17What do I need to know?
04:19Oh, well that's Steve Nichols
04:21I believe he's a lawyer of some kind
04:24Yeah, I know him, Glem
04:25Who else?
04:26All right, let's see
04:27That's Billy Grimple
04:28He owns La Bouche
04:29The mouth-themed casino
04:30That's showbiz entertainment cheese
04:33He runs a hedge fund
04:34And oh, that's Anita Chingles
04:37She was your mom's biggest client
04:39And who's that guy?
04:40I think his name is Steve Nichols
04:42No, that guy
04:44I need to leave
04:45I broke my pussy
04:47What? Glem?
04:49If that were true, he wouldn't be able to walk like that
04:51I assume
04:52Well, maybe Irene and her new boyfriend will be normal
04:55Irene has a boyfriend?
04:56What is he, like a biker or a gangster?
04:59Rebel with or without a cause?
05:00Hey, Sheila
05:01This is Gordo Cipollini
05:03Hey
05:04And, of course, the famous Patrick
05:08I am humbled to meet you, Monsieur Gum
05:10Madame Flambe
05:12Oh, my God
05:14Hi, Gordo
05:15Hi, Patrick
05:16Who wants to see me twirl?
05:18The show is starting
05:20Everyone be quiet
05:24I was roaring the law
05:26Late one night
05:28When my eyes beheld a lawyer's side
05:31For the gavel from the charge began to rise
05:34And suddenly
05:36We testified
05:37We did the mash
05:39We launched a lawyer's mash
05:41We did the mash
05:42Such inconfrensible beauty
05:45We lawed
05:47The law
05:48The law
05:49The law
05:49The law
05:51George
05:54Hello, I'm Mayor George Walz
05:56Welcome, everyone, to the 50th Annual Golden Gavels
05:59Brought to you by tingles
06:01And reruns of the lawyer's show, Bull
06:03If you haven't yet, feel free to ride the mechanical bull from Bull
06:07Yee-haw
06:08This is, of course, my adopted brother
06:11Our beloved lunch meat
06:13I'm full of beans
06:16Wow, this catchphrase
06:18Right off the bat
06:19What a crowd we have tonight
06:21But everyone might as well go home
06:23Because right in his usual seat
06:26I see five-time winner
06:28Attorney Merle Streep
06:29From his firm, Streep Law
06:30Let someone else win for a change, Merle
06:35Truly, all the greats are here tonight
06:38Also, Sheila flambé
06:41Saying that Sheila isn't one of the greats
06:45Sheila didn't even know she was nominated
06:47She just heard they're giving out a prize for the most hung jury
06:53Because of my unharmed privates
06:55T-M-I
06:56Is that Lincoln gum I see with Sheila?
07:03Seriously, Lincoln
07:04Your mother's death was the hugest deal in the world
07:08Let's have a moment of silence for the most important person in the room right now
07:12Marsha Gumm's spirit
07:21But I'm still full of beans
07:25We've got a really, really great show for you tonight
07:29The 50th annual Gigi's will be right back
07:32Show will resume in five minutes
07:36It's our night
07:38And I'm coming for you, Steve
07:41Jesus Christ, after all this time
07:49Wow, hello there
07:51My name is, uh, Robert E
07:55Don't say Lee
07:56Don't tell him your name is Robert E. Lee
07:58Robert E. Zombie
08:01Industrialist
08:02What are we gabbing about here at this fine table here?
08:06Well, we were talking about gum and flambé
08:08Ooh, Lincoln gum
08:09He is a fine litigant
08:12He's got me out of many a fine pickled pepper
08:15I employ slave labor, you see
08:18White slave reminds you nothing untoward
08:21And Lincoln gum has kept me out of the fire
08:24Profiting off my white slaves for years and years
08:30You're doing a great job hiding and drumming up business for Lincoln
08:33I love you, Glam
08:36I love you, too
08:38Oh, I mean, uh, I love you, too
08:41The band
08:42Yeah, that'll cover
08:44Anyway, about my white child's slaves
08:47Good evening
08:48Any of you fine people seen a man by the name of Glam Blorchman?
08:53He's about 5'10
08:54Looks like one of them creatures the Bible warns of
08:57No, sir, and I'd be able to, I'm very tall
09:04You're welcome, Glam
09:05Glam? How dare you?
09:08I challenge you to a duel
09:10No! Stop!
09:13I can't
09:14And Marsha just looked up at me and said
09:17Thank you
09:19You know, Stephen, I was trying to buy a gumball the other day
09:23And it occurred to me that a nickel can't buy a piece of gum
09:27Because gum is worth more than nickels
09:32Well, Lincoln is on the penny
09:34Which, last I check, is worthless next to a nickel
09:36And nickels is plural
09:40Uh, yes
09:42Well, Jefferson is on the nickel
09:45And he invented the lazy Susan
09:47And in court, you're lazy at suing
09:51Where is everybody going?
09:54You think this is an award show?
09:56This is an arena where we battle it out
09:58To see who's remembered as Marsha's successor
10:00And I'm about to memorialize her so hard
10:03That people are gonna think you were just Marsha's butler
10:06I only did that for 12 Halloweens
10:09Oh my god, the show is starting any second
10:11Everyone get back to your seats
10:12Dammit, this is so bad
10:14And now the nominees for Best Commercial
10:17Sheila Flambe and Irene Gumm for Lawbert Rising
10:21Stay for one drink
10:23We should talk
10:28You were my mom's best client, friend?
10:32To Marsha, they were the same thing
10:34Mike Milk for the Milk is Fresh
10:37I've heard what people are saying
10:39Mike Milk is just tall
10:41And Mike Milk uses being tall to cover for not going to law school
10:46Well, to the haters, I say
10:48Check this out
10:50I'm sunglasses now
10:56Your mommy would be so proud
10:58She used to always brag about how she was turning you into a little clone of her
11:02Yeah, I'm kind of trying to do my own thing
11:04Step out of her shadow
11:06Stop accidentally sexualizing her, etc
11:08Oh, sweetie, why would you ever do that?
11:11Kyle and Skyl Munt
11:13We almost do it all
11:16I'm Kyle Munt
11:17And I'm Skyl Munt
11:18And do you know what makes us Vegas' number one twin lawyer team?
11:22What, sweet brother?
11:23We do it all
11:25Slip and fall accidents
11:26Medical malpractice
11:28Laser injuries
11:29Nursing home abuse
11:30The only thing we don't do is have sex with each other
11:34We've never even thought about it
11:35We're focused on you
11:37Kyle and Skyl took my eviction case without once having sex or even fooling around
11:41We lost, but there was no funny business
11:44Even if we wanted to, our bunk bed would make it too difficult
11:50I've heard about Steve's five-star, three-ring, multimedia tribute to Marsha
11:54Did you know he has a hologram?
11:57Steve has a hologram of my mom?
11:59So let me tell you what I'm gonna do
12:00My company is sponsoring this show, Chingle Supermarkets
12:03That's what grocery stores are called here
12:06Yes
12:06I'm gonna pull some strings
12:08You'll deliver a beautiful, heartfelt speech
12:10Make up for that fiasco of a eulogy
12:13And maybe Chingle's leave Steve Nichols and Associates for an ambitious young firm?
12:17Sure
12:18A heartfelt, non-disastrous memorial to my mom
12:22Easy
12:23And the winner for best advertisement is
12:26Irene Gumm and Sheila Flambe for Lawbird Rising
12:34Oh man, I dedicate this award to my boyfriend
12:38Gordo featuring Patrick
12:40Well, I'm no good at speeches
12:43Not like Sheila
12:43Sheila!
12:45Sheila!
12:46Sheila!
12:47Sheila!
12:48Sheila!
12:50Sheila!
12:51Sheila!
12:51Sheila!
12:53Ah!
12:56Ah!
12:57Ah!
12:58Ah!
12:58Ah!
12:58Some new noise from Sheila!
13:00Sheila is amazing!
13:01Do the Sheila!
13:02Yeah!
13:03Do the Sheila!
13:05She's overcome with emotion!
13:07I could watch this forever!
13:09The 50th Annual Gigi's will be right back!
13:16So...
13:16Crazy weather lately!
13:18We won!
13:19Did you see my speech?
13:21What?
13:21I sure did!
13:23You were wonderful, sweetheart!
13:26And what about you, dude?
13:27Did you see your firm win an award?
13:28Or were you too busy writing your manifesto?
13:30I didn't...
13:31Huh?
13:32Sorry.
13:33Speech.
13:33For Mom.
13:34A lot riding on it.
13:35Jingle's gotta go bathroom.
13:36Fresh in your drinks, Sawyer's!
13:41I'm a waiter named, uh...
13:43General Stonewall...
13:45Flowers.
13:46Stonewall Flowers!
13:47Forget I said General, huh?
13:49Glem, what's going on?
13:51Why are you doing pistachio-disguisy-style capers during an awards show?
13:55Uh, well...
13:57Once upon a time, a happy young farmer lived with his wife, Sarah.
14:02And one day, the farmer noticed some onions were missing.
14:06He chalked it up to varmints.
14:08Varmints?
14:09I hate those!
14:10But the next day, some potatoes went missing.
14:14Now, the farmer decided to keep watch, but he fell asleep.
14:18When he woke, he found Sarah asleep in the hay with a handsome bandit, a pot of stew between
14:27them, made with his vegetables.
14:30His vegetables?
14:32Hmm.
14:32The farmer wanted blood, but Sarah convinced them to settle it in court.
14:37On the stand, Sarah revealed the bandit was her first husband, who she thought had died
14:43in a rock slide.
14:44The men were at each other's throats, so the judge issued an old-fashioned sentence,
14:49a duel on the field of honor.
14:53That was legal?
14:54When was this?
14:551996.
14:57Now, it would start as soon as one party slapped the other one with a glove.
15:02But the bandit fled, never to be seen again.
15:07And with time, my anger subsided.
15:11Oh, it's you in the story!
15:13Yes!
15:14He must have seen me in the nominee announcement.
15:17He came here to kill me!
15:18Why not just go home so he can't slap you?
15:21Are you very stupid?
15:22I wanted to see you guys win!
15:24Aw, that's so stupid.
15:26Sheila, Sheila, you are the breakout star of the night, and we want to incorporate you
15:31into the big physically demanding song and dance number.
15:33Do you want to do it, or is there some reason you can't?
15:42What's a good mom story I could tell?
15:46Summer camp?
15:47I don't think so.
15:48You'll be spending the summer with Mother at the Ariana Huffington Empowerment Retreat
15:54for the unapologetically annoying.
15:56Good news, Lincoln.
15:58He put up a fight, but I got the dean of your college to let me be your RA.
16:03Lincoln, guess what?
16:04The doctor gave me pills that'll make sure you never get pubes.
16:08What?
16:08Mom only implied that she didn't want me to have pubes.
16:14What's up, Assface?
16:16Guess who dropped six figures at Chingle's hologram supply to make your mom say anything
16:21I want?
16:22This Godzilla-dict humpmaster.
16:25You think a little speech is gonna do anything?
16:27Tonight is mine.
16:29Steve, this is weird, even for you.
16:32You have a wife and kids and stuff, and I think I'm realizing that you can't really make
16:37that thing say anything worse than what I'm already dealing with.
16:40Oh, yeah?
16:41What about this?
16:42Lincoln, I just want you to know.
16:45I'm proud of you, no matter what.
16:48Wait, that's it.
16:49I'll just lie.
16:51Thanks, Steve.
16:53Oh, uh, what a nerd.
16:56Right, Pinkers and Bench?
16:57Uh, yeah.
16:59Whatever, man.
16:59Good luck with the hologram or whatever.
17:01You embarrassed me!
17:03Hey, everyone.
17:04Guess who didn't wash their hands?
17:07Woo-hoo!
17:09Welcome back to the Gigi Awards.
17:11Now, for a special treat, we've got a musical tribute to, you're not gonna believe this, lawyers!
17:27And the award for best surprise witness.
17:30For the best supporting bartender.
17:32And the award for best objection goes to...
17:38That's from the gorilla!
17:39Mr. Ravioli-o!
17:42Kyle!
17:43And Skyle!
17:44Martin!
17:45And then Mom said, Lincoln, of course I'll give you a hug.
17:49I'm not embarrassed to do that in front of the mailman.
17:52No, that's too outlandish.
17:54So, where do you think Sheila's been this whole time?
17:57There she is!
18:04And now it is finally time for the In Memoriam Reel.
18:08Followed, of course, by Steve Nichols' five-star, three-ring salute to Marsha Gum.
18:13And I'm told we're also gonna get a speech from Marsha's butler.
18:17Curtin' Jellybean?
18:30All right, it's funny, it's sweet, it's sad, it's complete horseshit.
18:35This'll work.
18:36Jesus, this is horrific.
18:38Yeah, a lot of people seem to die around us.
18:43Are you okay?
18:45You look a bit off.
18:45I'm great.
18:46I have a speech that's a real tribute to my mom.
18:49Good!
18:49Then you can work for me and stop associating with these disgusting clients
18:53and inane colleagues like your mom always wanted.
18:55My colleagues aren't inane.
19:00Plus, I thought you said Mom would be proud of what I'm doing.
19:03What you're doing. Winning.
19:05She'd be ashamed of who you're doing it with.
19:08Uh, thank you.
19:11Mother's still ashamed of me.
19:13The devil still won't marry her.
19:15Lincoln!
19:16It is your friend Sheila!
19:18Your pussy is broken!
19:20What?!
19:21Please do not yell about pussy during the in memoriam.
19:26Lincoln, everyone in this life has a broken pussy.
19:29Some people's broken pussy is their fear of failure.
19:32For some, it's addiction.
19:34Some people's broken pussy is even a literal broken pussy.
19:37Not me, though.
19:38Your broken pussy is your mom.
19:39We had a great year.
19:41We won an award.
19:43Irene is dating the puppet boy.
19:45And you haven't been able to enjoy any of it because you're too busy trying to hide your broken shattered
19:50swollen pussy.
19:51Which again, only you are doing and not me.
19:55Wow!
19:56A lot of people died this year.
19:58And now, to say a few words about his mom, Lincoln Gum.
20:07My pussy hurts.
20:09Wait.
20:10I mean, everything I am today, I owe to my mom, Marsha Gum.
20:15Aww.
20:17And I'm a wreck.
20:19Aww.
20:21My whole life, I've been trying to make the case that she was a good mom.
20:27She wasn't.
20:28But she was the best lawyer this town's ever seen.
20:32She even made Steve Nichols' evil ass successful.
20:35But she didn't take care of me.
20:37You know who does?
20:39My weird niece, Irene, who's as strong as an ox and smart as two pigs.
20:44My associate, Glem Blorchman.
20:47Over there, dressed like a British policeman.
20:49He's been hiding all night wearing costumes.
20:52I assume because he didn't want to embarrass me in front of you, my mom's peers.
20:56But he doesn't embarrass me.
20:58He rules.
20:59And most of all, my intern, Kevin, who I forgot to invite to this.
21:03But also, Sheila, Dr. Duncan Stein Flambe.
21:08In conclusion, I'm done putting my mom on a pedestal.
21:14But all of you should.
21:15She'd sacrifice anything for the legal profession.
21:18I'm the proof.
21:19So shove your GGs up your ass.
21:22We're leaving.
21:27I hate my mom and my kids.
21:30I sent my son to a boarding school because I couldn't remember his name and I didn't want to ask.
21:36We have not had sex with each other.
21:38And I have to confess, I'm in love with you, Irene Gum.
21:43This cad Gordo doesn't appreciate you.
21:46Leave him and be with me.
21:49Oh, Patrick, I will.
21:58Oh, yeah, here's Steve Nichols and his stupid hologram or whatever.
22:03Sometimes the law can get you down, can make you weep, can make you frown.
22:09But where to turn in dark of night to help you with your legal plight?
22:16Nickels and gum are two things in your pocket.
22:23Come on, guys.
22:25Let's get some frosty chocolate milkshakes.
22:28All right.
22:28Now that that's over, the award for firm of the year goes to...
22:33...Gum and Flambe!
22:36Go ahead.
22:37I don't need it anymore.
22:42Congratulations, Sheila!
22:44And now, enjoy your ceremonial victory lap on the mechanical bull!
22:50What?
22:52What bull?
22:53What bull?
22:55What bull?
22:56What bull?
22:57You know, Ligon, you taught me something.
22:59You can run your whole life, but...
23:02Well, well, well.
23:04If it ain't Glenn Blorchman, or should I say Glenn Blakeman.
23:10Wow, you did a bad job changing your name in two different ways.
23:14Glenn Blakeman was the fake one.
23:16Enough!
23:17I know you're carrying, Glenn.
23:19Let's do this.
23:21Cold clams.
23:23Glenn, you don't have to!
23:25I do, Irene.
23:27Like your uncle said, some wrongs gotta be righted.
23:42You win, Glenn.
23:46Tell my son to use offer code DAD50 for a bonus bet on...
23:56...DoghouseSportsbook.com!
23:58You stupid son of a bitch!
24:00I wasn't scared of dueling because of you!
24:04I just didn't want to have to wake back up the killer in me!
24:13Patrick!
24:14No!
24:19We did it, y'all!
24:22Honestly, whatever at this point.
24:24He was reaching through the clouds to risk a dream...
24:31He's dead.
24:32Goodnight, sweet Patrick.
24:34Alright, Gordo, we're through.
24:36Holy shit!
24:38Glam, you killed the bandit!
24:40I was the bandit.
24:43The old man's back again...
24:46Up next, the television event you've been waiting for.
24:50After ten epic years of crushing lawsuits, rocking designer suits, and peeping ladies in birthday suits,
24:55the lawyer princess of Carson City, Pringison Bench, are riding off into the sunset.
25:00But not before one last wild romp.
25:03Don't go anywhere, losers.
25:04It's the series finale of Pringison Bench.
25:07Teardrops burned her cheeks...
25:10For she thought she'd heard...
25:13The shadow had left this land...
25:19The old man's back again...
25:25The old man's back again...
25:30The crowds just gathered...
25:34Their faces turned away...
25:37Chirp.
26:35...Triven, Charlie.
26:53You
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