- 15 hours ago
DMV S01E14 SYNCOPY
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00:42So, why are you bringing a coffee table to work anyway?
00:45Workers at the DMV get paid once a month, so the week before payday, when funds are low, we need
00:50side jobs. This month, I'm assembling and delivering furniture for lazy people.
00:54So, right now it kind of feels like I'm delivering furniture for lazy people.
00:58Well, you're really, really good at it.
00:59I'll catch you inside, I'm going to hit the banyo
01:02I've got a load protruding
01:06Full serve
01:06Yeah
01:08Hey, uh
01:10Hey
01:20One more pineapple and we win 25 grand
01:23Come on, Ceci, I believe in your nails
01:25Ah, strawberry
01:27We lost again
01:29Honestly, I blame this room, it's got bad juju
01:32Yeah, we should scratch the ticket in a room at the DMV that has no juju
01:36I can't stand sleeping on my neighbor's futon
01:40Well, that's on you for renting out your place as your side hustle
01:43You know, you're a pretty girl
01:45You could be one of those girls online that eats and everyone watches
01:49I have seen you loudly house a double bacon chi
01:52I'll think about it
01:54You're perfect
01:55I'm so tired
01:56Can one of you take the next test, please?
01:58Not unless it's at 2 p.m. in a hatchback
02:00I got a delivery
02:01Sorry, Collette, I'm working over here
02:03I'll take the next one if it's at a convenient time for me
02:06Thanks
02:06Hey, uh, did one of you print this and an essay about a time you overcame adversity?
02:12Yeah, that's mine
02:13Oh, wait, so you had a trip to Aspen ruined because the pilot for your private plane got a stomach
02:18bug?
02:19No, I'm rewriting college essays for wealthy private school kids
02:22This one is Leland's
02:23What's a Leland?
02:24It's a cross between a trip and a Brooks
02:27I hate rich people with their caviar, champagne, going to the movies and buying their candy from the concession stand
02:34Not taking it out of their cargo pocket
02:36Oh, totally, right?
02:38Like, rich people, I just, they're the worst
02:40Like, the worst
02:42Mo' money, mo' problems, you heard?
02:44Yeah
02:45Yeah, yeah, I heard
02:49So, big, when was the last time you overcame adversity?
02:51Actually, Greg, I consider myself colorblind
02:54I don't see adversity
03:03Did you experience a life-threatening illness recently?
03:07No
03:09Then you will soon
03:10Now step back and smile
03:11Go, go
03:12Smile
03:12Wait, what?
03:14Good enough
03:15I, good luck
03:16Next
03:17Hey, Ceci, can you translate this text from my renters?
03:20They only speak Spanish
03:21That's Portuguese
03:22But they're asking for your Wi-Fi password
03:24Oh, it's Colette is rowdy
03:27Get it, like, router, but also
03:29Whoa
03:30Where's your candy?
03:32I haven't eaten yet today
03:34There's no more Barb
03:35Can you just get a normal side hustle like everyone else instead of starving yourself every month?
03:39It's not just starving
03:41It's energy conservation
03:43And deep breathing
03:45And deep breathing
03:45Yes, yes, yes, we know
03:46All part of the military preservation techniques you learn from your parents who are in the Marines
03:50Marine's good
03:51I know a Marine
03:52Now that girl was rowdy
03:55I'm rowdy
03:56Listen
03:57I can't get a second job
03:59I am manager of the Galdang DMV
04:02And I need to be singularly focused and alert
04:06Oh
04:06Your shoe's on the wrong foot
04:08Your shoe's on the wrong foot, Ceci
04:12I'm Colette
04:13I'm Ceci
04:13I'd laugh, but I'm in the middle of an inhale
04:17Barb, your lips are blue
04:20You need a sniggers
04:21I need help
04:24Okay
04:28Hey, about earlier
04:30I hope the stuff Vic said about rich people didn't offend you
04:34You know, you being a former rich kid and all
04:37Oh, yeah, that's
04:39Um
04:40Hey, I'd rather not talk about it, to be honest
04:42Oh, don't worry
04:43I haven't told anyone of your parents are rich
04:47You know, I still can't believe you cut them off and chose to be one of us
04:51One of you?
04:52Really, I still feel like the new guy
04:54No one sees you that way
04:55Greg
04:56New guy
04:57Plot twist
04:58Turns out the coffee table's bigger outside the box than inside
05:02Completely unpredictable
05:03I don't think that coffee table's gonna fit into the butt mobile
05:06Oh, well, why don't you ask Noah?
05:09He can help you, right?
05:10He doesn't have his license, but he has that big van
05:12Okay
05:14Yeah
05:15What do you think, surfer girl?
05:17Help me build?
05:18We transpo in your van-o?
05:20Bigger cars, bigger jobs, bigger dinero?
05:23I think...
05:24Yeah, that would be great
05:26Ah, all right
05:26We split everything down the middle
05:2860-40
05:29Yeah, come on, let's make some, dog
05:31You're right
05:32Yeah
05:32Okay
05:33Thank you
05:35All right
05:36Greg, you did good
05:41You wanted to see me?
05:43Yes
05:43You made me realize that by depriving myself, I'm depriving the DMV
05:48It's so nice to be acknowledged, but I don't know what I'm being acknowledged for
05:51I got a side hustle
05:53Ooh, food delivery?
05:54Dog walking, man walking, it's a fetish I did it once
05:58Twice
05:58Why don't I wait and have you tell me
06:00Self-gloves, ah!
06:02Self-gloves?
06:03Oh
06:04After having a conversation with my upstream liaison, I have become a self-glove ambassador
06:09Oh
06:09You see, I've made the bold choice to glove myself
06:13Oh, they smell weird
06:15What is this?
06:16I don't think it's real
06:17Oh, it's funny you should say real because our unique system of gloves provides real results
06:23Ah
06:23Such as anti-aging, relaxation, and hip opening
06:27That?
06:28That sounds impossible
06:29It was, until now
06:31There's more
06:32Once I start recruiting ambassadors for my team, I start building a passive income stream
06:37It helps if you think of it as a pyramid
06:39Barb, this is a multi-level marketing scheme
06:42They took advantage of you
06:44No, I've taken advantage of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity
06:48Oh, God, this is
06:50For financial freedom!
06:51Oh, this is so bad
06:53Don't worry
06:54I'm gonna call, let me get you out of this
06:56Read the pamphlet
06:57It's not good
06:58I'm going to become a millionaire
06:59Oh, my God
07:00Oh, honey, it's working already
07:02Uh, Mr. Davenport, I got your message about Leland's essay, and I appreciate your suggestion
07:09But I'm not sure that nepotism is the most compelling form of adversity
07:14You're right
07:14What the hell?
07:16Also, I don't think that throwing like a girl is technically a disability
07:22But I will keep working on it
07:27Did you Uber to work?
07:29Uh, yeah, because I don't have my license, you know that
07:31Well, how can you afford to Uber so close to payday?
07:35I...
07:35You work at the DMV, you don't have a side hustle, you're in no rush to get your driver's license
07:41There's no sign of depression, it's as if you have money
07:45I thought you said your parents cut you off
07:47I said I cut them off, and I did, but I didn't cut Curtis off
07:52Uh, well, explain it to me like I don't know who Curtis is, because I don't know who Curtis is
07:56So, so Curtis, he's my family's business manager, so he manages my finances
08:00So you're still rich?
08:02No, no, I'm not rich
08:03Who pays your rent?
08:04Curtis
08:05Who pays your credit card?
08:07Curtis
08:07When you bought your van, you said that your bank account was wiped out
08:10Yeah, it was, but then Curtis refilled it
08:14Wow
08:15Noah, bro, don't be sleeping on the job day one, we got bunk beds to build
08:20Okay
08:23It's a little joke
08:24Hey, please, can we keep this between us?
08:26Thank you, mate
08:27Yeah
08:29Wow, Noah's rich
08:32That explains the teeth
08:35The best things in life are free
08:38But you can give them to the birds and bees
08:41I want money
08:45That's what I want
08:47Oh my God, Colette, did you hear that Barb fell for some multi-level pyramid scheme and was trying to
08:51sell gloves to everybody in the office?
08:52Yeah, I called and I tried to get her out of it, but turns out this one's legit
08:57Oh my God, I simply cannot
09:00Do you know that feeling when winter ends and you shave your legs for the first time in three months
09:05and then you get in the clean sheets?
09:06No, no, we don't even have winter here
09:08That's what it feels like when you put these on
09:11And the company is super impressive
09:13They have a dynamic business model structured around you being your own boss
09:17Can't believe they got you too
09:18Yeah, they got me
09:19They got me a big opportunity to build my own business
09:22Honestly, sad
09:23I moved three units and already I'm a level two finger slinger on track to win a white Cadillac and
09:29a vacation in Cancun
09:30Holiday weekends excluded, restrictions apply
09:31My well, I get sucked into one of these every week
09:33What's the cult leader's name? I'll call and get you both out of it
09:36And does this Cadillac only come in white or could I get a custom color?
09:42Rose gold when you are talking my language
09:45Girl
09:47Buddy, you're taking apart the pieces that can't put together
09:52It's okay if you want to do this by yourself and then you can just use my van
09:56Hey, no way
09:58We're partners, alright? I'll teach you
10:00Are you sure? Because I'm so slow at this
10:03Hey, no one's slower than me
10:05Besides, you probably need the money even more than I do
10:09You alright, Greggie?
10:11Uh, yeah
10:12I'm just getting a little annoyed at the rich kid
10:15In my essay
10:17Mmm, mmm
10:18Uh, your test drive is here
10:20Oh, perfect
10:20I'll have him go through the drive-thru and grab us some bergies
10:23Then we can hop on this bed and start screwing
10:25Oh, okay
10:27Sweet
10:29What are you doing?
10:30Anticipating my bergie
10:31You're also walking around in poor face
10:33Acting like someone who needs money when you don't
10:36You're like Leland in this essay
10:38Working in the kitchen at his country club in order to get inspiration for his student film
10:44Hey, I...
10:44It's offensive
10:45I didn't mean it like that
10:46Well, you need to tell Vic the truth
10:48I feel like that's a really hard conversation to have
10:51Yeah, well, if you don't have it, I will
10:54That would be amazing
10:55Thank you so much, man
10:57Oh, what a relief
10:59Okay
11:03I'm sorry, I noticed you from across the room
11:06Are you an entrepreneur?
11:07Do you want to be?
11:09What if I told you that everything you need to be successful is right in the palm of your glove?
11:16The entry-level package is called Glovely Lady
11:19Oh, my God
11:19Since I have had such a lovely time chatting with you
11:22If you sign up right now, I'll even give you a cuticle mask for free
11:25Which I'm not allowed to do, so don't tell my boss
11:27Girl, just kidding, I am my own boss
11:29Hello
11:29Look at this
11:30Sure
11:32Waterman, Waterman, you won't regret this
11:34If my lover came home with a pair of gloves like that and a new passive income
11:39We'd be playing choose your own adventure that night, you know what I mean?
11:44Have fun, kids
11:47Oh, there you are
11:49Listen, I wanted to talk to you
11:50Oh, dude, check this out
11:53Business cards
11:53Cool, right?
11:55Why so big?
11:56So people don't lose them
11:57Duh
11:58It's like a gas station bathroom key
12:00Brilliant
12:00Uh, listen, about Noah
12:02Yeah, you know what?
12:04Thanks for suggesting I take him on
12:05First, I was just using him for his van
12:07But I really like teaching him
12:11It's nice helping people
12:12Yeah, it's, uh, something we don't get to do working here at the DMV
12:16Anyways, thanks for putting the two strap studs together, bro
12:19Oh, but you were saying something about Noah?
12:21Um, damn it
12:22It's nothing
12:22What are you humming?
12:25Oh, the theme song?
12:26Oh, let me hear it
12:27Um, it's like
12:28Do you need a stud?
12:32Maybe two?
12:33We got two strap studs for you
12:36That answers every question somebody would ask about two strap studs
12:40Boom, bop, boom, boom, boom, bop
12:41It's a little long
12:44Wow
12:45Need some help from two guys
12:47Well, we can be those guys
12:50And if you don't
12:51I loved it
12:51Need that help
12:54I sold four pairs in my family text chain
12:56All to my aunts
12:57That's crazy
12:58Should we ask for a time off now for the South Club conference in June?
13:01Galveston is beautiful, I hear
13:03You know that I'm 12 pairs away from getting free registration
13:06But then I'm out
13:07While I'm on top of the pyramid
13:08Ugh, it feels so good to finally become the woman I knew I could be
13:14Isn't it so crazy that this is the last month we have to worry about payday?
13:18I evicted my tenants last night
13:20We all yelled and cried
13:21But it was so worth it to sleep in my bed again
13:23This time next month, the DMV is going to be our side hustle
13:26I know, it's like, should I have a baby?
13:28No
13:28I can afford it now
13:29Yeah, totally, that's what I thought
13:31Hey, ladies
13:33Hey, Barbie
13:33Hey, Barb
13:34So glad I got us all involved in this
13:36We love it
13:37Quick question, on a scale from one to fire ants
13:41How weird do your hands feel?
13:43Oh, my God
13:45No, nothing
13:47Not like that
13:48I know, they're stinging bad
13:49You must have done something weird, okay?
13:51Like, like, gardens
13:52Or pet a kitten
13:53Or something
13:54That cannot be from our superior glove product
13:56No, it can't be from these
13:57Because if it were, that would be
13:59Bad
14:01I'm going to have to take your word for me
14:03Because I can't actually feel my hands
14:05I already have a foot thing
14:06Now I've got a hand thing
14:08Pull it together, you two, okay?
14:10No more negative talk
14:11But I was certified
14:12By the state of fly-roda
14:14This is not the self-gloved language
14:16That launches into a new stratosphere
14:17Of self-growth
14:19Oh, my God
14:19I'm hearing it now, too
14:21I'm listening, Rob, not behind it
14:23Ah, Rob, it's a scam
14:25But I already booked the Glover's Lane package to Galvestan
14:29Get out of here, Jolies!
14:34Noah, I don't think we should tell Vic the truth just yet
14:38What truth?
14:39Oh
14:41Well, this predictably blew up in my face
14:46The truth is
14:47I'm the one
14:48No, no, no, wait, hold on a second
14:50This is mine to tell
14:51Vic, the truth is
14:53I
14:55Greg and I are in love
14:56Yes
14:57What?
14:57Colette owes me 30 bucks
14:59No
14:59Noah is rich
15:01I'm not rich
15:02I just
15:03I have a safety net
15:04You know how some rich people think they're not rich
15:07Because there's richer people?
15:08Yeah
15:09Well, Noah has a Curtis
15:11Is that like a Leland?
15:14My family is wealthy
15:15Yeah
15:16Like you've been jet skiing?
15:18Well, it's the only thing to do at our private lake
15:21So you don't need a side hustle?
15:23Look, no, I don't need a side hustle
15:26But I like doing this with you
15:27But you don't need it
15:29Just like I don't need you
15:33Mate, no
15:37Come on
15:38Just gotta bend a little bit first, lick it
15:43Dang heavy card stock
15:48Betrayed by my muscles
15:50And my friend
15:54Okay, Luen, I see
15:55I just find it a little funny
15:57That the rewards are printed in big, bold letters on the front
16:00While the warnings about skin lesions are buried in a word search on the back
16:03I just want to know what you plan to do to right this wrong
16:07What did you say?
16:09Oh, Luen
16:10You better watch where your husband goes
16:12And you know what?
16:12Just for that
16:13I'm not gonna reverse the hex I put on your family
16:17So like an 80% refund or
16:19We signed away all of our rights to even complain
16:21I know that I got us into all this
16:24But let's not point fingers
16:25Because we can't
16:26I think the important thing is that no one could have seen this coming
16:30You guys, payday is still days away
16:32How's anyone gonna take me seriously as a palm reader
16:34When these gloves literally erased my lifeline?
16:36Mine smell
16:37I went into credit card debt for this
16:39It's like cooking the skin
16:41Oh, I guess I'm having willpower for dinner
16:43Barb
16:44It's with deep humility that I ask
16:47Will you teach us your military preservation techniques?
16:51It would be my highest honor
16:53First things first
16:54You do not want to eat your hair
16:56It will clog your drains like you cannot even imagine
17:01Okay
17:04Hey, Vic
17:05I'm really sorry I lied to you
17:07I don't care that you lied
17:08Nobody lies more than me
17:10I love lying
17:10Lying's the best
17:11We should lie more
17:12I'm just bummed Noah's not who I thought he was
17:15I mean, is he even British?
17:18Well, actually, he's from New...
17:20Yeah, you know what?
17:21He is still British
17:22I feel so stupid
17:23No
17:24I thought I was teaching him
17:25You are
17:26And just because he's rich doesn't change that
17:29Look, Noah has zero survival skills
17:32He's like Leland
17:34Wait
17:36That's it?
17:37He has faced adversity
17:38His parents
17:39They never expected anything from him
17:42They won't even let him write his own college essay
17:44So maybe we all have more in common than not
17:48You think?
17:49No, but it makes a great essay
17:51Oh
17:51Hey
17:53Vic, I know you might be mad at me
17:55But I do need some help with this
17:57Don't patronize me
17:58You don't know how to use a hammer?
18:00No, I do
18:01I just
18:01I don't know how to unglue it from my hand
18:03Like, it's like
18:06It's stuck
18:07Okay
18:08Come on, rich guy
18:10Hey
18:11Is it okay if we go back to new guy?
18:15Undecided
18:16Bergie's on you this time
18:18That's fair
18:20Gotta get a little nail polish remover
18:22Two strap studs
18:26Together again
18:29The best things in life are free
18:32But you can give them to the birds and bees
18:36I want the money
18:39All right
18:40Ice blended mocha mocha chowsette
18:42Pew pew
18:42Strawberry buttermilk
18:43Extra sweet
18:44That's me
18:45Oh my God
18:45It feels so good to have cash again
18:48I know I bought a wholeness skin care routine this morning
18:51Can you tell?
18:52Oh
18:52No
18:53I bought a woman's robe
18:54Because it was the first ad I saw after I got paid
18:57Jeez
18:58You wonder why everybody's broke at the end of the month
19:00Well, not everyone
19:02I still can't believe he doesn't have to work here
19:05Yeah, he does it because he likes it
19:07Sick bastard
19:08So how rich do you think we're talking?
19:10Like stairs in the house?
19:12Mmm, probably elevators
19:14Whoa, like a hospital
19:15I wonder if he's in the market for 60 pairs of defective gloves
19:18Don't waste your time
19:19He has to run all of his expenses by his money manager
19:22Whose motto is
19:23Ignore the fun, entrust fun
19:25Of course we get the nice rich guy
19:28Who can't spend any of his money on us
19:30It actually all makes sense now
19:31Like he's sheltered
19:33He's a little naive
19:34That's why he wasn't into me
19:35I'm too exotic and street smart for him
19:39Oh, yeah
19:40All right
19:40Okay
19:41Yeah
19:44Bye
19:44Hi
19:45You know it makes sense
19:46Why he threw away a perfectly good stapler
19:48Yeah, he doesn't know you have to refill things
19:50That's why he wears those ugly sandals
19:52He probably doesn't know how to tie his own shoes
19:55Yeah
19:55Well, guess you're not the office dummy anymore, Greg
19:59Colette, tell me more about these gloves
20:02Yeah, well, walk with me
20:03How do you feel about deep exfoliation?
20:06Congrats, man
20:07You built bunk beds
20:08Thanks, man
20:09Oh, I was talking to me
20:10But congrats to you, too
20:12Bill, you watched me build bunk beds
20:15Yeah
20:15Hey, I still have one question
20:17Oh, the birds are the boys
20:18The bees are the girls
20:19No, what's the point in having two beds
20:21Like stacked on top of each other
20:23You can only sleep in one at a time
20:25So it's like
20:25Come on, bro
20:27Sometimes people have to share a room
20:30Oh, so it's going on a boat
20:32Well, I...
20:34Ah
20:34Dibs on top, bunk
20:35Okay
20:43I think we missed a few parts
20:48Do you need a stud?
20:51Do you perhaps need two studs?
20:54Two-strap studs
20:55They're coming for you
20:57You got stuff you've gotta do
20:59You need some help from two guys
21:02Well, we can be those guys
21:07Oh, two-strap studs
21:11I love it
21:12I love it
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