- 2 days ago
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00:00hi hello i'm dana and i'm eli and this is amara joining us
00:09um we have been asked the same question over and over and over and over again the last couple of
00:17weeks because you guys have finally figured it out that um this is my bedroom and eli doesn't
00:27live in this room anymore i don't not all the time not all the time so um yeah me and
00:35eli sleep in
00:36separate bedrooms and we have been for a couple of months now and i don't know we just didn't want
00:45to make a big deal about it or make a big announcement about it um but you guys have
00:51seen me in vlogs like putting his laundry away in his room and putting my laundry away in my room
00:56and you guys have kind of figured it out and been like whoa what happened are you guys not
01:01together anymore um and yeah we're very much together and very much still in love and very
01:07happy together we're together right now but um no we wanted to have separate bedrooms for
01:14a number of reasons and uh so we're gonna kind of explain why we want wanted to be in separate
01:22bedrooms and i don't know uh maybe it'll convince you to be in separate rooms with your partners
01:29when i posted about it i had so many people like even in monogamous couples that were like oh sleeping
01:35in a separate room for my husband is like what saved my marriage and that made me feel so much
01:38more
01:39normal yeah more people do this than you might expect and also we're just incredibly privileged
01:47privileged to have the opportunity to have the extra space allowed to us like not everyone has
01:54a spare bedroom in their house that they can just turn into their oasis i first got the idea of
02:01us
02:01having separate bedrooms because my best friend is also non-monogamous and they have two partners and
02:09they are very privileged to live in a three-bedroom home and them and their partners all have their own
02:15bedrooms and i was like that's kind of nice pretty cool i haven't had my own bedroom since i was
02:21like
02:21in high school and um so i don't know that just was really nice and then um eli and i
02:29just have
02:30really different sleeping schedules i like staying up until 2 a.m and he likes going to bed at 7
02:36p.m if i
02:37could let him i don't go to bed that early but i do get up very early for work like
02:425 30 in the
02:44morning and so therefore i go to bed earlier than they would typically and i'm just more of a morning
02:49person in general i wake up easily and jump out of bed and start the day right and they like
02:58to stay
02:58up till 3 a.m on their scrolling on their phone and doing all sorts of things so our sleeping
03:05schedules
03:05don't necessarily line up and like if i want to go to bed it's lights out dark quiet and i
03:12don't want
03:12to be disturbed yeah and i remember you come when we shared a room i remember you complaining
03:17that you hated waking up at 5 a.m to get ready for work and you had to like be
03:21quiet and you had to
03:23like look for your clothes in the dark yeah i was still sleeping yeah i got dressed in the dark
03:27for
03:28years because i i just woke up and my closet was right there and i just had to feel feel
03:33my way
03:33through every morning to get ready for work and like it's it's annoying it's a small annoyance yeah so
03:39us having different sleeping schedules and different work schedules is definitely um a huge perk of
03:45having separate bedrooms um another perk for us is i am a maximalist and eli is you can tell
03:55eli is a minimalist um some people have been like oh poor eli his room looks so empty like dana
04:03must
04:04have kicked him out and now he has nothing no he likes it that way i like that i don't
04:08like clutter
04:09i don't like a lot of things like taking up space if i'm not using it actively then i don't
04:15want it
04:16in my my space yeah eli is not a trinkets decor tchotchke kind of person he is a true minimalist
04:25so
04:26his room looks bare because he likes it that way i will decorate more i just haven't gotten around to
04:32it but like i have the things that i need and that's all that i need yeah um but yeah
04:38i'm a
04:39maximalist he's a minimalist so we just wanted our bedrooms to look different and now we get to
04:44feel like it's our space we have our own space and i don't know i haven't had my own bedroom
04:52since
04:52high school and so now i get to do more with it now that it's not your room and i
04:56feel like
04:57you feel similarly happy yeah i enjoy having control over my personal space and my my belongings
05:04i like putting things in a certain place and then having them stay in that place until i touch them
05:10again and not have people rummage through my things um another big reason for us not having a shared
05:20bedroom anymore is we are non-monogamous and we want to be as non-hierarchal as we possibly can
05:30and previously we were sharing a bedroom and if i had someone else come over another partner or if eli
05:38had another partner come over we were hosting that person in the living room on the couch or in a
05:44guest
05:44room and being able to be like you can't come hang out in my bed just kind of felt weird
05:52and so i like
05:54being able to have my room where i can host eli if i want to host eli or i can
05:59host my other partners
06:00if i want to host my other partners and it's very uh non-hierarchal uh having my own room that's
06:09not
06:09shared with a partner i can choose who i want to allow to sleep in my bed with me yeah
06:15we each have
06:16more autonomy over our own spaces instead of having a dedicated shared space for both of us that we then
06:23have to negotiate and uh schedule times for our external partners our metamors or we had different
06:32rules about our bedroom and playing with different partners when it came to that and that's this uh
06:38simplifies this whole process yeah um we do still have sleepovers and i will say that most most nights
06:48after dinner eli's still in my bed because i have the bigger room with the king size bed and we
06:53still
06:54we we still watch tv together i kept the bigger room just because i have more stuff yeah they have
07:00more stuff and i don't need as much space yeah are you upset that i kept the primary bedroom no
07:07not at
07:07all like i mean the closet space is pretty much the same i don't need much space the i have
07:13a new
07:13newer bed so it was comfortable and nice and he only has a cat sleep with him i have two
07:19pets in my room
07:20i have this sweet little lady here amara and then i also have a ferret in my room and her
07:27cage takes
07:27up space as well um so yeah i have the primary room and i don't no one's upset about it
07:33um yeah but
07:36that's why we have separate bedrooms do you have anything else you'd like to add about separate
07:45bedrooms i feel like we we mentioned other things i don't know i don't have to listen to him snore
07:52anymore yeah see like again sleeping patterns like i like to roll around and spread out when i'm sleeping
07:58like i don't i don't like to cuddle while i'm sleeping like cuddling and sleeping are two separate
08:04activities for me and so we can we can still manage to do that like i i like to sleep
08:09sleeping alone we
08:10like different types of pillows yeah um he hates my squishmallow collection and now i get to have more
08:17stuffies and also they only sleep with a comforter and i like a flat sheet and a blanket combo and
08:25i just
08:26like we've always had separate blankets so like yeah we've always had separate blankets because we
08:29can't agree on the blanket style that we like like i i have a 300 comforter on my bed and
08:35it's my
08:35favorite but it's a huge king-sized comforter that i was using just for myself because my husband
08:40doesn't like it and he was just using like a cheap flat blanket it's not cheap compared to mine
08:46well it doesn't have to be expensive i don't need a comfort i'm i've sweat in my sleep like yeah
08:51that's
08:51another thing eli sweats in his sleep and it's gross and i do not it's fine and he needs like
08:57three fans on and i do not i need the fan on for like ambient noise more than like cooling
09:03air but
09:04we agree on that yeah we just we just sleep differently that's literally all it is there's
09:10nothing wrong with it like like we would um nights when we would go to sleep at the same time
09:15i would
09:15like scroll tiktok with the sound off and now i can scroll tiktok with all the lights on and the
09:20sound
09:20still on because like he's asleep in the other room it's it's great i love it so yeah uh i'm
09:28team
09:28separate rooms forever if anything i think it's actually strengthened our relationship too because
09:34now now we like seek out time with each other yeah everyone has their own alone time and places
09:41to unwind if they want to be but then now you're more active and seeking out spending quality time
09:47together like watching tv or cuddling or being in each other's like actively being each other's
09:54bases instead of just like cohabitating the same space yeah but uh yeah to answer your question me and
10:02eli don't live in the same room anymore but uh we still live together we still are together
10:10mm-hmm and we're still really happy
10:18i love you i love you
10:22if you guys have any more questions for us as a polyamorous couple we're trying to hop on here and
10:30answer more questions for you guys uh drop your questions in the comments and if we think it's
10:37worth a video we'll answer it soon as always thanks so much for watching and thanks so much for your
10:42support we love you guys
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