00:00I don't know if I'm doing the right thing right now, and this seems like a bad idea, but it's the only thing I can think to do.
00:14I'm not going to use any names, but I think anyone with half a brain can put two and two together.
00:19Um, I broke up with one of my exes a couple of months ago because they relapsed on really, really hard substances, specifically H and F, and I couldn't be a parent and have someone in my life that was actively using, which is why it hurts so much that people think I use when I don't.
00:48I used to, and I made mistakes, but I don't, I don't know, man, my eyes just dilate weird sometimes.
00:57But one of my exes relapsed, and I've been trying to get her help.
01:05I've been trying to get her help for months, to the point where even my closest friends are like,
01:11hey, I don't want to talk about this anymore because you're choosing to hurt yourself by helping her.
01:18But I don't, I have to help because I don't want to see her die.
01:26And I haven't, I haven't shared this with the internet because it seems like a very personal matter,
01:31but I'm at the point where I think that she won't get clean unless she loses everything.
01:41And that includes her autonomy right now because she can't be trusted.
01:47And the last time I saw her before this was a movie.
01:54And she told me she was clean, but she nodded off in my front seat and then nodded off the whole movie.
02:00And I haven't seen her since.
02:02And she's lost her apartment.
02:05And she got evicted because her stupid fucking boyfriend threatened to shoot the neighbor
02:13because they were getting into a fight and she lost her cats and she lost her car.
02:22And she called me today.
02:24And it's the first time I've heard from her in a long time.
02:29And she needed help and she didn't ask me to come to her, but I knew where she was.
02:36And it was about to start raining really bad.
02:38So I went to her and she was sleeping outside on the ground.
02:42And I picked her up and I got all of her stuff that she had left.
02:47And she told me that her boyfriend stole her phone, which is on my phone plan.
02:54And so I was like, I'm not afraid of him.
02:56I'll fucking fight him.
02:57So we went to where he was to get it back and he gave it back.
03:01And then she was just like, no, I just, I love him and I want to stay with him and I just want to get high.
03:07And she asked me for a night and she's like, you can take me in the morning.
03:11And I was like, no, that's not an option.
03:13And I, I'm sitting across the street right now because I'm, it's not safe for me to drive, but she took off.
03:25She left my car and I have all of her stuff still.
03:28And I had to, I had to call the cops because she's talking about just wanting to die.
03:35And she's holding so much on her and I just, I, I can't do this anymore.
03:42She needs a wake-up call.
03:45And I, I don't want her to go to jail, but I don't want her to die.
03:53And she was so mean to me.
03:57She was so mean to me and all I'm trying to do is help her.
04:00And I, I have friends that I've been talking to.
04:09And, and, and, Eli hasn't installed tonight, so I don't want to be home alone.
04:14So, um, Joey is on his way to come get me because I can't, I can't drive.
04:24I, I just, I don't, it doesn't seem like I'm doing the right thing, but if I don't do anything, if I don't try, she's gonna die.
04:37And, I, this is what I've been dealing with for like six months.
04:49And, meanwhile, people just think I'm some monster.
04:55And, and, people think that I'm an addict and I don't, I drink.
05:01I don't use anything.
05:06And, I, I have bad people in my life that are addicts or alcoholics.
05:16There's, there's a fucking ambulance.
05:21And it's, it's because I, that was me when I married my ex-husband.
05:26I was a fucking addict.
05:29So, I have sympathy and empathy for those people.
05:33And I just want to help people and get them clean.
05:37Because I'm clean.
05:39And, like any addict, we slip up sometimes, but it's never this bad.
05:45And she's too far gone and I don't know how to help her.
05:49And she lost everything.
05:51She's homeless and lost her pets and lost her car.
05:56And I'm going to like Al-Anon meetings and I have friends that will listen to me.
06:02Like, but then I have friends that don't want to listen to me anymore because it's just too much.
06:11And I get it, I get it.
06:12And then I have people just telling me to stop.
06:15But if I don't try everything and she dies, I'm going to hate myself for not trying enough.
06:21And when we first started dating, she, she made everything on her social media private because she didn't want people to know that she was an ex-addict.
06:32And she didn't want people to see the pictures she had on Facebook of her clearly looking like an addict.
06:39And one of the things she told me was that if she, if people knew how she was, like that would like set her straight.
06:48So here I am with my fucking platform doing like the meanest thing I could think about and talking about this to try and set her straight.
06:59Because I still love her and I don't want her to die.
07:12And I don't know what else to do.
07:16I really don't.
07:18And I, I don't even know if I did the right thing.
07:27She took some of her stuff and then some of it I had in my car.
07:32I don't.
07:36I'm going to end this video.
07:38I don't know why I'm doing this.
