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06:38¿Qué es eso?
06:38¿Qué es eso?
06:38¿Cómo?
06:39¿Qué es eso?
06:42¿Qué es eso?
06:43No es realmente la cosa que sea vulnerable a un hombre.
06:45Es un tema que es más de una stigma
06:48de que no sea emocionante si se puede, si se entiende.
06:52No, no.
06:53¿Qué es eso?
06:55¿Qué es eso?
06:58¿Qué es eso?
07:00¿Qué es eso?
07:00¿Qué es eso?
07:00¿Que es eso?
07:01¿Qué es eso?
07:02¿Qué es eso?
07:02Sí, sí.
07:03Yeah, sí, sí.
07:05I feel good about that.
07:07¿Qué es eso?ko
07:09-supendo eniarlaura? Se
07:11hable en la personalidad. ¿Qué
07:14es eso? ¿Para
07:14la naturaleza? ¿Qué es
07:15eso? ¿Qué es
07:17eso? ¿Qué es
07:18eso? Yo no tengo
07:18emociones enfrontado de ella. Creo que...
07:22Tочноدro
07:22lepけて a poner a un fronte, porque es pero...
07:25¿qué es como
07:25parents? ¿Qué es eso?
07:28¿Quiereses
07:28tener más niños? Sí.
07:32No, no hay que tener más hijos
07:34No, no hay que tener más hijos
07:35No, no hay que tener más hijos
07:35We are
07:36No, no hay que tener más hijos
07:37Yo, no hay nada
07:40Pero no hay nada
07:41Esta necesita ser discutida
07:43Porque para mí, yo no quiero
07:45Aunque me, no hay que tener más hijos
07:48Si, creo que mi vida de mi antón
07:51Y solo menjadi un poco más más
07:53Y se às然後ótamente
07:56Se formando más de un membro
07:56Lo que además
07:57Pero finalmente
07:58I'm just hoping that that isn't a deal breaker
08:01and that we can both, like, compromise to a degree.
08:06What if Daisy stays like this?
08:08We've had this discussion before we had Alora
08:11and we always said we want to have a family of, like, three, potentially four.
08:16That was ignorance. I'm here now.
08:18It's like me saying... It's like me telling you,
08:22OK, cool, I want to get married in two years
08:24and then when two years does come,
08:26I'm telling you, I made that decision out of ignorance,
08:29it makes you feel led on.
08:31We've always said we'd want to have, like, three, potentially four.
08:35But that was before... There isn't.
08:37I understood what it was. No, but there's no...
08:39And also to be a parent with you. Nah. Yeah, but...
08:43OK, talk to me about that. What's parenting with Jay like?
08:46Just a bit... It's like having an assistant
08:49rather than having an equal
08:52and I didn't know that that's how parenting would be.
08:56Most... Just way... But that just means you were delusional
08:59about what you thought parenting was.
09:03I don't want any more kids.
09:04Do you think... I feel like... I just want to live life
09:06like a normal human again.
09:08She just wants to keep a snatched waist and doesn't want...
09:11Listen, it's not about my body, but... Yes, it is.
09:14It's hard work and I feel like him being so optimistic
09:17about having more kids... Yes.
09:18..just shows that it's not hard work for him.
09:21It is hard work. And that's probably because...
09:22But are you hearing it's hard work for her?
09:24It's just an assistant. It's also hard work for me
09:25because I do 50% of what you do.
09:28But I wonder if... I'm going to give you some homework
09:30and I wonder if that might help you work some of this stuff out.
09:33Cool. OK.
09:36You do this in private first
09:38and then we'll bring it back to the session
09:39and we'll discuss it. OK.
09:42What is working in this relationship
09:44that I still deeply value?
09:49If nothing changes,
09:50can I live with this relationship long-term?
09:54OK? Cool.
09:56Wow, these are some deep questions.
09:57That's what I'm talking about. Really good questions.
09:59That's what I'm talking about. Really good questions.
10:01All right, well, we'll call this session to an end now.
10:04OK. Thank you both.
10:06Thank you so much, Karen. Thank you.
10:07Appreciate it. See you next time.
10:09Yeah. Bye-bye. Bye.
10:13I would say today's session has been progressive.
10:15Progressive, but it was always planned
10:17we were going to have about three, four kids.
10:19And now she's gone through it.
10:21She's trying to switch up.
10:23I need me a couple more.
10:25Jay is in the house.
10:26So I don't know what she's talking about,
10:28but we're not stopping at one.
10:34I just really want you to say yes.
10:39I just really want you to say yes.
10:43I actually like this one.
10:45What do you think?
10:46Oh, this one's so cute.
10:48It looks like a disco ball.
10:55Have a seat.
10:56Oh, that's a nice view. Look at it.
10:58Yeah, that's that London scenery.
11:01So how you've been, man?
11:03Very busy. Business is going good.
11:06Me and Maria, like, this is what we do.
11:09But yeah, I wanted to tell you something big.
11:14Me and Maria have decided to start therapy.
11:17Oh, really?
11:19So Maria's reason for us to be there is,
11:23like, you know, we've been together for seven years.
11:25It's a bit, it's a bit untypical for us not to be married.
11:29Thank you so much.
11:30Thank you very much.
11:31You're welcome.
11:31Thank you.
11:32From day one, I explained to her,
11:33it's not about getting married.
11:35It's not about the ring.
11:36That doesn't make it real.
11:39Real love is not marriage.
11:41Do you love Maria?
11:45That's my person. I found her.
11:48But then what stops you?
11:51It's just, it almost feels like everyone around me needs me to change.
11:57All I, but all I want is to be accepted for who I am.
12:00Ever since I was a little kid.
12:04Because I didn't get it at home.
12:05I didn't get it in school.
12:06I didn't get it.
12:07Do you know what I mean?
12:11I just didn't know.
12:13I didn't know what it is to be a father.
12:15So I had to learn.
12:17So now I, now I get your point.
12:19So what about you understanding Maria, how she feels?
12:23And if you really love her, what about making this for her, not for yourself?
12:29To sacrifice your point of view for the sake of someone that you love.
12:42I won't lie to you being in the setting like this, seeing you in the dress and everything else like
12:47that.
12:48It just makes me think about my own situation and like how I would have liked to have been doing
12:54this.
12:54You know, like you've already been with your man for like less than a year.
12:56I've been with mine for seven years.
12:57Like you would think that I would already be doing these sort of type of things.
13:01And it does make me feel a bit sad.
13:03If it was me, I would have walked away.
13:06It's so easy to say though.
13:08It's so easy to say.
13:10And also you have to think of the fact that Victor and I literally have a business together.
13:14We earn our money together through social media.
13:20Victor doesn't seem to be a man that's worth making you feel like this.
13:25Like he's a good guy, but after such a long time, I just feel like you shouldn't be at this
13:29stage still.
13:31My heart tells me one thing, but then my head's telling me another.
13:33What would you advise me if I was in that situation?
13:36Like anybody that you care about, what would you like?
13:38What are you doing?
13:42You're saying shit, you're saying to me.
13:44But it's hard.
13:45It's not easy.
13:57A couple is made up of three parts.
13:59Two individuals and then that bit that they make a couple.
14:03So you have to get a balance between those three things in order to have a healthy, strong, lasting relationship.
14:09What a couple needs is equality and Mons and Shea haven't quite worked that out.
14:15This couple really need to talk about where they're going wrong.
14:25Welcome to our last session.
14:28Yeah, last session.
14:32So in the last couple of sessions, what became really quite important was the imbalance in social networks and emotional
14:41support.
14:42And I think actually, Mons, you had a sort of a realisation in that session.
14:51Like, I just don't want her to, like, forget who she was before me kind of thing.
14:57The balance.
14:58The balance.
14:59It's the management of the balance.
15:01Yeah.
15:01It is quite lonely.
15:03I just think I end up all in too much.
15:06It's called a merge.
15:08You merge in too much.
15:10And the problem with that is that it can put pressure on your partner.
15:14Yeah, no, that's fair.
15:18I feel like at the beginning of all my relationships, I've still got my friends, in a sense.
15:23But then I feel like things happen, and then I just step away.
15:27But what effect does it have on you that Mons doesn't have friends?
15:31Does it make you feel more guilty about going out?
15:33Does it?
15:33What effect does it have on you?
15:35Yeah, a little bit.
15:36Like, a little bit guilty.
15:37Like, I often find myself that I'm asking.
15:42So I feel like that's kind of like my independence getting taken away kind of thing.
15:47So I feel like I'm treading.
15:49Treading on eggshells.
15:51Yeah.
15:54Independence is important.
15:55I don't take away from that.
15:57And no one's trying to take away anyone's independence.
16:00I've never been that kind of person.
16:01Mons, what effect did it have on you?
16:04What do you mean, in a sense?
16:06Learning about actually how you do relate into a relationship in quite the way that you do,
16:12quite the dependence that you have on that relationship,
16:15rather than cultivating your own independence.
16:19I feel like I do still have my own independence.
16:22Mm.
16:23But then I feel like things happen and then I don't want to tell my friends.
16:25And then that's when the relationship starts.
16:27Because I'm just like, I don't really want to tell everyone what's going on in my life,
16:30in a sense, or in my relationship.
16:31Is that because you don't like sharing when you're having problems?
16:40Yeah.
16:41I don't know what else to say.
16:43Shay, anything for you to say?
16:45I don't know, like, this independence is having your own, like, your own thing,
16:48like, your own motion, isn't it?
16:51That's just the way it is.
16:52It's what you call independence, going out, talking to 100 different girls
16:54and then coming back to your relationship at home.
16:56See, look, how did we get here?
16:58Because I was just trying to see what I'm saying.
16:59Like, how are we getting here?
17:00Mons...
17:00How are we getting here?
17:01Say more. What's going on?
17:03Oh, nothing. I'm just annoyed.
17:04Can I have a minute, please?
17:06Yes.
17:15Do you know what's going on with her, Shay?
17:18She got very emotional from the last session, like, in regards to her social life.
17:28She's going through a lot of emotions.
17:30I feel like she's battling with herself.
17:32Do you want to go and find her?
17:35Yeah.
17:36But I do hear it, because at the first session that I've done,
17:38I got emotional.
17:40Do you know what I mean?
17:40So it's only...
17:41It's only natural, like...
17:43So it's OK to feel overwhelmed, I guess, especially when you're not used to it,
17:47talking about your feelings out loud.
17:51So, yeah.
17:57OK, OK?
17:58Mm-hm.
17:59What's wrong?
18:00It's just annoying.
18:02What's annoying?
18:03Every second, just everyone just walking around telling everyone that I have no fucking friends.
18:06It's annoying.
18:07Baby, it's not...
18:08No, but I mean, like, it seems like I'm mad controlling.
18:10Like, it's just...
18:10So you're still not understanding?
18:11No, but you're just making it seem like I'm mad controlling.
18:13Ah, did the controlling come out of my mouth?
18:15That's how you're making it seem?
18:16That's how you're implying?
18:17She says statements that I'll carry.
18:19For example, I feel like I'm losing my independence.
18:22I am not the kind of person to stop you from living your life.
18:27So I just felt like she needs to be a bit more mindful of the words she chooses to
18:32use in these kind of situations.
18:39How are you feeling?
18:40OK, I'm fine.
18:42Yeah.
18:44Would you like to talk about what happened?
18:45How I triggered you?
18:49I feel like I don't ask for much and I don't feel like I'm that difficult of a person,
18:55but I feel like it's been made to seem like I'm so difficult when I just feel like I'm just
18:59a casual, simple person that just barely asks for anything.
19:03Yeah.
19:05What do you think of that, Shay?
19:08Yeah, she barely answers for anything, but if I want to go out with my friends, I'm allowed to.
19:16Yes, you are.
19:17You are allowed.
19:20That's...
19:21I agree.
19:22You are allowed.
19:23Didn't say you wasn't allowed, not once.
19:25To be fair.
19:29Yeah.
19:31How I feel right now is that it's like, oh, well, you...
19:33Just because you don't have people around you or a huge group of people and all these things
19:38to do doesn't mean you need to kind of be on my case.
19:40So that's how it's starting to feel.
19:42Like, you're using that when that's, like, a whole separate problem.
19:47No, but it's not a whole separate problem, though, because it's still entwined with this,
19:50I feel like.
19:51Because you don't go out as much, I feel like you're on to me.
19:53No, that's not at all.
19:54Why?
19:55You know why.
19:56I have said why.
19:56Yeah, but then how...
19:57Yeah, but, all right, cool, the cheating.
19:59But how many times are we going to go about talking about the cheating, the cheating,
20:02the cheating?
20:03Do you get what I mean?
20:04Like, how many times are we going to do this?
20:05When you don't do the same behaviours you did when you were cheating.
20:08When you were cheating, you were ignoring me and you needed all this space.
20:11So if you could literally communicate a little bit better and not feel like I don't exist
20:14when you step flat out the house, then I wouldn't have those feelings or those concerns.
20:21And I would probably be able to park it up.
20:22So it's that checking in in order to rebuild the trust.
20:28That's it.
20:29And not too often, but just Mons feels as if you have her in mind when you're out.
20:37Yeah.
20:38Do you both feel comfortable with that?
20:40Yeah.
20:41Yeah, on both sides.
20:43Yeah.
20:44And finally, your couple is only as good as what you put into it.
20:48So that push-pull dynamic that you often experience of one of you pulling back,
20:54the other one pushing forward, that needs to be equalised in some way.
20:57You're both autonomous, but actually you think about the couple.
21:03Yeah.
21:04Well, that's a work in progress for you two.
21:09I feel like the session helps me understand that we need to help each other in the areas
21:14that we're stronger at, because she's stronger with her friends and I'm stronger in my relationship.
21:19So if we was able to, like, teach each other that, I feel like we'd be great.
21:22That's the end of our time together.
21:24Thank you.
21:24Take care, thank you.
21:25Thank you both.
21:26Bye.
21:26My whole view of therapy has changed.
21:29I've learned that it's not always about your independency, as because I am in a relationship.
21:36It's more of a partnership.
21:37So you have to find balance.
21:39I'm trying to be a better partner and I'm trying to understand where her anxiety comes from.
21:45You can't rush this.
21:46It's a journey and it's an ongoing journey.
21:50Like, with therapy, I guess it doesn't stop.
21:52Would you do it again?
21:54Yeah.
21:54Like, I want to work on me.
21:56I want to work on, like, us.
21:59I love Shay.
22:00Right now, I just want to keep doing therapy and go from there.
22:23Like, you know he's got a vasectomy and I've told you about that.
22:27Yeah.
22:28But he didn't tell me that he hasn't actually frozen his sperm.
22:34Yeah.
22:34Oh, my gosh.
22:35Yeah.
22:36Like, it's just not okay.
22:37Yeah.
22:38It's actually made me really sad, to be honest.
22:40Like, I didn't realise that we'd missed the mark of each other so much.
22:44Yeah.
22:44Like, in my mind, he wanted to have a fourth child.
22:47Yeah.
22:47And, like, it's just broken me.
22:49It has.
22:50And I don't think he realises just how much.
22:52Mm.
22:53I think in your therapy, you just really, you know, really just got to speak to him about,
22:58you know, I need transparency all the way.
23:00Even if you know I'm going to be upset, like, you can't hide anything from me.
23:04Otherwise, that trust, you know, you know, he has to be completely transparent.
23:10I don't... I'll be honest with you.
23:12Like, I don't want him anywhere near me right now.
23:15Like, I just need a minute.
23:16I just need some space and I need to process.
23:41What I really want to get to in this final session with Maria and Victor
23:45is what is the fear that's holding this couple back.
23:48I want to get underneath Victor's defence, open him up a little bit,
23:54expose his vulnerability and help this couple move to the next stage.
24:02Hi.
24:02Hello, both.
24:03Nice to see you again.
24:04Maria, Victor, hi.
24:06Hi.
24:06Hi.
24:07OK.
24:08Welcome to our last session together.
24:12So, I gave you some homework.
24:16Did you do it?
24:17I did share with him my poems.
24:21It didn't go that good.
24:23But, yeah, his kind of response back to the poem was a bit...
24:30..not what I expected it to be.
24:33Well, I think you should sit looking at each other and read it again.
24:37Thank you.
24:44I'm not here to fight, not here to point fingers or fold us into blame.
24:50I'm here because I still see us.
24:53Somewhere, under the silence, I'm getting the ick.
24:58Marriage was never a prize I wanted to earn,
25:01but to finally feel like I've been chosen.
25:04And now, I find myself pulling back.
25:08Not out of malice, not out of pride, but out of quiet heartbreak.
25:14I'm saying this because I still believe in us.
25:26And I want to believe in me inside of us again.
25:29So, let's talk, because I haven't given up.
25:33I'm just trying to find my way back to the love that felt like home.
25:38Not just for you, but for me, too.
25:42So, yeah.
25:46OK? Thank you.
25:48Can I give you a hug? Yeah.
25:53Thank you for that.
25:55See, this is what I would have wanted yesterday when I read that to you.
26:00This is what I would have wanted.
26:03But yesterday, you gave me, like...
26:08Yesterday, you really kind of invalidated my feelings in a way.
26:13Like, that's the type of reception I would have loved to have received
26:16when I read that to you the first time.
26:18Not here.
26:22You OK? Sit down.
26:27What happened yesterday, then?
26:28What was the response you gave?
26:30Like, I appreciate it.
26:31I said, I appreciate it.
26:32Thank you for sharing.
26:33Appreciate it.
26:33And I'm sorry you feel that way.
26:35But however...
26:36And I switched it all, like, onto her and made it about myself.
26:40It's almost like, how dare you say those things?
26:42And it's... Yeah.
26:43Do you realise that you might do that a lot?
26:45Make it about yourself?
26:47I was just in a different mental state yesterday.
26:50Because I also saw my dad yesterday.
26:52We had a lot of conversations.
26:53I think I was in a different mental state.
26:55I don't know.
26:55It's just the way I reacted was basically not so emotional.
26:58Say more about the conversation with your father.
27:01He feels sorry almost that he didn't teach me how to, like, express my emotions.
27:05But he didn't even know that that is something that he should teach me.
27:09It was the first time we actually ever sat down and talked about emotions and feelings and things.
27:15Isn't that part of a relationship that you do have somebody that you can share these types of vulnerabilities and
27:21sensitivities with?
27:23Does he do that?
27:25He does, like, he talks about his feelings, but he just very much just keeps it surface level.
27:30Even yesterday when he came back from his dad, I said, what did you and your dad talk about?
27:34I, he did not tell me any of this.
27:36Can you see that actually this is a block to intimacy, vulnerability, sharing and creating a life together with somebody?
27:44Yeah, I can see how that might, might be causing some, some issues here.
27:49Yeah, yeah.
27:52Thank you for that.
27:56And for you, Maria, what's been going on since the last session?
28:00What have you been thinking about?
28:01Um, I actually went to a bridal store with my best friend because she's getting married soon.
28:08She went in a bit deep, like, in the sense of, she's told me things I've never really, like, heard
28:14her say.
28:15She was very, like, frank with me and just to the point.
28:18She was like, how would you feel if she was in the same situation as me?
28:23And I was like, I would tell her to leave because it's clear that this guy is just...
28:28Would you tell her to leave?
28:29I would, yeah.
28:30Is that you telling yourself to leave?
28:36I mean, she's already thinking about it.
28:38You've both been questioned by others, is this the right match?
28:41So my question to you is, are you just too enmeshed?
28:44Are you just too stuck together, but for the wrong reasons?
28:50It just feels like she wants all of these things from me, but she's not even doing...
28:56What's all of these things?
28:57Well, she, you want, you want me to be her husband?
28:58You want me to marry her?
28:59Yeah, I do.
29:00Out of potential, out of, like, faith, like, believe that one day, that you're going to
29:04show me, that you're going to show me, like, once we're married, that you're that woman,
29:08that you're ready to be a mother, that you're ready to be a wife.
29:11Which woman?
29:11Which woman?
29:12What does that look like for you?
29:13What, a wife?
29:15A wife?
29:15Yeah, a wife.
29:16Wakes up the same time that I do, not scrolling on TikTok till 10, 11 a.m.
29:21Like, you need to have some sort of discipline.
29:23You need to have some sort of, like, structure on day-to-day basis.
29:26If you want to be a wife, you want to be a mother.
29:27Sorry.
29:28I'm waking up in the morning, scrolling on TikTok to find trends so that we can work, and then
29:34I go straight to emails, because I know we've got brands waiting for us to reply back.
29:38Do you do that?
29:40Because that's what I'm doing.
29:42I read the contracts.
29:44I negotiate with the brands back and forth.
29:45Do you know how long negotiation takes so that we can get paid what we get paid?
29:49I do, because I do it too.
29:50It's not just you.
29:51Once in a while, when I say, oh my gosh, babe, we've got 500 emails in our thingy, because...
29:56We have split responsibilities within the business that we've split.
30:00No, we don't.
30:00I cannot do everything.
30:01You cannot do everything.
30:02That's why we split things.
30:03Nah, I'm not having that.
30:04Every single time we did a video idea that I said to do, it works.
30:07I've got a video that hit 1 million views, 22 million views.
30:11So just take everything that I do.
30:14Sorry, I'm shouting.
30:15Sorry.
30:16Have you ever...
30:17There's frustration there, isn't there?
30:18That's what it is.
30:19I understand.
30:19I'm so sorry.
30:20But what if I started doing crazy stuff out of frustration?
30:23That'd be very wrong, right?
30:25If I started like...
30:26You raise your voice as well.
30:27I don't think I've raised my voice.
30:28It might not impact Maria quite in the same way as it impacts you.
30:32Exactly.
30:33I can handle it.
30:34You can't handle heat.
30:35But it's a different story.
30:36If the men start not being able to handle themselves.
30:39You can't handle it.
30:40Good thing that I can handle myself.
30:41Yeah, and I can handle anything.
30:43Period.
30:43That's why I'm handling this conversation so easy.
30:46Before you decide on marriage, why are you two even together?
30:49Let's have a think about that.
31:05Take it down, here we go.
31:07It's my time this year.
31:09I've been around, but it feel like it's my prime this year.
31:12Off the ground to the sky, full of confidence that I'ma make it.
31:16Ain't nothing was given, so I had to take it.
31:25Told mama don't worry about me, I'm going pro.
31:28No if and but some maybe, there's something I know.
31:31I sacrificed so much, yeah, trying to make it.
31:34Ain't nothing was given, I had to take it.
31:38Ain't nothing was given, I had to take it.
31:42Nothing was given, I had to take it.
31:45I sacrificed so much, yeah, I gotta make it.
31:48Ain't nothing was given, so I had to take it.
31:52Ain't nothing was given, nothing was given, I had to take it.
31:55Ain't nothing was given, I had to take it.
31:56I had to compromise, I had to take it.
31:59Yeah, I sacrificed so much, yeah, I gotta make it.
32:02Ain't nothing was given, so I had to take it.
32:22Ain't nothing was given, I had to take it.
32:26Ain't nothing was given, I had to take it.
32:29Ain't nothing was given, I had to take it.
32:33Ain't nothing was given, I had to take it.
32:42Ain't nothing was given, I had to take it.
32:42Ain't nothing was given, I had to take it.
32:42Ain't nothing was given, I had to take it.
32:42Ain't nothing was given, I had to take it.
32:46Ain't nothing was given, I had to take it.
32:50Ain't nothing was given, I had to take it.
32:51Gracias.
33:21Gracias.
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