- 1 day ago
The Office US S09E10 Lice Cut 1 H 264
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00:08To me, the Sixers are a five seed, tops.
00:12I think they're going to the conference finals.
00:15Bynum, obvious monster.
00:17I have three-point shooting, don't even...
00:19I bit my lip at lunch today.
00:23Sucks.
00:24Anyway, I just don't see it.
00:26The Knicks are tough.
00:27The Nets are tough.
00:28Oh, the Nets are super tough.
00:30Now I have this big bump in my lip that hurts.
00:34I hate it.
00:36The Hawks are terrible.
00:39They're always terrible.
00:40Okay, you need to think about it before you come with the...
00:47Whatever.
00:48It's not a big deal.
00:49You know, I always tell my three-year-old,
00:50if this is the worst thing that's going to happen,
00:52you've got to be kidding me!
00:54Okay.
00:55Pym, that's it.
00:57I'm going home.
01:10Good morning, Meredith.
01:13What?
01:14Oh, sorry.
01:16Pam.
01:17Yikes.
01:19Jim's been spending a few days a week in Philly,
01:21and I'm not going to lie,
01:23it's been challenging.
01:27Yesterday, things took a turn for the worse.
01:30I found out Cece has lice.
01:32So I was up all night disinfecting every sheet, towel, toy,
01:37item of clothing in the entire house.
01:40I'm exhausted.
01:42But don't tell Jim.
01:44Jim, he has a huge meeting today, under a lot of pressure,
01:48and he's doing it all for the family.
01:55Hey.
01:56There he is.
01:58You cool for today?
01:59Cool?
02:00Rose, if I'm so cool, I'm frozen.
02:04Sorry.
02:05I will not talk like that.
02:07I'll be cool.
02:08I am meeting Dr. J today,
02:11otherwise known as Julius Erving,
02:13famed 76er, and my own personal hero.
02:16But I have to be careful not to rub it in Pam's face,
02:18because, let's be honest,
02:20how would I feel if I was at home,
02:22stuck with the kids,
02:23while she was go-karting with John Stamos?
02:27You sound tired.
02:28Everything okay?
02:29Great.
02:30Everything's great.
02:31Hey, are you nervous about your big meeting?
02:33Uh, a little bit.
02:35It's a lot of pressure, you know.
02:37But that's what I signed up for, right?
02:38Jim, limo's here.
02:41Uh, you know what?
02:42I gotta hop off,
02:43because my, uh, taxi is here
02:45to take me to the meeting.
02:46Oh, call me later.
02:48Okay.
02:48Good luck.
02:48Thanks.
02:49I love you.
02:49Love you too.
02:50Bye.
02:53How you doing?
02:54Okay.
02:55I mean, it's what you want, so...
02:56It's how it has to be.
02:58I know.
02:59I know.
03:00It's just hard.
03:01Me and Val, we're going nowhere.
03:04And if I'm going to be working in Philly,
03:06I'm going to need my freedom.
03:07So I convinced Val to break out with me.
03:09Here's how you do it.
03:10You say,
03:11what are you going to do, break out with me?
03:13Like, as a joke.
03:14And then you gain a lot of weight.
03:16I'll never be sorry.
03:18Not for a moment of it.
03:19Me neither.
03:24Hey, Meredith.
03:25I need your supply requests today.
03:27She was each in the morning.
03:28Will you stop your nagging already?
03:29No wonder Jim left you.
03:31He didn't leave me.
03:32He just went part-time.
03:37Can you just fill out the form, please?
03:39Yes.
03:42I'm sure she's just confused.
03:44People scratch their heads when they're confused.
03:48Not always like an ape, the way Meredith just did,
03:50but it happens.
03:52Hurry up already.
03:53Trust me, I know what I'm doing.
03:55Between the foster homes and the orphanage,
03:57I had lice 22 times.
04:00Set a foster home record.
04:02Fewest lice infestations.
04:04Holy wow, that's a big one.
04:06All right.
04:06Pencils down, everyone.
04:07We've got lice.
04:08Oh, God.
04:10Meredith, lice?
04:11Did you not sign a pledge to shower?
04:13What?
04:15Lice?
04:16Oh, my God.
04:17Lock the doors.
04:18We're on full quarantine.
04:20Dwight, relax.
04:21It's just lice.
04:23Maybe.
04:23Possibly.
04:24Just lice, Pam.
04:26Of all of the vermin in God's great green kingdom,
04:29lice are the ones I detest the most.
04:32My first day of school,
04:33I had lice,
04:33and no one would play with me.
04:35For 15 years,
04:37they called me freak and four eyes
04:39and sci-fi nerd and girl puncher,
04:41all because I had lice when I was seven.
04:44Make, wait.
04:45Nope.
04:45Inspect me.
04:46Hey.
04:48Oh, this is the cleanest scalp I've ever seen.
04:51You are all clear.
04:52It should be.
04:53I use lice shampoo every morning.
04:55Hey!
04:56Oh, Matt.
04:57Dwight.
04:59Next.
05:00Cousin Moe's had lice from age five to age 12.
05:04It's siphoned a smart right out of his brain.
05:06He used to be able to take apart
05:08and put together a sewing machine in three minutes.
05:10Now all he can do is take it apart with a hammer
05:12and it takes him all winter.
05:15Lice!
05:16Jeez, Meredith, you know, this is an office.
05:18It's not one of your beanbag orgies.
05:20Let's give her a break.
05:22We don't know for sure this is Meredith's fault.
05:24Pam?
05:26Really?
05:27Come on.
05:27What do you want?
05:28I know who I am.
05:30Nobody's taken Meredith Palmer to the opera to meet the queen.
05:33Lice.
05:33More lice.
05:35Angela has lice.
05:36Ew!
05:37Ow!
05:38Ooh, yabber.
05:40Lice.
05:40Yeah, I have sweet blood from my diabetes.
05:43Ticks, lice.
05:44They all want a piece of Stanley.
05:45Yikers.
05:46Lice.
05:47No!
05:48How?
05:49I'm so clean.
05:51Oh, yeah.
05:51Big time.
05:52I wash my hands at least six times a day.
05:55Toilet seat covers?
05:56Yes, thank you.
05:57Even when I pee.
05:58Apparently, none of that is protection enough.
06:00Not when it comes to Meredith.
06:01I don't know if I try something to see it.
06:05Ooh!
06:06Ah, yes!
06:06Hey, what are you wearing?
06:08It's a hazmat suit.
06:09That stands for hazardous materials men's suit wearing.
06:14If you rent more than four times a year, it just makes sense to buy.
06:17Is there anyone else here that is lice-free?
06:22Excellent.
06:23You have your own hazmat suits?
06:25No.
06:26No.
06:26Renters.
06:27Okay, I'm going to need you to gather your belongings, retreat to the warehouse, conduct
06:32your business there until the infected have been deloused.
06:36Let's get going.
06:37I'm going to stay here and fight.
06:38If you don't hear from me by lunch, call me.
06:40I might want lunch.
06:42All right, we're going down to my warehouse.
06:45That means we're playing by my rules.
06:47No messing with the bailer.
06:48And be cool in front of me and Val, we just broke up.
06:51You got dumped?
06:52Yeah, she ended things.
06:54Breakup's the worst.
06:55The only thing that got me through mine was large amounts for shepherd's pie and brandy.
06:59The singer, not the drink.
07:01Yeah, when me and Stacey broke up, I was so depressed.
07:04All I could do was sit around and eat double-stuffed Oreos for weeks.
07:11It was...
07:12best.
07:16Here, man.
07:19You need that more than me.
07:25Thanks, man.
07:26Yeah.
07:29Turns out you get mad sympathy when people think you're all sad about a girl dumping you.
07:34It's like when I used to pretend to be sick when I was a kid.
07:37Except for these people don't see through me like my mama did.
07:39She would whoop my ass.
07:41Guys, I think we should all ease up on Meredith.
07:43This has got to be hard for her.
07:45Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
07:46I have not yet begun to shame.
07:48That's it.
07:49I'm getting my stuff.
07:50I'm leaving for the day.
07:51No.
07:52Stanley, if you leave now, then you'll get it in your car, and then you'll get it in your house.
07:55Get off of me.
07:56I'm trying to save you from yourself.
07:58All right, I'll stay.
08:00There's a pencil broken in my rolls.
08:04Maybe it was Meredith.
08:06Maybe she brought in lice that are totally different than the lice that I got from Cece.
08:11So let's not jump to the simplest conclusion that she got her lice from me.
08:15That is how wars get started.
08:20Fine, I'll tell her it was me.
08:23Oh, man.
08:25That's very squeezed.
08:26And are all the snacks complimentary?
08:29Yeah, take some home if you want.
08:31Oh, no, no, no, that's okay.
08:40Um.
08:42I'm sorry, is this the conference center?
08:44No.
08:44Mr. Irving called.
08:45Said he'd rather meet you at his private court.
08:49You've got to be kidding me.
08:54Hey, Meredith, I need to tell you something.
08:56Oh, my God, Meredith, what are you doing?
08:59Baking a cake.
08:59What does it look like I'm doing?
09:00Getting rid of the lice.
09:01Oh, stop.
09:02I'm so sorry.
09:03Oh, can you hold that thought?
09:04That's my wax.
09:05You know, I think these critters migrated from down south.
09:09What were you saying?
09:11Nothing.
09:13I'm going to tell her, but now is clearly not the time.
09:17I will buy her a wig.
09:18We'll have a few laughs.
09:21There's a right way to do this.
09:27Scalp leeches.
09:28Skull vampires.
09:30Follicle gypsies.
09:31Hair lawyers.
09:32One thing is clear.
09:34It's kill or be killed.
09:35No, no, no.
09:36It's more of a nuisance, really.
09:37It's not that big a deal.
09:39So, I've collected your hats and your coats.
09:41To be born.
09:42To be washed.
09:43What do we do about our heads?
09:45I'm not going to lie.
09:46Lie!
09:47No, all we need is mayonnaise.
09:49Excuse me?
09:50She's right.
09:51It works.
09:52I would imagine.
09:54Yes, it helps to suffocate the little buddies,
09:56and it's a really healthy alternative to the chemicals found in most lice shampoos.
10:01I can appreciate that.
10:02I also only eat local, organic produce.
10:08Shaboom!
10:08How do you like me now?
10:10Wow.
10:11Take a picture.
10:12It'll last longer.
10:13We don't want it to last longer.
10:14It's horrible.
10:15Bald people need me sick.
10:17Yeah, yeah.
10:18Everybody pile on Meredith.
10:19But I'm the only one with the balls to show them lice who's boss.
10:25Okay, nobody panic.
10:26If everybody just follows my instructions, then nobody else needs to end up bald.
10:30Not that it looks bad, Meredith.
10:32It looks awesome.
10:34You look like a baby who suddenly aged 50 years.
10:37A cute baby.
10:38But something sucked the life force out of it.
10:41I'm so sorry.
10:41We need mayonnaise.
10:42We need it now.
10:43Oh, I'll go.
10:44Okay.
10:45Oh, thank you.
10:46No, no, it's not a big deal.
10:47Please, no.
10:48Um, Meredith.
10:48Can I get you something special while I'm at the store?
10:51Candy or one of those stylish turbans?
10:54Thanks, Pam.
10:55I'll take a pack of Nicorette gum and a pack of Kools.
10:57Okay.
10:58Oh, are you trying to quit smoking?
10:59Quit, start.
11:00Who knows anymore?
11:01Okay.
11:06Let's talk cubes, people.
11:09Hey, Daryl.
11:10Oh, hey, Val.
11:16Oh, that was tragic.
11:19Oh, that was like a car crash.
11:21I couldn't look away.
11:22You two still clearly have feelings for each other.
11:25Yeah.
11:26What's going to make you feel better, big guy?
11:28When I was a kid, my grandmother used to make me chocolate cake
11:31when I wasn't feeling good.
11:33She's not around to do that anymore.
11:35I'm sorry.
11:36I just need a moment to myself to clear my head.
11:41Oh, poor Daryl.
11:43I can't bear to see him suffer like this.
11:44I think he needs some hugs and maybe some chocolate cake.
11:50This won't help.
11:52He made some muffin, not cake.
11:54Listen, let's try and get Daryl the one thing in the world
11:56he clearly wants and needs the most.
11:59An Escalade.
12:01Or, what's her name?
12:04Val.
12:05Let's get Daryl Val.
12:08I hope you don't mind me bringing you out here.
12:10I can't get my knees under a desk.
12:11Are you kidding me?
12:12I could literally scalp tickets to this.
12:14Well, you think you could sink one from deep?
12:17Listen, I don't mean to intimidate you,
12:19but I did play a little high school ball.
12:21Okay.
12:26Wow, Halpert's got game.
12:28All right.
12:28Oh, sorry.
12:30I'm so sorry.
12:31This is my wife.
12:32Can I take this?
12:33If it's your wife, you better take it.
12:35Right?
12:39Hey, what's up?
12:40Everything okay?
12:41Oh, no.
12:41Everything's great.
12:42I was just calling to see how the meeting went.
12:45It's still happening right now, actually.
12:47So.
12:48He's really making me work for it, huh?
12:50Yes.
12:50It is very stressful.
12:52Are you sure everything's okay?
12:54Great.
12:54I am killing it over here.
12:59Jim, I gotta go.
13:00Okay.
13:01Bye.
13:02So sorry about that.
13:03No problem.
13:04Hey, Jim, what size do you wear, man?
13:05I got a pair of Japanese Nikes with your name on them.
13:08What do you think?
13:09I love it.
13:11Once it's all over your head,
13:13just leave it there for four hours.
13:14That will be enough time for the lice to fall asleep,
13:17suffocate, and then pass away.
13:19Oh, sure.
13:21And when you're ready to get serious,
13:23come to me to get it done right.
13:26Put those away before you hurt yourself.
13:32Oh, God.
13:33Oh, no.
13:35No.
13:36No.
13:38No.
13:39No.
13:40No.
13:41No.
13:43No.
13:43No.
13:45Okay.
13:45It's easier with a buddy.
13:47So everybody pair up.
13:48Oscar.
13:49You want to be my partner?
13:51Yeah, yeah, sure.
13:53I'd love to.
13:54Hey, uh, mail buddy.
13:56Five dollar tip.
13:57You unclog my ears.
13:58Okay?
13:59Oh.
14:00Creed, I'm so sorry.
14:01I'm already partners with Pete.
14:03Right, Pete?
14:04Uh, yeah.
14:05We promised each other if we ever got lice,
14:07we'd buddy up.
14:08So, sorry, man.
14:12Hey, Creed.
14:13You want to be my buddy?
14:15Oh, God.
14:16I'm stuck with a weirdo.
14:24Angela.
14:24You don't want bugs.
14:26You know?
14:27Who knows where those bugs will end up.
14:31You're getting a bargain.
14:32I ain't got no hair no more.
14:36Creed.
14:38I'm all done.
14:39My turn.
14:40I'm sorry, Pam.
14:41It looks a little messy.
14:44Oh, wait.
14:45I didn't love it either,
14:46but come on.
14:46This is a partnership.
14:48Oh, sure.
14:49I have a quarter inch of hair
14:50and you're a muskox.
14:51Back to there.
14:56How's that?
14:58I feel it working.
15:00Oh.
15:03Eiffel Tower.
15:06Maonicornism is a serious problem
15:08in our society.
15:09As is facial posterioritis.
15:12Known on the street as
15:13butthead syndrome.
15:14If you find someone
15:15you know and love
15:16with this condition,
15:16please get help.
15:17Quickly,
15:18before someone spanks your face.
15:21No.
15:22No.
15:24Can I help you?
15:25Well,
15:26we don't want to pry,
15:28but we heard you broke up
15:29with Daryl.
15:30Yeah, that's true.
15:31We think you made
15:32a big, big mistake.
15:33Big mistake.
15:34Quite enormous.
15:35He's a real catch,
15:36and you should take him back.
15:38Okay.
15:40Is that all?
15:41No.
15:42No, that is not all.
15:43Let me tell you
15:44what real life is like.
15:46The men dry up
15:47and the nights get lonely.
15:48The only calls
15:49on your machine
15:50are from collection agencies
15:51about that pair
15:52of motorcycle boots
15:52you've never even worn.
15:54You stalk your old
15:55high school boyfriend online,
15:57go to his daughter's
15:57soccer games,
15:58and make a scene.
15:59You buy a diamond ring
16:01for yourself,
16:02wear it on your right hand,
16:03and tell yourself
16:04you're all you need.
16:05One day,
16:06you're alone,
16:07tired,
16:08at your feet,
16:09a dying bird.
16:11Where did it come from?
16:12Why did you kill it?
16:13Is it because
16:14in some strange way,
16:15it is you?
16:17Thank you all
16:18for your concern,
16:19but I'm gonna have
16:20to ask you to leave,
16:21okay?
16:22Pff.
16:27So, does this mean
16:28you're gonna take
16:29Daryl back?
16:30No.
16:30Well, then,
16:32what would you say
16:32to you and me
16:34hitting the town?
16:36Because
16:37I'm free
16:38literally forever.
16:41Yeah, Kevin asked me out.
16:42I was kind of feeling good
16:43about reentering
16:44the dating pool,
16:44and then
16:45Kevin asked me out.
16:47Thought I might trade up
16:48to a new level of man.
16:50Then Kevin asked me out.
17:04Hello?
17:04Hi, honey.
17:05It's mom.
17:06Look, Susie's school
17:07just called.
17:08She still has lice.
17:09What?
17:10No, that can't.
17:11I don't...
17:12Don't worry.
17:12Don't worry.
17:12I'm on my way to pick her up.
17:14You might have lice, too.
17:16Lice can be tricky.
17:17Sometimes lice...
17:19Oh, my God.
17:20Shave her head.
17:22Shave her head!
17:30I am so sorry.
17:32It's just been so chaotic
17:33with Jim gone.
17:34Yeah, yeah.
17:34Princess Fancy Pants
17:36letting Jane 12-pack over here
17:37take the fall.
17:39She's right, Pam.
17:40Is there a volume knob
17:41on that thing?
17:42Yes, there's a volume knob
17:44on that thing.
17:46Meredith,
17:47I am so sorry.
17:50Well, a lot of good
17:51your sorries are doing
17:52her now, Pam.
17:53She's a monster.
17:56I meant to say
17:57something earlier.
17:59I just...
17:59Just...
18:00Just what?
18:02Just forgot?
18:04Who's the one
18:05that didn't bring lice
18:06into the office?
18:07Meredith!
18:08Sure, I gave everybody
18:09pink eye once
18:10and my ex keyed
18:11a few of their cars.
18:12And yeah,
18:13I BM'd in the shredder
18:14on New Year's.
18:15But I didn't bring
18:16the lice in.
18:17That was all Pam.
18:20Attention,
18:21people of the office.
18:22You have exactly
18:2460 seconds
18:24to evacuate
18:25the bullpen.
18:27At that time,
18:28I will be tossing
18:30this powerful
18:31insecticidal grenade
18:32which contains
18:34piperonal
18:35buttoxide
18:35as well as...
18:39Dwight!
18:40Are you okay?
18:44Whoa.
18:45The pipertoxide
18:46has a mild
18:47hallucinogenic effect
18:48but I don't think
18:48it's kicked in yet.
18:50I'm gonna count down
18:50for ten.
18:52Nine.
18:53Yellow.
18:55Cold.
18:57Sad.
19:01Wow.
19:02He got to purple.
19:05Ow!
19:06Sorry.
19:11You're waterboarding me!
19:13Oops.
19:24No, this is fine.
19:26We're allowed to do this.
19:27This is okay.
19:33Hey, you're up.
19:35Yeah, I'm actually
19:35kind of sad
19:36to see this baby go.
19:37You do
19:38kind of look like Elvis
19:39but we should probably
19:41wash all the dead lice out.
19:48Okay.
19:50Okay.
19:55Is that too cold?
19:56No.
19:57It actually feels
19:57kind of nice.
20:10I wonder what
20:10happened over there.
20:11I've been sitting here
20:12the whole time.
20:16I gotta warn you,
20:17most of my experience
20:18is in washing dogs
20:20so
20:20no Vidal Sassoon
20:22here.
20:23Just go.
20:23Okay, all right.
20:24Go on.
20:37Okay.
20:38Huh?
20:39Let's give it a shot.
20:40Let's make it work.
20:41Oh, no.
20:42I mean, I want to.
20:43I just,
20:43I don't want to
20:44force you into doing
20:45something you don't want to do.
20:47You're not.
20:48I believe in us.
20:50But
20:54I'm back together
20:55with Val.
20:58Yay.
21:04Yeah.
21:05Yeah.
21:05Yeah.
21:06I feel like that little baby.
21:08What's his name?
21:09He shoots you with the arrows.
21:10Stewie.
21:11I think Daryl O's a group
21:13of particularly astute upstairs.
21:15It's a heartfelt apology.
21:16Yeah.
21:16Yeah.
21:17Don't mess with the baler
21:18and be cool around Val.
21:23I did mess up the baler.
21:25No.
21:26No, it's probably
21:27on its last legs anyway.
21:28Yeah.
21:29Probably.
21:34Oh.
21:44Oh, look who it is.
21:46Typhoid Mary.
21:47Angela.
21:48Don't, Pam.
21:49You brought lice
21:50into the office.
21:51Who's to say
21:52what else you have?
21:53Disgusting.
22:05Had a pretty good day today.
22:07Not everything went
22:08exactly according to plan,
22:09but lice,
22:11if you are watching,
22:13I am ready for you
22:14anytime,
22:15anywhere.
22:20There.
22:21Hey.
22:23Aaron already take off?
22:24I guess so.
22:27Okay.
22:32You're Kareem.
22:33Coming to help.
22:34I'm Kareem.
22:35That makes total sense.
22:36I'm Kareem.
22:37You're Dr. J.
22:37It just sounds weird
22:38to say out loud.
22:39And it went like this.
22:44And that's all.
22:45That's it.
22:46No one will believe
22:46this back home,
22:47but that's okay.
22:48Let me show you how.
22:49Yeah, you show me how.
22:51This is Jim Halpert.
22:52Leave a message.
22:54Hey, honey.
22:54It's me.
22:56Just trying to catch you
22:57before going home.
22:59Um.
23:00Oh, well.
23:01Just give me a call whenever.
23:02Hope your day got better.
23:04Love you.
23:07Hey.
23:08What you doing right now?
23:10Oh, I'm just gonna go home.
23:11My mom's been watching
23:12the kids all day.
23:14Let her stay another hour.
23:15Let's go get a beer.
23:17Really?
23:18The beer sounds incredible
23:19right now.
23:20Oh, duh.
23:21Let's go.
23:22You're buying.
23:26Meredith, I am so sorry
23:27about today.
23:28Forget about it.
23:29I just did not realize
23:31how hard it was gonna be
23:32without Jim.
23:34I mean, I really respect you
23:36for being a single mom
23:37all these years.
23:38It whipped my ass
23:39in half a week.
23:39Here's a tip.
23:41Screw around all you want,
23:42but don't bring a guy
23:44into your child's home.
23:46In a pinch,
23:47use the garage
23:48and do him on the porch.
23:49Of course.
23:50I would never screw around.
23:51Hey, I don't judge.
23:52I mean, life is to be enjoyed.
23:54Have a Crisco party.
23:55Get it on with the priest.
23:56I would not do that.
23:57But it's about the kids.
23:59That's sacred.
24:00You know what I'm talking about?
24:02I get the gist.
24:03Dress up like a jockey
24:04and do the Penn State
24:04lacrosse team.
24:05I don't care.
24:06But the kids come first.
24:14Hey, Meredith.
24:16I have to say,
24:17there are not a lot of people
24:18who could pull off a shaved head,
24:19but you are rocking it.
24:20Right?
24:22I got the bartender's phone number
24:23when you were in the john.
24:24I'm going to take that freak
24:25to Bonetown
24:26before the night is over.
24:36This one's for all you ladies out there.
24:41Okay.
24:42Not yet.
24:46My mother says,
24:50when you're going to live your life?
24:53Oh, mother, dear,
24:54we're not the fortunate ones.
24:57And girls,
24:58they want to have fun.
25:00Oh, girls just want to have fun.
25:04Oh, girls just want to have fun.
25:07Oh, man.
25:07Oh, she what did?
25:08Oh, baby.
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