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The Office US S09E01 New Guys Cut 1 H 264
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00:00www.ValosPowche.com
00:09Andy's coming back today.
00:14Andy's coming back today.
00:18Andy's coming back today.
00:19David Wallace sent him on an
00:21outward bound wilderness adventure
00:22for a whole month to make him more
00:24decisive and confident.
00:26He sent his own son too.
00:27Y el counselor dijo que ambos grew up big time.
00:34¿Cómo fue mi summer?
00:35Es bastante mezclar.
00:36Yo inventé un nuevo drinko de bebida.
00:40Mmm.
00:41Mmm.
00:42Eso es muy bueno.
00:44Pero tengo algunas cosas de medicina.
00:49Mr. Schrute, los resultados son in.
00:50No es el padre.
00:51I told you.
00:53Oh, Dios.
00:56¡Oh!
00:57Oh, my gosh.
00:59Oh, what a summer.
01:01An emotional rollercoaster.
01:04I ran over a turtle in the parking lot.
01:07But then I saved him by gluing his shell back together.
01:13But I'm not that good at puzzles.
01:15Ah, that piece doesn't go there.
01:17Shh.
01:18So I patched him with stuff from around the office.
01:22But I couldn't get the pieces to fit right.
01:25Right then, one day, while I was reaching for the glue, I crushed his shell again.
01:33But I rebuilt him even better that time.
01:37But it turned out the turtle was already dead.
01:43Probably when I ran over him the first time.
01:48For us, um, nothing new, really.
01:52The kids are great.
01:53You were really good at modesty.
01:54She's a genius.
01:54She painted this incredible mural in the kids' room.
01:57There's a hippo leading a parade of 500 children through the village.
02:02Oh, yes, Jim's friend is starting a new company based on this idea that Jim had when they were
02:07back in college.
02:08It's sports marketing, basically, but the athletes are partners.
02:12And he wanted Jim to be a partner, too.
02:13In Philly.
02:14So that doesn't really work for the family.
02:17But watch this guy make a billion dollars off my idea.
02:21He said if it takes off, he's going to buy us a new car.
02:23An Ultima or better.
02:26Kelly Kapoor is gone.
02:27Her fiancé, Ravi, was hired as a pediatrics professor at Miami University.
02:32I don't need him anymore.
02:34I am going to Miami, piatches, to hang with LeBron James and Gloria Estefan.
02:40Miami University in Ohio.
02:43On her last day, Kelly was still a little confused about it.
02:47Enjoy the snow, losers.
02:48I'm so happy for you, Kelly.
02:51Shortly after Kelly left, Ryan quit and also moved to Ohio for what he claimed were unrelated
02:58reasons.
02:59I've actually done a lot of market research, and it turns out that southwestern Ohio is
03:03going to be the next Silicon Valley.
03:05They call it the Silicon Prairie.
03:06It's a big university town.
03:09And, uh, it's not garbage.
03:13It's my clothes.
03:14And that was our summer.
03:19You good?
03:20Yeah, thanks.
03:22Don't you guys have everything?
03:24I mean, it's just a paper company.
03:27Well, we're more following you guys to see how you turn out.
03:30Oh, yeah.
03:31I guess we were kind of dramatic in the beginning.
03:35Well, I don't think anything's going to change in our lives now.
03:38Well, with work and two kids, nothing interesting is going to happen to us for a long, long time.
04:12Andy's coming back today.
04:15Hey, uh, does anybody know where we throw these out?
04:18Oh, my God.
04:19It's called a garbage can.
04:21Helpless.
04:22There's two new guys back there with me now.
04:25They're in their 20s, and we really get along.
04:28Looking good.
04:29Just three single guys getting into trouble.
04:34They're like the new Jim and Dwight.
04:37Oh, yes, yes, I see that.
04:40Perfect.
04:42Hey, new Jim.
04:43Come sit on my face.
04:44No, thank you.
04:46My name's Pete.
04:48No, Pete is not the new Jim.
04:51The only thing we have in common is that neither of us wants to sit on Meredith's face.
04:55And if that makes him the new Jim, then every human being in the world is the new Jim.
05:00Andy's here.
05:01Old Dwight.
05:02New Dwight.
05:02Andy's here.
05:03New Jim.
05:03Tuna.
05:03Andy's here.
05:04Pam.
05:04He's here.
05:06Hey!
05:08Ah!
05:09Wow.
05:10I thought about this place a lot when I was on Solo.
05:13Three days on a mountain.
05:14It'll change it.
05:16The things we think we need.
05:18Clocks.
05:19Yeah, right.
05:20It sounds amazing.
05:22Tell us all about it.
05:23What are you still doing here?
05:25Wonderful, thanks.
05:27You know, I had this really funny dream during Outward Bound that you died.
05:33Brilliant.
05:35See me in my office later.
05:37The new guys.
05:39All right.
05:40It's Clark and, um...
05:42Pete.
05:43And Outward Bound, it was all about new.
05:45Nicknames.
05:46They called me Ice Man.
05:47You will be called Plop.
05:49What?
05:49Why?
05:50Because you're always taking dumps.
05:51No, I'm not.
05:52Come on.
05:53Everybody defecates.
05:54Relax, Plop.
05:55You will be called Fart because you fart all the time.
05:57I love it.
05:58Actually, Andy, we call this one Dwight Jr.
06:01No, I prefer Fart.
06:03No, Dwight Jr.
06:05Infinitely better.
06:05You guys look exactly like Dwight.
06:07Go stand next to him.
06:08No.
06:09This is insane.
06:10I don't see it.
06:11I don't either.
06:12I don't either.
06:13Whoa.
06:15Mind blown.
06:16It's like father and son.
06:23Dwight, you cool if we call him Dwight Jr.?
06:26Yes.
06:28Yes, I am.
06:34Dwight Jr.
06:38In a way, it's like I have a son.
06:40And who knows?
06:41Maybe someday they'll hire someone who looks like a younger version of him.
06:45And then I'll have a grandson.
06:47Well, I need to give my cat up for adoption.
06:50The one who uses the doorbell?
06:52Or the one with the Mexican hat?
06:53Or the one with the rain galoshes?
06:55Or the one that you let go around naked?
06:57Angela's cats are cute.
06:59So cute that you just want to eat them.
07:02But you can't eat cats.
07:06You can't eat cats, Kevin.
07:09No.
07:10The one with the long hair and the denim pants.
07:12Comstock!
07:14Okay, look.
07:15He's such a special kitty.
07:17You just want to find him a good home.
07:19Give me your hand.
07:23Give me your hand.
07:24Give me your hand.
07:24Give me your hand.
07:25Give me your hand beating.
07:27I'll take him.
07:29Please, after the turtle?
07:31I am enormously proud of what I did for that turtle.
07:34Oscar.
07:35Oscar.
07:36Will you take him?
07:37No, I'm a dog person.
07:39If you pray enough, you can change yourself into a cat person.
07:43Those guys always turn back, Angela.
07:46Okay, give me something to talk about with young people.
07:48I read an article in Time Magazine about dubstep.
07:52Yo, man, what's up?
07:54Hey, you catch that dubstep article in Time last week?
07:57Off the charts.
07:58Time Magazine?
08:00Did you, uh, pick that up at the newsstand on your Ford Taurus?
08:05Yeah, I'll read that.
08:06Soon as I finish the Farmer's Almanac.
08:08You read the Almanac?
08:10Crazy gibbous moon next month, yo.
08:12Right?
08:13Right, yo.
08:15Okay, see you later.
08:20I have no idea what just happened there.
08:24David, Outward Bound was incredible.
08:26I was the best at slacklining.
08:28I ate a worm.
08:29Glad to hear it.
08:30Went to the bathroom anywhere I wanted.
08:32Literally anywhere.
08:33Blew a rabbit right out of his hole.
08:34You sound really confident and decisive.
08:37He is never going back in that hole.
08:39Uh...
08:40I'm sorry, at Outward Bound you get used to talking openly about body functions because
08:43everyone, literally every single person, has diarrhea.
08:49Hey, you wanted to see me?
08:50Yeah, I gotta go, David.
08:53Why is Nellie still here?
08:54Didn't you get my postcard?
08:55Oh, uh, on the front is a pretty waterfall, and on the back it says, Fire Nellie.
09:06I don't think that's buried, Jace.
09:09I did get your postcard.
09:10Um, didn't you get my care package?
09:13They wouldn't let me have it because there were cookies in it.
09:15Oh.
09:17Well, in addition to the cookies, I sent an explanation of our labor laws here, and you
09:24can only fire Nellie for cause.
09:25Hmm.
09:26Then I will make up a cause.
09:28Except you just told me you were going to make it up.
09:30Now, if she sues, I'd have to testify against you.
09:33Then forget I just told you that.
09:35Can't.
09:35I took a course at the Weintraub Memory Academy.
09:38I sat next to this woman named Beverly Brooke.
09:40She had a Greek salad for lunch.
09:43You see what I mean?
09:43Now I know why Michael hated you so much.
09:47I am.
09:54Good boy.
09:55Getting big and strong.
09:57Snack foods.
09:59Yep.
10:01Body by Cheez-It.
10:03Ah, humor.
10:04I have it, too.
10:06Oh, boy.
10:07I got a couple of tickets to the Slayer concert ten months from now.
10:11You interested?
10:13I think I'm busy that night.
10:15Or I would.
10:17Hmm.
10:17Okay, well, we're both just kind of learning as we go, aren't we?
10:21Learning what?
10:22Just how this is going to be, you know?
10:28You have a beautiful round head.
10:31Okay.
10:32So what kind of farming you into, huh?
10:34More of a fruit man or a root man?
10:38Hey, is this code for, like, gay stuff?
10:43Because if so, that's totally fine.
10:44Like, I'm fine with it.
10:45But, you know, you should know that I'm into the ladies.
10:49Spoken like a true root man.
10:51Hey, you know, if you're ever swamped, I could make some sales calls for you.
10:56My calls?
10:56So could you give me a list of all your clients or just the leads that you haven't had time
11:01to pursue yet?
11:01You want a list of my clients?
11:03You want my leads?
11:04Yeah, I'll just give it my clients.
11:05I'll give it a read.
11:06Yeah, with my leads and stuff like that.
11:09Because you're interested in going into sales.
11:11I am.
11:11Wow, that's great.
11:12Yeah.
11:13That's great.
11:14Okay, good.
11:14Let's talk about that, okay?
11:16Okay.
11:18You're not getting my clients.
11:19Nice try.
11:22Paranoid?
11:23I'm not familiar with the word.
11:25And I really don't have time to learn new words right now, okay?
11:27A pudgy 22-year-old is trying to take my job.
11:33Oh, a ladle.
11:34Roy loves ladles.
11:36I think we owe him more than that.
11:38Okay.
11:39Throw in a slotted spoon.
11:42Roy Anderson, my former fiancé, is getting married.
11:47Unless his bride pulls what I'm sure they call a Pam.
11:50Or a...
11:52That bitch Pam.
11:55Jim, get ready for the battle in your life.
11:58Done.
11:58Explain.
11:59The new guys.
12:00Dwight Jr. is after my job.
12:02Yeah, there is a shark hiding inside that adorable little cherub.
12:06Oh, now I get what Pete was talking about at the sales meeting yesterday.
12:09Wait.
12:10Sales...
12:11What sales meeting?
12:12The new guys called one.
12:13The new guys called a sales meeting?
12:14Clark ended the whole thing with a karate demonstration.
12:17Did you know there was a belt above black?
12:19There's no belt above black.
12:20Oh.
12:21Is there a belt above black?
12:22You should ask it.
12:23It's a color you would never expect.
12:28Too easy.
12:31Attention everyone.
12:32Comstock is still available.
12:34Oscar has been flirting with adopting him, but still hasn't given me a definite yes or no.
12:39Definitely no.
12:40Fine.
12:40For any interested candidates, I will be conducting 20-minute interviews.
12:45My ideal situation would be an independently wealthy, cute couple with a strong commitment
12:51to education.
12:52Black or white, I'm fine with either.
12:54But not both.
12:55Listen, you're in this, but you need to wow me, okay?
13:00Psst.
13:02Clark just told me that he never studied karate.
13:05Why would he lie to me?
13:06I don't know.
13:06I thought you guys really had a good father-son thing going.
13:09Kind of like Luke and Darth Vader.
13:10No.
13:11Idiot.
13:12Luke and Darth Vader are enemies.
13:14What?
13:15Yeah.
13:15Darth Vader tried to attach a hand on Luke's arm.
13:17No, he cut it off.
13:19What Star Wars are you watching?
13:20Luke is trying to destroy Darth Vader.
13:26Oh, my God.
13:30Yo, Muppet Baby.
13:32Got an urgent text from your social network?
13:35My brother Mike said...
13:36I'll bet you majored in self-esteem, huh?
13:39Newsflash, you are not special.
13:42My generation was taught self-esteem for like five minutes in kindergarten, and we're still
13:47paying for it.
13:49When I was on my solo up above the tree line, I had this moment of clarity, you know?
13:55Yes, yes, yes.
13:56Those can be wonderful.
13:57And I was thinking about last spring and what you did to me.
14:01Mm.
14:02Mm.
14:03Mm.
14:04Mm-hmm.
14:05And the nickname I came up with for you is The Great Emasculator.
14:12Or better yet, Lady Second Chance.
14:16I wanted to talk to you about our working relationship this year.
14:20It's going to be terrible.
14:22Not necessarily.
14:24No, I'm going to make sure that it is.
14:27And if it isn't, I will take immediate action to rectify that.
14:32Now, I don't like to throw around the B-word, but I'm going to be a huge bitch to you.
14:41All right, guys, time to conquer your fear of low heights.
14:44Now, this is called slacklining.
14:47I set up the old slackline to teach the office the skills of focus and discipline.
14:51Or in the case of certain individuals, the skills of humiliation and looking really dumb.
14:57If you make it all the way across, your confidence will soar.
15:00But if you Toby out, then you'll feel like a real Nelly.
15:06How about a hand?
15:07Screw those guys.
15:08Now, these are my actual Outward Bound counselors, Rafe and Feather.
15:12Ice Man.
15:13That's me.
15:14We called him Ice Man because he always complained about his canteen water being warm.
15:18The powder is for your protection.
15:21Feather has permanent athlete's foot.
15:23Feather, show them how you dance upon the line of slack.
15:30You, uh, you're a sports guy?
15:32Sure.
15:33Uh, boxing.
15:34Tennis.
15:35Oh.
15:36Any team sports?
15:37NASCAR.
15:38The Amazing Race.
15:41Philly's fan, though, right?
15:43You mean horses?
15:44No.
15:45Like baseball.
15:46A baseball team.
15:47I like the Red Sox.
15:48I'm from Vermont.
15:50Okay.
15:51Good talk.
15:53I have nothing in common with Plop.
15:56All right.
15:57Who's next?
15:57Nelly.
15:58Oh, I would rather watch you and your talented friends.
16:02Nonsense.
16:03Get up here.
16:04Go ahead.
16:05Come on.
16:09Uh, you gonna wear your heels?
16:12I'm very self-conscious about my feet.
16:14Okay.
16:15Sure.
16:16There you go.
16:17That a girl.
16:18Hey!
16:19All right!
16:20Whoa!
16:21You suck.
16:23I, that was not a, she, I was trying to support her.
16:27Yes, it may have looked harsh, but in the wild, you see that kind of thing all the time.
16:32Moms pushing their baby birds out the nests.
16:34I mean, come on.
16:35That was a dick move.
16:37I just couldn't help it.
16:40All right, who's next?
16:41Daryl.
16:42Seems like the kind of thing white people with dreadlocks do.
16:45Dwight Jr., this looks like your speed.
16:47Or Plop.
16:48Huh?
16:48You want to squeeze one in before you run off to the bathroom?
16:51That's a good one, sir.
16:51Uh, I guess I can give it a shot.
16:54Yeah, come on.
16:55Get up here.
16:56Just hop on up.
16:57Okay.
16:58Focus on the horizon.
17:03Whoa!
17:04Look at this guy!
17:08I've always been good at anything that required balance.
17:11My doctor says I have gigantic inner ears.
17:15Go Dwight Jr.!
17:17Yes!
17:19Unimpressed.
17:19It's a tightrope for babies, boo.
17:22All right, let's see you do it.
17:23All right.
17:23Let me show you how a real man walks across a flaccid cord.
17:39Who ordered the hot apple fail?
17:41Okay, I am just getting started, okay?
17:45You got this.
17:46This is all you.
17:47All right, let's see you do it.
17:48Thank you.
17:49Oh!
17:51Oh!
17:52Got ourselves a yard sale.
17:56Oh!
17:59Ball's in face.
18:01It's not a race, Dwight.
18:02Oh!
18:04Oh!
18:06Oh!
18:07Well, it's official.
18:09Old Dwight is lame, and new Dwight is cool.
18:11That's not true.
18:14Holy!
18:15Give me another chance.
18:16But your mouth is...
18:17This is a bloodbath.
18:18All right, I'm calling this.
18:20What?
18:20It's enough of this.
18:21Everyone, let's go back to work.
18:23This is not okay.
18:24This is a stupid activity.
18:24I would be embarrassed to be good at it.
18:33Idiots.
18:35You know, that was not appropriate behavior, anybody.
18:39Conference room meeting now.
18:40Let's talk about this.
18:47All right, who has felt bullied by Andy today?
18:52I'll start us off.
18:54I felt a little bullied today when Andy said he knew why Michael hated me.
19:00Okay, and I'm feeling a little bullied right now by this Snickers.
19:04Snickers?
19:05Who has Snickers?
19:06The secret to a Snickers?
19:09You eat around the peanuts.
19:12Then it's not so bad.
19:15Sorry, could I just say, if this is about me, this is really not necessary because I am fine.
19:20So, great meeting everybody, back to work, not that I am the manager anymore.
19:26That is your job, and you are very good at it.
19:29So, over to you, Andy, if that's what you want.
19:35Okay, I think Nellie feels bullied by you, Andy.
19:38Uh, no, that's not, uh, not my words.
19:41Can I just say, I'm feeling a little bullied by oversensitive people who feel bullied by everything?
19:46Um, I am just asking you to check the transcript because I never said bullied.
19:51Am I supposed to keep transcripts?
19:53Mm-mm.
19:54Angela bullies me.
19:56Example, she won't give me her cat.
19:58Just because I killed my turtle a few times.
20:01What?
20:02People kill Angela.
20:03There's no reason to judge them.
20:04I feel bullied by Creed, always looking at my sweet rack.
20:07Please, I am not looking at your rack.
20:09You have some crumbs or some delicious carrot cake on your chest.
20:12My freckles?
20:13He looks at me like that, too.
20:14Okay, bully me all you like.
20:17I can handle it.
20:18I have very thick skin.
20:19Thick wrinkle skin.
20:21Sometimes I look at you and you're just doing this with your mouth.
20:24I don't know what that is.
20:25Your cheeks look like an old western saddle.
20:28No problem.
20:29I can handle it.
20:31You can all pile on after my smoke break.
20:34You know, when I was on Outer Bound, I was bullied by self-doubt.
20:40Nobody cares about your dumb wilderness stories.
20:43Oh, oh.
20:49And how can I be a bully?
20:50I'm a sweetie pie.
20:51You're a bitch.
20:54Oh, God.
21:01I'm not even the old Jim anymore.
21:02I'm the new Stanley.
21:04Well, if you become the new Creed, I'll divorce you.
21:18Slack lining.
21:19Big deal.
21:20Untie that rope.
21:22Give it to a couple of pigtailed schoolgirls.
21:24Let them start jumping with it while chanting a rhyme and giggling about boys.
21:27Doesn't seem so macho now, does it?
21:30It's a jump rope.
21:44Dwight!
21:47Dwight!
21:48Pam?
21:48Hey, I'm up here.
21:49Up the ladder.
21:50Come on.
22:02What are you doing?
22:04Come here.
22:05I'll show you.
22:09Why do you want this cat?
22:11Um, I don't want it, really.
22:13How would you support the cat?
22:14What are your ambitions?
22:16I want to start my own business.
22:18I want to be a millionaire.
22:19Lots of things.
22:20Travel.
22:21Make the world a better place.
22:22Earn an MBA at night.
22:24Have you taken any concrete steps?
22:27Well, I'm still just fitting in here, you know, getting used to the new job.
22:32Mm-hmm.
22:32But definitely on the agenda.
22:35But that is a good idea, Angela.
22:37I should make a list.
22:39Oh, come on, Pete.
22:42God, that's just sad.
22:44If he doesn't watch himself, he's going to be here for years doing nothing.
22:54Wow, maybe Pete is the new gym.
23:01Do you see how the trapeze completely surrounds the wire?
23:04That means it is literally impossible for anyone to fall off.
23:08So you will merely sit below and be my counterweight as I pedal across the parking lot to that telephone
23:14pole.
23:14I will.
23:15You will.
23:15Yeah, we weigh about the same.
23:17Wouldn't you say?
23:17Sure.
23:18If you weigh 105 pounds.
23:20So you'll do it?
23:21No.
23:22Come on.
23:23This won't be the only thrill of your boring life.
23:26Dwight, you may find this hard to believe, but I love my boring life.
23:29Come on.
23:30Exactly the way it is.
23:31No, Pam.
23:32Yes, and there's nothing you can say that would get me to run the slightest risk of losing it.
23:36Please, please, Pam.
23:38Find someone else.
23:39I don't know.
23:39Ask Phyllis.
23:40I can't use Phyllis.
23:41Are you kidding me?
23:42The moment she steps off this bar, I'll be launched into space.
23:45God, you're so insensitive.
23:52Why are you getting rid of it?
23:54Allergies.
23:55Your husband?
23:56No, the baby.
23:57Please.
23:58It's my husband's favorite cat.
23:59He's broken up about it.
24:01It's the only time I've seen him cry other than our wedding night.
24:04You know what?
24:05I will take Comstock.
24:07Really?
24:08Oh, Oscar, thank you.
24:11I'll come by after work and pick him up.
24:13Yay!
24:14Oh, poor Robert.
24:16He won't get to say goodbye.
24:17He has this business dinner tonight.
24:20C'est la vie.
24:22Please don't teach the cat French.
24:26Yeah.
24:27Hey, good news.
24:28Tonight when you come over for dinner, you can play with your old buddy Comstock.
24:41You ready?
24:43Yeah.
24:45You know what?
24:45I'll meet you down there.
24:46Just got to make a quick call.
24:47Okay.
24:52Good night, Clark.
24:53Good night, Pete.
24:54Good night.
24:55Good night, Aaron.
24:57We thought Clark and Pete were the new Dwight and Jim, but it isn't true.
25:01They actually like each other.
25:02That redhead is choice.
25:05He thinks me needs a little ginger in my diet.
25:08Clark's not my friend.
25:09He's the douche I sit next to in the office.
25:12You're going after the boss's girlfriend?
25:15Yeah, you're crazy, man.
25:17Crazy about banging.
25:18Because I bang like crazy.
25:20Am I the Tasmanian bang devil?
25:22It's been sad.
25:23Not a big fan of Clark.
25:31Okay.
25:33All right.
25:37Oh, God.
25:39Okay.
25:42All right.
25:50All right.
26:14Attention employees of Dunder Mifflin.
26:17Everyone thinks the new guys are so cool because they can slackline.
26:23Ooh.
26:24Hey, Clark.
26:25This is what a real salesman looks like.
26:29They say that you only live once and I'm about to prove it.
26:33Dwight Schrute.
26:34Dwight.
26:36Hey, man.
26:37It's Halpert.
26:38Did you go to the other guy yet?
26:39Great.
26:40Don't.
26:41I'm in.
26:45Yeah.
26:45Yep.
26:46I'm all in.
26:48Okay.
26:48Talk to you soon.
26:49Bye.
26:56Yeah!
27:01Woo-hoo!
27:05Woo-hoo!
27:10Watch the button.
27:15Hold on, Dwight.
27:17Hold on.
27:17Hold on, Dwight.
27:18Hold on.
27:18All right.
27:19Oh!
27:20Oh!
27:20Oh!
27:21Oh!
27:21En el parking lot de hoy, había un circo.
27:23La copiería de truques en la higüe.
27:25La señora trató de dar a un bebé que se veía como un cat.
27:28Hay un impersonador de Dwight y un impersonador de Jim.
27:32Un hombre rompió una ternura.
27:34Yo lloré y lloré.
27:37No es malo para el día de la vida de una compañía de la comida.
27:46Crap.
27:47Sorry, Nelly.
27:47Once again, I understand that old habits die hard,
27:51but if everyone would kindly walk their refuse to the trash bins
27:56instead of tossing them, then we would...
27:59Oh. Swiss.
28:01It's nothing to do with me.
28:03I just happen to be sitting near to where the bins are.
28:07There are two things that I am passionate about.
28:11Recycling and revenge.
28:16Fluke.
28:17I know how evil it is.
28:55Gracias por ver el video.
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