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01:00Oh, Bobby, how did we miss that?
01:02Where did that happen?
01:03He's such a slight fellow, I thought there was no chance.
01:06And when I shot up into the air, I had to laugh.
01:10Bob, that's a yellow card.
01:11I'm a bit sad about it, but...
01:13Yeah.
01:14Did you ask for permission?
01:15Yeah.
01:15He got full consent.
01:16Campbell is coming out on the attack.
01:18He's a shark.
01:19OK.
01:20OK, I'm restarting the game.
01:22Oh, God.
01:24Doors.
01:26So we're underway.
01:27Sam picks up Bob, and Bob picks up the first yellow card.
01:32Now we've got a game.
01:34That's some gameplay.
01:35I think Sam Campbell is the man to beat.
01:37Let's restart the game.
01:44Can I lift you up, Sam?
01:46No.
01:47I'm all good.
01:48Thanks, man.
01:54Get involved, everyone.
01:55That was a bit of Nick.
01:57What's your favourite food?
01:59Of all time?
02:00Ever.
02:00Yeah.
02:01Can I be honest?
02:02Yeah.
02:02Easter egg.
02:04Do you think the chocolate's got worse?
02:06It's not as nice as it was.
02:07Definitely worse.
02:08I think it's better than ever.
02:09Amy, you're telling me, you're on death row.
02:11Yeah.
02:11They go, you've got one meal.
02:12Yeah.
02:12You go, can I get an Easter egg?
02:15Yeah, big as you can.
02:17I love scallops.
02:19Scallops?
02:20Yeah, and then someone told me they were mermaid's clit.
02:25What's clitty about them?
02:26It's the texture.
02:27There's a flap on each side.
02:29Also very difficult to find.
02:30Thank God.
02:30I've never been so pleased for a phone to ring.
02:32I'm getting this.
02:33I'm getting this.
02:35Hello.
02:36Hi, could I speak to Bob Mortimer?
02:39Sure.
02:40Bob!
02:41Phone!
02:42Oh.
02:43Oh.
02:44Thanks.
02:46All right.
02:47Bob, could you get David Mitchell to arm wrestle with you?
02:52And if anyone asks why, I call.
02:54Just make up a reason.
02:55Okay.
02:56Thank you very much.
02:57Love you.
02:57Bye.
03:00See how he does it.
03:11How old are your children, David?
03:14One is 10 and one's 20 months.
03:16So you're doing lifting?
03:18Yeah, yeah.
03:19I remember being very strong because of holding children.
03:24Have you got...
03:25No.
03:26No, I'm far too old to have a small child, really.
03:30My body tells me that every day.
03:31I remember when Jim was a parent and we were at a hotel one night and Liam Gallagher was there.
03:40Jim, of course, he's referring to Vic Reeves.
03:43Yes.
03:43Jim Moyer.
03:44And Liam says, Jim, you're not working class.
03:48Jim's not particularly bothered either way, as it were.
03:52Liam said, I fucking arm wrestle you.
03:55Let's see who's most working class.
03:59I would question whether winning an arm wrestle would be complete proof of being working class anyway.
04:06Quite...
04:06It is that the absolute clincher, that basically the working class are the best at arm wrestles.
04:12Can I arm wrestle?
04:14Do you like an arm wrestle?
04:15You go to see which one of us is.
04:16Yes.
04:17Let's say that the victor is very working class.
04:21It's working class, okay.
04:22Don't mind it.
04:23No, I haven't had an arm wrestle for a long time.
04:25Has David Mitchell ever had any physical combatant other than throwing a chest piece?
04:30There's going to be an arm wrestle now.
04:32Oh, wow, arm wrestle.
04:34Arm wrestle.
04:35I knew at some point, David, you were going to start an arm wrestle.
04:38Let's find out if David Mitchell is working class.
04:42Have you always wanted to be working class?
04:44I hope.
04:45No, I'm quite content to be middle class, bourgeois.
04:49If you win, it's going to be a big change in your life.
04:51But it will be interesting.
04:52If this was a movie, this was crash cut to David Mitchell drinking in a Wetherspoon.
04:57Like that?
04:58Okay.
04:59Elbows mustn't lift off the table, boys.
05:02Ready?
05:03One, two, three.
05:05Go on.
05:06Come on.
05:06Come on.
05:07Get stuck in.
05:09Come on, posh boy.
05:10We've got movement.
05:11We've got movement.
05:15He's gone red.
05:16He's gone bright red.
05:17Yes!
05:19Officially.
05:21Working class.
05:22Working class.
05:23How many people are there that can say they've beaten David Mitchell in an arm wrestle?
05:27There's a very elite little group of us.
05:29Probably me and his wife.
05:32Maybe his children.
05:34Come on, then, ladies.
05:35Mud wrestles.
05:37Who knew?
05:39Oh, God.
05:40No way.
05:41Who?
05:41What?
05:44Doors.
05:45Gather round, please.
05:46Have you laughed now?
05:47Have you laughed?
05:48I don't know, Bob.
05:49I don't even know.
05:50It's like farting these days.
05:51I don't even know if I've done it.
05:53Is it a laugh?
05:54Did someone laugh?
05:55Yeah, someone laughed.
05:56Let's have a look.
05:57We've got movement.
05:58Oh!
05:59Yes!
06:01He's gone red.
06:02He's gone bright red.
06:05Die!
06:07Die.
06:08No way.
06:10I forgot.
06:10They don't miss anything.
06:12Completely forgot.
06:14Going to rights.
06:16I thought it might have been me, because this has been going up a little bit.
06:20But, yeah, when your face...
06:22And it was a big old...
06:23Yes.
06:23You're like...
06:24Yes.
06:25You didn't give a shit.
06:28It was really sweet.
06:30I was really enjoying myself.
06:32I was so disappointed at how easily I went...
06:36I just thought that this was, like, an everyday arm wrestle at home.
06:39Just like, oh, well done.
06:42Oh.
06:43I'm going to go back in there, restart the game.
06:45Thanks, Jimmy.
06:46Well done, Jim.
06:47It's anyone's game if these two can go down.
06:52So David's loud grunting was just too much for Diane.
06:55That's a yellow card.
06:58OK, let's restart the game.
07:01Oh, Christ.
07:01Here we go again.
07:02This is relentless.
07:06Is anyone feeling a bit cold?
07:07It feels cold in here, doesn't it?
07:09Do you think it's a bit cold?
07:10It just feels a bit chilly.
07:11Diane, did you have a proper job before you started doing this, like?
07:14I've had loads of jobs, yeah.
07:16I used to pack worming tablets.
07:20Conveyor belt sort of thing.
07:22The packets would give you paper cuts, and then the glue from the packets would seep into the cocks, and
07:29your hands would swell up.
07:31Right.
07:31And you could always tell people that worked at the factory, because they'd be stood at the bus stop with
07:34massive hands.
07:38Did you ever take any homes?
07:41Massive hands?
07:42No.
07:44The, um...
07:46Worming tablet.
07:47No.
07:48I didn't have a dog at the time.
07:51I got big hands once.
07:53Yeah?
07:53Because I'm allergic to penicillin.
07:55Oh, and they puffed up?
07:56Yeah, they went really big.
07:58What did you do when you had your big hands?
08:00Did you put them to any use?
08:01No, at a hospital.
08:03You worked at a hospital?
08:05Oh, you went to a hospital?
08:06I went to a hospital, yeah.
08:07Oh, right, yeah.
08:09If one part of you was going to swell, you know, like, for the fun of it, it's only 48
08:14hours.
08:16Nose.
08:16Lips.
08:18Oh, yeah.
08:18Pay a good money for that.
08:20What would you go for?
08:21What?
08:22What would you go for?
08:33Oh, here he comes.
08:35That's how much that artwork...
08:36Did I miss anything, guys?
08:38You're warmer.
08:39No, no, I went out and had a cigarette.
08:41What are you doing?
08:42No, just to have an inhaler, you see.
08:48It's the only thing that makes me feel better, you know?
08:53What's your quirky statement?
08:55Oh, you're doing Bob all right?
08:56I don't want you to deliver a quirk now.
08:58It's like pigeon scouring.
09:02How you doing, all right?
09:04When I had a cigarette, I just wish I could give it up.
09:07Actually, I sound butcher than my normal voice.
09:12Amy!
09:12Oh, Amy's in trouble, Bob's in trouble.
09:15Reminded me a bit of school, really, you know, me coming over to chat and then everyone just walking away.
09:20Why have you got a coat on?
09:22Because there is a massive bag of helium attached to my back.
09:25LAUGHTER
09:28Happy now?
09:29Is that why you're floating three inches above the ground?
09:32Have you run out of helium?
09:33I used all the helium trying to get a laugh and everyone walked off.
09:37Isn't it very dangerous to have helium?
09:39Yeah, I've had to sign something to say if I die, it's my fault.
09:42My voice didn't really change.
09:45That was the biggest joke.
09:49OK, I think it's time for a joker.
09:50Who do you want to see?
09:52Diane Morgan.
09:53OK.
09:55Shall I get that?
09:56I'll get that.
09:57You'll get that.
10:00Good day.
10:01The penthouse suite of the Laughing Out Loud.
10:04No, it's not called Laughing Out Loud.
10:06What's this show called?
10:07Laugh Out Loud.
10:07Laughing Out Loud.
10:08Last one laughing.
10:09Last one in the laughing area.
10:12Is that...
10:12Sorry, sorry, I've got the wrong number.
10:17Crank caller.
10:18She doesn't know the name of the show she's on.
10:22I mean...
10:24I'll have another go.
10:26Who's phoning?
10:27What's happening?
10:28I don't know.
10:29Some weirdo phoning us up.
10:31It's just outrageous.
10:33Must remind you of your youth, your dating days.
10:36Last one laughing.
10:37Oh, hi.
10:38Can I get Diane Morgan, please?
10:40One second.
10:42Diane, there's a phone call for you.
10:44Good luck.
10:46Hello.
10:47Oh, hi, Diane.
10:48Could you go and prepare your joker, please?
10:50Yes, of course.
10:52Are they complaining about how miserable you are?
10:56Oh, that's...
10:57That's cruel, that.
10:58You're starting to get a bit confident, aren't you?
11:01Cocky, I'd say.
11:02Yeah, because you started off and you were, like, absolutely shitting yourself.
11:08But now you're instigating stuff.
11:09You're even taking the piss.
11:10No.
11:11Yeah?
11:11I'm not.
11:12You're getting...
11:13No way.
11:13You're getting a bit...
11:14Do you know what I mean?
11:15Oh, it's getting fizzy.
11:17It's fizzing up in there now.
11:18Does that mean we have to sit at the sofa?
11:20On the sofa.
11:21Oh, hello.
11:23Oh, here we go.
11:24Guys, is this like the young'uns, Soph?
11:26No, Mel.
11:27Can I bring the average age up?
11:28You come over here and be trendy.
11:30I love you young'uns gang.
11:32Man, you're beautiful.
11:33Yeah.
11:44This is Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night, by Dylan Thomas.
11:50Do not go gentle into that good night.
11:54Old age should burn and rave at close of day.
11:59Rage, rage, rage against the dying of the light.
12:08Though wise men at their end, no dark is night.
12:12Because their words had forked no lightning, they do not go gentle into that good night.
12:21Good men the last wave by, crying how bright their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay.
12:28Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
12:37Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight.
12:40And learned too late they grieved it on its way.
12:47It's that one that's got to get them.
12:50Do not go gentle into that good night.
12:53Baby's eyes are watering.
12:54Grave men near death, who see with blinding sight, blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay.
13:10Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
13:17And you, my father, there on the sad height.
13:21Oh, I've gone.
13:23I've fully gone.
13:25Bless me now.
13:27With your fierce tears, I pray.
13:33Do not go gentle into that good light.
13:37Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
13:43Oh, God, I'm sorry.
14:09Not only was she far in, she was keeping really awkward eye contact with everyone,
14:16which is a skill in itself that was such a great laugh and she survived right to the end of
14:22the
14:22poem I mean that was frightening you know when you laugh so like your body thinks you're sad
14:30it started to feel painful to not be able to laugh and then the sound came out of me that
14:36was a bit demonic that was terrific that means a lot coming from you the nature the choice of
14:44farts and fart timing immaculate that's it that's my favorite simple doors oh here we go I don't want
14:58anyone to think I'm being overly harsh but if you watch very carefully I think you'll agree just
15:05just have a look rage against the dying of the night several seconds into it before it stops
15:23looking like grief it still feels a bit sad in my soul I brought in a yellow card we were
15:31gonna
15:31bring in an exorcist what was that noise I mean I don't want to be that guy but you've got
15:37a weird
15:37laugh I just I just was holding it in for so long and I didn't even know when it came
15:44out I've not
15:46put that yellow card away this one is a little bit more subtle although all other laughter is
15:55subtle compared to that oh my god let's have a look rage against the dying of the sorry and you
16:02my
16:02father there on the sad height so that's a yellow card I felt the laugh it was there I literally
16:14felt
16:14it just it was a great move from Morgan you've got a recognized game haven't yet so far on yellow
16:22cards Bemi Maisie Diane Bob I'm gonna go and restart the game Wow doors you you're going for me I
16:34know
16:34you are right back at you car right back at you so as Bemi and Maisie get their first yellow
16:42cards
16:42we're left wondering what did Diane Morgan have for lunch okay let's restart the game
16:52very brat isn't it it is very brat you across that Bob brat was that wasn't there a brat summer
17:00we had a
17:01brat summer I got us to say that for radio and I had no idea what do you want to
17:05say it now what am I
17:07saying what do you say I'm having a brat summer I'm having a brat summer that's good I wouldn't say
17:15I had a brat summer I had a more of like a sloppy lady hot in the heat I'm hot
17:20in the heat do you
17:21know what I mean yeah yeah I've always got wet cheeks yeah what I mean yeah no on the face
17:28on my face you nearly had him then you nearly had him I don't fancy a bit of yoga I
17:40see that's gone
17:40down well with the group I'm up for some yoga Mel you up I've got a yoga mat I can
17:45do some moves I'm
17:46very very low flexibility that's why you need it though you don't have to be flex gang I'll think
17:51about it I'm nervous I don't want to be unreasonable but I don't want to stick my neck out so
17:57Mel is on
17:58the front foot she's the aggressor no one saw this coming I don't trust I'm not doing no I just
18:04brought
18:04my yoga max I thought there would be times where we could I'm not being funny but it looks like
18:10you
18:10haven't unrolled that yoga mat in a long time should we do some guys let's all get up on our
18:15feet are you
18:16the only one that gets a mat this is just going to be there for just the look of the
18:21whole thing
18:22okay so that was all pointless what's the block for we'll put one of those down there let's um let's
18:28get loose and then tilt up tilt up are you a qualified instructor Mel not at all okay great it's
18:38a new
18:38tube work feel your central girdle central cradle down cradle is that where my testicles are how are
18:48your testicles hanging David lower but still it's like a race to the bottom and it's clear which one
18:53will win and by the bottom I mean the floor not my anus I can't do this do you not
19:02get peanuts for
19:03shopping out now you would get fired from David Lloyd let me tell you that should we still be
19:07thrusting our girdles it's a lot of pelvic stuff in this routine because it's it's all about feeling
19:13the center of your bodies I was enjoying doing the yoga but you can't watch David Mitchell doing
19:20pelvis yoga I defy anyone to watch that are you a royalist David I wouldn't say I don't mind the
19:32royal
19:32family no do you know what I do do you go like to em Sandringham on Christmas Day and give
19:36Princess
19:36Anna crunchy and all that no it's really nice she loves it she recognizes me every time have you met
19:43his Lordship the King of England no no have you yeah did you do the helium thing no I didn't
19:51I
19:51thought maybe not you know because he is the king I think he I think he'd find it funny yeah
19:57he laughs a
19:58lot I notice what's the laugh what does he do no it would count as a laugh even if it
20:03was yeah
20:04well he sounds actually like a leaf blower doesn't he oh the phone seven nine four three six eight
20:18could I get um Mel to do her Joker please yes yes thank you Mel can you do your Joker
20:28please go on
20:30Mel good luck Mel cheers gang you got this probably have you got a favorite king or queen I'd have
20:36to go
20:37go for Elizabeth the first because she was redhead yeah I'd have to that's why I go for Richard the
20:43third because I've got a hump were you keen on Margaret Thatcher for that reason was she a redhead
20:48well it was always weird with her hair wasn't it because the more she attacked the miners the more
20:54her hair looked like a miners helmet it looks solid she was implying that she could have done the job
21:00her
21:01own hair was stick a light there and she could have gone down a mine with a canary yeah it's
21:06one
21:06of those she wouldn't have got vibration white finger no you going you going Alan boy guy but he
21:21these your cheeses you've brought from home Bob no they're in the fridge how much cheese are you
21:26allowed a day I'm officially allowed a matchbox a week like wartime rations when you've had more
21:34than a matchbox should I back your hand away you should do yeah slap me how often do you do
21:41a big
21:41shop Bob a big shoe a big shop who's cut that up who do you think what did you use
21:50your tongue what one
21:54of my tactics was that I could get Alan out by staring at him and I asked Romesh if he'd
22:03help me
22:06don't stare at me this is bullying now this is bullying oh here we go do you mind if I
22:21sit on this
22:21one oh yes please oh oh no shut up some of you may know this already but I started out
22:32as a
22:33street performer so I'm going to dip into my back catalogue she's a street performer
22:59you can keep that
23:07ignore the guys in green you won't see them against the green screen we forgot the green screen
23:22what are we watching I don't know wind effect wow now take it off oh my gosh seamless
23:40oh it's red riding us she's really eating those croissants mate
23:51oh did she just spit that out she just regurgitated the croissant
23:55oh baby's gonna go where's Mel
24:05where's Mel
24:06who's this son
24:09uh Mary Anning
24:14Nish
24:17Hammertime
24:38that's a modern dance there
24:40come on
24:46well Mel that was so cool that was deadly great eye contact that was amazing have you forgotten
24:57what to do next I love it I loved her that was amazing she's done that spin before haven't she
25:07that was yeah I think if it was last one gasping
25:11then she would have won yeah yeah how'd you man took my breath away oh I see that bit at
25:16the end where she did a spin
25:18I thought I was watching Cirque du Soleil
25:22honestly honestly she was like a rotisserie chicken I think it was very good it was slick wasn't it it
25:27was good and it was funny and I feel guilty for not laughing yeah I would have so enjoyed laughing
25:34at that it deserved a big old laugh it's like lots of delicious food that we just look at and
25:40throw away that spin
25:43she could have cracked her head open yeah it was quite dangerous that bit just think of the paperwork they
25:49had to go through for that to be allowed to do it's inspiring really
25:52I can't believe we did that 360 degree flip for a menopausal lady that will bring on certain chemical reactions
25:59and I can safely say that yes it did
26:03did you know I was outed by a Ouija board we are that's how I came out you're so gay
26:10that the spirits know I was doing a Ouija board with my mum and it spelt out homo oh no
26:15and then it called my mum a slut
26:19my mum said you're pushing this I said no I'm not I said I don't need the dark arts to
26:24call you a slut
26:28you sure it wasn't all just one word and you were being called a homo slut no because it stopped
26:33and
26:33then went slut okay nice name for a pub if ever you and your mum open a pub no that's
26:38too much for a pub
26:39do you fancy a quick half down the homo and slut I look like a retired Bollywood director and then
26:47you
26:47put the cap on do you ever watch coach coach hot that hair not yet good check out your hot
26:52hair
26:53hmm it's so good man well I watch that uh my mum's house okay great he's got it on DVD
27:00I'm there she
27:01loves it have you seen the guy yeah I've seen the guy I can't be doing with both of you
27:05good huh
27:06poor Alan's getting it from all angles you should put good control down there stop saying the name of that
27:11program so I'm just warning you now it's a movie film whatever movie no movie bastard no no no stop
27:19it
27:20now enough oh look at him it's an absolute buffet for bullies they're just trying to break me watch
27:26ganging up get it watched well done now great stuff what's that true yeah genuinely true did you
27:40realize you were gay before that or did that give you the idea I was straight I was married with
27:44three
27:44kids right and I wish I'd never done the winter fair enough this is what the spirits yeah yeah give
27:49it
27:49a go I'm sure I can get into it the fruit machine is now available for inspiration just pull the
27:57lever and follow the prompts he said lever lever all right somebody's trying to break America what's
28:02going on if I agree with that at all oh best life advice oh well I think it would be
28:15borrow your
28:16next-door neighbor's Ouija board and take the sexual journey it suggests yep that's good it's
28:22not who you know it's who you blow strong I've lived by that for a long but presumably the person
28:27you blow
28:27you will know at least a bit or not who told me that your mom no Martin Lewis the money
28:34money
28:35saving person you know it's who you blow a hell of a money saving tip isn't it and he popped
28:40in for a
28:40mortgage yeah money saving tip right on the lips what I do and I actually follow this myself whenever
28:46I leave my house I shout goodbye granddad before I shut the door and then people won't burgle it
28:53because they'll think that somebody is inside looking downwards like he's on the floor in trouble
28:57there's an old man which burgers gonna be scared of your granddad you haven't seen him well neither
29:02have they Mel Gedgeworth says goodbye granddad no burgers going Jesus Christ you've seen her he is
29:09long dead but is hard as nails but from your eye line it would appear to be about 10 inches
29:15tall
29:15yeah because you've gone like that goodbye granddad is he buried under the floorboards why don't you
29:21shout all right killer I'm getting you some more meat I was by my my grandmother's bedside when she
29:30passed away and just as she sort of was going she looked at me she said I'm still disappointed
29:45do you know what I was I was once in a taxi cab and I told what was your kovid
29:49like spent most of it
29:51in a kale is that the cab driver he's having to have a think about that isn't he was it
29:59him or was it the
30:00cab driver that was in it was the cab in the k-hole is it you or the cab driver
30:05it was the cab driver
30:06ah gather on the sofas please I've got a treat for you a treat oh no take the scenic route
30:21I was
30:30overrated what's this about they can't look away oh my god ah no way you're fucking kidding me
30:4650 ducks bam oh it's like a robot that can shit I'm just trying to find out what you're into
30:53Alan I mean
30:54this is a very strong team one two three four nipple nipple oh oh he's got his laptop oh yes
31:05please
31:08I smell a rat bomb and his testicles are just dangling separately to the rest of his body and
31:14then he just dips it submerges and then lifts
31:43my friend's pack goes
31:44up
31:45up
31:45up
31:45up
31:46up
31:47up
31:47up
31:47up
32:15We'll see you next time.
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