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00:13This is my comeback.
00:15All right, I'm going to take that again.
00:19This is my comeback.
00:20Guys, I've got to have a camera on me, okay?
00:24No, not that one.
00:25No, got to have the one with the...
00:27Yeah, but, you know, why don't you two switch, okay?
00:30Tyler, you take the one with the switch.
00:32Yeah.
00:33Dude, just give it to me.
00:36Take the camera. Take the camera.
00:38Okay, because, you know,
00:41I can't make a pilot presentation
00:42if I'm not on camera presenting it, right?
00:45That's okay. It's the first day.
00:47You'll get it.
00:48I'm not worried about you.
00:50All right, see that, Mickey? See the difference?
00:52Feel that?
00:54Gorgeous red.
00:55Yeah, yeah. Okay, good.
00:57So, yeah, I can use that part.
01:00Um, this is my comeback, you know?
01:02But I don't want to use the part where
01:03I'm looking off camera, talking to someone.
01:06I don't know why I did that, you know?
01:08Lesson learned.
01:09And can you also lose that piercing sound?
01:13They don't even use that sound anymore.
01:14Okay.
01:15When is this from?
01:16Uh, about ten years ago.
01:18Jesus.
01:19Well, it's not that long.
01:20It's just technology moves so fast.
01:23That was nine.
01:25Okay, guys, no talking.
01:27That's the bummer.
01:30Okay, so let's pick us some clips.
01:32Show the people what I've been up to.
01:34Huh?
01:34Here's this.
01:38What is this, Reddihull movie?
01:49Oh, no, that's that, uh, independent film I did.
01:53Oh, right.
01:55With those cute college kids.
01:57Well, film school, you know, so it's an independent film.
02:02Film school, Mickey.
02:03You know, like our crew here, gotta start somewhere.
02:06Yeah, this is too long.
02:08Boy, you are so good, Redd.
02:10Scary.
02:12Well, half the blood was in my eye, so I was screaming in pain there.
02:17Here's this one.
02:18Oh, yeah.
02:20Oh, this is a good one.
02:22Yeah.
02:22Oh.
02:25What are you saying?
02:29I'm saying...
02:32It's not a suicide, Polly.
02:34Yeah.
02:35Yeah, that was fun.
02:36I like that.
02:37I like doing that show.
02:39Writers, let me play.
02:40I added Polly.
02:42What are we gonna do with you?
02:44Looks like you gotta cancel your plans for tonight, huh?
02:47Yeah.
02:48I'm surprised we didn't get a reoccur.
02:50Yeah, me too.
02:51Yeah.
02:51And she's here to talk to us about...
02:53Good craft service.
02:54Was it?
02:55Great chili.
02:56Mickey, we've moved on.
02:58Oh, yes, we have, and it's a goodie.
03:00Yeah.
03:00Our infomercial.
03:02That's right.
03:02I'm here with Valerie Cherish, who has developed a brand new hair care line just for redheads.
03:07So, Valerie, can you please tell us a little bit about that?
03:10Cherish Your Hair is a product I've wanted to make for a very, very long time.
03:15Well, as a television star and an actress, your hair goes through a lot.
03:19It sure does, and it needs a lot of protection.
03:21That's why we developed Cherish Your Hair, hair care for redheads.
03:25Because why should blondes and brunettes get all the attention?
03:29And red can be a very harsh color treatment for your hair.
03:31Am I right?
03:32You sure are.
03:33Yeah.
03:34I'm going to let my hairdresser, Mickey Dean, tell you a little more about that, can you?
03:38I certainly can.
03:40Redheads always need a little extra TLC.
03:43For me, that's tender, loving Cherish.
03:46And this product can actually improve the texture of your hair.
03:49That's right, Joan.
03:51And it's because of a special ingredient in Cherish Your Hair.
03:54Can you tell us about that?
03:55Yes, I can, Jean.
03:57It's all about a special cantaloupe in France that holds the moisture in due to something in the seed.
04:04Very nice.
04:05You know what?
04:05This is all good.
04:06It's all good.
04:07I like it because it shows me as an entrepreneur, you know?
04:10Like that Bethany Frankel, right?
04:13The Margarita Gal.
04:14Skinny Margarita Gal.
04:16That's what it's called.
04:18To join the Cherish Your Hair hair care family, call 1-800-CHERISH right now.
04:23If this goes, that product will move, you know?
04:26We still have more of the color, right?
04:28Oh, we've got a whole warehouse full.
04:30Can't give it away.
04:33We're ready to fill orders.
04:35What else have we got?
04:37Here's another.
04:38Oh, this is the comeback.
04:40All right, all right, all right!
04:43That's my Matthew McConaughey.
04:45Right?
04:46He likes it.
04:48Just open my shirt.
04:54Note to self.
04:55I don't need to see that!
05:00The room and board is still funny, even in that tracksuit.
05:04Yeah, well, you know what?
05:05That's the work, okay?
05:06It doesn't always go your way, but you have to make the best of it.
05:10Right?
05:10You guys are so cute, but I'm going to have to hide you.
05:14Oh, you know what?
05:15You should back it up.
05:16Because the front of the scene, we have Juna and Chris, and Andy should see that.
05:20Yeah, because they're such big stars now.
05:22That'll be good.
05:23Oh, there he is.
05:24Stop.
05:25Yeah.
05:25Who would have imagined it?
05:28What?
05:28Well, if I did.
05:30I always saw Juna had something really special.
05:33So, you know, and Chris, he had that.
05:35What?
05:36Steroids?
05:38Well, might not want to accuse people of illegal drugs on tape, Mickey.
05:42You know what?
05:42That's all right.
05:43My show.
05:44I can cut it.
05:45Val!
05:46Yeah?
05:47My flight got in early.
05:48Okay.
05:49I'm in here.
05:51Oh.
05:52Hello.
05:53Hey, Nick.
05:54What's all this?
05:55You doing another student film?
05:56Oh, no, Mark, I told you, never again after the last seven.
05:59Right?
06:00You didn't get him when he came in.
06:02You know?
06:03That's important.
06:04Missed an opportunity.
06:05That's all.
06:05I'll do it, dude.
06:06I don't know.
06:06Tyler, no, you stay on me.
06:08Yeah.
06:09Oh, is that Tyler over there?
06:10Yeah.
06:10God, I can't see anything with that bright light.
06:13Yeah.
06:13I don't know how you do it, Val.
06:14Hey, Uncle Mark.
06:15Hey.
06:16Hey, you know, call your mother.
06:18She hasn't heard from you in over a week.
06:19Okay.
06:20Mark.
06:21Well, she calls me.
06:22Don't do that.
06:22I'm crying.
06:23I know, but don't embarrass him in front of the rest of the crew, right?
06:27Because trying to be professional, he's in film school.
06:29I'm not in film school.
06:32No?
06:33I thought that you go to USC, right?
06:34You're a film major?
06:36No.
06:36Urban planning.
06:38Okay.
06:41Didn't Delia say...
06:42I thought your sister said that you wanted a career in show business, though.
06:45Yeah, well, okay.
06:48Okay?
06:51All right.
06:52Well, I'm going to go to the gym.
06:53Wish I could join you.
06:55Right.
06:58Oh, Mark?
06:59Marky?
07:00Yeah?
07:00What do you want for dinner?
07:01Oh!
07:02Are any of you in film school?
07:04Oh, come on, Val.
07:06What does it matter?
07:06Anybody can use a camera now.
07:08Well, can they?
07:09I just really want it to look professional, you know, because I'm going to give this to
07:14Andy Cohen.
07:15Oh, is that what this is for?
07:16Oh, yeah.
07:17Yeah, yeah, yeah, we've been communicating, you know?
07:19Wait, wait, who's Andy Cohen again?
07:23Okay.
07:24Who's Andy Cohen?
07:25He's the Bravo guy.
07:27You know, the one who...
07:28Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, the housewives guy.
07:30That's right.
07:31Yeah.
07:31Yeah, very good.
07:33Yeah, so we've been communicating, because I wrote, been communicating, because I wrote
07:39funny tweet, Andy, and he wrote back, thanks, Val.
07:43So, yeah, and then I wrote, let me see what I'm up to.
07:50So, this is what I'm up to, okay, except no one's going to see it if you don't get people
07:55when they're entering a room, you know?
07:57It's important, but that's, you know what, that's why we're practicing today.
08:01All right, well, have fun, all right?
08:04Okay.
08:04Oh, Tyler, call, um, you-know-who.
08:09Sorry.
08:11But you know what?
08:12Keeps me grounded, you know?
08:14Okay, what's next on the agenda?
08:17I'm going to go to the bathroom.
08:18Okay.
08:19So, well, really?
08:23Sorry, I'm late, darling.
08:24Oh, I can't show this.
08:26I'm not supposed to have this footage, so.
08:30Oh, well, I've already got you a glass of wine.
08:32Oh, well, I'm not going to drink.
08:34It's the middle of the day.
08:37Yeah, waiter.
08:39I should, I can't, I can't show this.
08:40I can't show it.
08:42Um, how do I turn it off?
08:43Hopefully we won't be here that long.
08:44Do you know what, I'm afraid to push a button.
08:46I don't want to delete anything.
08:47Do you guys know, do you know what to do?
08:50You don't, okay.
08:52Later.
08:54Can you take that?
08:55I don't want to.
08:56So, talk to me.
08:58Maybe we can wipe this whole tabloid thing.
08:59Just wait.
09:01Um, well, I don't know what there is to work out,
09:04because I don't put stories about you and your family
09:07and the tabloids, you know.
09:08You know I didn't, so.
09:11Well, mostly I was hurt.
09:13I mean, you really hurt me.
09:14I've always been very kind and supportive to you
09:16with all your marriage problems.
09:17Let's be honest.
09:18Okay, well, you know, I'm, let's not.
09:25You heard me say that I didn't do it, right?
09:27Okay, so it's got to be someone.
09:29It was either you or Kyle.
09:30Was it Kyle?
09:31Well, I don't, I don't, you know.
09:33Okay, you know, I see what's happening here, okay?
09:35You're trying to, you've got an agenda.
09:37I get it, you've got an agenda,
09:38and you're trying to make me the bad guy,
09:40but I'm just not going to let you do it, okay?
09:43Okay, so how are we going to do this
09:45if she keeps talking to you, huh?
09:46Valerie, again, please don't reference the camera or me.
09:50This is a waste of time.
09:51I'm going to see if, you know, maybe.
09:53Oh, for God's sake.
09:54Okay, now we can pull the wheel, brother.
09:56Oh, shoot.
09:57I don't know.
09:57What's his name?
09:58What's his name?
09:59Um, um, um, um, Ivan.
10:01Ivan.
10:02Ivan.
10:02Is it?
10:03I think, I think it's Ivan.
10:04I think it's Ivan.
10:05It's Russian.
10:06Um, Ivan.
10:10Yeah?
10:10Yeah, so how do I stop that?
10:13How do I stop it?
10:14What?
10:15The picture, I want to stop it.
10:18Okay, he's coming out.
10:19That's okay.
10:19So, you know what?
10:20Careful.
10:21He's coming out, so he'll stop it.
10:23You know what?
10:24I can't do it.
10:25Sorry, I don't know.
10:25We'll be done, right?
10:27Well.
10:27Because he'll come out.
10:29Oh, this was rough.
10:30This was so rough.
10:31Well, that's not if we don't make it more interesting.
10:34And you know what else?
10:35I don't talk about people.
10:36I'm going to cut.
10:37It's up to me.
10:38Okay, I'm a good person.
10:39I'm not going to show me that.
10:40Okay, I'll show it, but I can't.
10:41Nobody's trying to make you the villain here.
10:43Well, yes, trying to make me talk about people and I don't know things.
10:47I can't say things that I don't know.
10:49I can't do it.
10:50Oh, for God's sake.
10:51Well, I can't, okay?
10:52I've done this before.
10:53They are trying to make me the villain.
10:55All right?
10:56Well, they say they're not.
10:57They say they're not.
10:59And then, you know.
10:59You're not.
11:00Well, you don't know what's coming later, all right?
11:03Because I've done this before and this should be a warning to you, all right?
11:06I'm not putting myself through this again.
11:09Not for this show, anyway, okay?
11:11Because it's, to be frank, it's not Housewives of New York, all right?
11:14This isn't going to last.
11:15I'm sorry.
11:16All right.
11:16But it's not Housewives of Beverly Hills.
11:18Not one of us even lives in Beverly Hills.
11:20I do.
11:21I do.
11:22Okay.
11:22One person lives in Beverly Hills.
11:24Oh, you've got a show.
11:25Great.
11:26You know what?
11:27I can't.
11:27I, I, Andy, I'm sorry, but I quit.
11:29Oh.
11:30Yeah.
11:30Well, I did.
11:31Wait.
11:32Just for the record, though, Andy, for the record, I'm not storming off, all right?
11:36It's just that I've, you know, done a reality show before.
11:38So, I know how it goes.
11:40I know how it works.
11:42So, thought I was up for it, but I'm not.
11:44So, I'm sorry.
11:46But goodbye.
11:47Good luck.
11:48Okay?
11:48Good luck.
11:49If this is what you want to do, then I'm happy for you.
11:51I'm happy for all of you.
11:52Well.
11:53Good luck.
11:53Yeah.
11:55Okay.
11:55Cool, Camille.
11:58Yeah.
11:58Andy doesn't need to see that.
12:01No, he doesn't.
12:02No.
12:04Well, reality TV has had quite the evolution.
12:07It's a different reality.
12:10And I should know because I was there at the beginning with the comeback.
12:15Back then, it was just me and people eating bugs on Survivor.
12:18Uh, what's this?
12:20This is entertainment?
12:21Well, as it turns out, yes.
12:23Yes, it is.
12:24I was right.
12:26And now people can't get enough.
12:28You've got dancers and duck hunters and designers.
12:33Oh, just the other night, I saw a show where it was just real people sitting on a couch watching
12:38a show.
12:39And I thought, well, it's official.
12:41They've run out of ideas.
12:42So, looks like it's time for me to come back.
12:48I'm not just a real person, either.
12:51I'm an actress.
12:53And a wife.
12:55And a stepmom.
12:57Can you hear that?
12:58That's you.
12:58Oh, sorry, Red.
13:00I thought I had it on vibrate.
13:02May I cope?
13:03That's okay.
13:04Oh, I should take this.
13:06It's not too hard to get a hold of.
13:08Okay, yeah, you do that.
13:09We'll continue.
13:10Gave them four times the call.
13:12This afternoon wasn't one of the...
13:14Jesus criminy.
13:16You're going to miss your call.
13:17Mm-hmm.
13:18Okay.
13:19Hello?
13:22In five.
13:23I'm cueing you.
13:24Okay, in five, four, three...
13:27Yes, it is, but I can't talk now.
13:30Mickey, we can hear you.
13:32Okay, in five, four, three, two...
13:35I'm working, doctor.
13:38I gave your office four times to call me,
13:40and this wasn't one of them.
13:42Can you hear that?
13:43Because I can.
13:44Mickey, we can still hear you.
13:45Got it.
13:46Okay.
13:48Let me just stop.
13:49Okay.
13:50In five, four, three, two...
13:54Okay, phone's off, everybody.
13:55Okay?
13:56Because we can't...
13:58Oh, that's my phone.
13:59All right, we should stop.
14:01Oh, okay, that's Billy.
14:03Tyler, you go outside and shoot me.
14:06Don't get this camera, though.
14:07Okay, that's good.
14:08You got it?
14:08Okay.
14:09Hi, Billy, publicist.
14:11Oh, wait, that sounded like his last name.
14:13Let's do it again.
14:14Hi, Billy.
14:15Oh, is this the Andy Cohen pitch?
14:16Oh, yeah, yeah.
14:17We've been communicating.
14:19Yeah.
14:19Mickey, say hi to Billy.
14:21Hot enough for you?
14:22Yeah?
14:23Oh.
14:24Mm-hmm.
14:26You want to come inside, doll?
14:28I got a great lighting setup.
14:29I can't stay.
14:30Oh, say hi to Carla.
14:31Carla.
14:33Hi, doll.
14:34Hi, doll.
14:35Sounds familiar.
14:36Who is that?
14:37Carla from Top Chef.
14:38I represent her now.
14:39Oh, you do?
14:40She's in town for the Top Chef, Super Chef, All-Star reunion show.
14:43Wow.
14:43Oh, you know what?
14:44If this goes, she could cook you dinner.
14:47Bravo to Bravo, a little cross-promotion.
14:48Uh-huh.
14:49Yeah.
14:50Good night, Mr. Mickey.
14:51Good night, Miss Vala.
14:52Good night, dear.
14:53See you tomorrow.
14:54Bye-bye.
14:54Thank you for all you do.
14:56Um, is that why you came all the way out here, though?
14:59No.
14:59Just so I could say hi to the chef?
15:00No.
15:01Okay.
15:01Did you see this about Pauly G and you?
15:04What?
15:05Look, HBO is making a series with Pauly G about a self-destructive sitcom writer.
15:10Oh, sounds right so far.
15:11And his relationship with a neurotic older sitcom actress.
15:16Well, okay.
15:17Wish him, that's fine.
15:19You know, wish him well.
15:20She has red hair.
15:22Still, wish him well.
15:24The character's name is Mallory.
15:26Your name is Valerie.
15:27Uh-huh.
15:27Sounds the same.
15:28Might be me.
15:29What do you want me to do about it?
15:30I'm just trying to give you a heads up.
15:32Okay, my heads up.
15:35I gotta go.
15:36I gotta run.
15:36You know, call your agent.
15:38Try to get a copy of the script.
15:39We gotta see what this damage is.
15:41Okay, Billy, appreciate you coming all the way out here.
15:43I really do.
15:44But I've moved on.
15:46Pauly's in the past.
15:47He's free to write whatever he wants to write.
15:49And I'm free to not react.
15:52You know?
15:53Yeah.
15:54It's okay.
15:54All right.
15:56Nice to see you, Carla.
15:58Looking forward to...
16:01She's busy.
16:02Okay, come on in.
16:04Ethan Biggs, please.
16:07Well, you have to have an Ethan Biggs.
16:08That's my agent.
16:10Oh, no.
16:11My bad.
16:12You're right.
16:12He's not there anymore.
16:13Okay.
16:14What was his assistant's name?
16:16Because she'd be my agent now.
16:18Sasha.
16:18Do you have a Sasha, someone?
16:20You have three Sashas.
16:22Okay, let's try it this way.
16:23I'm Valerie Cherish.
16:24Who's my agent?
16:26Big agency.
16:27I can find it.
16:28My agent?
16:29The script.
16:30Oh, better.
16:31Okay.
16:32How are you going to do that?
16:33Everything's online.
16:34That's right.
16:36Privacy's gone.
16:37Yeah.
16:37Okay, you know what?
16:38I found what I need.
16:39So, can you just have my agent call me?
16:42Whatever his name is.
16:43You know what?
16:44Why don't we wait five minutes?
16:45Maybe you'll be my agent.
16:47Ah, you're welcome.
16:49Well, you look at this, Red.
16:51Polly G.
16:53Rehab.
16:53Click on that.
16:54Yeah.
16:55What's...
16:56Twice in rehab for heroin.
16:58Oh, my.
17:00The pod I knew.
17:01I had no idea about the horse.
17:04Guys.
17:05Guys.
17:06Addiction.
17:07It's not funny.
17:08Okay.
17:09So, is that the...
17:10Can you get the script then?
17:11Oh, is that it?
17:12Seeing red?
17:14How dare he?
17:16All right.
17:16Let's just print it out.
17:20It's me.
17:21This is me.
17:23Is this the apartment we decided on for Francesca?
17:28No?
17:29Huh?
17:29What?
17:30Um, what are the HOAs?
17:32No maintenance.
17:33Oh.
17:34Yeah, that's the...
17:35Yeah.
17:36She's 1.3?
17:38New York.
17:40Couldn't she study fast?
17:42That shit in California.
17:43Okay.
17:44This is me.
17:44Mark, it's me.
17:45It's a horrible version of me, but it's me.
17:48Well, you said you weren't going to let this bother you.
17:50Yeah, but now I'm reading it, and it's me.
17:52Okay?
17:53And he's written me as a monster.
17:54What'd you expect?
17:55He's a cocksucker.
17:56He is a cocksucker.
18:00Mark.
18:01I can't say cocksucker.
18:03Because I had Tyler put back the ceiling cam.
18:07Oh.
18:08Well, it's...
18:09You know what?
18:10Don't worry.
18:11My show.
18:12My decision.
18:13Okay.
18:14Don't use this.
18:19My God.
18:22Must have been on heroin the entire time we were shooting Room and Board.
18:26Well, no wonder it sucked.
18:27Yes, it sucked, and that's why it didn't get picked up.
18:29So then it doesn't get picked up, and the comeback doesn't get picked up.
18:32So thank you for that, Polly G.
18:35God.
18:36And now this?
18:37That's not...
18:38No.
18:38No.
18:39Not going to have it.
18:40I'm just not.
18:41What can we do?
18:42Well, how bad is it?
18:43Does he use your name?
18:44Well, okay.
18:45Her name's Mallory.
18:46Mallory Church.
18:47And my name's Valerie.
18:48Valerie Church.
18:51All right.
18:51Well, that is too close.
18:52You know what?
18:53I'm going to call the lawyers in the morning.
18:54Okay.
18:55Oh, good.
18:55Yeah.
18:56Call the lawyers.
18:56That's right.
18:57Let them handle it.
18:58I'm not going to lose sleep over this.
19:00Uh-uh.
19:01Because that's not me.
19:03You know?
19:05Not me.
19:10My hero.
19:12Marky Mark.
19:13That's fine.
19:18Marky.
19:18Here.
19:19Probably don't want to.
19:21Oh, all right.
19:22Take care of it.
19:23All right.
19:24No.
19:24No, not this.
19:26No.
19:28I like this place.
19:29Yeah, this place is awesome.
19:30This is all about room and board, but he's made you the bad guy.
19:34The aforementioned red he's talking about is you.
19:37You're the bad guy.
19:38Yeah, no, I know.
19:39Waiting for a call from the lawyers.
19:41Let them handle it.
19:42Yeah.
19:44Welcome to Sam's Burgers.
19:45Yeah.
19:45Okay, yeah.
19:46Tyler, what are you going to...
19:47I want the pork-colored curry.
19:49Curry.
19:50We're at a drive-thru burger place, right?
19:53One pork-cut-lit curry.
19:54Okay, so they do have that.
19:56I'll do bento box and fries.
19:59Really?
20:00Small world after all, huh?
20:02Oh, and a really cheesecake.
20:03You don't want any foie gras with that, or?
20:06So his character's writing a sitcom hooked on heroin.
20:09Yeah.
20:09But you're the problem with his career.
20:12Is this supposed to be funny?
20:14Well, it's a dramedy, you know, and that's a comedy without the laughs.
20:19Is the cheesesteak a combo?
20:21So, um, I guess.
20:23I don't know.
20:23I don't ask me.
20:24I get delivered meals.
20:26At least you have to pay me for the title.
20:29I call you Red.
20:30He stole that from me.
20:33Okay.
20:34Oh, look.
20:34Okay.
20:35Andy Cohen just tweeted, having lunch at the Chateau.
20:38Oh, okay.
20:39So, oh, you know, I bet he's here for that, um, top shelf super chef reunion chef thing.
20:47Oh.
20:4827-46.
20:49Okay.
20:50Yeah, thanks.
20:51I think, uh, I think we should maybe go to the Chateau for lunch, huh?
20:55Smart, smart.
20:56We're gonna...
20:57Sir?
20:58I can't find...
20:59Oh, there he is.
21:00Yes.
21:00Hi.
21:01Yeah, we can't stay.
21:02Gotta go.
21:03Sorry.
21:03I already put in the order.
21:05Well, tell him to cancel it, maybe.
21:07You know, or I don't know.
21:09Maybe the car behind us maybe wants a bento box and a Philly cheese curry.
21:14I don't know.
21:15But, you know, how about you figure it out, all right?
21:17Why am I running Sam's Burgers?
21:19It doesn't make sense.
21:21Harry, get in the car.
21:22Sorry.
21:23Gotta go.
21:24All right.
21:26Gotta wait.
21:27Be safe.
21:28Wait for Harry to get in.
21:31Why can't he get in?
21:32Because somebody locked the door.
21:34Oh, Ivan.
21:35That's not...
21:36Why are you smiling?
21:37Like, it's funny.
21:38This isn't fun time.
21:39This is work.
21:40You can't do this, you know, on a real show.
21:47Mickey, how do I look?
21:49Perfection.
21:49Okay.
21:52Oh, watch out.
21:54Hi.
21:55Table for three, please.
21:57Do you have a reservation?
21:58Just passing through, so...
22:00Uh-huh.
22:00We are all booked right now.
22:02Okay.
22:03Well, we'll wait.
22:03That's all right.
22:04And no cameras allowed.
22:06Um, okay.
22:07Oh, I see someone I know.
22:08Yeah, I can't have the cameras.
22:09Well, I know Andy Cohen, so I'm just gonna go say hi.
22:14I'm so sorry.
22:16I was just trying to stop you.
22:18With your fist?
22:20I'm so sorry.
22:23Call it even.
22:24It goes say hi to Andy.
22:25Sorry, we can't have the cameras.
22:27Unfal, look.
22:31Okay.
22:31Well, boys, you heard the man.
22:33Give the cameras to Mickey.
22:36Yeah, dude.
22:37Get your phone out.
22:38Forgot everything's a camera.
22:41Yeah.
22:42All right.
22:43Okay, go ahead.
22:45I'm gonna, um, take these boys with me.
22:48You owe me.
22:49I rescued him.
22:51He's so sweet.
22:52I mean, he's a good dog,
22:54and I love bringing him to my shop.
22:56Andy, hi.
22:57Hey.
22:58It's Val.
22:59Valerie chairs.
22:59Hey, of course.
23:00I know.
23:01Oh, good.
23:03The sun was in my eye.
23:04You look great.
23:05Oh, well, so do you, as always.
23:07Do you know RuPaul?
23:08Yes, I do.
23:09He's got that show.
23:10Yes.
23:11Hi.
23:11Valerie chairs.
23:12I heard.
23:13I loved Valerie's first sitcom, I'm It.
23:17We used to watch it in my dorm room and smoke dope.
23:20So fun.
23:21Val is legendary.
23:22Uh-uh.
23:23We tried to work together a few years ago.
23:25Yes, we did.
23:26We did.
23:26What are you up to now?
23:28Well, just working on a little something right now.
23:31Oh, wow.
23:32Yeah.
23:32Hey.
23:33I thought you were texting.
23:34Are you shooting, or?
23:35Well, it's not for broadcast.
23:36Don't worry.
23:37Yeah, just doing a little pilot presentation.
23:39A little something, but the host wouldn't let us bring in the actual cameras, you know.
23:43Actually punched me in the stomach.
23:45No way.
23:46Way.
23:47You're kidding.
23:47That's hilarious.
23:48I know.
23:49Did you make a scene, or?
23:51Right.
23:51Yeah, well, shut up.
23:53But cameras caught it, so, you know, you'll see.
23:56I think this might be right for you, you know.
23:58I want to show it to you.
23:59Great.
24:00Yeah.
24:00I'm looking forward to seeing it.
24:02Send it to me.
24:02Great.
24:03Okay, I'm going to let you get back to it, okay, before the host comes over and breaks
24:06a chair on my head, right?
24:08That's great.
24:09Great to see you, Val.
24:11Yeah, and, oh, um, I get it now.
24:14Okay, didn't get it before that, you know, I took myself too seriously, you know, didn't
24:19know I was playing a character, thought it was me.
24:21I get it now, okay?
24:23Okay.
24:24Good.
24:24Enjoy your lunch.
24:25So nice to meet you.
24:26Okay.
24:27Great.
24:27Bye-bye.
24:27Come on, boys.
24:31Uh-huh.
24:39Don't hit people.
24:45Okay.
24:48Well, I think that went well.
24:50Yeah.
24:50Well, should have made more of a scene with the host, though.
24:53You know, Andy asked me what I did, and I didn't.
24:55You know, I was too nice.
24:57That's not TV.
24:58I should have put the host stand.
25:00Very Teresa Grigie.
25:01Yeah, Judas.
25:02Got to find my own thing, though.
25:04I can't just do that.
25:05What's the matter?
25:06Look alive, Red.
25:07Yeah, I see him.
25:07Yeah, I'm off like a prom dress.
25:09Okay.
25:10Hello, hello, hello.
25:11Right this way.
25:12Right here.
25:13What's happening?
25:15Hey, Juna, Juna, Juna.
25:15Can you see who it is?
25:16Hey, Juna, Juna.
25:17Oh, Juna.
25:18Hey, hey.
25:19It's Juna.
25:19Hey, hey.
25:20Juna, Mickey, it's Juna.
25:22Juna.
25:23Hey, whoa, whoa.
25:23You're on my foot.
25:25Juna.
25:25Juna.
25:26Juna.
25:27Hey.
25:27Juna.
25:28Juna.
25:29Juna.
25:30Juna.
25:30Juna.
25:31Juna.
25:31Juna.
25:32Juna.
25:32Juna.
25:33Juna.
25:33Juna.
25:34Baby girl.
25:36Juna.
25:36Juna.
25:37Juna.
25:38Juna.
25:38Juna.
25:39Over here, Juna.
25:40No, she's gone.
25:43Okay.
25:45Missed her.
25:45Juna.
25:46Juna.
25:46Juna.
25:47Juna.
25:48Juna.
25:59Juna.
26:00Juna.
26:01Juna.
26:16Juna.
26:17I'm going to Madrid to shoot for Vogue.
26:20Okay.
26:20Four months.
26:21Okay, great.
26:22I can't wait.
26:23Where's Mickey?
26:24Oh, Mickey.
26:25There he is.
26:26Look at that.
26:27Yeah.
26:28Juna.
26:28Oh, my goodness.
26:30Oh, my goodness.
26:30Juna, look this way.
26:31Oh, you're better than ever.
26:33Oh, goodness.
26:34He looks great.
26:34All the jewels.
26:36All right.
26:37Well, listen.
26:37I really gotta go.
26:38Yeah.
26:39I'll see you soon.
26:39Okay.
26:40Bye.
26:40Juna, look this way.
26:42Juna.
26:43Still on my foot.
26:44You gotta get off my foot.
26:46Oh, okay.
26:47That's not nice.
26:48Look what you guys did.
26:50And you've gotta get off my foot.
26:52All right?
26:53My new best friend.
26:59Okay.
27:01Well, how about that, huh?
27:03Never know what filming opportunities life will present you with.
27:06Baby girl.
27:07One of the best.
27:08Yeah.
27:09Still smells like patchouli and peppermint.
27:11Help me with this.
27:14Okay.
27:15All right.
27:15From my lawyers.
27:17See that, Mickey?
27:18It's handled.
27:19Going to send HBO a cease and desist.
27:21Good.
27:21Yeah.
27:22They should cease and desist.
27:23And better you stay out of it, Red.
27:25That could get messy.
27:27Yeah.
27:31Mm-hmm.
27:32Could get messy.
27:39Well, I'm mad.
27:41And this is about to get messy.
27:46So was the timing with the doors opening better that time?
27:48Yeah.
27:49Yeah?
27:49Good.
27:49Okay.
27:50So let's go.
27:51And you just follow me.
27:52Okay?
27:53Whatever happens, just don't stop filming.
27:55I might flip a conference table or two.
28:02Hello.
28:03How can I help you?
28:03Uh, I'm Valerie Cherish.
28:05And I need to see someone in charge of seeing Red.
28:09The sign is she's here.
28:10Well, I'm not here for that.
28:15Um...
28:19They've already started auditioning.
28:20Mickey?
28:21Oh, dear.
28:22Yeah.
28:23Okay.
28:24You know what?
28:25This is perfect.
28:26This is perfect.
28:27This is my proof to HBO.
28:28I just need to point to them and say,
28:30you did not ask my permission.
28:32Okay?
28:32And you need to stop.
28:33Okay.
28:36Katherine Hahn?
28:37Is she here?
28:40Val?
28:42Oh.
28:43Sharon?
28:45Good to see you, darling.
28:47It's good to see you, too.
28:49Yeah.
28:49You can't do that.
28:51Do you have an appointment today?
28:53Uh, did I need one?
28:55That's me.
28:56They're all doing me.
28:58Okay?
28:58You call her Aunt Patsy, but it's Aunt Sassy,
29:00and you know it because you cast me in it.
29:03Okay.
29:04Um...
29:05Let me tell them you're here.
29:06Mm-hmm.
29:06And we'll see what they can...
29:09Yeah.
29:10I'll be right back.
29:10Okay, yeah.
29:11You see what they say.
29:12Okay?
29:13But I'm gonna go in anyway.
29:14You know.
29:15I'll go in.
29:17I'll go in.
29:19Yeah.
29:20Okay.
29:22Hmm?
29:23Are you...
29:24Oh, right now?
29:25Okay.
29:25Yeah.
29:26Sure.
29:26Yeah.
29:26Are the cameras okay?
29:28Sure, if you're okay with it, okay?
29:30Well, they're mine, so...
29:32You want me to come in, too?
29:33Um, sure.
29:34Yeah, I don't care who sees this.
29:36You know?
29:36Because I'm mad.
29:40What is this?
29:43I have Valerie Cherish.
29:47Nice to meet you, Valerie.
29:49Um...
29:50Wish it was under better circumstances.
29:53Holly, hi.
29:55Nice to see you.
29:56Yeah.
29:59Okay.
29:59Yeah.
30:00Yeah.
30:01You look great.
30:03The exact same.
30:04Oh.
30:05You, too.
30:06Just...
30:07I didn't...
30:07I didn't know about the...
30:09You know, that you were...
30:11You know, glad to see that you're okay now.
30:14Okay?
30:14Yeah.
30:15Mickey!
30:16My man!
30:26I'll turn that off.
30:28We were just watching this when you came.
30:34Note to self, I don't need to see that.
30:37Hmm.
30:38Well, as long as we're ordering, I'd like outside a big dick Perkins.
30:42Hold the Perkins.
30:46Well, okay, that's not right.
30:48You know, I'm not happy with you. Or you. Okay?
30:53You need to cease and desist.
30:55We did reach out to your agent. We never heard back.
30:58You reached out to get my permission? To... No, no.
31:02We wanted to see if you were interested in coming in for it.
31:07Oh, you wanted to see if I... Oh. Oh, and you didn't hear back.
31:11Okay. Well, you know, they just keep promoting assistance over there.
31:16Next time, check the assistance directory, maybe.
31:19Well, it was my understanding that we don't need your permission for a character
31:23Paulie Gee created called Mallory Church. It's fiction.
31:28Well, it sounds like a little miscommunication problem. Yeah. Uh-huh. But you read the script,
31:31and here you are. It'd be great to hear you read it.
31:39Well, I haven't prepared, so...
31:42Do you need to prepare? It's pretty close to you.
31:45Well, without actually being you. Uh-huh.
31:47But we'd love to hear what you do with it.
31:50Okay, sure. Why not? Yeah.
31:53Take a few minutes. We'll wait. Thank you.
31:54Thanks. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Come with me, Valerie,
31:56and I'll get you the rest of the impasse. Okay.
31:58Ooh. You all right, doll? You have to be careful.
32:03You know what? Hey, guys.
32:06We don't need to hear Valerie read the show-within-a-show stuff.
32:09You know, I mean, we know she's great at bad sitcom.
32:12Which I wrote. That's my bad.
32:15Yeah. I didn't say anything.
32:17We just, let's get to the meat of it, you know?
32:19Uh-huh.
32:19Sort of drama stuff. Right? Sharon, do we have the monologue?
32:23Sure. That's a great idea.
32:26Okay. Yeah? Yeah.
32:27Obviously, we're not asking everyone to read that.
32:29Oh. Okay. Thank you. Thanks for that.
32:32I guess I could, yeah, I could take a few minutes out there,
32:34try to memorize it, right?
32:35You don't need to memorize it. No one's expecting that.
32:37You know, we just, we just want to see it.
32:39Right. Yeah. Okay. Well, look.
32:41Truth is, I didn't, didn't read the whole script.
32:44So, busted.
32:46So, you know, then it's a cold reading,
32:48and I don't do cold reads well.
32:50And I could argue otherwise.
32:52I've given you stuff cold before, right?
32:53I had you change lines right on the spot.
32:56Yeah.
32:57You always, you always nailed it.
32:58Uh-huh.
32:59If you'd like to take your time, and prepare,
33:02and then come back.
33:03Yeah.
33:04We, uh, are, are we casting tomorrow?
33:06Uh, this is the last day scheduled so far.
33:08Right, right.
33:09Well.
33:09I'm in Ireland tomorrow.
33:11Oh.
33:12Oh.
33:12Right.
33:13Well, it's up to you.
33:15We all know it's a cold reading.
33:17Uh-huh.
33:19Okay.
33:20Yeah.
33:20Sure.
33:21Okay.
33:22And down there?
33:23Eve.
33:23Is that where?
33:23Right there.
33:24We go.
33:25Okay.
33:26Off we go, then.
33:29I'm gonna...
33:31I don't think I'm gonna need my glasses.
33:34Sorry.
33:36Have to see it if I'm gonna read it.
33:40Right.
33:43I can memorize it.
33:44You can see it without.
33:45Okay.
33:47It's fine.
33:50Okay.
33:51She won't look like this.
33:52Okay.
33:54Slick it over for one sec.
34:04Okay.
34:05Whatever you're ready, Val.
34:07Take your time.
34:10Mm-hmm.
34:17Okay.
34:20Great.
34:21Okay.
34:28You think I'm this dried-up, middle-aged woman.
34:32Look at the jokes you write.
34:33Look at this tracksuit you make me wear.
34:35All saying the same thing.
34:37I'm old.
34:38I'm annoying.
34:40I'm unfuckable.
34:42Well, I'm not the joke, okay?
34:43You are, Mitch.
34:46And instead of spending all your time trying to make me the joke,
34:48why don't you do your job and write me one?
34:51Huh?
34:51A real joke, Mitch.
34:52Not you and your boys off in a room making fun of an old woman's pussy.
34:56Yeah, I heard you.
34:58I heard what you think of me.
34:59I heard it.
35:01Well, maybe you and everyone in television...
35:04Oh, I said it wrong.
35:06I'm gonna go back.
35:08Okay.
35:11Well, maybe you and everyone in the television business
35:13can't see me as desirable.
35:15But there are plenty of men out there who...
35:18But there are plenty of men out there
35:20who would still want to fuck an old lady like me.
35:24So, fuck you, Mitch.
35:26Just fuck you and fuck you.
35:31Okay.
35:35Well, that was cold.
35:38It was a little too just up there.
35:40I'm gonna get my crew and I'm gonna get out of here.
35:44Okay?
35:45So, thank you very much.
35:48Oops.
35:49I turned my name off.
35:51I'm gonna get my purse sneaky.
35:53Just get it.
35:56Okay, everyone coming.
36:06Okay.
36:07It's just...
36:09Why'd I do that?
36:11It's so stupid.
36:12Just do cold reading.
36:14It's so stupid.
36:15Oh!
36:16You dropped your mic.
36:17Ugh.
36:17I have a problem with this.
36:19I can hear them.
36:20Okay.
36:20I don't know what that was,
36:22but I've gotta have more of it.
36:23Is that weird?
36:24It's stuck.
36:24Leave it, leave it, leave it.
36:26We're not casting her though, okay?
36:28Okay.
36:29I can't have the camera.
36:31What's it stuck on?
36:32I don't understand.
36:33Ugh.
36:36It's broken.
36:37It's a rental.
36:38Now what do I do?
36:40Oh!
36:41Oh.
36:43I, um, dropped this, so I didn't wanna, you know,
36:46I wasn't listening, so...
36:48Okay.
36:48We're good.
36:49Got it.
36:51Okay.
36:52Yeah, bye-bye, Shannon.
36:54Sharon.
36:57I thought you were wonderful, Red.
36:59It wasn't.
37:00Cold read.
37:01Sometimes it's not possible to win.
37:03You know.
37:04Just got...
37:05That's supposed to go up though.
37:07Why isn't it going up?
37:09Okay.
37:10Uh, can't get out.
37:13What?
37:17I can't understand.
37:18Mickey, could you understand?
37:19No.
37:21They want you to go.
37:22Yeah.
37:22Well, no one wants to get out of here more than I do,
37:24so thanks for that, Tyler.
37:26Hey, you can help.
37:27Someone has to help me.
37:29I put in the wrong bullet.
37:30Oh!
37:31It said you put in the wrong ticket.
37:33Oh.
37:34Uh, well...
37:36I don't...
37:37That's right.
37:38I had two tickets.
37:39Who...
37:40Who gives you two valet tickets anyway?
37:43Fucking HBO.
37:44You put in the wrong bullet.
37:46I know.
37:46I know.
37:46I did a stupid thing.
37:48Okay.
37:49Oh, you know what?
37:50All right.
37:50Shut up, sir!
37:51I can't go!
37:52All right?
37:53No!
37:54You!
37:54Just turn them off.
37:56Off.
37:56Cameras off.
37:57Okay?
37:57You know, I have to shoot everything.
37:59You just keep blabbering and I...
38:01You know?
38:02Because, listen.
38:04Turn the cameras off so you missed the call from my agent.
38:07Okay?
38:08Never turn the cameras off.
38:10You told us to.
38:12Well, Tyler, not now.
38:13Okay?
38:14You're gonna harsh my mellow.
38:15You know what?
38:16Why don't I just do the call again?
38:18Right?
38:19I can fake it.
38:19I'm an actress.
38:20Yeah?
38:21According to HBO, I'm an amazing dramatic actress, so...
38:24Who knew?
38:24Good for you, Red.
38:26We're back on TV!
38:27Well, no.
38:28It's not TV.
38:29It's...
38:29They don't do that anymore, do they?
38:31Okay.
38:31In five, four, three...
38:36Someone say ring.
38:38Oh!
38:38Ring!
38:39Oh.
38:40It's my agent.
38:43This is Valerie Cherish.
38:45You know what?
38:45Let's do that again.
38:47Val?
38:48Ooh!
38:48This is better.
38:49Okay?
38:50You guys, you're gonna get me telling Mark and get his reaction when I'm telling him.
38:54Hey, guys.
38:55Hi.
38:56Still working?
38:57Yeah.
38:58Um, got something to tell you.
39:00Tell me what?
39:02Well, Marky Mark, just got a call from my agent, Sean something.
39:07Um, HBO, and Mr. Polly G loved me and offered me a part in seeing Red.
39:13How do you like that?
39:15Well, how'd that happen?
39:17Aren't we suing them?
39:18Well, okay.
39:18That was a mistake.
39:20You know?
39:20Lesson learned.
39:21Took myself too seriously.
39:23You know?
39:23It's a part in a show.
39:25Well, last night, you said it was you.
39:27Yeah, and somebody's gonna play me, you know?
39:29And not as good.
39:32Now it's me playing me.
39:34Well.
39:35I don't think so.
39:36No way, though.
39:38I mean, no fucking way.
39:39Well.
39:42To be continued.
39:48Nikki, are you coming?
40:02Oh, and I'm with you, baby.
40:10Are you out of my head?
40:11And I just can't get enough.
40:13And I just can't get enough.
40:14I just can't get enough.
40:15All the things you did to me and everything you said.
40:19I just can't get enough.
40:21I just can't get enough.
40:23We slip and fly, and we fall in love.
40:26And I just can't seem to get enough of that.
40:30I just can't get enough of that.
40:53The...
40:54The...
41:03I just can't get enough.
41:05I don't want to get enough of that.
41:05I'm with you.
41:06It's like you.
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