- 8 hours ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:11Music
00:23Sorry, we went to the wrong crop tour!
00:25Yep, so those missing Swedish Backpackers did our boat tour, then they left and they got wolf fruit, probably.
00:30Yeah, we'll just wait for these late-comers.
00:32Yep.
00:33Okay.
00:34Right, Leon, don't have a seat.
00:36It's Leon, not me.
00:37Yep.
00:38Welcome to Don Darrell's Best Best Jump and Croc Tours.
00:42I'm Amber, Don's daughter.
00:44My husband, Grant, is a skipper.
00:45And my little brother with the pole is called Troy.
00:47Isn't that right, Troy?
00:48Yeah.
00:48Yeah, alright. So, safety stuff.
00:51Hands and feet inside the boat at all times.
00:53Any questions?
00:55Yeah.
00:55Who are the traditional owners here?
00:56Yeah, so, my dad started Best Best back in the late 70s.
01:00Which is way before fucking Jason Wade's fucking land of Crocs.
01:03Way before.
01:04Right?
01:05Okay?
01:06Alright, bud.
01:07Let's go!
01:11Now, a lot of people say if you're getting attacked by a croc, you want to gouge out its
01:16eyes.
01:16But what are they being, Troy?
01:18Naive.
01:18That's right, they're being naive.
01:20As my dad Don always says, if you're getting attacked by a croc, you're not surviving,
01:25you're dying.
01:27Okay.
01:28Look over here, you'll see your first croc.
01:31Old scrubber.
01:32See?
01:33Can you all see that?
01:34Can you see that?
01:35There is!
01:35There is!
01:36Good.
01:36No refunds.
01:38Troy, pole.
01:45Let's see if she's going to give us a show here today.
01:52That's it.
01:53Cheers, honey.
01:54Alright.
01:57Now, you might be thinking, fuck me, that's a big croc.
02:00But it's not.
02:01No, it's not.
02:02Old scrubber here's only three metres, because she's just a girl.
02:07Our bull croc along here is Goliath.
02:095.3 metres, teeth to tail.
02:12He's a boss, and he'll take down any male who tries to take over his territory.
02:16Now, I have the strongest white balls of any living animal.
02:18The equivalent...
02:19Fuck, what are those ladder crop cubs doing now?
02:21Aye!
02:22You what?
02:22You ruck up!
02:23The border is the big white truck!
02:26Bullshit, it is fun!
02:28Ram him, boys.
02:29Ram him!
02:34You look like a shaved dick!
02:36No, never!
02:38What?
02:40Holy shit!
02:42Which bull is it?
02:43Is it Goliath?
02:44Use the pole, Troy!
02:44Flipping!
02:45Fuck him!
02:46Flipping!
02:47Come on, give him a big one!
02:48It's not the wrong one.
02:49Fuck!
02:51Wait, Troy...
02:53What the fuck is that?
02:54It's better.
02:59You...
03:00I've got a new one!
03:01I got a doo-doo-doo, push my apple, shake the trick!
03:05I got a doo-doo-doo, push my apple, why don't you?
03:08To the left tree!
03:09I got something too big!
03:14Alan!
03:16Alan!
03:17Alan!
03:17All right, Eddie, don't get in there!
03:19Go on!
03:20I was getting out, Eddie!
03:21Hey, that new, uh, a new superintendent now at Police HQ.
03:24What's his name?
03:25Colton.
03:26Macaulay Culkin, yeah.
03:27Yeah.
03:27He just called.
03:28He said we could talk about Bushy's head of AIDS.
03:30Come on!
03:30I'll break the surface tension and fall on the slipstream.
03:35All right, here's the plan.
03:36Okay, we're going to HQ, and we go, oi, listen up cunts.
03:39Bushy's death was sus.
03:41We reckon he was definitely investigating something, and that's what got him killed.
03:45And there we go.
03:45You lot have obviously been too busy sitting around licking your own fucking dickholes to
03:50see what's been happening here, so you need a toodle fuck and let us run the case.
03:54Capiche?
03:55Or comprende?
03:56Uh-huh.
03:57Let's give those lazy cunts a rass.
03:59Hey!
04:00Oh, sake, Collins.
04:01Liquid gold.
04:02I didn't think that you were doing what you ended up doing.
04:05I didn't know you were going to dance.
04:06Can you tell me if my ponytail's straight?
04:09I don't do that.
04:11Look, there's no easy way to say this, but Detective Bushman committed suicide.
04:15The bullet they found in his skull matched ballistics, which confirmed that it was discharged
04:19from his own service weapon.
04:21I am terribly sorry.
04:23No.
04:25No.
04:26Someone's got the wrong end of the deed with that one.
04:30Well, the brief of Bush's psychologist also said that he was struggling with depression,
04:36hypertension, complex PTSD, suicidal ideation.
04:40Yeah, but that's just cop stuff.
04:43Everyone talks about blowing their brains out after a few beers.
04:46It's just a regular Friday night, isn't it?
04:50There was also a note.
04:52Yeah, his wife Holly found it when she was packing up the home.
04:56You'll mention, Detective Redford.
05:00Look, I know how rough this is.
05:03I went through the same thing with my police partner ten years ago, and I did not cope,
05:07and I started drinking, and I got heavily into capoeira.
05:10You know what, that's probably just a note from some other time, I think.
05:14There was another time?
05:15Well, no, he's dated it and initialed it, so it's quite thorough, really.
05:19No, I'm just going to take this and give it a read to Colby.
05:23Alright, would you like some comfort?
05:24No, no, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
05:26I can read now, sir.
05:28Oh, look, we can offer the detective counselling or leave a support dog, a therapy puppet.
05:34Well, HR's really pushing the puppets at the moment.
05:36It's just probably less training, that's all.
05:38Well, folks, the dry season's over, and the rains are coming,
05:42so that means it's time for our build-up sales.
05:45We've got tankinis, monokinis, cutouts, spokinis,
05:49what's a lot of life in the winter.
06:08So, um, so you and your husband...
06:11Uh, my wife.
06:12Oh, right, yeah.
06:14No, that's good, too.
06:15Better, actually.
06:15You know, I voted yes.
06:17So, now the Bushman case has been resolved, will you be heading back to Tassie?
06:22Uh, no plans to go back, no.
06:25No, I was considering a lateral transfer.
06:30I could pivot to the missing Swedish backpacker's case.
06:34Oh.
06:34Um, yeah, well, Detective Blunt's leading task force, Amar.
06:39Okay, alright.
06:40Well, I've tried suggesting people through his team before,
06:43and I think Blunt's commitment to diversity only stretches as far as a bloke who wears contact lenses.
06:47Right, right.
06:48Yeah, so, uh, backpacker team's a such shop, unfortunately.
06:52Uh-huh.
06:53Still, Darwin's worth the trip, isn't it?
06:55You know, incredible beaches.
06:57Well, not for the swimming, obviously, with the crocs and the jellyfish
07:00and the undettonated World War II bombs.
07:02Yeah, but there's waterfalls.
07:04They're spectacular.
07:22Well, she took his own life.
07:24Yes, he did.
07:25Oh, that's awful.
07:26Has Eddie?
07:27Got any King Pythons?
07:29Only in jumbo packets.
07:30Fuck!
07:31Does she have any family here?
07:33Like a support network?
07:35No.
07:35Uh, we saw Holly and she handed Eddie that box of bushy stuff
07:39and said she never wanted to hear from anyone in Territory Police ever again.
07:42Well, I'm glad Eddie's been off for counselling.
07:44She needs a therapist.
07:45Maybe someone who specialises in ADHD and young boys.
07:47Did you want to enter the competition for Jason Wey's Big Barrow Bashnanza?
07:50The Golden Barrow's 200k this year.
07:51No.
07:55Or you can sign up for the Bashnanza raffle and win a jet ski.
07:57It's got a swim platform and a cover and stuff and whatever.
08:01Alright, hand it over.
08:03Fuck.
08:03Okay, so what's the plan now?
08:05We have noodles and...
08:06No, no, the plan plan, besides going to a waterfall.
08:09Oh, um, I hear ASIO's hiring...
08:11No, not work, sexy life.
08:14Let's drive around Australia.
08:15Fern is with her grandmas in Sydney and I've left all my book clubs.
08:18Come on, we're rich, unemployed lesbians.
08:20It's either a road trip or we run for parliament.
08:22And I could get into surfing and you could get into something weather-y.
08:26Or you could be like a storm chaser like Helen Hunt.
08:29You love the weather and I could get some of those rubber boots so you don't get electrocuted.
08:33Kath, I'm feeling with my feelings that...
08:37Yeah, okay.
08:38Yeah, I need to...
08:39The rubber boots can wait.
08:40Yes.
08:40Okay.
08:41Because we need to focus on what's important right now and that is Eddie, isn't it?
08:44Yes.
08:45She needs our love and our support.
08:47And a float and a waterfall.
08:49It's only a little bit crocky.
08:51What's a little bit crocky?
08:53Yeah, sign us up to win a jet ski.
08:55Okay.
08:56Yeah.
08:56We've just got to beat a bloke called Lloyd Reynolds who entered 48 times in a row.
09:01Uh, Eddie, I...
09:02Yeah, look, I owe you too so sorry.
09:04You know, for making me put your life on hold and for dragging you all the way up here.
09:09It's fine.
09:09Collins, I'm sorry that Bushy's investigation was a bust and now you're up here in Darwin for no good reason
09:14and, you know, you look like shit all the time because of the humidity, you just...
09:17Aw, her hair curl routine just needs tweaking.
09:22Anyway, I'm going to piss off.
09:23I'll let you get back to your gay marriage.
09:25What? You're going?
09:26Yeah, yeah.
09:27I've got plenty of stuff to get onto.
09:28You've got this bag of snakes.
09:30I'm about to win a jet ski so that'll keep me busy.
09:31Anyway, point is, this is the end.
09:33The end of the friendship.
09:35Oi, Alira.
09:36Which way's the desert?
09:39Right on.
09:41Toorah.
09:42Eddie, wait.
09:43Nah, you alright?
09:44Dulcie, do something.
09:45I'll get my sports bars for the sleepy nook in the camper.
09:48Uh, Detective Dulcie Collins.
09:49Cat, you got the keys?
09:50No, Dulcie's got them.
09:52Oh, Superintendent Culkin.
09:53Eddie, just wait.
09:53We can talk about this.
09:54We're at a petrol station in...
09:57Dick's River.
09:58Dick's River.
09:58Oh, no, no, Dirk's River.
10:00Uh, Dirk, no, Dirk's River.
10:01There's no Dick's.
10:02It's not, uh, uh, how can I help you?
10:05How can we help?
10:06Oh, no, Dirk.
10:15Well done, Dirk, no, no, Dirk.
10:19It's okay.
10:21You were from Melbourne?
10:23Where'd you something?
10:23Yeah, I'm around, too.
10:25Where'd you?
10:25Oh, no, I'm around, too.
10:29Does Barrow Creek get many body parts lodged inside dead reptiles?
10:33Who am I supposed to fucking know?
10:34You think it's male or female?
10:36I don't know how this croc identified.
10:37Oh, don't be smart.
10:38You meant the arm.
10:40I know what you meant.
10:41So I'm going to get dragged into your fucking who-what-when-where-who bullshit.
10:44I put the police tape up,
10:46I stopped a grey nomad from taking a picture of the arm on her iPad.
10:48I've done plenty, okay?
10:50Come on, let's go.
10:51Look, if we run fast enough, we can catch up with Catherine the waterfall.
10:53No, Superintendent Culkin asked us to assist the local senior sergeant until homicide out here.
10:57Don't make that face.
10:58Well, he is not my boss.
10:59And neither are you, so stiff clitties.
11:01Stiff clitties?
11:02Oh, lovely, that's lovely.
11:03Possies crack with this!
11:04I want a word with you lot!
11:05Oh, hey.
11:06I've got to go piss.
11:07No, you just went.
11:09I've got UTI, okay?
11:10It's like fire ants in my aretha.
11:11Oi!
11:12Listen!
11:13You cops need to fuck off!
11:14We've got a tour coming through here in 45 and I'm not cancelling.
11:17I've already had to refund that mouth from Melbourne because Leon vombed on her shoes.
11:20$55.
11:21Well, no, no.
11:22We will not leave, ma'am, because this is a crime scene.
11:25This is not a crime scene.
11:26This is my private property.
11:27How dare you?
11:30What the fuck are you doing here?
11:31I'm not here.
11:32I'm not me, so...
11:33You think I wouldn't recognise you coming in here behind those blood shit polarized lenses?
11:37Hey, Andre!
11:38Sorry, what is happening here?
11:39You need to fuck off.
11:40She's barred from here.
11:41Okay?
11:41My dad barred her from here.
11:42Pat!
11:42Pat!
11:43She's barred from here!
11:44Eddie!
11:45It's not on Pat!
11:46Get her out!
11:47Who knows you're welcome home?
11:49What do you mean welcome home?
11:50Home as in...
11:51Home, home.
11:52You're from Barracree.
11:53No, no, no!
11:54Remember the last time I saw you?
11:55You probably don't.
11:56The rolling drunk she was.
11:57Okay, yeah.
11:58Out on the highway with some dog.
11:59Having a fight with a tree.
12:01How long are you home for?
12:02I'm not home!
12:03Okay, I hate this fucking town.
12:04I hope it slides into the river next time it fucking rains.
12:07Well, piss off then!
12:08Before Dad comes back and you become the fucking crime scene.
12:10Oh, great!
12:11Look, the Jill Squad is right.
12:12That's perfect for me, Pat.
12:13It's been lovely.
12:14Uh, good luck with your life.
12:15Have a great one.
12:16And, uh, Amber, you can suck a fuck.
12:19Colin, I've met you in the car park.
12:20I'm calling Kat!
12:21Who's this?
12:22It's not the Dirk Smithers, boys.
12:24That's Detective Blunt.
12:25He's on the backpacker case.
12:28What's he doing here?
12:29Alright, clear the scene.
12:31We've got it from here.
12:32100% of the scene.
12:33Yep.
12:33100% of the scene.
12:34100% of the scene.
12:37Ranges in the rock.
12:38Get them to cut the croc open.
12:39There'll be more inside.
12:43What size are these tiny girl gloves, Steve?
12:45Small to medium.
12:46Fucking small to medium.
12:47Fuck.
12:47Steve, you got that photo?
12:49Alright.
12:52Yep, I called it.
12:53The arm's got the same tattoo.
12:54See?
12:54Both lavender.
12:55That's her flower tattoo.
12:56It's Abba.
12:57It's Abba's arm.
12:58Swedish girls got eaten.
12:59They got eaten by crocs.
13:00100%.
13:01Put that on ice.
13:01Send it to the fiancé.
13:03Where's my phone?
13:03I'm calling the senator.
13:04Hello, mate.
13:05Yes, as suspected.
13:07Yeah.
13:07Sorry, can I...
13:08Can I just...
13:09I'll tell you what, if you call for that croc call, Senator, I'm gonna back you 200%, mate.
13:12Yeah, you have my...
13:13Hang on, Russ.
13:14Sorry.
13:14I've got a tourist here.
13:16Oh.
13:16This is a crime scene.
13:17Yes, I know.
13:18I'm Detective Collins.
13:19Superintendent Culkin called me into assist.
13:21That pinko greenie.
13:22Of course he fucking did.
13:24Senator, sorry.
13:24Can I call you back, mate?
13:26So you think that the arm belongs to one of the Swedish backpackers?
13:29Nah, don't think.
13:30I know.
13:31Right.
13:32Yes.
13:32Right.
13:33Well, I worked as a detective for 15 years, and I just completed five years in Tasmania,
13:38so if an extra pair of hands is needed to figure out the victim's last movements...
13:42Hang on, did you say Tasmania?
13:44Yes.
13:45What's your name again?
13:45Dulcie Collins.
13:47You're that dead lake bird.
13:48Ah.
13:49You know...
13:49You know you're the talk of the group chat.
13:50How you fucked up an investigation so royally, you got three innocent men killed.
13:55One of them was a serial killer, actually.
13:58Yeah, well, look, thanks for the offer, but I don't need any help.
14:00You know, particularly from Nancy Drew's fucking stretched out attic twin.
14:04Have a good one.
14:05Okay, boys, we've got to do this presser.
14:07What do you reckon, aviages on or off?
14:08On.
14:09Yeah, I reckon on.
14:10I reckon on.
14:11Yeah, a hundred percent.
14:12Yeah, a hundred percent.
14:12A hundred percent.
14:13A hundred percent.
14:14A hundred percent.
14:15A hundred percent.
14:18So which rock was it then, Nick?
14:20I don't know which one it is, Isaac.
14:21It's too busted up.
14:22Is it a bull from another part of the river?
14:24Like Whopper from Dirk's River?
14:25Or Cyclops or Dunker?
14:27Working in that nightclub busting your ear bones cars.
14:29I already said, I don't know.
14:31Whoever he is, he's fucking massive.
14:32Maybe it was Megamount.
14:33Oh my God, shut up!
14:38Ah!
14:39Eddie!
14:46This is about me not telling you I was from here.
14:48Fuck me!
14:49Not even three hours in this rat hole has already taken its toll, haven't you Collins?
14:53You've got the bones of us still.
14:54Drink water!
14:55Sorry I'm late.
14:57I got caught talking to lesbians.
14:58There were so many of them and they were all so beautiful.
15:02Waterfalls, I mean.
15:03There were only two confirmed lesbians and they were both very sunburnt.
15:06Okay.
15:06Alright, Kath, let's get out of here.
15:08There's a seat at the Darwin Ski Club with my ass's name on it.
15:10Oh no, no, we can't drive anywhere.
15:12The camper van company said we're not allowed to drive on the highway after dark
15:15because of the buffaloes.
15:16But I've booked us into the Barra Creek Caravan Park for the night.
15:20Fuck!
15:22What?
15:22Have you stayed there before?
15:23Are the toilets bad?
15:52Are the toilets bad?
15:53We believe that the Swedish backpacker Ebber Erling was the victim of a crock attack.
15:57We also believe that it's only a matter of time before we recover the remains of one Astrid
16:01Ahlberg.
16:02It's pretty clear that Ebber went into the water at Crossley's Crossing at some time.
16:06Probably having a skinny dip.
16:07Yeah, and she's been taken by a bull crock.
16:09And then that bull crock has choked on her arm and floated upstream to Barra Creek where it was discovered.
16:13We need to start culling the bastards.
16:16The Swedes?
16:17No, not the bloody Swedes rabbit, the bloody crocks.
16:21They've taken over.
16:22They'll be walking on land next.
16:24Okay, my love.
16:26Is Eddie joining us?
16:27I've got us the emu and kangaroo sausages.
16:28They're the house special.
16:29Okay, so the pub has new owners, Lynn and Mary.
16:32Both straight for now, but life's long, isn't it?
16:34It is.
16:36Is that Eddie?
16:36Oh my god, look at her.
16:38Look at her little top knot dolls.
16:40Aww.
16:41I know she doesn't have any family in town.
16:43Is there anyone she wants to catch up with while we're here?
16:45We could throw a barbecue.
16:46We just need a barbecue.
16:48Actually, I'm going to buy us a barbecue.
16:49Is that the backpackers?
16:51Yeah, Lynn said they weren't here.
16:55I wonder where Eddie's got to.
17:14G'day, everyone.
17:15So, uh, Mary and I have decided that bingo will go ahead tonight,
17:19but now it'll be in Astrid and Ebbers' honour.
17:21Which is nice.
17:22No-one likes your effin' bingo.
17:24Well, take a bingo sheet out of respect for the dead bird,
17:26or Lynn won't be driving you to dialysis next week.
17:29What are you driving?
17:31Ah, nothing.
17:32That's a...
17:33That's a train.
17:36If that's a train, you need an MRI.
17:38It looks like an arm.
17:40Dals, what's going on?
17:41I promise I won't freak out.
17:42I'm doing so much work on myself
17:43at the moment I've basically evolved into a cosmic head.
17:46Oh, Kath, Blunt made an ID on the arm today
17:51without any forensics input.
17:53Just based on a tattoo on an arm
17:55that had been used as a reptile's chew toy.
17:58Do you think it's Ebbers' tattoo?
18:00Ah, I don't know. I don't know.
18:01But it's frustrating.
18:02I don't have access to the crime scene photos
18:04because I'm not working the case.
18:05You see, Blunt said that the backpackers were last seen at Crossley's Crossing.
18:09But look at that mural over there.
18:10How did the arm travel to Barrow Creek?
18:13We're 50 kilometres upstream.
18:14Last call for bingo.
18:16Kath, what if the arm doesn't belong to Ebbers?
18:18What if Blunt's got this ID wrong?
18:21Those missing women could still be out there,
18:23and that's to say nothing of the actual person whose arm was found today.
18:27What about them?
18:28The way this is being investigated, it's just not right.
18:31Do you remember what I said in our marriage vows?
18:33Yes, I do remember because all four of our parents were there.
18:36I said your sense of justice is my favourite thing about you,
18:39aside from your perfect clit.
18:41Yeah, and then a month later my dad died.
18:43Yeah, look, if you think there's something wrong here,
18:46you need to go for it.
18:47We'll just keep checking in.
18:49Okay?
18:50Ah, before I get on the bingo balls,
18:52we'll have a minute's silence for Astrid and Ebber.
18:57I'll use the timer on my phone.
18:59Okay, and go.
19:11Oh, sorry.
19:13My bad, Dad.
19:40Eddie!
19:41Uh.
19:43Collins?
19:45What are you doing?
19:46I'm running to you.
19:48Why are you so f***ing slow?
19:50Oh, Christ.
19:52I'm overheating.
19:53I am like a computer on a lap.
19:56How does anyone move up here?
19:58The air is thicker than clag.
20:01Listen, Blunt has made the wrong ID on that arm.
20:05I can feel it.
20:06No, no.
20:07What you're feeling is a very, very bad case of tit thrush.
20:10No, that...
20:10OK, well, that was not Kath's story to tell.
20:12I saw the cream.
20:13No, well, the fungal infection under my breasts
20:15is totally irrelevant right now.
20:16Look.
20:17Look, the tattoos don't match.
20:19Ebba's tattoo is lavender and violet,
20:21and the victim's tattoo is...
20:23I mean, I don't know exactly what that is,
20:24but I think there's legs involved.
20:25But the point is...
20:27The arm from the river isn't Ebba's.
20:29I think we've got a John Doe on our hands.
20:31No, I don't have anything on my hands.
20:32Yeah?
20:33Some rando wants to go for a swim in a...
20:35River filled with reptilian death puppies, not my problem.
20:37OK, right, well, I am sending you the photo.
20:38No!
20:39No, I'm sending it.
20:40Don't send me the photo.
20:40I am sending you the photo.
20:42And there, it's sent.
20:45Was that your phone?
20:47Oh, that was very silly, Eddie.
20:49That was just a silly, silly thing to do.
20:51How are you going to make calls now?
20:52I don't care.
20:53I'm not going to make a fucking call.
20:54I won't make a call ever again in my whole fucking life.
20:56Come on.
20:57Good.
20:59Right.
21:01I understand not...
21:05Look, I understand not wanting to spend time in your hometown.
21:10I grew up in Canberra, and I didn't have many friends either.
21:13No, I had many friends.
21:15Mostly because of our 8pm curfew, and we prayed a lot,
21:18but we can't walk away from this.
21:22Watch me.
21:23I'll make a fucking jaunty for you.
21:27Eddie.
21:28Do you see me walk away?
21:30This community deserves answers.
21:33Mate, there is no community in Barra Creek, okay?
21:36A full arm showed up.
21:38But did anybody report a missing person?
21:40No.
21:40No-one in this town gives a shit about anything or anyone.
21:44Okay, fine.
21:45That's fine, Eddie.
21:45You go back to Darwin.
21:47You drink your coat.
21:48Hoon around on your new jet ski.
21:49Oh, yeah.
21:50Hoon around on your new jet ski that you will absolutely not win,
21:53but I am staying here,
21:55because I owe it to this John Doe to at least try and ID them.
21:58So, what else am I going to do?
21:59I'm going to go to Alice Springs.
22:01It is a lesbian social worker vortex.
22:04It will suck Kathy in and never let her go.
22:10You're ear stuffed with big fat balls.
22:12I told you to fuck off.
22:13I'm going home tomorrow, Amber, okay?
22:15So you can fucking fuck off.
22:16From Dad's best, best billboard
22:18right down to the drowsy driver roadside trivia site,
22:20dishes my family's.
22:22Barra Creek is Daryl country,
22:23and you're not welcome after what you did.
22:25Ugh, I didn't fucking do anything.
22:27You put a croc in Dad's ute.
22:28Oh, come on.
22:29It was a one-meter freshy, okay?
22:31That was croc justice,
22:32and it wasn't even big enough to bite his hand.
22:34And you know what?
22:34He deserved it after what he did.
22:36What did he do?
22:37Don't worry about it.
22:38You tried to kill him.
22:39Don fucking bulldozed a roadside memorial to my mum
22:42so he could widen his driveway by 70 centimeters.
22:46Yeah, so he could get the truck in
22:47to get the new shed in to put the boat in.
22:49You rat dogs.
22:50You bunch of your fucking rat dogs.
22:51Mate, 7.35 a.m.
22:53I'm doing the daycare drop-off at Croccy Kids with a Z.
22:55When I come back through here for the iced coffees,
22:58I'd better not see you, yeah?
23:00My family run this town.
23:01What town?
23:02It's just a fucking pub,
23:04a police station, a fucking bin.
23:06Family jokes on your shithead
23:07because we've got two bins now.
23:08Oh, okay, cool.
23:09Guess what else you've got two of?
23:10This one and this one.
23:12Fucking sit on that.
23:13Pursor!
23:13Yeah, tell Dodd to sit on it too.
23:15Sit on a big one.
23:16You're trying to use a shit people
23:17moving on a fucking shit car.
23:26Sorry about your mum's memorial.
23:29Why?
23:30You didn't drive over it with a comatsu?
23:32Yeah.
23:34Is that why you didn't tell me
23:36Barra Creek was your hometown
23:38because of your mum
23:39and putting a crocodile in that gentleman's car?
23:42Yeah, because this town is full of shit cunts
23:45like the Daryls
23:45who just do whatever the fuck they want.
23:48Sometimes I think the only form of justice
23:49they understand is croc justice.
23:51Oh, well, we can do away with the courts then.
23:53Hang on, shut up.
23:54Where'd you get these?
23:56A journo sent them to me.
23:57They were on the boat.
23:59They're the one that vomited
24:00on the passenger's sandals.
24:01They beeped it to my phone.
24:03There was a beeping sound.
24:05That's not a croc bite.
24:06What?
24:07Crocs teeth don't cut like that.
24:09They just thrash you around to you in chunks
24:12so they can swallow you.
24:14That's been chopped off.
24:20Fuck!
24:22It's a fucking homicide!
24:25Well, that's fucking great, isn't it?
24:27Now we're looking for a missing person
24:28and a fucking killer.
24:30Fuck.
24:31We?
24:37Yeah.
24:39Yeah, fuck this town.
24:40Fuck a lot of them.
24:42I'm like herpes.
24:42I can leave when I fucking want.
24:43So that, that, that's a, that's a yes.
24:45Yes, yes, fucking yes.
24:45Yes, you are going to say yes, yes, yes.
24:49Ow.
24:49Great, I'll call the superintendent
24:51first thing in the morning
24:52and we'll get the proper permissions.
24:54Suck job.
24:55Well, that's just standard procedure, Eddie.
24:57You're such a cop, man.
24:58You're a cop too.
24:59Yeah, but I'm like a cool cop.
25:00So you're still sleeping in the camper
25:02with us tonight?
25:03Yeah, of course.
25:04Sleeping in my nook.
25:06That's where my bag of handies is.
25:28I guess I had for dinner.
25:30What are you?
25:31It's a laughable.
25:32No, Aunty Mary gave us ice cream
25:33because Mum was kind of a dead crocodile.
25:36Hello.
25:36What?
25:37Did you say you're a crocodile?
25:38Yeah, a big one.
25:40What's your mum do for a job?
25:41She's a butcher?
25:42She's a ranger.
25:43She got me this mission shirt.
25:45Oh, that is a very good shirt.
25:47What's that?
25:48That drawing on the billboard?
25:50Um, that, that's a rocket
25:52that is taking off into the sky.
25:56Did your mum say
25:56if she found anything else in that croc?
25:58Yeah.
26:01What was it?
26:03Hey, kids, what was inside the crocodile?
26:14Oh, good, you can help me.
26:15Curse of the instructions
26:16for how to disconnect the sewer hose
26:18back there in German.
26:19Ow!
26:21Where'd you get that?
26:22This.
26:23It's my steed.
26:23It's a rental.
26:24Cost me a bomb.
26:25Okay, well, um,
26:27I spoke to the superintendent.
26:29Forensics called this morning
26:30and they confirmed
26:31that the arm belongs to a male.
26:32I still think the tattoo is of legs,
26:34maybe bird's legs,
26:35because they bend backwards.
26:37Blunt is off on a new lead.
26:38Apparently,
26:39Astrid and Ebba
26:40interacted with a man
26:41at the Dierks River service station
26:43and they're trying to locate him now.
26:44So, we have been given the green light
26:46to investigate.
26:46Good.
26:47Because I reckon the murderer
26:48fed the John Doe to their pet croc.
26:49So, we just need to disconnect this thing
26:51and if it doesn't spray effluent
26:52everywhere, we can go.
26:54So, did you say pet croc?
26:56Yeah.
26:56Morning.
26:57Morning.
26:57It's hot up here.
26:58Is it?
26:59Yeah, steaming than a Bangkok laundromat.
27:03Yeah, good on you.
27:04Yeah, the croc from yesterday
27:07had no more body parts in it.
27:08Its guts were just filled with chickens.
27:10100% chickens.
27:11The point is,
27:12with a diet like that,
27:13the dead croc is probably someone's pet.
27:14What?
27:15Who would keep a crocodile as a pet?
27:17Heaps of people up here do.
27:19I know, two in Barrow Creek.
27:20To what end?
27:21What do you do with a pet crocodile?
27:22You teach it to heal.
27:23Morning.
27:23Morning.
27:24Gosh, it's hot.
27:25Oh, yeah.
27:26I can see my dumpling in my couch.
27:27I reckon
27:29that the killer has fed the arm
27:31of the John Doe to their pet croc
27:32but then the croc has choked on it
27:34and capped it
27:35and so the killer's just dumped him in the river.
27:36So, I'm going to check on the two pet crocs
27:38to see if one is missing,
27:39if I can identify the croc from the river
27:41then
27:42we find our killer.
27:44Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na.
27:46No, that is not our priority, Eddie.
27:47Forget about the croc.
27:48We need to ID our victim
27:49and what about the sewer pump, Eddie?
27:51That is a two-person job.
27:54Morning.
27:55Yes, it's hot.
27:55Sorry, Lynn.
27:56Sorry.
27:57I saved that coat of arms for you.
27:59Sorry, my what?
27:59Your house special from last night.
28:01The one you didn't eat.
28:02Oh.
28:02We named it the coat of arms
28:03because it ruined the emu sausages.
28:26Oh, sorry, I haven't...
28:31Hey, um, oh, sorry, someone's still in here and that's accidentally locked.
28:35Hello?
28:36Oh, my God.
29:01Oh, my God.
29:10All right, how's it all going?
29:13Welcome to the 11 a.m. crocodile feeding experience.
29:16As you know from your socials, I am DJ Darrell, hashtag Croc God.
29:21And our pet king who's in that pool behind me was caught by my dad, Don.
29:25He's the largest croc ever recorded in Australia.
29:28It's a suck shit land of crocs.
29:29Size does matter.
29:31Yeah.
29:33All right, let's give him some food.
29:36Yeah, clap your hands, that's it.
29:37Bring out the beast.
29:38Hey, all right, there we go.
29:42Come on, clap louder.
29:43King only comes when you clap.
29:46Oh, here he is.
29:47King of the river.
29:50So who's he is, what's the stuff you're doing?
29:52I don't think.
29:55Bam, where are your names?
30:01All right, he's done yet.
30:02Sorry, you knew that I was in here.
30:04I'm shutting up.
30:05Got to get to the docks.
30:07I've got piss in my blood.
30:08All right.
30:08Wait, just one second.
30:10Sorry, do you know any of these men?
30:12Yeah, of course I bloody know them.
30:13Out.
30:14Um, could you tell me their names or where I might find them?
30:16Oh, Christ.
30:18There's Barry's in a nursing home.
30:20That Don bastard's still around.
30:22Trevor Stutchbury died a couple of years ago.
30:24Frank McCallis is in jail.
30:26And that one is dead, probably.
30:28Probably.
30:29He went missing, didn't he?
30:30Do you remember his name?
30:32I don't bloody know.
30:33He was in the papers, wasn't he?
30:34Was he?
30:35Why?
30:35Because he went bloody missing.
30:37Right, I've had enough of your questions.
30:39Out.
30:39What?
30:39Um.
30:40Out.
30:41Oh, no, I don't have my shoes, please.
30:48He went missing.
30:51Lloyd.
30:52Sorry?
30:53The bloke in the photo.
30:54Lloyd Reynolds was his name.
30:56Christ, keep up, girl.
31:08Colin.
31:08Eddie, I think I know who the arm belongs to.
31:10What?
31:11It's Lloyd Reynolds, the jet ski guy for the petrol station.
31:14I'm headed there now to try to ID him.
31:15Fuck off, you hovercat.
31:17And then I'll come and get you.
31:18Yeah, cool.
31:19I'm not listening.
31:20Hey, the Daryl's Pedcross King is still alive.
31:22I've got one more place to check out.
31:24Colin?
31:24Colin?
31:27Fuck off!
31:31Yeah, it's a promotion.
31:33I have to mention the promotion.
31:34And two packs of fruity juice for $2 is a good deal.
31:37So are you sure you don't want it?
31:38So sure.
31:39I'm really sure.
31:40Well, I can't give you the sign-up sheet because the competition is closed.
31:43Yeah, I don't want to enter the competition.
31:45I just want to confirm the identity of one of the entrants.
31:48I think you might be a missing person.
31:53Oh, my God.
31:56Ah!
31:56Oh, thank you, Alira.
32:00Are you sure you don't want two packs of fruity juice for $2?
32:03I'm so sure.
32:04This man here, Lloyd Reynolds.
32:06Is there any chance that you remember him?
32:07Yeah, I remember him because the bank told me to cut up his credit card.
32:11Right.
32:11And this is his phone number here, is it?
32:13Yeah.
32:1348 times in a row.
32:15Okay.
32:15Okay.
32:15And that was Lloyd on the end there, yes?
32:18No.
32:22Is this about the Swedish backpackers, Elsa and Aspirin or whatever?
32:27Because I already told those detectives this morning about them and that Lloyd bloke.
32:30Wait, Lloyd Reynolds is the man the backpackers were seen with?
32:33Yes.
32:34They paid for their noodles and his mobility scooter and two packs of fruity juice for $2.
32:40Are you sure you don't want that?
32:41I don't want it.
32:42I don't want it.
32:44Okay.
32:45I think they felt sorry for him because he was old and I cut up his credit card.
32:48Right.
32:49And did they leave with him?
32:50No, they went in different directions.
32:51He went to Barrow Creek and they went off to Crossley's Crossing.
32:54Right.
32:54Thank you so much.
32:56Hang on a sec.
32:57That's Lloyd there.
33:01No, but that's...
33:03Frank McAllister.
33:05Prizes include crop coaching, drink driving, identity fraud and petty theft.
33:12Is that him there?
33:14Yes.
33:15Yep.
33:19He's in prison.
33:20How is Frank McAllister committing identity fraud at a servo in Dierks River if he's in prison?
33:29Could he have been released early?
33:38He was released four days ago.
33:40Right.
33:40Okay, great.
33:40Can I grab an address, please?
33:42You seen it, chat?
33:43Fucking funny.
33:45I will get done for that.
33:46Yeah.
33:47See you later.
33:50The address.
33:52The address.
34:19Continue straight along Dickey's Top Road for one and a hundred minutes.
34:22Two and a half kilometers and your destination will be on the right.
34:36Lovely.
35:04That song was called Red Flag.
35:05It was about my ex.
35:06And this next one's called Dead Love.
35:09It's about my ex.
35:10No!
35:11Who the fuck graffitied our billboard?
35:13Where's Spud?
35:14Where is he?
35:15Amber, we don't want any trouble.
35:16The pool table is still spongy from the water damage last time you guys went at it.
35:20Oi!
35:21Spud!
35:22Did you do that?
35:23Why fuck's this?
35:24Is that your cock and balls on my dad's face?
35:27Nope.
35:28Hmm?
35:28Don't know nothing about no cock and balls.
35:36Always said your old man was a massive cocksucker, though.
35:40My dad is not gay!
35:41No one in our family is gay!
35:43But my dad!
35:44He's the king of the river!
35:50Hello?
35:53Mr. McAllister?
35:57Is anybody there?
36:09Hello?
36:19Hello?
36:21Hello?
36:22Hello?
36:38Oh, Christ!
36:40Missed Eddie. Oh God. My heart is bloody Michael Flatley right now. What are you doing here?
36:46Missed Ed. Yeah. Yeah, I think he is too.
36:51I love that cheeky fucker.
36:54Oh no. God, Eddie. I didn't... I didn't realise he knew him.
37:00We grew up together. He was a bloody good listener.
37:07We used to have bars together.
37:10They had the most beautiful, piss yellow eyes. I mean, I've had them a chook every morning.
37:19Sorry, who are you talking about?
37:22Triple Pet. The best croc in the Territory. He's not in his cage.
37:26He must have been who was dead in the river.
37:28Right.
37:29What? Who are you talking about?
37:31Oh, the man who lived here, Frank McAllister. I think his arm was in the Triple Pet.
37:39No. No, that's not possible.
37:41Well, he was released from prison a few days ago. I think someone might have killed him
37:44when he arrived back here.
37:50Eddie, you okay?
37:53Oh fuck, get down, get down!
37:55Get off my fucking property, you fucking slant!
37:59Fuck my ring, don't shoot!
38:01No! I'm bloody well!
38:02Oh fuck up, mate!
38:04Eddie, stay down!
38:05No, no, he's not going to shoot us.
38:08He's my fucking dad!
38:14Your dad is Frank McAllister.
38:17Yeah, that's one of his fucking names.
38:19And he's not dead.
38:21Yeah, he's fucking dead to me!
38:22You're fucking dead to me, Edwina!
38:26Get off that dicker!
38:28Fellas, DJ, leave him!
38:30Get that dicker balls off my dad's face!
38:32It's a bad fucking bag, you crap fucker!
38:34Come here, DJ! He's going to the shit shit!
38:36I need to back up with the jitty. The dals are kicking off again.
38:39No, Hosley, that's not helpful!
38:41Just tell me, and don't piss out my back,
38:43did you feed one of your mates to Triple Pen
38:46and dump him in a river?
38:47No, I didn't dump Triple Pen in a river.
38:49Somebody stole him, didn't they?
38:51Oh, that's fucking convenient, isn't it?
38:52You shut your hole!
38:53You shut your hole!
38:55That croc's a son I never had!
38:57That was my brother!
38:58No!
38:58My fucking croc, brother!
38:59Just butt him your holes!
39:01Frank, if you're not dead,
39:04then whose arm was in the crocodile?
39:06Who else has your tattoo?
39:08Frank! I've been listening to my scanner!
39:10Mind the fucking pit, are you?
39:11Yeah, I can say that!
39:13No, not any!
39:15Them!
39:16What the fuck?
39:17What the fuck's going on, Colton?
39:18No, I have no idea.
39:19Frank McAllister, you're wanted in relation to the abduction of Emma Hurling and Ashford-Alberg.
39:23We know you're talking from the Dirt River Federal Station, Frank.
39:25What the fuck?
39:26No, detective, the cases aren't connected.
39:29The backpackers paid for his shopping,
39:30and they went in separate directions.
39:32I knew you'd come back to stitch me out for you.
39:35I'm fucking stitch you up.
39:36Put your weapons down and put your hands up where we can see them now.
39:41Frank!
39:42Come on, Frank!
39:42What?
39:43Run!
39:43Fuck off!
39:44No, no, no!
39:45I've got no suspects in the way to me!
39:46You've got no damage, Eddie!
39:47All teams with me!
39:48Go around this way!
39:49We'll cut him off!
39:50We'll cut him off!
39:50Eddie!
39:51Eddie!
39:51Let's go!
39:52Let's go!
39:52Let's go!
39:52Frank!
39:53You need to answer my questions!
39:54What happened to triple pen?
39:55Stop!
39:56This is annoying, Eddie!
39:57No, I'm getting on!
39:58I'm checking now!
39:59You can't come on!
40:00Piggy, shoot the boat!
40:02Get on!
40:02Get on!
40:04Get on!
40:05Get on!
40:06Get on!
40:06Get on!
40:06Get on!
40:06Get on!
40:06Callister!
40:07We have you surrounded!
40:08We have you surrounded!
40:09Surrender!
40:10Come on, Collins!
40:11OK, fine, but I will vomit!
40:13Ah, there's a splash in the water, Eddie!
40:15There's a big splash!
40:16It's probably a fuckin' bull shark!
40:17Let me see!
40:18There are bull sharks, too?
40:20Fuckin' famous!
40:21Jesus Christ!
40:23Ah!
40:24Get off the table!
40:25Everyone get on the boat!
40:26No, Bonnie!
40:27Get on the boat!
40:28I told you!
40:29My dad told you to fuck off!
40:30Yeah, well, your dad can suck my dick!
40:32Eddie!
40:33Get out!
40:34Did everyone just shush it?
40:36There's something definitely in the water here!
40:38What the fuck is that?
40:39I'm just kidding, he's fucking old shit!
40:41I'm bloody bread!
40:41I'm bloody bread!
40:42Shut the fuck up!
40:45Troy!
40:46Pull!
40:47Fuckin' flip it!
40:49Flip it!
40:50Flip it!
40:54Ah!
40:54Ah!
40:56Ah!
40:57Ah!
40:57Ah!
40:58Ah!
41:00Ah!
41:00Ah!
41:00Ah!
41:00Ah!
41:01Ah!
41:01Ah!
Comments