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00:25Welcome to Would I Lie To You, the show in which it pays to be economical with
00:30the truth. On Leemac's team tonight, a comedian, podcaster and star of Last One Laughing, it's
00:36Lou Sanders. And from YouTube to I'm a Celeb to here tonight, it's Nella Rose. And on David
00:50Mitchell's team tonight, a stand-up comic who is back for more, it's Nabil Abdul Rashid.
00:59And he's the face with the base, the charmer who's a farmer, it's Blur's Alex James.
01:09We begin with round one, Home Truths, where our panellists read out a statement from the
01:13card in front of them. To make things harder, they've never seen the card before, so they've
01:17no idea what they'll be faced with. It's up to the opposing team to sort the fact from
01:22the fiction. Lou, you're first up tonight. Oh, lovely. At a Blur gig, I threw one of my
01:28socks at my favourite band member, only for him to throw it back.
01:35David's team.
01:35Is your favourite Graham? Graham's my favourite.
01:38What's wrong with Damon?
01:40Nothing's wrong with Damon.
01:41That's not what you were saying back to Dave.
01:45Who is your favourite member of Blur that is here tonight?
01:50Oh, well, Alex, yeah. He's my favourite member now, but at the time I was a lot younger and
01:57I just went for looks.
02:03I went for bad boys at the time. Now, of course, like...
02:07Who's the bad boy of Blur?
02:08It's Damon Orban.
02:10Tell us about the sock-throwing incident.
02:12I just got excited. I was swinging it around, because I'm a laugh.
02:17And...
02:18Why were you swinging it around?
02:20Well, I changed my footwear to be more comfortable, because you can't wear, like, high heels at
02:24a gig. I was trying to make my friend laugh with this bit, because it's a sock, not underwear.
02:29Well, it is underwear, but it's not, like, the sexy stuff.
02:31I don't know. It is where I wear it.
02:32Oh!
02:34LAUGHTER
02:44You must show me how you did it.
02:46Well, let's have a go.
02:48Let's have a go.
02:49Let's have a go.
02:49Wait, are you trying this for the first time?
02:51No, the second time.
02:53Don't fold it just as it is.
02:55Wave it to the air.
02:55So, I'm about here.
02:58Right.
03:02Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
03:09Please let David pick it up.
03:11LAUGHTER
03:13I'm interested to see, David, if you have the strength to throw it back.
03:17All right.
03:17Oh, good.
03:19Get some real...
03:26I think it might be the least satisfying round of applause I've ever had.
03:31LAUGHTER
03:33Where was the gig, and when?
03:35I actually don't know, because it was a long time ago.
03:38Do people throw things at you on stage when you were in blur?
03:41I got cheese, mainly, yes, a lot of cheese.
03:44LAUGHTER
03:44Never saw a sock.
03:46OK, you'd arrived in high heels, right, and you changed into what?
03:51We were going to a day thing for my friend's birthday,
03:54and that was, like, a dressy lunch.
03:55Yeah.
03:55Then we were going to see Blair in the evening,
03:57and I had to change the shoes, and I put on some flat shoes.
04:01With which pair of shoes were the socks designed to go?
04:05With the heels.
04:06So, the heels were, like, booties.
04:08So, the socks go with high heels that are sort of boots.
04:11Yeah, booties.
04:11And so, cover the socks.
04:12Can you say booties?
04:13LAUGHTER
04:14I'd rather not, because I thought he's having to say that's for a baby.
04:18Were you a baby?
04:20I'm your little baby.
04:21Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
04:27Stop, Lou.
04:28Just stop, please.
04:29That's horrific.
04:31Please.
04:32Please.
04:33No.
04:35Alex, you're in a good position.
04:36You know what happens at gigs.
04:38I think it's a lovely, lovely load of rubbish.
04:42Nabil?
04:43I've never seen anyone throw socks, and I've been to some wild concerts as well.
04:47It's a lie.
04:49We'll go lie.
04:50OK.
04:50Lou, they think it's a lie.
04:51Was it a lie, or was it actually true?
04:53It was a lie, because you're the best-looking one!
05:02It's a lie, Lou didn't throw a sock at blur.
05:05Nabil, you're next.
05:10When I'm on the train, I like to predict which stop other passengers will get off at just by the
05:15way they look.
05:26I'm on the train, and I'm on the train, and there's a guy wearing a sock and sandals.
05:35You're saying Bethlehem?
05:39Bethlehem or Shoreditch, you know?
05:41Because it's...
05:43They both have gluten-free bread.
05:47I think your reference is to unleavened bread.
05:50But I don't think that's gluten-free.
05:52I think that's just not the reason.
05:54Because you remember that from back in the day, don't you?
05:56Well, that's right, Lou, because I'm several thousand years old.
06:00So give us some examples, Nabil.
06:02You're on a typical commute, what sort of people would you see, and where would they be going?
06:07I observe what they're eating, how they're moving, what they're doing, if they're very...
06:11What they're eating?
06:12If they're eating things like, you know, a couscous...
06:15Oh.
06:18You said if they're eating couscous.
06:21Have you ever been on a train?
06:24Yes!
06:24But also, what about if someone's going to visit a friend?
06:28Have you thought of that?
06:29People who eat couscous on the train don't have friends.
06:31I'll be silly.
06:33Where will they be going if they are eating couscous?
06:36They're going to Brighton.
06:37Or Hove.
06:39So can you remember the first person you guessed, whether you got it right or not?
06:43And did they stand up just before they got off and you thought there's a clue?
06:48No.
06:50Can you imagine him just people watching on a tube?
06:53I can't.
06:54I can't.
06:54Does anyone remember when, like, MI5 had the adverts which said,
06:59like, do you know where the person next to you is getting off?
07:01Yeah.
07:03MI5, we're asking people.
07:06Well, I don't remember that particular...
07:08Well, I actually remember that.
07:10...advert.
07:11What was the point of the MI5 advert, then?
07:14I think if you got it right, then you could join.
07:16I think it's a lie.
07:20Right, Lee's team, what do you think?
07:21He's lying, isn't he?
07:22Yeah, he's lying.
07:23Everybody say he's lying.
07:24He's a liar.
07:25He's lying rather than he's a liar.
07:27I mean...
07:27Yeah.
07:28Just to get a promise, not Judge Judy.
07:33They think it's a lie, Nabil.
07:34Was it a lie or were you telling the truth?
07:36It was true.
07:42Nabil does judge people on trains.
07:45Nella, you're next.
07:48OK.
07:51Until I saw one on I'm a Celebrity,
07:54I thought ostriches were mythical creatures.
07:58David's team, what was the context for seeing it on I'm a Celebrity?
08:02Um, so I think I was in, like, year eight or year nine,
08:05and it was the year that Ian Wright was thrown into the jungle.
08:10So this wasn't when you appeared on it?
08:11No, no, no.
08:11This is you as a viewer?
08:12This was me as a child.
08:14Ah, right.
08:15OK.
08:16They had him in, like, this house,
08:17and then at the end,
08:19it was like they shoved him in a room with a six-foot bird.
08:23It was an ostrich.
08:24And I was like,
08:26they're not real.
08:27And why is everybody, like, so normal about it?
08:30Because it's not normal.
08:31Yeah.
08:31Because if you was to see a six-foot rat,
08:33you would scream.
08:34Yeah.
08:34Can I just say,
08:35I absolutely love your nails,
08:37but I think you can have my eyes.
08:38Sorry!
08:42Sorry, but it's just, like,
08:44it just...
08:46It just doesn't make sense.
08:50But, yeah,
08:51I just remember thinking, like,
08:53this isn't...
08:54This isn't normal.
08:57It was an episode of I'm a Celebrity
08:59where Ian Wright had to go through several rooms,
09:02picking up stars.
09:04Yes.
09:04And then in the last room...
09:06There was an ostrich.
09:06There was an ostrich.
09:08How big's the room?
09:10Cutesy.
09:11You know?
09:11Not too big, not too small.
09:13You know, David.
09:14Cutesy.
09:15Not a large room.
09:17Not like a cathedral.
09:18No.
09:20I love the fact you do room sizes by Cutesy
09:22and you do them by cathedrals.
09:25Had you heard of emus?
09:27I research everything that petrifies me.
09:30I know about the emus,
09:31I know about the ostriches,
09:32I know about all them birds.
09:33Did you think emus were mythical?
09:34Come on, if I was...
09:37If I was to describe an ostrich to you...
09:39You look a bit like Rod Hull, do you?
09:40No!
09:41If I was to describe an ostrich to you,
09:44you wouldn't believe me.
09:45LAUGHTER
09:46LAUGHTER
09:49Had anyone ever shown you a picture?
09:52But I just wouldn't think it's real,
09:53cos what is that?
09:54What if one of those pictures had been a photograph?
09:57I've seen pictures of dinosaurs,
09:59I've never seen a dinosaur in real life.
10:01I swear you will not have seen a photograph of a dinosaur.
10:05LAUGHTER
10:07LAUGHTER
10:07David, what's your team going to say?
10:09I hold her in high esteem,
10:10I just don't think she'd be that stupid.
10:13LAUGHTER
10:14LAUGHTER
10:16Do you think it's a lie?
10:17I think so.
10:18I think we agree.
10:20You're going to say a lie?
10:20It might be true.
10:21OK.
10:22But you're saying lies.
10:23But we'll say lie,
10:24and then if it's true,
10:25we'll say,
10:25well, we did say that it might be true.
10:27LAUGHTER
10:27So, in a way, that's fine.
10:29Nella, they're saying it's a lie.
10:31Was it a lie,
10:31or was that all true?
10:33It was...
10:36bitchery.
10:36Oh!
10:39It's true.
10:40Nella, dictate ostriches from mythical creatures.
10:43Alex, you're up next.
10:47I once had to run for my life
10:49when my own animals turned on me.
10:52LAUGHTER
10:52It's Jurassic Park.
10:54Lee's team.
10:55How many different animals do you have on your farm?
10:58We've got cats, dogs, pigs, sheep, ducks,
11:02uh, sheeps, uh...
11:04More sheeps.
11:05LAUGHTER
11:05I mean, I'm not a farmer,
11:06but I know sheeps is not the plural of sheep.
11:08It is an alternative plural.
11:10Sheeps?
11:11Yep.
11:11I hate you.
11:13LAUGHTER
11:14Did you say loads of animals went for you,
11:17or just one type of animal?
11:19It was a pack of about two dozen steers.
11:23What steers?
11:24Steers are young bulls.
11:26Can I just take a moment to include,
11:28uh, Nella in the story as well?
11:29Just so you know, bulls are real.
11:31LAUGHTER
11:32I know that.
11:33You know that.
11:34Talk us through how it happened.
11:35I was going to the Chelsea Flower Show.
11:37Lovely.
11:37The elder was in blossom.
11:39Oh, what?
11:39The chaffinch was out.
11:41It was the first flush of spring.
11:42Right.
11:43The first flush of spring is when you at last go to the loo
11:45after the winter.
11:47LAUGHTER
11:48You've left the farm to go to the Chelsea Flower Show.
11:50And I put my Versace suit on.
11:52Ooh!
11:53My Chelsea boots,
11:54and there's literally a station
11:56at the bottom of the farm.
11:58Station Field.
11:59I got to Station Field,
12:00and they've moved the steers.
12:02They haven't told me.
12:02Who's they?
12:03The Cowboys.
12:04Dave and Neil.
12:05Dave and Neil, OK.
12:06They've moved the steers into Station Field.
12:08So I saw the steers in the far corner of the field,
12:11and I'd been briefed on what happens if the steers kick off.
12:16Oh, what's the brief?
12:17Run for it.
12:18That's a brief, is it?
12:20It's a brief, brief.
12:22There's the old watercress pond in the middle of the field...
12:25Yeah.
12:26..with a barbed wire fence around it.
12:28I got to the point of no return...
12:30Yes.
12:30..and they knew,
12:31and one of them kicked,
12:33one of them bucked,
12:34and suddenly they were all...
12:35Stampede!
12:36Stampeding.
12:37It was an actual stampede.
12:38It was an actual form.
12:38Was there any part of you, as a pop star,
12:41who was happy to be attracting the attention of the young?
12:46So where did you run to, Alex?
12:48I ran, and I managed to plant a hand on the post for the watercress,
12:53vaulted the barbed wire,
12:54up to my waist in muddy...
12:57..ourdeur.
12:58They were doing all that bull stuff.
12:59They were pouring.
13:03How did you get away?
13:05I got my phone out going,
13:06Neil, come and get me, please, quickly.
13:09He jumps in the pickup,
13:10tearing over the field,
13:11honking the horn.
13:12And then shoots the lot of them, yeah?
13:15Delicious.
13:15Yeah.
13:16I got my own back.
13:22Was the meat tender?
13:23Right, let's move on.
13:25One of their songs.
13:26No, they had a song called Tender, didn't you?
13:28We did indeed, yeah.
13:28Here we are.
13:29OK.
13:30Tender is the night.
13:33What do you think, Lou?
13:34Is he telling the truth?
13:35I just did that so you get royalties.
13:36Um...
13:37I think it has to be recognisable.
13:40Um...
13:43APPLAUSE
13:47What are you thinking?
13:48Nella, what do you reckon?
13:49I don't think he's lying at all.
13:50It's a very realistic story.
13:52I mean, Alex's physique,
13:54he does look like the kind of man
13:55that could outrun some steer.
13:57I think he's telling the truth.
13:59I'll go with my team and say that that is true.
14:01They think it's true, Alex.
14:02Was it true or was it a lie?
14:05It was...
14:07true.
14:07CHEERING
14:11It's true, Alex's animals did turn on him.
14:14Our next round is called This Is My,
14:16where we bring on a mystery guest
14:18who has a close connection to one of our panellists.
14:20This week, each of Lee's team will claim
14:23it's them that has the genuine connection to the guest.
14:25It's up to David's team to spot who's telling the truth.
14:28So please welcome this week's special guest, Craig.
14:33APPLAUSE
14:37So, Lee, what is Craig to you?
14:41This is Craig, and I've made two attempts
14:44to impress him in my life,
14:46and bringing him on the show is the third.
14:49Nella, how do you know Craig?
14:52So, This Is Craig, he's the teacher
14:54that I caught banking off school
14:55whilst I was banking off school.
14:58Finally, Lee, what is your relationship with Craig?
15:01This Is Craig, he had to say sorry to me
15:05after his driverless car
15:07took me on a 20-minute joyride.
15:10So there you have it.
15:12Lou's cool companion,
15:14Nella's skiving schoolteacher,
15:16or Lee's penitent pal.
15:18David, where will you begin?
15:19Er, Lou?
15:20Your little baby!
15:22LAUGHTER
15:25I absolutely love David's face
15:27when you say that.
15:29You've twice tried to impress Craig.
15:31Mm-mm.
15:32Jealous?
15:33LAUGHTER
15:37LAUGHTER
15:38LAUGHTER
15:39LAUGHTER
15:40LAUGHTER
15:41How have you tried to impress him?
15:43OK, it was when I was five,
15:44I think the first time was.
15:46That was when I had a party in my bedroom.
15:49I invited about six kids round,
15:53and I had a 50p budget
15:54and got him round so that I could kiss him
15:57because I'd seen it in the movies.
15:58You know him?
15:59He was in my class.
16:00Me and my friend Vicky planned it all
16:03and in the ante, he kissed Vicky.
16:05LAUGHTER
16:06So you said this party was on a 50p budget?
16:09Yes.
16:10Now, what do you get?
16:11I realise this was a little while ago.
16:13Yes.
16:13What do you get?
16:14Look at Craig.
16:14LAUGHTER
16:16What do you get for 50p?
16:18At Tangy Tom's, the crisps,
16:20you get, like, ten packets of them
16:22because they were 5p.
16:24Ten packets of crisps?
16:26One very young person there almost fainted.
16:29LAUGHTER
16:30What?!
16:30LAUGHTER
16:31How did a young Craig respond?
16:34Not an ideal response from Craig.
16:36There was a lot of focus on him
16:37and a lot of pressure on him,
16:40and...
16:40He wet himself.
16:42LAUGHTER
16:43Well, hang on, there's a lot of focus on him tonight.
16:46Is that why he's holding on like that?
16:49He didn't love it.
16:50Now, you said that you've tried to impress him twice.
16:53What was the second time?
16:55Er, second time probably two years after.
16:57So, PE, and I had got emerald green sparkly leotard and leggings.
17:03I knew that Craig didn't love me,
17:05but I knew that if he could see me in my leotard and leggings,
17:09he'd start to, sort of, get an idea.
17:13LAUGHTER
17:13You're saying you would be irresistible to him?
17:16LAUGHTER
17:16I think I had a headband and wristband as well.
17:19Right.
17:19So, what was everyone else wearing?
17:21Er, black shorts, white T-shirt.
17:23And you were all...
17:24All green, like Kermit the Frog.
17:27Now, all these years later...
17:29Yeah.
17:29..you're telling us you've invited him here to impress him?
17:32How have you kept in touch?
17:33The restraining order's finished.
17:36LAUGHTER
17:38A little thing called Instagram.
17:40What does he do now, Lou?
17:41What's his line of work?
17:43No, I don't know.
17:43Take an interest.
17:45LAUGHTER
17:46Who would you like to quiz next?
17:48Er, well, we'll ask Nella next.
17:50Nella, remind us of how you know Craig.
17:53So, he's the teacher I caught bunking off school
17:55the same day that I was bunking.
17:57Right.
17:57What school was this?
17:58St Mary's Church of England in Hendon.
18:01Oh, you went to school at Hendon as well?
18:02Yeah.
18:03What?
18:04Hi.
18:04Hi.
18:06Could you two get a room?
18:09LAUGHTER
18:09Thanks to me and David.
18:12LAUGHTER
18:14APPLAUSE
18:16Goodness me.
18:18It gets worse and worse and worse.
18:21That's what the reviews say.
18:23LAUGHTER
18:24Hey, Alex, fancy getting together?
18:27LAUGHTER
18:28What age are you at this point?
18:30I'm year 11.
18:32Year 11.
18:32Mm-hm.
18:33So, do you know what an auspice is by this point?
18:35LAUGHTER
18:36I do.
18:37And why are you bunking off school?
18:39Sometimes there'll be, like, a supply teacher.
18:42If the supply teacher was in the spot of where my teacher was supposed to be,
18:47I'm out.
18:48What did he teach?
18:49Geography.
18:50Come on, look at him, bless him.
18:52LAUGHTER
18:53LAUGHTER
18:54Now, you say you caught him bunking off.
18:57How did that happen?
18:58Imagine I'm walking to first period, pop my head in, I'm looking for Mr George,
19:02I'm seeing a supply teacher.
19:04Yeah.
19:04So I'm like, I don't need to be there.
19:06No.
19:06He doesn't even know what he's about to teach.
19:08So I'm thinking, Mr George's not here.
19:11Three period, might just pop next door and watch Twilight.
19:15There's a cinema next door to the school.
19:17It was like, boop, boop, cinema.
19:20What time of day is this, then?
19:22This is, like, nine.
19:25So there's a 9am screening of Twilight.
19:29And they're in there getting the popcorn going at sort of quarter to eight,
19:33I imagine, just for the big 9am rush on a weekday in term time.
19:40There are screenings that are that early, then.
19:42I want to know when Craig enters the story.
19:44Right, so then, movie's just amazing,
19:48because you know when you read the book
19:49and then you expect the movie to be, like, really, really...
19:51As I say, when does Craig get into the story?
19:54So, basically, I'm in there, I'm watching the movie,
19:57till this day I go to the cinema by myself, favourite activity.
20:00When did Craig get into the story?
20:04The movie's over, the lights come on,
20:07and I see Mr George.
20:10So wait, he skyped work and then went somewhere,
20:14next door to where he works.
20:16Yeah!
20:17So, did you say hello?
20:20I popped my blazer up like this,
20:22and scurried off.
20:24Did you say anything?
20:25No, I just looked at him like this.
20:27But he knew?
20:28Yeah, he knew that I knew.
20:31Now, what about Lee?
20:34Lee, remind us of how you know Craig.
20:37This is Craig.
20:37He had to say sorry to me after his driverless car
20:40took me on a 20-minute joyride.
20:43Sadly, we have no more time for questions.
20:47Where are we?
20:48We are in London, near Victoria.
20:51Near Victoria Station.
20:53Or near my wife.
20:56I'm sorry, Lou.
20:58Baby's got a wife.
21:00What happened?
21:03This is Craig, and he had to say sorry to me
21:07after his driverless car took me on a 20-minute joyride.
21:11I wasn't aware we had driverless cars in London.
21:14We don't have driverless cars in London, correct.
21:17They are now starting to try to sell them,
21:19hence me agreeing to look at one for him.
21:23OK.
21:24His company's in Victoria,
21:25and we started there,
21:27and we drove this car
21:29on the back of his big pickup truck
21:31to a test track just outside London.
21:33Well, I'm glad you included the Victoria bit of the story.
21:37Why not?
21:38Her story started when she was five.
21:40I thought I could go back an hour.
21:42So, you get in, and what happens?
21:44So, I get in the car.
21:46Front or back?
21:48Oh, Lee!
21:50Why don't you buy me your drink first, Rob,
21:51and we'll discuss it later.
21:54In the back, obviously.
21:55In the back.
21:56It had been programmed already with my name,
21:58so it said,
21:59Hello, Lee,
22:00but I knew it wasn't committed
22:01because the lilt of the Lee was wrong.
22:03It sort of went,
22:03Hello, Lee.
22:06Where can I take you?
22:09And what did you say?
22:10Dogging.
22:14I said,
22:15is it all right?
22:16Forget the dogging.
22:21That's what I meant.
22:21What did you think I meant?
22:26Unfortunately,
22:27because I'm quite inquisitive,
22:28I started pressing buttons,
22:30and I'd pressed the previous setting,
22:32which was to go to a shopping centre,
22:35like, 20 minutes from the track.
22:37So, it started going through the gate
22:39of the test track,
22:40then I realised we're now on a proper road.
22:42I should have known,
22:43because if I'd have looked behind me,
22:44I'd have seen him going.
22:47I was trapped,
22:48and I was frightened.
22:49I don't mind telling you.
22:50And you didn't ring Craig?
22:53I don't think I did ring Craig,
22:54no.
22:55Why not?
22:56I did ring Craig,
22:57yes.
22:58And I said,
22:59I've been kidnapped by your car.
23:00What did he say?
23:02He told me how to talk it back.
23:03He said,
23:04you need to say sorry.
23:09To you, Craig,
23:10or to the car?
23:10And he said,
23:11no, to me.
23:12I said,
23:13I'm sorry, Craig.
23:13Right, well,
23:14now I'll tell you,
23:14because he was livid.
23:15Right.
23:16I did the manual button bit,
23:18press, press, press,
23:19and within a second,
23:20it said,
23:21back to the test track type thing.
23:22Why did he have to apologise to you?
23:25It's your fault.
23:26You tampered with the buttons.
23:28Because it should be foolproof.
23:30I'm sure that's what he was using you to check.
23:34We need an answer.
23:36So,
23:37is Craig
23:38Lou's cool companion,
23:41Nella's skiving school teacher,
23:43or Lee's penitent pal?
23:45Have you ever heard of
23:46Twilight screening at 9 o'clock in the morning?
23:48It seems a bit early to me.
23:50But then,
23:51what about Lou's business?
23:55Well,
23:56could Lou be sort of
23:57a kind of obsessive,
23:58sort of delusional,
23:59yet predatory figure,
24:02even from early childhood?
24:05Yes.
24:07So,
24:08I think,
24:08there is no doubt in my mind
24:09that Lou's story
24:10could be true.
24:12David,
24:13time to decide.
24:14Right.
24:15We're all going to say
24:15one of those three people's names
24:17at the count of three
24:18as one,
24:19and then work out what we've said.
24:21One,
24:22two,
24:22three,
24:23Lou.
24:23No, me.
24:24What?
24:27That was Lee saying,
24:28Did you say,
24:29what did you say?
24:30I didn't say Lee.
24:31You said Lee.
24:31You said Lee.
24:32What are you doing?
24:33I didn't say Lee.
24:33I didn't say Lee.
24:33I didn't say Lee.
24:34You think it's Lee.
24:34I just don't.
24:36You don't know.
24:36You're saying to your,
24:37I know it can be a bit much,
24:39this process.
24:41Come on,
24:41David,
24:42it's time to decide.
24:43Do you see the problem I am?
24:44Yes.
24:45The advice I need.
24:47But you say,
24:48you're never.
24:48You're not getting the advice
24:49you want.
24:50I said Lee,
24:50and you said no.
24:51Well,
24:51he said never.
24:53You want me to say Lee?
24:54That's what you're asking me to do.
24:56On television.
24:58Jamie,
25:00we're going Lou.
25:02The consultation process is over.
25:05We're going Lou.
25:07You're saying Lou.
25:09Craig,
25:10would you please reveal your true identity?
25:13I'm Craig,
25:14and this is Lou's third attempt.
25:20Yes,
25:22Craig is Lou's cool companion.
25:24Thank you very much, Craig.
25:28APPLAUSE
25:32Which brings us to our final round,
25:34Pitfire Lives,
25:35and we start with...
25:37It's...
25:38Lou.
25:40I'm struggling to bond with my new dog,
25:42because his woof sounds just like my ex-boyfriend's cough.
25:46LAUGHTER
25:47David's team.
25:48Your most recent ex-boyfriend?
25:50Yeah.
25:50When did you split up?
25:51About two years ago,
25:53but I love my life.
25:54What was his name?
25:56Jack.
25:57Jack.
25:57Jack Russell.
26:00What is the dog's name?
26:01You're going to make fun of me,
26:02but he is called Rover.
26:05Really?
26:06Yeah.
26:07What sort of dog?
26:08It is a Jack Russell.
26:10It is a Jack Russell.
26:12It is a Jack Russell.
26:14Just a little quiet word.
26:15Don't push it.
26:18LAUGHTER
26:18So you've got a Jack Russell...
26:21Called Rover.
26:22Called Rover.
26:23LAUGHTER
26:24How long have you had the dog?
26:27Not long, six months.
26:28And how long did it take you to notice the haunting echo of Jack's cough?
26:33My friend Claire pointed out,
26:35because I didn't even notice and now I can't unhear it.
26:37Your friend Claire said...
26:40Yeah.
26:40I tell you what,
26:41that dog's bark is really like...
26:43Do you remember Jack?
26:44You know, the one who broke your heart,
26:46the love of your life,
26:47didn't work out.
26:49Do you remember his cough?
26:51LAUGHTER
26:52Just to clarify this,
26:54I'm going to ask you to do an impression of Jack,
26:57your ex-lover.
26:58Yeah.
26:58And then an impression of Rover.
27:01So first of all,
27:03Jack the boyfriend.
27:04Yeah.
27:05Go.
27:05You're not meeting my mum,
27:07why do you need to meet my mum?
27:08No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
27:10No, his cough, the cough.
27:12The cough.
27:12The cough.
27:13The cough.
27:16So, the cough of the boyfriend.
27:19Oh, my.
27:20Oh, my.
27:21OK.
27:22Now, the bark of the dog.
27:24Oh, my.
27:25Oh, my.
27:26Virtually indistinguishable.
27:29Let's have the cough of the boyfriend again.
27:31Oh, my.
27:32Bark of the dog.
27:33Oh.
27:35Oh, my.
27:36It's a different.
27:37It's a different.
27:37Cough of the boyfriend.
27:38Cough.
27:40Bark of the dog.
27:41Cough.
27:42They're getting more and more different, actually.
27:45I didn't train at Radha.
27:48What did you do there?
27:52What were you thinking?
27:54I don't think it's true.
27:55OK.
27:56Nabil?
27:56I've never heard a dog bark like that.
27:59Alex?
28:00I've heard a sheep cough like that.
28:04They think it's a lie.
28:06Look at that.
28:06OK, Lou.
28:06Was it a lie, or were you telling the truth?
28:09Obviously, it was a lie.
28:14Yes, it's a lie.
28:15Lou's dog doesn't sound like her ex.
28:19That noise signals time is up, and it's the end of the show.
28:22I can reveal that David's team has won by four points to two.
28:27APPLAUSE
28:30Thanks for watching.
28:31We'll see you next time.
28:32Good night.
28:35APPLAUSE
28:36Outro music.
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