- 28 minutes ago
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00:02It's you!
00:03Why not roll out an entire campaign with the both of you?
00:07It's better than the plan!
00:09It is real, it is raw, it is clickable.
00:11When I was married, I had an affair with the neighbor next door.
00:15What was that?
00:17The high life is me translating dirty talk
00:20for some horny Spanish wunderkind.
00:22I'm going to break my face between your ears.
00:24Clearly a slice of sadness to this wedding.
00:27Her and Abe are absolutely perfect together.
00:30You wouldn't believe it.
00:31Then why is she crying?
00:32I miss you. I thought about you all the time.
00:35You're not good for me.
00:36And because of that, I think it's probably best
00:38that we just see each other around.
00:40And you know I'll do anything to make you happy.
00:43I need you to sell the house.
00:44I don't think I can do that.
00:48Let's talk wedding venues.
00:51I thought we agreed on the hotel in Dorset.
00:53Ah, yes.
00:54So, turns out it was already booked
00:57by our hashtag sick bride in cancer remission.
01:01Understandably, it was a light pencil.
01:03How do we feel about castles?
01:06There's one here with a functioning moat
01:08and a Red Bull sponsorship.
01:10Does it have a lift?
01:12Mmm.
01:13We will look into that.
01:14Yes.
01:15Yeah.
01:15Okay, moving on.
01:18Hendoo!
01:19We're thinking immersive, live-streamed,
01:23head-mounted GoPro.
01:25You bring the viewer with you.
01:28But isn't it a spa day?
01:29I mean, massages, robes, bit of tequila.
01:33We are three months away from the wedding.
01:35We need to ramp it up.
01:37And put ramps everywhere for you.
01:40So, our goal is to break one mill by the end of the honeymoon.
01:44We're in the room right next door, aren't we, Olivia?
01:46Yes.
01:47Yes.
01:48That's good.
01:48Now, do you mind if I take a quick boomerang
01:51of you having one of these lovely vickies?
01:58That's brilliant.
02:10Oh, good.
02:11A hard launch for toast.
02:14Maybe you should tag the eggs.
02:16Well, I'm just keeping up with the brief, but, uh, message received.
02:21No, no, let's commit.
02:22Give the people what they really want.
02:25Gritty, disabled realism.
02:27Huh?
02:28Okay.
02:29No, no, no.
02:29Poster reel of you and Ty deadlifting me into the shower.
02:32Yeah.
02:33Or a house tour.
02:35Yeah?
02:36Here's where I can't reach anything.
02:38Here's the ramp that wants me dead.
02:41Here's upstairs.
02:42Oh, I've never been.
02:45I hear you.
02:47You could have an entire third family up there, and I wouldn't even know it.
02:53I'm going to talk to Jane about further renovations.
02:57Okay?
03:00I'm sorry.
03:02I love you.
03:06Yes, obviously.
03:07Yes.
03:09Renewal.
03:10Resurgence.
03:11Rebirth.
03:12Like a caterpillar from a cocoon.
03:14Except it's not a cocoon.
03:16It's a womb.
03:17Your womb.
03:19You are emerging from yourself.
03:24Yeah, well, I can cut you some handslets, but only if you feel ready to receive them.
03:31Right, and this is definitely the fabric.
03:34It does look a little like she's been excreted.
03:38Well, technically, it's a transitional membrane designed for hibernate and zoo snakes, but yes.
03:43Hmm.
03:44And, um, how does she go backwards in this thing?
03:48Is it a series of three-point turns, or why would anyone want to go backwards in this life?
03:54Hmm.
03:54Bean, it really is so creative.
03:57I just don't know if it's giving me, um, wedding dress.
04:02You hate it.
04:04Oh.
04:06That means it's working.
04:07Are you scared of the dress's disruptive potential, or your own?
04:12Ooh.
04:15Hmm.
04:16I'm sorry.
04:17I-I-I just...
04:18I just don't know if it's THE dress.
04:22It's not THE dress.
04:25Because there is no dress.
04:28There is just evolution.
04:30Transition and expansion.
04:33Gestation and expulsion.
04:36That is marriage.
04:40Mm.
04:41Mm.
04:42Mm.
04:44Mm.
04:51Yes.
04:52Mm.
04:54Yeah.
04:54I think it's some of my finest work.
05:11What did he say?
05:17Uh, he said that he wants to feel your wet bikini bottoms, but, like, not wet from the pool.
05:22What?
05:23Uh, yeah, no, it's... they're convoluted.
05:26Alright, well, tell him he needs to make them wet, then.
05:28Tienes que esforzarte más.
05:29Más?
05:30Más.
05:30Sí.
05:35Te voy a subir a mi habitación.
05:36Y vas a bailar desnuda en mi boca.
05:42What did he say?
05:45Uh, sorry, uh, that... he wants you to, uh, stand on his face or something.
05:51Tienes que...
05:52We'll tell him I'll dominate him all night long and I won't stop until he begs me.
05:56Ah...
05:56Ha...
05:58Ha...
05:58Yo.. Yo, ¿qué?
06:01Um...
06:01Eh...
06:01Dice que le gusta el pegging.
06:05El pegging?
06:06Pegging?
06:06No.
06:07No, no, el...
06:08A ver, ¿cómo que el pegging?
06:09Espera, no.
06:09Qué bueno.
06:10Wait, I need you here with me, like the pegging that I'm not.
06:12You're fine, you're fine. Just ask Alexa.
06:22I'll get it!
06:26No means no, Jo.
06:27I'm here for Freya.
06:30Hen stuff.
06:41Actually, do you have a minute?
06:44Can we talk, like privately, like in your room?
06:49No, no, no. Better with witnesses. Less chance of an emotional drive-by.
06:53Is that my shirt?
06:55No, this is just a common men's shirt. From shirts.com.
07:00Fine. I'll be out of your hair suit anyway. I'm moving to New York.
07:06Uh, yeah, a couple of months ago, whilst I was drunk and, um, on antibiotics,
07:12I supposedly applied for this writing program in New York and I got in and, um, yeah.
07:19It's, it's kind of legit, so.
07:23Yeah, you know, there's not much keeping me here, so maybe, maybe it's time for a change.
07:31Well, thank you for the big press release and now, if you don't mind, I'm actually preparing for a job
07:35interview.
07:43Good luck telling Freya that you're abandoning her again.
07:52Jo! The leaves are almost here!
07:55Hey, you party ready?
07:58Oh, here we are, ladies!
08:02Woo! This is it!
08:04Ooh, reveal!
08:05Perfect for post-game dippy-dees, ladies.
08:08I am into this deranged gingerbread house.
08:12Woo!
08:14Love this!
08:15Love the gargoyles!
08:18I know!
08:18Very Snow White shoes.
08:21Oh!
08:37Who are these people?
08:39These are your hens!
08:41It's a small export of our amazing clients!
08:45Of course.
08:46Yeah.
08:47Are we supposed to be wearing those?
08:49Yes, we are, darling.
08:51Mm-hmm.
08:52Bought them from Vinted.
08:54Thought it'd be gay to wear them.
08:55Gay as in fun.
08:57We're bringing it back.
08:58Is that blood?
09:00Yes.
09:01Yes, it is.
09:04Oh.
09:08It's a little early to be drinking, isn't it?
09:12Why are they here?
09:14Please get them out of my house.
09:16Ah, you see, in my defence, it is our house,
09:19and I would like to store my books in my section of our attic.
09:23Okay?
09:25All right.
09:26I'm just sorry they're not selling.
09:28Oh, they are selling.
09:29They're flying off the shelves.
09:30They're talking about doing a second print run
09:32with all the five-star reviews
09:33in a sex positive forward by Gillian Anderson.
09:36Happy you're getting the recognition you deserve.
09:41I'm just sampling wines for the wedding.
09:43Uh-huh.
09:43Listen, I genuinely had no idea you were going to take this that badly.
09:48I'm not taking it anything.
09:49I'm taking it like an absolute stud.
09:51Are you?
09:52Yeah.
09:53I was just drafting my own memoir in my head.
09:55I think I'm going to call it, um,
09:57Why the Flying Fuck Didn't I Divorce Her Sooner?
10:00Or something.
10:02Guaranteed bestseller.
10:05And we are live, girlies!
10:07And we have 23 brave beautiful viewers already.
10:10Ooh!
10:11Yes!
10:11Well, let's crack on with the games, I reckon.
10:15These hens are not free range.
10:17They're on hourly rates.
10:19Wait, they're being paid to be here?
10:21And as PA of Honour, a.k.a. Party Architect,
10:25Yay!
10:26Come on!
10:26I'd like to introduce our very first game!
10:30It's called Mr. and Mrs.
10:32And it is the ultimate compatibility quiz.
10:35All right?
10:36Jo, would you like to do the honours?
10:39Okay.
10:41Who is Abe's celebrity crush?
10:45Um...
10:46Emily Blunt?
10:47Emily Blunt.
10:49Shall we find out?
10:50Yeah.
10:51Hello, ladies.
10:53Right, celebrity crush.
10:54I'm going to say...
10:57It's Nigella Lawson.
10:59Especially the Christmas special,
11:01where she basted that turkey that was...
11:04Hypnotic.
11:06That was wrong, Freya.
11:07So, actually, you know what you need to do?
11:10You need to have one of these!
11:15Who said, I love you first?
11:17Oh, okay, that one's easy.
11:19Yeah.
11:19Him.
11:20100%.
11:20Oh, it was...
11:23Magical.
11:24Couldn't stop looking at her.
11:25And then she said those three little words.
11:28I love you.
11:30It's another wrong answer, Freya.
11:33So, uh...
11:34Bucken up!
11:37Do you even know this story?
11:38Do you even know this story?
11:39Yeah, baby, for a moment!
11:42I mean, it's really not fair.
11:44Have you even read my book?
11:46Oh, have you written a book?
11:47Because, in the end, if you get to the last chapter,
11:50I say I actually really loved our marriage.
11:53So much talk of marriage.
11:55Can't stop writing about it, can't stop talking about it.
11:57It's all a ickle bit jealous.
11:58Fuck off!
11:59Fuck right!
12:00You couldn't pay me to be in a committed relationship right now.
12:03There's just so much compromise, isn't there?
12:04I mean, look at you!
12:05Who even are you?
12:07You hate rosé.
12:08Turns out it just has to be good rosé.
12:11Don't believe you!
12:12If you're going to be this...
12:12Right, right, right.
12:13OK.
12:14What is going on?
12:15All of this yelling while I'm trying to have a wank
12:17is giving me weird childhood flashbacks, alright?
12:19So I'm going to need you to tone it down
12:21if I'm going to stand any chance of getting anything done up there.
12:24Sorry.
12:26Hmm. That is quite good, actually.
12:27I know, right?
12:28Wait, sorry, why are you day drinking?
12:29Because your father...
12:31is trying to squeeze himself into this new life,
12:35one drink at a time.
12:37OK, well, that's weird.
12:39Don't make a habit out of it, either of you.
12:41Well, if you are going to do another lap around the marital track...
12:45Marriage again.
12:46Might I give you some notes?
12:47Ooh, OK, this is actually far more interesting
12:49than the porn I was watching,
12:50so I'm going to grab a pew.
12:53This time maybe don't cry quite so much during the vows.
12:56I mean, it's not that it wasn't tremendously touching, it was.
12:59But people really just...
13:02want to go for a piss and have a glass of Prosecco.
13:04Really don't need wedding day notes.
13:07Especially not from the woman who insisted on choreographing
13:10our ridiculous first dance.
13:12Ridiculous?
13:15Oh, remember?
13:17Post-traumatic dance disorder.
13:21This is before anyone else did it, right?
13:23Sure.
13:24Because you're getting...
13:25Wow.
13:26Mum's already going.
13:27Feeling limber, Dad?
13:32OK.
13:36So this was professionally choreographed, was it?
13:41OK.
13:43You keep saying OK.
13:45Yeah.
13:46Oh, I'm round.
13:50One, two...
13:51Whoa!
13:52Whoa!
13:53You always used to trip me there.
13:54You on every single time.
13:57This is nice, isn't it?
13:58Look at you.
13:59It's almost like Lindsay Lohan was right to pair and trap hers back together.
14:01Back together.
14:03Sorry, have you not read my chapter on bonobos?
14:04Yeah, I'm waiting for the audiobook.
14:06No, I think we're both perfectly happy with where we are now.
14:09Absolutely.
14:11Really?
14:12You're OK that Sam's death, you know, broke things between you?
14:22Well, I think it's a little bit more complex than that.
14:27But, er...
14:28Yeah, sometimes life throws more storm at you than you're prepared for.
14:32And I think we wish we'd weathered it differently.
14:35But...
14:36We accept the wreckage.
14:37I mean...
14:38It has a kind of charm.
14:42Bug.
14:47If you learn anything from us,
14:49don't let life's mess
14:51get in the way of what really matters.
14:55Yeah, you've got to embrace the mess.
14:59Actually, um...
15:00Did I say that I had to...
15:02That there was, um...
15:03I had to...
15:04Bye!
15:08One more time?
15:10Fuck no.
15:10Tell us about losing your V-card.
15:16Why don't we take a little quick break?
15:19Like some...
15:19A little sig or...
15:21Come on, at least tell us the age.
15:22We've got hundreds of followers now.
15:24They want deets.
15:25They want positions.
15:27Oh, yes!
15:27Woo!
15:28So, you don't have to.
15:29Cherry bum!
15:31Cherry bum!
15:32Cherry bum!
15:34Cherry bum!
15:35I don't have to.
15:35Cherry bum!
15:37Cherry bum!
15:38Fine! Sure!
15:39Yeah!
15:40It was just before my 16th birthday.
15:43I was ridiculously in love.
15:45Oh!
15:46Everyone thought we were going to be together forever.
15:50And then I had my accident and became tetraplegic.
15:55And then I went into rehab for a year
15:59to relearn everything that I knew about my body and the world.
16:04And then one night he snuck into rehab and we had sex.
16:13It wasn't really the first time I imagined.
16:16Um, but we were in love.
16:20And then he never called me again.
16:26Ahem.
16:29Ahem.
16:30Ahem.
16:31Ahem.
16:326pm already?
16:33Oh!
16:33Well, ah, put your hands together for...
16:38RIPDESA!
16:39Ah!
16:40Ah!
16:42Ah!
16:43Ah!
16:46Ah!
16:48Ah!
16:49Ah!
16:50Ah!
16:51Ah!
16:51Ah!
16:51Ah!
16:51Ah!
16:54Ah!
16:55Ah!
16:56Ah!
16:58Ah!
17:01Oh!
17:03Ah!
17:06Ah!
17:06Well you're not pensezy!
17:09Ya!
17:13Ah!
17:15Ah!
17:15Ah!
17:18Oh my God.
17:20Ah!
17:34You want to add him on social, how extraordinary, I'm hot, fucking door, jesus christ, you crazy, yes, crazy is
17:48my brand, come on, you can't be here,
17:50don't go to New York,
18:07stop, stop, stop it, sorry crypties dan, full respect, I can't do this, I'm tired of being scheduled and sponsored
18:18and streamed,
18:19I've had enough, you know, and I can't ignore the fact that I'm completely incompatible with my fiancee, you know
18:25what I want to do, yeah I want to go swimming, yeah but I can't because I'm terrified of fucking
18:31water since I became disabled,
18:34is that the content you want, huh, because this whole hairdo and sponsored wedding is so fucking late,
18:43oh no, what, okay I'm confused, I want to do it all with you, especially the mess,
18:51mess, mess, okay now I'm getting mixed signals, I, fuck, um,
18:56Joe, are you there, Joe, Joe, I need to talk to you,
19:01this is definitely the best one, oh,
19:04Jane,
19:05fuck, maybe it was that one,
19:07Jane,
19:09what,
19:10I'm ready,
19:11to sell the house,
19:14oh,
19:17oh, wow,
19:20okay,
19:22and I want to say sorry,
19:25for holding on,
19:28I think I just needed to,
19:33you know,
19:36let go in stages,
19:38yeah, I mean, it's funny, I mean,
19:39I've been waiting for this moment for years,
19:41but now it's actually here,
19:43I feel a bit,
19:55we will always be family,
20:00you know,
20:03and I really,
20:06honestly,
20:08couldn't be more happy for you and Freya,
20:14to the future,
20:16to my sequel,
20:17ballsack,
20:19I need to pee,
20:20and I need to say this,
20:22I think maybe actually I've just been scared that I wouldn't find anyone else,
20:25which is essentially internalized ableism,
20:27right,
20:27and probably not the best reason to be getting married,
20:29maybe we should talk somewhere else,
20:31I hate how everyone acts,
20:33like I'm so lucky to have him,
20:35you know,
20:36like it's infantilizing,
20:37I don't need to be taken care of,
20:41right,
20:41I want to fuck in Paris,
20:43Freya,
20:43Freya,
20:43as your PA of honor,
20:45I've watched you and Abe very closely,
20:48and that's love, man,
20:52also,
20:53if you ever need a sorry guy,
20:54I do sincerely hope it's me,
20:56oh,
20:56too far,
20:57Ty,
20:57fair enough,
20:59oh,
21:01my God,
21:02I need to talk to Abe,
21:03yeah,
21:04I have to tell him to come here,
21:05what,
21:05here,
21:06now,
21:06yeah,
21:07here,
21:07now,
21:09okay,
21:09er,
21:12the condom company,
21:13yeah,
21:13pulled out,
21:14for God's sake,
21:14well,
21:14of course they were going to pull out,
21:16well,
21:16not like that,
21:16but do you know what I mean,
21:17well,
21:17I think I'm going to have a panic attack,
21:19absolute nightmare,
21:20oh,
21:20Olivia,
21:21Olivia,
21:22I think I've finally found my voice,
21:24well,
21:24no,
21:25you're not finding your voice,
21:26darling,
21:26because our sponsors have pulled out,
21:28haven't they,
21:29in your impassioned speech,
21:31but I was just being honest,
21:32you called the entire sponsored wedding,
21:36lame,
21:36lame,
21:37on camera,
21:39the online disabled community,
21:41they are currently dragging you,
21:42yeah,
21:43for being grossly ableist,
21:44you're trending,
21:46in a bad way,
21:47they're dragging your ass,
21:48you're cancelled,
21:49rip,
21:50RIP,
21:51she means,
21:52fuck,
21:52I never say that,
21:54I never say that,
21:55you did say it,
21:55didn't you,
21:56you did,
21:56you did,
21:56you said it,
21:57didn't you,
21:57yeah,
21:58so,
21:58we have to send a big fat apology,
22:00yeah,
22:00we've got to live stream it,
22:02yeah,
22:02a big donation,
22:04children in need,
22:05we're thinking,
22:06Patsy bear,
22:06might work,
22:07yeah,
22:08suck on that,
22:08you're going to need it,
22:09okay,
22:10Levi,
22:10gosh,
22:11these women only identifying spaces are incredible,
22:13I mean,
22:14the heat of the world,
22:15sorry,
22:15sorry,
22:15I love you too,
22:18um,
22:21I feel like maybe we're not good for each other,
22:23maybe we're,
22:24maybe we're too fucked up,
22:26yes,
22:27maybe,
22:28but also,
22:29maybe,
22:29what if,
22:30we are the type of fucked up,
22:32that fits,
22:34because,
22:36every time I'm with you,
22:37I feel,
22:38a little bit less broken,
22:40and I also feel,
22:42consistently,
22:43turned on,
22:47I'm just trying to get my life together,
22:49and,
22:51I need someone,
22:53that you can rely on,
22:54yeah,
22:55exactly,
22:56me too,
22:56um,
22:57we both need each other,
22:59so,
22:59uh,
22:59why don't you,
23:00just for once,
23:01please,
23:02please,
23:02just stay,
23:23I just think,
23:24tie,
23:25straddling a half-naked man,
23:26using a wheelchair,
23:28I thought this was a spa day,
23:34Ape,
23:34I need to say something,
23:35and I just need you to listen,
23:36okay,
23:38okay,
23:39we lost the sponsorship,
23:41I accidentally said the L word,
23:42on the live stream,
23:44what,
23:45lesbian,
23:46not quite,
23:48um,
23:48but,
23:49the Olivias think that they can fix it,
23:50okay,
23:51good,
23:52I just don't know if I do want to fix it,
23:55Abe,
23:56I'm so tired of saying yes,
24:00to everything,
24:01to,
24:02to,
24:04that I have to be grateful for every single opportunity,
24:07just because I'm a wheelchair user,
24:08I want to fuck in Paris,
24:10with you,
24:13okay,
24:15unexpected turn,
24:17not unwelcome,
24:18but I think maybe this wedding is just happening too fast,
24:22hmm,
24:24I'm more than happy to postpone it,
24:27certainly happy to lose the,
24:30friendship,
24:30you know,
24:32I just want to marry you,
24:35properly,
24:38told Jane I was ready to sell the house,
24:41but really,
24:43yeah,
24:46thought we could find ourselves,
24:47a nice little new build,
24:51you know,
24:52fully accessible,
24:53you wouldn't have to worry about anything,
24:58I just want to take care of you,
25:06but I don't want that,
25:11actually I think,
25:16maybe I just need a bit of time,
25:18yeah,
25:18well,
25:20we'll postpone,
25:22time from us,
25:29sorry,
25:29that's not what I was expecting to say,
25:33I love you,
25:34I love you so much,
25:36it's just been a really weird time,
25:39and I don't know,
25:41it's okay,
25:41it's okay,
25:43I'm sorry,
25:47I'm sorry,
25:48you take your time,
25:51are you okay,
26:04Freya,
26:06Freya,
26:07hey,
26:10hey,
26:11there you are,
26:14are you okay,
26:19I think I just broke up with Abe,
26:21I think I just broke up with Abe,
26:23shit,
26:26I'm so sorry,
26:27how did he take it,
26:31mature and lovingly,
26:32which made it even worse,
26:36I'm so sorry,
26:37hey,
26:39listen,
26:40I'm here,
26:42don't worry,
26:44we got this,
26:46together,
26:47please,
26:48I never needed you,
26:51gross,
26:54not even a little,
26:55good,
26:57I definitely don't need you,
26:59I don't need you,
27:06can I get you help with something,
27:08yeah,
27:10it's all right,
27:12it's European air,
27:16I swear it does,
27:19randomly I'm grateful for,
27:23grateful for all the night,
27:27solemn night walker,
27:31concrete over,
27:33water,
27:38I think you remind me of the night,
27:43but also of the day,
27:47I think of Italy,
27:49champagne,
27:52I think of Spain,
28:01I don't want to be alone,
28:06I don't want to be alone,
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