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00:24Good evening, welcome to Would I Lie To You,
00:27the show with naked truths and well-dressed lies.
00:30On David Mitchell's team tonight,
00:32she puts the personality in TV personality.
00:36It's Holly Willoughby.
00:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:40And Olympian, gladiator, she is on fire.
00:45It's Montel Douglas.
00:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:50And on Lee Mack's team tonight,
00:52a stand-up comedian and Taskmaster star, it's John Kearns.
00:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:59And an award-winning actor and filmmaker,
01:02it's only David Morrissey.
01:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:08So, to round one, home truths,
01:11where our panellists read out a statement from the card in front of them.
01:14To make things harder, they've never seen the card before.
01:17They have no idea what they'll be faced with.
01:19It's up to the opposing team to sort the fact from the fiction.
01:23David, your first up.
01:26Oh, my commitment to preparing for a part
01:28once ruined a romantic weekend away.
01:32LAUGHTER
01:32Ooh, David's team.
01:33So, what was the role?
01:35Like a chef in a kitchen,
01:37so I had to familiarise myself with all that.
01:40At which stage of your, may I say, fairly fated career?
01:44LAUGHTER
01:44It's lovely to have some class on that side.
01:46Thank you very much.
01:47I mean, that's fine for me, but pointed at a new guy...
01:50LAUGHTER
01:50It's a bit harsh, Rob.
01:52I will say...
01:52You can say to the regulars, but not the new guy who's just come and gone.
01:56Will it be fun? Yes.
01:58Rob's opening line is, it's nice to have some class,
02:00apart from them two.
02:01LAUGHTER
02:02I will say, with you, Sandman, you do look like three solicitors
02:07on a team-building weekend.
02:09LAUGHTER
02:09And you're allowed to wear fun shirts, but you didn't get the email.
02:14LAUGHTER
02:15So, David, which stage of your wonderful career was this?
02:18It was a film I did in the late 90s. It was called Some Voices.
02:22And you were playing a chef.
02:23The director was very precise about what he wanted,
02:27so he wanted to see my hands chopping vegetables and stuff
02:32and then come up to my face.
02:33And he said, it's got to be in this one shot.
02:36And my wife at the time and I had booked a romantic weekend away.
02:41Where were you taking her?
02:42It was, like, some hotel somewhere.
02:44Some hotel somewhere.
02:45And you say she was your wife then, and I think it's...
02:49LAUGHTER
02:49It's all falling into place, isn't it?
02:52LAUGHTER
02:53And, er, I phoned ahead and said, could I work in your kitchen?
02:57Could I work in your kitchen?!
02:59I got there and the guy said,
03:00oh, off you go, you've got a stint in the kitchen.
03:04So, as soon as you arrived, you come with me,
03:07and your wife was left in the room alone?
03:11LAUGHTER
03:12Yeah, and, er...
03:12How did she respond?
03:14Oh, not great.
03:16LAUGHTER
03:17Did it help? Did you learn how to chop and all that sort of stuff?
03:20Yeah, it helped a bit, you know, but then it was, er...
03:24It ruined the weekend, it ruined the marriage.
03:25How did it...
03:26LAUGHTER
03:28And what did the former Mrs Morrissey...
03:31LAUGHTER
03:31..er, because she's long gone,
03:33but what did the former Mrs Morrissey make of the meal?
03:36Yeah... Don't say she's long gone.
03:38LAUGHTER
03:38Yeah, sorry, she's... I'm sure she's still with us.
03:41I mean, she's long... She's long gone for you.
03:43Don't even say, I'm sure she's still with us.
03:45Just don't... Just don't say anything.
03:47Just don't... Just don't mention the welfare of the ex-Mrs Morrissey.
03:49OK, but Mrs Morrissey, as was...
03:52LAUGHTER
03:55How... How did she rate the meal?
03:57It didn't help when I kept saying to her, you know,
04:00I chopped them, I did that.
04:03LAUGHTER
04:03Holly, what do you think?
04:05I imagine he has got that dedication.
04:07He's a proper actor.
04:09I know, though it's a real...
04:09He's a proper actor.
04:12LAUGHTER
04:12And all he would have been thinking about is preparing for the role.
04:15He doesn't care what it's for.
04:17Do you know what, Gavin and Stacey,
04:18how do you prepare for playing that little annoying Welsh git?
04:25APPLAUSE
04:28The one with the highest viewing figures for 30 years.
04:31Oh, OK.
04:34Boom!
04:36Drop the mic.
04:37LAUGHTER
04:38The question is,
04:40is David Morrissey telling the truth?
04:43I think it's true.
04:43I instinctively think it might be true.
04:45Let's go true, then.
04:46They all think it's true.
04:47They think it's true.
04:48David, was it true?
04:50Or were you telling a lie?
04:52It was...
04:53True.
04:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
04:56It's true.
04:57David's commitment to acting did ruin a romantic weekend.
05:02Uh, John, you're next.
05:05As a boy, I got to go on Blue Peter
05:09for having an absolutely massive rabbit.
05:12LAUGHTER
05:14I hope this is true.
05:16Yes, that would be a nice story.
05:18LAUGHTER
05:19Who were the hosts of Blue Peter when you went on?
05:22I did the interview with Connie Huck.
05:24How old are you?
05:25Eight.
05:26Eight?
05:26No, no, now!
05:28LAUGHTER
05:32It's been a tough life.
05:34It's been a tough life.
05:35LAUGHTER
05:35So what year was this?
05:371996.
05:38Have you got a Blue Peas badge?
05:40Got a gold one.
05:41Oh!
05:42A gold Blue Peter badge?
05:44Yeah.
05:44When I was a child, people who got gold,
05:46that was like, above a knighthood.
05:50How?
05:50How big was this rabbit?
05:55I feel like you overfed it.
05:56Did you overfeed it?
05:57Well, I don't think I overfed it.
05:59We had a cat called Mitzi.
06:00Who went missing...
06:02LAUGHTER
06:04LAUGHTER
06:07APPLAUSE
06:10That died when I was three.
06:12OK.
06:13And my mum thought I was making a connection with a pet,
06:16so they bought me a rabbit.
06:18Aw.
06:18The rabbit's name, what was it?
06:19Samantha.
06:21Samantha?
06:22Samantha.
06:22Were you told that it was a rabbit that would grow to enormous size?
06:26My dad, who bought the rabbit, was told,
06:29yeah, be careful, this might explode.
06:32When did he acquire the rabbit?
06:35Sellafield.
06:35There was a bloke...
06:38LAUGHTER
06:41APPLAUSE
06:43There's a bloke who lives down the road who's still there,
06:46and so he gave my dad one.
06:47It was a normal-sized bunny when I got it.
06:49Normal-sized?
06:50Yeah.
06:51Connie Huck weighed it in one of those, you know, like,
06:54baby weighing scales.
06:55And how much did it weigh?
06:57Eight stone three.
06:58What? Eight stone three?
07:02You had them, children!
07:05Eight stone!
07:08Eight stone!
07:09Get it out!
07:10Mark, it's similar to me!
07:12What writing's about eight stone three?
07:15LAUGHTER
07:16You're following your day!
07:16Connie Huck, it was all...
07:18LAUGHTER
07:20Eight stone three?
07:22Well, I've got a gold boobie badge for it!
07:25LAUGHTER
07:25So you should get to the studios, cos you're right in!
07:28LAUGHTER
07:30If you were eight...
07:32It would have been heavier than you!
07:35It was heavier than me!
07:36We got it in 91.
07:38And 96...
07:39In 96 it was bigger than you!
07:42In...
07:42In 96...
07:43It over-took you!
07:44You're a human!
07:46It's about the size of a Shetland pony!
07:49LAUGHTER
07:50But that's why I'm on Blue P.O. with it, man!
07:54LAUGHTER
07:54They're not just calling me in cos I've got a normal-sized rabbit!
07:58LAUGHTER
07:58They called me in!
07:59Do you know what, when I brought it in,
08:00they reacted exactly like how you're reacting now?
08:03LAUGHTER
08:04How did he bring it in?
08:06LAUGHTER
08:06It's a boy in a car!
08:08LAUGHTER
08:08He was driving!
08:11LAUGHTER
08:11I'll put the sub loose!
08:15LAUGHTER
08:17LAUGHTER
08:17Do you know what, it had really small ears, wouldn't it?
08:19That is weird.
08:21It had small ears?
08:22Are you sure it wasn't a Shetland pony?
08:25LAUGHTER
08:27I think it might have been your dad in a rabbit suit.
08:31LAUGHTER
08:32To make up, to make up for the loss of the cat.
08:36LAUGHTER
08:37LAUGHTER
08:38How did Blue Peter hear about your rabbit?
08:41It was like a summer bonanza kind of, you know,
08:45right in with your biggest stuff.
08:47LAUGHTER
08:48There was a chap there, he was probably about ten,
08:51and he had like a, well, he'd grown a tomato.
08:54Oh, so it wasn't just you, it was kids with big things.
08:57Well, there was about three of us stood around.
08:58How big was the tomato?
09:00Er...
09:01Now, careful.
09:02LAUGHTER
09:03That's about the size of his head.
09:05LAUGHTER
09:06And what was the third large item?
09:09LAUGHTER
09:10Why did you create two more big items?
09:13LAUGHTER
09:21There was a girl there, she had used the same pencil at school
09:25for three years, and it was that big.
09:28LAUGHTER
09:28Those little things as well.
09:29LAUGHTER
09:30You wrote in, you were watching Blue Peter.
09:34Do you know what, you can be cruel on this show sometimes.
09:35No, I'm not being... I'm just...
09:37You were watching, er, Blue Peter with...
09:40Remind me the rabbit's name?
09:41Samantha.
09:42Don't remind him.
09:44LAUGHTER
09:45Well, she was kind of wandering around the living room, yeah.
09:49Knocking over the sofa.
09:51LAUGHTER
09:52Smashing through windows.
09:56Smoking a cigar.
09:58Eating the telly.
10:00And it says on the programme, we're having a big summer bonanza.
10:05Summer bonanza, right?
10:06Writing if you've got anything enormous or tiny.
10:08Yeah.
10:09Please tell me they didn't say that on Blue Peter.
10:12LAUGHTER
10:14So, hey, John, what happened to Samantha in the fullness of time?
10:19Did she go the way of Mrs Morrissey?
10:21LAUGHTER
10:23Like, humans, as you get older, you get smaller.
10:25Yes.
10:26Yeah.
10:26So she did actually go back to the normal size.
10:28Oh, please, please...
10:29LAUGHTER
10:29Wow!
10:32She went back to a normal-sized rabbit from eight stone!
10:36LAUGHTER
10:36She had massive ears by the end of it.
10:39LAUGHTER
10:41When she passed, she was, er...
10:44Er, one stone six.
10:46LAUGHTER
10:46That's still quite heavy for a rabbit.
10:49LAUGHTER
10:50How heavy is a stone?
10:51Well, just one stone is a lot heavier than a rabbit.
10:55I wish I'd known that five minutes ago.
10:58LAUGHTER
11:01What are you thinking, David's team?
11:03It's so wild.
11:04I've never heard of a rabbit that's that big.
11:05I can't believe he would say that.
11:07Oh, no.
11:11LAUGHTER
11:11He was spot-on with the date.
11:13He's turning you on the line.
11:14He's turning you on the line.
11:14There was a long period where it was very believable, wasn't there?
11:17Everything about his story was perfect.
11:19It was the weight of the rabbit.
11:22LAUGHTER
11:23But also, I remember now someone getting a gold Blue Peter badge,
11:27and it was Torval and Dean got them,
11:29when they'd won about four gold medals.
11:32LAUGHTER
11:33And he got one for, admittedly,
11:37the largest rabbit that has ever lived.
11:40LAUGHTER
11:41What are we going to say?
11:43It's got to be a lie.
11:44It's got to be.
11:44I think we have to say it's a lie.
11:48All right.
11:49This is a tense moment.
11:51John, were you telling the truth or was it a lie?
11:55It was, in fact, a lie.
12:01It's a lie, John didn't have a massive rabbit.
12:05Our next round is called This Is My, where we bring on a mystery guest
12:09who has a close connection to one of our panellists.
12:12This week, each of David's team will claim it's them
12:15that has the genuine connection to the guest.
12:16It's up to Lee's team to spot who's telling the truth.
12:19So please welcome this week's special guest, Myra.
12:29So, Montel, what is Myra to you?
12:32So, this is Myra and I once presented to be her on a running app
12:36so she could beat her rival.
12:39LAUGHTER
12:39Holly, how do you know Myra?
12:42This is Myra.
12:43She helped spare my blushes when I suffered a catastrophic wardrobe malfunction.
12:49LAUGHTER
12:50And finally, David, what is your relationship with Myra?
12:53This is Myra and we once queued for ages for a hot sausage roll,
12:59only for me to let a stranger push in in front of us
13:03who then bought all the sausage rolls.
13:06LAUGHTER
13:06There we have it.
13:07Lee's team, where will you begin?
13:09Right, Montel, first of all, remind us,
13:11what was your particular event when you were an athlete?
13:15Erm, so I was sprinter.
13:16100 metres?
13:17Yes.
13:17What kind of times could you get at 100 metres?
13:20Erm, best time was 11.05.
13:22Oh, that's good. I can only do 11.06.
13:25LAUGHTER
13:26And, of course, you're a gladiator, so you're very fit, very athletic.
13:30How do you cheat?
13:31So, you wear a watch on running apps, but, like, this one,
13:34and it's tracks, basically, you're running how fast you run,
13:36and, essentially, if you wore this watch, it would just think that you were me.
13:40Why would you want to cheat, though?
13:41I didn't want to cheat, erm, but Myra wanted to cheat,
13:44because she basically wanted to beat her rivals.
13:46She's not a serious athlete, then, she just does it for fun.
13:48She does it for fun.
13:49And what kind of distance?
13:505k.
13:51Oh, but you're a sprinter.
13:52I know. I know.
13:54What kind of time can you do 5k in?
13:56It was beating her time, so...
13:58Oh, her own time?
13:58..her time was about 34 minutes.
14:00Well, I did the time, 32.43.
14:02For her?
14:03For her.
14:03When you came back with your 32 minutes, was she slightly disappointed?
14:07No, she was fine, because, at one point, I mean,
14:09I was tying my shoelace lots of times,
14:11so I was actually going quite slow at one point.
14:12How many times do you need to tie your shoelaces?
14:14How the hell did she do 100 metres in 11 seconds,
14:17if you were tying your shoelaces all the time?
14:18We don't wear trousers.
14:19I wear spikes all the time.
14:20Did you come clean to her friend, or...?
14:22Well, I didn't come clean, but she did a couple of weeks later to her friends.
14:25I think she forgave her.
14:27Really? I would never forgive her.
14:28Yeah, that's...
14:30Did you?
14:31Why don't you just get a cab?
14:32Get a cab?
14:33You say, drive, uh, 29 minute 5K.
14:37They'd have to be crawling.
14:38My phone knows if I'm walking or in a car.
14:41Mm.
14:42Just saying.
14:43I know.
14:45You don't need a phone for that, because I know that already.
14:48No, but I'm not...
14:49Don't ask my phone, am I walking or in a car?
14:51You don't have any more of your turns again, are you?
14:53Siri, am I in a car, or am I walking really quick again?
14:57Because my legs are moving.
14:59I try and keep track of the steps I've done each day.
15:02How many steps do you aim for?
15:04I would like to average 10,000 or more over a year per day.
15:08Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
15:09Per day?
15:10Per day?
15:11Per day?
15:12I would like to do 365 steps a year.
15:16And what do you...
15:1710,000 a day.
15:18What do you kit yourself out in when you go for one of these power walks?
15:21I just walk in my normal clothes and arrive sort of clammy.
15:26That's his profile on Match.com.
15:29Right, who next?
15:30Oh, well, I'd like Montel to do a blood test, please.
15:35So, uh, Holly.
15:37Yes.
15:37Remind us again, um, of your lie.
15:39I mean, of your thing.
15:41So, this is Myra.
15:42She once helped me spare my blushes when I had a catastrophic wardrobe malfunction.
15:47What was that?
15:48What was the malfunction?
15:49Um, my zip on my dress bust.
15:53The back or the front or the side?
15:54It was a dress that had a zip that went from the bottom to the top.
15:58So, if you undid it, it would completely open out like this.
16:03What were you doing?
16:04What was the show?
16:05I was actually at 10 Downing Street.
16:08Were you?
16:09At a charity function.
16:10Oh.
16:11Who was Prime Minister?
16:13Connie Hook?
16:16I cannot remember.
16:18What year was it?
16:19I think it was 2016, around then.
16:23It could have been Cameron or May.
16:25Or May, yeah.
16:25I think it was Cameron.
16:26Did it look like a man or a woman?
16:29I can't remember.
16:30To be honest, the whole evening was so stressful that all of those kind of details I blanked out.
16:36I went there and I went to the loo and my dress was very sort of tight, so I thought,
16:42well, I'm going to have to wiggle it up.
16:43And it couldn't wiggle over my bum.
16:45Right.
16:46And it went bang.
16:47Oh.
16:48So, who's Myra?
16:48So, Myra, thank goodness.
16:50Well, she was Chancellor of the Exchequer.
17:00So, because it had kind of bust to the midway point on my back, it was open like this is
17:05a V, so it was full bum out.
17:07Your bottom was out?
17:08And you don't have your phone because they take it off you when you first get in.
17:12So, I was stuck in this cubicle waiting for someone to walk in because I couldn't walk out because my
17:18bum was out and I was in the Prime Minister's house.
17:21Well, I mean, you had underwear on.
17:25Yeah, I had really big holding knickers on.
17:29Oh, you had the big white pants on.
17:30Yeah.
17:31How do you know the white?
17:32I mean, you had your big pants on.
17:37What's going on, are you?
17:38If you've beaten a separate story, I recently bought some new binoculars.
17:45So, Myra here, thankfully, was in the cubicle next door.
17:50A woman who, at this point, you don't know who she is.
17:52No, I don't.
17:52So, I open my cubicle door and I go, hello, I'm so sorry, you don't know me, but could you
17:58go and find my husband and ask him to get my coat from downstairs?
18:03And she was incredible because she went out and she found my husband and then got my coat.
18:10And I had to wear my coat for the whole evening.
18:13Have you been to number 10, Lee?
18:15I have, yes.
18:16Oh, what was the occasion?
18:17Genuinely, do you know, I remember more than anything else how individual all the toilets were.
18:21Mm, me too.
18:22And no cubicles whatsoever, just a toilet like in a house.
18:26What was the event you were there for?
18:27I was, er, I was, I was actually burgling the house.
18:33What about you, David, have you been?
18:35No.
18:35Er, me neither.
18:36No.
18:37Montel?
18:37No.
18:38No.
18:38John?
18:39Not yet.
18:40Er, I was a tour guide at, er...
18:44Just so you know, just to be clear, when it's just chat, you can tell the truth.
18:48LAUGHTER
18:49This is just a conversation, don't feel you under any pressure to make up giant animals.
18:55LAUGHTER
18:56I was a tour guide at Parliament for four years.
19:00LAUGHTER
19:00Well, I wasn't expecting that.
19:02LAUGHTER
19:03You would show people around what the House of Commons?
19:06Er, I took schools round, er, groups of WI.
19:09OK.
19:10Celebs sometimes.
19:11Which celebs?
19:12Er, the Speaker of the Isle of Wight.
19:14No way!
19:16LAUGHTER
19:16What am I there?
19:17Paul McCartney, er, went in at about ten o'clock at night, just walked in, saying...
19:21But you chose to mention...
19:23And you mentioned the...
19:24..the Isle of Wight first.
19:26LAUGHTER
19:27Oh, oh, and Jesus came once!
19:29LAUGHTER
19:32So, er, you got... you got the coat, you wrapped it round...
19:36LAUGHTER
19:37Got the coat, wrapped it round.
19:38..and all was well.
19:38And all was well.
19:40Now, then, what about David?
19:43Remind us of how you know Myra.
19:45OK, this is Myra.
19:46We once queued for ages for a hot sausage roll,
19:50only for me to let someone in in front of us,
19:53who then bought all of the sausage rolls.
19:55Where were you?
19:56We were at the Hay Festival.
19:59And how do you know Myra?
20:00She works for the publisher that was, er, publishing my book.
20:05I didn't know you'd written a book. Any good?
20:07I've been told that it is brilliant.
20:10LAUGHTER
20:12What's it about?
20:12It's about the kings and queens of England.
20:15Am I in it?
20:15Have you mentioned me?
20:16No, cos you weren't king or queen of England.
20:19LAUGHTER
20:20Actually, it only goes up to 1603.
20:22So, actually, even if you had been king...
20:24Why does it only go up to 1603?
20:25Just after four o'clock.
20:27LAUGHTER
20:28Did they just sell sausage rolls?
20:30It was a hot sausage roll stand.
20:33Nothing else.
20:34And did you know the person who pushed in?
20:36No. The person politely asked,
20:38because he said he was rushing to an event.
20:42Right.
20:42And you were buying just two sausage rolls, one each.
20:47Yes.
20:47That was the plan, anyway.
20:48That was the plan.
20:49Were there people behind you?
20:50I think there might have been eight to ten people behind me,
20:53but the queue had been moving, it's all fine.
20:55They smell very good, sausage rolls.
20:56Yeah.
20:57And you invested quite a bit emotionally in getting this sausage roll.
21:01Yeah, yeah, yeah.
21:01As we got to the front of the queue, horror of horrors,
21:05they've run out of sausage rolls.
21:06But the guy says,
21:08don't worry, another batch is coming out in a minute.
21:11Right. But this bloke came up to me and said,
21:13I'm rushing to an event.
21:14Would it be all right if I just nip in and get it?
21:16And I said, oh, yes, OK.
21:18And how many did he buy?
21:1920!
21:20Right.
21:2120?
21:2120?
21:22He didn't tell me he was going to buy 20.
21:25And then I chatted to Myra, and then I turn, and I look,
21:29and they're going, there's the tray, the delicious sausage rolls,
21:32and a bag.
21:33Thumpf.
21:34Oh, thumpf.
21:35The thumpf.
21:37Thumpf.
21:37And I'm thinking, oh, he's getting a lot of sausage rolls.
21:39Oh, we laugh about it.
21:41Can you imagine?
21:43We laugh about it.
21:44Thumpf.
21:45Thumpf.
21:46So this is a lot of sausage rolls, isn't it?
21:48Thumpf.
21:49How big is this bag?
21:49Thumpf.
21:50So at this point, we cross the halfway line.
21:54Half of them have gone into the bag.
21:56And it's fine, though.
21:57Then they tie up the bag.
21:58That's fine.
21:59Oh, no!
22:00It's another bag.
22:03Thumpf.
22:04Thumpf.
22:04OK, imagine now.
22:07There's four left.
22:08Four left now.
22:10Thumpf.
22:12Thumpf.
22:14Thumpf.
22:16Thumpf.
22:17Thank you very much.
22:18£50 note is gone.
22:26He got 20 sausage rolls.
22:28Yes.
22:28He asked for 20, he got 20.
22:30Yes.
22:30He managed to get the exact amount of sausage rolls that he asked for,
22:33he was given and now there's none left.
22:35Not 19.
22:36He didn't ask for 21 and there was only 80.
22:38He got it bang on like that.
22:39Yes.
22:40That's an amazing coincidence.
22:41Well, look, this story has been selected to be televised.
22:48That is how remarkable it is.
22:51And I think you're probably right.
22:52If he'd wanted like nine sausage rolls and then we'd just bought two,
22:56do you know what?
22:57I think it wouldn't have got to this point.
23:05All right, we need an answer.
23:07So, is Myra Montel's cheating chum, Holly's sartorial saviour,
23:14or David's famished friend?
23:17She doesn't look like a woman who eats sausage rolls.
23:19No.
23:20But then again, maybe that's why she can't break 30 minutes at 5pm.
23:26David is at the Hay Festival.
23:28He's a famous author.
23:30He's not queuing with the hoi polloi.
23:33He's around the back in a nice posh tent.
23:35Yeah.
23:35Getting free grub.
23:36Maybe he'd like just to mingle with the great unwashed.
23:39Yeah, I want to get the Greggs advert.
23:40I'll buy a sausage roll.
23:41Yeah, that's right.
23:42Then they'll see the other side of me.
23:44Yeah.
23:44He even had the voice ready.
23:45I'll have two sausage rolls.
23:49I took the me paper bag.
23:53What are you thinking, John?
23:55Which way are you leaning?
23:56Well, I think Holly has been invited to number 10.
23:58Do you believe there's a dress that goes all the way from the top to the bottom of the zip?
24:02I have seen these dresses, yeah.
24:04Well, they go all the way down?
24:06Yeah, they're nice.
24:06You must have seen one of those.
24:08They're not that uncommon.
24:09They're sexy, man.
24:13They're sexy, man.
24:14They're sexy, man.
24:14I'll take it.
24:15Not when you say it.
24:21In fact, I'd call them off-putting, the way you said it.
24:24I don't think it was the voice.
24:25I think it was the waving of the arms.
24:27LAUGHTER
24:33David Morrissey, who do you think it is?
24:34I think it's Holly.
24:35I can sort of imagine that happening.
24:38OK, I'll go with my team and say it's Holly.
24:39Right, Myra, would you please reveal your true identity?
24:45I'm Myra and I helped Holly with her dress.
24:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
24:49Yes, Myra is Holly's sartorial saviour.
24:53Thank you very much, Myra.
25:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
25:01Which brings us to our final round of quick-fire lines,
25:04and we start with...
25:08It's Lee.
25:10Possession.
25:11Ah, no. Possession, right.
25:13Take a look in the box that's under your desk.
25:16First of all, read out the card.
25:21These are my doggy paddles.
25:24Because he can't talk, my dog brings me one of these
25:27to tell me what he wants.
25:31LAUGHTER
25:34LAUGHTER
25:38Oh, my God!
25:40LAUGHTER
25:42So, David's team.
25:43So, let's have a look. There's toilet, walk...
25:46Oh, no, no, no, no, that's just for a bit of fun.
25:47But he always wants a game of table tennis.
25:49LAUGHTER
25:52Toilet, walk...
25:52What's the music one?
25:54Likes music. My dog likes music.
25:56Can I ask you which dog?
25:57Cos you've got two dogs.
25:58Yes, cos we go dog walking together, don't we?
26:00We go dog walking.
26:01It's, er... It's Ludo.
26:02What breed of dog is he?
26:04He's a silver Labrador.
26:05Oh, yes.
26:06And they are hard to train, aren't they?
26:08They're impossible to train.
26:09Silver Labradors particularly, and I know people will write in,
26:12that's cos you're not training him properly, yeah?
26:13Well, that's cos you're stupid.
26:14He's impossible to train.
26:15LAUGHTER
26:16Well, I say it's impossible to train.
26:18I've trained him to...
26:19LAUGHTER
26:21I'm just going to say,
26:23the whole thing is about you training him.
26:25APPLAUSE
26:27Don't even know how I catch him, mate.
26:29You go crazy in this game.
26:30LAUGHTER
26:31You've trained Ludo to bring the relevant table tennis back.
26:36No, you can see there's marks on here from the teeth of the dot of Ludo's teeth.
26:41Oh, well, it must be true.
26:43LAUGHTER
26:44Although I did see a member of the production team chewing a table tennis back.
26:49LAUGHTER
26:49He comes towards me like this.
26:51It has been sterilised.
26:52Yeah?
26:52I'm just telling Ludo for when he has it back.
26:54Yeah.
26:55LAUGHTER
27:00Well, it's upside down, though.
27:02Not to him, it's not.
27:03He knows that, he knows...
27:04Yes, that's a good point.
27:05I'll go with that.
27:06Not to him, it's not.
27:07LAUGHTER
27:15And where do you keep the bats?
27:17In the loft, where do you keep yours?
27:21Lee, you could put them down for a bit and that'll help with...
27:24Look at all, he's only four years old.
27:28No, the bats.
27:30Oh, the bats, sorry.
27:32Right, Holly Willoughby.
27:33Well, I mean, the only thing I do know about Ludo
27:35is that you haven't even quite trained him to know his own name.
27:41Because the only way you can get that dog to come to you
27:44is if you go, Bull.
27:45Yes.
27:46And it now thinks its name is Bull.
27:47Yes.
27:49David, what is your team going to say?
27:51Erm...
27:51I... It can't be true.
27:53Yeah, I think it can't.
27:55It can't be?
27:56It's unusual in this.
27:57It's almost like more than a lie, it actually can't be true.
28:02They're essentially saying it's a lie, Lee.
28:04Is it a lie or was that actually the truth?
28:08Lie.
28:13It's a lie, those aren't Lee's doggy paddles.
28:17And that noise signals time is up.
28:19It's the end of the show.
28:20I can reveal that David's team has won by three points to one.
28:28Thanks for watching.
28:30We'll see you next time.
28:31Good night.
28:33APPLAUSE
28:36APPLAUSE
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