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00:00Welcome, on stage, Mr Jimmy Carr!
00:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:04Ta-da!
00:05Hey!
00:07What?
00:09Thank you very much.
00:11I...
00:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:16Manage your expectations.
00:18Now, have we got a show for you?
00:20That remains to be seen.
00:22I'll tell you what we do have.
00:23Go wild and crazy.
00:24I'll bring them all out at the same time.
00:25We've got John Richardson, Rob Beckett, Judy Love,
00:28Katherine Parkinson, Susie Dent, Rachel Riley.
00:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:32That's something.
00:33That's the show.
00:34Hey, calm down.
00:37Get in there.
00:39Right.
00:42OK.
00:44Oh, yeah.
00:46Spoiler alert.
00:47Uh, John wins.
00:50OK, everyone, we're ready to go.
00:51Let's do this.
00:54Good luck.
00:55Cheers.
00:55Make us all the guys a time around this..
01:25APPLAUSE
01:27Hello and welcome to Ida the Ten Cats Does Countdown,
01:31a show about letters, numbers and conundrums.
01:33OK, let's meet tonight's players.
01:35First up we've got team captain John Richardson.
01:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:44Big dog daddy, that's what I'm talking about.
01:47Well, one of those words is factually correct.
01:51Really?
01:51Yeah, and it's not big or dog.
01:54You've got to hand it to John because he's so small. He can't reach it by himself
02:00It's people meet me and they genuinely think I'm about three foot two
02:05And John's teammate Judy love
02:11Judy once went to a concert to see her favorite band blue and got so excited that she threw her
02:17bra on stage
02:18Killing all four
02:25Who's your favorite member of blue? I love blue. I think it was Simon Simon was lovely but the bra
02:31was yeah
02:31It did it was like it was like a tent like one love it was just like
02:37Up against him this evening. We've got team captain Rob Beckett
02:46We do a lot of jokes about Rob's teeth
02:48But to be serious for a second if you are feeding him remember flat palm and let him come to
02:53you
02:59That's crazy, but thanks are they are they veneers or they they're your own teeth
03:08They are bigger, right when I laugh it looks like they're running out
03:15joining Rob tonight, it's Katherine Parkinson
03:17Katherine is an actress in her 40s, so there's still lots of parts for her on television whether she wants
03:28to play a divorced mother of five
03:30An aging spinster or a kindly grandmother. There's all kinds of opportunities
03:36I'm only just in my 40s. I'm nearly out my 40s, but so thank you
03:41John now you know the you voiced grouchy Smurf in the Smurfs movie. How did you get that wrong? Why
03:47were you cast?
03:49Well, I think fanny smasher Smurf had already been cast
03:58It's
03:58It's in the deleted scenes, but it's well worth checking out
04:01If you nip out to the toilet, there's a chance you missed my entire input to the film
04:06Technically I was in a film with Rihanna and she doesn't know who the hell I am
04:12You don't know film. Yes, you're like a bird that commentates on films. Yes, and you're in Cinderella, which we
04:19love yes, I was in Cinderella
04:20But now you do what?
04:22active
04:23I was the pervert trying to get off of it. It's good. They'll let you keep the glasses though
04:35Can I tell you that I mean part of the reason we watch that is because
04:41My husband originally had that part, but they
04:44Had him in his costume, and he did a scene and they thought he looked too pervy
04:50So they've got someone who looks pervy
04:51I think though can we look about look very young as Cinderella very young and my husband is is yes
04:59my age and a convicted pervert
05:02Judy what would be your perfect day off?
05:06I think it'd be at home not having to do any kind of maths or
05:11Work with numbers and words and shit like this. I
05:19Don't do anything. I'll be honest. You asked me what who said I'd get but I've got kids when you
05:24say you've got kids
05:25How many kids you got to?
05:27Yeah, how old are they do the one's 20 once? Yeah, but that count, you're not the front line of
05:32a three-year-old
05:34Rob you got a mascot. Yes, I do. I have got mascot actually
05:38So one of my favorite pastimes little hobby of mine is tripping up children
05:45When you've got kids you're a lot of parties soft plays and there's always a couple of idiot kids that
05:49are being mean to your kids
05:51So a little as they're sprinting past being that a little leg out
05:56Just to catch them on the run and
06:03You know I'm getting older kids are getting younger and quicker and stuff like that
06:06So what I've got is I've had some special shoes made to help me with the tripping up because it
06:11can get difficult
06:12So I've got these they're only a prototype. I think they're gonna take off
06:25I'd like to see these yeah, so I obviously I've got them to look like normal shoes people don't know
06:30this
06:32Yeah, no, I'll come around and show you what
06:38Really what's that what you can say you can
06:52I
06:55Classic pair of sort of lace-up trainers
06:58Say you're a party. You just sat down having a chat
07:03Kid run past in a coffee shop fuck off
07:07And then you're this easy to go twat
07:12What's that can you I'm not chasing
07:15Look like someone who chases kids
07:17If you're a party
07:25Oh
07:30Oh
07:31Oh
07:31That's really
07:31Oh my god very good
07:32Thank you
07:33That was close though
07:38Yeah
07:38So if you want a pair let me know I'm gonna start a crowd funder
07:42Oh
07:43Oh
07:43Oh
07:44Oh
07:44Oh
07:44Oh
07:45Oh
07:51Oh
07:51Oh
07:52Oh
07:52Oh
07:52Oh
07:52Oh
07:55Oh
07:57Oh
07:58Oh my god
08:25What is going on there it looks good
08:28Oh
08:28It's very briefly like the same work that I've had done
08:33It'll have bits of my dead skin on it now
08:36It'll have bits of my dead skin on it now but
08:36No problem
08:36Go ahead
08:40It's nice isn't it
08:42It doesn't look great
08:44Someone
08:45Someone's gonna Photoshop something in there Rob
08:47Oh
08:49As it pushes back it unlocks the jaw
08:52It does it does
08:53Because they're white as well it looks like your teeth are sort of escaping
08:58Pull them back
09:00Judy have you got a mascot
09:02I have
09:03Because when I come on the show I get a bit nervous
09:06I'm always worried about like what's gonna be the end result
09:10But because of that I thought let me just relax myself
09:13I've got
09:13My crystal ball
09:15So I can get predictions
09:19Yeah I can see things like now
09:21I can see this gorgeous
09:23Gorgeous woman very very
09:25Oh God look at her just hot
09:27Oh sorry that's me sorry
09:29But I can I can see lots of little things
09:32I can see John at home by his self
09:35Arguing with a thermostat
09:37Um
09:40I'm not paying these prices
09:41I'll put a card on
09:42Yeah yeah
09:44Susie
09:44I can see Susie in the afterlife
09:47Having a conversation
09:48Well actually pulling up gods
09:50Because he said Pacific instead of specific
09:54Have a break girl
09:55Have a break
09:56Do you know what I mean?
09:57So yeah I can see
09:57And I can see
09:59Susie's dead in that
09:59Yeah but she's not
10:01She buried the lead on that
10:01How did she die?
10:03Doesn't die by being tripped up does she?
10:07But what I mainly can predict is that
10:09We're gonna win
10:12The silence
10:13That was killing
10:16Of course Susie
10:17Let's enjoy while we've got it
10:18Okay John
10:19Have you got a mascot?
10:20Yes well it's a
10:21It's a business venture really Jimmy
10:22Oh
10:23So I've gone into music
10:25Tribute bands
10:26A lot of coin in tributes
10:27Um
10:28So I found this guy who does Elvis
10:30First of all he was my first act
10:32But he was a bit
10:33Well he was shit
10:34So people would ask
10:35Who he was
10:36So we had to rename him
10:37Elvish
10:38Um
10:40So sometimes
10:41Sometimes you wanna update an act
10:43While you're doing the tribute
10:44So I've got a modern Johnny Cash
10:46Uh called Johnny Contacts
10:51And I sort of brought all the songs up into the modern age
10:55He's got a song about Dodgy Market called Ring of Fire Sticks
10:57Um
10:59I've got a one man Led Zeppelin
11:02Uh cause I can't afford all of them
11:03So that's Led Zeppelin
11:06Um
11:07I've got loads of these
11:08I've got a one man Iron Maiden
11:10Brian Maiden
11:13He's very
11:13He's very
11:13I've got as many of these as you want
11:14One man take that Jake that
11:18Oh that is
11:19And then I saw the Oasis gigs
11:20And I thought well there's gotta be coin in that
11:21I thought one thing that puts people off going to the Oasis gigs
11:37Um
11:38And I'm delighted to say making their TV debut
11:41I've brought them along tonight
11:42So ladies and gentlemen
11:43OA Sisters
11:44Oh
11:45Oh
11:56So Sally can wait
11:59She knows it's too late
12:02But we're walking on by
12:27The only key that I need is the one that I'm going to scrape down your fucking car
12:34You know you are a woman with a soup spoon in a world full of steak
12:43I've had a fucking enough of this I'm fucking enough
12:47You you weasel in cardigan wearing little swat
12:52You better pay us what you're worth
12:54Yeah, I agree with her actually and I've got big hands
13:05And over in Dictionary Corner please welcome Spencer Jones
13:19All right
13:20Well it's good to have you back what have you been up to recently?
13:23I've been um everyone's got dodgy offy that they go to but what I like to do when I go
13:28to the dodgy offy
13:28Give the boys the red stripe
13:30Empty the bag
13:31Put the bag on your head like that
13:32Put that round that ear like that
13:34And then I'm really like that and then
13:36Oh
13:42You might you might get signed by
13:44I'll take it
13:45Want some more?
13:47Yeah
13:49I'm sure the best thing I came up with in lockdown
13:52I'll be honest it's the only thing I came up with in lockdown
13:57Happy Mother's Day!
14:00Happy Mother's Day!
14:05I got banned! I got banned from TikTok for that
14:10Oh my god!
14:12There's one other thing
14:13There we go
14:14Um
14:15Sometimes when you visit in a hospital
14:16You know it's a sad time people are dying
14:18Um
14:19But they've got plenty of these knocking around
14:21Which you can nick
14:22You know no one will have a go at you
14:23You can do sort of like
14:24You lie it's fine
14:31Move
14:33It's too cheap
14:34It's too cheap
14:34Anyone got work tomorrow?
14:38Me too
14:40What you can do
14:41When you put up like that
14:41You put one finger in like that
14:42And then that one come through there like that
14:44And then that finger go in there like that
14:46And then that one and then that
14:47And then
14:47Run away!
14:53And they'll be dying
14:54But they'll be laughing
14:56And then what you can do
14:57You squeeze it like that
14:58And then twist it like that
14:59And then
15:00It's like that
15:01Ohh
15:06It'sان
15:10you So
15:13much, friends. Of course, it's Susie Dent Last
15:20Valentine's Day Susie
15:21Dent co-wrote a romantic radio drama
15:23I listened to it, Susie, and I'll be honest with you, I was bored stiff.
15:27LAUGHTER
15:28Susie, what words make you laugh?
15:31Lots of words make me laugh in the historical dictionary.
15:35There's a word for someone who wishes bad luck upon someone else
15:39and they're described as ill-willy.
15:41If you are kind towards someone, you are good-willy.
15:44And if you really wish death and destruction on someone,
15:47you are evil-willy.
15:49And these are all from the 17th century.
15:51I can't imagine you've ever been described as being good-willy.
15:54LAUGHTER
15:55OK.
15:56And in charge of the numbers, it's Rachel Riley!
16:04Rachel, have you ever been tempted to get a tattoo?
16:07You know, I feel like everyone's got one except me,
16:09so I would quite like to get one.
16:11My brother's got absolutely loads,
16:13but you've got to get it right, haven't you?
16:14You've got to get something meaningful and something you don't regret.
16:16So I'm thinking of getting your face, like, here,
16:20so, like, the mouth can be my belly button,
16:23because, basically, I really want to know what it looks like
16:25to see your face on real human skin.
16:29LAUGHTER
16:32APPLAUSE
16:36OK, the prize that seems to be competing for tonight
16:38is this, the Countdown Fencing Kit.
16:48Oh, this should be good.
16:50Oh.
16:50Oh.
16:51Oh.
16:51Oh, this should be good.
16:51Maybe get...
16:52Maybe a little bit closer together, guys.
16:54Just edge...
16:55Maybe a little bit.
16:56Just a touch closer.
16:57Just a tad...
17:14I knew the second one was a brother. I knew it. I don't know, it was just something in his
17:18walk. I said that to him.
17:19You said, you said, I could tell from his walk he was black and I didn't know what to say.
17:26Literally, I whispered it to John. I was hoping John would say it, but I didn't want it to get
17:31cancelled. I just saw it in his walk.
17:34I don't know what that man is called, but, um, RUN!
17:41OK, let's count down every one. Time for the first game. Rob and Katherine, you get the first pick of
17:45the letters.
17:46A vowel, please. Yeah, sure. Can I have an E? A consonant, please.
17:50N. Another vowel, please. A. A consonant. G. Another vowel, please. I. A consonant. S.
18:01Another consonant, please. L. A vowel. U. And another vowel, please.
18:11Can we stop a second?
18:13When you said that, the crowd oohed, which I felt like you'd made a bad decision, but I wasn't listening.
18:19Oh, do we think that's too many vowels? Can I... consonant, please?
18:23Consonant. Yeah, go for it. Go for it.
18:24Very unusual that someone messes up the picking of the letters.
18:29OK, while you crack on with that, I've got a side hustle. I'm a couples therapist.
18:35OK.
18:41Next.
18:49This is, uh, this is Mark Obama and Oprah Wolfrey.
18:55Um...
18:55Your time starts now.
18:57Uh, well, where shall we begin?
18:59OK, well, tell me about your sex life.
19:03So you just do it doggy style, do you?
19:07Barker bomber you're saying she won't let you bury her bone anymore
19:13You thought if you don't mind me saying real dog breath how did you to me dogging
19:20Mate I think you should leave her she's a bitch
19:27Well, I see you two have made up now, so that'll be 500 pounds, please
19:34Okay, round of applause everyone for our dogs and their handlers
19:44Rob how many six after in how many six six? Okay, Judy six John how many seven seven?
19:52Okay, Rob. What's your six aliens Catherine your six claws? Okay. Oh nice. I Judy your six
19:58I had uncles hi John for the win you're seven
20:03Glances
20:12Susie could they have done you better you could have had lunacy's for eight so at the end of that
20:17John and Judy are in the lead with seven points
20:22All to our first numbers round Judy you get your pick of the numbers
20:25uh
20:27Just doing you came
20:31Up to four big ones. Yeah, and then the rest little ones so I'll pick
20:37Ten no
20:40Numbers well, you don't get to pick the numbers. That's why it's fun
20:44So you get to say two big or three big or four
20:47Okay, so three big one three big one. Oh, and how many I don't think we're gonna win this right?
20:54Small one should we go for three three three? Yeah three
20:57I was gonna pick all together six
21:00Has that changed they haven't even changed the fuck?
21:06Richard Whiteley died in that chair
21:11It was different last time when I was picking you predicted the future tonight. You didn't see this covered
21:21Seven nine and ten ten and the big ones fifty twenty five and one hundred. Oh, yes
21:29I remember
21:32112 okay, your target is 112 your time starts now
22:08No one else
22:17Rob Rob did you get it? Yeah
22:21Really quick
22:23Take him over it. You don't have to use all the numbers do you? Yes, okay?
22:35Did you get it well if I knew that we didn't have to use all the numbers of course, I
22:40would have bloody got it
22:41I would have got it I got 99
22:52Shut it up
22:53Shut it up
22:54So I did
22:55How did you get less than a hundred?
22:59There's a fucking hundred there
23:01A hundred take away fifty equals fifty
23:07Take away twenty five equals twenty five
23:10And then twenty five take away ten left fifteen
23:14And then
23:15I did fifteen to a hundred was a hundred and fifteen
23:21And then I added seven and nine which was sixteen
23:25Which was sixteen and took away sixteen from a hundred and fifteen which was ninety-nine
23:38Wow, Judy, do you want to be my accountant?
23:45Wow
23:47Catherine, did you get it?
23:48I hope so having sort of whooped and sort of been all pleased with myself that I had I did
23:52get it
23:53I think
23:53Talk us through it
23:54So nine take away seven is two
23:55That was the hard bit
23:56Thank you
23:58Plus ten is twelve plus a hundred is a hundred and twelve
24:01Yep
24:02Wow!
24:03Wow!
24:04I didn't think that would happen
24:05Good
24:06John did you get it?
24:08I did fifty over ten plus seven for the twelve
24:11Yeah, that would do
24:12Nice
24:12Ten points for both teams
24:15And here is your teaser
24:16The words are
24:17Wang site
24:18The clue is
24:19Is it a hoine here?
24:20That's wang site
24:21Is it a hoine here?
24:23See you after the break
24:43Is it a hoine here?
24:45Of course sweating
24:46Okay, so John and Judy are in the lead
24:49They've been playing in teams so far but this game is just for Rob and Judy
24:53Huh?
24:54So Judy your turn to choose the letters
24:56Vowel
24:57Nailed it
24:58E
24:59Consonant
25:00T
25:01Consonant
25:03John while this is going on
25:05Vowel
25:06A
25:07Vowel
25:08I put these pilates
25:09Oh yeah great
25:11Vowel
25:11Shall we?
25:12Yeah we shall we
25:13O
25:14Continent
25:15T
25:16Continent
25:17I just think this is going to be shit
25:20Vowel
25:20I might just if I go
25:22And
25:22E
25:23Right
25:24I've actually only hired one machine so we'll both have to go on it at the same time
25:27So if you go there
25:27Yeah?
25:28Yeah you grab that
25:29Yeah
25:32Was it lentils again was it?
25:36Okay your time starts
25:38Now
25:50Can you feel the burn
25:52Can you feel the burn
25:54Can you feel the burn
26:02Can you feel the burn
26:06Can you feel the burn
26:10Can you feel the burn
26:10Can you feel the burn
26:17Can you feel the burn
26:18Can you feel the burn
26:19Can you feel the burn
26:20I just take the tip out I've got tear if that's anything Judy love if you got
26:28your phone out I was just checking the spelling
26:34so sorry John do you are that reform Pilates explains why they're so fucking
26:43angry it's amazing it's really good I liked it yeah but it's nice to be
26:48intimate up Judy how many five six five six okay Rob how many did you get okay
26:56we're behind I've got a solid six wrong after I'm just gonna I'm going in for a
27:00seven okay all right so Judy what is your six I've got stereo to ease the stereo
27:07there's too easy right yeah sorry yeah
27:11yeah
27:16I'm sorry to have to do this but you're fired yeah anyway sorry stereo very good thank
27:25you
27:25Rob your risky seven I fucked up it was risky anyway but it's even riskier now that I've
27:37included a third a
27:42well for risky seven oh no TT's
27:47what TT CT I've got a place it's a backup for seven if that's allowed no it's no
27:57um TT's not in but treaties yeah it is a treat
28:02I can know I had it there really
28:03oh
28:04oh
28:04oh
28:04oh
28:04oh
28:05oh
28:06oh
28:06oh
28:11oh
28:11oh
28:11oh
28:15oh
28:24oh
28:25oh
28:41We have 10, 6, 5, 4, and then your big two, 50 and 25.
28:47Can you tell me, help me, please?
28:49And the target, 223.
28:51I feel sick.
28:51OK, your time starts now.
28:56MUSIC PLAYS
29:24OK, so your target was 223.
29:28John, did you get it?
29:30224.
29:30A little bit disappointed.
29:32Catherine, did you get it?
29:33Oh, 224.
29:35But I was very pleased with that.
29:37You also got 224.
29:39OK, how did you get it?
29:40That's what I was going for.
29:4125 times 10.
29:4325 times 10, 250.
29:44Five times four.
29:45Oh, you got it.
29:46Five times four, it's just 20.
29:48Five times four, 20.
29:50Take away 20 from 250, and then 230 minus 6.
29:54Yeah.
29:54224, 108.
29:55John, how would you have done it had you not been an idiot?
29:58If I hadn't recently been penetrated in the workplace.
30:01LAUGHTER
30:0350 times four is 200.
30:06200.
30:07Add 25.
30:08225.
30:09And then 10 over 5 is 2.
30:10Yeah, well done.
30:13APPLAUSE
30:15So, John, you didn't get it in time, so seven points for both teams.
30:20Time now to go across the dictionary corner.
30:22Spencer, what have you got for us?
30:25Well...
30:27When I was younger, my nan and grandad had a really, really aggressive parrot called Bobby.
30:34Bobby was ringside for every single argument my nan and grandad ever had, and he learnt a lot of their
30:40swear words.
30:41So I'm going to show you Bobby, right now.
30:43But firstly, I've got to put this here, like that.
30:47LAUGHTER
30:48Like that.
30:51You're going to work, Dad?
30:52Yeah, I'm going to work.
30:54LAUGHTER
30:54Down there like that.
30:55And so that's like that, yeah?
30:57And then you grab that.
31:00Like that.
31:02Like that.
31:03Like that.
31:04Like that.
31:05LAUGHTER
31:09Every day stuck in this cage
31:14I just want to fly away
31:20Every day looking at these walls
31:25But no one hears my calls
31:30Who's a pretty boy?
31:31I'm a pretty boy
31:32Who's a pretty boy?
31:33I'm a pretty boy
31:34They ask me all the time
31:37They're always asking me
31:41Holding this together
31:46That's a whole lot of feathers
31:51Oil!
31:53Stop that, you dirty bugger
31:55Stop that, Derek
31:56No!
31:58No, that's not my milk
32:00That's my milk
32:01No, you can't part there
32:03No, stop that
32:04That is not my smell
32:06I did not fart
32:08Can't part there
32:09Can't part there
32:11Stop it, Derek
32:12I thought it'd be dead by now
32:13Anyway, just like that
32:15APPLAUSE
32:19Fraser Jones, everyone
32:22And here is your teaser
32:23The words are
32:24R-snob
32:25The clue is
32:26Thank you, my lady
32:27That's R-snob
32:28Thank you, my lady
32:29See you after the break
32:31APPLAUSE
32:46Welcome back
32:47The answer to the teaser
32:48The words were
32:49R-snob
32:49The clue was
32:50Thank you, my lady
32:51It was, of course
32:53Baroness
32:53Well done
32:59If you could do it
33:00Well, we can score some fucking points
33:02It might be helpful
33:03Now, the keen-eyed viewer
33:05Might have noticed
33:06That I've added an extra player
33:08It's because Rob and Catherine
33:09Are lagging behind
33:11So I thought
33:12I'll give you an extra team member
33:13Please welcome everyone
33:14Comedian, John Tottil
33:15APPLAUSE
33:17Very good to have you, John
33:19John Tottil
33:20It looks like if you asked AI
33:22To draw a picture of Henry VIII
33:23Before he let himself go
33:26LAUGHTER
33:27I think I look a bit like
33:28Your long-lost son
33:29Oh, my God!
33:32LAUGHTER
33:32LAUGHTER
33:33You don't look like a family
33:34Yeah, absolutely
33:35Hello, darling
33:37I don't know, I feel like I'm being dragged into the gingers
33:43How old are you?
33:44I am almost Yorick
33:47I'm 28
33:47How old are you?
33:48Almost his age!
33:50LAUGHTER
33:52LAUGHTER
33:52Wow
33:54How old are you?
33:55Come on in, Bob
33:5539, so actually, from where I'm from, old enough
33:58LAUGHTER
34:00LAUGHTER
34:01So, John, welcome to the show
34:03Now, you used to be a teacher, is that right?
34:04Yes, that's right, yeah
34:05I used to work in a primary school
34:06I'm certainly worried that I've been brought on here
34:08To support the losing team
34:10But I was not a good teacher
34:11I was a really bad
34:13I was, in the words of one of my own students
34:14A dogshit teacher
34:16LAUGHTER
34:17I taught Year 4
34:18LAUGHTER
34:20Do you think you're going to help this team?
34:21No
34:22LAUGHTER
34:23I can't do a countdown, I really can't
34:25I can't even count down
34:26Do you know what I mean?
34:27Counting up!
34:28You should see me counting up
34:29Fucking hell
34:29One, two, three
34:30I could go on
34:33LAUGHTER
34:33You only practiced once a year at New Year's Eve, didn't you?
34:35Well, no, I used to practice in wet play
34:37Wet play?
34:38Yeah, but the kid...
34:39Horrible phrase, isn't it?
34:40Wet play
34:40LAUGHTER
34:42If I'm honest, if you're a woman over a certain age, wet play is a good word
34:47LAUGHTER
34:48LAUGHTER
34:49John, have you on mascara?
34:50I do, yes, yes
34:52This is my clarinet
34:53Oh!
34:53Now, I don't make much sense as a person
34:56Unless you know that all I did for the first 18 years of my life
35:02I know, don't
35:02Was practiced clarinet
35:03Wow
35:04Now, I haven't come here to brag or anything
35:06But between you and me, I am what you would call seriously good at the clarinet
35:10Wow
35:10And you know that's true, because why would I lie about that?
35:14LAUGHTER
35:14I'm not coming here going, the thing is, guys, I'm really good in bed
35:17I'm not, I'm nothing to write home about in bed whatsoever
35:19What I'm really good at is the clarinet
35:21You wouldn't lie about it with a clarinet in your hand
35:24LAUGHTER
35:25You don't whip that out for wet play, do you?
35:28LAUGHTER
35:29LAUGHTER
35:30Can we get a little sample of this, er...
35:32Of course you can
35:36MUSIC PLAYS
35:37MUSIC PLAYS
35:41MUSIC PLAYS
35:45MUSIC PLAYS
35:46Do you know what I mean?
35:47Wow!
35:48APPLAUSE
35:51Beautiful, beautiful
35:52Yeah, it's all right
35:53There is a magic, darling
35:54Thank you, isn't it?
35:55APPLAUSE
35:56There's not a dry seat in the house
36:00We're going to fuck you up, John Tottil
36:02LAUGHTER
36:04Look what those fingers can do with a clarinet
36:06Wait till he gets on a biro
36:08LAUGHTER
36:08OK, er, John, Tottil, your turn to pick the letters
36:11Oh, great, OK, could I please have a vowel?
36:14Yeah
36:14He's already more confident than us, can I have a consonant?
36:18M
36:18Another consonant, please
36:19D
36:20Vowel, please
36:21I feel so confident with this one
36:22I feel really safe
36:23You're safe
36:25Another vowel, please
36:27A
36:28Could I have a consonant, please?
36:30T
36:30Another consonant
36:32N
36:33A consonant, please
36:34T
36:34And one last vowel, please
36:36Thank you
36:37And E
36:38Can you do this and play the countdown theme on the clarinet at the same time?
36:41I'll give it a go
36:42I'll put this song to me
36:43Yeah
36:44LAUGHTER
36:45Absolutely, yeah
36:46OK, and your time starts
36:48One, two, three, four, now
36:51Oh, God!
37:08It's so hard to go
37:10It's really hard!
37:12Can you stop?
37:14Don't stop!
37:19Don't stop!
37:21APPLAUSE
37:22That's right, well done
37:26Nothing
37:28I've got seven
37:28John, what have you got?
37:30I've got zero
37:30He's got nothing
37:31You've got nothing, you were playing the clarinet
37:32I was playing the clarinet
37:32I've got an alibi
37:33Yeah, Catherine, you've got
37:35Seven
37:35Judy?
37:36Seven
37:36How many?
37:37Five
37:38Four
37:38Five
37:40I've got a name
37:41Dante
37:43Nice!
37:44Classy
37:45Dante
37:45OK, John, how many?
37:48Eight
37:48We're all having fun over it
37:50I think we've done well
37:50You slide your eight in
37:51What's your eight?
37:53I did that on the pilates earlier
37:56Katherine
37:57What's your word?
37:57Tainted
37:58Tainted
37:59Oh, nice
38:01Rob, you're seven
38:02Tainted
38:02Touch, movie, between
38:06Tainted
38:07I love John, it's a lovely guy
38:09But when he's winning
38:10This little weasel comes out
38:13OK, John, what is your eight?
38:16Dominate
38:17Oh
38:19OK, so that's eight points to John
38:21OK, Spencer, Susie, could they have done any better?
38:24Not any better
38:25We've got two other eights
38:26Antidote
38:27And a word I've never heard before
38:29Tomarteen
38:29Tomarteen
38:30Tomarteen
38:31Yes, it's a compound in tomatoes
38:32So, at the end of that
38:33John and Judy are in the lead with 38 points
38:37APPLAUSE
38:39OK, guys
38:41Tomarteen once again to pass to Dictionary Corner
38:43Spencer, what have you got for us?
38:46Um, well, currently I'm a bit skint
38:47But eventually you get paid
38:49And you go from
38:49I'm just going to have beans and toast tonight
38:51To this guy
38:53LAUGHTER
38:55Just been paid, didn't I?
38:57LAUGHTER
38:58Put your money away, mate
38:59I'll get these
39:02Uh, twelve Zambucas please, mate
39:03Does anyone else want twelve Zambucas?
39:05They're all for me!
39:06Why have you been skint?
39:08You've been having a little look online
39:09You might have been having a look at a new laptop, Susie
39:11Um, but that little voice in your head
39:13Once you start it
39:14It starts to get louder and louder
39:16It starts going
39:17I'm going to buy a stair bladder
39:19LAUGHTER
39:20It's useful
39:23Heelys
39:24In my size
39:26LAUGHTER
39:28So I bought that
39:35And you know like everyone's got a rap song
39:37That they swear they know the words to
39:39But they don't know the words
39:41You know that song
39:42They don't know the words
39:42They just know how every word sounds
39:44Happens in the car with me
39:45A rap song will come
39:46And I'll go
39:46Kids, I know this one from back in the day
39:48Don't know the words
39:48Just make up the words
39:49It's like
39:50Skim, skim's got a poopity-dee
39:52He's going
39:52Bam, bam, booby-bomba-doo-ba-da-dee
39:55Shopping at the camera show me the sea
39:57Said a cry, skat-pap-a-dop-a-dop-a-dop-a-dop-a-dop-a-dop-a-dop-a
40:00-dop-a-dop-a-dop-a-dop-a-dop-a-dop-a-dop-a-dop-a-dop
40:25See you after the break
40:40Welcome back the answer to the teaser
40:41The words were
40:42Rob's pole
40:43The clue was
40:43Try and keep a straight face
40:44It was of course
40:45Bloopers
40:46Time for our final letters game
40:48John and Judy
40:49Your turn to choose the letters
40:50Go on King
40:51Lead
40:52Wow
40:54Daddy's got this
40:56Daddy
40:59Why are you brewing that?
41:02Jimmy's getting his gloves on
41:05You ready for daddy?
41:09That's how he eats a sandwich, fucking serial killer
41:16May I have a consonant please, Rachel?
41:18You may
41:19N
41:20And a vowel please
41:22O
41:23Got two words
41:25Too low
41:26Too low
41:29And we're going to stick, thank you
41:32A consonant please
41:34L
41:35And a vowel please
41:37U
41:38And a consonant please
41:40R
41:41A vowel please
41:42E
41:43And a consonant please
41:45Q
41:46Okay, while you do that
41:47I've got a patient to see
41:48A consonant please
41:50K
41:51Oh, these are awful
41:54A consonant please
41:56And a final G
41:58Oh dear
41:59L
42:00L
42:00Okay, next
42:03Oh, you again
42:07With the dog breath
42:08How's the missus?
42:10Are you okay?
42:11I'm just going to brush your little teeth
42:11And
42:12Okay, your time starts now
42:18You okay?
42:19How are your canines?
42:20Such a good boy
42:23You want to brush?
42:24Brush, brush
42:24I don't want to
42:25I don't want to
42:26It's nice, isn't it?
42:27Or
42:30It's okay
42:37Oh
42:37Oh
42:38Yeah, don't you like to
42:39Yeah
42:45It's okay
42:47Yeah
42:48Is this your dog?
42:50Yeah
42:51Could you give me a smile there?
42:53because it's quite
43:04Catherine John Rob how many I got five okay, John. I've got a three
43:10Three gathering how many I got seven Jimmy. Okay. I Judy how many surprisingly two
43:19Judy and I
43:22I
43:22We've got a seven. Yeah Judy. What's your two? No
43:28John what's your nor
43:33Yeah, Rob loner loner
43:37John your son
43:40Traditionally on the show you go with the risky one first. No, I don't I don't give a shit cuz
43:44I'm just
43:45I'm here for shits and giggles mate, and I've already had one
43:57Lounger Catherine is that yourself? Well similar. I've got longer
44:00But I don't know
44:02Oh lovely
44:04Use for that so it's l-o-n-g-u-e-u-r seven points to John
44:10Oh
44:15Spencer Susie could they have done any better? No lounger with ours as well now whenever we have the clarinet
44:21played on the show
44:22We do something a little bit special the traditional countdown is a 29 point conundrum
44:26I look forward to losing that you've been you've been patronized Rob and I wouldn't stand for it
44:32Yeah, okay fingers on buzzers. It's time for today's
44:3729 points
44:38Countdown conundrum. She doesn't know where the buzzer is
44:42Wait fair this Judy. We didn't give you a buzzer because we don't think you're gonna need it
44:48Okay fingers on buzzers it's time for today's crucial countdown conundrum your time starts go on John
44:54Yeah, at least look
44:59I haven't got it. Let's restart that
45:12Origin
45:12This is absolutely wrong wrong. Oh
45:21Foreigner I
45:23I can't shout that anyway
45:31Let's have a look and see if Judy love has got the conundrum
45:39So the the final schools are Robin Catherine and John have 17 points
45:48Judy have 74
46:15Congratulations you're now the proud owner of this the countdown fencing kit
46:48Thanks
46:49Finally revealed in taskmaster class
46:53You
46:55You
46:56You
46:56You
47:02You
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