From a childhood filled with neglect, verbal abuse, and family betrayal, Sandra Boykin endured horrors no child should ever face. Blamed for her family’s problems, assaulted by predators, and left alone as a teenager with no support, she faced unimaginable challenges—from surviving a two-week coma to enduring toxic relationships and an attempted overdose. Yet, she refused to let her past define her. Today, she is a mother, a writer, and a survivor, sharing her story to inspire others to overcome trauma, find strength, and reclaim their lives.
This is a real story of survival, resilience, and breaking the cycle.
#survivalstory #childabuse #overcomingtrauma
Thank you for watching Unfiltered Stories! We offer a platform for our guests to speak openly about their life stories and journeys, shedding light on the challenges they faced and the resilience they've shown.
Our mission is to raise awareness about survivors by delving into their stories, exploring the impact of their experiences, and how they've managed to heal and rebuild their lives.
By sharing these stories, we aim to break the silence surrounding those challenging memories and create a compassionate environment.
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This is a real story of survival, resilience, and breaking the cycle.
#survivalstory #childabuse #overcomingtrauma
Thank you for watching Unfiltered Stories! We offer a platform for our guests to speak openly about their life stories and journeys, shedding light on the challenges they faced and the resilience they've shown.
Our mission is to raise awareness about survivors by delving into their stories, exploring the impact of their experiences, and how they've managed to heal and rebuild their lives.
By sharing these stories, we aim to break the silence surrounding those challenging memories and create a compassionate environment.
🌅 FOLLOW US 🌅
Facebook ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredFB
Tiktok ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredTT
Snapchat ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredSN
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NewsTranscript
00:00It was a family member that started taking pictures of me. I was about 10 and I didn't
00:04know that it was simple. I just knew that he told me I was pretty and this continued on for
00:09years
00:10until right at the end of my junior high year, getting ready to go into high school,
00:15he showed me his promise.
00:21After I was hit by the car and I came home six weeks later after being in a coma for
00:26two weeks
00:27and my mother started calling me stupid. She looked at me one day and she said,
00:31you ain't never going to amount to nothing. You're just stupid. And she said, you're the reason why
00:36me and your father are not together. I should have aborted you when he told me. And I'm standing
00:41there thinking it's not the cause of him beating you practically every day. It's me. I'm about 10
00:48to 12 when these sentences started coming to me and I couldn't understand what I had done. I was a
00:53good child. I did what I was told. So when I did get to junior high, middle school, what it's
00:58called
00:58now, when they would say, Hey, white girl from that book, I didn't understand at first, but I just went
01:04along with it. When I went to a predominantly white junior high, I really didn't have any friends
01:09because growing up, we couldn't go past the corner on the street. We had a store, two stores on each
01:15corner and I couldn't leave no further than that. So I was raised with no friends, raised sheltered in
01:21a house. When I got to my senior year in junior high, I enjoyed going to that school. But one
01:28day
01:28I was grabbing my books to leave. Then all of a sudden, a bunch of guys came and brush me
01:37and started
01:38touching me. I didn't even know what to do. And then I screamed. And one of my teachers came out
01:43the class from, but she only was able to catch a couple of them. And I didn't know why, what
01:50had
01:50happened? What did I do? Then a few days later, they must've grabbed a couple of high school students
01:57they knew. I was leaving school to go get the bus. They grabbed me, pushed me down on the ground
02:03school. And my mother did me. I didn't know what to do, but I did tell my mother and she
02:08was able to
02:08transfer me to another school. But understand my mother, like I need to mention this, after the car
02:14accident, my mother got the check. Like when I said, she said, you ate, didn't you? You had a roof
02:19over
02:20your head, didn't you? You had clothes on your back, didn't you? Didn't you? Don't worry me about
02:24that. You know, it was her thing. Don't worry me. Don't question me. My mother's concern would be like
02:29for me and my sisters. If you got in a bus accident or something like that, fall down on the
02:34ground so
02:34I can get a check. Fall down. Even if you're not hurt, pretend you hurt. This was hard for me.
02:41And
02:41there was a family member that had married into my family that started taking pictures of me. I was
02:47about 10 because I didn't have any attention in my family. My family was around and I didn't know that
02:53it was. I just knew that he told me I was pretty and he wanted to take pictures of me.
02:59And this continued on for years until right at the end of my junior high year, getting ready to go
03:06into high school, that he took advantage of the predator that he is. And he showed me his
03:14one day when I was over to my family member's house. I mean, literally just came under at the bed
03:20and pulled the covers back to say that, oh, I was just wondering if he was touching my daughter's
03:25leg or something like that. I told that family member and I told my mother, nothing was done.
03:31So not only knowing that my mother hated me, my sisters didn't care about me. Nobody stood up for
03:39me to say anything. Nobody said, how did that affect you? Nobody said anything. You was afraid to talk to
03:48somebody. You didn't have nobody to go to. I know what it's like because I didn't. I'm 15 at this
03:56point,
03:56still a virgin, being excited about going to high school, going to this all girls school where they
04:03graduated in white gowns with holding red roses was something that my siblings had already experienced.
04:10And boy, could I wait. Boy, I couldn't wait to do this. Like I said, going into high school,
04:16I started noticing you had to take an entrance exam to go to this school. And I passed it in
04:22the 10th
04:22grade with flying colors when I went. So I'm like, what is going on? Then at home, things were getting
04:30burnt. It was like living at home with my mother and one sister. She would give me grief every day.
04:39And one
04:40day I decided to take my life. I found every pain in the bathroom that I could find. And I
04:48took it.
04:49And I had told my sister not to tell anyone. I said, don't say nothing. Don't say nothing. But that
04:56secret lasted about 30 seconds. And then I was, remember sitting, felt like somebody was spraying or
05:03sprinkling water. It was stinging my face. I felt water stinging my face. And the next thing I knew,
05:10I was in the shower, fully clothed with the shower, cold water just pouring down on me. I don't,
05:18I must have blacked out. I don't remember anything after that. When I woke up, I was in my bed
05:23in the
05:24morning and my mother came into the bedroom and she said, stay home from school today and think about
05:31what you did and slam the door. Not long after this, my mother left me. She left me and another
05:36sibling
05:37in the apartment. The rent wasn't paid. I just had my tonsils and adenoids taken out. And she gave me
05:43a $5 bill and said, go up to the Rite Aid and get some Tylenol and left out, left me.
05:48I was 15,
05:50turning 16. I dropped out of school. I started smoking for like three months. One day when I woke up,
05:57I was in my bed and fully clothed. And I didn't remember how I got there. And that made the
06:03decision
06:03that I wasn't smoking anymore. Cause I felt like somebody must have believed it was something.
06:08And when she left me, I did go to my father's house, which originally was fine. And then things
06:15changed. One of my sisters was coming back home from college. He changed up. He was like, uh,
06:20I had to do this. I had to do that. And then one day he just dropped me off at
06:25my, um, my aunt's house,
06:27told her he would pay her a hundred dollars if she would keep me a week. During that time,
06:31I was dropped off another family's houses. And I went with two of my cousins. One of my cousins was
06:36a boy.
06:36So I spent the whole summer running from him. He wanted to desperately have sex with me.
06:42This is my second cousin. And one night I woke up, he had his hands over my mouth and nose,
06:47had his one hand cupped over my mouth and nose. And he told me I better not scream,
06:52that I better not tell anybody what he was doing. And I asked
06:57myself, who would I tell? My parents didn't care. My sisters apparently didn't care anything.
07:05Who was I going to tell that I was being? Who was I going to tell that I had a
07:10family member's
07:11husband trying to take advantage of me? Who cared? I went to the school guidance counselor's office and
07:18she just listened. And then with the bell rang, she was asked time for you to go to the other
07:22class.
07:23Again, there was nobody. And I did not want anybody to know that I was in foster care. I didn't
07:30want
07:30anybody to know that I was being. I didn't want anybody to know because then I knew being around
07:37them, I'd be an outcast. And then I wanted to go to college to be a journalist. I love to
07:42write.
07:43I started writing as a little girl and that's what I wanted. But my mother made sure it didn't happen.
07:48The torment that I continued to go through, being in foster care, going back and forth. I was just,
07:55felt like I was just thrown back and forth, back and forth. But again, nobody knew.
08:00What good am I? Nobody loves me. Nobody cares if I live a dog. I knew college wasn't in the
08:09picture.
08:11For me, my parents didn't care. If anything happened to me, my mother got the check.
08:19So, I looked at my books. I looked at the door. And then I threw the books in the trash
08:29can. And I
08:30walked out that school that I loved and never turned back. When I turned 18, I rented a room from
08:39a friend
08:40of mine. And he was a friend, went to one of them schools and rented a room from him and
08:48was working at
08:48the 7-Eleven. I started drinking real heavily. He had a fiancé he was sleeping with. He had a friend
08:57of
08:58mine he was sleeping with. And he also desperately wanted to sleep with me. And I met my, well,
09:04I already knew my future husband. But he and I started seeing each other more regularly. And one day,
09:10I got pregnant. My mother told me that I would never be able to have children because of the accident.
09:15He and I, he came home from college. He and I decided to abort the baby. It was early on.
09:21And I
09:21said, well, so at this time, I was considering, what am I going to do for me? I'm just going
09:26to go
09:27ahead and join the army and get the heck away from the city I was raised in, get away from
09:34my family,
09:35get away from all of them. You know, so do, because I was always a career-oriented person.
09:41So I decided that, but I kept on seeing this guy. And back then, I don't know about young ladies
09:48now,
09:49but back then we thought, oh, if a guy wanted to continue to see me and he didn't have to
09:54come
09:54here and pay $300 for the abortion. I mean, I'm like, oh, he must really like me. Somebody really
10:01likes me. Somebody really cares about me. He would talk to me on the phone when he got out of
10:07the school,
10:08got home from school every day. So I'm laid up in his bed again. I get into the army in
10:14Fort
10:14Jackson, South Carolina. Three days later, they call me private. Did you know you were pregnant?
10:21I just fell inside myself saying, what is this? I'm pregnant again, six months later. And so I gave in,
10:32my belly got bigger and we had a baby. I moved home with my mother because I came back home
10:38from
10:38the military and I didn't have any other job. I didn't have any place to go. So she had let
10:45me
10:45come home and stay with her. But not long after that, after my baby was born, I heard her say
10:51to my
10:52other sister, I'm going to get an apartment for us and we're going to leave her here. And then I
10:56said,
10:57here my mother is again with me having a baby going to leave me, abandon me with this baby.
11:04And I don't have no place to go. So I told him and he surprised me and got an apartment
11:10for the three of us. And I'm thinking, okay, maybe we'll get married and have a family and I'll get
11:15a
11:15job. And you know, so I did, I got a job with one of the staffing companies, which landed me
11:21a job with
11:22the state. And I was like, okay, so if I can't go and be a journalist, I'll be a legal
11:27secretary.
11:28You know, I'm gonna do, I'm gonna keep pushing. I'm pushing and pushing and pushing. But things
11:33didn't last. And one night he got home late from work and he choked me. He come running across the
11:39room and grabbed my throat with his hands and started choking me. I couldn't believe. And I'm like,
11:47what are you doing? What are you doing? I can't believe. And eventually he stopped. He let go.
11:52And then everything seemed to normal. And what he wanted to do after that was have...
11:58I didn't know what else to do. And I stayed with him and the abuse continued. It was the normal,
12:06I'm not going to do it again. I'm sorry that I did it. Buy me a gift and I'm sorry.
12:13When I called my parents, after I called the shelter that didn't have any room, my mother said,
12:19well, you know where I live at? I can't have, she had moved to a housing development. I can't have
12:24nobody come live with me. And my father said, I don't get involved in married people's business.
12:29Not long after that, my mother left because one of my siblings needed a place to stay.
12:34And she left that place and went and got a regular apartment so she could move her in.
12:39But not me. But I stayed.
12:47And the night before my wedding, we were talking and I was passing my baby's crib.
12:53And I think I told him it's no reason for us to get married. He grabbed me right by our
12:58baby.
12:58And he said, you want to marry me? You want to marry me tomorrow? And I went on though and
13:03got my own
13:04apartment, you know, and not in front of my children, but I started partying. I started
13:09having again, like I was before when I was young, you know, it didn't matter, you know, just like how
13:15often I wanted to have, it was like, I was like, girl from the movie, she got to have it.
13:19I'm like,
13:20I wanted two, three times a day. And I couldn't understand why, but that was the purpose. I mean,
13:24I just was all the time, you know, I take my kids to the babysitter, you know, or they'd be
13:29in the bed,
13:29sleep, and they didn't know I was having a three-year-old. And I had no reason and I couldn't
13:34understand why my body was like that. As going on into my life, I'm in my twenties now. The Lord
13:39had laid out on my heart for me to move from that state that I'd always wanted to move from
13:45and move down south to North Carolina. And he made everything available for me to do that
13:50financially and everything. I was ready to go. And I had traveled to North Carolina and got a
13:56position, a well-good position, paying me a lot more than I was making for the state. So that's
14:02what I was going to do, pack up. I didn't have to ask him because I had full custody of
14:06my children.
14:07But one night before I moved, I got on my knees and I asked God, why am I like this?
14:13Why do I feel
14:14like I've got to have all day if I can? And he said to me so clearly, this is not
14:22who you are. This is
14:24what you've become because what's happened to you. All the years of being touched, all the years of
14:31being fondled without my permission, all the years of having and not knowing what I was doing to my
14:38body and my soul. I had no idea. As women, we are receptors and men are depositors. And I'm dealing
14:48with everything, every spirit, every person that these men had slept with. Over 20 years, I was
14:55delivered and I did not have, I didn't have a need for it. I focused on raising my children. I
15:02focused
15:02on my career. And then a blessing started to come. I wanted to write again. I started feeling that need
15:10to write. And I had published my first book. This book is fiction, but it is also about my life.
15:18Something
15:19about a girl who is raised sheltered and becomes silent. And the book cover, if you can see it good,
15:26pretty much tells about the girl's life. If you can see her with her hand, she has no face,
15:32which means she has no identity. And during the time of this first one, I was approached by a
15:38publisher, uh, TV, no TV producer. And she came up to me. I was in the FedEx making some copies
15:45of
15:45things. And she asked, had you ever been on TV to talk about your book? And I'm like, no. She
15:50said,
15:51well, would you like to go? Sure I would. So I want y'all to be encouraged today. I want
15:57you to know that
15:57no matter what somebody says to you, no matter what somebody looks at you, I don't care what family member,
16:05what friend that might be jealous of you, that might see things in you that you don't see in yourself,
16:12trust in God and know that he had you. Trust in him, trust in the process. Because I'm here to
16:18tell
16:18you a little girl that was hated, a little girl that was almost drowned by her mother, a little girl
16:25who wanted to kill herself is sitting here before you telling you it can be done. So this is why
16:32I'm
16:33born here today, telling you that. And I thank you for taking the time to listen to me. God bless.
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