He Took Her Childhood Away - Surviving A Horror Upbringing - video Dailymotion

Unfiltered Stories

He took her childhood away...   Today on Unfiltered Stories, we are talking with Desi who suffered abuse at the hands of her step-father from the young age of 7. After years of torture, she finally spoke up and saved herself from him but that was not the end. Desi speaks with us today about how she managed to survive and stay strong against all odds, her story gives hope to others who have been subjected to an abusive childhood.   #UnfilteredStories #ChildhoodAbuse #Survivor   Thank you for watching Unfiltered Stories! We offer a platform for our guests to speak openly about their life stories and journeys, shedding light on the challenges they faced and the resilience they've shown.   Our mission is to raise awareness about survivors by delving into their stories, exploring the impact of their experiences, and how they've managed to heal and rebuild their lives.  By sharing these stories, we aim to break the silence surrounding those challenging memories and create a compassionate environment.   🌅 FOLLOW US 🌅  Facebook ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredFB  Tiktok ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredTT  Snapchat ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredSN

Transcript

00:00Hi, my name is Desi, and I am a survivor of physical and sexual child abuse trauma.

00:04I always say I was born in a trauma, basically. My parents had a very toxic marriage and abusive

00:11marriage and all types of stuff. And so I saw a lot of things at a very young age. My

00:16brother is

00:16three years younger than me. So I kind of felt like I always needed to try and protect him the

00:22best I could. So when my parents got divorced when I was six, my mom met my stepfather, John,

00:27and he came into the picture pretty shortly after they got divorced. I want to say I was around

00:31seven. I have, you know, little bits and pieces of memory of that time. But I think, you know,

00:38from what I remember is I didn't like him, but I also didn't not like it. I just didn't really

00:43trust him, I guess. So I don't really remember the first time the abuse started. I remember

00:50there were certain incidences, like I saw him lose his temper. I saw he had like a anger,

00:57anger type issue. But I do know that he kind of slowly started getting me like, oh, call me dad.

01:04I'm like, I'm here for you. And kind of that, again, that whole grooming process of me starting

01:09to trust him. One of the memories I have is we were watching a movie late at night and he

01:14asked me

01:14to sit on his lap. And it was, my mom must have went to sleep. My brothers were sleeping. I

01:19don't

01:19really remember the details except for I was sitting in his lap, on his lap at one point. And again,

01:24he kind of grew me into thinking he was that father figure in my life at that time. And so

01:30I don't

01:31remember if I was like hesitant or not. But I do know that that was kind of one of the

01:36first times

01:37when he started actual touching and that type of stuff. I remember in the moment thinking,

01:42this is weird. I don't think this is a father daughter relationship type situation. That's the

01:48first memory that my therapist has been able to dig up. It could have started at seven. Again,

01:53I met him around that time. But I know for sure, I like to say eight because I know for

01:57sure it was

01:58happening at that time. The reason I didn't say anything to my mom and my brother is from the

02:01beginning, he told me, hey, this is our secret. You can't tell anybody. You can't tell anybody.

02:07And I just kept that secret at first. And I knew it was wrong, but I was also scared of

02:11him. So I was

02:12kind of like, I better not say anything. How escalated was from what I remember is it just kind

02:18of kept getting worse. And he would come in at night and get me out of my bed. And then

02:23I started

02:24sleeping with my brother because I told my mom I had nightmares, but really I was scared of him.

02:29And so then he would go in and get me out of my brother's bed or he would check me

02:33out of school,

02:34take me somewhere random, like an abandoned house. He would take me to like a construction site or

02:40he would park like at a golf course, like behind the trees or things like that. And then he would

02:45abuse me and then he would take me back to school. And at that point is, I remember the threats

02:51had

02:51kind of started to get like worse and worse. I remember when I finally realized it was wrong

02:56and I just cried and I told him, you know, I was like, this isn't okay. Like, I don't want

03:00to do this.

03:00Like, why are you doing this to me? And then he was like, if you ever say anything, I'll kill

03:05you

03:05or your mom. I'll kill, I'll bury your mom and your dad alive. I'll kill your brother,

03:10all types of things. And so it kind of really, really quickly got pretty violent to the point

03:15where, you know, he would hit me, he would knock me out and he would hold a knife to my

03:20throat. He

03:20would hold a pillow over my face until I would lose consciousness. I'm pretty sure he broke my ribs

03:25at one point and he knew how to do it in a way where I wouldn't necessarily bruise, like in

03:29my stomach

03:29and stuff, like where I wouldn't bruise, but it would still scare me. I don't really remember when things

03:34escalated, but I do remember it was pretty quickly. Like at first it was every once in a while. And

03:40then it kind of went to like weekly. And then that last, next thing I know, I remember it being

03:44like

03:45almost a daily thing from flestation of just touching to full on and you know, the worst

03:53things that you can think of. I definitely think I started to change. My personality started to change.

03:58I do remember in school and things like that. Um, I started with like not take care of myself.

04:04Like I remember I would wear clothes that were too big or I would not do my hair or things

04:10like that,

04:10because I thought if I was disgusting on the outside, he'd leave me alone. But then, but then

04:17because of that, I got bullied really bad in school. And so I didn't really have a safe place. I

04:24would be

04:24bullied at school, bullied at home. And so I kind of just remember being really depressed at that time.

04:30Mental health wasn't really a known thing. At least nobody talked about it, but looking back,

04:35I definitely think I had depression, anxiety, like, like crazy. I remember having full panic attacks.

04:41So I guess when I was around probably like 12, 13 is when I really started to struggle mentally.

04:48I started having my, like my eating disorder when I was around 13, started cutting. I was bulimic.

04:54Anorexic, anorexic, all the things. I tried to kill myself about four times and I should be dead

05:00based on the things that I did. I had really bad insomnia. I don't think I ever slept. Um,

05:06I did really bad in school cause I would sleep in school cause I didn't feel safe, like at home,

05:10obviously to sleep. And so I finally asked my mom to let me get a lock on my door in

05:15our new house.

05:16I remember one night he had come, he tried to come in my room and I remember him trying to

05:22like

05:22pick the lock on my door. Um, I remember him whispering and just saying, open the effing door,

05:27open the effing door, like trying to jiggle. And I think I honestly don't think I took a breath that

05:32entire time. I don't know how long it was. I just remember I laid in my bed and prayed and

05:37just did

05:37not move for what felt like hours. And then he finally gave up and went to bed. And I remember

05:43that

05:43next, like, that's where I believe like my higher power took over. And I was like, I have to get

05:48help.

05:49If I don't get help now, I'm going to die. Either I'm going to successfully kill myself

05:53or he's going to kill me. Like I knew it was just getting worse and worse every single time. It

05:58was

05:58more and more violent and more and more intrusive, just horrible. And so that morning I remember I

06:04woke up and I remember I just like, I'm about to make a huge decision. And I remember thinking like,

06:09if he finds out I'm screwed, like I'm dead. And so I went to school, told my teacher,

06:14she actually went and reported it to the school counselor. Well, because of my past with my eating

06:22disorder, my cutting and my attempt to suicide, this counselor just basically she told her straight

06:28up, she said, it's just Desi and she's being a drama queen. It's not true. And I remember thinking,

06:34that's it. Like, I hear this was my chance and she doesn't believe me and I'm dead. And I remember

06:40that teacher telling her, that's not our job. Our job is not to investigate. We're not the police.

06:47Our job is to report what she's telling us. And so they did. They called. I remember a lady showed

06:54up,

06:54a little lady detective, and she said, look, your teacher told me what you said. This is a huge, huge

07:01accusation, but your school counselor doesn't think that you're telling the truth. I need you to tell me

07:07right now because if this isn't the truth, then this can end up causing some huge problems if it's

07:12not the truth. And I remember looking at her and she looked at me in the eyes and I remember

07:17my eyes like filled up with tears. And I said, I promise that he's been doing this for a long

07:24time.

07:24And if you send me home, you'll never see me again. He will kill me. And I remember she grabbed

07:29my hand and started crying. And I remember she said, I believe you. And he got free to life

07:35for what happened to me, which is three minimum of three years. And obviously Max's life. He ended

07:42up being in there for 10 years. And during that time, our life flipped upside down. I after right

07:48after I I told and after the court process is when I remember the mental health hitting me really hard.

07:56And I just wanted to die and I didn't want to be here anymore. And I hated my mom and

08:00I hated my dad

08:01and I hated my family. And I was so angry at everybody. And I just like hated myself. I

08:06couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. And I just remember like I ruined everyone's life. And

08:11you know, this is all my fault and just taking all their blame and shame for everything that had

08:15happened. And my parents actually ended up taking me to a residential treatment program here in Utah.

08:22And I lived in that residential treatment program for two years. I was there from 15 to 17. They brought

08:29my mom in multiple times and told her Desi will never be able to drive a car. She'll never live

08:36a normal life. She'll be inside hospitals for the rest of her life. She's basically a lost cause. Like

08:42I should be in a state hospital for the rest of my life is what they would tell my mom.

08:46So during that

08:46time, I was in treatment. I was like I said, I was there for two years. I finally got out

08:52when I was 17.

08:53I decided to move to New Mexico, move to Albuquerque, move to New Mexico at 17 years old because I

09:00had been

09:01in treatment for so long. I didn't know how to finish school. I didn't know how to do all those

09:07things. So it was really confusing and I didn't know how to pick my life back up. And so I

09:12decided

09:13to leave and I did. And I went to like I said, I went to New Mexico. That's where I

09:17met my husband.

09:17We lived there for a year. Then we moved back to Utah. When we moved back to Utah, when I

09:23was around

09:2319, 20 years old, I believe, is when I first started realizing this is what I want to do for

09:29the rest of my life. Like I want to help people. So I became a, you know, psych tech and

09:34then a

09:34counselor and all the things. I just functioned every day. I went to work, came home and I just kind

09:41of

09:41went through the motions of life. I wasn't, I wasn't actually living. I was just surviving.

09:46And during this time, you know, I was told I wouldn't be able to have children. Basically,

09:51I have obviously really bad scar tissue. My husband and I ended up having a total of five

09:57miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy. So I ended up having both of my children that I have now with

10:03one tube, which is a double miracle. And that's when the doctor said I couldn't have any more children.

10:09Yeah, I, I was, I was basically surviving, like I said, until 2015. And this is where the whole,

10:16this is where the story gets even a little bit more crazy. So in 2015, my stepfather was released

10:21from prison and I was told that he had a parole hearing coming up. I went, tried to tell them,

10:28wrote a letter, did a statement, all the things, and they still let him out. My life again,

10:34flipped upside down. My mental health just completely fell again. And I was so depressed

10:39and I couldn't imagine walking the streets with him walking the same streets. Like it was just

10:44so hard for me to comprehend. I was terrified. But if I saw him, when he knows where we live.

10:50So I was coming home from my best friend's baby shower one day and my daughter was in the car

10:54seat.

10:54At this point, she was around one. And I looked to my left and he's in a car next to

11:00me.

11:00And he's with someone else. He's in the passenger seat. And I remember he got behind me and I was

11:06frozen. I called my therapist and I was talking to her. She's like, breathe. I want you to breathe.

11:12Everything's okay. She's like, Desi, I want you to pull off the freeway and I need you to get away

11:16from him as quick as possible. So from that day on, my phone would just ring and I would answer

11:22it.

11:22And it would, um, just, it would just be someone breathing. I knew it was him. I knew it was

11:27him.

11:27And I was like, and I would try telling my mom and my dad. And I, everyone just said it

11:31was

11:31basically my PTSD. I thought I saw him at Costco. I thought I saw him at the store. I thought

11:36I saw

11:37him, um, at work. I thought I saw him, like, I would think I saw him all the time. And

11:41then one

11:42day we saw someone sitting in front of my house. My husband ran out. I tried to call the police

11:47and

11:47he sped off as fast, like skid out of my, my street. And my neighbors had seen him and said

11:52he had

11:53been sitting there for over an hour, just sitting in his car, things like that happen. At this point,

11:57I tried calling his parole officer. I tried calling everybody. I tried telling, um, I called

12:02the board of pardons, everything, never received a phone call back. I was basically just completely

12:07dismissed until 2019. I get a phone call from the FBI. And during this time I had always kept track

12:15of him. Like if he was rearrested, I would get a message from Vine, which is like victim's information,

12:22something. So then this time I got a notification. He was back in jail, but I didn't even think twice

12:26because it had happened before. So then the FBI called and said, I don't know if you know,

12:31but John was rearrested. And I was like, yes, I was notified by Vine, you know? And he's like, well,

12:37so I, I need to tell you what's happening. Um, are you okay? Can you sit down? And I remember

12:42being

12:42so confused. And he just said, so basically John was involved in that underground human,

12:50or like he underground child ring that was busted here in the state of Utah. Well, they ended up

12:56doing a search. They did all the things and they searched his apartment, his cell phone and his

13:00laptop. And this is when the cop said, I don't know how to tell you this, but when we searched

13:06all

13:07everything for John, he had over 200 pictures of child with your face cut out and put on every single

13:15picture of child. So he had digitally and physically put my face on children who were being human

13:25trafficked, raped, all the things. And he had pictures of it. And he had pictures of me at the

13:30park with my children. He had pictures of me on the front porch of my house. He had pictures of

13:34me at

13:34the store. Like I thought he had pictures of me on crime scenes at work. And I was shocked and

13:41it was

13:42horrifying. And I remember being so angry because I was like, here I am advocating. I had already

13:47started before advocating. I was doing all my podcasts. I was starting to do all the things

13:52advocating for survivors. And yet I'm being victimized all over again. And I remember being

13:57so confused about it and so angry and being like, why am I even trying? Like I'm never going to

14:03be free

14:03of him. It was, it was horrible. And it was, took me a couple of weeks and I looked myself

14:08in the

14:08mirror and I said, we're done. I said, Desi, you let him take your past. You will not let him

14:14take any

14:15more of your future. And I remember saying, I'm going to fight back. Like, screw this. I'm done.

14:19And I was, I ended up going to court. I testified against him in July, 2020. And he got basically

14:26life

14:26in prison. He still has a chance of parole, but it's very unlikely. Um, but he did get life in

14:33prison. So what I'm doing today, um, you know, like I said, I already started the podcast. You

14:39know, I always tell people like, even in the darkest of darkness, you can find light. You can

14:43find light within yourself to pull yourself out of it. You can turn your mess into a message. You have

14:49a purpose in your trauma. Like those are the things that you can, you can do. You don't have to

14:54let

14:54this destroy your life. You can have a life actually full of joy and happiness. You don't

14:59have to be a victim your entire life. After court in 2020 was when I finally was like, okay,

15:05this needs to be something more than a podcast. I have my nonprofit foundation, which it's also

15:10the same as the podcast and it's candle in a dark room. So basically I went from starting

15:17with my story to interviewing other survivors of trauma who tell their story of recovery.

15:23This is Desi from candle in a dark room. And I just want to say thank you for taking the

15:28time to listen. I hope I was able to give any of you guys some hope, um, that no matter

15:34what

15:35you're going through, that you can get through it. If you have any questions, please reach

15:39out to me. I'm always here to offer support to you, to other survivors. Um, but thank you

15:44guys so much for being here.

He Took Her Childhood Away - Surviving A Horror Upbringing

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