Domestic Violence Started At Her Wedding Day!

Unfiltered Stories

Today, our guest Michele Weldon shares her life story with us. Michelle suffered from domestic violence for 10 years of her marriage which started shortly after her wedding day. Despite the overwhelming challenges she took control, focusing on the healing part of her story.   #healingjourney #DVsurvivor #lifestory   Thank you for watching Unfiltered Stories! We offer a platform for our guests to speak openly about their life stories and journeys, shedding light on the challenges they faced and the resilience they've shown.   Our mission is to raise awareness about survivors by delving into their stories, exploring the impact of their experiences, and how they've managed to heal and rebuild their lives.  By sharing these stories, we aim to break the silence surrounding those challenging memories and create a compassionate environment.   🌅 FOLLOW US 🌅  Facebook ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredFB  Tiktok ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredTT  Snapchat ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredSN

Transcript

00:00Hi, I'm Michelle Weldon. I'm so happy to share a story that is powerful and personal and that I

00:08really hope helps shed some of the stigma that is around those of us who have suffered through

00:14intimate partner violence. I didn't date great people through high school and even had two

00:20marriage proposals before I ended up with the man I ultimately married. I was conscious of who he was.

00:27We went to the same high school and then we started dating when I was 25 and he then moved

00:35to

00:36Dallas after a year of dating when I got a job there. Everybody thought he was the perfect partner

00:43because he presents so well and he's so upbeat and he was absolutely adoring. You know, my parents

00:50were real pleased because it was the son of a good friend of theirs so they knew his background and

00:56his siblings and his parents and, you know, everything about them. So there was a hint on

01:02the wedding day and I was freaked out. We got married. We're in the church and I have all my

01:08bridesmaids, my sisters, you know, his, a few of his sisters. We were declared married by the priest.

01:15We turn around to face, you know, the friends and family who are all applauding and he holds his hand

01:22in the ear in a fist. Like I won, you know, it was so bizarre and I'm pulling on his

01:28arm like,

01:28put your arm down, put your arm down. And everybody, my sisters were like, that was the weirdest thing

01:34I ever saw. And then we got into the limo with two of my girlfriends that were bridesmaids and they're

01:42like, why did you do that weird thing? He's like, I don't know. I was just, you know, really happy,

01:46but it was like, now I have control of her. In the first few months, you know, we're okay. So

01:53four

01:54months we were, after we were married on Christmas Eve, we got home, had gotten home from a party and

02:03he slapped me. I don't even know what, what the argument was about. It was, you know, minor. And I

02:11was absolutely astounded. I just could not believe that just happened. And then it began a pattern of,

02:21you know, profuse apologies. And we saw a therapist after that and all through our marriage. And he was

02:32such a different person and the therapist as he was in between episodes. And episodes were about once

02:39a year. So I always felt like, oh, I'm taking care of this. And I dared not tell anyone in

02:48my family

02:49because I knew that my brothers would drive down and, you know, tell them to move out. And I knew

02:58my

02:58parents would be just so upset and, you know, take action for me. So I didn't dare tell them. I

03:06didn't

03:06dare tell any of my friends because I was absolutely cloaked in shame. But then again,

03:13the duration in between was filled with, you know, he was also still really controlling, but it was

03:20never physically violent. And he would do things like, you know, I was a columnist and did a lot of

03:27public speaking. And, you know, I was in charge of parades in different cities. And I was, you know,

03:34I had a public face. And I remember I came back, I had given a keynote at an event and

03:41he was there

03:41and I came back, you know, the crowd is cheering. It's like a couple of hundred people. I go back

03:47and sit down. I'm really elated. And he says, you spoke too fast. You know, little, little digs

03:53all the time. The episodes consisted of one strike and then he would always say it was a mistake.

04:00So what I learned later, of course, I read so much about this later, he would grab me so hard

04:07on the arm and there'd be bruises on the arm, or he would slap me on the chest so hard.

04:15And then

04:15what I understand, you know, certainly he wasn't professing this, but after they feel that they

04:21really have you, they initially bruise you and harm you on places that you can cover up when they feel

04:27incredibly empowered and in control of you. They go for your face. So in the ending months of our

04:35relationship, before I got an order of protection, the final time he had punched me in the face and,

04:42you know, left a huge bruise. And, uh, another time he grabbed the last time he grabbed my mouth

04:50and, uh, squeezed it so hard that I had blood marks all over the inside of my mouth. And I,

04:57I couldn't really talk well because my mouth was so swollen. Looking at it in retrospect,

05:04all these years later, I, I feel that, you know, why didn't I see that? But it just couldn't,

05:11I was overcome by the possibility of fixing it because, you know, by the end I had, we had three

05:18children. And in that last episode that happened at his parents, uh, summer house in Wisconsin when

05:26his parents were home and they saw, I mean, I screamed and they came into the room and my four

05:34year old son later that night said, did daddy hit you? And I was so stunned because he never did

05:42anything

05:42to me in front of them. But of course they knew what was going on, even at four. So I

05:49was like,

05:50this is over with. And his mother said to me, what did you do to make him mad? And I

05:57thought, well,

05:57if that isn't the worst question in the world, I just was like, I need to get out of here.

06:03You know,

06:03then I went into the room where the boys were because we were in a different room. So my three

06:08sons were all in a room with bunk beds and, uh, I slept in there and I put a dresser

06:14in front of

06:14the door so we wouldn't come in. And I, you know, I was planning what I was going to do.

06:19And I even was

06:20so aware of what needed to happen that I thought, well, I'm in Wisconsin right now. If I file a

06:26police

06:26report here, I'm going to have to come back here. And it was an hour and a half away from

06:30our home in

06:31Chicago. And, um, you know, thankfully my sister is a lawyer. She was a partner in a law firm that

06:38was medical male practice defense. So she wasn't family law, but she certainly knew the law. I'm

06:43like, I'm going to go home and, and tell my sister. And this was the 4th of July weekend. And,

06:49uh, the

06:50night that he did it was, you know, July 3rd. So I plotted out what I was going to do.

06:55I thought I'm

06:56just packing up the boys in the morning and leaving. And, you know, he can, he can get home

07:01on the train if he wants, but I'm going to have a plan. And I, you know, came out of

07:06the room with

07:07the boys, you know, we were all packed and, you know, had some breakfast and we're ready to go.

07:13And his father said, I will drive you back in my car. And then he can take the car and

07:18meet you at

07:19home. I was like, he cannot take the car. I'm leaving now. It was a lot. And then when I

07:24got home,

07:25uh, my sister, there was a family party for the 4th and I went and I told, and my sister

07:32Madeline

07:33said, we can, you know, Monday, we can, um, start to take care of this and get an emergency order

07:38of protection. So she had her law partner. He took my deposition. And when, when I talk about the

07:45episodes, I was really unaware of how many there were until he asked me, he was like, okay, is that

07:52it? And I'd say, no, you know, on January 5th of what year I had them all cataloged in my

08:00head of

08:01when, and, and I even surprised myself. So there were 13, 14 incidents and I knew the date. I knew

08:10what happened. I knew where it was. You know, I have since forgotten some of this, the specifics,

08:15but I sure didn't then because it was all waiting to come out and waiting for the truth to be

08:22revealed

08:23about him. And, and just to stop living this odd fantasy that everybody thought we were the perfect

08:30family. And he was just so marvelous and I just couldn't stand it anymore. And the thing that was

08:37ironic about not telling the truth was so, for so long was that, you know, I was a newspaper columnist

08:44and I had a personal column and I wrote about my sons and my life. I never wrote about him

08:51because

08:51I didn't want to write about him. But when I came out with the truth, I wrote a book about

08:57it. I came

08:57out with that. People were shocked, except my neighbor who lived behind us. I didn't tell her

09:04explicitly, but she said, you know, she would be over and she had two children and I had three and

09:11they were about around the same ages and we'd always play together in the family room. And he worked

09:15all the time. And she said, when the garage door went up and he was coming home, she said, your

09:20whole

09:20family changed. Everybody went from, you know, laughing and giggling and, you know, um, you know, maybe we

09:28were all having dinner together. It just, she said, it stopped when the garage door went up. I didn't feel

09:37that

09:37he was lethal. I thought he was really dangerous. I didn't fear for my life until the last time, you

09:45know, that was in his parents' house. He said, please God, let me kill her. So he's, he, you know,

09:52elucidated it. He pronounced it. It was a declaration. He was asking God for permission. You know, it's

09:59like, there's no choice here anymore. There is no forgiving this person. This was, um, you know, on the

10:04weekend, I don't know, it was like a Saturday. I don't remember, you know, which day was the 4th of

10:08July. But that week, like that Tuesday or Wednesday, we had been in the marriage counselors. And every

10:15week, the counselor would say, rate your marriage, you know, A through F. And he said, B plus. So as

10:22he's

10:22saying this, you know, praying for permission to kill me, I'm like, this was a B plus. What if it

10:28was a B minus?

10:30You know, and then it just became so abundantly clear to me. It was, there's no apology. There

10:37are no flowers for this. There's nothing for this. I'm saving myself and my sons. And, uh, that was it.

10:44I got home and told. And it changed. I do believe my family wondered about him. I knew that my

10:50sisters

10:51didn't like him, thought he was too many accolades coming from him. It's like, you know, he would give

10:57toast at parties to the best woman in the world. And, and I would, you know, not even be looking

11:03in his direction. So they're like, well, that's weird. You know, she doesn't even acknowledge when

11:08he's going, you know, overboard, telling the world that you are the best woman ever and the

11:14best wife and mother. And you don't even respond. So they know me well enough to know that something

11:20was wrong. And, uh, you know, the times that when he went for my face and I did have bruising,

11:27then I blamed it on my sons. I said, Oh, you know, threw a toy train when we were playing.

11:33He didn't mean it. He's sorry. And I didn't throw a toy train. And I would say, Oh, honey,

11:38you forgot. You know, I just ducked and was putting things away. It's not your fault. And yeah,

11:44I think intuitively my sisters knew something was amiss just because it was over the top.

11:52It was performative adoration and they, they're authentic and everyone in my family is authentic.

11:58And, um, you know, then after that, my brothers were like, yeah, I never liked them. I was like,

12:03well, thanks for telling me for different reasons. They thought he didn't pitch in at all at home.

12:09And, you know, both of my brothers were happily married and working and had children and definitely

12:16helped at home and understood that it was their job. And he knew from me, both of my brothers knew

12:23from me that he, he didn't help at all around the house. I mean, was even, you know, six, seven

12:29months

12:30old before he changed one single diaper. So I would say that, you know, to my brothers and I'd be

12:36like,

12:36do you want me to talk to him? I'm like, no, please don't. And yeah, it was, I think intuitively

12:42my family knew my father passed away, um, before my first son was born, but my mother was around

12:51and she was so upset because she was friends for life with his parents. And it caused a real riff

13:00in, in the group, though his parents had to acknowledge it because they were there. They

13:06were witness to the last incident. And, um, my mother wouldn't go to some events, uh, with the

13:12group because his parents were there. And, uh, she just couldn't believe that, uh, their son would do

13:19that to me. And one of my mothers even said to me after, you know, I came out with the

13:26truth, she said,

13:28I always thought you had self-esteem. And I was like, of course I have self-esteem. And that's a

13:33myth

13:34that you invite it, you encourage it. You don't feel good about yourself. So of course, just let him

13:39do whatever he wants to be. I'm like, well, you know, this happens to one in three women and powerful

13:45women, uh, women are the heads of companies, women who are famous chefs, women who, you know, run the

13:53world. And it isn't about self-esteem and it is about stigma though. But I thought that was, that

14:00comment was so telling. And it was, you know, a good friend of my mother's who knew me and loved

14:05me.

14:06And it was like, oh boy, if I can do anything in my life as, as a public voice, it,

14:14I really want it

14:15to be to shed some of the shame because that is important because I sure was neck deep in it

14:22for 10

14:22years. And I know that so many millions of women and, and men as well are drowning in it. As

14:30a writer

14:31and a journalist, I knew that I needed to take back control of the narrative. So after he left our

14:38home

14:3910 years later in 1996, I felt really safe and I was given sole custody. And he though, he was,

14:48um,

14:48a litigating attorney in a very large, uh, successful law firm in Chicago. Uh, he was not allowed visits

14:58for all three children at once because we were both examined by a psychiatrist. I got sole custody and

15:05he can only have one at a time at someone's home. He couldn't be alone with the children. So it's

15:12like the world recognized what I didn't. And, uh, so visitation was always bizarre. He would be three

15:21hours late or just cancel completely. And then one time he brought the police to the door and said,

15:29he just wanted to ensure that I was going to give us a son over to him. And then, you

15:35know,

15:35then I went to court to say, you can't bring police to the door. And he was told he can't

15:41bring police

15:42to the door. Uh, so it was always fraught with conflict. And, uh, then after a while, he got married

15:51within a year of our divorce. And, um, he had a child, had a daughter with, uh, this woman very

16:01quickly

16:01and they were, uh, divorced within two years. So, you know, there was a lot going on with him that

16:08I

16:08didn't know. And it was abandonment for my sons that, you know, I'm, I'm sorry that this relationship

16:17he and I had turned into such hurt for them and that, you know, abandonment is still an issue and

16:24they are all in their thirties. So, um, about two years after he was divorced and he, he was always

16:31in a relationship with, um, another woman, he told the boys on, he was supposed to have dinner with them

16:39and he came to the house and I wasn't home because he took all three of them to dinner and

16:45he told them

16:47he was moving to Europe indefinitely because he thought his life was much bigger than the boys'

16:55homework or wrestling tournaments or, you know, birthday parties or anything to do. And it was so

17:02incredibly aggressively hurtful. That, I mean, that was outrageous, but I thought, oh no, he's like

17:09completely gone from their lives. And then I was like, oh, he's completely gone from their lives.

17:14And they then did not see him for about 12 years, almost 15 years. And, um, you know,

17:23I wrote about that and I wrote, I've written seven books so far. My fifth book was called Escape Points

17:28was about that abandonment and, um, you know, dealing with all of that. And it actually, you know,

17:36sometimes, and I've written, you know, columns about this as well. Sometimes fatherless is an

17:41improvement. If, if what they do have is a real loving support system. So that is, you know,

17:49the, I, I, ideally it's a, a two parent family, but when one is, um, toxic and noxious, it's no,

17:58you're better off not having the poison. I thought, oh my gosh, no more hypercritical remarks. No more.

18:07It's like, I can do what I want. I can, you know, not now worry, like, oh, I have to

18:12get home.

18:13You know, I can't leave them with the kids too long or yeah. Um, oh my gosh, it was a

18:19relief. It

18:19just was really expensive because if I wanted to go to the grocery store by myself, I had to hire

18:23a

18:24sitter. So that was, you know, the, the downside, you know, even before he left for Europe, he was

18:30supposed to watch the, um, my, my sons when I was on a business trip and I was flying out

18:36later that

18:36day and he called that day to say he couldn't do it again. So I called his parents and I

18:43said,

18:44he's done it again and you got it cause I have to go to this. I'm, you know, delivering a,

18:48a panel

18:49at this conference. So I was a lot and I felt, um, I felt free and I didn't feel like

18:56any of it was

18:57my fault. You know, a funny thing is that, um, I was, I mean, I wasn't glad I stayed 10

19:03years.

19:04I was certainly getting glad I had three gorgeous, beautiful, healthy boys, you know,

19:09and part of that is from him. Um, you know, he's highly athletic. I am not at all. So my

19:15boys were

19:15all athletic and got his intelligence and my intelligence as well. So there are positive

19:20things. And then I thought, you know, I'm glad I tried so hard to fix it. And, and it was,

19:26it didn't work because it's really hard being a single parent. And I was like, no, I tried. I

19:33did absolutely everything. He cannot be fixed. He has to fix himself. So, uh, it's, yeah, I mean,

19:40it is the best choice that I made was to, um, have him removed from our house and to divorce

19:47him.

19:48Although he filed for divorce, like immediately after the order of protection. And that was another

19:54aggressive move because I was thinking, you know, three months and then he would get help. I said,

20:00I will give you a year. You go get help, you know, to have to stop this behavior. And no,

20:05cause he already had his plan B in that I had no idea about. So that was interesting. And what's,

20:12um, very interesting is now, I mean, we are 26 years past, um, this and he sends letters to the

20:25house,

20:26my house, three, three letters to the boys at this address. Cause he has no idea where they live.

20:31And one to me every month. And, um, mine says, I love you very much. I want to be a

20:39part of your life.

20:40We had so many great times together and it's bizarre. It's also in this handwriting that I

20:46would love to get evaluated. And, uh, it's, I love you. I want, I want to know what's going on.

20:52And then he says, I drive by your house and I see your decorations. They look so good. And I,

21:00and I was like, Oh, this is creepy. And my, you know, I had been ripping up the letters and

21:04throwing

21:04them out. And my sister said, keep those letters because it's something called monitoring. I mean,

21:10he's not threatening me, but, um, yeah, it is creepy that he still writes me letters. And,

21:17uh, he writes the boys and the boys letters are weird and calm going back to like,

21:22one he sent was, I remember the day you were born. It was so peaceful. I'm like,

21:27peaceful. I was screaming, you know, he doesn't remember. Right. It was like,

21:32I used to call you. And then nicknames, like he was the perfect father, you know,

21:36he was like never home. So it's, uh, the rewrite of history is so interesting. But, um, you know,

21:43in my line of work as someone who has a public voice and who tells the truth, I think he's

21:52more

21:52afraid of me doing that, telling the truth about him because I will, and I have, and, uh, that could

22:00wipe him out. So, uh, certainly as an attorney, he, you know, he, he got fired from that, um, really

22:07great law firm after a bit, but that didn't have anything to do with me, but, um, yeah, he did

22:13something

22:14there. So anyway, I feel as if, uh, the power of truth telling is not just cathartic and healing for

22:24me and to, to, to reframe it where I took control over what I had no control over. And I

22:33took control

22:33of the healing part of the story. And I, I'm not afraid of him at all.

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