How She Tackled Her Journey of Sobriety And Healing

Unfiltered Stories

In today's episode of Unfiltered Stories, we have the privilege of listening to Hannah Sprengel as she generously shares her personal journey with us. Hannah opens up about the challenges she faced growing up in a tumultuous environment, where chaos and uncertainty were constant companions. As a result, she found herself seeking solace and escape through substance use, constantly searching for the next high.   However, as Hannah's parents embarked on their own path to sobriety, a glimmer of hope emerged. Inspired by their courage and determined to break free from the grip of addiction, Hannah made the life-altering decision to pursue her own journey of healing and recovery. Through her story, Hannah showcases the incredible resilience of the human spirit and the transformative power of choosing a new path. Her message serves as a beacon of hope for others who may be struggling, reminding us that change is possible and that we are never alone in our struggles. Join us as we listen to Hannah's inspiring story and celebrate the strength of those who bravely embark on the path to sobriety.   #UnfilteredStories #SurvivorStories   Follow Hannah on social media:  IG: https://www.instagram.com/soulfulhannah/  TT: https://www.tiktok.com/@soulfulhannah   Thank you for watching Unfiltered Stories! We offer a platform for our guests to speak openly about their life stories and journeys, shedding light on the challenges they faced and the resilience they've shown.   Our mission is to raise awareness about survivors by delving into their stories, exploring the impact of their experiences, and how they've managed to heal and rebuild their lives.  By sharing these stories, we aim to break the silence surrounding those challenging memories and create a compassionate environment.   🌅 FOLLOW US 🌅  Facebook ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredFB  Tiktok ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredTT  Snapchat ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredSN

Transcript

00:00My name is Hannah. I am a child sexual abuse survivor and I am here to share my story.

00:06When we speak about, you know, the things that we've been through, they lose power over us and

00:10it's kind of healing and therapeutic and even listening to other people's stories. So I was

00:15born in a small town in Missouri, the oldest of four girls. Between the four of us, we had three

00:22different dads, all shared the same mom. When we were born, my mom wasn't really around much.

00:28She, I think, had her own experiences that kind of made her not the best mom to us. And so

00:35she just

00:35kept having kids basically and didn't really stick around to raise us. My grandma ended up being the

00:42one to primarily raise us when we were younger and she's actually blind. One of my earliest

00:47memories of abuse actually happened there. I remember sitting outside of that house and I

00:53remember there being like lines with sheets on them. And it was a sunny day and I was sitting

00:59on a man's lap and I remember him like tickling me and I was giggling and laughing. And then like

01:04he

01:05ended up going down my pants and like he did something that hurt me because I remember jumping

01:09and saying, ow. And that's all I remember about that. But years later, when I talked to my grandma

01:15about it, she actually put a name and face to the memory, which was really bizarre. Apparently she

01:21was there. I don't remember her being there, but she said that she heard me and told me to get

01:25off

01:25of his lap and had me come over there by her. Fast forward to foster care. The first couple homes

01:31that

01:31we went to, they split us up. Me and my sister went to a couple different homes. And I remember

01:37the

01:37first couple were like really good. They were great to us. At some point about a year in,

01:41we went to our final foster home, which was a family that was willing to take in all four of

01:47us.

01:48And I remember being told that and being really excited. The family was great. At first, there was

01:53a husband, wife, and then the wife had four of her own biological children. When we went into this home,

01:58I was like six. And then my youngest sister was 18 months old. So we were all excited. We thought

02:03it

02:03was going to be great. And it was for a while. And then eventually her oldest son started abusing me

02:09as

02:10well. He was like a teenager at the time. So I didn't really like look at him as an adult.

02:14And

02:14it was like really confusing as to like what was happening and how it was happening because I

02:18thought he was like just another kid. A couple instances with him that I remember, we were in

02:23the bathroom on the floor. And I remember him like he had me undressed and then he was undressed. And

02:29he

02:29like tried to stick his thing in me. But like he didn't really make a huge effort because like it

02:33wouldn't go in and he didn't force it in. And like he just like kind of humped me like we

02:37were doing

02:37something but we really weren't. And then there was another time that I remember where he took me

02:41out to the garage and set me on a truck and pulled it out and told me to suck on

02:46it like it was a

02:47strawberry ice cream. I remember telling him no and I didn't do it. I know eventually it got to the

02:51point where I would just comply with it. But then I confided in the youngest sibling of the mother

02:58of the foster mom because we were like pretty close. I felt really close to her. She took a liking

03:02to

03:02me. I took a liking to her and I guess I told her about what was going on. And somehow

03:06it got back

03:07to the foster parents. And so I remember them calling me into their room one night and sitting

03:13me down and asking me like did these things happen? And I told them yeah it is and yes it

03:18did. And then

03:19they like were like are you sure? Like are you just confused? Did you have a dream? Are you like

03:24confused with something that happened with your dad? Because my dad actually at that time was

03:29incarcerated on child pornography charges and they knew that. And I will say like with my dad he never

03:37like really physically or sexually abused me. He was like kind of around when I was younger as much as

03:43my mom would let him be because there was just a lot of animosity between like him and my mom.

03:48Me and

03:48my cousin were over at his trailer and we were taking a bath and he like had this camera in

03:57this like

03:58closet that had like a window type deal that was like vented so you could like see through it. And

04:04he had it aimed at us. And I remember like knowing about it but I didn't really have the guts

04:09to say

04:10anything but my cousin said something to him about it. And then there was another time where he had like

04:15a bunch of sex toys. And me and my other sister through him one of my first memories with her

04:22we're

04:22not very close. We really never have been. I've only seen her a few times in my life but I

04:27remember

04:27him putting us in a room with them and like setting up a camera and like us being like really

04:32confused.

04:33And so that was that. They ended up like badgering me to the point where I was in tears trying

04:39to get

04:40me to lie and say that it didn't happen but I knew that it did happen. And so I was

04:44really confused and

04:44just hurt. After that the mom said that she was going to take me to get examined by a specialist

04:49to make

04:50sure that there was no trauma down there. And like she did that in an effort to prove her son's

04:54innocence I guess. And she took me and there was no like evidence of physical trauma. And so she deemed

05:01me a liar until this day. She still says that I lied and made all of that up. I guess

05:05it was one day

05:05that we were having a sleepover because we were in the smaller bedroom which was intended for my two

05:09youngest siblings. And when they would come over we would sleep. We would make a big pallet on the floor

05:14and we'd all sleep together. And on this night I remember waking up and everything being blurry.

05:21Like growing up and being older and reflecting on this memory I know that he drugged me. He gave me

05:25something I don't know what or when. But I remember waking up and like trying to sit up and everything

05:30being blurry. Him being between my legs. My underwear were off. And there was nothing I could do but like

05:36go back to sleep. And as all this was happening my stepdad and I developed a very hostile relationship.

05:42I became very like resentful towards him. And I made it very clear that I did not like him. I

05:48didn't want anything to do with him. And I'm sure to my mom it seemed like you know normal. But

05:52like

05:52it wasn't normal. And it ended up causing a lot of behavioral issues for me. I would lash out about

05:57like nothing. I became a very sexual child. I had to have been like 10, 11. But I remember being

06:04in my

06:05room and like just crying and feeling so alone and just not wanting to live anymore. And I'm really

06:11thankful that at the time this was in like I don't know I'm 28. This was like years ago pre

06:18-cell phone

06:18pre-social media. But like I I know had I been exposed to more at that time I probably would

06:24have attempted suicide. And then eventually one night my mom and my stepdad got in a fight. I

06:29don't remember this happening often. I remember it being pretty traumatic. I heard them in their room

06:33and I heard my mom like heard a big bang and I heard them yelling. And then I heard silence.

06:38And so I grabbed a butcher knife and I ran into their room busted through the door and threw the

06:45knife at my stepdad and told him to get away from my mom. At which point he did. And then

06:49everyone

06:49went about their business. And then like the next day my mom came and picked me up from school and

06:54had her little red car packed to the brim with mostly her stuff. She said we're moving to Farmington.

06:59We're moving back to our hometown. And she's like we're gonna stay with grandma. And then being

07:04in that town a whole other set of like I don't know crazy behaviors ensued. When I first moved

07:11there I got a lot of male attention I guess that I wasn't really equipped to deal with. And then

07:17that led to me losing my virginity at 13. And like looking back on that like I don't even know

07:24if I

07:24actually was a virgin or not because the normal things didn't happen. A lot of different people. I

07:30basically became hypersexual. I had a lot of sex with a lot of my friends when I was very young.

07:36And

07:36that led to me getting pregnant at 15 with a friend. I was a sophomore in high school when I

07:41found

07:41out we had a hard go at first because I was 16. And at the time I was we were

07:47still living at my grandma's.

07:48And while it was not the Franklin house that I was born into it was like still not the best

07:55wasn't the

07:56cleanest. And I told my mom if she wanted me to have this baby she would get us in a

08:01better living

08:01situation because I was not having her grow up the way that I did. And I meant it too. I

08:05told her I

08:06would put my daughter up for adoption. Like I was desperate to do whatever I had to do to make

08:10sure

08:10that she had a better start. And I think she knew that I was serious because a couple weeks before

08:14my

08:15daughter got, before my daughter was born, she got an apartment and let me and my boyfriend and my

08:22daughter move into it with her. And we stayed there for a couple months. And then eventually

08:26the landlord started coming and knocking on the door asking where the rent money was. We were there

08:32for like literally just a couple months. It didn't last long. My mom eventually stopped staying there

08:37and like we didn't really know like where she was or what she was doing. Eventually we learned that

08:43she was dating a new guy and was staying out at his house and I guess stopped paying the rent

08:49where

08:49we were. Something else important to note is that my mother was a pathological liar. She used to lie

08:55all the time about everything as long as I can remember. Fortunately my boyfriend turned 18 way

09:02before I did. And so we were able to get our own apartment together and we did that. We used

09:08our tax

09:09money to move into, uh, our first apartment. And then I had also decided that I was going to go

09:15get

09:15my GED in time to start college with my graduating class. And so I did that as well. I went

09:22and got my

09:22GED, started college with, uh, all my peers. And I went to college for a year. During that time I

09:29met,

09:29I met a girl that became like my best friend. A little bit before all of this, me and my

09:35boyfriend of

09:35like a few years ended up breaking up. Um, I think just like the college life and like a lot

09:41of

09:41different things. He ended up losing his best friend in a car wreck a couple of years before I

09:46lost mine and we ended up separating. So at this point I'm 18, I have my own apartment, my first

09:53apartment by myself with my daughter. And, um, I had my own car. I'd use my student loans from the

09:59year

09:59prior to get myself a car. Um, my family, we grew up very poor. So the fact that I was

10:05able to make

10:06these things happen for myself was a victory in itself. So she passed away within a week of losing

10:12her. I met the father of my second child and he was actually an addict. And, uh, I met him

10:20through

10:21a good friend, actually a female friend that I was really close to. And when we met, he was like,

10:28he's like five years older than me. And he was, and eventually I started using with him. And I

10:36remember in the, in the beginning, like he would do it so much. And I would like sit him down

10:41and I'd

10:41be like, what, how do you do this? Like he would smoke it. And I'm like, how do you do

10:44this all day,

10:45every day? We ended up separating right after we separated, I found out I was pregnant. And after

10:50I found out I was pregnant, he told everyone that it wasn't his kid. He maintained that

10:55right up until literally like this week, I finally took him for paternity and child support and

11:00everything. And DNA confirmed that it was obviously his kid. But for years he told everyone that it

11:05wasn't his kid. And like, he was really hostile about it. My head's all messed up. I don't want to

11:09be pregnant. And I realized then that I was a drug addict because I could not stop using. I used

11:16for

11:16like the first four months of my pregnancy, I used, and I told myself I was going to get an

11:20abortion.

11:20And I really planned on getting an abortion. So I had to find the money to do it. I had

11:26to find

11:27transportation to do it. And it was like, if I had one, I didn't have the other. And then next

11:32thing

11:32I know I'm eight months pregnant. And I went and I was honest about my addiction. And the first time

11:38I

11:38went and saw the doctor for that pregnancy was also the first time that I saw my son. I was

11:42like 35

11:43weeks and they did an ultrasound and I didn't use again after that. Not while I was pregnant with him.

11:49So then I had him and I tried to keep my life together for like the weeks following, but it

11:54was really hard. It didn't last long. It wasn't long before I was back out there on the streets

11:59doing the same, the same stuff. But I do also want to note that he was born healthy and he's

12:06still

12:07healthy. He's thriving by the grace of God. After I had him, I did relapse and I ended up in

12:13jail

12:13for some period of time. And while I was in jail, my grandma had lost her apartment or lost her

12:20house.

12:20So after I'd lost my apartment, I started staying at my grandma's by default. That's kind of like what

12:26my grandma's house was. It was kind of like a revolving door for all her, all her kids and her

12:30grandkids too. Like we would go out and try to do life on our own. And when we failed, we'd

12:35move back

12:36in with her. But while I was in jail, I guess my grandma had lost her house because when I

12:42got out,

12:42I found out that she didn't live there anymore. She had had this house for like years and years.

12:46And so I'm like, wait, like where are my kids? If my, if they're not with my grandma. And so

12:50I had

12:50found out that my kids were staying with my old foster mom. Because again, I mentioned that when I

12:57went home to my mom and stepdad, my other siblings didn't, she literally raised them. The two oldest

13:03ones, when they were old enough to leave, they left. And then the youngest one, like, like I said,

13:08she was a baby when we moved in there. And so that was her mom. That was her family. And

13:13until this day,

13:13that's how it is. Like me and her don't even have a healthy relationship. She's very,

13:19my perspective is, I feel like they influence how she feels about me and who I am. Because

13:25we've always had a hard time, like just having any kind of relationship. And she's also convinced that

13:30I'm a liar. And that I made those things up. Like she's told me like, in the heat of an

13:34argument,

13:34she's like, you're a liar. That never happened to you. If it happened to you, it would have happened

13:37to me too. She literally said that to me one day. And I'm like, it really was a reality check

13:42because I'm like, no matter what I do or who I am or who I try to be, who I

13:46try to be like,

13:47you're always going to have these feelings toward me. So I got out of jail. I moved in with some

13:52friends who were using, they were in active addiction. So I used for a while. And then I met this

13:57older guy in the same apartment complexes where I was. He worked for someone over there and he

14:03expressed interest in me and he was a good guy. He wasn't on drugs and he was quite a bit

14:10older,

14:10but he was willing to take me out of the living situation I was in and help me get a

14:17job and just

14:18help me get my life together. And so I took him up on that. And after I got, after I

14:24moved in with him,

14:25I got a couple of months clean and I got it. He helped me get a job. He helped me

14:29get a car.

14:30Like I thought I was together enough to have my kids. So I went over to where my kids were

14:36and I asked to have them back and she told me no. And so I called the police and I

14:42had my kids'

14:43birth certificates with me also just in case anything like this happened. And the cops came

14:48and they were just kind of like ignorant towards me. They were like, well, where have you been the

14:52last three months? Like I told them, like I was in jail, but like, I'm doing good now. I'm sober.

14:57I have all these things. And I was like, I just want to bring my kids home. They're my kids.

15:01And

15:01they're like, they just, they wouldn't do it. They did not make her turn my kids over to me. I

15:06don't

15:06know if they had the ability to or what, but it didn't happen that day. And so I left and

15:11eventually,

15:12so while I was with this guy, I was like clean for the most part. I really tried to stay

15:18clean,

15:18but like him and I had our own problems. And so I did use periodically, but I would say that

15:26I was

15:26definitely like in a better situation. In 2017, I found out that I was pregnant again with a different

15:34guy that was someone that I used with. So during one of my instances of like, he, him and I

15:40would

15:41get in like arguments, like pretty bad arguments. And I would leave for days and, you know, do what I

15:47was doing before and then come back. And so that's what happened. I had him in 2018 and breastfed him

15:54for a year. And so I stayed clean during that time too. In the midst of this happening, my old

16:01foster

16:01mom did petition the court for emergency, emergency temporary guardianship of my kids and they gave it

16:08to her. So she now has guardianship of my other two, my oldest two. And then I just had another

16:13one.

16:13When the baby was born, it was very obvious whose son it was. And so, uh, the boyfriend that I

16:19was

16:19with at the time, we just kind of gradually stopped seeing each other. In the beginning of 2019,

16:25I met another guy through Facebook dating and he was in recovery from like and stuff. And I was in

16:33recovery from then like a few months in, we ended up relapsing together. And this time, so I stopped

16:42breastfeeding in February of 2019. And I did great up until that point. I continued using. And then

16:48in July of 2019, 2019, I had my first and only overdose. I overdosed at my work. Um, it was

16:57a hot summer day and I'd done some like really strong, I think it was and luckily there was a

17:06guy

17:06who I worked with that was like, he really liked me and cared about me. And so he pretty much

17:11watched

17:11my every move that day. And he's the one who found me and called 911. I was in my car.

17:16I guess I went

17:16out to my car after I had done the drugs and got in my car, put the keys in the

17:21ignition, but never

17:22started it. So I was in this hot car with the windows up and it was off. And I woke

17:27up in the

17:27ambulance and I had a panic attack because when I realized where I was, I freaked out. And so they

17:33took me to the hospital and I ended up losing my job over that. Obviously that happened in July.

17:37You would think that that would have gotten me clean, but it didn't. I kept using in a way that

17:43I thought I had it under control. And then in October, DFS came knocking on my door and my son

17:49was there. I was with this girl that I was using with and they told me to find someone to

17:54take my

17:54son so I could go with them to take a drug test. I was honest with the guy about everything.

17:58I told

17:58him that I had been using, I was having a hard time getting clean and that I was not going

18:03to pass my

18:04drug test. And so I took the drug test. I didn't pass it. And they're like, okay, well, we can't

18:08let you take your son. If you have family that he can stay with, that's what we will try first.

18:13But if not, we're going to have to put them in the system. And so I was able to convince

18:17one of my

18:17aunts to care for him while he was in the state's custody. And I remember thinking that that was going

18:25to be like, that that was it for me. I didn't see any coming back from that. I couldn't believe

18:32that I had lost custody of now three of my children. And again, I was just embarrassed. I

18:38was ashamed. And I really felt like I didn't think I'd come back from it. But in the same week

18:44that

18:44this happened, I got a Facebook message from a girl that I knew from my area. And she was like,

18:52hey, how are you? Like, I heard you're not doing well. Have you considered going to treatment? And like

18:58I told her, I said, I'm not doing that. I've done that once before. And I had like state insurance.

19:03So the rehab that I went to the first time was really just terrible. And so at first I was

19:10completely opposed to the idea. I was like, I have state insurance. I know what kind of facility that

19:14that will get me access to. I said, I'm not doing that. And she was like, you don't understand. I

19:19work at this treatment center. It's amazing. We have scholarships. I can get you in here for free.

19:24You don't have to pay a dime. And she sent me the link and she's like, just look into it.

19:28So I did

19:28look into it. And I was like, well, this could potentially help me like this. This is going to

19:34do nothing but help me get my child home. So I'll do it. And so I went that weekend and

19:39checked myself

19:40in and I stayed there for a month. And I graduated from that treatment center about a year later.

19:45Well, exactly a year later to the date, I walked the written service agreement with DFS and got my son

19:51home. After she gave me custody of my son back, she told me, she gave me her phone number.

19:59And she told me that if I ever needed anything, that she would be there just to call her. And

20:03I

20:03was like, well, someday I plan to, you know, go back to court and try to get my other kids

20:07home. So

20:08I might take you up on that. And while I was in treatment, I forgot to mention, I met my

20:12husband,

20:12we got out and eventually decided to, you know, get in a relationship and try to do life together.

20:18And we decided we wanted to have a baby. And so I was able to experience my first planned

20:24pregnancy. And we got married in November of 2020. And then we bought a house in March of 2021.

20:30And then we had our daughter in April of 2021. And then we took the guardians to court for termination

20:39of guardianship. And we were granted it about a year later. And so now all of my kids are back

20:45in my care. I'm still sober. And things are great. So I feel like initially, it was like,

20:53I'm going to do this for my kids. You have to do this for you. You have to want better

20:57for you.

20:58I've also had very strong faith. And I fully believe that were it not for that, I wouldn't be here.

21:05Because after all those years, I always came back to that. And now I'm trying to live the best life

21:12I can live and just be the best version of myself. I'm trying to turn my pain into power and

21:18just use

21:18my life experiences to help people and to raise as good of humans as I can raise. I would say

21:25that

21:25whatever you're experiencing, and however alone you feel, someone somewhere has experienced

21:32exactly that. And it doesn't define you, you can let it you can let it hurt you, or you can

21:37let it

21:37help you, you can dwell on it, or you can make something of yourself for it. I feel like there

21:42is

21:43good that comes out of every bad situation, you've just really got to condition your heart to be able

21:48to see it. The first time I was abused, I was about four. The second time that I was abused,

21:54it began

21:55when I was about seven, and went on until I was about 12, seven, to about nine, eight or nine.

22:03I was

22:04about eight or nine, when I met my stepdad. There is one more thing, I feel like when you go

22:09through

22:09something like this, like, your first instinct is to bury it. And that can be very dangerous, because

22:16then you're faced with fear and shame. But one thing that I've learned is that when you talk about it,

22:22when you speak out against it, it is therapeutic. It's very healing. It not only helps you, but it

22:31helps people listening. Don't be afraid of it. Don't be embarrassed. Don't be ashamed. Share your story.

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