00:00Need help now.
00:01Uh-oh.
00:01My ex-boyfriend listed me as a reference for a job when we were dating because I used to be
00:06his boss.
00:07We won't get into that.
00:09I guess he forgot to take me off because I just got an email asking to set up a phone
00:14call to discuss him with a potential future employer for him.
00:19Now, we had a mutual breakup, and we only want the best for each other.
00:24That's good.
00:24This job would be huge for him, and I know I would give him a killer review because he truly
00:30is an incredible worker and would be great in this job.
00:33But also, we dated.
00:36So do I just ignore that fact and give him a great reference, or do I respond via email admitting
00:42the relationship and recusing myself from giving a reference on those grounds?
00:48Okay.
00:49Oh.
00:50Oh, I have thoughts.
00:51I have so many thoughts.
00:52Okay, what are you thinking, Donnie?
00:53Suck it up and give him the reference.
00:55What are you doing?
00:58I would send an email.
01:00You never know.
01:01Employers might be checking social media, and if your name and face shows up on his pages snuggling in a
01:07booth somewhere, it's going to look bad.
01:09So, I would send an email in which you are endorsing him as a candidate whilst also admitting to, you
01:18know, you're saying, hey, listen, we have a previous personal relationship, so I don't feel that this is a comfortable
01:24thing for me to do.
01:25However, I want to let you know that I think he's a great blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, this employee.
01:28I think he'd be great for the job, but I think out of respect for this process, I should not
01:32be involved.
01:32So, you are giving a reference without giving a reference.
01:36Does that make sense?
01:37I have to disagree with both of you.
01:39What?
01:40Petty.
01:41Well, yeah.
01:42Call you Tom Petty.
01:44Anyone I've ever dated, I've deleted, like, out of my life.
01:49Really?
01:50Yes.
01:50Even if it was mutual and fine and all that stuff.
01:53We were only, I only knew you as a romantic interest.
01:58Now you're not that to me anymore, so, like, you're muted on Instagram and all that stuff.
02:03So, if I got this, I think I would just either ignore it or just say, hey, sorry, I cannot
02:11give a reference to this.
02:13Mm.
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