- 1 day ago
First broadcast 6th February 1989.
With his bank refusing to honour his cheques and a Court Bailiff pursuing him for unpaid bills, Arthur is delighted when a mysterious businessman makes him a very attractive offer for the whole of his business empire.
Dennis Waterman - Terry
George Cole - Arthur
Glynn Edwards - Dave
Paul Eddington - Guy Wheeler
Simon Cadell - William Pierce
Peter Childs - Rycott
Michael Povey - Jones
Mark Farmer - Justin
Iain Cuthbertson - Bernard McKenna
Michael Troughton - Melish
Royce Mills - Andrew
Cassie Stuart - Veronica
Jonathan Elsom - Muir
Michael Lees - Tony Davis
Ray Mort - Billy from Leeds
Morris Perry - DHSS Manager
Jonty Miller - Bus Driver
Una Brandon-Jones - Woman on Bus
Richard Linford - Car Salesman
Peter Allen - Council Member
Joe Bartlett - Taxi driver
Gordon Hann - Winchester Club Patron
Barrie Holland - Council Member
Roy Lansford - Council Member
Maureen Nelson - Council Member
Reg Thomason - Waiter
Harry Van Engel - Council Member
With his bank refusing to honour his cheques and a Court Bailiff pursuing him for unpaid bills, Arthur is delighted when a mysterious businessman makes him a very attractive offer for the whole of his business empire.
Dennis Waterman - Terry
George Cole - Arthur
Glynn Edwards - Dave
Paul Eddington - Guy Wheeler
Simon Cadell - William Pierce
Peter Childs - Rycott
Michael Povey - Jones
Mark Farmer - Justin
Iain Cuthbertson - Bernard McKenna
Michael Troughton - Melish
Royce Mills - Andrew
Cassie Stuart - Veronica
Jonathan Elsom - Muir
Michael Lees - Tony Davis
Ray Mort - Billy from Leeds
Morris Perry - DHSS Manager
Jonty Miller - Bus Driver
Una Brandon-Jones - Woman on Bus
Richard Linford - Car Salesman
Peter Allen - Council Member
Joe Bartlett - Taxi driver
Gordon Hann - Winchester Club Patron
Barrie Holland - Council Member
Roy Lansford - Council Member
Maureen Nelson - Council Member
Reg Thomason - Waiter
Harry Van Engel - Council Member
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:08Thanks a lot, mate.
00:13Feel that underwear.
00:15You dirty old man.
00:16All right, Terry.
00:18Go on, Billy, don't be shy.
00:19Don't be shy.
00:20None of your North London sweatshop tat there.
00:23Yeah, but can it perform?
00:24Can it perform?
00:25Is the Pope Polish?
00:27Billy, I guarantee each one is made of genuine Taiwan porcelain.
00:32Yeah, they make it look like plastic so as not to frighten the very young children.
00:35I mean, look at the artwork in that face.
00:38Remarkably clever race, those Indians.
00:39I think it's all that sort.
00:41Listen to this.
00:42Sing a song of sixpence, a pocket full of rye.
00:46Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie.
00:51When the pie was opened, the birds began to sing.
00:59That's Arthur Daly.
01:01Champagne ideas be a money.
01:04Diagnosis?
01:05His condition is acute.
01:07Prognosis?
01:09Lap of the gods.
01:11Time for a quickie before launch, gentlemen.
01:16I do like to go to school.
01:18All the boys and girls are so nice to me.
01:21Will you come to school with me?
01:24She walks like she's suffering from pirates.
01:26What do you expect for 15 quid, Ginger Rogers?
01:29You zip up your pockets and stroll down Oxford Street.
01:32They're knocking these out for 30 quid a go.
01:34I'll take 200.
01:35Cash.
01:35On delivery.
01:36To Leeds?
01:37I need an export licence.
01:39Well, remember what our Prime Minister said.
01:41Vote for me.
01:42No, export or die.
01:44Billy, I'm working on a very narrow margin.
01:46The price does not include vans and Terry's wages while he's exploring north of Watford.
01:51I'll give you a ton now to cover Terry's exes.
01:53The rest, on delivery.
01:55Done?
01:56Yeah, I think I have been.
01:58All right.
01:59I've got to dash.
02:01I've got to see a man about some tired dogs.
02:03Give us a bell when Terry's on its way, as long as it's before market day.
02:07No problem, Billy.
02:12Hello?
02:13Hold on a moment, will you, please?
02:21Hello?
02:22Yes, this is Arthur Daly.
02:26Yes, I did get your letters about my overdraft.
02:29No, I'm not ignoring them.
02:31I'm deeply preoccupied in trying to do what you asked.
02:34You said I've got to reduce them.
02:35Well, in fact, I'm in the middle of a business deal, right?
02:40You've done what?
02:43Do you realise the implications of bouncing my cheques?
02:46My whole business empire is based on trust.
02:50Yes, of course, I'll come over right away.
02:52It'd be nice to see you, too.
02:55It'd be even nicer to be listened to for a change.
03:02Lost your bearings, then?
03:06How do you been?
03:07I thought people in Toms usually confine themselves to bedrooms and bathrooms.
03:11I'm looking for Arthur Daly, my warrant.
03:15Warrant?
03:17Certificated bailiffs?
03:20Do you know Arthur Daly?
03:23Intimately, but not well.
03:25He must be that guy that works for me.
03:27Terry, er, McCann.
03:30It must have been bouncing cheques.
03:33Rates bill, 1,300.
03:35Water rates, 90.
03:36There are quite a few.
03:37I've got a court order to remove goods and shattles for sale by public auction.
03:42He's away on business at the moment.
03:44Those dolls in there.
03:46How much would they be worth?
03:52Very good, Veronica.
03:54Now, just pull in over to the side here, all right?
03:58That's it.
03:58There you go.
04:00Hold on.
04:04Yeah, um, try and remember to indicate.
04:07Sorry, Terry.
04:08No, it's all right.
04:09It's all right.
04:09You're doing well.
04:10Just remember, any fool can learn to drive.
04:12Trouble is, most of them do.
04:14How am I doing?
04:15That's terrific.
04:17Well, I mean, we're still alive, aren't we?
04:25Now, what was that for?
04:27Being so patient.
04:30Well, I can be very, very patient.
04:33You should start your own teaching school.
04:35Right, what's next?
04:38Well, we could, um...
04:41No, right, no, what's next?
04:42Um, emergency stop, all right?
04:44Now, when I do that, you've got to stop, all right?
04:48I'm deeply concerned about this situation, Mr. Daly.
04:51Well, I'm as deeply concerned as you are, Mr. Pearce.
04:53We've been spending a great deal of our money recently.
04:56I was under the impression I was spending my money.
04:59Oh, no, Mr. Daly, not so.
05:00You stopped spending your money nearly two months ago,
05:03since then you've been utilising your overdraft facility.
05:06Currently, you're £7,000 above the agreed limit.
05:09Oh, I wanted to talk to you about increasing the agreed limit.
05:14Yes, but I'd like my customers to talk to me
05:16before acting as if I had already agreed to their request.
05:19Oh, you're a very busy man.
05:20I didn't want to bother you.
05:32Jerry!
05:33Oi, Justin!
05:46Oh, Scroof!
05:47I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Sarah.
05:49No, it's all right.
05:49It wasn't your fault.
05:50No, no, no, it wasn't your fault.
05:51You all right?
05:52Yeah.
05:52You all right?
05:53Yeah.
05:53You stay there, then.
05:54Just go and see what happened, all right?
05:56Don't worry, don't worry.
05:58Don't worry.
06:03Don't worry.
06:04Lovely, isn't it?
06:05Don't worry, Till.
06:06I saw everything,
06:07and I'll be an independent witness at the trial.
06:09Public-spirited little Wally and me.
06:11Well, you weren't even looking where you were going.
06:14You was far too close, and you were speeding.
06:16I'm not sure,
06:17but I think I just heard an unusually long suicide message.
06:21I don't think he could have seen anything, do you, McCann?
06:24No, not a thing.
06:25No, no, Mr. Rycock, no.
06:26Jerry, it's...
06:28Shut up!
06:28Shut up!
06:33I do have a number of excellent and highly lucrative business proposals in the pipeline.
06:38The profit potential should run into five figures.
06:41How did you know I was going to say that?
06:44Because that's what you said when I agreed your present overdraft limit.
06:47I'm going to need something more tangible than that, Mr. Daly.
06:50And with the greatest respect,
06:52none of us getting any younger.
06:53How true.
06:55How very true.
06:59You mean me?
07:00Oh, it has to be a factor, you know.
07:03If you are a younger man at the start of life's great adventure,
07:06I might be able to take a more lenient view of the situation,
07:08but based on all the available data,
07:12at your age, you're a bad risk.
07:17Yes?
07:21Dear, old dear Mr. Daly, not your lucky day, I'm afraid.
07:23Apparently your car is being given a ticket.
07:25What?
07:32The usual, Dave.
07:33You'd better stick half up for Terry,
07:35then you'd get thirsty going up the leads.
07:38Hey, you're on the wrong side of the mark.
07:40Where's Dave?
07:42Popped out.
07:43That'd be £117.
07:45What?
07:45Been taken over by Arads?
07:47Stick it on my slate.
07:48No, that's what you already owe, the slate.
07:50Ah, come on.
07:51Naughty, naughty.
07:52I'm not at liberty to give you credit.
07:54Oh, Terry, not you as well.
07:57Thanks, Joe.
07:58Oh, Arthur, what was that then?
08:00I tried to get him to pay his bar bill.
08:04I think you might have overdone it.
08:07Arthur, you're not crying, are you?
08:10No, Dave, I'm drained of all emotion.
08:14Had a bad day, then.
08:16On a scale of 1 to 10, today is 12.
08:19You'd better have a recount.
08:21Why?
08:22You know you wanted me to take them talking dolls up to Billy in Leeds.
08:25He bought 200, cash on delivery.
08:27Yeah, well, you've got more chance of getting them there.
08:29If you put them on the North Circular, press the little buttons and let them walk up the M1.
08:32What is the matter with you?
08:34It's not me.
08:34There's nothing the matter with me.
08:36It's my motor.
08:37Well, what's the matter with your motor?
08:39What's...
08:39Hold on, hold on.
08:40Justin, come here, mate.
08:41Tell him what's the matter with my motor.
08:43Rear suspension.
08:44Almost ripped out.
08:45Ryker hit him.
08:46Straight up the jacksie.
08:47Just another example of police brutality, Arthur.
08:49I can't get it fixed, but you're looking about two and a half.
08:52250?
08:53That's more than I pay for the car.
08:55Hey, look, can't you see if you can get that van going?
08:57Look, we've got two small points here.
08:59You see, firstly, I'm not a mechanic.
09:00And secondly, that van hasn't moved since we towed it into the car lot.
09:04Arthur, the keys are over there in the corner.
09:06What's the word with you?
09:08What is it?
09:10I don't know.
09:11Hold up, he's inviting us over for a drink.
09:14Come on, come on.
09:15No, no, not you.
09:16Look, you go and find Arnie for us, will you?
09:18All right.
09:19Good boy.
09:20Hey, Terry, Terry, stick close with me.
09:22If he asks for money, hit him.
09:26Mr. Daly.
09:27Mr.
09:28McCann.
09:29My name is Guy Wheeler.
09:31Do sit down, aren't you?
09:32Oh, thank you.
09:32Large vodka and tonic de lago, wasn't it?
09:35Oh, very nice.
09:36Well, I'll wait for service.
09:37Cheers.
09:40Add one for yourself, then, Lord.
09:41Thank you, Colonel, sir.
09:42Mr. Daly, there's a business proposition I'd like to talk to you about.
09:46Oh, yes.
09:46What exactly have you got in mind?
09:49Well, first, what about you and I having lunch at my club?
09:52Oh, that'd be very nice.
09:53No, he can't.
09:54No, no.
09:54He's taking me out to lunch.
09:55Um, Terry, please.
09:57Mr. Wheeler, I noticed you when I was at the bar and I said, that is the sort of gentleman
10:02I could do business with.
10:03Didn't I, Terry?
10:04Did you?
10:05Yes, Terry.
10:06Terry, when you've finished your drink, why don't you pop into our car showrooms and
10:09give the engine of that van a tweak?
10:10Tweak?
10:11Transplant, you mean, don't you?
10:12You are taking me out to lunch.
10:14Terry, I did not get where I am today, and I'm sure Mr. Wheeler didn't, by worrying about
10:18our creature comforts.
10:20Listen, you.
10:21I've unloaded five gross of those poxy dolls on the strength of you standing me lunch.
10:26Pray excuse me, Mr. Wheeler.
10:28Oh, Terry.
10:28Terry.
10:30This is the first glimmer of sunshine I've had all day, and you're trying to nose it up.
10:34Look, my nose is never wrong, and it smells money.
10:36Yeah, well, mine wants to smell lunch.
10:38And what's all this moody about give the van a tweak?
10:40I'm not your mechanic.
10:41And you are not a businessman either.
10:43You do the van, I do the business.
10:45And what about my lunch?
10:47Dave, give him a couple of cheese rolls, will you?
10:49Lashing out as usual.
10:52Tell.
10:53He won't come.
10:54Why not?
10:56I think he ranks half a steel-housing from the last job.
10:58Ugh.
11:00All right, look, bum me those overalls, will you?
11:04I didn't get where I am today worrying about creature comforts.
11:09Do you know anything about these?
11:11Yeah, you put your legs in there.
11:12No, not these are van, you pillock.
11:14Menu, sir.
11:15Oh, thank you.
11:19Nice place here.
11:20Not bad, is it?
11:22Drink all right?
11:22Uh, yes, yes, lovely.
11:24I can recommend the filet mignon.
11:26Look, um, don't think I'm probing, but, um, what line of business are you in?
11:32Much the same as yours.
11:34Really?
11:35Buying, selling, entrepreneurial activities.
11:39Ah, I should have guessed.
11:41Not what it was, is it?
11:43Well, nothing is.
11:44Yeah.
11:45Be an entrepreneur these days, you've got to have wall-to-wall high tech, sloppy discs.
11:49I mean, all the big lads in the city now, they've got chains of laundries constantly washing their foreign currencies.
11:55I bet you've got a couple of laundries in your portfolio, eh?
11:58Well, I'm not first division.
12:00Mine are more laundrettes.
12:06No, I'm beginning to feel like an old banger on the highway of life.
12:10Overtaken.
12:11Not much room for the small man, now.
12:14I suppose it's progress.
12:16No, no, if you want to see a really professional entrepreneur, look at her at number ten.
12:20A very clever woman.
12:22Clever?
12:23Bloody genius.
12:24I mean, who else, who else could have done what she's done?
12:27I mean, she has sold the nation a whole host of things they already owned.
12:31Gas, foams, oil, holes.
12:34I mean, she can sell shares in holes.
12:37Holes?
12:38Well, what is this channel of? It's not hole in the ground.
12:42Oh, right.
12:46That you, Justin?
12:48I'll tell you what, mate, if I get this thing moving,
12:50it'd be the greatest comeback since Lazarus.
12:53My God.
12:55The places people get in to hide from me.
12:58Who's that?
12:59Tell him I can't say I might find you here.
13:02Do what?
13:07Oi, where are you?
13:10Don't try to make a run for it.
13:12Make a run for it? What are you talking about? Who are you?
13:14I am Baron McKenna, court bailiff.
13:17I'm going to destrain goods to the value of £3,745.
13:22Now then, Mr Daly, which of these cars are your property?
13:28Uh, and to follow, I'll, uh, I'll have the, um, the fillet in me now.
13:33The off the bone.
13:34Very good, sir.
13:40Tony?
13:44I'm just about to cast my bread upon the waters.
13:47Thought I'd give you a final check.
13:48The conditions look absolutely perfect, Guy.
13:52I recommend that you proceed.
13:55Good.
14:01Well, he's as vulnerable now as he's ever going to be.
14:05I recommend you go have a gold, Guy.
14:08I'll have a gold, Guy.
14:17Now, if you impress me,
14:19ever since we first met in the Winchester,
14:21you haven't once asked me what my business proposition is.
14:24Slowly, slowly, catchy monkey.
14:26Ha, ha, ha, true.
14:28I'm very true.
14:29Well, let's get it out of the way before lunch.
14:31I want to buy you out.
14:33Buy me out?
14:34Some clients of mine would like to buy your car lot and your locker.
14:39I've had an independent valuation made of the properties,
14:43and I think you'll agree that my offer,
14:46based on that valuation,
14:49is fairly generous.
15:01Good to see you again so soon, Mr. Daly,
15:03and don't worry about a thing.
15:04I think you've made a very wise decision.
15:05Thank you, Mr. Pierce.
15:25Hello.
15:27Congratulations, Guy.
15:28He took the bait beautifully.
15:29Hook, line, and sinker.
15:31Excellent.
15:46Oh, Terry, I take it the van is ready for the run-up to Leeds to Billy?
15:51You kidding?
15:52That van's got about as much life in it as Queen Victoria.
15:55Arnie won't come out until you're paying for the last job he did.
15:58The bailiffs have been round looking for £4,000,
16:01and quite frankly, I've had it up to here.
16:04Terence, my son, worry and fret no more.
16:07I bring you tidings of great joy.
16:09Oh, yeah?
16:10What's that?
16:11My retirement, Terry.
16:14My retirement.
16:18Here, well, perhaps next time you'll concentrate on the road instead of the crumpet.
16:22Will I?
16:24Anyway, I have the consolation of knowing that the form filling for this little lot
16:28will fill up your next two days off.
16:31Got a little trouble, have we?
16:34No.
16:34We're playing hunt the fimble.
16:37Hello.
16:37You going into court today, are you?
16:39No, no, I've got the rest of the day off.
16:42Clean desk, empty in-tree, no outstanding queries.
16:47You love yourself, don't you, Taffy?
16:49Aye?
16:50I'll bet if you was a chocolate you'd eat yourself.
16:53Such wit you have.
16:55Such a wit.
16:57Don't work too hard, no?
17:08Do you know what is stopping your promotion, Mellish?
17:10Oh, I wish I knew, Guff.
17:12I sat the sergeant's exam five times.
17:14What is stopping your promotion is your failure to mix with the right sort of people.
17:20When did you last roll your trouser legs up?
17:23Well, two years ago, Guff.
17:26That day trip to Brighton.
17:28Exactly.
17:36Mr. McCann?
17:37William Pearce.
17:39Did you come this way?
17:41I don't think we met before.
17:41Are you new to the area?
17:43No, no, no.
17:43I've lived a room of life.
17:44Really?
17:45Yeah.
17:47Do sit down, Mr. McCann.
17:53So, how can I help you?
17:55Well, I need to arrange a loan.
17:57You've certainly come to the right place.
17:59How much did you have in mind?
18:02£50,000.
18:04You'll be opening an account with us, of course.
18:06Now, how much will your initial deposit be?
18:09No, you don't seem to understand.
18:10I don't want to put any in.
18:12I want to take £50,000 out.
18:14I just need an overdraft.
18:15That's all.
18:17First things first.
18:19When you've opened an account, we'll assess how much we can loan you based upon your assets.
18:23House, income, that sort of thing.
18:26Well, all right, then.
18:27If it's absolutely necessary, I'll open an account.
18:29But first, I need the overdraft.
18:31Well, let's establish a few facts.
18:32How much do you earn?
18:34Well, on a good week, £150, £200.
18:40Are you seriously asking me to loan you £50,000 when you only earn £150 a week?
18:45Well, yeah.
18:48What assets do you own?
18:50House, shares?
18:52Shares?
18:52Me?
18:53No, no, I haven't got any of those.
18:54Well, I've got my flat.
18:56Well, it's rented.
18:59The trouble is, it's all against you, isn't it?
19:02Particularly your age.
19:04My age?
19:05Well, if you were an older man, well on the way in life's great adventure, I might be able to
19:08take a more relaxed view.
19:09But you're young, and that makes you a bad risk.
19:13No, no, but I've got prospects, you see.
19:16Now, if you give me the dough, the money, I can buy out the man I work for.
19:20He's retiring.
19:21What's his line of business?
19:23Well, he's got a car lot and a lock-up.
19:25A car lot and a lock-up?
19:27Yeah, I've got very big plans for them.
19:30Would your employer be a well-known local?
19:33Entrepreneur.
19:34Yeah, I've heard him called that, yeah.
19:37On other things.
19:42All right?
19:43All right, lads?
19:46Dave.
19:47I was advised by Terry this morning that my bar bill stood at £170.
19:51Is that correct?
19:53Yeah, plaster for the two large VATs, or the two cheese rolls for...
19:57Take it out of that.
19:59And while you're at it, my usual.
20:01Drink for little Justine here, drink for the boys over there, and you have one yourself.
20:11No, no, no, no, Dave.
20:12Mine's a large vodka.
20:14It's all right, Arthur.
20:15This one's for me.
20:21Are you sure you're all right, Arthur?
20:25I mean, you don't look bronze.
20:26I should like to formally announce that I am going to retire.
20:30And you just got here?
20:31I am relinquishing my throne, Justine.
20:33I am abandoning the international infrastructure that has been my life's work.
20:37You've had an offer for the lock-up, then?
20:39Not only the lock-up, Dave.
20:40Car lot and all.
20:41Lock, stock and barrel.
20:42Go on, Benny.
20:44No, no, no.
20:44Guy Wheeler.
20:45Viva España.
20:46Oh, right.
20:47You're going to retire to the Costa Packet, then?
20:49Her indoors has let it be known that she would like us to spend the late summer of our life
20:53on the sunny side of the strata.
20:55She's fallen in love with the English culture and the Spanish cuisine out there.
20:59They can do things with two sausage, egg and chips that has to be seen to be believed.
21:03Well, property is certainly cheap.
21:05Yeah, but what are you going to do for mates?
21:07What I understand are some of my old friends out there, former British entrepreneurs.
21:11So what's this Guy Wheeler got planned for your properties, then?
21:15That's not the reason why.
21:16I was about to flog and fly.
21:18Have I been flogged and all, Arthur?
21:20Terence, my son.
21:21Oh, look at him.
21:22He must be going to a function.
21:23Dave, give him a drink.
21:24Yeah, I'll have a quadruple gin and tonic in a straight glass.
21:30So, has this Ponce Wheeler bought me and all?
21:32Course not.
21:33I did have a word with him about you.
21:35I mean, would I forget you, Terry?
21:37Well, what did he say?
21:38Well, he said he's not in the market for a mature minder.
21:43Do what?
21:45Well, he said you're too old.
21:47Well, in that case, you'll be making Terry redundant.
21:50Yeah, in that case, I suppose I am.
21:52Well, then he'll be doing some redundancy pay, won't he?
21:54Don't fret, Justine.
21:56I'll look after him.
21:57Don't worry.
21:57No, no, no.
21:58I want a figure.
21:58Arthur, stated now publicly in front of witnesses, made payable on the day you complete the deal.
22:03So, how much, Arthur?
22:04Eh?
22:05What's it worth, all those years of aggravation?
22:07The right-handers I copped for you.
22:09The bird I did for you.
22:11It all mounts up, Arthur.
22:12So, how much?
22:13Come on, how much?
22:14Yeah, it's difficult to calculate all that up, you know?
22:17Well, that's all right.
22:18We'll help you.
22:19Look, the fairest way seems to be to give Terry a percentage of the purchase price, right?
22:23How much is Wheeler paying you?
22:24Well, Arthur told me it was 50 grand, didn't you, Arthur?
22:28Well, then, 10% of the purchase price seems reasonable.
22:30It may sound reasonable to you, Justine, but you're being very cavalier with my retirement pension.
22:37Terry, how about 2%?
22:39Of the purchase price?
22:41That's ridiculous, Till.
22:43Justine, shut up.
22:45Is it a deal, Terry?
22:47So, it's 2% of the purchase price, right?
22:50Yeah.
22:51Yeah, that'll do nicely, thank you.
22:53Terry, that's only a grand.
22:54Justine, if you care for your continued health, keep out of this.
22:58No, it's all right, Arthur.
22:59Don't worry, Justine.
23:00Everybody's just heard Arthur agree to pay me five grand.
23:04Five grand?
23:05Yeah, 2% of the purchase price.
23:07I just discovered that Guy Wheeler is paying you £250,000, and five grand of that is mine.
23:15Yeah, all right, Terry.
23:16You have my word.
23:18No, I'm going to have more than that.
23:22I'm going to stick to you like superglue.
23:30At the planning committee meeting tomorrow morning, I shall recommend approval of the application.
23:37With, of course, one very important amendment.
23:39Of course.
23:40And then I shall close the deal.
23:57Look, I'm not going to do a runner while you're up in Leeds.
23:59Correction, you're not going to do a runner because I'm not going to be up in Leeds.
24:02All I'm asking is one last favour.
24:04No.
24:06Is this what I get for looking after you all these years?
24:08No, this is what you get for the way you looked after me all these years.
24:11What price loyalty?
24:12What price integrity?
24:14Five grand.
24:18There's more to life than money, you know.
24:21Yeah?
24:22Like what?
24:23Well, keep in one's word.
24:25There is a little man waiting patiently in Leeds for me to keep my word.
24:29He's going to have to wait a bleed a long time then, isn't he?
24:31Listen, if you're so bothered, why don't you take him up yourself?
24:34Because I've got to stay here and sign contracts.
24:36The phone's ringing.
24:45Hello?
24:45Arthur, is that you?
24:46Hello, Billy.
24:47Oh, we're just talking about you.
24:48How are you?
24:49Sounds like a party.
24:49No, no, no, we're not having a party yet.
24:51It's about the...
24:52Just a second, Terry.
24:53Turn that thing off.
24:54It's about the dogs.
24:55Yeah, yeah, Billy, look, look, I know time is knocking on, but hang on a second, will you?
25:00Knock it off, Terry.
25:01About the dogs.
25:03Look, Billy, leave it to me.
25:04No expense will be spared.
25:05Okay?
25:05Bye-bye.
25:14You are Terry McCann.
25:18And you've been taking the mickey.
25:21Perhaps I could pour a little oil on troubled waters.
25:23There has been an unfortunate misunderstanding.
25:27Exactly.
25:27And you have now instructed your bank to pay the full amount owing on the various bills.
25:33Precisely.
25:33And if I care to check with the court, I will find that all the bills have been paid.
25:38Oh, definitely.
25:40Oh, definitely.
25:43In view of the fact that your previous cheque bounced, you'll need to pay cash.
25:47In the meantime, I am taking walking possession of your car lot and its contents, this lock-up and its
25:53contents, and your car outside.
25:55Any other car I see you driving will be automatically impounded, until I am advised by the court that you
26:01have paid all outstanding bills and all outstanding charges.
26:05All of this is mine.
26:07So don't go mutilating any more of the stock.
26:18Those dolls are not my property.
26:19They belong to Billy from Leeds.
26:22Show me the paperwork and I will release them.
26:24Don't stand there grinning.
26:25Do something.
26:27From what I hear, you've been putting it about that I am Arthur Daly.
26:31Everything here is impounded for seven days, at which point I shall review the situation.
26:35At which point, you great Arbroath Smokey, I'll be long gone from this metropolis.
26:40And at which time you can take them dolls and shove them up your pea brush.
26:44Terry, come on in.
26:46Thank you, George, for such a lucid analysis.
26:48Well, ladies and gentlemen, I think we're all agreed that this is a most exciting development, one with enormous potential
26:55for the borough.
26:57A supermarket complex set in a modern shopping plowder would be profoundly beneficial.
27:05Subject, of course, to the supermarket chain accepting our one small reservation.
27:10Oh, thank you, Veronica.
27:11That is an additional access point for the public in this area.
27:17I understand that at the moment it's occupied by some old lock-up.
27:21Well, shall we take a formal vote at this time on the application for outline planning permission?
27:29Red, red and amber. Green, amber, red. Got it?
27:33Where do you come from?
27:35Well, my mummy said it was a stalker. I don't really believe her.
27:38It's true what they say about local councils, isn't it?
27:40What, they all broken off for coffee?
27:42No, they're all in the council chambers and there's a big planning meeting.
27:45Oh. Now, what would you say if you and I had our own planning meeting later on, eh?
27:51What will we be planning?
27:54Well, tonight's forthcoming attractions.
27:56Sound good?
27:57All right, I'll give you a ring later.
27:59Don't you want a coffee or anything?
28:00No, I can't. Arthur's waiting. I'll see you later.
28:02Okay, see you later.
28:14I'm sure you know what you're doing here.
28:16Yeah, of course.
28:18Come on.
28:19Better frame that.
28:24Oi, that was a tenner.
28:26Listen, if that big Scotchman thinks I'm going to be reduced to jostling with a common herd on buses, he's
28:31mistaken.
28:33What are you talking about? A lot of money with these, sunshine.
28:35Good morning, sir.
28:37Just a minute.
28:38Never mind that. What about the dolls and Billy?
28:40No, no, no. I told you.
28:41Lolly before dolly.
28:43You fetch the manager, would you?
28:45Tell him I'm trade, I'm paying cash, and I expect at least 15% discount,
28:49and I'd like one of these in white, delivered to my villa on the Costa Brava, within one month.
28:54Yes, sir.
28:56Are you going to toot around my bar in one of these?
28:59Well, not for long, no, but getting it here and having it shipped out, there's no VAT.
29:03After about a month, this will be a nice little owner.
29:13Yes, I'd like that one.
29:15So would I.
29:17I'll leave a deposit.
29:19Her indoors will come in later to try it on for size.
29:22Do what?
29:23Well, come in handy for when it rains.
29:26In Spain?
29:27Oh, yeah, it do rain in Spain.
29:30Where?
29:32Mainly in the plain.
29:35Good on you to shout me lunch, Arthur.
29:37Oh, at least I can do, Andrew.
29:38After the way, you've looked after my financial affairs all these years.
29:42Any particular reason for this unexpected pleasure?
29:45Yes, I think all the loyal members of my organisation should be suitably rewarded.
29:49As her indoors and me sailing to the sunset.
29:53He's retiring to Spain.
29:55Oh, hey.
29:57Retiring?
29:59There's your tax bill.
30:01Don't worry, Andrew.
30:02I've sold a car lot and a lock-up.
30:04There'll be plenty of money to take care of them little odds and ends.
30:07Can I tell you about these little odds and ends?
30:10By all means.
30:11If you sell all these properties, you will be liable to capital gains tax on all money
30:17derived from the sale at 40%.
30:19Then there's failure to submit tax returns.
30:23I've been busy.
30:24Oh, for the past six years.
30:26You may recall that the Inland Revenue raised an estimated assessment for those years.
30:31It was for £50,000.
30:34I've been paying it off.
30:36Oh, yes.
30:37At the rate of £200 a year.
30:39And you only paid that for one year.
30:41So they are invoking a stiff penalty clause and claiming interest on the unpaid assessed
30:46amount.
30:47Look, Andrew, I'm a simple man.
30:49When all that has been paid off, how much will I have left to retire on?
30:53How much are you selling the properties for?
30:57£250,000.
31:00£250,000.
31:04£5,000.
31:06And that's mine?
31:08Well, it's a good job you told me all about this before you exchanged contracts.
31:16He exchanged contracts an hour ago.
31:23Gentlemen, I have exchanged contracts with Arthur Daly.
31:29So, we're now the proud owners of a disgusting little car lot and brought a little lock-up,
31:35which we will shortly sell to a certain supermarket chain for at least three times what we paid
31:42for it.
31:42I think the least we can do is raise our glasses in a toast to our benefactor.
31:47Arthur Daly.
31:54Now, let me just review the situation to ensure there is no misunderstanding.
31:59Thank you, Maureen.
32:00Having agreed to sell your properties to Guy Wheeler for the sum of £250,000, we, acting
32:07on your instructions earlier today, exchanged contracts.
32:11Subsequently, after a discussion with your accountant, you have concluded that such a sale would
32:15not be in your best interest.
32:17It'd be disastrous.
32:20And as such, you wish to break the contract, cancel the sale, and retain ownership of the
32:24car lot and the lock-up.
32:27Well, I don't see any great problem here, Mr. Daly.
32:29You don't?
32:31No.
32:32Under normal circumstances, of course, the purchaser would go to court for an order of specific
32:36performance, but I think you'll find here we're all right.
32:39Thank all for that.
32:41I don't mind admitting I was a bit worried for a while.
32:43Now, are you saying you can cancel the sale for him?
32:46I can't tell you what a relief that is.
32:49Yeah, but what about her indoors in the Costa?
32:51Another day.
32:52I thought it was too good to be true.
32:54There will be some expense, of course.
32:57Oh, of course.
32:57Send a bill to Andrew.
32:58No, I don't mean our bill.
32:59I was referring to the clause that was inserted in the event that you broke the contract.
33:03Clause?
33:04What clause?
33:05I shall have to return the deposit, of course.
33:08Ten percent of the purchase price.
33:10And you are then liable for 25,000 pounds to Mr. Wheeler for breaking the contract.
33:15Are you saying I've got to pay him 25,000 to keep something I already own?
33:20Exactly.
33:26One red tea, Reg, on the Civic.
33:3023,000 miles, one owner, a nun.
33:33Got that, Ginger?
33:34Right, how much?
33:36Oh, come on, Ginger.
33:37It's a matter of life and death.
33:40Right.
33:42An R-Edge Volvo 34DL, a snip of 485, once owned by the Bishop of Tottenham.
33:49All right, Ginger?
33:51Look, Ginger, I specialise in buying vehicles from the religious orders.
33:55Hey, Terry, where's that Merc the Cardinal brought in?
33:59Uh, no, no, Mr. Patel, this is strictly cash.
34:02No cheques, no plastic, just money.
34:04Right, Terry, what's next?
34:07Vote for Neil Kinnock mugs.
34:10Too gross.
34:11Pristine condition.
34:13No, no, no, take the long view, Imran.
34:15There's bound to be another election one day.
34:17Right, what's next?
34:18Charles and Di shaving mirrors.
34:21A monkey.
34:22Er, 500.
34:23It'll be worth a fortune when he becomes king.
34:25Two pound to go.
34:26About three pounds a time.
34:27Sold to the man with...
34:30I'll ring you back, Imran.
34:32I've just turfed a certain ginger wire off of my car lot.
34:35Your car lot?
34:36It's my car lot, and I'm going to fight to keep it that way.
34:39No, it's mine, until you pay the amount owing on these summonses.
34:42And I thought you might ignore that fact and start moving my goods and shattles.
34:46Hold on, look.
34:47He's trying to raise the dough to pay off his debts, right?
34:49Now, how's he supposed to do that if you won't let him sell his gear?
34:52That's his problem.
34:53I've changed the locks of the car lot.
34:55I must ask you to vacate these premises so that I can change the locks here.
34:58Oh, come on, Jock, have a heart.
35:00Yeah, come on, be reasonable.
35:02The last time we met, you were telling me to stuff your talking dolls up my pee-brush.
35:07Now you want me to be reasonable.
35:08I'm not paid to be reasonable.
35:10Look, you've impounded my car.
35:12You won't let me sell off any of my stock, and now you want to lock me out of my
35:14lock-up.
35:15Haven't you had a good day at the office?
35:17We are merely doing our job.
35:20Without however mitigating circumstances, I'm allowed to take into consideration.
35:24Well, like what?
35:25If you're elderly or suffering from a severe illness, my office will view your case sympathetically.
35:31Why didn't I think of that before?
35:40It's silly, really.
35:41I should have come to you in the first place.
35:44Last time I was here, you said that if I needed funding in the short term, you'd be happy to
35:48oblige.
35:48Indeed I did.
35:49Now, with regard to those court orders, unfortunately, they won't accept payment by check.
35:53No, that's because you bounced the last one.
35:55Yes, quite.
35:57Do sit down, Mr. Daly.
36:00Now, the sum is £2,300.70.
36:05I think we can advance you there in cash.
36:07Um, I think I should explain something.
36:11Hmm?
36:12What's the problem, Bill?
36:15Daly wants to do what?
36:18But he's already exchanged.
36:21And are you going to lend him £25,000 so he can tell us to get stuffed?
36:26Good.
36:27Look, I'll contact Guy.
36:29Can he be here at five o'clock?
36:31Right.
36:32Right.
36:48Terry?
36:50Well, seems like Daly's well and fully in it, I grant you.
36:53But you wouldn't really expect me to break down and cry at that, would you?
36:55Hold on, Taffy.
36:56I'm not asking you to put on a charity concert for him.
36:59Arthur's been stitched before, but this is different.
37:02Who are you?
37:04I'm no grass-wipe, so don't ask me how I found this out.
37:06But there's a bloke who works at the council offices.
37:08He's called Davies.
37:09He works for the planning department.
37:12Seems to me he's taken a very unhealthy interest in Arthur's affairs.
37:15Oh?
37:16In that way?
37:16Well, like chatting to his bank manager and making sure that the bank doesn't lend Arthur the £25,000 he
37:21needs.
37:22Did he know?
37:23Yeah, he did.
37:23And this bloke who's buying Arthur out is supposed to be ever so shrewd, right?
37:26So?
37:27Well, if he's so shrewd, how come he's willing to pay a fortune for something that's not worth a fraction
37:30of the price?
37:31Now, why would Guy Wheeler do that?
37:34I reckon he found out about Arthur's place at one of those Freemasons knees-ups.
37:38Why do you say that?
37:39Well, Davies is a mason, keeps his little black case at the office.
37:42I reckon Wheeler's one of the brotherhood and all.
37:47Where have you been?
37:48I've been waiting ages.
37:49About to see someone.
37:51How'd you get on?
37:52Well, I was doing all right till I told him I changed my mind about selling.
37:55And you seemed to upset him.
37:57Frozen me bank account again.
37:58Oh, God.
37:59Any messages at the Winchester?
38:01Oh, yeah.
38:02Billy from Leeds rang twice.
38:04He's getting anxious about the shortage of dolls in Yorkshire.
38:06I wish that was my only problem.
38:08Well, you got any more bright ideas?
38:09Yeah.
38:10As a matter of fact, I have.
38:12Taxi!
38:13Taxi!
38:14You're what?
38:17They can't all know.
38:19Come on.
38:20I have to make the supreme sacrifice.
38:33Oi!
38:34Where do you think you're going?
38:38What's she got to do with you?
38:39You're just driving a bus.
38:41I'll deal with a conductor.
38:42Your pass!
38:44What's he talking about, Terry?
38:47He wants your pass.
38:49What pass?
38:50Your senior citizen's bus pass.
38:54How dare you!
39:02There you go.
39:02I'll have two forties.
39:03Sorry about that.
39:04Ah, don't worry, mate.
39:05We get them like your dad all the time.
39:08Must be a terrible problem for you.
39:10Yeah, well, I'll do my best to cope.
39:12Yeah.
39:13I'll check his flies.
39:14Pardon?
39:15Check his flies.
39:17We're getting him in all sorts of conditions on here.
39:23You look very properly.
39:25You'd better sit down.
39:36I'm beginning to feel like you're a runner.
39:38Any messages?
39:40What, apart from Billy from Leeds?
39:42Okay.
39:43Yeah, again.
39:44Oh, and the missus phoned Dave.
39:45Who?
39:46Her indoors.
39:47Oh.
39:48What for?
39:48She phoned from that fur shop.
39:51You know that check you left as a deposit.
39:53Doing, doing, doing.
39:57How long do they keep you waiting here?
39:59The DHSS.
40:01People have been known to die waiting in here.
40:05I think that one has.
40:07I think that one has been done.
40:35Daly.
40:40Now, which of you is Arthur Daly?
40:43I am.
40:44Who is this?
40:45This is my personal assistant, who is here to personally assist him.
40:50There are chairs.
40:57Now, what can I do for you, Mr. Daly?
40:59I'm planning early retirement.
41:01I'd like to apply for my government golden handshake.
41:04You wish to retire?
41:06Yes, with the appropriate remuneration, yes.
41:10I find the papers in your file fascinating.
41:16Yes, according to these notes, you owe us quite a bit.
41:19Your last national insurance payments were made in 1957.
41:23Well, I have been preoccupied helping Britain with the export drive.
41:28Glad to hear it.
41:29Have you studied form NIF-48 dealing with unpaid and late contributions?
41:35Not lately, no.
41:37Here you are.
41:38I think you should also read this one on industrial injuries.
41:41And this one that covers mental breakdowns.
41:46And there are these other various leaflets and booklets you should have a look at.
41:51Well, no doubt I'll read these in the fullness of time.
41:53But meanwhile, could you tell me what sort of lump sum I could expect to receive?
41:59Based on the information before me, I think I am safe in saying that you probably can't afford to retire.
42:05But you certainly can't afford to die.
42:22If you're ever offered the job as a getaway driver, turn it down.
42:25Ooh.
42:29Are you sure this is on the up and up, Arthur?
42:31Justine, would I con you?
42:33No, Terry's gone off somewhere with the only set of keys.
42:35Come on, open it up.
42:41Good boy.
42:42Now, let's get 200 of them dollies on board.
42:45Billy from Leeds will give you an envelope for me.
42:47Bring it straight back and I'll give you some wages.
42:53May I just leave?
42:55You all right?
42:56You all right.
43:02Oh, they sound a bit close, don't they?
43:06Hello.
43:07What have we here?
43:09If it isn't the boy wonder.
43:11Shopping early for Christmas, are we?
43:13No, I'm just doing half a daily a favour.
43:16Oh, did you hear that, Mellish?
43:17He's doing daily a favour.
43:19Breaking and entering and stealing.
43:21Looks like three favours to me, Gav.
43:24Arthur, come sort these two out, will you?
43:27He talks to himself as well.
43:29Probably on some drug.
43:32Arthur!
43:33Are you going to come down the station without any fuss?
43:35Or are you going to make my day?
43:37Look, I told you, I'm just doing a favour for Arthur.
43:41My son, Her Majesty's prisons are full of people who were just doing somebody a favour.
43:47Take him away, Mellish.
44:05Arthur!
44:08What's right cut?
44:09Do it.
44:11Dear old Lord, I can't leave you alone for a minute, can I?
44:14No, that's very.
44:16I just wanted to get the dollies up to Billy.
44:19Help raise a few quid.
44:21Towards the 25,000 I've got to raise.
44:24All right, I give in.
44:26Come on, help me load this lot onto Justin's van.
44:31And I'll drive him up to Leeds for you, all right?
44:50We haven't had a chance to talk properly.
44:53I've been a guest of yours at the last two meetings.
44:55How do you do?
44:56I'm...
44:57Don't tell me.
44:58You're Guy Wheeler.
44:59And you're a property developer.
45:03And Tony Davies.
45:04You're a planning officer at the local council.
45:06And what about me then?
45:08Oh, you're William Pearce.
45:10You're a bank manager.
45:12Very good.
45:13Do you do card tricks as well?
45:14I haven't finished yet.
45:17There's something else I know about you three.
45:19You're all bent.
45:21Bent?
45:22Don't get excited.
45:25Just thank your lucky stars that you're all members of this lodge.
45:30Now, the last thing I want is the Freemasonry being dragged through the mud.
45:36I know what you've been up to.
45:38And I think it's time we had a little chat.
45:42No dolls.
45:43No dolls.
45:44No dolls.
45:45No dolls.
45:45No dolls.
45:48No dolls.
45:49I'll kill him.
45:51No, I'll kill you like that.
45:55Ah, Mr. Daly.
45:56And the other faithful Mr. McCann.
45:58You said on the phone there'd been some development.
46:01Is Wheeler gonna sue me for breach of contract?
46:03He's pulled out.
46:04He's broken the contract, called off the purchase.
46:07So that means I don't have to find the 25,000?
46:09On the contrary, it cuts two ways, you know.
46:11Do you mean that Arthur keeps his properties and the 25 grand deposit?
46:15Yes, I do.
46:16I understand Wheeler has been strongly advised to take this course of action by his business colleagues.
46:21Oh, nice one, Jonesy.
46:23No, Muir's the name.
46:25I'll let you know when we receive the money.
46:27Yeah, you do that, sunshine.
46:28Yeah, no, no.
46:29Terry, Terry.
46:30Cheers.
46:36Our agreement was 2% of the purchase price.
46:39I haven't sold the properties.
46:41Well, what does that 25 grand you copped count as?
46:44Well, that sort of act of God.
46:47Cobblers.
46:47If I hadn't got on to Jones, you'd still be running around like headless chicken, trying to save your properties.
47:00Oh, God.
47:02That's another thing.
47:03Put me in a very awkward situation with Jones.
47:05What are you on about now?
47:06I owe him a favour.
47:08No, more than a favour.
47:09He should be on an earner for this.
47:11Terence.
47:12You suggested I should pay money to a policeman?
47:14Have you lost leave with your senses or something?
47:17I don't know where it might end if you want to buy me drinks and all that next.
47:20Yeah, well, never mind about all that.
47:21Let's get back to how much you owe me.
47:23The phone's ringing.
47:24Now, come on. How much?
47:25Look, technically speaking...
47:26Oh, don't give me all that.
47:27How much?
47:29A thousand.
47:31All right, it's a deal. Shake on it.
47:32I am shaking and the phone's ringing.
47:40Hello?
47:40Arthur, it's me.
47:41Hello, Billy.
47:42Told you I wouldn't let you down, didn't I?
47:44Must be joking.
47:45Oh, hey, hey, steady, steady, Billy.
47:47Those dolls...
47:48What are you talking about?
47:50Those dolls, you sort of...
47:50Hang on a minute, Terry.
47:52Get one of them dolls down, will you?
47:53Those bloody dolls.
47:53Now, calm down, Billy, calm down.
47:56What's the idea, then?
47:57You've probably got a rogue doll.
47:58Rogue doll?
47:58Well, you know, like a Friday car.
48:00Arthur, I want my money back.
48:01I mean, somebody's like fine wine.
48:03You know, they don't always travel.
48:04I don't know what you're talking about.
48:06I want my money back.
48:07I want my money back.
48:08You see what I mean?
48:09You're targeting Japanese or something?
48:12Arthur, Arthur, Arthur, Arthur.
48:13Arthur, Arthur.
48:15Arthur, Arthur.
48:15Arthur.
48:17Still playing with the merchandise, I see.
48:19Now, don't tell me you're about to pay your debts.
48:22I'm a patient man, but enough is enough.
48:25I'm confiscating this entire stock of dolls.
48:28They'll be sold and the money's used to settle your debts.
48:31Um, if you like, I could get you another couple of hundred from Leeds.
48:38I get along to Glasgow, dear old Glasgow town.
48:46There's something out of Glasgow cause it's going round and round.
48:53Go, you're a bit more.
48:53Go, go, go.