How My Football Coach Groomed Me

Unfiltered Stories

Olivia Hops will share her obsession story with us on Unfiltered Stories. Olivia grew up as an autistic child who was highly interested in football, so she joined her school's football team. What she didn't realize was that her football coach was grooming her and that she would become completely obsessed with him.   #TrueStory #Survivor #Grooming   Follow Olivia Hops here:  YT: https://www.youtube.com/@OliviaHops  IG: https://www.instagram.com/oliviahops/   Thank you for watching Unfiltered Stories! We offer a platform for our guests to speak openly about their life stories and journeys, shedding light on the challenges they faced and the resilience they've shown.   Our mission is to raise awareness about survivors by delving into their stories, exploring the impact of their experiences, and how they've managed to heal and rebuild their lives.  By sharing these stories, we aim to break the silence surrounding those challenging memories and create a compassionate environment.   🌅 FOLLOW US 🌅  Facebook ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredFB  Tiktok ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredTT  Snapchat ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredSN

Transcript

00:00I almost dropped out of school. I was just going through a really bad time in my life. I was

00:05on a

00:05lot of medication. I don't even remember a lot of this time of my life. Hi, my name is Olivia

00:10Hopps

00:10and this is my story on how I was groomed by my football coach. Growing up, I was very shy.

00:16I

00:17actually didn't know I was autistic until I was 24 years old. My childhood makes a lot more sense

00:23now that I have my autism diagnosis because as a kid, I was very resistant to change, but I was

00:31usually very happy as my love of football grew and grew. I wanted to play and so my parents were

00:37super into me playing flag football. They were really supportive and really proud. I played flag

00:43football on a girls team at my middle school. Unfortunately, when you hit high school age,

00:49there's no more flag football leagues. Your only option was to play high school tackle

00:53football. I wanted to be a part of a team so bad. I wanted to have that camaraderie. So my

00:59head coach

00:59on that JV football team was just the nicest man. He welcomed me with open arms onto this team and

01:08like he gave a whole speech to the whole team. My first practice too, you're going to treat her with

01:12respect and nothing but respect. And he put in a strict no dating policy, which was really funny.

01:18On that team, I had other coaches and this is where I also met the coach who groomed me and

01:25he

01:27was the one that actually taught me how to kick. And he actually made me a very good kicker. During

01:33practices, I did not do a whole lot except kicks. And so he would make sure he spent time with

01:41me,

01:41helping me kick as well. And he was a very, very tough coach in not a mean way or anything,

01:47but like very strict. Being autistic, I can't read social situations correctly at times. Looking back

01:53on it, these are inappropriate situations that for me was just really a fun, like normal, like I don't

02:01see anything wrong with this. Some examples of those situations were, you know, we started texting each

02:07other. I would text everybody. I would text all my teammates, but then I would also text him. And at

02:12first it was just like football stuff, but then it quickly became like, we were just like friends.

02:17He made me think like, he understood what I was going through. He said he went through similar

02:22things as me. It was the start of the grooming process because he was gaining my trust. You know,

02:27he didn't really even need to do much to gain my trust because he was my coach. And as a

02:33player,

02:33I trusted my coaches, including him, he was very ultra protective of me with my teammates,

02:41which again, looking back is very weird. He was very possessive. He didn't like when I would hang

02:45out with my teammates and he would get weird or he'd be upset if I was texting them. And he

02:51made it

02:51seem like he was just upset because it was, you know, they were players, you know, they like were no

02:56good for me. And it was part of that, like no dating rule that my head coach put in. I

03:02thought it was

03:02more of a joking. Looking back, I think he just wanted me all to himself. And so that's why he

03:09did

03:09not like me having any other relationships with any of my teammates or any other guy. So our relationship

03:15did continue to escalate throughout that season and then beyond. Once I became the kicker, I went all

03:23in because I'm ultra competitive too. He encouraged me to practice and practice and practice. And I basically

03:31became very obsessive with kicking to the point where I actually ended up injuring myself. I kicked

03:37literally so much, I broke my back. I stress fractured a vertebrae in my back. And so I had to

03:44go on crutches

03:44and all this stuff. So I think that's when the relationship was texting with my coach, like a lot of

03:50texting, like all day long texting. In school, I was texting him. Obviously at practice, I was seeing him. After

03:56school, after practice, I was texting him. It was constant texting. I won't lie. I very much enjoyed

04:02texting him during this time. It was fun. I thought he was my friend. He would do everything for me.

04:08Like

04:08he was waiting on me. He would literally carry me places so that I didn't have to walk because it

04:14was

04:14painful, even though I was on crutches. And again, I just thought like, wow, like how nice he's taking

04:19care of me. When again, it was just that possessiveness of what groomers kind of do to

04:25their victims. Once the season was over, nobody else continued really contact with any of our coaches.

04:33I still texted him 24-7. I texted him even more now because now I wasn't seeing him every day

04:37after

04:37school. He started picking me up from school and taking me home or taking me to my dad's shop. My

04:43parents were totally fine with this. They didn't think there was anything wrong with it because he was

04:48in a serious relationship. Weirdly enough, during the season and now as I would be getting picked up

04:53from school by him, a lot of my teammates thought that was very weird. And I didn't understand why

04:58they thought that was weird. None of my other teammates liked him. And I thought it was again,

05:02just a guy thing. You know, he's trying to be macho and he's really strict and hard on them. And

05:08he

05:08wasn't really hard on me. He never ever tried to, you know, do anything inappropriate in the sense of

05:15physical touching or anything like that. Like we'd go to dinner or lunch, job or school

05:19and to the game. Nothing of that nature ever happened. But I was getting very, very,

05:24very dependent on him. And it was an unhealthy obsession now of mine because I was obsessed with

05:32him. Like he was like my everything. If he wouldn't text me, I would like go through withdrawals.

05:39Like I needed to be in contact with him at all times. I became very obsessive over constant

05:44contact with him. And as we get farther into the story, that's really how he started to hurt me.

05:51Between breaking my back and now I couldn't play football, which I loved. And I was kind of on bed

05:57rest for several months. I gained a ton of weight. I gained 50 pounds because I was depressed. So it

06:03was

06:03just a very negative time. And it was the start of the darkest time of my life. And he was

06:08like my

06:08light in that. My coach was like my life because he could make me laugh. He made me smile. You

06:15know,

06:15he picked me up from school and make sure I had, you know, something fun to do afterwards. I'm 15

06:19now,

06:20you know, between freshman and sophomore year. And I know that I did not know that I was developing

06:26romantic feelings for him, but I was texting him and he somehow got me to admit to him that I

06:35had a

06:36crush on him. That was like the floodgates opened like from that day on. And my feelings grew very

06:42quickly. I said, well, we can never be together because, you know, you already found your person.

06:48And he's like, I don't think I found my person. You know, he would play into that,

06:52you know, and hook me on like that. Maybe, maybe there was a chance for us to have a relationship.

06:59And the only thing holding us back from having a relationship was my age. He's like, I am having

07:06like these feelings for you that I don't understand that I know are maybe like not allowed. So that's

07:12why, you know, like we can't do anything, but like, don't think that your feelings are one sided.

07:18So he very much played into my feelings and kept me hooked because he made it seem like he

07:25reciprocated my feelings. I just continue to develop more and more feelings, stronger and

07:30stronger feelings. The farthest the relationship went in terms of being sexual is all virtual.

07:36It became sexual and like we would do each other in the sense of like talking dirty or text message.

07:43And I'm getting better at getting over the guilt and the embarrassment and the shame that I feel

07:49from this situation since I figured out what grooming was. But I thoroughly enjoyed these

07:56sexting conversations. I was obsessed with them. I thought they were so fun because this is like my

08:02first ever kind of like sexual encounter. I know it wasn't physical, but it was so real and like

08:09invigorating to me as this like 15, 16 year old girl who had never like even been kissed. And so

08:16this was, you know, just something that I was just over the moon about. I was just having the time

08:22of my life. And I think it was good for me too, because I was so shy. And again, being

08:27autistic and

08:27not knowing I hate being touched. So I, even to this day, I don't like physical things like kissing is

08:36very, I don't enjoy it touching. I don't enjoy it. So this was like the perfect escape for me.

08:41It was just all like make believe in my head, which I was just thoroughly enjoying. So it became

08:47sexual in that nature. And I also started sending him like dirty pictures. I didn't think of

08:54consequences or anything. And he never sent me a dirty photo. I never asked him for one. I didn't

09:01want one. I wasn't interested in that. But I was loving sending him dirty photos. Did he ever say,

09:08no, I don't want one. No, he never said that. So he would pull away and he would come back.

09:13And it was always him initiating the pull away and the coming back. All of a sudden,

09:18he no longer would respond to my text messages. During that point in my life, I was very like angry

09:24all the time because he was like my drug. I was completely addicted to him. He would wait just

09:29long enough to where like, I was so heartbroken and I would kind of be like, okay, like he's gone.

09:35I can move on. And then he'd come right back and he'd be like, Hey, like miss you. Like I

09:40hate life

09:41without you. And you know, all this stuff to just pull me back in and get me right back to

09:47where we

09:47were. The whole thing went on for a very long time. I mean, years and years and years and years.

09:52I didn't really tell a lot of people. I knew that it was like an inappropriate relationship

09:57in the sense of our age. I didn't realize he was, you know, grooming me and playing me.

10:02I didn't realize that I thought it was all real. And I just thought, okay, well, I'll let people

10:06know and tell people once, you know, I turn 18 and you know, we can live happily ever after or

10:11whatever.

10:11I kept it very hush. I was very much suffering alone and going through this alone. So I did have

10:17a breaking point. He had started to pull away. I've been up and down on the emotional

10:22rollercoaster. I was 16 at this time. And I woke up one day and I opened Facebook and there he

10:31was

10:32smack center. First thing on like my feed. And he was kneeling down in front of his girlfriend,

10:37asking her to marry him. And that crushed my soul is so badly because I'm over here thinking like,

10:46wow, like only like two more years. So we get to be together and you know, live this happy life.

10:53When in reality, he's just playing me this whole time. And that's the part where like,

10:58I think I get mad at myself because I'm considered intelligent, but why could I not just break free

11:05from this? He just had a curse over me. I was hypnotized. I told my mom at this point, everything.

11:11I'm not a sharer. I keep my feelings and everything inside, especially to like my mom at the time. And

11:17so, you know, for her to be hearing all of this and seeing me just break down was something that

11:22I

11:23had never done before. She was very comforting. You know, it was like, it's not your fault. You know,

11:28it's okay. And I cried for like a whole day and I felt so awful. And I remember praying to

11:34God,

11:34like, please let this feeling go away because I can't take it. I kid you not, I woke up the

11:39next

11:39morning and I felt fine. And I did start moving on with my life. I started losing weight, exercising

11:45again, you know, getting back into better shape and just loving myself more. I almost dropped out

11:52of school. I was just going through a really bad time in my life. I was on a lot of

11:57medication. I

11:58don't even remember a lot of this time of my life. I started to heal again, like emotionally, mentally,

12:04physically. I ended up like writing him while I was like sobbing and everything, a text message.

12:09It was very nice. I basically said like, you know, thank you for those fun football memories.

12:14Like there are memories that I will cherish forever. I wish you the best of luck, like with your,

12:19you know, your life moving forward. Um, you know, but I'm done. And so I thought that was the end.

12:25Um, and he did not contact me for, I think at least nine months. And then one day phone buzzed

12:33and it was a text from him saying that he missed me and blah, blah, blah. And I got sucked

12:40right back

12:40in again. He had complete control over me. He was thoroughly enjoying the fact that I was just

12:48completely obsessed with him because that feeds his ego. He was always initiating the texting and, you know,

12:54not that I ever said no to the texting. Cause I thought it was innocent and it was fun.

12:58And he was just my friend. I do think that he wanted to do physical stuff. He texted me almost

13:04like on my dang 18th birthday. He reached out and was like, Hey, I'm going through like a really tough

13:10time. You know, I, I, I really could like use a friend. And so here I am thinking, oh, I'm

13:16just

13:17going to actually be just a friend. I was like, okay, like, yeah, of course. Like, what do you,

13:21you need? And he told me that his fiance had cheated on him. And of course I fell for it.

13:26I was like, oh my gosh, that's terrible. And you know, this is in the back of my head. Oh,

13:29he's going to call up the engagement and we're going to go live happily ever after. You know,

13:32I'm of legal age now. So things are different. And he actually asked me in that conversation,

13:37after we talked for a long time, he said, I need to go clear my head. I'm going to Disneyland

13:42tomorrow. Do you want to come? The only reason I did not go is because I had a prior engagement.

13:47If I didn't, I may have gone and who knows what would have happened, but I did not go.

13:52And I'm very thankful I did not go. I have no doubt he would have tried to make physical moves

13:56on me there, which now knowing myself and knowing I'm autistic and I don't like physical affection,

14:01I would not have liked it. And I would have been mortified. I would have been stuck up there with

14:06him,

14:06feeling terrible. After that, he then was very much engaging in asking for racy photos and stuff

14:14like that, which I was fine with because all I ever wanted was for him to ask because then in

14:19my brain

14:20that meant like he really liked me and like wanted to see these racy photos and it made me feel

14:24good

14:25and all this stuff in my teenage brain. This went on for even many years after that. And I'm really

14:32embarrassed and ashamed to say that. So it all finally ended, honestly, when I learned what grooming was.

14:40For real. I had not been in contact with him for probably a year. It's not like I had blocked

14:45him

14:46or anything. I was just living my life and that was fine. But I knew there was still a chance

14:51that

14:51he would come back. And I did not know if I had the strength to say no to him. Summer

14:5721, I finally

14:59was able to start moving on from that point because I felt so guilty and so ashamed. I thought it

15:05was all

15:06my fault and it wasn't until I understood what grooming was and discovered what grooming was

15:10that I finally was able to be like, wow, that's what happened to me. It's his fault. He did this

15:17on purpose. I was a child. I didn't know better. I was very naive. I mean, I knew nothing about

15:22the

15:22real world or sexual stuff. He didn't have to go hunting. I just kind of fell on his lap. Unfortunately,

15:28the relationship morphed from just a very solid coach-player relationship, which is what I saw

15:36it as. You know, now knowing what grooming is and being older, I'm sure that's never what he saw it

15:42as, but that's what my 14-year-old self saw it as. And I don't let what happened after that

15:47affect

15:48my memories of being on that team because I loved playing football on that team. It was one of the

15:56best

15:56experiences I've ever had my whole life. It was just so much fun and it was something that I will

16:02treasure forever. So I try not to let the two mix. I'm not going to let him take those good

16:06memories

16:07from me because he's taken a lot of other things. Advice that I would give anybody who is maybe going

16:13through this is to first and foremost know that it's not your fault. Even if you're not a child,

16:19it's still not your fault because grooming can happen between any two people regardless of age.

16:24You were tricked into going along with it. You know, that was their goal. They wanted you to go

16:28along with it. They wanted to manipulate you into wanting it. Telling my story is what got my control

16:33back and what finally broke that and got him out of my head and out of the control over my

16:38life. So my

16:39life now is, yeah, I think just a lot overall happier because I don't have somebody in the back

16:46of my head anymore. I'd always wonder, you know, if my phone rang, you know, would it be him one

16:52day?

16:52I don't know. And so it was just like that always like, maybe, maybe he could reach back out. Like

16:58he

16:59could be there and I could get sucked back in. And so it wasn't until I basically like exposed him

17:04that

17:05I knew he would never contact me again. And that's when I gained control. So now it's like,

17:09never do I think about him. Never do I think about the grooming. Occasionally, you know,

17:13before I knew it was grooming would think about it and just like feel just like so

17:17embarrassed and ashamed. You know, I'd be going through my day and it would like pop in my head.

17:21I'd be like, gosh, like what an idiot. You're so terrible. Like how could you do this? Now that

17:25doesn't happen. Now I never think about it because I've lost that guilt and shame and I can finally,

17:31truly move on. I think I share my story because I want to try to help other people who may

17:36be going

17:36through the same thing. Because I know when I thought maybe for the first time I could be autistic,

17:41the first thing I did was go to YouTube and look up videos about it. So I want to be

17:46able to be

17:47a resource for somebody who is typing into Google something and hopefully my video can come up and

17:53give them comfort, give them answers. Thank you so much for watching my story and listening to

18:00what I went through. I hope you guys have learned something today and gained some new knowledge to

18:07either help yourselves or help somebody else. If you'd like to follow along with my journey with

18:12autism and overcoming this and anything just in my personal life, my links to my YouTube and Instagram

18:19or down below.

18:21you

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