- 10 minutes ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:12Welcome to The Weekly. I am Charlie Pickering.
00:14We've got a great show for you tonight.
00:16Abbie Jelmy mourns Oscar Piastri's disastrous Grand Prix.
00:19Margaret Pomerantz declares war on SAS Australia.
00:22And my guest is the most streamed stand-up comedian
00:25in the history of Netflix, Hannah Gadsby.
00:32And as always, we've watched all the news
00:34so that you don't have to.
00:36So let's kick it off with the week.
00:42We begin with Thursday and the war in Iran
00:45that, according to the US, is definitely not a war.
00:49We did not start a war.
00:51Strategic strikes are not war.
00:53We're not at war right now.
00:55I wouldn't call this a war as much as I'd call it a conflict.
00:57This is war, and we're taking out the threat.
01:00You'll concede this is war.
01:01We haven't declared war.
01:02They declared war on us, but we haven't...
01:04The president called it war on Secretary Hexas.
01:05We haven't declared...
01:06Senator, when you brought it up just now, you said this is war.
01:08They called it war.
01:09They called it war.
01:09What I was saying...
01:10OK, well, that was a misspoke.
01:12Yeah.
01:14Sucked-in Geneva Convention.
01:15You can't get done for war crimes
01:16if you don't call it a war.
01:19A watertight strategy.
01:21Unfortunately, nobody told the boss.
01:23I have to go back and look at the war.
01:25That often happens in war.
01:27We're doing very well on the war front.
01:31Somebody said, on a scale of 10, where would you rate it?
01:33I said about a 15.
01:35Mm, wow.
01:3615 haigs out of 10.
01:38That is impressive.
01:39Now, the last time America started a war
01:42over weapons of mass destruction,
01:44the Secretary of State, Colin Powell,
01:46at least made a PowerPoint presentation of all the evidence,
01:48with colourful maps, satellite photos,
01:51truck diagrams and enrichment tubes.
01:54I mean, it was all bullshit.
01:56But at least he gave it a crack.
01:57You know, he even brought in some fake anthrax as a prop.
02:00It was nice.
02:01So this time around,
02:03Trump must have some pretty convincing intelligence.
02:06The president, prior to that phone call,
02:08had a good feeling that the Iranian regime was going to strike.
02:12The president's feeling...
02:13The president's feeling that Iran was going to strike.
02:15The president had a feeling again.
02:17Oh, the president had a feeling!
02:18Yeah, a feeling is not a reason to start a war.
02:21A feeling is how you pick a briefcase on deal or no deal.
02:28Yeah, word is he also kidnapped the president of Venezuela
02:35because his horoscope told him
02:36to seize an exciting new leadership opportunity.
02:40While we're talking about feelings,
02:42it's hard not to get the feeling
02:44that Trump didn't really think any of this through.
02:47For starters, with the Ayatollah gone,
02:50who did he plan on taking over?
02:52Well, most of the people we had in mind are dead.
02:54So, you know, we had some in mind from that group that is dead.
03:00And now we have another group, they may be dead also.
03:04So, two full groups of contenders were wiped out,
03:08which means Iran will soon be announcing
03:10its new leader, Ayatollah Stephen Bradbury.
03:16And what about a plan to get American citizens
03:19safely out of the war zone that they created?
03:22Don't worry, they set up a hotline.
03:24Please do not rely on the US government
03:27for assisted departure or evacuation at this time.
03:30There are currently no United States evacuation points.
03:34Your call is unimportant to us.
03:36If you want to hear these options again, stiff shit.
03:40And also, when the US bombing of Iran
03:43shut down the Strait of Hormuz,
03:45a shipping lane responsible for one-fifth of the world's oil,
03:49I'm sure they had a plan for that.
03:51Panic is setting in right across the globe
03:53as people race to stockpile petrol before it's too late,
03:57no container proving to be too big.
04:00People are being warned, though,
04:01against stockpiling thousands of litres at home
04:04with risks the practice could spark a fire.
04:06People are also being warned
04:08that if they do stockpile too much fuel,
04:10there is a good chance Donald Trump will invade them.
04:14To Friday, and despite Trump seemingly not being prepared
04:18for any of this, the White House tried to make us all believe
04:22that everything is super awesome
04:24by putting out propaganda hype videos featuring,
04:27and I swear this is real,
04:29Hollywood action movies cut together with actual missile strikes.
04:34Strength and honour.
04:35Strength and honour.
04:35What will you do without freedom?
04:37Mavericks inbound.
04:42You can't conceive of what I'm capable of.
04:46Finishing this fight.
04:47Yeah, I'm thinking I'm back.
04:50I'm here to fight for truth and justice in the American way.
04:53I am the danger.
04:54F.A.
04:55Time to find out.
04:58Maximum effort.
04:59Finish it.
05:00Here it comes.
05:10I think I speak for everyone when I say,
05:14holy shitballs, what the f*** was that?
05:19You know, this war feels different
05:21to previous American Middle Eastern misadventures.
05:24In the aftermath of US strikes,
05:26including the death of over 150 girls in a primary school,
05:30the US, our largest ally,
05:32has just shown a shocking lack of sensitivity,
05:36led by Secretary of War Pete Hegseth,
05:38who has taken to briefings
05:40with a disturbing level of joyous bloodlust.
05:43America is winning.
05:46Decisively, devastatingly, and without mercy.
05:49Death and destruction from the sky all day long.
05:55We are punching them while they're down.
05:57They are toast, and they know it.
06:00It was sunk by a torpedo.
06:02Quiet death.
06:03The only ones that need to be worried right now
06:05are Iranians that think they're going to live.
06:08I'm not saying he's a bad guy,
06:11but he definitely sounds like someone
06:13who watched Titanic and barracked for the iceberg.
06:17Or he watched the Texas Chainsaw Massacre
06:20and barracked for the chainsaw.
06:21Or watched Friends and barracked for Ross.
06:27History's greatest monster.
06:29And so, with Australia now announcing
06:31it's sending missiles and a military plane,
06:34can the Trump admin at least tell us
06:36how long they expect the war to go for?
06:39President Trump says he believes the war could be over soon,
06:43telling CBS,
06:44I think the war is very complete, pretty much.
06:46What I want your viewers to understand is
06:48this is only just the beginning.
06:49Mr President, you've said the war is, quote,
06:51very complete,
06:52but your defence secretary says
06:54this is just the beginning,
06:55so which is it?
06:56Well, I think it could say both.
06:58Yeah, it's both.
06:59It's both.
07:00He would have said,
07:01Por que no los dos?
07:01But then he would have had to deport himself.
07:06Still to come,
07:07Abby Gelmey gets the Grand Prix up on blocks
07:10to see what went wrong,
07:11and Margaret Pomerantz goes commando with the SAS.
07:14But first,
07:15the stand-up specials Nanette and Douglas
07:17turned our guest into a global sensation
07:20and changed the way the world views stand-up comedy.
07:23Now they're back with Woof,
07:25an animated comedy special
07:26that proves that even in the age of AI slop,
07:29there's still nothing quite like a human
07:31who actually gives a damn.
07:33Would you please welcome
07:34Hannah Gadsby!
07:36CHEERING
07:38Welcome back.
07:39It's lovely to have you back.
07:44So,
07:44Woolf is,
07:45it's part comedy album,
07:47it's part animation,
07:49part fever dream.
07:50I have
07:51a lot of very big questions.
07:54Where are all the Cabbage Patch dolls?
07:55There's no closure on that.
07:57Because that frenzy of desire
07:58might have been biodegradable,
08:00but those anaphylactic plastic visages weren't.
08:02Where the f*** are they?
08:03CHEERING
08:06It's a very valid question to ask.
08:08Where did the idea for this come from?
08:11That's a good reflection of what goes on in my mind.
08:14So that's almost like a little window peering in.
08:16Yeah, it's a documentary.
08:19LAUGHTER
08:21Look, I got sick of looking at myself, you know?
08:24Like, it's just, whenever you do a show,
08:26you've got to, you know, there's the edit,
08:27then you promote, and then all of a sudden,
08:29let's throw to a clip,
08:30and then you've got to watch yourself.
08:31No offence, but I hate it.
08:33And, um,
08:34I was also having an existential crisis.
08:36And I think it's the right time in the world
08:38to have one of those.
08:39Anyone who did it before now, wasting their time.
08:42Right.
08:42They blew their shot too early.
08:45Yeah, right?
08:45Absolutely.
08:46I think with this project,
08:47I wanted to, you know,
08:49give something to the spectrum of attention spans.
08:51Comedy, often now, we're told by the algorithm,
08:54it's your third or second or third screen,
08:56and I wanted to create something
08:58that's the first, second and third screen,
09:00so you can't look away, and it hurts a little bit.
09:02I watched it, and I was like,
09:04I'm going to have to watch that again
09:05to, like, to really get it all,
09:07to take it in.
09:08And I do hope you do,
09:09because I lost a lot of money on it.
09:11OK.
09:15But this, you actually put it up for free.
09:18In this economy, are you mad?
09:20A little bit of regret right now.
09:21Um...
09:23I'm hoarding petrol.
09:26LAUGHTER
09:27You are back at the Comedy Festival this year,
09:29the show called The Evening Muse.
09:31What can we expect from that?
09:33Basically, what I did is I wrote a show about, um,
09:35how it's...
09:36For my mental health,
09:37I have to stop being so self-indulgent.
09:39As a solo comedy performer
09:41who tours all the time on my own,
09:43and I'm autobiographical,
09:45and so I wrote a show about my attempts
09:46to be less self-absorbed,
09:47and then I thought,
09:48it's pretty rank to do a solo stand-up.
09:51LAUGHTER
09:52So I've created sort of a...
09:54..a Tonight Show, if you will,
09:55and I'm using the crutch
09:57of, uh, Australian Trivial Pursuit,
10:00Jenna's edition...
10:01Mm.
10:02..1981 Trivial Pursuit Questions.
10:04It's a classic.
10:04Is that the light...
10:05It's the light blue, is it?
10:06It's the dark blue.
10:06It's the dark blue, wow.
10:07Heavyweight, all right.
10:08That's the junior edition.
10:09Thank you very much.
10:10It's a real crucible.
10:11Mm.
10:12You've been described as an overnight sensation,
10:14but just how drastically did your life change
10:18after Nanette and Douglas just exploded?
10:21Yeah, too much.
10:23I'd made the decision quite early in my career
10:25that I wasn't going to chase the American dream
10:27because it looked like too much hard work
10:28with a high chance of failure,
10:30and I don't like those odds.
10:32So I found myself at a level of success
10:35that really only people with ambition and network get to,
10:39and I don't have either of those,
10:41so I'm just like,
10:41what are you doing trying so hard?
10:43There is something almost poetic about...
10:45I feel like queer Forrest Gump, to be honest.
10:47LAUGHTER
10:47Instead of going to the White House,
10:49I just go on The View.
10:50LAUGHTER
10:51Well, we are delighted
10:53that you are our queer Forrest Gump.
10:56It's a joy to see you again.
10:57Would you please thank the wonderful Hannah Gatsby?
11:00APPLAUSE
11:04It's tough being a diplomat
11:05when you hate every country in the whole world.
11:08I don't like you either.
11:09But Donald Trump finds a way to do it.
11:12This is International Diplomacy with Donald J. Trump.
11:17We're going to cut off all trade with Spain.
11:19We don't want anything to do with Spain.
11:20What is the purpose of the United Nations?
11:22Your countries are going to hell.
11:24They're not doing a good job, Europe.
11:26One of the nastiest countries to deal with is Canada.
11:29I'm not happy with Israel.
11:30For years, we've been ripped off
11:32and taken advantage of by China.
11:34I'm not happy with Iran either.
11:36South America, Latin America, South America, Milay.
11:40We have people from all over the world
11:42being dumped into our country.
11:44After the war, we gave Greenland back.
11:46How stupid were we to do that?
11:48But most European nations there decaying.
11:53Look at Germany.
11:54The UK has been very, very uncooperated
11:56with that stupid island that they have.
11:58We always take people from Somalia,
12:01places that are a disaster, right?
12:03Filthy, dirty, disgusting.
12:05These countries are calling us up, kissing my ass.
12:08Somalia's not even a country.
12:09I'm in Chile.
12:11Oh, good.
12:11How's Chile doing?
12:12Those boats come in largely from Venezuela, Argentina.
12:16We're talking about Ukraine.
12:17Because I'm not learning your damn language.
12:19Why is it we only take people from shithole countries?
12:23It's the age-old question.
12:24International diplomacy with Donald J. Trump.
12:31Let's move into Saturday.
12:33And after last year's disastrous election result,
12:35the Liberal Party has been trying to get to the bottom
12:37of what went wrong.
12:39A review into the Liberal Party's disastrous election defeat
12:42will be put away indefinitely.
12:44A Liberal Party review of last year's election campaign
12:46has been kept secret,
12:48in part to protect Peter Dutton and others from embarrassment.
12:52Yes, we'd hate anyone to find out
12:54that Peter Dutton lost the last election.
12:57But like any good Canberra secret,
13:00the report was licked to the press
13:01and then tabled in Parliament.
13:03And you'll never guess who they blamed.
13:06The secret Liberal Party review
13:07has largely blamed Peter Dutton
13:09and his unpopular policies.
13:12He presided over the Liberals' worst-ever election defeat.
13:16Every demographic, except over-55s,
13:19was lost in a campaign that alienated women
13:21and offended migrants.
13:23A leaked copy of the 64-page report
13:26says a grim and introverted Dutton
13:28made himself captain, coach and ball boy
13:31of an incoherent campaign.
13:33Now, I'm not suggesting he has no friends,
13:37but the only sport where you can be captain, coach and ball boy
13:40is solo totem tennis.
13:43The leaked report revealed
13:45that he was so unpopular with women
13:46that female candidates asked him
13:49not to visit their electorates
13:50and that female voters found his nuclear policy
13:54quote, weird.
13:55The Liberals were quick to learn from the report.
13:57This week, newly appointed Shadow Treasurer Tim Wilson
14:00showed they were ready to put the incoherent
14:03and weird label well behind them.
14:05The problem is the Treasurer keeps pouring debt petrol
14:08on the inflation fire
14:09and he's been fuelling it for four years.
14:12You know, Deputy Speaker,
14:14there's a Billy Joel song that sounds kind of relevant.
14:17Do-do-do-do-do-do-do.
14:19The Treasurer did start the inflation fire.
14:22The inflation's burning
14:24while the Treasurer's squirming.
14:26The Treasurer did start inflation fire.
14:29Yes, he put debt petrol on it
14:31and he cast organised crime to fuel it.
14:33I think I speak for everyone when I say,
14:36holy shitballs, what the f*** is that?
14:40Yes.
14:44My favourite part of the clip
14:46is that you can actually pinpoint the exact moment
14:48where Flinders MP Zoe McKenzie's soul
14:51leaves her body
14:53as she says,
14:54oh, God.
14:57Just longing for the good old days
14:59when the weirdest thing in the Liberal Party
15:01was Peter Dutton's nuclear policy.
15:04To Sunday and a social media storm
15:06around the CEO of McDonald's,
15:08I want to say Mayor McCheese,
15:11who failed on the most basic task,
15:14eating one of his own company's burgers.
15:17There's a new battle brewing
15:18in the fast food world
15:19and it all began
15:20with the McDonald's CEO.
15:22He's getting a lot of reaction
15:24after he posts a video of himself
15:26trying the restaurant's newest burger.
15:29I love this product.
15:30It is so good.
15:32I'm going to do a tasting right now,
15:33but I'm going to eat this for my lunch,
15:35just so you know.
15:35Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
15:37We're not falling for the old
15:38I'm just going to taste it on camera
15:40and then eat the rest later trick.
15:42We all know you're off to eat
15:43some fancy French delicacy
15:46like duck a la range
15:47or a la snack.
15:51But back to the tasting.
15:52How did it go?
15:53First of all,
15:54let's try to get this thing.
15:56I don't even know how to attack it.
15:58Got so much to it.
16:00All right.
16:00The moment of truth.
16:05That is so good.
16:07McDonald's CEO, Chris Kempchinski,
16:09as he tries to demonstrate
16:10his love of the fast food chain's
16:12new Big Arch Burger.
16:14As you can see,
16:14he does not exactly take
16:16the biggest bite.
16:17It really was a tiny bite,
16:19especially when you consider
16:20that reptiles tend to swallow
16:23their prey whole.
16:26Tragically, this sparked
16:28the world's worst phenomenon,
16:30CEOs jumping on a social media bandwagon
16:33trying to prove they too
16:35can eat peasant food.
16:37Burger King CEO Tom Curtis
16:39rolled up his sleeves
16:40and got in the kitchen,
16:41albeit protected by an apron.
16:42Wendy's U.S. president,
16:44Pete Serkin,
16:44suddenly had a hankering
16:46for a Baconator.
16:47Absolutely wonderful.
16:49And he took not one,
16:50not two, not three,
16:51but four bites.
16:53Wow.
16:53Four bites without vomiting.
16:56Wow.
16:57Good job, buddy.
16:58Open wide.
16:59Here comes the private airplane.
17:02But the big issue
17:03with this guy's burger test
17:05isn't that it was done
17:06with all the enthusiasm
17:08of the pistol-and-boo hostage video.
17:11It's that it was unscientific.
17:13I mean, nobody in history
17:14has eaten a Macca's burger
17:15during office hours
17:16in the work kitchenette.
17:18He made no attempt
17:20to replicate real-life
17:22burger-eating conditions.
17:23So I did.
17:33I don't hate you.
17:36You're beautiful.
17:44Yeah.
17:48I, uh...
17:50I don't know where
17:50that footage came from.
17:52Coming up,
17:52Abbey Jelmy
17:53on the Matilda's Tilt
17:54for the Asian Cup,
17:55but first,
17:56the British SAS
17:56began as a clandestine
17:58commando force
17:59wrecking havoc
18:00on Germans
18:01in World War II
18:02and are now
18:03one of the most revered
18:04fighting units
18:04in the world.
18:05Those poor bastards
18:06don't stand a chance
18:08against the raw killing power
18:09of Margaret Pomerantz.
18:16Good evening.
18:17I'm Margaret Pomerantz
18:18and I can't stand
18:19seeing people in pain,
18:21which is why
18:22I close my eyes
18:22when I walk past buskers.
18:24Aussies and Brits
18:26have long been
18:26fierce rivals,
18:28fuelled by Britain
18:29using Australia
18:29to dump its criminals
18:31and Australia
18:32using Britain
18:33for the same thing.
18:35Now our program
18:37aims to determine
18:38which nation
18:39truly has
18:40the toughest metal.
18:41This is Channel 7's
18:42SAS
18:43Australia vs. England.
18:45British and Australian
18:46celebrities
18:47go head-to-head
18:49in the most punishing stages
18:51of SAS selection.
18:53Get in there!
18:54Featuring successful stars
18:56and others
18:57out-of-employment alternatives,
18:59the show is set
19:00on an SAS military selection course.
19:02And it's a formidable
19:04Australian team,
19:05including athletes,
19:07actors,
19:08whatever Toadfish does now,
19:09and swimmer Mac Horton
19:11who immediately engages
19:13menacing intimidation tactics.
19:15This is like a rhinoceros.
19:17It's still the best way
19:18to get a seat to myself
19:19on the train.
19:21Facing the Aussies
19:22is a team of British stars
19:23who prompt the same question
19:25from SAS staff and viewers.
19:27Who are you?
19:28But who reveal themselves
19:30as undeniably
19:31impressive opponents.
19:33I went on Love Island
19:34that I'm not just
19:35all tits and teeth.
19:36Just do that
19:37social media and stuff.
19:38Each episode,
19:39contestants endure
19:40gruelling tasks,
19:42ruthlessly testing
19:43internal fortitude
19:44and stretching bodies
19:46beyond physical limits.
19:48Being constipated
19:49is not a pleasure,
19:50is it?
19:51Reminds me of the time
19:52I ate a wheel of cheese
19:53and had to call in
19:54an exorcist.
19:55Meanwhile,
19:56contestants are
19:57relentlessly hounded
19:58by staff,
19:59prompting existential inquiry
20:01oft-reserved
20:03for hardened soldiers
20:04calloused by
20:05the brutality of war.
20:06Can you just
20:07stand there
20:08and look at my boobs?
20:08Yeah.
20:10Look at all my hairy nipples.
20:12They're lovely.
20:13As the course escalates,
20:15faltering participants
20:16withdraw on physical grounds
20:18all for mental well-being,
20:20a topic understandably
20:22handled with the utmost respect.
20:24Cuckoo!
20:25Not using the old
20:26f***ing brain.
20:26But it's in rare moments
20:28of respite
20:29that the show shines
20:30as facades are stripped
20:32to reveal real people
20:33with relatable
20:34tender fragility.
20:36I once was having sex
20:38and I shouted
20:38the guy's nuts
20:39by accident.
20:40And great to see
20:41the forbidden
20:42chocknut sundae
20:43back on the menu.
20:44Amid scenes
20:45of vaguely recognisable
20:47people being tortured
20:48and richly nuanced roles
20:50for the ethnically diverse,
20:52one is left with little doubt
20:54on television's trajectory.
20:56You must accept pain,
20:58misery and suffering.
21:00But the show's worth
21:01lies in self-discovery.
21:04As participants risk body and soul
21:06in search of illumination
21:08one only finds
21:10when delving deep within.
21:12Went right up in there.
21:13There was a tampon
21:14stuck up there.
21:15Hmm, that reminds me.
21:17I must find a new hiding spot
21:18for my spare key.
21:20Join me next week
21:21when I watch
21:22the History Channel's
21:23Kings of Pain.
21:24Yeah!
21:26That really, really hurts.
21:28I'm Margaret Pomerantz.
21:29Good evening.
21:31Expecting more from you.
21:33Toadfish.
21:36To Monday
21:37and the motorsport world
21:39was still picking up
21:40the pieces
21:40from the 2026
21:41Australian Grand Prix
21:42when six cars
21:44failed to cross
21:44the finish line
21:45including hometown hero
21:47Oscar Piastri.
21:48Australia's brightest
21:49Formula One hope
21:51crashing out
21:52on his way
21:52to the grid.
21:53You'd think for a Melbourne boy
21:55he'd be better
21:55at making a hook turn.
21:57British Mercedes driver
21:59George Russell
21:59took home the trophy
22:00and local fans
22:01took home
22:02whatever wasn't bolted
22:03to the ground
22:04even tearing grass
22:06out of the soil.
22:08But F1
22:09wasn't the only sport
22:10kicking off this weekend.
22:11Here to take us
22:12through all of it
22:12would you please welcome
22:13Abbey Jalmy.
22:19Oh Abbey
22:19big weekend of sport.
22:21Charlie, it's arguably
22:22the biggest week
22:23of the Australian
22:23sporting calendar.
22:24The NRL launched
22:25in Vegas.
22:26The AFL season
22:27kicked off up north.
22:28There was a test in Perth.
22:29The Tilly's in the Asian Cup
22:31and as you mentioned
22:32some very fast cars
22:33just trying to stay
22:35on the park in Melbourne.
22:36So basically
22:37it's been a bit
22:38of an all-in brawl
22:39just to get on the back pages.
22:41Right, so if it's a brawl
22:41I'd say NRL won.
22:43They definitely
22:44came out on top.
22:45Well they are hard
22:46to compete with.
22:47They're literally
22:47up in lights in Vegas.
22:48And the AFL
22:49only really had
22:51this Hollywood cameo
22:52to try to fight back.
22:53Now I didn't have
22:54Tom Hanks
22:55doing some sort of
22:56umpire salute
22:57on my 2026 bingo card.
22:59There he is.
23:00But the AFL
23:01clearly are trying
23:02to scramble for attention
23:03so they threw
23:03this Hail Mary.
23:05Andrew Dillon
23:05wants Aussie rules
23:06to be on the Olympic stage
23:08in Brisbane in 2032.
23:09It's not the first time
23:10we've heard the idea
23:11but it is
23:12the first time
23:13the league chief
23:13has confirmed
23:14the AFL
23:14is actually pushing for it.
23:16Which you have to admit
23:17is ambitious
23:18considering it's
23:19the Australian Football League.
23:21No but I like it.
23:22I like our chances.
23:23It's just Australia
23:24versus whichever country
23:26managed to learn
23:27the rules in the car park
23:28before the game.
23:29Now in the Asian Cup news
23:31the Tillys are through
23:32to the knockout round
23:33meaning Australia's
23:35favourite team
23:36you all thought it
23:36I just said it
23:37could walk away
23:38with silverware
23:39on home soil.
23:40Now if that's
23:41if they can topple
23:42the Democratic People's
23:43Republic of Korea.
23:44Yeah it's a big ask
23:45to topple
23:46the Democratic People's
23:47Republic of Korea.
23:48That's more
23:48a geopolitical situation.
23:49I think it's beyond them
23:50at the moment.
23:51Well if we are going
23:51to speak of politics
23:52we do want to mention
23:53the Iranian women's
23:54football team
23:55who have competed
23:56despite incredibly
23:57volatile circumstances.
23:59We use the terms
23:59brave and heroic
24:01and courageous
24:02a lot in sport
24:02but I think we need
24:03a new term
24:04for what we've seen
24:05from the women
24:05in this tournament.
24:06Absolutely.
24:09And but it's not just
24:11soccer that's been
24:12impacted by this war.
24:14Motorsport is also
24:15being impacted
24:16by the war.
24:17Well the question is
24:17where are the GPs
24:19going to be
24:19because I don't think
24:20you're going to Bahrain
24:20or Saudi Arabia
24:21any time soon
24:22so Melbourne
24:22has literally gone
24:24hang on
24:25we might have
24:26another one.
24:26Did anyone ask
24:27a round?
24:27No but I also
24:30think we were like
24:30we had a very good
24:32chance that didn't
24:32make it to the
24:33opening lap
24:33so if Oscar
24:34would like to
24:35have another go
24:36I feel like
24:39Victorian tax players
24:40would like to
24:41shell out another
24:41for a sporting event
24:44that may or may
24:45not happen here.
24:46I mean that's
24:46never gone wrong.
24:47That's us.
24:48We love our sport.
24:48Would you please
24:49thank Abby Jelman?
24:57Let's roll through
24:58to Tuesday
24:59and while Australians
25:00were already being
25:01slugged at the
25:02Bowser
25:02we were now being
25:04snubbed at the
25:05Browser.
25:05Australians wanting
25:06to access adult
25:07content online
25:08will need to prove
25:09their age from
25:10Monday.
25:10The new e-safety
25:11code will bring in
25:12robust age
25:14verification methods
25:15including photo
25:16ID, credit card
25:17checks and facial
25:18age estimation.
25:19clicking a button
25:20that says I am
25:2118 years or older
25:22is no longer
25:23sufficient.
25:25It is a sad day
25:26for the internet
25:27honesty system.
25:29My date of birth
25:30has been January 1,
25:311900 since my
25:33first day online
25:33and I am insulted
25:35that that would be
25:37called into question.
25:38But the porn websites
25:40aren't taking this
25:41lying down
25:41or against a wall
25:43or improbably stuck
25:46in a clothes dryer.
25:47Some adult websites
25:48have already started
25:50blocking new
25:50registrations
25:51or restricting
25:53access to non-members
25:54ahead of the deadline
25:55to comply with the rule.
25:57That's right.
25:58Porn sites
25:59have memberships.
26:00I've been on the
26:01waiting list for
26:02Pornhub membership
26:03for decades now.
26:04My father signed me up
26:05at birth just as
26:06his father did
26:07before him.
26:08I believe members
26:09are expected to wear
26:10a jacket and tie
26:11while enjoying
26:12the facilities.
26:13In protest,
26:14the Canadian owner
26:15of Pornhub,
26:16the world's eighth
26:17most popular website,
26:18has preemptively
26:19turned off the
26:20porn tap to Australia.
26:22If you look up
26:23Pornhub right now
26:24and yes,
26:25I'll wait.
26:26Instead of the
26:27more salacious stuff,
26:29you now get videos
26:30like women makes you
26:31French toast and loves you,
26:33plus a bunch of videos
26:34of people washing
26:36their hands.
26:37Well, joke's on them.
26:38That's exactly what
26:39I was looking for
26:40in the first place.
26:41It was also a surprising
26:43number of views for
26:44Sad Man Takes Beef
26:46in Car and Cries.
26:48That's hot stuff.
26:53To Wednesday,
26:54and I want to end
26:55tonight with a tip
26:56of the hat to the
26:57good folks at Sunrise,
26:58who created a little
26:59bit of brekkie magic
27:01using the power
27:02of live TV.
27:03We have sent
27:05celebrity chef
27:05Curtis Stone
27:06down to Coles
27:07on a very special
27:09mission.
27:09I'm just going to
27:10walk up to a shopper,
27:11I'm going to ask them
27:12if they want some
27:12help with dinner,
27:13and instead of going
27:14back to their house
27:15and cooking it,
27:15I'm going to bring
27:16them into the studio
27:17and we're going to
27:18do it on live television
27:19and we're going to
27:19make a star of them.
27:20Are you ready?
27:21Am I ready?
27:22You're about to ask
27:23some strangers if they
27:24want you to cook them
27:25dinner at 7.29 in the
27:27morning?
27:27Oh yeah,
27:28I'm ready,
27:29Curtis.
27:30I am ready.
27:31So,
27:32how did this
27:33bold experiment go?
27:34I'm just inviting
27:36you to come with me,
27:37this is the Sunrise
27:38crew,
27:39what are you
27:39cooking tonight?
27:40I'm going to make
27:40some spinach pies,
27:41but dude,
27:41I don't have time,
27:42I've got to get
27:43the kids to school.
27:44Oh really?
27:45Starting to panic,
27:46Curtis began
27:47roaming the aisles,
27:49chasing after
27:50defenceless shoppers.
27:52Could I ask you
27:53one question?
27:53I'm inviting
27:54someone to come
27:55into the studio
27:56with me on live
27:57television.
27:57I can't speak
27:59English.
28:00No problem.
28:01Oh,
28:02well it's lovely
28:03to meet you.
28:03Don't worry madam,
28:05this segment barely
28:05makes sense even
28:06if you do speak
28:07English.
28:08And this poor
28:10woman,
28:11she had already
28:12escaped his
28:13clutches once
28:14before.
28:16With the segment
28:18beginning to spiral
28:19and a mere 12
28:20hours until normal
28:21human dinner time,
28:23Curtis took one
28:24last roll of the
28:25dice and found
28:26Vicky.
28:26I'm offering to
28:27do a midweek
28:28meal makeover
28:29for someone.
28:30Okay.
28:31But we're going
28:31to do it live
28:32in studio at
28:33sunrise.
28:34Today?
28:34Yeah,
28:35right now,
28:35right now.
28:36I do have work.
28:39Some of us have
28:40real jobs,
28:41Curtis.
28:42Well not me,
28:43obviously,
28:43but some of us
28:44do.
28:45The only hurdle
28:46stopping Vicky
28:46from being kidnapped
28:48by Curtis Stone
28:48on live TV
28:49was her boss,
28:51Rochelle.
28:51Let's get her
28:52on the line.
28:52Can we borrow
28:53Vicky for just
28:54an hour this
28:55morning?
28:55Would you allow
28:56that?
28:56What time are we
28:57talking though?
28:58I'll be online
28:59by 9.30.
29:02Ah,
29:02sure.
29:04Rochelle clearly
29:05fired Vicky via
29:06email just three
29:07minutes later.
29:08But none of that
29:09mattered because
29:09Sunrise got their
29:11segment.
29:11Is this the last
29:12thing you thought
29:13you'd find yourself
29:14doing on a Friday
29:15morning?
29:15Yes.
29:16I'm meant to be
29:16working, so luckily
29:18I've got an awesome
29:19voice.
29:20No, Vicky,
29:21you just haven't
29:21checked your
29:22emails yet.
29:25That is all
29:26for tonight.
29:26Would you please
29:27thank Hannah Gatsby,
29:28Margaret Pomerantz
29:28and Abby
29:29Jelme!
Comments