- 2 days ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:28Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:41CastingWords
00:01:28CastingWords
00:01:43CastingWords
00:01:55CastingWords
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00:02:12CastingWords
00:02:15I've just had a thought.
00:02:17What do you think if I asked you to present the awards?
00:02:19Oh, Gabriel, let me stop you there.
00:02:21I'm not presenting these awards.
00:02:23Well, that would be a mistake.
00:02:25A missed opportunity for you, Will the Farmer.
00:02:29With some brand.
00:02:31Gabriel, your little festival, it's a low-rent nightmare.
00:02:34Whatever bullshit you've done to get this accredited by the Academy,
00:02:37it's a win here.
00:02:38Honestly, I don't want to be part of it when it all goes tits up.
00:02:41It's all showbiz, Will.
00:02:42And you are one of the greats.
00:02:45This is an opportunity that should be grabbed with both hands.
00:02:47Gabriel, please, please don't bullshit me.
00:02:50Put on a show, Will.
00:02:53Razzle-dazzle them.
00:02:55It will be you that they'll remember.
00:02:57I don't want to present an award to a shit Tarantino wannabe, Tug Speedman.
00:03:01Truth is stranger than fiction, Will.
00:03:03Look, why don't you stay, listen to the key speaker talk,
00:03:08and then see how you feel.
00:03:10Do you know what?
00:03:11I don't feel well, Gabriel.
00:03:14That was funny, innit?
00:03:15If you've got a tractor, you're a farmer.
00:03:17If you don't, you're just a gardener.
00:03:19Do you know what?
00:03:20I am not sitting here listening to that.
00:03:25Gabriel?
00:03:27Are you all right?
00:03:31I am not sitting here listening to that.
00:03:42I am not sitting here listening to that.
00:03:43I am not sitting here listening to that.
00:03:44I am not sitting here listening to that.
00:03:47I am not sitting here listening to that.
00:03:48I am not sitting here listening to that.
00:03:48I am not sitting here listening to that.
00:03:48I am not sitting here listening to that.
00:03:48I am not sitting here listening to that.
00:03:48I am not sitting here listening to that.
00:03:49I am not sitting here listening to that.
00:03:50I am not sitting here listening to that.
00:03:50I am not sitting here listening to that.
00:03:50I am not sitting here listening to that.
00:03:52I am not sitting here listening to that.
00:03:55I am not sitting here listening to that.
00:04:02Hello.
00:04:10Hello, giggles.
00:04:11Didn't know we were going to be a threesome tonight.
00:04:13What's the point in having a phone if you don't read your messages?
00:04:17Oh, shit. Sorry, no, I've been avoiding my dad all day, so...
00:04:21Phone.
00:04:23I'm breaking up with you.
00:04:26Okay.
00:04:26It's not you. It's your dad.
00:04:31Eh?
00:04:32Not in that way. Just the way he controls everything you do.
00:04:39I'm waiting for the punchline here, but I'm sensing it's not coming.
00:04:44Look, my dad is just my dad. Like, I'm my own boss.
00:04:51Okay, but that is five unread messages, which I'm not going to read.
00:04:57I'm with giggles.
00:04:59Caroline...
00:05:01I thought we were going to make a movie together.
00:05:04I think we're both done with that.
00:05:06You know, you know what? I think I'm just going to...
00:05:25Oh, God, sorry, sorry, sorry.
00:05:37Oh, God, sorry. Sorry, sorry.
00:05:55Dad, where have you been? He's having a heart attack.
00:05:59Will the farmer and a cow jumped over the moon.
00:06:03No, Dad.
00:06:04Gabriel, everything's going to be okay. Alan's here now.
00:06:08Listen to me, son.
00:06:11Do you want to make it in this business or fold shirts at the Chinese laundromat?
00:06:15Pledge.
00:06:16Um, how sure are we that this was a heart attack?
00:06:20Oh, shit. It's not. The film festival.
00:06:22The film festival goes ahead.
00:06:26You're in charge.
00:06:27Gabriel, talk about this at the hospital. Where is this ambulance?
00:06:30Ambulance is on the way.
00:06:31No, Dad, Dad. Cancel the film festival.
00:06:34Alan, I am not willing to donate a kidney,
00:06:38but I am willing to watch you die slowly if you're looking for that kind of thing.
00:06:42Huh.
00:06:45Um...
00:06:46Any idea what you're going to do?
00:06:47Uh, no. No, Will, I don't.
00:06:48Well, good luck with everything.
00:06:50Um, Will the farmer to present best picture?
00:06:52Yeah.
00:07:13Somebody, I am not.
00:07:15I don't want to be somebody I'm not
00:07:19Standing in my shoes, someone I'm not
00:07:23I don't want to be somebody I'm not
00:07:30Standing in my shoes
00:07:32I got this feeling that I'm always gonna lose
00:07:36I guess I know someday I'm gonna have to choose
00:07:41Cause I don't want to hide away, yeah, yeah
00:07:47Somebody I'm not
00:07:49I don't want to be somebody I'm not
00:07:54Standing in my shoes, someone I'm not
00:07:58Cause I don't want to be somebody I'm not
00:08:04Standing in the light
00:08:06And never knowing when it's gonna be my time
00:08:11I got some merchants that I really wanna shine
00:08:15Cause I don't want to hide away, yeah, yeah
00:08:21Somebody I'm not
00:08:23I don't want to be somebody I'm not
00:08:28Standing in my shoes, someone I'm not
00:08:32Cause I don't want to be somebody I'm not
00:08:38So it goes
00:08:42Seems like I'm running blind
00:08:47But oh, you know
00:08:52It's like I'm stuck in time
00:09:16Somebody I'm not
00:09:18Somebody I'm not
00:09:19I don't want to be somebody I'm not
00:09:23Standing in my shoes, somebody I'm not
00:09:29You know, I think I'm gonna faint if we don't eat soon
00:09:33There's a Costa Starbucks back at the station
00:09:36I can get those anywhere
00:09:38I need authentic Edinburghan food
00:09:42I don't know if it's an actual word
00:09:44But it is now anyway
00:09:47Um, there's a greasy spoon three blocks from here
00:09:52Authentic Scottish cafe, it says
00:09:54Perfect word
00:09:55I'm gonna use it in a sentence
00:09:57I just did
00:10:05Where all these Scottish fruits have been sold about
00:10:09You're gonna cop a flower pot if you don't move them trotters
00:10:15At her butt
00:10:17Oh my god
00:10:19I'll get my door
00:10:26Are you sure?
00:10:28Of course
00:10:29He's got no reason to lie, I sure
00:10:31Can we go home then?
00:10:33Alan's sorting it out
00:10:35That can't be good
00:10:42Come on
00:10:53How's it going?
00:10:55A few technical issues
00:10:56But then again, it's an old laptop
00:10:58So I probably need some replacing
00:11:00She means your dad, Alan
00:11:01Oh god
00:11:03Yeah, better, I think
00:11:06He left me a three-page text message this morning
00:11:08That he signed off with
00:11:09And don't mess this up
00:11:11So, safe to say
00:11:13He's better the farm on this festival
00:11:16That'll be fine
00:11:19See, he's working
00:11:21And gone again
00:11:22Yeah
00:11:33Will
00:11:35Gabriel's on the mend
00:11:36That's good
00:11:36Will, I still need a key speaker
00:11:38Please check out time for me
00:11:40No, Will, please
00:11:41I'll give you anything, okay
00:11:42I have a kidney you can have
00:11:44It's barely been used
00:11:45When you get chased by a pack of taxidermists
00:11:48Don't play dead
00:12:06Is there no one here to meet us?
00:12:08It's fine, we'll just grab a taxi
00:12:11Did you not order car service?
00:12:13I'm sorry
00:12:14I'll just bung it on my credit card, shall I?
00:12:17There's no budget for this trip
00:12:22Seriously
00:12:31Good news or bad?
00:12:32My father would say this is a challenge
00:12:35So bad then?
00:12:36Yeah, it's not good
00:12:36One of my key speakers has pulled out
00:12:38He's got the flu
00:12:39One of the criteria for qualifying for an academy award
00:12:42Is you must provide at least two key speakers
00:12:46To tell you movies are good
00:12:48All right, okay, it's fine
00:12:50Just breathe
00:12:53That's it
00:12:54Not the first guy to have a panic attack on us
00:12:57Look, if my dad doesn't kill me
00:12:59Tug Speedman will
00:13:00Godswell's a good movie
00:13:01The ending was much, though
00:13:03No, his father is paying for the festival
00:13:06You know this isn't your fault, right?
00:13:08Yes, but my dad can make it my fault
00:13:10Right, first things last
00:13:13What's a key speaker?
00:13:14Oh, I don't know
00:13:15It's got to be an actor or a celebrity
00:13:17Someone who can talk about their experience
00:13:19Making movies with the other filmmakers
00:13:27Rachel
00:13:28Oh, shit, yeah, Rachel Warren
00:13:30Who is Rachel Warren?
00:13:35She did that stupid werewolf movie with Jess
00:13:38It's in the festival
00:13:39Can you get her?
00:13:41Yeah, I know her well
00:13:42I'm sure she'd love to come and be your celebrity
00:13:49You have no idea where we're going
00:13:52Yes, I do
00:13:59It's this way
00:13:59Come on
00:14:02We made a movie about Chinese families in the 18th century
00:14:06Stories about mothers and daughters
00:14:11This country makes no sense
00:14:20You won't marry this woman
00:14:22You won't marry anything
00:14:24You won't marry anything
00:14:26I hate you
00:14:31This family has to understand
00:14:33Bye. Woman does sure is she wrong you.
00:14:48Hey, remember what we spoke about?
00:14:52Yeah, yeah, Dad. No danger.
00:14:55Hi, we're Ashraf and...
00:14:58Millie.
00:14:59I thought we was going with Millicent.
00:15:02We made Milicious Incent.
00:15:10Do I think we can win?
00:15:12Yeah. What, babe?
00:15:15Well, forget winning.
00:15:16I mean, I'm just here for the fit guys with their sexy Scottish brogue.
00:15:21I mean, I haven't met any just yet, but I did spot this guy.
00:15:24He looked a little bit like Chris Hemsworth on the plane.
00:15:26You know, the guy from Thor.
00:15:28I mean, given the chance, I didn't. I was Thor.
00:15:32You do know I'm not one of your pals, don't you?
00:15:35You know I can't just un-hear this stuff.
00:15:38I will.
00:15:41I'm not really hungry.
00:15:43Nominations for Best Actress are...
00:15:47Fran Whittaker for Hey, Mr. DJ.
00:16:00I can explain.
00:16:01I want you to leave.
00:16:04Out of my house.
00:16:13What's black pudding?
00:16:15It's pork of beef blood mixed with oatmeal and fried.
00:16:18Are we in the same country?
00:16:20No.
00:16:21We're in Scotland.
00:16:23As we presley, for all gods of Shodich.
00:16:26Your sword skills do you a disservice, sir.
00:16:29The seal calls to you.
00:16:32But it is lying.
00:16:34That may be so.
00:16:35The seal is our portal to the future.
00:16:38It is the devil's work.
00:16:40Then the devil does fine work.
00:16:42How are the nominations?
00:16:43Oh, yeah.
00:16:44It's in the back.
00:16:58Hi, guys.
00:17:00We're the Kidnap Gang, and we do kidnap pranks.
00:17:03This is my partner, Darren.
00:17:05Hello, hello.
00:17:06Now, obviously, we've entered two films into the festivals,
00:17:10which doubles our chances of winning something.
00:17:14But, look, I've got to warn you,
00:17:15when we're about, there's always some f***ing afoot.
00:17:19Idiots.
00:17:20Both my dad and my uncle.
00:17:22Well, Gabriel, the guy who runs the festival,
00:17:24he invited us along.
00:17:25He thought we'd be some good entertainment.
00:17:41He said he'd be a woman.
00:17:42Joking, we got her.
00:17:43You didn't.
00:17:44She said she'd do it.
00:17:45Thanks, little madam.
00:17:46Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you so much.
00:17:49Sorry, I'm not really a hugger, but you know what I mean.
00:17:51She said she'd like working with me
00:17:53and the movie's nominated in the festival.
00:17:55You'll cover travel and bar bill.
00:17:57Yeah, bar bill?
00:17:58Yeah, but don't worry about that now.
00:18:00You have a speaker.
00:18:02Hey, is this an exclusive party,
00:18:04or can anybody join in?
00:18:05Tug, you're here!
00:18:07Alert the paparazzi.
00:18:08That's good, that's good, these dudes.
00:18:10No, seriously.
00:18:11Alert the paparazzi.
00:18:12Your dad has press at the awards.
00:18:16How are you?
00:18:17Jade.
00:18:18And what movie are you with?
00:18:19Sex.
00:18:21Well, your film sounds interesting
00:18:23and equally your name.
00:18:26Both subjects I'd love to learn more about.
00:18:30Tug Speedman.
00:18:32Actor, writer, film maker.
00:18:35Triple tread.
00:18:36Tug, have you checked in yet?
00:18:38It's actually just this way.
00:18:39I'll just show you where it is.
00:18:40I want that review.
00:18:49Listen, man.
00:18:51I didn't want to say anything in there.
00:18:53I didn't want to embarrass you.
00:18:55There was no one there to meet us at the airport.
00:18:57Oh, I didn't know we were...
00:19:00You know what?
00:19:01Technical issues.
00:19:03Get it together, man.
00:19:05You do realise what a big deal this is
00:19:07to have me and my movie
00:19:09playing exclusively at your festival.
00:19:12Of course.
00:19:14I thought I played in Ireland.
00:19:17That wasn't a film festival.
00:19:19That was a tent with a projector.
00:19:21Right.
00:19:22No, this...
00:19:24This is the one we've been waiting for.
00:19:27Academy qualifying.
00:19:29You do realise this is going to be huge
00:19:31for my movie
00:19:32and for your festival.
00:19:36Yes, I'll get it together.
00:19:44We're in room 175.
00:19:47Esme Presley.
00:19:49That's my name.
00:19:50Don't wear it out.
00:19:55Don't mess this up.
00:19:57Right.
00:20:01Please let me help you with your bag.
00:20:03I'd be much obliged.
00:20:04He likes people to think I'm his assistant.
00:20:07Yeah, he's certainly a character with a small C.
00:20:11No, he's definitely something with a small C.
00:20:14Ha!
00:20:22We're going to need to separate these.
00:20:25Oh, like a twin room.
00:20:28Don't get me started.
00:20:30Todd likes his space to sleep.
00:20:32Proper diva.
00:20:36You can put that down.
00:20:38Oh, God.
00:20:39Yeah, sorry.
00:20:41Um...
00:20:42Is there a turndown service or do I tip?
00:20:44Oh, no, no.
00:20:45I'm...
00:20:46I'm just helping.
00:20:47Just a thanks, then.
00:20:51Instant coffee.
00:20:52Uh, I...
00:20:53I liked your movie.
00:20:55Well, no.
00:20:55I liked your role in it.
00:21:00It's okay.
00:21:01You can say it's crap.
00:21:02It is.
00:21:02No, no.
00:21:03It's not crap.
00:21:03It's just, uh...
00:21:04It's unusual.
00:21:05Uh, it's time-traveling gangsters, so...
00:21:08But it's up for Best Picture,
00:21:10and it's probably going to get the Oscar qualifying spot,
00:21:12so what do I know?
00:21:14Alan.
00:21:15That's your name, right?
00:21:16The festival director's son.
00:21:19Tug Speedman's a hack.
00:21:20And worse, a hack with a father with money.
00:21:23The writer's inspiration for Gods of Shoreditch
00:21:26was a story with strong female characters
00:21:28who brought about the end of the world of men.
00:21:30Instead, Tug turned a brilliant script
00:21:33into a wannabe gangster action movie.
00:21:36With so much nudity,
00:21:37it could have been set in ancient Rome.
00:21:40Oh, I mean, I thought that it was...
00:21:42Sorry, darling.
00:21:42Body doubles for those scenes.
00:21:44Oh, no, no.
00:21:45I wasn't being weird.
00:21:46I was just...
00:21:46Alan, it's fine.
00:21:47I limit who sees me naked, including Tug.
00:21:51Oh, you thought...
00:21:54Alan, no.
00:21:55Hasn't been like that for a very long time.
00:21:57Tug, I imagine, is currently down in the bar,
00:22:00flirting with any tart,
00:22:01unlucky enough to be with an earshot.
00:22:10I know his father paid for the movie to win,
00:22:13and I'm fine with it.
00:22:14Oh.
00:22:16Alan?
00:22:17Um, yes?
00:22:20Do you want a coffee?
00:22:26That's my dad.
00:22:27Um, I should.
00:22:28I didn't see him, Lance.
00:22:29Is everything okay?
00:22:30Uh, complicated, uh, but...
00:22:33Yeah.
00:23:00Hello, Alan.
00:23:03You all right?
00:23:04Um, yeah, all good.
00:23:06Um, the abdued gate is here.
00:23:08Okay.
00:23:14Yes, we made a movie called Sex.
00:23:27At first, there was nothing.
00:23:30Then, there was woman.
00:23:45So, with the role of the woman is the sole provider,
00:23:47the one giving the pain is the only one that can take it away.
00:23:51My role is to assist of clients, but I'm also an actress.
00:23:55Oh, not again with that stupid werewolf movie with Rachel.
00:24:00Rachel was amazing to work with.
00:24:03And you, too.
00:24:04Yeah.
00:24:05But both equally.
00:24:07Yeah, of course.
00:24:09Do you know what?
00:24:09Whatever, I don't care.
00:24:10Anyway.
00:24:11Can somebody take this off, please?
00:24:24You have 12 finalists in your festival this year?
00:24:28Uh, yes, they are the final 12.
00:24:31The opening ceremony is tonight, and there will be a party.
00:24:36Not quite a party person.
00:24:40Each film has been individually assessed and announced
00:24:44within the required time period?
00:24:46Yes.
00:24:47Uh, no formal queries from the other candidates.
00:24:50Uh, and my father has done all of the, uh, assessments.
00:24:54Your father?
00:24:56Yes.
00:24:57Spoke to him many times.
00:24:59On the phone.
00:25:00Never met.
00:25:02Where is he?
00:25:05Currently sorting out, um, something or other.
00:25:08Like, you know what these crazy filmmakers are like.
00:25:13No!
00:25:15Oh.
00:25:19Ah!
00:25:21I'm absolutely mortified.
00:25:23I didn't mind, really.
00:25:25It was kind of fun.
00:25:26A bunch of kids, them, too, honestly.
00:25:35Very amusing.
00:25:38My preference is to sit near the back and on the aisle for each showing.
00:25:46Yes, we can accommodate that.
00:25:48Your father is the signatory for the festival.
00:25:51Have him speak to me at his earliest convenience.
00:25:54Of course.
00:25:55Uh, no, no problem.
00:25:57Would you excuse me?
00:25:58I, I need to, to go and sort out a, a thing.
00:26:50As if. He's like some old guy.
00:26:54You play your cards, right? I might just let you audition for me sometime.
00:26:59So, obviously networking is the best part of these events. Before Tug realises I'm a tease,
00:27:06his next movie will already be out, starring me.
00:27:13I thought you might be hungry.
00:27:14Thank you. But the breakfasts are meant to be for the film contestants. But yeah, they're
00:27:21not going to miss it, are they?
00:27:23They're adjudicated by your story?
00:27:24Mm-hmm.
00:27:26Chid.
00:27:27Ah.
00:27:27How is your father doing?
00:27:28Still in the hospital, and I think, I think Tug Speedman might just kill me when he finds
00:27:34out.
00:27:35So have you. I always wanted to be an actress then.
00:27:38Come on, move along, Romeo. There's a queue here.
00:27:42I'll talk to you later.
00:27:47You seem to be doing okay so far. Just a few more days. Tug will be happy once he gets
00:27:52his coveted Academy place.
00:27:54Do you like working with him?
00:27:55You don't work with Tug. You experience the carnage he leaves in his wake. He gets used
00:28:01to the crazy after a few years.
00:28:02Yeah, I was going to pitch my film to him.
00:28:04The God Particle.
00:28:06Yeah, I optioned the third book, but I tell you what, an award-nominated actress would
00:28:10look great on the cast list.
00:28:12This is a shit business, Alan. You can do your best performance and some hack director
00:28:16fumbles the ball in the edit.
00:28:19Hey, no. Your character Joe Marsh in Gods of Shoreditch was amazing.
00:28:22Tets and ass don't make a movie. At least my body double had a good bum.
00:28:30The God Particle is a black ops super soldier who seeks vengeance after they have been betrayed
00:28:38on a mission gone terribly wrong.
00:28:39Good pitch.
00:28:41Yeah, but without Esme Presley in it, it's just another silly spy adventure.
00:28:48Actually, can you just give me a full second, please?
00:28:53Alan!
00:28:54My man!
00:28:55How are we?
00:28:56Right, are we all set for my screening?
00:28:57Yes, of course, um...
00:28:59Emmett?
00:28:59Emmett, yes.
00:29:00Yes, no, it's only because I heard there were some, like, technical issues.
00:29:03Who told you that?
00:29:04No, never mind. Uh, no, everything's fine. We're good to go.
00:29:07Perfect.
00:29:07So, yeah, we made a horror movie.
00:29:10Yes, I play a maid.
00:29:12Don't you play a maid in Jade's movie, too?
00:29:14Typecasting is a good thing.
00:29:16Do you actually watch the movies? Have you seen mine?
00:29:18It's got Rachel on it.
00:29:19Uh, no, my dad watches the films. It's more his thing.
00:29:21Of course.
00:29:22Hi!
00:29:23Hey.
00:29:24Um, the breakfasts are actually just for the film candidates, so, uh...
00:29:28I appreciate it.
00:29:29Yeah.
00:29:30Yeah, no, so that means...
00:29:32Sorry.
00:29:34But what if I was a film contestant?
00:29:39Okay, okay, look. If you want to go, like, just, like, wait in the lobby and wait till they're all
00:29:44gone, I'll come give you a shout and...
00:29:46I had to prompt the application form from the library. That was a nightmare while I had inked. So, like,
00:29:50sorry. I ain't taking the blame for that.
00:29:53Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. You've made a movie?
00:29:54Sure. Just like all the cats up in this gaff.
00:29:58It's a personal story. A flick about lovin' on the streets.
00:30:01Mic in your face.
00:30:04That's... that's actually really impressive. I'm not sure how you do...
00:30:08Check it.
00:30:09Shot on a phone. Edited at a library.
00:30:12The equipment was 90s, but it's all good.
00:30:15Uh, well, that... that is all good, but, um, the applications closed, uh, two months ago now, so...
00:30:22Understands completely. But listen here, I ain't interested in what you're selling.
00:30:27For me, this is a golden opportunity of honest food and a bed for the night.
00:30:32Please, I... I... I really don't know how else to say this, but all of the final films have been
00:30:38announced.
00:30:39We can't add this.
00:30:41That's... That's how it is.
00:30:43Sorry. What's your name?
00:30:45Mike. Iron Mike.
00:30:47Wow. Intimidating name.
00:30:49It's cause where I'm bedding down. I have, like, three iron baths tied together.
00:30:53So, Iron Mike.
00:30:54Makes perfect sense.
00:30:56Listen. Alan's gonna take your application because he's good at problem solving and he very much wants to impress me.
00:31:04I'm smelling. I was thinking...
00:31:05What... what's that?
00:31:07Simple. You did a very kind thing for a homeless man and it did impress me.
00:31:10Okay, yeah, that is very nice, but all the films have already been announced, Esme.
00:31:14I don't think he cares.
00:31:17Morning.
00:31:18Oh, shit. I mean, morning!
00:31:21Your father down for breakfast?
00:31:23Uh, you know, he was, but he's an early riser, so you know how it is.
00:31:27We're just going to meet him now.
00:31:29The signatory is a very important part of the process.
00:31:33Yes, of course.
00:31:35Oh!
00:31:41I played Lord Harrington of Mortar.
00:31:48Beast must die.
00:31:52Whatever you think's best.
00:31:58I'm now unarmed.
00:32:01I'll prevent you from doing your duty.
00:32:06Maybe she should kill us both.
00:32:10You've been bitten, mistress.
00:32:15The wolf
00:32:19Courses
00:32:20through my veins.
00:32:23Run!
00:32:27So, yeah, it's a movie with a werewolf in it.
00:32:31Is this the heights that we're together?
00:32:34In the movie.
00:32:36Look,
00:32:37I spent a lot of time and energy into this ending,
00:32:40and trust me,
00:32:42once people see what we've done here,
00:32:45it's best film winners might.
00:32:47Ours.
00:32:49And everyone that was in the movie.
00:32:52Oh!
00:32:54Oh!
00:33:29Agnes, I just...
00:33:31I'm sorry for frightening you, Lady Harrington.
00:33:37Callum,
00:33:39go back to the house.
00:33:41Elizabeth.
00:33:45Now.
00:34:09Shit, no, no, not now.
00:34:12Everyone, look into the...
00:34:19God damn it!
00:34:21No one saw the ending.
00:34:37It was just an utter shit show.
00:34:41I was pretty awesome as the maid.
00:34:53Are you okay?
00:34:57Are you okay?
00:35:05Are you a f***ing enemy?
00:35:08Did you just leave and come back so you could do that?
00:35:11Take some water.
00:35:13F*** water!
00:35:14I want some f***ing cocaine!
00:35:17Oh, f***.
00:35:19Just call my f***ing sponsor.
00:35:23You.
00:35:25Is your pathetic father gonna make it or not?
00:35:28Tell me.
00:35:28Uh, I don't know, but I'm obviously hoping.
00:35:32It's not his fault.
00:35:34Oh!
00:35:36Of course you knew!
00:35:38Everybody knows except poor old Tug!
00:35:41It wasn't like that.
00:35:43Look, as long as the adjudicator doesn't find out, we're fine.
00:35:46We're fine.
00:35:47We're fine.
00:35:49We're fine.
00:35:50Yeah, we're fine.
00:35:51Yeah, we're fine.
00:35:59We're fine.
00:36:00I'll tell you one thing, boyo.
00:36:01He's not gonna be alive when my dad gets his hands on him.
00:36:04Or if you make this go catch up!
00:36:11You.
00:36:13I'm going to the bar.
00:36:15F*** my sponsor.
00:36:37really thought you had to call your sponsor
00:36:42you didn't drink it
00:36:43but you thought about it and you promised go away Esme I'm not cleaning up
00:36:52after you again would you know what mom you know what I'm gonna get you for
00:36:59Christmas a nice big wooden cross so next time you feel unappreciated for all
00:37:05your sacrifices you can climb on up there and nail yourself to it
00:37:26I love you
00:37:27I love you
00:37:34yes the movie did well we are very proud
00:37:45the adjudicator of course he picks the winner
00:37:51that is not correct
00:37:54he just an official Gabriel choose the winner I know Alan and I hope we have
00:38:01made a big impression on him and his father Gabriel we do rap movie next
00:38:25there was a lot of nudity in gods yes well nudity was very important in our story of gods of
00:38:33shortage
00:38:33but some were more comfortable than others I think sometimes nudity is considered controversial
00:38:43in some cultures because it challenges the standards of modesty yes exactly nudity it's a state of mind
00:38:52I'll happily wander around the house all day with no clothes on just let it all hang out feel that
00:38:58breeze
00:39:00it's it's quite liberating
00:39:03would I be shallow if I said size doesn't matter
00:39:11it's perfectly adequate
00:39:17is it true that it's all a force
00:39:21I don't really know
00:39:23well you seem very close with Alan
00:39:25he must have told you something
00:39:27this is starting to feel like an intervention
00:39:30or maybe an interrogation
00:39:32it's because everyone is hiding something
00:39:35Esme
00:39:36we're just curious
00:39:38this festival is really important to us
00:39:41we have vested interest
00:39:44look
00:39:45I don't want to speak out of turn and I understand that you guys are anxious
00:39:49but really you have to speak to Alan about this
00:39:52oh we will don't you worry about that
00:39:55hmm
00:39:58the mountain has arrived
00:40:01you know we all know that you're here
00:40:03can you help with this please
00:40:05they know Alan you might as well just tell me the truth
00:40:08the truth will set you free
00:40:10ok I've spoken to my dad in the hospital he is getting better
00:40:14it is a question of whether he can do the sign off though
00:40:17no he can't not while he's in hospital
00:40:20what's the sign off?
00:40:21the festival director has to sign off on the adjudicator's paperwork
00:40:26can't Alan do that?
00:40:28are you the festival director Alan?
00:40:30no I'm the
00:40:31yeah not the festival director then
00:40:33what's that smell?
00:40:38listen monkey boy
00:40:39I swear to god and the sunny jesus
00:40:42if you don't find a solution
00:40:44I'm gonna drop kick your head
00:40:46and I've done seven days
00:40:48intensive stage combat
00:40:50so you watch yourself
00:41:03forget the gold particle this is producing
00:41:05oh yeah just without the money or the credit
00:41:08you'll cut out for greater things
00:41:10yeah well you clearly haven't met my dad
00:41:12he's gonna kill my movie
00:41:16still living in his shadow just like Tug
00:41:18be thou known self be true
00:41:20yeah well that's really easy for you to say
00:41:21you're an award winning actress with a string of movie titles behind you and I'm just
00:41:25and you're currently a festival director
00:41:29ah yeah I see
00:41:30trying to sway influence with the festival director to try and win an award
00:41:33it's not gonna work
00:41:34oh my what's a girl got to do?
00:41:39mate
00:41:39borrow your shaver?
00:41:42yeah sure whatever you need
00:41:44keep that towel on and I'll cut your hair
00:41:47how to our cleaning service?
00:41:49for sure
00:41:51Mike
00:41:51can we grab a look at your movie?
00:41:54sure
00:41:54it's your funeral
00:42:04well this is it
00:42:06this is where
00:42:08Iron Mike is staying tonight
00:42:10because
00:42:11uh
00:42:11I did have three iron bath tubs
00:42:13they were all tied together
00:42:15and it was really really
00:42:16really good
00:42:17always get a wee check on the buns
00:42:19because you just don't know what's in these buns
00:42:22Mike
00:42:22this is good
00:42:26and phone boxes
00:42:28always keep your eye out for them
00:42:30a lot of people miss them
00:42:31it's
00:42:32really good
00:42:50what
00:42:51what
00:42:52what
00:42:56how
00:42:58Come on.
00:43:12You, uh, you calm down, yeah?
00:43:17Any sit?
00:43:18Help yourself, you usually do.
00:43:21I wake up this morning and you're gone.
00:43:23I didn't think you'd notice they're intensely snoring.
00:43:28I'm at a loss here, Esme.
00:43:30What's going on?
00:43:33Do you remember the little talk me and you had?
00:43:35I support you, you support me.
00:43:39That's all I ever do, is support you.
00:43:42Yeah, well, you've been missing an action all weekend.
00:43:46I've been here all this time.
00:43:48The question is, where have you been?
00:43:51Clever.
00:43:53How's that working out for you?
00:43:56That's the thing about relationships.
00:43:59They give you reason to live.
00:44:02Revenge.
00:44:04Hey, hey, do you remember this?
00:44:06I've heard there was a secret chord.
00:44:10No.
00:44:10That David played it pleased the Lord.
00:44:14But you don't really care for movies, do you?
00:44:19It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth.
00:44:23Sit down.
00:44:24The major falls, the minor lifts.
00:44:28The baffled king composing, hallelujah.
00:44:34No?
00:44:36Those old cheap moves aren't going to work on me anymore.
00:44:39I've got plenty of new cheap moves for you.
00:44:41How are you going to face all these people when they find out you paid for the award?
00:44:45The question is, babe, do you feel paid for?
00:45:01Esme!
00:45:06That's bad, Gigi, mate.
00:45:07You need to let her take a moment.
00:45:08But she's upset.
00:45:11Having your bridges burned is never going to be easy.
00:45:13But she's strong.
00:45:27I think he's better from an older person.
00:45:31But this is your fault, Jess.
00:45:33You were in a f***ing movie.
00:45:35She was very giving as an actress.
00:45:38Okay, can one of you please just tell me what's going on?
00:45:43Rachel can't do it.
00:45:44Uh-huh.
00:45:45We forgot Jade posted on Rachel's socials that she was so b***y she's probably playing the werewolf.
00:45:51Why?
00:45:52Because it was my role.
00:46:00Wow, what a transformation.
00:46:04Hey, got meself some new threads.
00:46:09It's going to be a long night.
00:46:24I mean, this is getting ridiculous.
00:46:29Sorry.
00:46:30Caroline!
00:46:31Hi!
00:46:32Um...
00:46:33Oh...
00:46:33Hey, Alan.
00:46:35Could I be the most beautiful girl in the world?
00:46:38Uh...
00:46:38Uh...
00:46:39Caroline, wow.
00:46:41Um...
00:46:41What are you doing here?
00:46:42I mean, I'm glad that you are, but...
00:46:45Why?
00:46:47Seems most men take advantage.
00:46:50Except you, of course.
00:46:52Giggles was a mistake.
00:46:54Ha-ha.
00:46:56I'll still do your announcements.
00:46:58If you want me.
00:46:59Really?
00:47:00Oh, Caroline, absolutely.
00:47:01That'd be amazing.
00:47:02Yes, yes.
00:47:03Thank you so much.
00:47:05Wow, slaying it, Mike.
00:47:07Nobody even seen a man on a sud.
00:47:10Ah, she's just getting a bit excited.
00:47:12Our film's showing today.
00:47:14Malicious intent, gangster comedy.
00:47:16Has malicious intent even got a chance?
00:47:19Well, it's a lower budget than Tugs' film, but...
00:47:21Hopefully we spent the money where it really mattered.
00:47:25We got the secret ingredient.
00:47:27Me?
00:47:28I'm the secret ingredient.
00:47:30Well, look, when Millie was 10, we'd done a short film together called Daddy's Girl.
00:47:37Those clips are a springboard for malicious intent.
00:47:41It's like the story picks up from that point.
00:47:45She was much cuter then.
00:47:47Not such a pain in the arse.
00:47:52Well, the best advice I can give is that you never know who's going to grow up to be famous,
00:47:57so just make yourself available.
00:47:59Oh, don't be a tart.
00:48:00Well, I wish it was Beyonce.
00:48:06I've been looking for you.
00:48:08I found me.
00:48:09Well, I thought maybe you wanted some space.
00:48:11Good choice.
00:48:13Or you could just kill all the girls prettier than me.
00:48:15Or maybe just tug. Sorry.
00:48:20Where are all the good guys at?
00:48:22In the heart or in the head?
00:48:24You think I'm a good guy?
00:48:27Well, when your instinct tells you to do something, you don't do it.
00:48:31So maybe when it tells you not to, that's when you should.
00:48:35Oh.
00:48:37Read the room, Alan.
00:48:39This is the consensual kissing part.
00:48:44Caroline's back.
00:48:50Your ex that caught with your best friend, Caroline?
00:48:53Yeah, she wants to present the awards.
00:48:57That's good, I guess.
00:48:58Great for you.
00:48:59Well, the whole thing with giggles was a mistake.
00:49:01I mean, I always thought so.
00:49:02But I guess she's realised it too.
00:49:04So, um...
00:49:05Yeah, no, great.
00:49:06I'm so pleased to be here.
00:49:09Are you okay?
00:49:10Yeah, just peachy.
00:49:12Learning lessons all the time.
00:49:14Right, um, um, just wait just one second, thank you.
00:49:30Ladies and gentlemen, I would be happy to present our next film, Malicious Intent.
00:49:36No, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait.
00:49:44Um...
00:49:47My apologies.
00:49:49There will now be a short interval as I need a word with the festival director.
00:49:55Young man.
00:49:58This is totally irregular.
00:50:02My paperwork should have been signed and she mailed off this morning.
00:50:07So, I understand.
00:50:08He's just busy.
00:50:10He fobbed me off with that before.
00:50:12Where is your father?
00:50:14He is festival director.
00:50:15Fully understand.
00:50:16End of the next movie, he'll be here.
00:50:18Yeah, listen, young man.
00:50:20This might seem like a game to you, but it's also my job.
00:50:24And I don't like explaining to my line managers that I can't manage a simple task such as getting a...
00:50:31Signature!
00:50:33Stand on me.
00:50:34I will sort it.
00:50:37So big day.
00:50:41Yeah, it is.
00:51:02I curse them to hell as hub both fought the swell.
00:51:08Our ship danced like a moth in the firelight.
00:51:13Wild horses rode high as the devil passed by, taking souls into Hades by twilight.
00:51:23Five weeks out to sea, we were now 43.
00:51:27We buried our comrades each morning.
00:51:32In our own slime, we were lost in the time.
00:51:36Endless night, we were dawning.
00:51:43Oh, I wish I was back home in Derry.
00:51:49Oh, I wish I was...
00:51:55So essentially, it's like a black ops agent.
00:51:57Oh, oh, Caroline, you have to meet our resident movie star, Esme Presley.
00:52:02Today, everyone's a star.
00:52:04They're all billed as starring or also starring without earning that recognition.
00:52:08Caroline, you're back from outer space.
00:52:12I notice you cry a lot in your films.
00:52:15Your tear ducts must be very close to your bladder.
00:52:18Has Alan talked you into the presenting?
00:52:20All these Best Actress nominees and I'm just thinking, shut up and get a salad.
00:52:25Uh, so, um, Caroline thinks that we should just come clean with your adjudicator.
00:52:30Not the best idea.
00:52:32Is that your own thought or do you need a screenwriter?
00:52:37Caroline, we should be friends.
00:52:40Yes, I agree. Best friends.
00:52:45I think that ending needs work.
00:52:47How about less silly questions and a bit more shut the hell up?
00:52:51How did you make her look younger in the film?
00:52:54Was that computer stuff?
00:52:55This is a man who thinks the plural of goose is sheep.
00:53:00I ain't saying anything.
00:53:01So then, your, uh, your style's clearly more...
00:53:05...gangster than it is horror?
00:53:07Hey, that character played Dudley in your movie?
00:53:10He was awesome.
00:53:14Joy.
00:53:16All right, ladies and gentlemen, our next film is...
00:53:22Sex.
00:53:24Have fun.
00:53:25...
00:53:31...
00:54:02There's no escape from what I must do turn around and bend over I can't wait forever
00:54:13I think it's time to leave
00:54:17I'm young, I'm all dressed up, I'm on my way to marry the asexual awakening and there's 290 years separating
00:54:24me from the films of Kevin Smith
00:54:42Tough love
00:54:43Tough love
00:54:48Tough love
00:54:49Tough love
00:54:50Tough love
00:54:51Tough love
00:54:52Tough love
00:54:54Tough love
00:54:56Tough love
00:54:57Tough love
00:55:02Didn't fancy sex then?
00:55:04It was beauty that killed the beast. Malicious intent should be good competition for Tug. It might blindside him.
00:55:13Well, we can hope so. But look, I'm probably the most non-competitive person here, so I win.
00:55:20Secrets and lies. Come with me.
00:55:28This is bang out of order. Have you any idea how much shit I went through to get the day
00:55:32off today? This ain't my day job, you know.
00:55:34It's not Alan's fault.
00:55:37It's not Alan's fault.
00:55:37Well, this does land squarely on Alan's door.
00:55:40I was thinking, since no one saw the ending of my film, can we screen it again maybe?
00:55:48Look at you, all of you. No problem is too big. We can't fix it if we work together.
00:55:54What's that?
00:55:54Esme, you're beautiful on the inside, but it's important you understand your limitations.
00:56:01Alan, what I'm saying is, if anyone actually saw the ending of the film, then people would know that my
00:56:06character disguises himself as older.
00:56:08I will play your dad, and I will sign off this whole festival.
00:56:16What?
00:56:17I've got range.
00:56:21Hit him.
00:56:23I can't play Gabriel. That accent's incredibly tricky.
00:56:27If you don't do it, then all of this is over for everyone.
00:56:32Hello, son. How are you?
00:56:34Oh, God, this has disaster written all over it.
00:56:39Something is missing.
00:56:40Could be range.
00:56:43The meanness.
00:56:44Yeah, Gabriel is an asshole.
00:56:47Oi, I'm not happy, and I don't like it.
00:56:50Oh, my God.
00:56:53There's me.
00:56:55Is my foot scrub in there?
00:56:58Yes, it's gonna be brilliant.
00:57:02And bring my razor as well, will you?
00:57:05Yeah.
00:57:22You've been blowing hot and cold me all day.
00:57:25Everything's fine in my world.
00:57:28You might want to tell your face that.
00:57:31This is a big day for us.
00:57:33You bought the award, Tug. Hardly meritable.
00:57:37I read a book about this once.
00:57:38You sure it was a book? You sure it wasn't nothing?
00:57:42This is show business, not care business.
00:57:46You're like all the worst parts of a girlfriend.
00:57:49And do you not want to meet a producer?
00:57:52And just for that, when the movie comes out,
00:57:55I'm gonna get Matt Damon to play you.
00:57:57Oh.
00:57:58Well, maybe I'll get Jade to play you, then.
00:58:01Jade?
00:58:02Yeah. Your new producing partner.
00:58:06A little girl-on-girl action.
00:58:10I'm joking.
00:58:12Unless...
00:58:13Unless you'd be up for it.
00:58:22Jesus, I was only joking.
00:58:24It's not a joke. I'm feeling lost.
00:58:27Hey.
00:58:28I've heard there was a secret code.
00:58:30Stop!
00:58:31That Michael played to please the Lord.
00:58:33Stop!
00:58:36If I explained it, I think I'd only confuse you.
00:58:41Do you know what?
00:58:43I think it's times like this.
00:58:44If I wasn't a multi-award winning, talented filmmaker,
00:58:48and you were just an ordinary girl,
00:58:50then we wouldn't have these problems.
00:58:53On Gods of Shoreditch, I was supposed to be an associate producer,
00:58:57but in reality, I was more of a dog's body.
00:59:00Seriously, this again.
00:59:02I told you.
00:59:04It's whatever it takes to get this shot.
00:59:08Look.
00:59:10You can produce the next one in full.
00:59:12Yeah, my dad's already on board.
00:59:15Take that back, and I'll kill you.
00:59:18You're the producer.
00:59:22Game face on.
00:59:24Hooray for Hollywood.
00:59:37Couldn't you hold the bloody lift?
00:59:39Oh, didn't I?
00:59:43Come on.
00:59:44Come on.
00:59:49Oh, God.
01:00:09Are you not going to change for the paparazzi shorts?
01:00:12It's not really my thing.
01:00:13Besides, Gabriel would wear something like this, right?
01:00:16No, I've got a bad feeling about this.
01:00:18Listen, son, I've got this old routine work there.
01:00:21No routine, okay? This isn't an audition.
01:00:23Just say hello and then sign the pissing document.
01:00:26Where's your wife?
01:00:27I think we should just come clean.
01:00:29Hello.
01:00:31You must be the adjudicator.
01:00:33My son, Alan, has been telling me all about you.
01:00:38Sorry for being a bit busy.
01:00:40This film festival malarkey kept me on my toes.
01:00:43Yes, seems to have ramped up a notch with the screening of Gods of Shoreditch.
01:00:48One of my personal favourites.
01:00:51Um, now that you're here, my paperwork needs a signature.
01:00:59Absolutely.
01:01:00Happy to.
01:01:02Thank you, you.
01:01:06Oh, sorry.
01:01:08Forgot who I was there for a second.
01:01:12Is that her what?
01:01:14I'll need a final signing off when the winners are announced.
01:01:20Your accent seems off.
01:01:25Uh, it's, it's posh voice.
01:01:30A posh telephone voice.
01:01:32Yeah, I should use it all the time, really.
01:01:35Right.
01:01:36Your honour.
01:01:37May I show you to the next screening?
01:01:43Oh.
01:01:46You know, my movies are inherently amazing.
01:01:50It's all about the big screen.
01:01:53And it's not easy being an action star.
01:02:02Shouldn't you be up there now that you're here?
01:02:06Yes.
01:02:07Uh, absolutely.
01:02:09He is such a star when it comes to these things.
01:02:17Uh, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce to you, Gods of Shoreditch.
01:02:25And it stars, big round of applause for its stars, Esme Presley and Tugs Beatman.
01:02:46Good entrance.
01:02:48You want to see the one I'm going to make when I, uh, win my award?
01:02:51What?
01:02:55No!
01:02:55Get out!
01:02:58Crazy filmmakers trying to draw attention to their film.
01:03:02I thought they were quite fun.
01:03:08You know, they do say I'm the new Robert Rodriguez.
01:03:10Except I star in my own movies as well.
01:03:13Maybe Robert was smarter.
01:03:21You fought well, despite the twists of ankle.
01:03:25You will live to fight another day.
01:03:28And I assure you, it is not serious.
01:03:30I took the liberty of feeling the bone.
01:03:33And it is perfectly sound.
01:03:36Oh, sir.
01:03:37How will I ever thank you?
01:03:39Please, do not think of it.
01:03:42It is my honor to serve you.
01:03:45Will you not be seated?
01:03:46Pray, excuse me.
01:03:49I do not wish to leave a watermark.
01:03:53Permit me to call tomorrow afternoon.
01:03:57So that I may inquire after you.
01:04:04Fight hard.
01:04:06Fight for me.
01:04:14Alan's, uh, pitching me some shitty book movie.
01:04:18The Gold Particles, the third book in a series.
01:04:22That guy.
01:04:24The Irish Connection.
01:04:26Massaca and f***ing Chips.
01:04:28Shit.
01:04:29That director is the worst.
01:04:32He couldn't even direct traffic.
01:04:34You know, they should have come to me, Tug Speedman.
01:04:39You know I'm right, babe.
01:04:54Fun and happiness in short supply?
01:04:57Out of the frying pan and into the fire.
01:05:00It is always difficult when one person moves on.
01:05:02Hmm.
01:05:04Spoke to Dad this morning.
01:05:06Er, he's recovering, but no mention of my movie, so...
01:05:10Nice guys don't finish last.
01:05:12Yeah.
01:05:15You're planning something that's going to get me in trouble, aren't you?
01:05:18Oh, most definitely.
01:05:34But...
01:05:42You best move out of the way, and let me be.
01:05:44This is not how it works.
01:05:47Nice time, Stump Boys.
01:06:02Ah!
01:06:23Thank you everyone for your kind words and praise.
01:06:26The buffet has been provided for yours truly.
01:06:29Fill your guts.
01:06:33You really don't have to do this.
01:06:35You know they have a meal before their wards.
01:06:37These ain't for me.
01:06:54That went well.
01:06:55Thanks for that.
01:06:56What happened to the group?
01:06:58This is the best fun I've had all year.
01:07:06What's this?
01:07:08Naughty movies?
01:07:09Or my ransom demands?
01:07:13We have a late entry to the film festival.
01:07:17And I wanted you to experience it in my full company.
01:07:26Late entries are highly irregular.
01:07:36But this could be a lot of fun.
01:07:40Well, this is it.
01:07:42This is where Iron Mike is staying tonight.
01:07:46Because I did have three iron bathtubs.
01:07:49They were all tied together.
01:07:51And it was really, really, really good.
01:07:55I don't know what you want me to say.
01:07:58Mike's was the best film.
01:07:59I have no patience with best.
01:08:01I have no patience with fairness.
01:08:04Life is not fair.
01:08:05Love is not fair.
01:08:07And as long as we still breathe the air of a free capitalist society,
01:08:13business will never be fair.
01:08:17Sacrifice, Alan.
01:08:20Like the kamikaze pilots used to do.
01:08:23Yeah, that's a discomforting stay, isn't it?
01:08:26Hemorrhoids cause discomfort.
01:08:28This is open heart surgery.
01:08:36The phone, Alan.
01:08:38You said I could produce.
01:08:40I will knock you the f*** out right here, right now.
01:08:44We did the right thing.
01:08:47Are you okay?
01:08:51Movie stars do not have opinions.
01:08:56Sorry, I know you're his dad,
01:08:58but Alan worked damn hard throughout this festival.
01:09:00And I suppose the bros code is over now,
01:09:04you f***ing tugs wife.
01:09:05I think I'm done here.
01:09:10We're bloody ruins.
01:09:23Alan, you know what I'm going to say.
01:09:25Yes, I know.
01:09:25You're ending.
01:09:26But I'm not being funny.
01:09:27The only thing I care about ending is this festival.
01:09:29Eyes front.
01:09:31God, does making movies have to be all this difficult?
01:09:34I'm looking forward to this.
01:09:35Who's doing your presentation?
01:09:37Hope is a surprise.
01:09:38Oh, me too.
01:09:39If she shows up.
01:09:41Hmm?
01:09:42Hmm.
01:09:43I do love surprises.
01:09:57Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for our wonderful guest speaker, Caroline Doherty.
01:10:03APPLAUSE
01:10:08So very glad to be here this evening amongst all the wonderful filmmakers and stars.
01:10:16To be a filmmaker, you have to be psychotic in your desire to do something.
01:10:21For the first category, best actress in a feature film, Millie Ward from Malicious Affair.
01:10:31APPLAUSE
01:10:33Esme Presley in Gods of Shoreditch.
01:10:37APPLAUSE
01:10:39And Fran Walsh in Hey Mister DJ.
01:10:43APPLAUSE
01:10:45And the winner is...
01:10:47This is just a start.
01:10:48Esme Presley.
01:10:50APPLAUSE
01:10:55So very well done.
01:10:56I would like to show my immense gratitude to all of the team involved in Gods.
01:11:05APPLAUSE
01:11:09And for our first Best Picture nominee, we have Hey Mister DJ.
01:11:15You didn't think to thank me, the man who made it all happen.
01:11:18A film about a time in the 90s where DJs were Gods and gangsters ruled the streets.
01:11:24Your ego will be strict enough tonight.
01:11:27Let's have a look.
01:11:34What'd you throw up there?
01:11:36Just, er, just some bags I was storing stuff in.
01:11:40Right, get yourself freshened up.
01:11:42Got a great place for us to go to.
01:11:44Oh, Oscar, I'm not feeling up to it.
01:11:45Hey!
01:11:45You're single now, remember?
01:11:48Half an hour off.
01:11:50And the next category is...
01:11:54Best Newcomer nominees.
01:11:55Lin Chang for Opera in The Evening Garden.
01:11:59Millie Ward for Malicious Intent.
01:12:02And Jess Bronski in Mysterious.
01:12:07And the winner is...
01:12:09Millie Ward in Malicious Intent.
01:12:17Oh, my God, I don't even know what to say.
01:12:19Um, thank you so much to the festival.
01:12:22Thank you so much to everyone that I've met.
01:12:25And if you would like to come for drinks afterwards,
01:12:29then, er, meet me at 7th.
01:12:31She knows how proud I am of her, doesn't ya?
01:12:34Hey, I was nervous, and I got one!
01:12:37I mean, it looks like roughly the right shape.
01:12:40I mean, it's gonna save me a tonne of barriers.
01:12:43And our next Best Film nominee is for Malicious Intent.
01:13:04And the next category is Best Editing nominees.
01:13:09We have Emmett Bronski in Mysterious.
01:13:13Target Speedman for Colt Shoreditch.
01:13:17George Cheng for Opera in the Evening Garden.
01:13:21And the winner is...
01:13:24Well, this is a vindication,
01:13:26considering no-one saw the ending.
01:13:28And our third Best Film nominee is Gods of Shoreditch,
01:13:32a story about time-travelling gangsters.
01:13:36By night one way, by day another,
01:13:39this shall be the norm,
01:13:41until you take true love's first kiss,
01:13:44and love takes its true form.
01:13:50But there's no one else!
01:13:53On a rather exciting category, Best Actor nominees,
01:13:58we have George Cheng in Opera in the Evening Garden.
01:14:05Ashraf Ward in Malicious Intent.
01:14:09Tug Speedman in Gods of Shoreditch.
01:14:13And the winner is...
01:14:17Tug Speedman.
01:14:20Gutted, mate.
01:14:22Proper gutted.
01:14:24I honestly thought I was in movies chat.
01:14:27Me too.
01:14:29I was the best actor.
01:14:30And our fourth Best Film nominee...
01:14:34I didn't know nothing about no.
01:14:35Fourth nomination.
01:14:37..is a work of modern-day art versus Immense Need.
01:14:41Now, let's have a look at Homelessness and The Man by Mike Creed.
01:14:46So there's certain things that you would do,
01:14:48well, certain things you look for,
01:14:49like shopping centre.
01:14:51Pounds on the trolleys.
01:14:52That's a pound, like...
01:14:54Pounds, like...
01:14:57200 point.
01:14:58And we're down to the final award of the evening.
01:15:02Best overall film of the festival.
01:15:05And the winner is...
01:15:06Hardly a win if you paid for it.
01:15:11Mike Creed.
01:15:24Well, it looks like you might have just run Best Film Tag.
01:15:28Here, focus!
01:15:30Thanks and everything.
01:15:32The beds are really comfortable!
01:15:38This isn't right!
01:15:40This f***ing film wasn't even in the program!
01:15:43What the hell even is this f***ing shit film?
01:15:46My daddy paid for all of this!
01:15:48What are you talking about?
01:15:50This was all paid for!
01:15:52No, not him!
01:15:53That's just a shit actor!
01:15:56This is outrageous.
01:15:57I knew something was wrong.
01:16:01Okay!
01:16:02I thought he was pretty convincing.
01:16:05You've falsified records!
01:16:07There may well be charges!
01:16:09What charges?
01:16:11No, no, no, please.
01:16:11Alright, look, I'm sorry.
01:16:12This whole thing was my fault.
01:16:14Don't punish or charge anyone else.
01:16:16My dad, Gabriel, guy from the phone,
01:16:19had a massive heart attack,
01:16:21and he had so much money invested in this festival.
01:16:23And is Tug Speedman telling the truth?
01:16:27Technically, yes.
01:16:28Most of it was his money.
01:16:30His father's money.
01:16:31Yes, but we went with our hearts,
01:16:33and that's why Mike won Best Film.
01:16:36I don't judge the films.
01:16:38Merely here to make sure that the festival is run properly.
01:16:41From what you're telling me,
01:16:43this has been an absolute farce!
01:16:52Mr. Audjudicator,
01:16:54excuse me for interrupting.
01:16:56I have known Esme a long time,
01:16:59and, well, if my word has any bearing,
01:17:03Esme,
01:17:04she always speaks from her heart.
01:17:08Ms. Warren.
01:17:12Warren.
01:17:17I am a huge fan of your movies.
01:17:23And your words do carry significant weight.
01:17:27But this is an official matter.
01:17:30Hmm.
01:17:31I fully understand that.
01:17:34But,
01:17:35if Esme says that Homeless Man is the best film,
01:17:42I would not disagree.
01:17:44Thank you, Rachel.
01:17:47You're welcome.
01:17:49Thank you, Rachel.
01:18:13Producers.
01:18:14Erm.
01:18:15Is this jacket okay?
01:18:16It feels a bit big.
01:18:21Sometimes he's got to take the chances.
01:18:23Do you regret taking a chance on me?
01:18:26Who am I to argue with the producer?
01:18:32Do you miss Tuck?
01:18:35The pig.
01:18:36Wherever he is and whatever he's doing,
01:18:37let's just hope he's not messing us.
01:18:51Total submission, b******.
01:18:55Is this going to hurt?
01:18:56True love is pain.
01:19:10True love is pain.
01:19:54Turn over and action.
01:20:02I'm not playing a street walker.
01:20:05It's a tart with a heart.
01:20:07What a second rate street walker wearing an outfit like this.
01:20:09I'm first class.
01:20:10I want best you to come out.
01:20:11Just do it, Harry's Britain, please, babe.
01:20:16Idiot.
01:20:19So you know the saying, never work with children or animals.
01:20:24Loves me really.
01:20:25Hey.
01:20:26Goodbye, Dave.
01:20:27Bye, Dave.
01:20:29I'll see you next time, bartending night.
01:20:30Bye, Dave.iliar.
01:20:41Bye.
01:20:55Buddy.
01:21:01¶¶
01:21:42¶¶
01:21:44Some beautiful paths can't be discovered without getting lost.
01:21:50I never did thank you, did I?
01:21:56Emmett?
01:22:01I've got something for you.
01:22:02Oh, God, please do not kidnap me now.
01:22:05You'll like this.
01:22:10Oh, please, he did it to himself. We went back on his word.
01:22:15You're welcome.
01:22:18Why did you just not leave us alone?
01:22:21We told you time and time again, but you still don't listen, do you, sister?
01:22:30Oh, okay.
01:22:31All right?
01:22:32No.
01:22:33No.
01:22:34No.
01:22:34No.
01:22:34No.
01:22:37No.
01:22:38No.
01:22:39No.
01:22:39No.
01:22:39No.
01:22:40No.
01:22:45No.
01:22:46No.
01:22:47No.
01:22:47No.
01:22:47You
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