- 4 hours ago
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00:02Chilling for your boy.
00:05Yes.
00:07Cornbread.
00:08I'm ready. I'm ready. Game on.
00:10Okay.
00:13Nice. This is what I'm talking about right here.
00:16Mm-hmm.
00:21Oh, man, I already dipped.
00:23What was that?
00:25All right, all right, all right, all right.
00:28Okay.
00:30Unknown number?
00:32This better be good, because I already dipped.
00:37Marty, why you calling from this number?
00:39Uh, is that Malcolm? Let me talk to him.
00:41No, baby, it's Marty. He's got a flat on the side of the 101.
00:44Oh, why doesn't he just call a tow truck?
00:47For a flat tire?
00:49We bundle him in. We don't call a tow truck for a flat tire.
00:53Say what, you already called him.
00:57Ask him if Malcolm told him he's seeing someone.
01:00Babe, he's broke down on the side of the road.
01:02Then he has time to talk.
01:05Okay, okay, okay, okay, babe.
01:07Marty, no, don't you... What?
01:09Since when do you leave work without your phone or your wallet?
01:13I know you ain't about to eat chili over my nice rug.
01:17I'm not eating chili at all.
01:29Marty, what the hell are you doing here?
01:31Well, hello to you, too, Mommy.
01:35Your dad said that you were stuck on the side of the road.
01:37Well, I think I would know if I were.
01:41Why didn't you tell me that your brother was dating a reality TV star?
01:45He is?
01:46Oh, Mercedes!
01:49You're no help.
01:52No, no, I got it.
01:53Uh, the, uh, security code is 314.
01:57Thanks.
01:57And zip code?
01:59Zip code?
02:00Marty, you've had the same zip code your whole life.
02:03Sorry, Dad.
02:04I'm just a little scrambled.
02:05I want to get home safely.
02:07Okay, all right, all right.
02:08Just calm down.
02:09Uh, the zip code is 91101.
02:13Daddy!
02:14How's it going?
02:15Shh!
02:15I'm on the phone with Marty.
02:19Thanks, Dad.
02:20It just went through.
02:23What the hell?
02:25Who's that?
02:26It was you.
02:27No, I'm me.
02:28That was not me.
02:29If that wasn't you, then who did I just give my credit card to?
02:34Aw, damn.
02:35I just got got.
02:38Welcome to the block.
02:39Welcome to the neighborhood.
02:41Welcome to the hood.
02:44Yeah, no, my high school mascot is a bear.
02:47Now, can you freeze my card, please?
02:50No, I know my favorite movie.
02:52It's training day.
02:53What do you mean that?
02:54It's not my favorite movie.
02:54I know my favorite movie when I see my favorite movie.
02:58Okay, so not that in the barbershop.
03:03Hey, Calvin, can you fix a TV?
03:05Dave?
03:05Dave, I'm on the phone.
03:06No, no.
03:07Do not put me on hold, sir.
03:08Do not put me on...
03:09They put me on hold.
03:13What's wrong, Dave?
03:14I punched my TV and broke it.
03:16Been there.
03:172017, when the Astros cheated the Dodgers.
03:21Me, too.
03:23Series finale, Game of Thrones, nuff said.
03:27It wasn't like it.
03:28It wasn't like that.
03:29Okay.
03:29I was wearing my VR goggles and I was trying to knock down mushroom sprites in Pixie Quest 3D,
03:35you know?
03:39I didn't realize my TV was there.
03:41You get it.
03:42No, no, I get it.
03:43Those purple mushrooms are so mischievous, but you gotta hit them like this.
03:48Really?
03:50Video games?
03:51See, this is why you can't change a damn tire.
03:54Daddy, it wasn't me!
03:58Does this mean we can get into Mercedes' restaurant?
04:01I mean, we should be VIPs.
04:04Expired.
04:04I'm not going to that place.
04:06I could never support a woman who pulled a fire alarm at a sushi bar just so she could
04:11get a table.
04:12You said that was genius.
04:14You love Mercedes.
04:15Keep.
04:16Well, that's when she was a trophy diva of Brentwood.
04:20Now she's just a woman that's sinking her claws into my little boy.
04:23Does cereal go bad?
04:25This box has Gabby Douglas on it.
04:27Aww.
04:29It could be bad, but I ain't throwing Gabby away.
04:33Expired.
04:34Why's he doing this to me?
04:35Why is he keeping it a secret?
04:37Because he knows you can be...
04:40What could I be, Jimmy?
04:42I don't want to say while I'm standing on a chair.
04:46This is good.
04:53Look, man, I get it.
04:54It's not easy dating a celebrity.
04:56How would you know, Trey?
04:58Don't you remember?
04:58I dated Sheridan.
05:00She was on Price is Right.
05:01Aw, yeah, yeah.
05:02She, uh, she won the showcase showdown?
05:04That's how I went to Greece.
05:06Okay, look, it's not really the same thing, Trey.
05:08You know, Mercedes is an international celebrity.
05:11Uh, Greece is international.
05:15Anyway, all over the Internet, everybody's asking,
05:18who's the mystery guy?
05:19This is what Mercedes was warning me about.
05:21Man, who cares?
05:22She's worth it, isn't she?
05:23Yeah, she is.
05:25Definitely.
05:25I just...
05:26Look, I like my privacy, man.
05:28You know, it's only a matter of time before I'm in the public eye.
05:32Any day now, some vulture's gonna get my photo
05:34and make a fortune off of it.
05:36Yeah.
05:37That's a damn shame.
05:38That's why I stopped dating celebrities.
05:45I should've known it wasn't you.
05:47Like, you could go ten feet without your phone.
05:53I know you're just lashing out.
05:55Am I losing my edge?
05:57Am I slipping?
05:58Debbie, these scammers have gotten so sophisticated,
06:00it could happen to anyone.
06:02Has it happened to you?
06:03Me?
06:08No.
06:11You see, they...
06:12I come from a time that if you got taken,
06:15they did it to you in person.
06:16They respected you enough to scam you to your face.
06:22Well, Cal, you know, you wouldn't have gotten taken
06:24if you spent a little more time keeping yourself sharp.
06:27You should do what I do.
06:29Puzzles, brain teasers, crosswords.
06:31Oh, uh, what's a four-letter word for insufferable know-it-all?
06:35Whew.
06:36I know this one.
06:40It's Dave, isn't it?
06:42You are sharp.
06:44You know, Dad, you could put in a little more effort to be tech-savvy.
06:47I mean, I went through a lot of trouble to install that Wi-Fi sprinkler system,
06:51and you won't even open the app.
06:52I-I like my hose.
06:54I like to use my thumb to hit the brown spots in my grass.
07:00You won't even use the spray nozzle.
07:03Why would I do that when I have a thumb?
07:07You know, how about you use that same thumb on the app
07:10to hit those same brown spots?
07:12Then I wouldn't have a dry thumb.
07:13Well, I don't like a dry thumb.
07:18Daddy, you were just so resistant to anything new.
07:21You know, Calvin, as long as you stay this stubborn,
07:24stuff like this is gonna keep happening to you.
07:27Why ask me this?
07:28Why did the voice sound exactly like you?
07:31Well, uh, Calvin, scammers can clone people's voices
07:35that post things on the Internet.
07:37Well, you don't post on the Internet, do you?
07:40I mean, have-have I ever posted anything online?
07:44I'm-I'm sure in special circumstances.
07:48Marty, are you forgetting?
07:50Calvin, he's got a YouTube channel.
07:53Move over.
07:54But I don't post that often.
07:57Calvin, he has got a weekly show.
08:00It's called The Butler Debunkteth.
08:04What the hell is that?
08:05Okay, look, I just feel like, as a scientist,
08:08it is my duty to inform the public
08:10about misconceptions in superhero movies.
08:15In-in-in what?
08:18Superhero movies.
08:19Now that I've explained it,
08:21we don't need to watch it.
08:22No, no, no, let's watch this one.
08:24Hard truth.
08:26I don't care how strong Kal-El,
08:28a.k.a. Superman, is,
08:30lifting a building is not just about strength.
08:31It's about that object's ability to withstand its own weight.
08:35If lifted from a single point,
08:37a skyscraper would collapse...
08:43and crush everyone in Metropolis.
08:46But they don't tell you that part, okay?
08:48They don't tell you that part.
08:49That is what you learn here at Butler Debunkteth,
08:53where the only superpower is science.
08:57Ha-ha!
09:00Wow.
09:0161 views.
09:03It's only been up for two months.
09:05It's just great.
09:07Now I gotta fill out 18 different forms
09:10to get my money back.
09:12I hope your zero seconds of fame was worth it.
09:17Man, I thought the comment section was mean.
09:21This one calls you Bill Nye the celibate guy.
09:29Well, thank you for taking me out for coffee, Mama.
09:32That was a, uh, that was a nice surprise.
09:35Well, I'm always happy to spend time with my firstborn,
09:38who shares everything with me.
09:42Anything else you wanna tell me?
09:44I can't think of anything else.
09:46Think harder.
09:51You know what?
09:51What?
09:52I just bought an air fryer.
09:54Oh, okay.
09:55Well, do you like it?
09:56It, uh, it hasn't come in yet.
09:58Okay, Malcolm, I drove an hour and paid $34 to park.
10:02Is there anything else you wanna tell me?
10:04Look, Mama, I-I told you about the cat
10:06that lives on my front porch.
10:08Right?
10:09I-I told you I got a loyalty card from the coffee place.
10:12I told you I got a birthday email from my optometrist.
10:14I-I don't have anything else.
10:21Uh-huh.
10:26Surfing?
10:27Not for me.
10:32Trey, you bought a surfboard?
10:33Nah, nah.
10:34People just leave these out for you to use.
10:40I don't think that's true.
10:43Okay, I'm gonna go.
10:44Um, unless there's something new in your life
10:46that you just remembered, is there?
10:48Uh, well...
10:49Miss Tina, I just got my forklift license.
10:53Aw, that's so nice.
10:55Thank you for sharing something from your life, Trey.
11:06Aw, I hate this, man.
11:08Keeping secrets from my mama.
11:09So, tell her about Mercedes.
11:11You said it yourself.
11:12It's gonna get out.
11:13Yeah, I know.
11:14But I'm not ready.
11:15Well, you should get ready.
11:16It could get out as early as today.
11:18For all we know.
11:23Trey?
11:25You ain't readin' no damn book, Trey.
11:28Is it already out?
11:30For all we know, yes.
11:33Really, Trey?
11:34I'm sorry, I'll get a towel.
11:35I'm not talkin' about the couch.
11:36You sold me out.
11:37I thought we was boys.
11:38Man, we are boys.
11:40Somebody was gonna get paid.
11:41I'm not gonna let some vulture get paid
11:42off my friend's misery.
11:44So, now we're makin' money off your misery.
11:49So, you sold me out for a couple of bucks.
11:51Wow.
11:55Whoa.
11:55Your half.
11:57Just put in an air fryer for, like, 30 seconds.
12:00Oh, my God.
12:01I better go tell my mama.
12:02She will never forgive me if she hear it from the streets first.
12:05Well, you better hurry up.
12:07There's a couple guys out here
12:08tryin' to take pictures through the window.
12:12Just stop posin', Trey!
12:16I guess it could be, Malcolm.
12:18Oh, it definitely is.
12:19Let me zoom in.
12:20Look at that. Look at that.
12:21Yeah, well, now it's just a blurry blob.
12:23You can't even recognize your brother's own ear.
12:26It looks just like your dad's.
12:27Look, see? Look at that.
12:32What are you doin'?
12:33I'm lookin' at your ear.
12:34Well, I'm tryin' to do Sudoku.
12:37Why?
12:38Dave was clowning me about gettin' scammed.
12:40They say doing puzzles sharpen the mind, so...
12:44Oh.
12:44Oh, Sudoku, eh?
12:46But that box has nothin' but eights in it.
12:49Yeah.
12:50It's my eight box.
12:53Ooh, hey, guys.
12:54Uh, can I borrow some muscle?
12:55And he helped settin' up my brand-new 70-inch flat-screen TV.
13:00Dave, you have a teenage son.
13:03He helped Dave get it into the house.
13:05Took so much out of him, he went to bed.
13:08Well, piece of advice, Dave?
13:11Teach the boy how to change a tire.
13:15I didn't have a flat tire!
13:20That's a big TV, Dave.
13:21Yeah, a 4K OLED?
13:24That must've been pricey.
13:25One would think, but I was on my way into the store
13:28and I saw a guy with this baby in his shopping cart.
13:31He was tryin' to return the TV
13:33because it was too big for his shelf,
13:34but the return line was too long.
13:37Yeah, it already sounds sus.
13:41Let me finish.
13:42He didn't wanna wait,
13:43so he asked if I would take it off his hands.
13:46He wanted full price,
13:47but I haggled with him and got $200 off.
13:52Okay.
13:53Well, it's a good thing you didn't pay full price
13:55because whatever is in this box
13:57is definitely not a TV.
14:00Yes, it is.
14:01Because being a savvy consumer,
14:03I made him open the box and show me.
14:06Marty?
14:08Oh, yeah.
14:09Whoa!
14:10Well, I stand corrected.
14:12But I am.
14:14Yeah, I felt bad takin' advantage of the guy,
14:17but it's a dog-eat-dog world out there,
14:19and today, I ate dogs.
14:23Don't. Well, don't even.
14:25Let's fire this bad boy up.
14:31Well, it certainly is high def.
14:37The hell is that?
14:41Well, David, it appears as though you have bought
14:44a Gravy Jack's menu.
14:46No, no, no.
14:47No, no, no.
14:48Good.
14:48Guys, it must just be on the chicken channel.
14:52Dave, there is no chicken channel.
14:56And that is the remote for an adjustable bed.
15:03You know, after looking at all these ears,
15:06I think it could be Malcolm.
15:08Yeah.
15:09You never realize how weird ears look
15:11until you look at a thousand of them.
15:14Hey, Ma, we need to talk.
15:16What is it?
15:17Well, remember when you asked me
15:20if there was anything new going on in my personal life?
15:22Mm-hmm.
15:23Well, I just remembered something.
15:25Hmm.
15:27Mercedes...
15:27Who called it?
15:29Who called it?
15:30Okay.
15:32So you knew?
15:33Yes, baby, I knew.
15:35Oh, Mama.
15:36And what were you thinking?
15:37That woman is toxic.
15:39She's materialistic.
15:40She is a drama queen.
15:42Whoa, now, now, hold on, Mama.
15:43You were the one who told me
15:44to give Mercedes a chance.
15:46A chance to write a book,
15:47not to be out smooching up in public
15:49with your ear all out.
15:52My ears are always out.
15:56And I'm trying to tell you,
15:57she is not who you think she is.
15:59Oh, no, honey.
15:59She is not who you think she is.
16:01I have been watching that woman for years,
16:03and she is ruthless.
16:05Mm-hmm.
16:05She doesn't care who gets hurt.
16:07You saw the last episode
16:09when she got Sienna drunk
16:10at the ski chalet
16:11and then pushed her off the chairlift?
16:14She went down that mountain
16:15faster than the people on skis.
16:19Okay, okay, okay, okay.
16:23Look, Mom, real talk, okay?
16:26We should...
16:30Gemma,
16:31I think we could use a little privacy.
16:33I'll lock the door.
16:35Okay.
16:40With me on the other side of it.
16:43Yeah.
16:45Call me.
16:47I locked it.
16:52Now, Mama,
16:53I know what you're gonna say.
16:55What?
16:55That Mercedes Selznick
16:56once made a whole cruise ship
16:58turn around
16:58because she forgot her Birkin bag?
17:01I did not know
17:02you were gonna say that.
17:05That woman is a narcissistic nightmare,
17:07which I love on TV,
17:09but not for my son.
17:10See, but that's just it, Mama.
17:12You were talking about her TV character.
17:14That's not the Sadie I know.
17:16Sadie?
17:17Who's Sadie?
17:18Oh, that's what I'm trying to tell you.
17:20Okay, she's...
17:21she's two different people.
17:22Right, right.
17:23And both of them are wrong for you.
17:26You know, Mama,
17:28Grandma told me a story once
17:29about a woman Pop was seeing.
17:31Said she was all wrong for him.
17:33She was gonna ruin his life.
17:35Yeah, yeah, I get it, Malcolm.
17:36That woman was me.
17:37No, that was some woman named Carla.
17:40Oh.
17:41Oh, yeah, she was crazy.
17:43Okay, but Pop had to find out
17:46who she was for himself, huh?
17:47If he had never done that,
17:49he'd be wondering what if his whole life.
17:52All right, Malcolm, I hear you.
17:54You're a grown man.
17:55I just gotta let you do stupid things.
17:59And as a veteran of many,
18:02many stupid relationships,
18:05I'm telling you, this...
18:07this thing I have with Sadie,
18:09it's not stupid, Mama.
18:14What is going on out there?
18:17It's like 15 photographers
18:18in front of our house.
18:20Tina,
18:21did you tell the news I got scammed?
18:25Yeah, Calvin, 60 Minutes is on the way.
18:29No, no, no, Pop.
18:31It's...
18:31because I'm in a relationship
18:33with Mercedes Selznick.
18:35Damn.
18:36Well, all right!
18:37Oh, no, not helping.
18:41Babe, I'm just saying.
18:42She's a rich woman.
18:44Our boy is like the new Steadman.
18:48Ooh, can I get a chicken sandwich?
18:50Buy your own.
18:50You rich now.
18:55That was my sandwich.
19:05It was crazy out there.
19:07They were swarming me like zombies,
19:09and not the slow, walking dead kind,
19:11the fast-moving, World War Z kind.
19:14Save it for your YouTube, Marty.
19:17Well, good luck.
19:18Whoa, whoa, whoa, you going out there?
19:20We're not the ones dating celebrities.
19:26Oh, come on.
19:27Yeah, for all you know,
19:28I could be Tom Cruise.
19:35I don't know how I'm ever going to get out of here.
19:37Oh, well, I guess you have to move back home with us, baby.
19:40No!
19:43Don't worry, Malcolm.
19:44I can get you out of here.
19:45Thanks to your brother, I have an app for that.
19:49Oh.
19:49Hey, come on, man.
19:50Okay, check you out.
19:55Well, hello, ladies and gentlemen.
19:57Great evening, huh?
19:59You guys look like you might be a little thirsty.
20:01Yeah.
20:02Boom!
20:04That, that, that, that's, that's your flashlight.
20:06Okay, yeah.
20:07Hold on just a second.
20:08Wait.
20:08Um, and boom!
20:10Yeah!
20:11Oh, yeah!
20:13Oh, I see he might need a little zone two for power.
20:17Boom!
20:17Deuce it out!
20:19Let's go!
20:20Oh, my God!
20:21Oh, Dad, there's the guy behind the tree.
20:23Oh, I'm going to have to zone five, him with the turbo boost.
20:26Boom!
20:27Let's go!
20:29Get out of here!
20:30Yeah!
20:32Hey, Malcolm, come on out, man.
20:34The coast is clear.
20:35Hey, thank you, Pop.
20:38Ah!
20:38Paparazzi at 2 o'clock!
20:39Go, go, go, go!
20:40I got you, I got you!
20:41Boom, boom, go!
20:42Boom, boom, boom!
20:43Get low, Malcolm!
20:44Get low!
20:45Yeah!
21:00Go, go, go!
21:05Going in there!
21:05Oh, be shape!
21:09Go, go, go, go!
21:10Go, go, go!
21:10Do it!
21:11The 말씀 on the will.
21:11Wait.
21:11Oh!
21:11my way soè.
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