00:00A stage name up on the marquees, that rolls off the tongue with melodious E's.
00:07A stage name to bring you acclaim, to double your luck and to triple your fame.
00:13A stage name that says who you are, that tells the whole world, baby, I am a star.
00:20A stage name that's clever and clear, and gracefully ages throughout your career.
00:26But here's the thing, I feel like the people in this room could be doing so much more with their
00:30stage names.
00:32For instance, Emily Stone chose Emma Stone, and don't worry Emma, you're not alone.
00:39Most people here just shorten their names, like to Brit, or to Ted, or to Billy Bob instead.
00:46Or how Benicio Del Toro was born, Benicio Monserrate, Rafael Del Toro Sanchez.
00:51Love those trims, but a stage name should be something fun.
00:55A name to ensure you're the only one.
00:59A stage name, it's easy to switch.
01:02And if you need ideas, I'm happy to pitch.
01:05Jacob Elordi, Jaccordi, oh lordy.
01:09Hey Ted Danson, try Teddy Dan Daughter.
01:12Tiana Taylor, Tite Mononym.
01:16Noah Wiley, indoctrinate me.
01:19Jesse Plemons, Jesse Plimes.
01:22Chase Infinity, no notes.
01:26I'm telling you this as a cautionary tale, from one fisherman to another.
01:31The universe handed me an opportunity, and I blew it.
01:34In 2005, my headshots, they were misprinted.
01:37I threw them away and I asked for a refund.
01:39But it was a grave mistake.
01:41In a sea of Christens, Kirstens, and Kirstens.
01:44I could have been the one and only Kristen.
01:48Kristen, no.
01:50So choose carefully what name goes on your sag after card.
01:53It's the name that millions of people might step on on Hollywood Boulevard.
02:00A stage name, each syllable counts.
02:05A name we'll remember, and won't mispronounce.
02:10It's yours we might announce.
02:14So, tonight just take it in, cause in this room you're adored.
02:17And perhaps for just a moment let your faith be restored.
02:20We do not time your speeches, so go overboard.
02:23At the Star Awards.
02:26Oh, fuck me.
02:28At the Actor Awards.
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