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00:00:02Last evening at the very normal time of 2 in the morning, President Trump informed
00:00:07the nation that we were at war with Iran. And now with some further thoughts, President
00:00:11Trump.
00:00:14Hello. Hi. Good evening and happy World War III to all who celebrate. It's me, Donald
00:00:21Trump, FIFA Peace Prize winner and Nobel Peace Prize taker. Yoink! Remember when I did that?
00:00:28I launched this attack after me and my board of peace decided that we were board of peace.
00:00:34A little word play there. Did you catch it? As we all know, Iran has been two weeks away
00:00:41from developing a nuclear weapon for like the last 15 years or something. So we had to
00:00:47act now and we're doing war. War! What is it good for? Distracting from the Epstein
00:00:55Files. And I know on the campaign trail, I promised no new foreign wars. But listen,
00:01:03wars, plural, right? I'm allowed to do one. I'm allowed to do one foreign war and possibly
00:01:09one civil. To all my mega voters who are upset and saying this is not what I voted for. Well,
00:01:16you did. Don't you know who I am? I'm me. Even I don't know what I'm going to do next.
00:01:23Hello
00:01:23from the year 5000. Like, what the hell was that, right? Nobody knows. I'm unpredictable.
00:01:29I'm like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get. Forrest Gump. Gump.
00:01:36America's favorite time traveling R word. He told that story to that nurse on the bench after the
00:01:42feather fell down. Gump. I don't get it. People beg and beg for Trump. And then when you get him,
00:01:49you don't like him. What's going on? All right. I'm like new Star Wars movies. They see the trailer
00:01:54for Mandalorian and Groku and they say, never mind. I don't want that. People are asking why attack
00:02:01Iran now. Well, we had to strike in the early hours of Saturday, which has two advantages
00:02:06militarily. One, it's after the stock market closes for the weekend. And two, it's to cause
00:02:13immeasurable fear, rage and chaos in the SNL writer's room. Those guys were going crazy.
00:02:20They probably had a big State of the Union address thing they were going to do. Not anymore.
00:02:25Jeremy was in it. Poor Jeremy. He's got a light show.
00:02:29Put the whole thing in the trash and start fresh. We love that for them.
00:02:34Anyway, with more on this, here's a man I'm going to blame it on when it doesn't work.
00:02:38Secretary of War Pete Hanks says.
00:02:50Yeah, all right. All right. Cut the track. Cut the track.
00:02:56And relaxes as a four-loco non-elk.
00:03:02What's up, dillweeds?
00:03:04As you've probably heard, Operation Epic Fury is underway.
00:03:08And as you can tell from the veins in my neck, I'm pumped.
00:03:12Why do we call it Epic Fury? Simple.
00:03:14Eight letters. Lines up perfectly for some bitchin' knuckle tats.
00:03:20Yeah!
00:03:22Did them in the wrong order, but you get it.
00:03:25And those are my least problematic tattoos.
00:03:29Shut up!
00:03:31They asked for someone to volunteer to oversee this half-baked operation,
00:03:35and I didn't walk, I ran.
00:03:41When President Trump called me at two in the morning,
00:03:44you know I was awake, sober AF,
00:03:47and already training for the mission,
00:03:49playing Prince of Persia, Sands of Time on my GameCube.
00:03:53We love the GameCube. It's underrated.
00:03:55Yeah!
00:03:56Misunderstood systems of GameCube.
00:03:58And a small library. It was hard to code for.
00:04:00It was hard to code for.
00:04:03Smart man.
00:04:05But don't let my confident demeanor fool you.
00:04:08I am scared, and I don't know what I'm doing.
00:04:11When he said we were gonna blow up the leader of Iran,
00:04:14I thought he was kidding.
00:04:16And now, all day long, I've been hearing people say,
00:04:18why do we do this?
00:04:19What's the reason for this war?
00:04:21Oh, yeah, I actually have the reason right here.
00:04:24It's under my chin. Let me get it for you.
00:04:28Good fellas.
00:04:31All of you should be thanking us.
00:04:34We took out a horrendous, horrible leader
00:04:36who was oppressing his own people.
00:04:39But don't get any ideas.
00:04:41And live from New York,
00:04:42it's Saturday Night Live!
00:04:49It's Saturday Night Live!
00:04:53With...
00:04:54Michael Che!
00:05:01Mikey Day!
00:05:09Andrew Dismukes!
00:05:18Quoey Feynman!
00:05:29Marcello Fernandez!
00:05:35James Austin Johnson!
00:05:45Colin Jost!
00:05:51Sarah Sherman!
00:05:57Kenan Thompson!
00:06:03Featuring Tommy Brennan!
00:06:09Jeremy Colhane!
00:06:14Ben Marshall!
00:06:22Ashley Padilla!
00:06:26Cam Patterson!
00:06:28Cam Patterson!
00:06:30Veronica Slowikowska!
00:06:34Jane Wickline!
00:06:43Musical guest Mumford & Sons!
00:06:49And your host, Connor Story!
00:06:56Ladies and gentlemen, Connor Story!
00:07:19Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you very much.
00:07:22I am so excited to be here.
00:07:25Yes.
00:07:27Okay, okay, now some of you may have seen literally all of me on my show, Heated Rivalry.
00:07:33It's a show that has taught a lot of people about hockey, and it's taught a lot of straight
00:07:37women that their sexuality is actually gay guy.
00:07:41If you haven't seen it, it's a little spicy, but it's actually a lot more than that.
00:07:47SNL said I could show a clip, so I found one that was good for the whole family.
00:07:57That is literally all we could show from the show, but the show has totally changed my
00:08:03life, okay?
00:08:04Right before I got cast, I was a waiter, and yeah, and I've only, so I've only technically
00:08:11been a professional actor for like six months now, but on the other hand, I've been preparing
00:08:16for this my entire life since I was a 12-year-old obsessive actor.
00:08:21So it's like, it's like on one hand, I'm totally surprised and humbled that this is happening
00:08:26to me, and on the other hand, this was my destiny.
00:08:33When I was little, I said to my mother, why do I have to have the last name Story?
00:08:37The whole world is gonna know me as just Connor, like I'm Madonna, or Cher, or Paddington,
00:08:47mother, I'm not a story, I'm a whole damn book.
00:08:53I am kidding, seriously, I promise I'm nothing like that.
00:08:59I am much worse.
00:09:02I'm joking.
00:09:03I definitely did not have a glamorous childhood though, um, I grew up in Texas, and my mom,
00:09:09yeah.
00:09:09Woo!
00:09:10Texas!
00:09:10Yes!
00:09:11Um, I grew up in Texas, and my mom would drive me hours to auditions, uh, she even drove
00:09:16me to this weird mall where they did this like national kids talent contest.
00:09:22Which I won hands down, in every category, by doing a catwalk to its reigning men with
00:09:29other children.
00:09:33But seriously, I really did not know if this would ever happen to me, and, you know, when
00:09:40I got the call that I was gonna be on SNL, I honestly cried.
00:09:43And, uh, yeah, you know, I am just, I really, I am just so, so thankful for everything that
00:09:51this job gives me the chance to do, you know, like, in two weeks I had to learn how to
00:09:55play
00:09:55Russian and look like I knew how to play hockey.
00:09:58And then I'm watching the Olympics and I see these amazing players and I'm like, I don't
00:10:03think I pulled it off.
00:10:08Whoah!
00:10:08Whoah!
00:10:10Whoah!
00:10:14Whoah!
00:10:15Whoah!
00:10:17No way, man, I hear you're great.
00:10:19Whoah!
00:10:19Quinn and Jack, you guys literally just won the Olympics, congrats!
00:10:24Whoah!
00:10:25Whoah!
00:10:27Thanks, well, we've been so busy playing.
00:10:29We haven't had time to see your show yet.
00:10:31It's about hockey, right?
00:10:34kind of i got my teeth knocked out in the finals does that happen in your show metaphorically
00:10:52cool what team do you play on uh the boston raiders boston raiders what league is that the nhl
00:10:58the hbo but you guys should check it out oh i hope some hockey players watched it
00:11:34don't worry we saw your show oh wow hillary megan it's so cool that we're all here
00:11:40it was gonna be just us but we thought we'd invite the guys too
00:11:50yeah we thought we'd give them a little moment to shine
00:11:54well that is very important you know my show speaks to people who are not always represented
00:11:59in hockey so this is really great to have actual hockey legends here tonight i mean yeah i mean
00:12:05both of your teams just won the gold thanks the last time the men did that was 46 years ago
00:12:10and the last time we did that was two whole olympics ago
00:12:18nice burn but these gold medals aren't just for us they're for all hockey fans yours too oh so can
00:12:25i try one on no we have a great show for you tonight mumford and sunday's here stick around we'll
00:12:32be right
00:12:48go ricky go ricky go ricky go ricky go ricky you guys stop we have a math test today
00:13:00who even cares about math when you can do this
00:13:05okay everybody silence and stop it right now okay mr jacob sit down yesterday
00:13:12i'm sorry mr franzi i was just playing not today guys i am in a bad mood okay
00:13:21dang mr franzi is everything okay no mr jacob everything is not okay
00:13:27this morning my wife spilled my coffee all over my body and the coffee was everywhere
00:13:35and my body was on fire so i called my cousin paquito and he came over and he covered my
00:13:44body from my
00:13:44feet until my head in aloe vera okay guys wow sorry that happened to you mr franzi
00:13:54it's okay guys it's okay guys i just letting you know that today is not the day to play with
00:14:03mr franzi
00:14:05now please take a quiz and passing it to your neighbors
00:14:12this is this is a big quiz guys it count for 65 percent of your grade okay
00:14:22that's a lot of percent of your grade guys so i need a silence in here no jokes
00:14:29no comments from the penis gallery
00:14:36okay i'm sorry what is so funny mr jacob seriously dude you just said penis
00:14:43no no no penis like the snack as in my wife is deadly allergic to penis
00:14:56for me i love penis but my biggest struggle in my life is keeping my penis away from my wife
00:15:07yo franzi stop saying penis that's it 10 point of the quiz for everybody
00:15:13no focus on the quiz guys
00:15:25very good guys this is what i like to be seeing guys very quiet very nice i like it
00:15:35uh yo yo mr franzi what could you possibly have to say to me mr yego no it's just that
00:15:44this test
00:15:44doesn't make sense the first question is what is a square and who is his wife
00:15:53come on guys you know this you know the square wife his wife is the rhombus
00:16:02and now i am begging you guys silence and now i will briefly go to the bathroom and privately reapply
00:16:15the aloe vera everywhere in my body okay i trust you guys to be my little angels from jesus okay
00:16:28this is a big quiz guys i'm proud of you guys bro go do it do it okay you guys
00:16:43i am mr ronzi
00:16:47my wife is deadly allergic to my penis go off ricky and the crazy thing is i have no idea
00:17:00that nobody even like me
00:17:08really really guys
00:17:12this is what you think of me mr yego i'm sorry mr franzi i was just joking around wow
00:17:20this is one of the darkest days of my entire life i did not think that my heart could be
00:17:28broken like
00:17:28this oh no mr franzi please don't cry
00:17:40yo why does he low-key sound like the iphone ringtone
00:17:47you guys don't understand i came to this country in 1997
00:17:55all for the dream of one day teaching you guys about the rhombus and his her fiance at the time
00:18:04the square
00:18:06and now you destroy my body and my heart i can't believe it i'm gonna cry again
00:18:12yo i don't even know what subject this class is
00:18:16you guys i think we all owe mr franzi an apology thank you angie you have a heart of gold
00:18:24yo we're sorry mr franzi we only make fun of you because you're like one of us
00:18:31but i guess what i'm trying to say is
00:18:36we love you mr franzi mr jaco you mean it okay guys we love you mr franzi we love you
00:18:48mr franzi
00:18:49we love you mr franzi we love you mr franzi
00:18:53hi angie your words are like aloe vera for my heart the quizzes cancel everybody get an a
00:19:01everybody franzi franzi franzi franzi franzi franzi
00:19:20i love you
00:19:22boots to lunge them oh the absolute shame lord kedley lady delacorte a pleasure
00:19:31i quite look forward to our croquet match this afternoon at my father's estate
00:19:34then you obviously haven't seen kedley playing
00:19:40well i will leave you gentlemen to your discourse good day good day
00:19:46i resent that insulting remark lord feddington and i ask sir how dare you oh he asks him how he
00:19:56did such an affront according to the gentleman's code permits me to remove my glove and slap your face
00:20:08how dare you i ask twice sir how dare you i rebuke you sir and give it to you twice
00:20:17how dare you i deny your rebut thrice fold how dare you how dare you ha dodge
00:20:27how dare you how to the absolute dare you gentlemen you are beginning to act like
00:20:38commoners oh how dare you how dare you i am ungloved and therefore unable to retort
00:20:46kedley slap him as my proxy of course how dare you very good gentlemen stop we can't make this
00:20:53silliness ruin the afternoon why don't you both just apologize apologize apologize i have done
00:21:00nothing wrong sir how dare you don't do it i slapped you because oh
00:21:12how dare you how dare you you struck me with a closed fist and therefore i'm allowed to do the
00:21:26same
00:21:27how dare you enough you sir have disobeyed the gentleman's code so i am permitted to strike
00:21:36you with my k don't do it oh i'm so sorry please
00:21:43gentlemen stop this rabble at once there are children present are you okay sweetie
00:21:48oh my god it's like a woman boy how dare you
00:21:53nice work this must cease look at this woman's dog the commotion has frightened the poor girl see defeat
00:22:01feddington and end our quarrel now are you mad lord pubert feddington would never bend his knee to
00:22:08a piece of a piece of frightened little
00:22:14bitch how dare you no give up how dare yep it seems i've be shattered myself well i see defeat
00:22:24well done
00:22:24glad that's settled now if you'll excuse me i'm off to retrieve my son who i kicked across the park
00:22:30how dare you how dare you i'm kidding good day good day
00:22:42wow first you take me to dinner at la vive and then you take me to the same ice
00:22:47drink where we first met i mean this is the perfect first year anniversary and i haven't even proposed
00:22:52yet wait what candace lorraine dugan will you marry me oh my god
00:23:03casper um i'm sorry i can't what i'm having so much fun danny i'm so glad brice
00:23:15i can't say yes right now brice danny wait up fast pokes um why can't you say yes i don't
00:23:24know it
00:23:25just doesn't feel right yet you guys you guys look i'm a plane i mean do you think that we're
00:23:32ready
00:23:33hey i know you get back here please say something casper those three men are having the best time
00:23:45what those guys i've never seen grown men having such like genuine pure fun like how old are they
00:23:50um this train lost its caboose danny why'd you let go because i was laughing too much god i love
00:23:58being
00:23:58in my 40s they're in their 40s okay i'm so glad that's what you're focused on right now sorry if
00:24:06i'm
00:24:06a little scattered candace you just told me you didn't love me stop it you know that i love you
00:24:16and i know i'm gonna be with you forever oh i feel so free i feel like alissa lee you
00:24:22right now
00:24:25i just don't know if i'm ready to start forever right now
00:24:28what is that your girlfriend sorry what did you say see see this is what i'm talking about i'm
00:24:38always fighting for your attention i'm sorry i can't get a read on these guys best bachelor party
00:24:44ever this is a bachelor party i cannot believe you right now candace come on don't cry oh my gosh
00:24:54you
00:24:54guys look who finally showed up
00:25:16i'm so glad you're here
00:25:23I know.
00:25:24That's pretty great, hey?
00:25:26Sorry I'm late, fellas.
00:25:29But I have a serious question.
00:25:31Yeah.
00:25:34Who's ready to skate their butts off?
00:25:36Yeah!
00:25:36Hudson!
00:25:38Hudson's hilarious.
00:25:39And a lot of my issues are my own.
00:25:42Like, sometimes I think that I don't deserve you.
00:25:44And you've just got so much on your plate.
00:25:46It's like, who am I, you know?
00:25:49Ooh-it, ooh-it!
00:25:50Come on, ride the train!
00:25:52And ride a choo-choo!
00:25:54I've never felt so cool!
00:25:59How's that even possible?
00:26:01I don't know, it's just how I feel.
00:26:03No, I, sorry, I meant like,
00:26:05how is ice skating in a four-person train
00:26:06the coolest that that guy has ever felt?
00:26:09Stop using those guys as a distraction
00:26:11and talk to me, Casper!
00:26:13Ice skate like an Egyptian!
00:26:17Okay, that's going viral.
00:26:20You guys are going to be famous!
00:26:24Tell me what you're thinking right now
00:26:27and please be honest.
00:26:28I mean, honestly, I'm thinking
00:26:31there's no way the Egyptian thing goes viral, right?
00:26:35Oh, okay, okay.
00:26:36Goodbye, Casper.
00:26:37Candace, wait.
00:26:38Okay, you're right.
00:26:39I'm sorry, I have felt distracted,
00:26:42but we can work through it.
00:26:44Backwards, back, all right!
00:26:46Oh my God, we're backwards again!
00:26:49You guys, slow down.
00:26:50If I fall, Kendrick Lamar is literally
00:26:52going to need to find himself a new producer.
00:26:55I don't understand.
00:26:58Right?
00:26:59Like, how is that guy in any way
00:27:01associated with Kendrick Lamar?
00:27:04I'm not talking about those guys!
00:27:07You know what?
00:27:09Maybe this is a sign.
00:27:11Maybe what we both actually need
00:27:13is some time apart.
00:27:15Okay, sounds good.
00:27:16I'm going to hang with these guys.
00:27:18I have to figure out their secret.
00:27:21Our secret?
00:27:22One word.
00:27:24Tag!
00:27:24Tag!
00:27:25Oh!
00:27:27Oh, oh, oh!
00:27:29Oh, my God!
00:27:31Oh, my God!
00:27:32Woo!
00:27:33Oh!
00:27:34That's so...
00:27:43Okay, so...
00:27:44If I'm at a party
00:27:46and there are five chicks I like
00:27:47and four of them leave,
00:27:50then I have one chick remaining.
00:27:53Jess, dude!
00:27:54You just nailed subtraction!
00:27:56Well, I got it
00:27:57because you put it in terms
00:27:58I understand.
00:28:00Hot-ass chicas.
00:28:03Hey,
00:28:05Durkis, can I say something?
00:28:09Look, I know we got off
00:28:11on the wrong foot
00:28:11with all those pranks
00:28:13I pulled on you.
00:28:14Like when I put peanut butter
00:28:15on your crack
00:28:16and unleashed a pack of dogs.
00:28:19Or when I pantsed you
00:28:20at the dance
00:28:21and started playing
00:28:22your ass cheeks like bongos.
00:28:24That was funny.
00:28:26Yeah, yeah.
00:28:26Point is,
00:28:28I was wrong about you.
00:28:30You're not such a dweeb
00:28:31after all, Durkis.
00:28:33You know what?
00:28:35Come sit next to me
00:28:36at lunch tomorrow.
00:28:38Are you...
00:28:38Are you serious?
00:28:39With the...
00:28:40K-K-K...
00:28:41Cool kids?
00:28:41Yeah.
00:28:43I'd be honored.
00:28:44Of course.
00:28:46Oh.
00:28:48And bring you
00:28:49a good sandwich.
00:28:51Bud.
00:28:55Bud.
00:28:56Wow.
00:28:57Um, wait.
00:28:58PJ, before you go,
00:28:59there's something
00:29:00I wanted to show you.
00:29:02Yeah, what's up, dude?
00:29:16Thank you for coming
00:29:18to my house.
00:29:20Thank you for coming
00:29:21to my house.
00:29:27Thank you for coming
00:29:29to my house.
00:29:30You got a fat ass
00:29:31like Mickey Mouse.
00:29:33You're gonna like
00:29:34being friends with me.
00:29:36Maybe we can even
00:29:37start a family.
00:29:38Maybe we can even
00:29:39start a family.
00:29:41Maybe we can even
00:29:42start a family.
00:29:43Thank you, thank you,
00:29:44thank you, thank you,
00:29:45thank you, thank you,
00:29:46thank you.
00:29:46I love you, PJ.
00:29:54Oh.
00:29:56Thanks.
00:29:58Thank you
00:29:59for coming
00:30:00to my house.
00:30:02So see you
00:30:02at lunch tomorrow.
00:30:03Bring my good sandwich.
00:30:08No.
00:30:09No, I, uh,
00:30:10I forgot I have lunch
00:30:11at another school tomorrow.
00:30:15Maybe next year.
00:30:17Was it the song?
00:30:20Kinda.
00:30:22Yeah, the whole thing
00:30:23made me feel like
00:30:24my head was being
00:30:24held underwater.
00:30:28Hey, sunshine,
00:30:29how you doing?
00:30:30Oh, BJ.
00:30:32Oh.
00:30:32Coolest kid in school.
00:30:36Oh, it's so great
00:30:37to see you here.
00:30:38I'm actually glad
00:30:39you're still here
00:30:39because, uh, well,
00:30:40my wife and I
00:30:41just wanted to thank you
00:30:42for spending some time
00:30:43with our boy.
00:30:44Yeah, yeah,
00:30:44ever since, uh,
00:30:45the diagnosis last summer,
00:30:47things have just been,
00:30:47I'm so sorry,
00:30:48things have just been
00:30:49hard for him, so.
00:30:51Whoa.
00:30:52Diagnosis?
00:30:53I didn't know
00:30:54Durkis was sick.
00:30:55Yeah, yeah,
00:30:56he has long cold.
00:30:58Like, just a very
00:30:59long cold, so.
00:31:02Anyway, PJ,
00:31:03it's been a struggle
00:31:04for Durkis,
00:31:04and this means
00:31:05a lot to us.
00:31:06Yes.
00:31:06Oh.
00:31:07Oh, jeez.
00:31:08Now I feel bad.
00:31:10Durkis, listen.
00:31:14I shouldn't have
00:31:14judged your song.
00:31:16You were just trying
00:31:17to express yourself
00:31:18and pursue greatness.
00:31:19And as Timothee Chalamet
00:31:21recently taught us,
00:31:23that's cool now.
00:31:25For the first time ever.
00:31:28And as that ice skating
00:31:29girl with the striped
00:31:30hair taught us,
00:31:31you can still be a baddie
00:31:33even if you're
00:31:34a little quirked up.
00:31:40What I'm trying to say
00:31:42is, come sit with
00:31:44me at lunch tomorrow.
00:31:47Bud?
00:31:49You mean it?
00:31:51Yeah.
00:31:52And hey,
00:31:53bring you a good sandwich.
00:31:56That's great.
00:31:57PJ, can we just say
00:31:58before you go,
00:32:05thank you for eating
00:32:07lunch with our son?
00:32:08Thank you for eating
00:32:09lunch with our son.
00:32:11He's a weird kid
00:32:12and you're a hunk.
00:32:13Thank you for eating
00:32:14lunch with our son.
00:32:16Thank you, thank you,
00:32:17thank you, thank you,
00:32:17thank you, thank you,
00:32:18thank you, thank you.
00:32:19We're in love with you, PJ.
00:32:25Guys, I'm not gonna lie,
00:32:27y'all are one of the
00:32:27weirdest families
00:32:28I've ever met in my life.
00:32:30And it freaks me out
00:32:31that you all have red hair.
00:32:33It's like you're trying
00:32:34to preserve a community
00:32:35or something.
00:32:36He's on to us.
00:32:43You know,
00:32:43but then I realized
00:32:45something.
00:32:47Sometimes being weird
00:32:48is the coolest
00:32:49thing there is.
00:32:51Look, you don't need
00:32:52to come sit with me,
00:32:53Derkus,
00:32:54because I'm gonna
00:32:55come sit with you.
00:32:58And hey,
00:32:59bring you a good sandwich.
00:33:05Thank you for letting
00:33:06me come to your house.
00:33:08I can kiss you
00:33:09all right on the mouth.
00:33:11Thank you, thank you,
00:33:12thank you, thank you,
00:33:12thank you, thank you,
00:33:13thank you, thank you,
00:33:14thank you, thank you.
00:33:25Thank you, thank you, thank you.
00:33:35Ladies and gentlemen,
00:33:36Mumford & Sons.
00:33:48When you can't win
00:33:50for losing
00:33:53and the beggars
00:33:54start choosing
00:33:56the chaos in your head
00:33:58calls or cracks
00:34:00to start showing
00:34:02all-knowing,
00:34:04all-knowing,
00:34:05with the light
00:34:06of the earth
00:34:07dying
00:34:09to raise
00:34:11the dead
00:34:16You're a world away
00:34:18but you're still
00:34:20the same
00:34:21I know you
00:34:22by your heart
00:34:23and I will call you
00:34:24by your name
00:34:26And it's a long way
00:34:28from the crack
00:34:29to the break
00:34:31You know that
00:34:33I remember everything
00:34:44Steady yourself
00:34:46Hear tumbleweed words
00:34:49Be a street corner preacher
00:34:51Or just feed the birds
00:34:53But don't hold to yourself
00:34:55Put heart, mortar, and stone
00:34:58Be a rubber band man
00:35:00Make the water your bones
00:35:04Dying just to live
00:35:10Now
00:35:12You're a world away
00:35:14But you're still the same
00:35:16I know you by your heart
00:35:18And I will call you
00:35:20by your name
00:35:21And it's a long way
00:35:23From the crack
00:35:24to the break
00:35:26You know that
00:35:28I remember everything
00:35:30When I said forever
00:35:32You said get back
00:35:34in the car
00:35:35Nothing lies
00:35:36Forever, babe
00:35:37You know it breaks
00:35:39my heart
00:35:40And I'll call you
00:35:44anything
00:35:46To do anything
00:35:47That you like
00:35:54I'm free
00:35:56And I may more
00:35:59To call you the second
00:36:21But I'm free
00:36:23I'm free
00:36:24And it's a long way
00:36:26From the crack to the break
00:36:30You know that I remember everything
00:36:33When I said forever
00:36:36You said get back in the car
00:36:38Nothing lasts forever, babe
00:36:41You know it breaks my heart
00:36:43You're a world of waiting
00:36:45But you're still the same
00:36:49You know that I remember everything
00:36:52And you wink on your skin
00:36:59And red lips in the dark
00:37:01Nothing lasts forever, babe
00:37:04You know it breaks my heart
00:37:06Put a shiver on your skin
00:37:08Do your hair in the car
00:37:10If nothing lasts forever, babe
00:37:13Then can we make a start?
00:37:38It's Weekend Update
00:37:40With Colin Jost and Michael Che
00:37:49Good evening, everyone
00:37:51Welcome to Weekend Update
00:37:53I'm Michael Che
00:37:53I'm Colin Jost
00:37:57Well, guys, I'm starting to worry
00:37:59That President Trump
00:38:00Might not win that peace prize
00:38:03After launching a massive military strike
00:38:05Against Iran
00:38:06Trump announced hours ago
00:38:07That they officially killed
00:38:09The Supreme Leader Ayatollah Khamenei
00:38:11And replaced him with
00:38:13Oh, my God
00:38:13The guy from Venezuela?
00:38:18This attack might be a bad idea
00:38:20I don't know
00:38:21I'm not really an expert on Iran
00:38:23So let's hear from someone
00:38:24Who can explain why we might have done it
00:38:26Our president will start a war with Iran
00:38:30Because he has absolutely no ability to negotiate
00:38:34He's weak and he's ineffective
00:38:47Detractors on CNN are saying that Trump had no authorization for this war
00:38:51But he actually did
00:38:53Netanyahu said it was okay
00:38:55I can't believe our leader could just attack Iran
00:38:58With no vote, no permission from Congress or anything
00:39:00I mean, what is this? Iran?
00:39:06President Trump's State of the Union address this week
00:39:09Was the longest in history
00:39:10Lasting almost two full diapers
00:39:18During the State of the Union address
00:39:20President Trump said
00:39:21Our nation is back
00:39:22Bigger, better, and stronger than ever before
00:39:25Same, said the measles
00:39:29The U.S. women's hockey team
00:39:31Turned down President Trump's invitation
00:39:33To attend the State of the Union
00:39:36Yes
00:39:38You clap, but that only made Trump want them more
00:39:45President Trump angrily claimed that Minnesota
00:39:47Has been ransacked by Somali pirates
00:39:50But that's only because Trump's kind of an R-word
00:39:59Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor
00:40:00The former prince and current River Corpse
00:40:06Has been arrested
00:40:08And now may be banned from ever taking the throne
00:40:11In fact, the royal family said
00:40:13The only way he can become king
00:40:14Is if it comes down to either him or Meghan
00:40:22Hillary Clinton testified this week
00:40:24And said she's confident
00:40:25That Bill Clinton had no knowledge
00:40:27Of Jeffrey Epstein's crimes
00:40:29Though there is an outside chance
00:40:31That Hillary sometimes doesn't know
00:40:33What her husband is up to
00:40:36It was reported that Jeffrey Epstein
00:40:38Hid photographs in secret storage lockers
00:40:41Across the country
00:40:42But I guess he had to take a lot of pictures
00:40:44Because kids grow up so fast
00:40:50What is this, Iran?
00:40:56Researchers have developed a new nasal spray vaccine
00:40:59That can protect people against the flu, COVID
00:41:02And other respiratory diseases
00:41:03But to get it approved by RFK
00:41:06They're calling it shark testicle creatine
00:41:11During a Black History Month event
00:41:13At the White House
00:41:14President Trump defended himself
00:41:15From criticism that he is racist
00:41:17By listing his black friends
00:41:19Including Nicki Minaj, Jim Brown, and Mike Tyson
00:41:23Wow, that's two more than you, Colin
00:41:32Cool
00:41:33Well, we have a lot of news to cover this week
00:41:36So here to provide a recap of some headlines
00:41:38Is Beth's maid of honor, Katie
00:41:44Hello
00:41:45Hi
00:41:46For those of you who don't know me
00:41:48My name is Katie
00:41:50And for those of you who do know me
00:41:51I'm sorry
00:41:54But seriously
00:41:56I'm not here to talk about Beth
00:41:57Her scrabble addiction
00:41:59Her dog, Skittles
00:42:00Or her best friend-turned-husband, Cody
00:42:04Congrats, you two
00:42:05No, I'm here to talk about
00:42:07The wave of narco-terrorism
00:42:10Caused by the Mexican cartel
00:42:12Oh, okay, yeah
00:42:13Driving right into the news, yes
00:42:15But seriously
00:42:17El Mancho, Mexico's most wanted man
00:42:19And leader of the drug cartel
00:42:21Was killed on Sunday
00:42:23Or as Beth and I like to call it
00:42:25Bottomless mimosa day
00:42:26Cody, cover your ears
00:42:28No, but seriously
00:42:31After El Mancho's death
00:42:32The Jalisco New Generation cartel
00:42:34Unleashed a wave of violence across Mexico
00:42:38Attacking citizens
00:42:39Setting vehicles ablaze
00:42:41And turning the city into a ghost town
00:42:43A ghost town
00:42:44More like Cody sighted the church during the ceremony
00:42:48Sorry, Cody, you got a small family
00:42:51No, but seriously
00:42:53I mean, this all seems very serious
00:42:56I'm sorry, Katie
00:42:56But I don't think this is the most appropriate way
00:42:58To talk about some of this news
00:42:59Hell yeah
00:43:00No
00:43:01Let's lay in the mood
00:43:03With a little walk down memory lane
00:43:05That's right
00:43:06I'm talking about the Epstein files
00:43:08No, no, no
00:43:09Yes
00:43:10The new emails publish the names
00:43:12Of over 20,000 individuals
00:43:14Kind of sounds like the invite list for tonight
00:43:17Sorry, best dad
00:43:19No, but seriously
00:43:21I found a quote on Google
00:43:23That I really love
00:43:25When you're in jail
00:43:26A good friend will try to bail you out
00:43:28But a best friend
00:43:29Will be in the cell next to you
00:43:31Saying, damn
00:43:32That was fun
00:43:33And I think that pretty much describes
00:43:36Me and Beth
00:43:37But also Jeffrey Epstein
00:43:39And Prince Andrew
00:43:40Okay
00:43:40Well, we could maybe move past Epstein
00:43:43Do you have any lighter stories?
00:43:45Maybe at the Olympics?
00:43:46Do you want to talk about that?
00:43:47Hell yeah
00:43:47Yes
00:43:48Every four years
00:43:50Nations gather for the Olympics
00:43:52Which reminds me
00:43:53The war in Ukraine
00:43:55Rages on it
00:43:56On
00:43:57Its four year mark
00:43:58Four years
00:44:00Ah
00:44:02That's how long it took
00:44:03Cody
00:44:03To define the relationship
00:44:05Okay, that's pretty good
00:44:06Seriously
00:44:07Best maid of honor, everyone
00:44:10That's right
00:44:11Treat her right, Cody
00:44:17A former Olympic athlete
00:44:19Who promoted the run, walk, run
00:44:21Strategy to running
00:44:22Has died at the age of 80
00:44:24Cause of death was listed as
00:44:26Run, walk, bus
00:44:34Paramount has won the bidding war
00:44:35To take over Warner Brothers Discovery
00:44:37After Netflix decided
00:44:38To not submit another offer
00:44:40Instead, Netflix spent an hour
00:44:42Scrolling around for a new offer
00:44:44Before giving up
00:44:45And going to bed
00:44:47A photo from the Epstein files
00:44:49Has gone viral
00:44:50Showing the late physicist
00:44:52Stephen Hawking
00:44:53Lying between two women
00:44:55In bikinis
00:44:56Which brings me to my segment
00:44:58Hear me out
00:45:03Hear me out, okay
00:45:04You can't be mad at Stephen Hawking
00:45:07For being in this picture
00:45:08What was he supposed to do?
00:45:09Walk away?
00:45:12They basically trafficked him
00:45:15He had no choice
00:45:17But to forgive the expression
00:45:18Roll with it
00:45:20And don't forget
00:45:21The most important thing
00:45:23Dr. Hawking taught us
00:45:24Time is relative
00:45:26So that means age
00:45:27Is just a number
00:45:28Wait, hold on
00:45:29That's not
00:45:31This has been
00:45:32Hear me out
00:45:39Oh, man
00:45:41A 70-year-old man
00:45:43Is saying
00:45:44That he discovered
00:45:45He had a serious heart issue
00:45:46After getting an alert
00:45:48From his smart mattress
00:45:49While a regular mattress
00:45:50Diagnosed my drinking problem
00:45:51With a big old wet spot
00:45:55Thursday was
00:45:56National Small Dog Day
00:45:58Which is celebrated
00:45:59Every February
00:46:00By hawks
00:46:06Today is the last day
00:46:07Of Black History Month
00:46:08Sponsored by Tourette's
00:46:15This show is for someone else
00:46:19Some American girl doll collectors
00:46:21Say they are upset
00:46:22With a new line
00:46:23Of modern-era dolls
00:46:24That appear skinnier
00:46:25Than previous dolls
00:46:28Skinnier
00:46:28I mean, not with those cankles
00:46:35Actress Amanda Seyfried
00:46:36Revealed in an interview
00:46:38That for a scene
00:46:39In her new movie
00:46:40She used a prosthetic butthole
00:46:42Even more disturbing
00:46:44The movie is
00:46:45Stuart Little
00:46:45In the Forbidden Cave
00:46:53Well, the internet
00:46:54Has fallen in love
00:46:55With a baby monkey
00:46:56Named Punch
00:46:59Who is being
00:47:00He's being bullied
00:47:02By other monkeys
00:47:02After his mom
00:47:03Abandoned him
00:47:04Here with her side
00:47:05Of the story
00:47:06Is Punch's mom
00:47:09Oh, y'all don't know me
00:47:13You all don't know me
00:47:15You don't know me
00:47:16You don't know me
00:47:18But you, fella
00:47:19You could get to know me
00:47:23Hey, you like my body color?
00:47:31I think I'm good
00:47:33But everyone
00:47:35Everyone is wondering
00:47:36Why did you abandon Punch?
00:47:38Oh, I had a really good reason
00:47:40Okay, what is it?
00:47:42I didn't want him
00:47:43Oh, shut up!
00:47:46Shut the hell up!
00:47:48You shut up!
00:47:49You shut up!
00:47:51Shut the hell up!
00:47:52Why is everyone so mad
00:47:53At Punch's mom?
00:47:55What about Punch's dad?
00:47:56Well, who is Punch's dad?
00:47:58Well, how am I supposed to know?
00:48:00I'm like a public library
00:48:02Anyone could come aside
00:48:04Oh, shut up!
00:48:06I've been with all the A-list monkeys
00:48:09I've been with King Kong
00:48:11Something you might not expect about him
00:48:14His penis is actually huge
00:48:19I also slept with George
00:48:21For someone so curious
00:48:23He sure had no interest
00:48:25In finding my bean
00:48:28Oh, and let's just say
00:48:30I was Harambe's last meal
00:48:33Oh, God!
00:48:34Shut up!
00:48:36Shut up!
00:48:37Get the hell up!
00:48:38Kiss my ass!
00:48:39Kiss my monkey ass!
00:48:43Kiss my ass, Colin
00:48:46You like my body, Colin?
00:48:50You know what?
00:48:51You know what, Punch's mom?
00:48:53We actually have a little surprise for you
00:48:55Let's bring him out
00:48:56It's Punch!
00:48:59Surprise!
00:49:03Hi, everybody!
00:49:05Why, hell no!
00:49:08Oh, come on
00:49:09How could you not love a face like that?
00:49:17Why won't you love me?
00:49:23You're breaking my heart
00:49:26How about you give your mama a hug?
00:49:29Oh, man, look at that
00:49:34Oh, it's a reunion
00:49:35That's so sweet
00:49:37Colin, now I want another baby
00:49:40Colin!
00:49:42Come on, Colin
00:49:44You know we share 98% of the same DNA
00:49:48And all I'm asking for is a little bit more of yours
00:49:53Oh, God
00:49:53I'm saying his mom, everyone
00:49:57Yeah
00:49:59For Weekend Update, I'm Colin Jones
00:50:01I'm Michael Chang
00:50:02Good night
00:50:18Yeah, so basically it was a whole thing
00:50:21And they have not talked since
00:50:23Wow, I did not realize you knew so much about Hilary Duff's family
00:50:27Yeah
00:50:29Just say it's a special interest of mine
00:50:32Okay
00:50:33So, Griff, you just got back from a trip, right?
00:50:36Oh, yeah, I feel like you were gone for a while
00:50:37Yeah, yeah, I'm lucky, you know
00:50:39I had a ton of PTO
00:50:41And I figured, if not now, when?
00:50:43Wow, that's amazing
00:50:45You were in Europe, whereabouts?
00:50:47So we did Italy for a day
00:50:49We did Spain for a day
00:50:50And then Turkey for two months
00:50:52And then, oh
00:50:53That must be the sheet pan nachos
00:50:56I'll grab them
00:50:58Oh
00:51:01Oh, I
00:51:03Oh, my God
00:51:07Griff, did you get that leg lengthening surgery?
00:51:13Leg lengthening sur-
00:51:15That's a tongue twister
00:51:16Am I right, Davis?
00:51:17Yeah, seriously, it's like Sheila shakes a shell a leg lengthening surgery
00:51:25Exactly, Davis
00:51:27Anyway, I better go get those nachos
00:51:30Yeah
00:51:33I'm fine
00:51:34Dude, you're like seven foot two
00:51:36Just admit you got the surgery
00:51:37Yeah, bro, you're like two Haley Duff's tall right now, dude
00:51:43Am I wrong?
00:51:45We don't know
00:51:46Dude, you used to be, like, 5'1
00:51:495'1?
00:51:54Like, maybe when I was a baby
00:51:57No, I specifically remember you were 5'1 before you left for Turkey
00:52:02Because you dated a girl that was 5'2
00:52:04And she said, I'll literally kill myself
00:52:08If my boyfriend is one inch shorter than me
00:52:10And, unfortunately, we lost her
00:52:15Guys, guys, come on
00:52:17Did you ever think that maybe just Griff grew?
00:52:20You know, like, people have growth spurts
00:52:22Not when you're 31
00:52:25Okay, well, well, maybe he hit a second puberty
00:52:27Or as I like to call it, a tuberty
00:52:31Yes, Davis
00:52:32A tuberty
00:52:33Yes, dude
00:52:35You're awesome, Davis
00:52:37I love you, dude
00:52:38By the way, hey, Kyle
00:52:40Oh
00:52:41We've got to do a basketball rematch, brother
00:52:44Oh, wow
00:52:46All right
00:52:47Dunk on your way
00:52:48You're not dunking
00:52:48I'm not playing you in basketball, man
00:52:50Oh, scared
00:52:51He's so scared
00:52:53I've never seen him scared like this
00:52:55Hey, yeah, I am scared
00:52:57Of your new Turkish leg shattering
00:53:01guys seriously though if i got the leg lingering surgery or whatever would i be able to do this
00:53:12yes definitely okay fine i'll admit it i got the surgery are you happy now yeah seriously
00:53:20are you guys happy now davis why are you so invested in this oh oh i'll tell you why
00:53:25because in order for griff to achieve his dreams i had to donate my leg bones
00:53:33yeah that's right your boy got leg shortening surgery you didn't have to do that oh okay yeah
00:53:40i did because that's what friends do no like you medically didn't have to do that they use rods
00:53:47it's not like a kidney well i'm glad i didn't know that information because i love
00:53:55my new little legs
00:53:59yes davis i love them legs man now uh the doctor did say that there's an 80 chance my body
00:54:08will
00:54:08reject his bones but doctors be saying whatever hey man the second i am medically cleared to stand
00:54:16in 2029 i am giving you that hug oh my gosh and in the meantime i'll bring the hug to
00:54:22you
00:54:26oh my goodness y'all distracted me and the sheet tray nachos are burning and i gotta go grab them
00:54:36nachos nachos nachos nachos ah great another bad day in a series of bad days for me
00:55:02hi guys everybody randall uh if i can get everyone's attention for a sec uh look
00:55:09i know spirits are low after the third round of layoffs so i think it would be great to
00:55:15brainstorm some ways to raise office morale how about some more vacation days okay that's great
00:55:23uh who else uh what about an espresso machine for the kitchen or uh new tv for the break room
00:55:29okay these are all great any other ideas i have an idea we should have a dance
00:55:38i'm sorry what we should have a big dance the boys in tuxedos the girls in gowns a night to
00:55:47remember
00:55:50okay sure uh probably not a dance but uh what about some other ideas oh um i think we should
00:55:58get a
00:55:59women's bathroom i'm tired of sticking my bare ass out the window every time i have to go
00:56:07hannah we have a women's bathroom we do
00:56:13well in that case i vote for the dance a quick question about the dance would we bring our wives
00:56:19and husbands no we would go with each other the boys would ask the girls and for one night only
00:56:28the outside world doesn't exist severance style
00:56:34hmm and what do you mean by severance style well at home you can be one person but in the
00:56:40office
00:56:41you're living a completely different life oh and i've been living severance style this whole time
00:56:48no jerry you're just having an affair my innie is my audi is actually a really good man
00:56:56he's a father and a husband who doesn't cheat never missed a baseball game because he was drinking
00:57:01he's a good man and that is all i have to say about that
00:57:11okay moving on uh what else will happen at this dance oh well the office nerd will take off their
00:57:17glasses revealing they're actually beautiful too bad we don't have an office nerd
00:57:29uh question for the dance could we sneak alcohol into the office uh you already do that randall
00:57:37uh no i just bring my big bottle of sprite every day
00:57:41mm that's pretty strong oh and another thing at the end of the night we would crown a king and
00:57:52a queen
00:57:53oh i know who the king's gonna be egbert
00:58:04maybe it's the sprite talking but um i'd hit it
00:58:16so it's settled egbert will be king and the queen will be the hottest girl
00:58:21in the office okay on the count of three let's all say who we think the hottest girl in the
00:58:27office
00:58:27is no guys no one two three hannah
00:58:36no one else said anything
00:58:41okay now all we need are uh dates
00:58:47cassie ever since the first day i started working here you like
00:58:50totally changed my life so i'm gonna take a chance
00:59:02cassie will you go to the dance with me oh every bone in my body is telling me you're just
00:59:08gonna hurt me
00:59:10but yes you guys are both married to other people
00:59:18not tonight nice severance style
00:59:24well looks like all we need now is some music huh
00:59:30we can help with that
00:59:37muffin and sons were y'all using our bathroom
00:59:41of course we were we do everything together
00:59:46now let's get king egbert laid for the very first time
00:59:51what makes you think i haven't been i haven't
00:59:54oh my love my darling
01:00:00i'll wait for your touch
01:00:04a long time
01:00:07one two three four time goes by
01:00:12so slow
01:00:14once again mumford and son
01:00:35sons
01:00:36here's my final serenade
01:00:40here's the gun and here's the blade
01:00:43here's the picture that i saved
01:00:46for too long
01:00:49here's my credit card and keys
01:00:52and the reason i won't find peace
01:00:55here's a song i cannot complete
01:00:58for too long
01:01:01here's my pride and here's my shame
01:01:04here's the trophy that bears my name
01:01:07here's all the mistakes i made
01:01:10for too long
01:01:12here's the answers i never gave here's the calls i should have made here's the substance
01:01:21that i crave
01:01:23all along
01:01:27here's my vision and here's my aim here's my address
01:01:32and the ones and the ones and the ones i blame
01:01:33while still sitting and taking names i just want to belong here's my lonely serenade
01:01:51here's my pride
01:01:53here's my pride
01:01:55here's not
01:01:57bears my name. Here's all the mistakes I made
01:02:01for too long. Here's
01:02:05the answers I never gave. Here's the calls
01:02:09I should have made. Here's the substance that I
01:02:13crave all along.
01:02:21Can you hold
01:02:23all of my secrets?
01:02:27Here we swear
01:02:29we can't
01:02:31forget.
01:02:33I had lies
01:02:36like you wouldn't
01:02:37believe.
01:02:41I brought to my
01:02:44name.
01:02:46It's Aaron Desna.
01:03:01Here's my pride and here's my shame. Here's the trophy that bears my name. Here's all the mistakes I made
01:03:11for too long. Here's the answers I never gave. Here's the calls I should have made. Here's the substance that
01:03:22I crave.
01:03:49Here's the
01:03:52Well, get ready, because for my bachelorette,
01:03:55I'm gonna make you guys take me to Europe.
01:03:58Okay, Jess, try getting into a relationship first.
01:04:04Oh, my God, I'm trying.
01:04:06Ooh! Who could that be?
01:04:09Don't tell me you guys got a stripper.
01:04:11Guilty!
01:04:20I am served.
01:04:22Hi, ladies.
01:04:24Oh, my God.
01:04:25Did someone call a plugger?
01:04:29Hit it!
01:04:32Oh, my God.
01:04:34Are you okay?
01:04:35Oh, I was hit by a little car on my way here,
01:04:38but I've never missed a party,
01:04:41and I'm not gonna start now.
01:04:45Oh, who wants to see my abs?
01:04:55I'm worried about him,
01:04:56but I definitely don't want him to stop.
01:04:59Well, I just hope his penis is unscathed.
01:05:04Kim, we know you're gay.
01:05:05You don't have to do all that.
01:05:06Oh, okay.
01:05:09So I have so many more clothes to put on the floor.
01:05:13Oh.
01:05:15Oh.
01:05:15I think I'll see a sexy little lady who wants to help me.
01:05:19Brown hair like mama.
01:05:22Woo!
01:05:28Oh!
01:05:38I'm on my way to you.
01:05:41Wow.
01:05:42He's using his plunger to crawl towards me.
01:05:45That's so hot.
01:05:46Oh.
01:05:47What's your name, mama?
01:05:49Um, Ella.
01:05:52What's your last name?
01:05:54Okay, I feel like you're just, like, stalling to get over here.
01:05:58Okay.
01:06:05Okay.
01:06:06Oh.
01:06:07Oh.
01:06:09Okay.
01:06:10Okay, okay.
01:06:11Ella.
01:06:11Yes.
01:06:12Will you dance with me?
01:06:14Yes.
01:06:15Oh.
01:06:19Oh.
01:06:19Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:06:21Okay.
01:06:22You got a lot of blood.
01:06:25Will you take off my pants?
01:06:27Are you...
01:06:30Are you sure?
01:06:31Because it seemed like when you took your shirt off, it hurt really bad.
01:06:33No.
01:06:33These are terrible.
01:06:34Oh, okay.
01:06:35One, two, three.
01:06:36Oh.
01:06:38Oh.
01:06:40Oh.
01:06:41Oh.
01:06:41Yeah.
01:06:43Serge, is your leg okay?
01:06:46What do you think?
01:06:47I got it back, huh?
01:06:49Well, ladies, I think we're all thinking the same thing.
01:06:52His body is mid.
01:06:56That was clearly the best I've ever seen.
01:07:00Oh, my God.
01:07:01Oh.
01:07:02Then it sounds like someone wants to live in that place.
01:07:06I guess I frankly do.
01:07:08Oh.
01:07:09You know, I'd be so sexy.
01:07:11Oh.
01:07:13You took my belt.
01:07:14Okay.
01:07:15Oh.
01:07:18You took my belt.
01:07:20Oh.
01:07:23Oh, I'm gonna...
01:07:25I'm gonna be right around my...
01:07:29around my thigh.
01:07:30Oh, like a tourniquet?
01:07:34Um, guys, I think he passed out.
01:07:38Hey, Serge.
01:07:39You okay?
01:07:40Hey, Serge.
01:07:41Oh.
01:07:42Oh, my God.
01:07:43Oh.
01:07:44Oh, where am I?
01:07:45Oh.
01:07:47Oh.
01:07:48It's a little party.
01:07:50Great.
01:07:52Oh.
01:07:58Oh.
01:07:59Oh.
01:08:00Uh-oh.
01:08:01Going down.
01:08:06Oh, my God.
01:08:07Is he dead?
01:08:09Oh, my God.
01:08:14Do you like these ladies?
01:08:17Hey!
01:08:19Hey!
01:08:19Oh, my God.
01:08:21Oh, my God.
01:08:35My biggest thanks to Mumford & Sons, Quinn Hughes, Jack Hughes, Hilary Knight, Meaghan Keller, Hudson Williams,
01:08:42Posier, Sierra Farrell, and Aaron Dessner.
01:08:47This has truly been an absolute dream come true.
01:08:50My biggest thank you to Lorne Michaels for having me here.
01:08:54Biggest thank you ever.
01:08:56Thank you to Carrie Powers, Rebecca Shorts.
01:08:59Thank you to my team.
01:08:59Thank you to the crew and the cast.
01:09:01Everyone is, like, so incredible.
01:09:04I truly cannot believe this.
01:09:06Thank you to who?
01:09:07Thank you to Donna.
01:09:08Thank you to Jenna.
01:09:10It's, like, absolutely insane just how many people
01:09:13are constantly running around.
01:09:15And, like, this is the best environment ever.
01:09:18So thank you so much.
01:09:19Have a good time.
01:09:54Thank you so much for watching Emily.
01:09:58Oh, my goodness.
01:10:09guitar solo
01:10:41guitar solo
01:11:03guitar solo
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