- 23 hours ago
Would I Lie To You
- Season 19 Episode 9 - Holly Willoughby, Montell Douglas, David Morrissey, John Kearns
- Season 19 Episode 9 - Holly Willoughby, Montell Douglas, David Morrissey, John Kearns
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Short filmTranscript
00:21Good evening, welcome to Would I Lie To You, the show with naked truths and well-dressed lies.
00:27On David Mitchell's team tonight, she puts the personality in TV personality, it's Holly Willoughby.
00:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:38And Olympian, Gladiator, she is on fire, it's Montel Douglas.
00:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:47And on Lee Mack's team tonight, a stand-up comedian and Taskmaster star, it's John Kearns.
00:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:56And an award-winning actor and filmmaker, it's only David Morrissey.
01:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:06So, to round one, home truths, where our panellists read out a statement from the card in front of them.
01:11To make things harder, they've never seen the card before.
01:14They have no idea what they'll be faced with.
01:17It's up to the opposing team to sort the fact from the fiction.
01:20David, your first up.
01:23Oh, my commitment to preparing for a part once ruined a romantic weekend away.
01:29Ooh, David's team.
01:31So, what was the role?
01:33Like a chef in a kitchen, so I had to familiarise myself with all that.
01:37At which stage of your, may I say, fairly fated career?
01:41LAUGHTER
01:42It's lovely to have some class on that side.
01:44Thank you very much.
01:45I mean, that's fine for me, but pointing at a new guy...
01:47LAUGHTER
01:47It's a bit harsh, Rob.
01:50I will say...
01:50You can say to the regulars, but not the new guy who's just come and gone.
01:54Will it be fun?
01:54Yes.
01:55The only line is, it's nice to have some class, apart from them two.
01:58LAUGHTER
01:59I will say, with you, Sandman, you do look like three solicitors on a team-building weekend.
02:06LAUGHTER
02:07And you're allowed to wear fun shirts, but you didn't get the email.
02:12So, David, which stage of your wonderful career was this?
02:16It was a film I did in the late 90s. It was called Some Voices.
02:19And you were playing a chef.
02:21The director was very precise about what he wanted.
02:25So, he wanted to see my hands chopping vegetables and stuff
02:30and then come up to my face.
02:31And he said, it's got to be in this one shot.
02:34And my wife at the time and I had booked a romantic weekend away.
02:38Where were you taking her?
02:39It was, like, some hotel somewhere.
02:41Some hotel somewhere.
02:43And you say she was your wife then, and I think it's...
02:46LAUGHTER
02:47It's all falling into place, isn't it?
02:49LAUGHTER
02:50And, er, I phoned ahead and said,
02:53could I work in your kitchen?
02:55Could I work in your kitchen?
02:57I got there and the guy said,
02:58oh, off you go, you've got a stint in the kitchen.
03:01So, as soon as you arrived, you come with me,
03:05and your wife was left in the room alone?
03:09LAUGHTER
03:09Yeah, and, er...
03:10How did she respond?
03:11Not... Not great.
03:14Did it help? Did you learn how to chop and all that sort of stuff?
03:18Yeah, it helped a bit, you know, but then it was, er...
03:21It ruined the weekend, it ruined the marriage.
03:23How did it...
03:24LAUGHTER
03:26And what did the former Mrs Morrissey...
03:28LAUGHTER
03:29Because she's long gone, but what did the former Mrs Morrissey
03:32make of the meal?
03:34Don't say she's long gone.
03:35LAUGHTER
03:36Sorry, I'm sure she's still with us.
03:38I mean, she's long gone for you.
03:40Don't even say, I'm sure she's still with us.
03:42Just don't say anything.
03:44Just don't...
03:44Just don't mention the welfare of the ex-Mrs Morrissey.
03:47OK, but Mrs Morrissey, as was...
03:49LAUGHTER
03:52How...
03:52How did she rate the meal?
03:55It didn't help when I kept saying to her, you know,
03:58I chopped them, I did that.
04:01LAUGHTER
04:01Holly, what do you think?
04:02I imagine he has got that dedication.
04:04He's a proper actor.
04:06I know, though it's a real...
04:06He's not like...
04:07He's a proper actor.
04:09LAUGHTER
04:09And all he would have been thinking about
04:11is preparing for the...
04:13I know, I know.
04:13He doesn't care what it's for.
04:14Do you know, Will, Gavin and Stacey,
04:16how do you prepare playing that little annoying Welsh git?
04:20LAUGHTER
04:23APPLAUSE
04:25The one with the highest viewing figures for 30 years.
04:29Oh, OK.
04:29LAUGHTER
04:31Boom!
04:33Drop the mic.
04:35LAUGHTER
04:35The question is, is David Morrissey telling the truth?
04:40I think it's true.
04:41I instinctively think it might be true.
04:43Let's go true, then.
04:44They all think it's true.
04:45Yep, let's go true.
04:45They think it's true.
04:46David, was it true or were you telling a lie?
04:49It was...
04:50True.
04:51LAUGHTER
04:53APPLAUSE
04:53It's true.
04:55David's commitment to acting did ruin a romantic weekend.
04:59John, you're next.
05:03As a boy, I got to go on Blue Peter
05:06for having an absolutely massive rabbit.
05:10LAUGHTER
05:12I hope this is true.
05:14Yes, that would be a nice story.
05:14I really hope this is true.
05:16Who were the hosts of Blue Peter when you went on?
05:19I did the interview with Connie Huck.
05:22How old are you?
05:23Eight.
05:23Eight.
05:24No, no, now.
05:26LAUGHTER
05:28LAUGHTER
05:28Yeah, it's been...
05:29It's been a...
05:30It's been a tough life.
05:31It's been a tough life.
05:33LAUGHTER
05:33So what year was this?
05:351996.
05:36Have you got a Boobies badge?
05:37Got a gold one.
05:39The gold Blue Peter badge?
05:41Yeah.
05:41When I was a child, people who got gold...
05:44..above a knighthood.
05:47LAUGHTER
05:47How big was this rabbit?
05:51LAUGHTER
05:52I feel like you overfed it.
05:53Did you overfeed it?
05:55Well, I don't think I overfed it.
05:56We had a cat called Mitzi.
05:58Who went missing.
06:00LAUGHTER
06:02LAUGHTER
06:08That died when I was three.
06:10OK.
06:10And my mum...
06:11My mum thought I was making a connection with a pet.
06:14So they bought me a rabbit.
06:16The rabbit's name, what was it?
06:17Samantha.
06:18Samantha?
06:19Samantha.
06:20Were you told that it was a rabbit that would grow to enormous size?
06:24My dad, who bought the rabbit, was told,
06:27Yeah, be careful, this might explode.
06:30When did he acquire the rabbit?
06:32Sellafield.
06:33There was a bloke...
06:34LAUGHTER
06:40There's a bloke who lives down the road who's still there,
06:43and so he gave my dad one.
06:45It was a normal-sized bunny when I got it.
06:47Normal-sized?
06:48Yeah.
06:48Connie Huck weighed it in one of those, you know, like,
06:51baby weighing scales.
06:53And how much did it weigh?
06:54Eight stone three.
06:56What?!
06:56Eight stone three?!
06:58No!
07:00No!
07:00You had them till when?!
07:02Eight stone!
07:04Eight stone!
07:05Eight stone?
07:07It's like a...
07:09What?
07:09What?
07:10What?
07:10What?
07:12What?
07:15What?
07:43What?
07:43What?
07:43What?
07:43It's about the size of a Shetland pony!
07:47But that's why I'm on Blue Peter with it, man.
07:51They're not just calling me in because I've got a normal-sized rabbit.
07:55They called me in. Do you know what? When I brought it in, they reacted exactly like how you're reacting
08:00now.
08:01How did he bring it in?
08:04Because I brought it in a car!
08:06He was driving!
08:09I'm from the Subloose!
08:14Do you know what? It had really small ears, wouldn't it?
08:17That is weird.
08:18It had small ears.
08:20Are you sure it wasn't a Shetland pony?
08:25I think it might have been your dad in a rabbit suit.
08:29To make up for the loss of the cat.
08:35How did Blue Peter hear about your rabbit?
08:38It was like a summer bonanza kind of, you know, right in with your biggest stuff.
08:45There was a chap there, he was probably about ten, and he had like a, well, he'd grown a tomato.
08:51Oh, so it wasn't just you, it was kids with big things?
08:54There was about three of us stood around.
08:56How big was the tomato?
08:58Uh...
08:58Now, careful.
09:00It's about the size of his head.
09:03And what was the third large item?
09:07Why did you create two more big items?
09:11Why have you done this to yourself, Jim?
09:14I was going to think of one, but now you've got three!
09:18LAUGHTER
09:19There was a girl there, she had used the same pencil at school for three years, and it was that
09:24big.
09:25LAUGHTER
09:25And there was little things as well?
09:27You wrote in, you were watching Blue Peter.
09:31Do you know what? You can be cruel on this show sometimes.
09:33No, I'm not being... I'm just...
09:34You were watching Blue Peter with, remind me of the rabbit's name?
09:39Samantha.
09:40Don't remind him.
09:41LAUGHTER
09:43Well, she was kind of wandering around the living room, yeah.
09:46Knocking over the sofa.
09:50Smashing through windows.
09:53Smoking a cigar.
09:55Eating the telly.
09:58And it says on the programme, we're having a big summer bonanza.
10:03Summer bonanza, right.
10:03Writing if you've got anything enormous or tiny.
10:07Please tell me they didn't say that on Blue Peter.
10:09LAUGHTER
10:11So, hey, John, what happened to Samantha in the fullness of time?
10:16Did she go the way of Mrs. Morrissey?
10:19LAUGHTER
10:21Like, humans, as you get older, you get smaller.
10:23Yes.
10:23So, she did actually go back to normal size.
10:26Oh, please, please!
10:27LAUGHTER
10:28Wow!
10:29She went back to a normal-sized rabbit from eight stone!
10:34She had massive ears by the end of it.
10:37LAUGHTER
10:38When she passed, she was, er, er, one stone six.
10:44LAUGHTER
10:44That's still quite heavy for a rabbit, just so you know.
10:48LAUGHTER
10:48How heavy is a stone?
10:49Just one stone is a lot heavier than a rabbit.
10:52I wish I'd known that five minutes ago.
10:56LAUGHTER
10:58What are you thinking, David's team?
11:00It's so wild.
11:01I've never heard of a rabbit that's that big.
11:03I can't believe he would say that.
11:05Oh, no.
11:07You know what, with the dates, spot on with the dates,
11:10and the timelines.
11:11Yeah, the dates.
11:12It was a long period where it was very believable, wasn't there?
11:15Everything about his story was perfect.
11:16It was the weight of the rabbit.
11:19LAUGHTER
11:20But also, I remember now someone getting a gold Blue Peter badge,
11:24and it was Torval and Dean got them
11:27when they'd won about four gold medals.
11:30LAUGHTER
11:31And he got one for, admittedly,
11:34the largest rabbit that has ever lived.
11:39What are we going to say?
11:40It's got to be a lie.
11:41I think we have to say it's a lie.
11:45All right.
11:46This is a tense moment.
11:48John, were you telling the truth, or was it a lie?
11:53It was, in fact, a lie.
11:56APPLAUSE
11:58It's a lie.
12:00John didn't have a massive rabbit.
12:02Our next round is called This Is My,
12:05where we bring on a mystery guest
12:07who has a close connection to one of our panellists.
12:09This week, each of David's team will claim it's them
12:12that has the genuine connection to the guest.
12:14It's up to Lee's team to spot who's telling the truth.
12:16So, please welcome this week's special guest, Myra.
12:21APPLAUSE
12:27So, Montel, what is Myra to you?
12:30So, this is Myra,
12:31and I once pretended to be her on a running app
12:34so she could beat her rival.
12:36LAUGHTER
12:36Holly, how do you know Myra?
12:40This is Myra.
12:41She helped spare my blushes
12:43when I suffered a catastrophic wardrobe malfunction.
12:46LAUGHTER
12:47And finally, David, what is your relationship with Myra?
12:51This is Myra, and we once queued for ages
12:54for a hot sausage roll,
12:57only for me to let a stranger push in in front of us
13:00who then bought all the sausage rolls.
13:03LAUGHTER
13:04There we have it.
13:05Lee's team, where will you begin?
13:06Right, Montel.
13:07First of all, remind us,
13:09what was your particular event when you were an athlete?
13:12Erm, so, a sprinter.
13:13100 metres?
13:14Yes.
13:15What kind of times could you get at 100 metres?
13:17Er, best time was 11.05.
13:20Oh, that's good. I can only do 11.06.
13:22LAUGHTER
13:24And, of course, you're a gladiator.
13:25So, you're very fit, very athletic.
13:27And how do you cheat?
13:28So, you wear a watch on running apps,
13:30but, like, this one, and it's tracks, basically,
13:33you're running how fast you run,
13:34and, essentially, if you wore this watch,
13:36it would just think that you were me.
13:37Why would you want to cheat, though?
13:39Well, I didn't want to cheat,
13:40but Myra wanted to cheat,
13:42because she basically wanted to beat her rivals.
13:43She's not a serious athlete, then,
13:45she just does it for fun?
13:46She does it for fun.
13:46And what kind of distance?
13:485K.
13:48Oh, but you're a sprinter.
13:50I know. I know.
13:51What kind of time can you do 5K in?
13:53It was beating her time, so...
13:55Oh, her own time.
13:55Her time was about 34 minutes.
13:57I did the time, 32.43.
14:00For her?
14:00For her.
14:01When you came back with your 32 minutes,
14:03was she slightly disappointed?
14:05No, she was fine,
14:06because, at one point,
14:06I mean, I was tying my shoelace lots of times,
14:08so I was actually going quite slow at one point.
14:10How many times do you need to tie your shoelaces?
14:12How the hell did you do 100 metres in 11 seconds
14:14if you were tying your shoelaces all the time?
14:16I don't wear trousers.
14:17I wear spikes all the time.
14:18Did you come clean to her friend, or...?
14:20Well, I didn't come clean,
14:21but she did a couple of weeks later to her friends.
14:23I think she forgave her.
14:24Really? I would never forgive them.
14:25Yeah, that's...
14:27LAUGHTER
14:28Why didn't she just get a cab?
14:30Get a cab?
14:31You say,
14:32drive...
14:3229 minute 5K.
14:34They'd have to be crawling.
14:36My phone knows if I'm walking or in a car.
14:40Just saying.
14:40I mean...
14:42You don't need a phone for that,
14:44cos I know that already.
14:45That's crazy.
14:45No, I'm not...
14:46Don't ask my phone,
14:47am I walking or...
14:49You don't have to run on my turns again, are you?
14:50Siri,
14:51am I in a car?
14:52Or am I walking really quick again?
14:55Cos my legs are moving.
14:57I try and keep track of the steps I've done each day.
15:00How many steps do you aim for?
15:01I would like to average 10,000 or more over a year per day.
15:06Oh!
15:07Per day?
15:08Per day?
15:09Per day?
15:09I would like to do 365 steps a year.
15:13No, 10,000 a day.
15:15What do you kit yourself out in when you go for one of these power walks?
15:19I just walk in my normal clothes and arrive sort of clammy.
15:23LAUGHTER
15:24That's his profile on Match.com.
15:26LAUGHTER
15:27Right, who next?
15:28Oh, well, I'd like Montel to do a blood test, please.
15:30LAUGHTER
15:33So, er...
15:34Holly.
15:34Yes.
15:35Remind us again of your lie.
15:37I mean, of your thing.
15:38So, this is Myra.
15:40She once helped me spare my blushes when I had a catastrophic wardrobe malfunction.
15:45What was that?
15:45What was the malfunction?
15:46Erm, my zip on my dress bust.
15:50The back or the front or the side?
15:52It was a dress that had a zip that went from the bottom to the top,
15:56so if you undid it, it would completely open out like this.
16:00What were you doing?
16:01What was the show?
16:03I was actually at 10 Downing Street.
16:06Were you?
16:07At a charity function.
16:08Oh.
16:09Who was Prime Minister?
16:11Connie Hook?
16:12LAUGHTER
16:14I cannot remember.
16:15What year was it?
16:16I think it was 2016, around then.
16:20It could have been Cameron or May.
16:22May, yeah.
16:23I think it was Cameron.
16:24Did it look like a man or a woman?
16:26LAUGHTER
16:27I can't remember.
16:27To be honest, the whole evening was so stressful that all of those kind of details I blanked out.
16:33I went there and I went to the loo and my dress was very sort of tight,
16:39so I thought, well, I'm going to have to wiggle it up.
16:41And it couldn't wiggle over my bum.
16:43Right.
16:43And it went bang.
16:45So, who's Myra?
16:46So, Myra...
16:47Well, she was Chancellor of the Exchequer.
16:50LAUGHTER
16:51I remember.
16:54APPLAUSE
16:57So, because it had kind of bust to the midway point on my back,
17:01it was open like this is a V, so it was full bum out.
17:05Your bottom was out.
17:06And you don't have your phone because they take it off you when you first get in,
17:10so I was stuck in this cubicle waiting for someone to walk in,
17:13cos I couldn't walk out cos my bum was out and I was in the Prime Minister's house.
17:18Well, I mean, you had underwear on.
17:23Yeah, I had really big holding knickers on.
17:26Oh, you had the big white pants on.
17:28Yeah.
17:28How do you know the white?
17:30I mean, you had your big pants on.
17:34What's going on here?
17:36In a completely separate story, I recently bought some new binoculars.
17:42So, Myra here, thankfully, was in the cubicle next door.
17:47A woman who, at this point, you don't know who she is.
17:49No, I don't.
17:50So, I open my cubicle door and I go,
17:52Hello, I'm so sorry you don't know me,
17:55but could you go and find my husband
17:58and ask him to get my coat from downstairs?
18:01And she was incredible because she went out and she found my husband.
18:05OK.
18:05And then got my coat.
18:07And I had to wear my coat for the whole evening.
18:11Have you been to number ten, Lee?
18:12I have, yes.
18:13Oh, what was the occasion?
18:14Genuinely, do you know what?
18:15I remember more than anything else,
18:16how individual all the toilets were.
18:19Mm, me too.
18:20And no cubicles whatsoever.
18:21Just a toilet, like in a house.
18:23What was the event you were there for?
18:25I was actually burgling the house.
18:30What about you, David?
18:31Have you been?
18:32No.
18:33Me neither.
18:34Montel?
18:34No.
18:35No.
18:36John?
18:37I was a tour guide at...
18:41Just so you know, just to be clear,
18:43when it's just chat, you can tell the truth.
18:47This is just a conversation.
18:48It's all your own.
18:49Don't feel you under any pressure to make up giant animals.
18:54I was a tour guide at Parliament for four years.
18:57Well, I wasn't expecting that.
19:00You would show people around what the House of Commons?
19:03I took schools around, groups of WI.
19:07Celebs sometimes.
19:08Which celebs?
19:09The Speaker of the Isle of Wight.
19:11No way!
19:13Bloody hell.
19:15Paul McCartney went in at about 10 o'clock at night,
19:18just walked in saying...
19:19But you chose to mention...
19:20And you mentioned...
19:21..the Isle of Wight first.
19:24Oh, oh, and Jesus came once!
19:30So, you got the coat, you wrapped it round...
19:34Got the coat, wrapped it round.
19:35And all was well.
19:36And all was well.
19:37Now, then, what about David?
19:40Remind us of how you know Myra.
19:42OK, this is Myra.
19:44We once queued for ages for a hot sausage roll,
19:47only for me to let someone in in front of us
19:50who then bought all of the sausage rolls.
19:53Where were you?
19:54We were at the Hay Festival.
19:57And how did you know Myra?
19:58She works for the publisher that was publishing my book.
20:03I didn't know you'd written a book.
20:04Any good?
20:04I've been told that it is brilliant.
20:09What's it about?
20:10It's about the kings and queens of England.
20:12Am I in it?
20:13Have you mentioned me?
20:14No, cos you weren't king or queen of England.
20:17Actually, it only goes up to 1603.
20:20So, actually, even if you had been king...
20:21Why does it only go up to 1603?
20:23Just after four o'clock.
20:24Oh, yeah.
20:26Did they just sell sausage rolls?
20:28It was a hot sausage roll stand.
20:30Nothing else.
20:31And did you know the person who pushed in?
20:33No.
20:34The person politely asked because he said he was rushing to an event.
20:40Right.
20:40And you were buying just two sausage rolls, one each?
20:44Yes.
20:45That was the plan anyway.
20:46That was the plan.
20:46Were there people behind you?
20:48I think there might have been eight to ten people behind me.
20:50But the queue had been moving.
20:51It's all fine.
20:52They smell very good, sausage rolls.
20:54And you invested quite a bit emotionally in getting this sausage roll.
20:58Yeah, yeah, yeah.
20:59And as we got to the front of the queue, horror of horrors,
21:02they've run out of sausage rolls.
21:04But the guy says,
21:05Don't worry, another batch is coming out in a minute.
21:08Right.
21:09But this bloke came up to me and said,
21:10I'm rushing to an event.
21:11Would it be all right if I just nip in and get it?
21:13And I said,
21:14Oh, yes, OK.
21:15And how many did he buy?
21:1720!
21:17Right.
21:1820?
21:19He didn't tell me he was going to buy 20.
21:22And then I chatted to Myra.
21:25And then I turn and I look and they're going,
21:27there's the tray of delicious sausage rolls and a bag.
21:30Thumps.
21:31Oh, thumps.
21:33Thumps.
21:34Thumps.
21:34And I'm thinking,
21:35oh, he's getting a lot of sausage rolls.
21:37Oh, we laugh about it.
21:39Can you imagine?
21:40We laugh about it.
21:41Thumps.
21:43Thumps.
21:43So this is a lot of sausage rolls, isn't it?
21:46Thumps.
21:47Thumps.
21:47Thumps.
21:48At this point, we cross the halfway line.
21:51Half of them have gone into the bag.
21:54And it's fine, though.
21:54Then they tie up the bag.
21:56That's fine.
21:56Oh, no!
21:58Look, it's another bag.
22:00Thumps.
22:01Thumps.
22:02Thumps.
22:02Thumps.
22:03OK.
22:03Imagine now.
22:04There's four left.
22:06Four left now.
22:08Thumps.
22:09Thumps.
22:11Thumps.
22:13Thumps.
22:14Thumps.
22:14Thumps.
22:32Thumps.
22:33Thumps.
22:40Thumps.
22:43Thumps.
22:49Thumps.
22:50I'd wanted, like, nine sausage rolls, and then we'd just bought two.
22:54Do you know what?
22:54I think it wouldn't have got to this point.
22:58LAUGHTER
23:27APPLAUSE
23:28He's not queuing with the hoi polloi.
23:30He's round the back in a nice posh tent.
23:32Yeah.
23:33Getting free grub.
23:34Maybe he'd like just to mingle with the great unwashed.
23:36Yeah.
23:37I want to get the Greggs advert.
23:38I'll buy a sausage roll.
23:39Yeah, that's right.
23:40They'll not see the other side of me.
23:41Yeah.
23:42He even had the voice ready.
23:43I'll have two sausage rolls.
23:44LAUGHTER
23:46And talk to me paper bag.
23:50LAUGHTER
23:51What are you thinking, John?
23:52Which way are you leaning?
23:53Well, I think holly has been avoided at number ten.
23:56Do you believe there's a dress that goes all the way from the top
23:59to the bottom of the zip?
24:00I have seen these dresses, yeah.
24:02Well, they go all the way down?
24:03Yeah, they're nice.
24:03You must have seen one of those.
24:06They're not that uncommon.
24:07The sexy man!
24:10LAUGHTER
24:11Oh, thank you.
24:12Not when you say it.
24:14LAUGHTER
24:18In fact, I'd call them off-putting, the way you said it.
24:20Yeah.
24:21I don't think it was the voice.
24:22I think it was the waving of the arms.
24:24The sexy man!
24:30David Morrissey, who do you think it is?
24:32I think it's holly.
24:33I can sort of imagine that happening.
24:35OK, I'll go with my team and say it's holly.
24:37Right.
24:39Myra, would you please reveal your true identity?
24:42I'm Myra and I helped Holly with her dress.
24:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
24:47Yes, Myra is Holly's sartorial saviour.
24:52Thank you very much, Myra.
24:59CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
25:12So, let's have a look in the box that's under your desk.
25:14First of all, read out the card.
25:18These are my doggy paddles.
25:21Because he can't talk, my dog brings me one of these
25:25to tell me what he wants.
25:29LAUGHTER
25:33LAUGHTER
25:36LAUGHTER
25:36LAUGHTER
25:36Oh, my goodness!
25:39That's the David's team.
25:40So, let's have a look.
25:42There's toilet, walk...
25:43Oh, no, no, no, no, that's just for a bit of fun.
25:45He always wants a game of table tennis.
25:47LAUGHTER
25:49Toilet, walk...
25:50What's the music one?
25:52He likes music.
25:52My dog likes music.
25:53Can I ask you which dog?
25:55Because you've got two dogs.
25:56Yes, because we go dog walking together, don't we?
25:58We go dog walking.
25:58It's, er...
25:59It's Ludo.
26:00What breed of dog is he?
26:01He's a silver Labrador.
26:03Oh.
26:03Yes.
26:04And they are hard to train, aren't they?
26:06They're impossible to train.
26:07Silver Labradors particularly, I don't know.
26:09People will write in,
26:09that's because you're not training him properly, yeah?
26:11Well, that's because you're stupid.
26:12He's impossible to train.
26:13LAUGHTER
26:14Well, I say it's impossible to train.
26:16I've trained him to...
26:17LAUGHTER
26:18He's just...
26:19I was just going to say,
26:20the whole thing is about you training him.
26:22LAUGHTER
26:23Yeah.
26:25Don't even know about Petson, mate.
26:26You go crazy in this game.
26:28You've trained Ludo to bring the relevant table tennis back.
26:34No, you can see there's marks on here from the teeth of the dot...
26:38Of Ludo's teeth.
26:39Oh, well, it must be true.
26:41LAUGHTER
26:42Although I did see a member of the production team
26:44chewing a table tennis back.
26:46LAUGHTER
26:47He comes towards me like this.
26:48It has been sterilised.
26:50Yeah.
26:50I'm just telling Ludo when he has it back.
26:52LAUGHTER
26:57He...
26:58It's upside down, though.
27:00Not to him, it's not.
27:00He knows that...
27:01Yes, that's a good point.
27:02I'll go with that.
27:03Not to him, it's not.
27:05If he wants a bit of music...
27:06Yeah, I see.
27:09LAUGHTER
27:10LAUGHTER
27:12And where do you keep the bats?
27:15In the loft.
27:15Where do you keep those?
27:17LAUGHTER
27:18Lee, you could put them down for a bit and that will help with...
27:21That can't. He's only four years old.
27:24LAUGHTER
27:26No, the bats.
27:27Oh, the bats, sorry.
27:29Right, Holly Willoughby.
27:31Well, I mean, the only thing I do know about Ludo
27:33is that you haven't even quite trained him to know his own name.
27:37LAUGHTER
27:38Because the only way you can get that dog to come to you
27:41is if you go, Bull.
27:43Yes.
27:43And it now thinks its name is Bull.
27:45Yes.
27:47David, what is your team going to say?
27:49Erm...
27:49It can't be true.
27:50Yeah, I think it can't.
27:52It can't be true.
27:54It's unusual in this.
27:55It's almost like more than a lie, it actually can't be true.
27:59LAUGHTER
28:00They're essentially saying it's a lie, Lee.
28:02Is it a lie or was that actually the truth?
28:11It's a lie, those aren't Lee's doggy paddles.
28:15And that noise signals time is up, it's the end of the show.
28:18I can reveal that David's team has won by three points to one.
28:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
28:26Thanks for watching, we'll see you next time. Good night.
28:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
28:32Well, spelling is essential.
28:34Pardon, there should be two S's in that.
28:36Essential.
28:37Join the spelling bee on BBC Three now.
28:40And from Mackenzie Crook,
28:41enter the weird and wonderful world of small profits.
28:44Available to watch now on BBC iPlayer.
28:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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