An impromptu goodbye party for Professor John Oldman becomes a mysterious interrogation after the retiring scholar reveals to his colleagues he has a longer and stranger past than they can imagine.
*
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:28Transcribed by ESO, translated by —
00:00:59Transcribed by ESO, translated by —
00:01:00I don't like goodbyes.
00:01:01Kind of the point of a goodbye party, John.
00:01:04Went to a certain amount of trouble, you know.
00:01:07Could at least date a few minutes.
00:01:08Huh?
00:01:09Eating some of the food we so feverishly prepared.
00:01:13I apologize, Harry.
00:01:14Why are you moving so quickly?
00:01:16You only resigned a couple of days ago.
00:01:17You got the history chair at Stanford.
00:01:20I wish.
00:01:21Well, taquitos, chicken wings, roasty toasties, and beer.
00:01:25If we'd had more time, we'd have done something a little more grandiose.
00:01:29Candlelight dinner at McDonald's.
00:01:31Strippers.
00:01:33Taquitos are fine.
00:01:36Art's gonna be alone, too.
00:01:38He's talking to a student.
00:01:40Has George taken over for you?
00:01:42George or Trimble?
00:01:43Has the dean made up his mind?
00:01:44He hasn't called.
00:01:45My God.
00:01:47What is this?
00:01:48It looks like a Van Gogh, but I've never seen it before.
00:01:51Is that an original, John?
00:01:52No, it's just a gift someone gave me.
00:01:54Still, it's a superb copy.
00:01:57Contemporaneous, I think.
00:01:58May I take a closer look?
00:02:00Please, yeah.
00:02:04Yeah, it's the same stretcher as Van Gogh used.
00:02:06Yeah, there's writing on the back.
00:02:08It's in French.
00:02:09Oh, to my friend Jacques Bourne.
00:02:11I wonder who that was.
00:02:13Someone who knew, I guess.
00:02:14Brilliant deduction, Sherlock.
00:02:16Surely you'll have this looked at, appraised.
00:02:19Well, maybe sometime, but I, uh, wouldn't really want money for it.
00:02:25That does it.
00:02:28Put that stuff in the kitchen.
00:02:30No, I'm going to put it in the bathroom, John.
00:02:33Gas is off.
00:02:34Electricity's on.
00:02:37It comes for what you can.
00:02:38The furniture's going this afternoon.
00:02:40It's been years since I sat on the floor.
00:02:44I can't remember her name.
00:02:46That's good for the back.
00:02:47Can we do yoga exercises?
00:02:49Tantric yoga we can.
00:02:52So you're leaving good old, we teach you.
00:02:55Rather suddenly, you must admit.
00:02:58True time, John.
00:03:00Is there a problem?
00:03:01No.
00:03:03Oh, come on.
00:03:04You know we want to help.
00:03:05It's appreciated, but really, there's no problem.
00:03:09Well, now I am curious.
00:03:11Where are you going?
00:03:12You have enough tenure.
00:03:13A decade of professorship?
00:03:15In line to chair the department?
00:03:18And you don't know where you're going?
00:03:20You call it cabin fever.
00:03:22After a while, I get itchy feet.
00:03:24I've done this before.
00:03:26No, no, no, no.
00:03:27You're too young to have done this before.
00:03:29And he hasn't aged a day in ten years.
00:03:31Every woman on the faculty would give anything to have that secret.
00:03:35Is that what they're after, Edith?
00:03:37Oh, stop, Harry.
00:03:41Whoa, can you pull this?
00:03:44What the hell?
00:03:46What are you hunting?
00:03:47Deer, mostly.
00:03:49Brown big bear.
00:03:50Bone arrow?
00:03:51Most people can't bag a deer for raffling the telescopic side.
00:03:56Oh, good eating.
00:03:57The best.
00:03:57Wild game.
00:03:58Lives naturally, eats naturally.
00:04:00Oh, it's beautiful.
00:04:04All right.
00:04:10So, do I get an A for awesome?
00:04:13Oh, my gosh.
00:04:15That was fun.
00:04:17Hey, John.
00:04:18You know, Linda, you had her last semester.
00:04:21I am.
00:04:22She's one of my victims.
00:04:23Now I'm taking her home.
00:04:24She wanted to come by and say hello, goodbye.
00:04:26Is art as tough as I hear?
00:04:27Oh, archaeology's tough.
00:04:28Dr. Jenkins is a fine teacher.
00:04:31Oh, it's very politic.
00:04:33It's very true.
00:04:34Huh?
00:04:35Something for you to read on the road, pal.
00:04:36Shadows of the Cave are parallels to early man Arthur M. Jenkins.
00:04:41Publish or perish?
00:04:42I'd rather read than write another one.
00:04:46Hi.
00:04:48Oh, everybody, this is Linda.
00:04:50Linda, this is everybody.
00:04:52Linda.
00:04:53Hi.
00:04:56So, where are you going, John, like we give a damn?
00:04:59We've already covered that.
00:05:01John's got itchy feet.
00:05:02There are over-the-counter remedies for that, John.
00:05:08So there is a problem.
00:05:09No.
00:05:11I'd just like to move on now and then.
00:05:13It's a personal thing.
00:05:16Well, not to pry.
00:05:26I'm sorry.
00:05:26I don't have more to offer you.
00:05:28Got conversations and seats for your behinds.
00:05:31And, uh...
00:05:36Is he ducking out on us again?
00:05:40I do have this.
00:05:42Oh, ho, ho!
00:05:44Johnny Walker Green!
00:05:46Ha, ha, ha!
00:05:48I didn't even know they made it in green.
00:05:49What do they pay you?
00:05:50Nothing's too good for my friends.
00:05:52But I'm sorry we are down to plastic cups now.
00:05:55That's a sacrilege I'll tolerate.
00:05:57I will do the honors.
00:05:59Oh, come to Papa.
00:06:00Ha, ha, ha, ha!
00:06:02Woo!
00:06:03Here, cups, cups.
00:06:04Here we go.
00:06:04Step on in here.
00:06:05All right, there you go.
00:06:07On your birthday, boy.
00:06:08Here we go.
00:06:08Excuse me.
00:06:09Art!
00:06:09Not enough for me.
00:06:10All right, no.
00:06:11Oh, no, I don't drink.
00:06:12We're not going to card you, darling.
00:06:14All right, here.
00:06:15Join the circle at least.
00:06:15Come on.
00:06:17Well, uh, long life and good fortune to our esteemed friend and colleague, John Ullman.
00:06:24May find undeserved bliss wherever he goes.
00:06:27You're here.
00:06:28Let's go.
00:06:29Nice to go, John.
00:06:30Nice to have you, John.
00:06:38Oh, that's good.
00:06:39Excuse me.
00:06:43John, we're all sorry to see you go.
00:06:46Truly.
00:06:50Okay.
00:06:51Now we're done with that.
00:06:52What do we do for the rest of the afternoon?
00:06:54Anyone got a good topic?
00:06:55Like this, maybe?
00:06:57Heh.
00:07:25What is that?
00:07:27Very nice specimen.
00:07:28Okay.
00:07:28What's a Magdalenian?
00:07:30A later Cro-Magnon, without getting technical.
00:07:33It's the final culture of the Upper Paleolithic.
00:07:36Stones can speak, eh?
00:07:37I got a ton.
00:07:38So, where'd you get that ton?
00:07:40Believe it or not, from a thrift shop.
00:07:41A quarter.
00:07:42You lucky dog.
00:07:44Me, I gotta go digging for this kind of stuff.
00:07:46Can I, uh...
00:07:48Yeah.
00:07:59Maybe...
00:07:59I'm glad you did this.
00:08:02Did what?
00:08:03You mean, come over?
00:08:05Maybe?
00:08:06Definitely.
00:08:07Gee, thanks.
00:08:08Well, so are we.
00:08:10So are we.
00:08:11We couldn't let you just run off.
00:08:13Thanks.
00:08:17John, what is up?
00:08:18Huh?
00:08:19Are you on America's Most Wanted?
00:08:20We won't turn you in.
00:08:21Yeah, come on.
00:08:22Out with it.
00:08:23You're among friends.
00:08:24Snoopy, friends.
00:08:25Forget it.
00:08:26You are creating the mystery here.
00:08:28Obviously, you have something you'd like to say.
00:08:29Say it.
00:08:32Well, maybe I...
00:08:34Ten, nine, eight, seven...
00:08:36Harry, stop.
00:08:38There is something I'm tempted to tell you, I think.
00:08:41I've never done this before, and I wonder how it would pan out.
00:08:48I wonder if I could ask you a silly question.
00:08:50Well, John, we're teachers.
00:08:51We answer silly questions all the time.
00:08:53Hey!
00:08:55What if a man from the Upper Paleolithic survived until the present day?
00:09:00What do you mean, survived?
00:09:02Never died?
00:09:03Yes.
00:09:04What would he be like?
00:09:05Oh, I know some guys.
00:09:06You ever been to the Ozarks?
00:09:08It's an interesting idea.
00:09:10What are you, working on a science fiction story?
00:09:13Say I am.
00:09:14What would he be like?
00:09:15Pretty tired.
00:09:19Well, seriously, as Art's book title suggests, he might be like any of us.
00:09:24Dan, a caveman?
00:09:26Well, there's no anatomical difference between, say, a croak magnet and us.
00:09:29Except that as a rule, we've grown taller.
00:09:32What's the selective advantage of height?
00:09:34Better to see predators in tall grass, my dear.
00:09:37Naturally tall and skinny, he radiates heat more effectively in warmer climates.
00:09:42And as for Neanderthals, I mean, we've all seen apish people.
00:09:45I mean, that's strange still with us.
00:09:46But he'd be a caveman.
00:09:48No, he wouldn't.
00:09:49John's hypothetical man would have lived through 140 centuries.
00:09:53Yeah, roughly.
00:09:53And changed with every one of them.
00:09:56I mean, assuming normal intelligence.
00:09:58Well, we think men of the Upper Paleolithic were as intelligent as we are.
00:10:03They just didn't know as much.
00:10:05John's man would have learned as the race learned.
00:10:07In fact, if he had an inquiring mind, his knowledge might be astonishing.
00:10:13If you do write that, let me have a look at it.
00:10:16I'm sure you'll make some anthropological boners.
00:10:19It's a deal.
00:10:20What would keep him alive?
00:10:21What does the biologist say?
00:10:24Cigarettes and ice cream.
00:10:27All right, all right, I'll play.
00:10:28I'll play.
00:10:29All right.
00:10:31In science fiction terms, I would say perfect regeneration of the body's cells,
00:10:40especially in the vital organs.
00:10:42Actually, the human body appears designed to live about 190 years.
00:10:46Most of us just die of slow poisoning.
00:10:50Maybe he did something right.
00:10:51Something everybody else in history done wrong.
00:10:54What, like eat the food, drink the water, and breathe the air?
00:10:59Prior to modern times, those were pristine.
00:11:02We've extended our lifespan in a world that's not fit to live in.
00:11:08You know what could happen?
00:11:09Yeah, the pancreas turns over cells every 24 hours, the stomach lining in three days,
00:11:13the entire body in seven years.
00:11:15But the process falters.
00:11:17Waste accumulates, eventually proves fatal to function.
00:11:20Now, if a quirk in his immune system led to perfect detox, perfect renewal,
00:11:25then yeah, he could duck decay.
00:11:29That's a secret we'd all love to have.
00:11:31Would you really want to do that?
00:11:34Live 14,000 years?
00:11:36Well, if I could stay healthy and I didn't age, I mean, why not?
00:11:40Yeah.
00:11:40What a chance to learn.
00:11:43Is anyone hungry?
00:11:44Yeah.
00:11:45Hey, you know, the more I think about it, yeah, it's possible.
00:11:48Anything is possible, right?
00:11:49After all, one century's magic, another century's science.
00:11:53They thought Columbus was a nut job, right?
00:11:55Pasteur, Copernicus?
00:11:56Aristarchus long before that.
00:11:57Right.
00:11:59I had a chance to sail with Columbus, only I'm not the adventurous type.
00:12:03What?
00:12:04I was pretty sure the Earth was round, but it...
00:12:08At that point, I still thought he might fall off an edge someplace.
00:12:21Look around, John.
00:12:24We just did.
00:12:26I suppose there's a joke in there somewhere, but I don't get it.
00:12:30It's nothing to get.
00:12:31What are we talking about?
00:12:33We were just talking about a caveman who survives until the present time.
00:12:37As you said, what a chance to learn once I learned to learn.
00:12:42Could you start the whiskey before we got here?
00:12:47Pretend it's science fiction.
00:12:50Figure it out.
00:12:52Okay.
00:12:53A very old Cro-Magnon living until the present.
00:13:00Oh, wow!
00:13:06What?
00:13:08John just confided in that he's 14,000 years old.
00:13:11Oh, John, you don't look a day over 900.
00:13:15Okay.
00:13:16All right, Spock, I'll play your little game.
00:13:18What do you want?
00:13:19What's the punchline?
00:13:20Every 10 years or so, when people start to notice I don't age, I move on.
00:13:28That's very good.
00:13:29That's very quick, John.
00:13:30I want to read that story when you're done.
00:13:32You want more?
00:13:33Oh, yeah, by all means.
00:13:34This is great.
00:13:36All right, now.
00:13:37So you think that you are a Cro-Magnon.
00:13:42Well, I didn't learn it in school.
00:13:43It's my best guess.
00:13:45Based on archaeological data, maps, anthropological research.
00:13:49Since Mesopotamia, I've got the last 4,000 years straight.
00:13:54Well, you're ahead of most people, so please go on.
00:13:57Well, you know the background stuff, so I'll make it brief.
00:14:00What I call my first lifetime, I aged to about 35.
00:14:04What you see, I ended up leading my group.
00:14:08They saw me as magical.
00:14:10I didn't even have to fight for it.
00:14:12Then fear came, and they chased me away.
00:14:16They thought that I was stealing their lives away to stay young.
00:14:20The prehistoric origin of the vampire myth, that is good.
00:14:23First 1,000 years, I didn't know up from sideways.
00:14:27How do you know the first 1,000 years?
00:14:29I'm informed guess, based on what I've learned in my memories.
00:14:32Most people can scarcely remember their childhood, but you have memories of that time.
00:14:36Like yours, selected.
00:14:38You know, the high points, the low points, traumas, they stick in the mind forever.
00:14:43Put down at 3 or 35, you still feel the twinge.
00:14:49Go on.
00:14:50I kept getting chased because I wouldn't die.
00:14:53So I got the hang of joining new groups, I found.
00:14:57I also got the idea of periodically moving on.
00:15:01We were semi-nomadic, of course, following the weather and the game we hunted.
00:15:05The first 2,000 years were cold.
00:15:08We learned it was warmer at lower elevations.
00:15:11Late glacial period, I assume.
00:15:14What was the terrain line?
00:15:17Mountainous.
00:15:19Vast plains to the west.
00:15:22West.
00:15:23But something you learned in school.
00:15:25Towards the setting sun.
00:15:27I suspect I saw the British Isles from what is now the French coast.
00:15:33Huge mountains.
00:15:34On the other side of an enormous deep valley that was shadowed by the setting sun.
00:15:39This is before they were separated from the continent by rising seas, as glaciers melted.
00:15:44That happened?
00:15:46Yes, the other the place to sin.
00:15:48So far what he says fits.
00:15:51Oh, yeah.
00:15:51Into any textbook.
00:15:53And that's where I found it.
00:15:54How can I have knowledgeable recall if I didn't have knowledge?
00:15:58It's all retrospective.
00:16:00All I can do is integrate my recollections with modern findings.
00:16:05Caveman.
00:16:06You gonna hit me over the head with the club and drag me into the bedroom?
00:16:09You'd be more fun conscious.
00:16:10Oh, John.
00:16:12Let me get this straight.
00:16:12Now, we're not talking about reincarnation.
00:16:15You're not saying that you remember whatever the hell it would be, 200 separate lifetimes.
00:16:19Dying and being born again, yada yada.
00:16:22One lifetime.
00:16:24Some lifetime.
00:16:26Wow.
00:16:27Well, maybe there is something to this reincarnation thing.
00:16:30You're supposed to come back again and again, learn and learn, and somehow, John, you just
00:16:34managed to bypass all the other bodies.
00:16:37Well, what's the point?
00:16:41What about oceans?
00:16:43Didn't see them until much later.
00:16:45So how would you know an ocean from a lake?
00:16:47Big waves.
00:16:49Something else I can only surmise in retrospect.
00:16:52Were you curious about where it all came from?
00:16:55We would look up at the sky and wonder.
00:16:57There's got to be some big guys up there.
00:17:00And what else made all this down here?
00:17:02At first, I thought there was something wrong with me.
00:17:05Maybe I was a bad guy for not dying.
00:17:09Then I began to wonder if I was cursed or perhaps blessed.
00:17:15And I thought maybe I had a mission.
00:17:19Do you still think you do?
00:17:20God works in mysterious ways.
00:17:22I think it just happened.
00:17:32Hello?
00:17:34Hello?
00:17:36Hello?
00:17:37Yes, Ellie.
00:17:38What's wrong?
00:17:40Sandy?
00:17:42Coming!
00:17:46Yeah?
00:17:47Do we have Ellie's midterm here?
00:17:49Oh.
00:17:51Yeah, sorry. I picked it up with the periodicals.
00:17:55Got it.
00:17:56No, you're worried about your parents? Don't worry.
00:17:59You passed. C plus.
00:18:01Take care of yourself.
00:18:03Good kid.
00:18:04What does pre-med need with history?
00:18:06Got it.
00:18:11Sorry, guys.
00:18:12John, please continue.
00:18:14Come on, I thought we were done with that.
00:18:15No. Let's go on with it.
00:18:18It's interesting. Besides, I think he's
00:18:21making a certain amount of sense.
00:18:22Like Hegel, logic from absurd premises.
00:18:25Let Van Gogh.
00:18:26Well, he gave it to me.
00:18:28I was Jacques Bourne at the time.
00:18:31A pig farmer.
00:18:32A pig farmer?
00:18:35I like to work with my hens.
00:18:37He would come out to the place, paint, and we talked about capturing nature and art.
00:18:41Turner, Suzanne, Pizarro.
00:18:44Oh, then all the landscapes.
00:18:46Not in Van Gogh's time.
00:18:47He would have loved them, though.
00:18:49Yes.
00:18:50Well, I don't understand why you can't remember where you're from.
00:18:54Geography hasn't changed.
00:18:55I learned that in Professor Henry.
00:18:57Professor Henson's tepid lectures.
00:18:59But you're right.
00:19:00Where did you live when you were five years old?
00:19:03Little Rock.
00:19:04Your mother, she took you to the market?
00:19:05Mm-hmm.
00:19:06What direction was it from your house?
00:19:09I don't know.
00:19:10How far?
00:19:11Um, three blocks.
00:19:13Were there any references that stuck in your mind?
00:19:15Well, there was a gas station and a big field.
00:19:18I was told I could never go there alone.
00:19:21And if you went back there today, would it be the same?
00:19:24No.
00:19:25I'm sure it's all different and built up.
00:19:27Plus the saying, you can't go home again because it isn't there anymore.
00:19:31Picture it on my scale.
00:19:33I migrated through an endless flat space full of endless new things.
00:19:39Forests, mountains, tundra, canyons.
00:19:43My memory sees what I saw then.
00:19:46My eye sees freeways, urban sprawl, Big Macs under the Eiffel Tower.
00:19:53Early on, the world got bigger and bigger and then...
00:19:59Think what I've had to unlearn.
00:20:00And now you're moving on.
00:20:02As Edith said, this talk of my not aging.
00:20:05When that happens, I move on.
00:20:08Well, it might make sense to set up your next identity.
00:20:11Your next ten years and then just drop into it.
00:20:15I've done that a few times.
00:20:16Even passed as my own son.
00:20:18Oh, you're an engineer too.
00:20:20You're Ben's son.
00:20:21He was a good man.
00:20:23Saves trouble with credentials and references.
00:20:25On the other hand, I've been busted a few times.
00:20:28It's been a year in jail.
00:20:30Belgium, 1862.
00:20:31I won't forget that.
00:20:32For faking a government application.
00:20:35When did you come to America?
00:20:371890, right after Van Gogh's death,
00:20:39with some French immigrants.
00:20:41It's moving on.
00:20:46An answer for every question.
00:20:48Except one, John.
00:20:50Why are you doing this?
00:20:54A whim.
00:20:55Maybe not such a good idea.
00:20:57I wanted to say goodbye to you as me.
00:21:01Not what you thought I was.
00:21:03Well, since this isn't funny, we think you might have a problem.
00:21:07A very serious problem.
00:21:10I've got boxes to move.
00:21:12I'll give you a hand.
00:21:15Would you have some relic, an artifact, a reminder of your early life?
00:21:22Like this, maybe.
00:21:24Thrift shop?
00:21:26Really?
00:21:29If you lived a hundred, a thousand years, would you still have this?
00:21:35What would cause you to keep it?
00:21:37As a memento to your beginnings, even if you didn't have the concept of beginnings?
00:21:41It would be gone.
00:21:44Lost.
00:21:46No.
00:21:47I don't have artifacts.
00:21:51Keep that.
00:21:55Interesting.
00:21:57You could have lied about that.
00:21:59Don't talk about me while I'm gone.
00:22:10Is he serious?
00:22:12If he is, I'm sorry to say, he's...
00:22:15Well, how could he have concealed that for ten years?
00:22:18At least he doesn't appear to be dangerous.
00:22:22What are you doing?
00:22:24Checking for a hidden mic.
00:22:26Candid camera.
00:22:29He's fabricating these wild stories.
00:22:31I've never seen him acting like this.
00:22:33Oh, it's crazy.
00:22:35All right.
00:22:36All right.
00:22:36Well, as soon as you can then.
00:22:45I love you, you know.
00:22:48I know.
00:22:51Since my first week at the office.
00:22:58And?
00:23:00I care very much about you.
00:23:02But now you know what you'd be getting into.
00:23:05Do you really think you're a caveman?
00:23:07Do you?
00:23:08Do you?
00:23:14Could you love me?
00:23:16Why don't you believe in that anymore?
00:23:19I've gotten over it too many times.
00:23:23Fond of you.
00:23:27Certainly attracted to you.
00:23:31That's it?
00:23:32That's it?
00:23:36I can work with that.
00:23:40If what I'm saying is true, you and any children will age, I won't.
00:23:47And one day I'll leave.
00:23:49Talk about your main December romances.
00:23:52The simple fact is I can't give you forever.
00:23:57How long is forever?
00:24:00Who ever really has it?
00:24:06My parents split up before I was born.
00:24:10Then my mom's next marriage lasted, what, a whole three years?
00:24:15Then there's death, illness, acts of God.
00:24:20No one knows how long they have.
00:24:24Or how little.
00:24:29I love you.
00:24:33Take whatever you can get.
00:24:37Like ten years?
00:24:45Ah!
00:24:46Ah!
00:24:46Ah!
00:24:50Why did you do that?
00:24:52I wanted to see how fast you were.
00:24:54Check your reflexes.
00:24:55I don't have eyes in the back of my head.
00:24:57I can't hear a flea walking.
00:24:58I am not in any way Superman.
00:25:00Yeah.
00:25:01Well, I'm a second degree black belt.
00:25:03Give it another thousand years.
00:25:07I got it, I got it, I got it.
00:25:10Jesus.
00:25:11Move demonstration, Harry.
00:25:12Sit on it, Dan.
00:25:16I still have questions.
00:25:17Yeah, I do too, John.
00:25:19I mean, are we done with prehistory yet?
00:25:22Remember any of your original language?
00:25:25A little.
00:25:25One thing hasn't changed much.
00:25:31Did you ever do any cave art?
00:25:33Do you know the rock art at Lézé-Z?
00:25:35Mm-hmm.
00:25:36It was the work of a man named...
00:25:40Gurol.
00:25:41He did a pretty good job.
00:25:43He would draw the animals that we hoped to find to eat.
00:25:48One day after a fruitless hunt, our chief stomped his teeth out because his magic had failed him.
00:25:55After that, someone had to chew his food for him.
00:25:57Finally, he got a suspect, an infected jaw.
00:26:01He was abandoned.
00:26:03That's awful.
00:26:05You have to know what to kill.
00:26:07Is this why all your students say your knowledge of history is so amazing?
00:26:12No, that's mostly based on study.
00:26:14Remember, it's one man, one place at a time.
00:26:18My solitary viewpoint of a world I knew almost nothing about.
00:26:23Well, let's talk about what you say you do know about.
00:26:27Historical times.
00:26:28Don't encourage him.
00:26:29Need it.
00:26:31Next few thousand years, it got warmer.
00:26:33A few thousand years?
00:26:35See, now, I know you're guessing.
00:26:38You can't get there from here, Art.
00:26:40Well then, pray continue.
00:26:43We hunted reindeer, mammoths.
00:26:45Bison, horses.
00:26:48The game retreated northward as the climate changed.
00:26:50You got the idea of growing food rather than gathering it.
00:26:54Raising animals rather than hunting them.
00:26:56Am I getting warm here? I bet I am.
00:26:59Lakeside living becomes commonplace.
00:27:02Fishing, fouling. Come on!
00:27:05John, this is out of any textbook.
00:27:07Even yours. You got most of it right.
00:27:09I...
00:27:10Eventually I headed to the east.
00:27:12I had grown curious about the world.
00:27:15I had gotten the hang of going it alone.
00:27:17Learning how to fit in when I wanted to.
00:27:21East.
00:27:22Towards the rising sun.
00:27:24Yes.
00:27:25I thought it might be warmer there.
00:27:28That's when I saw an ocean.
00:27:32Mediterranean, probably.
00:27:35It was around the beginning of the Bronze Age.
00:27:37So I followed the trade routes from the east.
00:27:39Copper, tin.
00:27:41Learning languages as I went.
00:27:43Everywhere.
00:27:45Creation, myths.
00:27:47New gods.
00:27:48So many. So different.
00:27:50I finally realized that it was probably all hogwash.
00:27:55So I was Sumerian for 2,000 years.
00:27:58Then finally Babylonian.
00:27:59Under Hammurabi. Great man.
00:28:01And I sailed as a Phoenician for a time.
00:28:04Moving on had been easier as a hunter-gatherer.
00:28:09Difficult when villages emerged.
00:28:11Tougher still in city-states where authority was centralized.
00:28:15Strangers were suspect.
00:28:17It seemed as though I was always moving on.
00:28:20I learned some new tricks.
00:28:22Even faked my death a couple of times.
00:28:27I continued east.
00:28:29To India.
00:28:31Luckily at the time of the Buddha.
00:28:35Luckily.
00:28:38Most extraordinary man I've ever known.
00:28:41He taught me things I'd never thought about before.
00:28:44You studied with the Buddha?
00:28:47Until he died.
00:28:50He knew there was something different about me.
00:28:53I never told him.
00:28:55This is fascinating.
00:28:57I almost wish it were true.
00:29:01If it was true.
00:29:03Why are you telling us?
00:29:04I mean we might leave here today.
00:29:06We'll go out there and tell everybody.
00:29:07It would vanish in disbelief.
00:29:09A story that goes around the room.
00:29:12No credibility.
00:29:14Even if I could make you believe me.
00:29:17In a month you wouldn't.
00:29:20Some of you would call me a psychopath.
00:29:22Others would be angry at a pointless joke.
00:29:24Well John, some of us are angry now.
00:29:26This was a bad idea.
00:29:29I love you all and I do not want to put you through anything.
00:29:32Then why are you doing it?
00:29:35Because I wanted to say goodbye.
00:29:36As yourself.
00:29:37Well I think you've done that.
00:29:38Whoever that self is.
00:29:40Easy Edith.
00:29:41But just grading is homework.
00:29:42I see what's going on.
00:29:44You're playing the good cop Dan.
00:29:45That's fine.
00:29:46Just enjoy it.
00:29:47I think this whole thing is just a crock.
00:29:50I should leave but I'm going to stay.
00:29:51You know why?
00:29:52Because I want to see what the hell this is all about.
00:29:54Yeah so do I.
00:29:54What is this all about?
00:29:55Well let's ask Dr. Freud who's just arrived.
00:29:58Hey Will.
00:29:59Will.
00:30:01Hey.
00:30:03John.
00:30:05I'm glad I caught you.
00:30:06Someone mentioned that you were leaving today?
00:30:08Called you, told you that I've lost it.
00:30:09I'm glad you're here.
00:30:10Things are going in unexpected directions.
00:30:12Yeah so I hear.
00:30:14Hi.
00:30:15Are you hungry?
00:30:17Ah thank you now.
00:30:18Whiskey.
00:30:19Johnny Walker Green.
00:30:20Oh yes.
00:30:25You look very familiar my dear.
00:30:27Linda Murphy.
00:30:28I'm in your Tuesday Psych One class, Dr. Gruber.
00:30:31Ah.
00:30:31Well this lesson may be something I could not have imagined.
00:30:36I regret being so obvious about this John, but these people are all very concerned for you.
00:30:44Yes, I'm cutting out paper dinosaurs.
00:30:47I really wish I'd been here from the beginning.
00:30:50Me too.
00:30:51Let me just say something right now.
00:30:53I mean, there's absolutely no way in the whole world for John to prove his story to us.
00:30:58It's just like there's no way for us to disprove it.
00:31:01No matter how outrageous we think it is, no matter how highly trained some of us think we are, there's
00:31:07absolutely no way to disprove it.
00:31:08Our friend is either a caveman, a liar or a nut.
00:31:13So while we're thinking about that, why don't we just go with it?
00:31:18I mean hell, who knows, he might jolt us into believing him.
00:31:21Or we might jolt him back to reality.
00:31:23Believing?
00:31:24Who's reality?
00:31:26So, you're a caveman?
00:31:28Yes.
00:31:30I was a Cro-Magnon, I think.
00:31:33You don't know if you're a caveman or not?
00:31:35Well no, I'm sure about that.
00:31:36A Cro-Magnon then.
00:31:38When did you first realize this?
00:31:40When the Cro-Magnon was first identified.
00:31:43When anthropology gave them a name, I had mine.
00:31:46Well, please continue, I'm sure you must have more to say.
00:31:50Would you like for me to lie on the couch, Doctor?
00:31:52As you wish.
00:31:56As a physician, I'm curious.
00:31:59In this enormous lifetime you describe, have you ever been ill?
00:32:04Sure, as much as anyone.
00:32:05Seriously ill?
00:32:07Sometime.
00:32:09Of what?
00:32:10Do you know?
00:32:10In prehistory, I can't tell you.
00:32:12Maybe pneumonia once or twice.
00:32:16Last few hundred years, I've gotten over typhoid, yellow fever, smallpox.
00:32:22I survived with the black plague.
00:32:24Bubonic?
00:32:25Well, that's terrible.
00:32:27More so than history describes.
00:32:29And smallpox.
00:32:30But you're not scarred.
00:32:32I don't scar.
00:32:33No, John, that is not possible.
00:32:34Please, let's take John's story at face value and explore it from that perspective.
00:32:39If he doesn't scar, it's no stranger than the rest of it.
00:32:42John, would you please stop by my lab before you take off, suffer a few tests from your friendly neighborhood
00:32:47biologist.
00:32:48I'm leery of labs.
00:32:50Afraid I might go in and stay for a thousand years while cigarette-smoking men try to figure me out.
00:32:54You don't think that I would betray you in any way?
00:32:56No, walls have ears.
00:32:57Medical tests might be a way of proving what you say.
00:33:00I don't want to prove it.
00:33:02So you're telling us this, the yarn of the century, and you don't care if we believe it or not.
00:33:05I guess I shouldn't have expected you to.
00:33:07You're not as crazy as you think I am.
00:33:09Amen.
00:33:10I've always liked you.
00:33:12Well, thank you, dear.
00:33:13Well, that's changing.
00:33:14Surely you don't believe this nonsense.
00:33:16I think we should remain courteous to someone who we've known and trusted, Edith.
00:33:19Here you sit.
00:33:20You can't break his story.
00:33:23All you can do is thumb your nose at it.
00:33:25Is that what you're doing, John?
00:33:27Are you laughing at us inside?
00:33:29I wish you didn't feel that way.
00:33:30Well, what you're saying, it offends common sense.
00:33:33So does relativity.
00:33:34Quantum mechanics.
00:33:36That's the way nature works.
00:33:38But your story doesn't fit into nature as we know it.
00:33:42But we know so little, Dan.
00:33:44We know so little.
00:33:45I mean, how many of you know five geniuses in your field that you disagree with?
00:33:49One you would like to strangle.
00:33:52Strangle them all.
00:33:53You know it, Dan.
00:33:53And it's bad enough we have to listen to Harry's idiotic jokes.
00:33:56Thank you very much, Edith.
00:33:57Maybe when I'm 110, I'll be as smart as you are.
00:33:59If you lived as long as John did, you still wouldn't grow up.
00:34:02Oh, come on, guys.
00:34:03Take it easy.
00:34:04How often do we get to meet someone who says he's a Stone Age man?
00:34:09He wants us enough.
00:34:12Edith.
00:34:13All right, a guy with your mind, you would have studied a great deal.
00:34:17I have ten degrees, including all of yours.
00:34:21Except yours, Will.
00:34:23That makes me feel a trifle Lilliputian.
00:34:25That's over the span of 170 years.
00:34:28I got my biology degree at Oxford in 1840.
00:34:31So I'm a little behind the times.
00:34:33The same in other areas.
00:34:34I can't keep up with the new stuff that comes along.
00:34:37No one can.
00:34:37Not even in their specialty.
00:34:39So much for the myth of the super-wise, all-knowing immortal.
00:34:42I see your point, John.
00:34:45No matter how long a man lives, he can't be in advance of his times.
00:34:48He can't know more than the best of the race knows.
00:34:51If that.
00:34:52I mean, when the world learned it was round, you learned it.
00:34:56It took some time.
00:34:57News traveled slowly.
00:34:58More communications were fancy.
00:35:00There were social obstacles, preconceptions, screams from the church.
00:35:06Ten doctorates.
00:35:07That's impressive, John.
00:35:08Did you teach them?
00:35:09Some.
00:35:10You might have all done the same.
00:35:13Living 14,000 years didn't make me a genius.
00:35:15I just had time.
00:35:18Time.
00:35:19We can't see it.
00:35:20We can't hear it.
00:35:21We can't weigh it.
00:35:22We can't measure it in a laboratory.
00:35:24It's a subjective sense of becoming what we are.
00:35:29Instead of what we were a nanosecond ago, becoming what we will be in another nanosecond.
00:35:34The whole BC Times landscape existing before and behind us, and we move through it, slice by slice.
00:35:43Clocks measure time.
00:35:44No, they measure themselves.
00:35:46The objective referent of a clock is another clock.
00:35:48Very interesting.
00:35:49What has it got to do with John?
00:35:50He might be a man who lives outside of time as we know it.
00:36:00Yes, uh, well, people do go around armed these days.
00:36:05If I shot you, John, you're immortal.
00:36:09Would you survive this?
00:36:11I never said I was immortal.
00:36:12Just old.
00:36:13I might die.
00:36:15And then you could wander the rest of your incarcerated life what you shot.
00:36:20Oh, uh, may I?
00:36:25Preferable to a gun.
00:36:27Well, that was a bit much.
00:36:30Ooh.
00:36:31Books?
00:36:33Doctorates?
00:36:35Yes, you have grown and changed.
00:36:38But there is always innate nature.
00:36:42Wouldn't you be more comfortable squatting in the backyard?
00:36:44Sometimes I do, Will.
00:36:46Look up at the stars.
00:36:48Wonder.
00:36:48And what did primitive man make of them?
00:36:51A great mystery.
00:36:53There were gods up there.
00:36:56Shamans who knew about them told us.
00:36:58They still do.
00:37:00Have you ever wished it would end?
00:37:05No.
00:37:0614,000 years.
00:37:08Injuries, illness, disasters.
00:37:11You've survived them all.
00:37:14You're a very lucky man.
00:37:22Come in.
00:37:26John Oldman?
00:37:27Yes.
00:37:28Charity now.
00:37:29We're here to pick up the furniture.
00:37:30It's all yours.
00:37:32Here, take this chair.
00:37:33I'm gonna go drink in the corner.
00:37:37You're, uh...
00:37:38You're donating it?
00:37:40Everything?
00:37:41I'll get more.
00:37:42He always traveled his life.
00:37:43It's the only way to move.
00:37:49You've talked a good deal about your extraordinary amount of living.
00:37:54What do you think of dying, John?
00:37:56Do you fear death?
00:37:58Who wouldn't?
00:37:59How did primitive man regard death?
00:38:02Well, we had the practical concept.
00:38:04Stopped.
00:38:05Fell down.
00:38:06Didn't get up.
00:38:07Started to smell bad.
00:38:09Come apart.
00:38:10Injuries we...
00:38:11We could understand if someone's insides were all over the ground.
00:38:15Infections.
00:38:17They were, uh...
00:38:19Mysterious.
00:38:21Aging.
00:38:23Biggest mystery of all.
00:38:24You realize you were different.
00:38:27Longer to realize how I was different.
00:38:29To find a way to synthesize my experience into a view of myself.
00:38:34At first I thought everybody had something wrong with them.
00:38:38They got old.
00:38:39They died.
00:38:40Animals too.
00:38:42But not me.
00:38:46Oh, uh...
00:38:47Forgive me my dear.
00:38:49You live simply.
00:38:50I've owned castles but...
00:38:52You might leave a lot if you're always leaving.
00:38:54I have money.
00:38:55What, did you get into AT&T at 50 cents, John?
00:39:00As one grows older, the days, weeks, months go by more quickly.
00:39:07What does a day, or a year, or a century mean to you?
00:39:13The birth-death cycle?
00:39:16Turbulence.
00:39:17I meet someone.
00:39:19Run a name, say a word, they're gone.
00:39:22Others come like...
00:39:24Waves.
00:39:24Rise.
00:39:25Fall.
00:39:28Ripples in a wheat field blown by the wind.
00:39:30You ever get tired of it all?
00:39:32I get bored now and then.
00:39:34They keep making the same stupid mistakes.
00:39:37Over and over.
00:39:38They?
00:39:39Then you see yourself as separate from the rest of humanity.
00:39:44I didn't mean it that way.
00:39:47But of course...
00:39:50I am.
00:39:52Are you comfortable knowing that you have lived while...
00:39:56Everyone you knew, everyone you knew, John, has died?
00:40:00I've regretted losing people.
00:40:02Often.
00:40:03Have you ever felt guilt about that?
00:40:05Something akin to survivor's guilt?
00:40:08In a strict psychological sense?
00:40:10I suppose I have.
00:40:11Yeah.
00:40:14Well, what can I do about it?
00:40:18Indeed.
00:40:20I'm sorry, man.
00:40:22Gentlemen, I...
00:40:23I'm gonna keep the couch.
00:40:25Thanks.
00:40:26Ladies?
00:40:27Will?
00:40:27Oh, no.
00:40:28You've got a heart condition, don't grump about it.
00:40:31Hey, how about changing the subject?
00:40:32Will, enough with the, uh...
00:40:34But this is the flip side of his coin, Harry.
00:40:38I'm very curious to know his feelings.
00:40:41Would you prefer I asked him about his father?
00:40:43I thought you always started with, tell me about your mother.
00:40:46Yes, but prehistory was strongly patriarchal.
00:40:50Surely you remember your father.
00:40:52I seem to remember a figure.
00:40:56Perhaps an older brother, a social father, maybe.
00:40:59Well, no matter.
00:41:00I could scarcely remember mine.
00:41:04Do you feel a vacancy in your life about that, John?
00:41:09Something you wish could be filled by a face, a voice, an image?
00:41:16Not at this late date.
00:41:18There must be someone, probably many, that you valued intensely.
00:41:22Loved.
00:41:23You saw them age and die.
00:41:26A friend, a colleague, a wife.
00:41:31Certainly you've had wives and children.
00:41:34I'd move on.
00:41:35I had to move on.
00:41:37Making him history's biggest bigamist.
00:41:40Have you ever in your life thought it should have been me?
00:41:47Maybe.
00:41:48Your art has told me that some of your early fellows feared you were stealing their lives?
00:41:54Have you thought that perhaps you were?
00:41:57Perhaps you are.
00:41:58There have always been legends of such a thing.
00:42:01A creature, not quite human.
00:42:04Taking not the blood, but the life force itself.
00:42:08My God, Will.
00:42:10Unconsciously, perhaps?
00:42:11By some biological or psychic mechanism that we can only guess at?
00:42:18I'm not saying you would do such a thing deliberately.
00:42:20I'm not saying that you would even know how to.
00:42:24Would you?
00:42:27But would such a thing be fair?
00:42:29So you believe me, then?
00:42:30I'm only exploring what you have said.
00:42:34Whether I believe it or not is of no importance.
00:42:38We will die.
00:42:40You will live.
00:42:42Will you come to my funeral, John?
00:42:44It will.
00:42:45You've gone too far.
00:42:47John didn't ask to be what he is.
00:42:49And we did not ask to hear about it.
00:42:52But if it were true, is there one among us who would not feel envy?
00:42:57Even perhaps a touch of hatred?
00:43:00You told us of yourself, John.
00:43:03Can you imagine how we feel?
00:43:05I never thought of that.
00:43:06Since you may not die, while me most assuredly will,
00:43:12there must be a reason for that, no?
00:43:14Perhaps you are an expert.
00:43:17Uh, that's it, Mr. Oldman. Have a good one.
00:43:20Thank you. You too.
00:43:25Or are you a vampire, John?
00:43:28Even an unknowing one?
00:43:31Do you stand alive and tall in a graveyard that you helped to fill?
00:43:35That's going too far.
00:43:36Bored.
00:43:37Perhaps lonely because your heart cannot keep its treasures.
00:43:42Is that what you're doing?
00:43:43What do you think?
00:43:45Have you led a wrongful life?
00:43:48Well, then, perhaps, it is time to die.
00:43:54Oh, wait a minute, now.
00:43:56Now, look, I don't know what John is doing,
00:43:58but I sure as hell don't like what you're doing.
00:44:00Now, you give me that gun or I'm gonna break your goddamn arm.
00:44:03You sound like our football coach, Dan.
00:44:06What do you think, John?
00:44:08A shot to the arm?
00:44:10Perhaps we can watch it heal.
00:44:13A bullet in the head.
00:44:15What exactly will happen?
00:44:23I have papers to correct.
00:44:25As much as I dislike that job,
00:44:28it will be preferable to this.
00:44:32I leave you with it.
00:44:37Jesus Christ.
00:44:40What the hell was that all about?
00:44:41Where'd he get a gun?
00:44:43How do you own the ropes, John?
00:44:44You're really so damn smart?
00:44:46It's not like Will.
00:44:49Mary passed away yesterday.
00:44:54Who?
00:44:56His wife.
00:44:58She had pancreatic cancer.
00:45:02Will.
00:45:04I didn't know about Mary.
00:45:06I'm sorry. I can see how this might have hit you.
00:45:10Please.
00:45:11Permit me to be infantile by myself.
00:45:14Will.
00:45:15Please.
00:45:33What the hell were you thinking, Art?
00:45:34Oh, come on. Something had to be done?
00:45:36I have to say I agree.
00:45:38Man, he's our friend.
00:45:40Whatever else on earth is going on, he's our friend.
00:45:42You sure about that?
00:45:43Why the hell are you being so hard on him, Edith?
00:45:45One of my favorite people has disappeared.
00:45:49Can you get Alzheimer's at 35?
00:45:52Maybe I'm trying to wake him up.
00:45:56Maybe I'm too sad to cry.
00:46:02What I said about myself hurt him.
00:46:05He struck back.
00:46:07Expertly.
00:46:08That stuff about stealing life forces.
00:46:11I've always wondered about the reasons.
00:46:21Well, still have an afternoon to kill, right?
00:46:26Charades?
00:46:30No, John.
00:46:31I have a charade and it's just for you, alright?
00:46:34Sandy, come here.
00:46:35No, come on, come on, come on.
00:46:37Okay, this one's for you, alright?
00:46:39Ready?
00:46:42Mmm.
00:46:43Mmm.
00:46:47Mmm.
00:46:48Mmm.
00:46:51Mmm.
00:46:54Mmm.
00:46:55My first wedding?
00:46:56There you go, there you go.
00:47:00Very good, and I bet at least one of us is your direct descendant.
00:47:03Yeah, I'd even send a Christmas card.
00:47:05Christmas card? What about a birthday card?
00:47:07And don't even get me started on the candles?
00:47:09With the blowing and the...
00:47:11For years with the blowing.
00:47:15Yeah, alright, I tried.
00:47:18Well, uh, call me underdeveloped, but...
00:47:21I'd like to hear more.
00:47:25Me too.
00:47:27More.
00:47:28Do you double damn swear this isn't some cockamamie science fiction story or, uh, you're pulling on us?
00:47:34Next question.
00:47:36You, you, you realize this is an invitation to men in white suits with happy pills?
00:47:41Well, think about it, a mechanism allowing survival for thousands of years?
00:47:46Run out of room even faster.
00:47:48Well, then we'd have to go to Mars as a colony, as we expand it, as we'd have to.
00:47:52I'd like that.
00:47:54On a planet of another star.
00:47:56I envy you.
00:47:58Did he have a pet dinosaur?
00:48:01They were a little bit before my time.
00:48:03At least something is.
00:48:04I doubt you could give us a thousand details, John, corroborating your story.
00:48:08From the Madeline to the Buddha to now.
00:48:10Ten thousand. And you could say out of the books.
00:48:14It's getting chilly.
00:48:15Here.
00:48:16Come over here, join me.
00:48:20Well, that, uh, raises an interesting question, John.
00:48:24Could there be others like you who escaped the aging process that you have?
00:48:28Representing something terrific we don't even know about biology.
00:48:30Learning all the time.
00:48:31Yeah, but how'd he know?
00:48:32He doesn't wear an armband, an ID badge, saying yabba-dabba-doo.
00:48:36There was a man in the 1600s.
00:48:38That I met.
00:48:39Where were you in 1292 AD?
00:48:42Where were you a year ago on this date?
00:48:45I...
00:48:47Anyway, it was the 1600s.
00:48:49I met a man and I had a hunch that he was...
00:48:52like me.
00:48:53So I told him.
00:48:54Ah!
00:48:55See, you, you said this was a first.
00:48:58I forgot.
00:48:59A crack in your story, John.
00:49:01A touch of senility.
00:49:03Anyway, he said yes.
00:49:05But from another time, another place.
00:49:07We talked for two days.
00:49:09It was all pretty convincing, but we couldn't be sure.
00:49:12We each confirmed what the others said, but how did we know if the confirmation was genuine or an echo?
00:49:19I knew I was kosher.
00:49:21But I thought, maybe he's playing a game on me.
00:49:25You know, a scholar of all we spoke about.
00:49:28He said he was inclined to the same reservation.
00:49:30Oh, that's interesting.
00:49:32Just as we could never be sure, even if we wanted to.
00:49:36I mean, if we were sure, you couldn't be sure of that.
00:49:39We parted agreeing to keep in touch. Of course, we didn't.
00:49:43And 200 years later, I thought I saw him at a train station in Brussels.
00:49:48Lost him in the crowd.
00:49:49Oh, what a shame.
00:49:51I mean, if it were true.
00:49:54Okay, here's one for you.
00:49:55What do you do in your spare time?
00:49:58Oh, every 50 years or so, when I want to get away from the rush, I go down to a
00:50:02primitive tribe in New Guinea where I'm worshipped as an immortal god.
00:50:06They have a huge statue of me. It's a big party.
00:50:10Yeah, I got a lot of pictures of it, but I've already packed them up. I'm sorry.
00:50:13I won't make the obvious nasty crack about more unwashed cavemen.
00:50:18Actually, bathing was the style until the Middle Ages and the church told us it was sinful to wash away
00:50:22God's dirt.
00:50:24So people were sewn into their underwear in October and they popped out in April.
00:50:28You said you just happened. I don't believe that.
00:50:32If your story is true, why did God allow you to have them?
00:50:37That makes an interesting point. Are you religious, John?
00:50:41I don't follow a known religion. No.
00:50:44Ever.
00:50:45Long time ago, I did. Like most people. Some just never get over it.
00:50:51Do you believe in God?
00:50:54As Laplace said, I have no need of that hypothesis. He may be around, though.
00:51:00He's everywhere. You just can't see him.
00:51:03If this was the best I could do, I'd be hiding, too.
00:51:07And creation. It's here. I'm not so sure it was created.
00:51:10What, then?
00:51:12Maybe it's just accumulated fields, affecting fields.
00:51:15What about the source of the field energies? Wouldn't that imply a prime mover?
00:51:20I'd wonder about the source of the prime mover, infinite regress, but that doesn't imply anything to me.
00:51:26Back to the mystery.
00:51:27It's a very old question, but there's no answer except in religious terms. If you have faith, it's answered.
00:51:36Did you ever meet any person from our religious history? A biblical figure? In a way.
00:51:43Who?
00:51:45We should skip this one.
00:51:46No, no, no, skip it. Come on.
00:51:48Next question.
00:51:49No, come on.
00:51:50Come on, John. You can't let this go.
00:51:53Good Lord. You were one of them.
00:51:55This is going in a direction that I didn't expect. I hoped it wouldn't. We call it a night.
00:52:01Come on. You were someone in religious history?
00:52:05Yes.
00:52:06In the Bible?
00:52:08Yes.
00:52:08Someone we know?
00:52:09How could we not know someone in the Bible?
00:52:11I mean, somebody important.
00:52:13You may think you know him, but it's mostly myth.
00:52:16The entire Bible is mostly myth and allegory with maybe some basis in historical events.
00:52:24You were part of that history?
00:52:27Yes.
00:52:29Moses.
00:52:31Moses was based on Mises, a Syrian myth.
00:52:34In their earlier versions, all found floating on water, a staff that changed to a snake.
00:52:41Waters that were parted so followers could be led to freedom and even receive laws on stone or wooden tablets.
00:52:49One of the apostles.
00:52:51They weren't really apostles.
00:52:53They didn't do any real teaching.
00:52:55Peter the fisherman learned a little more about fishing.
00:52:59How do you know that?
00:53:03The mythical overlay is so enormous and not good.
00:53:09The truth is so, so simple.
00:53:16A New Testament in a hundred words or less.
00:53:19You ready?
00:53:20I don't think I want to hear this, Harry.
00:53:22Will you take me home?
00:53:23No.
00:53:23Not right now.
00:53:24I do want to hear this.
00:53:25Sit down, Edith.
00:53:26You act like you believe him.
00:53:28It's sacrilege.
00:53:29How can it be sacrilege?
00:53:30He hasn't said anything yet.
00:53:31The New New Testament is sacrilege.
00:53:33There have been a dozen New New Testaments, from Hebrew to Greek to Latin to Tyndale, all the way to
00:53:40King James.
00:53:41All revisionist and all called revealed truth.
00:53:45I mean, a New New Testament in a hundred words.
00:53:48I can give you the Ten Commandments in ten words.
00:53:50Don't.
00:53:51Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't.
00:53:54Don't.
00:53:55The Commandments are just modern updates and more ancient laws and Murabi's code.
00:54:00That's right.
00:54:01And they weren't the first, right?
00:54:04Edith, I was raised on the Torah.
00:54:06My wife in the Koran.
00:54:07My oldest son is an atheist.
00:54:09My youngest is a Scientologist.
00:54:10My daughter is studying Hinduism.
00:54:12I imagine that there is room there for a holy war in my living room.
00:54:17But we practice live and let live.
00:54:20Why don't you sit down?
00:54:29What is your preferred version of the Bible?
00:54:32The King James, of course.
00:54:33It's the most modern, the work of great scholars.
00:54:36Modern is good.
00:54:39All right, John, hit us with the short form.
00:54:43The guy met the Buddha.
00:54:44Liked what he heard.
00:54:46Thought about it for a while.
00:54:47Say 500 years while he returned to the Mediterranean.
00:54:51Became an Etruscan.
00:54:53Seeped into the Roman Empire.
00:54:54He didn't like what they became.
00:54:56A giant killing machine.
00:54:59He went to the Near East thinking,
00:55:00why not pass the Buddha's teachings on in a modern form?
00:55:03So he tried.
00:55:06One dissident against Rome.
00:55:08Rome won.
00:55:09The rest is history.
00:55:11Sort of.
00:55:12A lot of fairy tales mixed in.
00:55:16I knew it.
00:55:18He's saying he was Christ.
00:55:20Oh, no.
00:55:21That's the metal they pinned on Jesus to fulfill prophecy.
00:55:24The crucifixion.
00:55:25He blocked the pain.
00:55:27As he had learned to do in Tibet and India.
00:55:30He also learned to slow his body processes down to the point where they were undetectable.
00:55:35They thought he was dead.
00:55:36So his followers pulled him from the cross, placed him in a cave.
00:55:40His body normalized as he had trained it to.
00:55:44He attempted to go away undetected.
00:55:46But some devotees were standing watch.
00:55:50Tried to explain.
00:55:52They were ecstatic.
00:55:55Thus, I was resurrected.
00:55:57And I ascended to Central Europe to get away as far as possible.
00:56:02You don't mean a word of this, John.
00:56:04My God, why are you doing this?
00:56:06Let me see your wrists.
00:56:08I don't scar.
00:56:09Besides, they tied me.
00:56:11But nails and blood make better religious art.
00:56:15All the speculations about Jesus.
00:56:17He was black.
00:56:18He was Asian.
00:56:19He was a blue-eyed Aryan with a golden beard and hair straight out of Adalas Asun.
00:56:24He was a benevolent alien.
00:56:25He never existed at all.
00:56:27And now he's a caveman.
00:56:29The Christ figure goes all the way back to Krishna.
00:56:32Hercules, of course.
00:56:33Hercules?
00:56:34Born of a virgin, Alcmene.
00:56:37A god for a father.
00:56:38Zeus.
00:56:39The only begotten.
00:56:42Savior.
00:56:43The Greek, Soter.
00:56:45The good shepherd.
00:56:46The prince of peace, bringing gentle persuasion and divine wisdom.
00:56:50He died, joined his father on Olympus, a thousand years before Gethsemane.
00:56:56How can you compare pagan mythology to the true word?
00:57:00Damn closely, I'd say.
00:57:02The early Christian leaders, they threw away Hebrew manuscripts and borrowed from pagan sources all over the place.
00:57:09Do you realize how inconsiderately you're treating my feelings?
00:57:14Yeah, about as inconsiderately as we're treating John's.
00:57:18Well, he doesn't believe what he's saying.
00:57:20Do you believe literally everything in the Bible, Edith?
00:57:22Yes.
00:57:24Before you say it, I know it's undergone a lot of changes, but God has spoken through man to make
00:57:31his word clearer.
00:57:32He couldn't get it right the first time?
00:57:35We're imperfect. He had to work to make us understand.
00:57:38He couldn't get us right the first time, Edith?
00:57:41The, taken alone, the philosophical teachings of Jesus are Buddhism with a Hebrew accent.
00:57:46Kindness, tolerance, brotherhood, love, a ruthless realism, acknowledging that life is as it is here on earth, here and now.
00:57:55The kingdom of God, meaning goodness, is right here where it should be.
00:58:01I am what I am becoming.
00:58:03That's where the Buddha brought it.
00:58:05And that's what I taught.
00:58:06But a talking snake made a lady eat an apple, so we're screwed.
00:58:11Heaven and hell were peddled so priests could rule through seduction and terror, save our souls that we never lost
00:58:17in the first place.
00:58:18I threw a clean pass. They ran it out of the ballpark.
00:58:23This is blasphemy.
00:58:25It's horrible. Who else were you? Solomon? Elvis? Jack the Ripper?
00:58:30It's been said that Buddha and Jesus would laugh or cry if they'd known what was done in their name.
00:58:36And if there is a creator, I'd probably feel the same way.
00:58:39I see ceremony, ritual, processions, genuflecting, moaning, intoning, venerating cookies and wine.
00:58:48And I think, that's not what I had in mind.
00:58:52That's Vatican Flapdoodle. It doesn't have a thing to do with God.
00:58:55As you said, John, everywhere religions, from exalting life to purging joy is a sin.
00:59:02Rome does it as grand opera.
00:59:05A simple path to goodness needs a supernatural road path.
00:59:10Supernatural.
00:59:12A stupid word? I mean, anything that happens, happens within nature, whether we believe it or not.
00:59:18Like a 14,000-year-old caveman.
00:59:29I drove for a while, and then I sat for a while.
00:59:33I'm so ashamed.
00:59:35And I'm freezing.
00:59:37We'll come inside.
00:59:38I still don't believe you, of course. You need help.
00:59:41Everybody needs help.
00:59:42Yes, well, some more than others.
00:59:58From the Buddha to the cross, I have always imagined both as entirely mythic.
01:00:05Yeah, but I would like to hear more.
01:00:08May I lie on the couch for a moment? I'm not as young as I used to be.
01:00:16Oh!
01:00:20So, you were Jesus.
01:00:23Well, perhaps somebody had to be, for better or for worse. The jury is still out.
01:00:28When did you begin to believe you were Jesus?
01:00:31When did you begin to believe you were a psychiatrist?
01:00:33Well, since I graduated Harvard Medical School and finished my residency, I've had that feeling.
01:00:40Oh, I sometimes dream about it.
01:00:42Have you acted upon this belief?
01:00:44I had a private practice for a while, and then I taught.
01:00:48Nothing unusual.
01:00:50Oh, until one day I met a caveman who thought he was Jesus.
01:00:56Do you find that unusual?
01:00:57Very.
01:00:59I would stake my reputation. He is as sane as I am.
01:01:03So, why does he persist in such a story?
01:01:06There must be a reason, though.
01:01:07Unless I imagined it all? Is that possible?
01:01:11I think you're as sane as he is.
01:01:13Oh, God. I...
01:01:15No.
01:01:18Did you ever find it prudent to worship yourself rather than be thought a heretic?
01:01:22That would be something.
01:01:24Other times, Christianity was considered heresy. I had to pretend other faiths.
01:01:28And what does Jesus have to say to those present who find it difficult to believe in him?
01:01:35Believe in what he tried to teach without rigmarole.
01:01:40Piety is not what the lessons bring to people.
01:01:42It's the mistake they bring to the lessons.
01:01:52Well, it's getting to be night.
01:01:56I still have stuff to carry.
01:01:58A long drive.
01:02:01I'll help.
01:02:02John, do you have a destination in mind?
01:02:07Never mind. I own ass.
01:02:20Anyone mentally ill can imagine a fantastic background, even an entire life, and sincerely believe it.
01:02:28The man who thinks he is Napoleon does believe it.
01:02:32His true identity has taken a back seat to his delusion and the need for it.
01:02:37If that's the case with John, there is a grave disorder.
01:02:42Organized brilliantly.
01:02:45He's got an answer for everything.
01:02:47It might involve rejection of his father, of his entire early past, replaced by this fantasy.
01:02:53He says he can't remember his father.
01:02:55Yeah, precisely. Why?
01:02:56You said he was sane.
01:02:58Did I?
01:03:00Do you think that perhaps our caveman has a monkey on his back?
01:03:05Drugs?
01:03:06No, no, no, no.
01:03:07I've done a lot of consulting work with the narcotics division.
01:03:10I've seen people tripping, strung out, whatever's up with John, it isn't that.
01:03:14I've looked for signs. None.
01:03:16Could cavemen really talk?
01:03:17Well, we think that language came into existence 60,000 years ago.
01:03:22The structure of Stone Age culture is evidence of the ability to communicate verbally.
01:03:29Oh, shit.
01:03:40Maybe it'd be easier if I were.
01:03:42Crazy?
01:03:45No.
01:03:59It is fascinating, isn't it?
01:04:02A brave attempt to teach Buddhism in the West.
01:04:05It's no wonder he failed.
01:04:07We're not ready for it.
01:04:09You're talking as if you believed him.
01:04:11Well, it is possible, isn't it?
01:04:14I mean, anything is possible.
01:04:15Look, we have two simple choices.
01:04:18We can get all bent out of shape, intellectualizing, or bench pressing logic, or we can simply relax and enjoy
01:04:24it.
01:04:25I can listen critically, but I don't have to make up my mind about anything.
01:04:30Do you think you do?
01:04:32Well, unfortunately, there's no authorities on prehistory, so we couldn't stop them there.
01:04:36There are experts on the Bible.
01:04:38Dream on.
01:04:39Yeah, that's the lost years of Jesus.
01:04:42And he didn't exist until John put on a hat.
01:04:45I don't believe in angels and the nativity and the star in the east, but there are stories about the
01:04:51childhood of Jesus.
01:04:52History hates a vacuum.
01:04:55Improvisation, some of it very sincere, fills the gaps.
01:04:59It would have been easy to falsify a past back then.
01:05:01A few words, credulity.
01:05:05Time would do the rest.
01:05:06No, you're talking as if you believed.
01:05:08Well, look at the popular myths surrounding the Kennedy assassination in a few short years.
01:05:13You had a conspiracy, a mafia, CIA.
01:05:17That's a mystique that'll never go away.
01:05:19It's always been a small step from a fallen leader to a god.
01:05:23I don't think anybody will deify Kennedy. We're more sophisticated than that.
01:05:27We are.
01:05:29We are.
01:05:34Well, you're finally fulfilling one prophecy about the millennium, John.
01:05:39What's that?
01:05:40Here you are again.
01:05:52You like the fire, John.
01:05:55Everywhere I've lived I've had a fireplace.
01:05:58Childhood fixation, I guess.
01:06:02Helps me to feel secure.
01:06:05There are predators out there.
01:06:09There's one thing I didn't pack.
01:06:11I thought I might need it.
01:06:20Wouldn't Sacré du Prétain be more appropriate?
01:06:24What?
01:06:27You got four men of science completely baffled, my friend.
01:06:32We don't know what to make of you.
01:06:35Did you know Voltaire was the first to suggest that the universe was created by a gigantic explosion?
01:06:41I think Paul would agree.
01:06:43And that Goethe was the first to suggest that spiral nebulae were swirling masses of stars.
01:06:49We now call them galaxies.
01:06:51It's kind of funny how often new concepts of science find their first tentative forms of expression in the arts.
01:06:57So, did Beethoven do physics on the side?
01:07:02He spent most of his time lying on the floor in front of his legless piano surrounded by orange peels
01:07:08and apple cores.
01:07:12Now we are on the floor listening to Beethoven.
01:07:16Full circle.
01:07:18Did you have, um, any religious beliefs?
01:07:23Or did you give it much thought?
01:07:25You can't get that with thought.
01:07:28Do you have faith?
01:07:29In a lot of things.
01:07:31Do you have faith in the future of the race?
01:07:33I've seen species come and go.
01:07:36Depends on their balance with the environment.
01:07:39We've made a mess of it.
01:07:41There's still time.
01:07:43If we use it well.
01:07:44Christianity has been a worldwide belief for 2,000 years.
01:07:49How long did the Egyptians worship Isis and the Sumerians Ishtar?
01:07:53In India, sacred cows wandered freely as reincarnated souls.
01:07:57In a thousand years they'll be barbecued and their souls will be in squirrels.
01:08:01You weren't Jesus.
01:08:04Oh, yes.
01:08:09It rains.
01:08:10It won't.
01:08:11How do you know that?
01:08:12I don't smell it.
01:08:17Were you, I guess, a medicine man?
01:08:22I was a shaman a few times.
01:08:24I revealed some truths to eat a little better.
01:08:27You think that's all religion is about?
01:08:30Selling hope and survival?
01:08:33The Old Testament sells fear and guilt.
01:08:35The New Testament is a good code of ethics.
01:08:38Put into my mouth by poets and philosophers that are much smarter than I am.
01:08:42The message is never practiced.
01:08:45The fairy tales build churches.
01:08:48What about the name Jesus?
01:08:51Did you pull that out of a hand?
01:08:53I called myself John.
01:08:55I almost always do.
01:08:57But as tales of resurrection spread, the name was confused with the Hebrew Yohanan,
01:09:02meaning God is gracious.
01:09:04My stay on earth was seen as divine proof of immortality.
01:09:08That led to God is salvation or Hebrew Yeshua,
01:09:15which in translation became my proper name, changing to late Greek.
01:09:20Iesus.
01:09:21Then to late Latin, Iesus.
01:09:23Finally medieval Latin, Jesus.
01:09:26And it was a wonder to watch it all happen.
01:09:29Then you didn't claim to be the son of God.
01:09:32It began as a schoolhouse and ended as a temple.
01:09:35I said I had a master that was greater than myself.
01:09:38I never said he was my father.
01:09:41I wanted to teach what I learned.
01:09:42I never claimed to be king of the Jews.
01:09:45I never walked on water.
01:09:46I never raised the dead.
01:09:48I never spoke of divine except in the sense of human goodness on earth.
01:09:57No wise men came from the east to worship in a manger.
01:10:01I did do a little healing with some eastern medicine I had learned.
01:10:07But that's it.
01:10:12Three wise men began as a myth about the birth of the Buddha.
01:10:20John, I should be home kissing my wife.
01:10:26We're all here trapped by your story.
01:10:30Hoping for a revolution, I don't know.
01:10:39Are there any more revelations for us?
01:10:49It's just like old times.
01:10:59You weren't Jesus.
01:11:04Quote the Sermon on the Mount.
01:11:06Which one?
01:11:07Derby, King James, New American Standard?
01:11:10Do you know them all?
01:11:12No one knows the one.
01:11:14Not even me.
01:11:16I did some teaching on a hill one day.
01:11:19Not that many people stayed.
01:11:21But...
01:11:22Biblical Jesus said,
01:11:25Who do you think I am?
01:11:27He gave them a choice.
01:11:31I'm giving you one.
01:11:35Were you?
01:11:38If I said no, could you ever be sure?
01:11:58Turn that off.
01:12:00Please?
01:12:04This has gone far enough.
01:12:06It's gone much too far.
01:12:08These people are very upset.
01:12:10I don't believe you're mad.
01:12:13But what you're saying is not true.
01:12:16That leaves only one explanation.
01:12:20The time has come when you must admit this is a hoax.
01:12:25A lie.
01:12:28Isn't that true, John?
01:12:30If you don't drop this now, if you can,
01:12:33I'll be convinced that you need a great deal of attention.
01:12:38I can have you committed for observation.
01:12:41You know that.
01:12:42I ask you now.
01:12:44I demand it.
01:12:46That you tell these people the truth.
01:12:50Give them closure.
01:12:53It's time, John.
01:12:56Please.
01:13:11End of the line.
01:13:12Everybody off.
01:13:17What?
01:13:19It was a story.
01:13:20It was all a story.
01:13:23Good God.
01:13:27Another fairy tale.
01:13:28All of it, but what in the name of heaven?
01:13:32John, you had us wondering whether you were sane or not, and it's just a story.
01:13:36Where'd you come off with such a half-baked, asinine idea?
01:13:39At least you're relieved I might have not.
01:13:41I'd prefer you were.
01:13:42You gave me the idea.
01:13:44All of you.
01:13:46Come again.
01:13:47You just saw my fake Van Gogh.
01:13:48You could have just told me.
01:13:50You could have commented that I never age.
01:13:51You gave me the book on early men.
01:13:53Dan, you spotted the burn, and you said if stones could speak.
01:13:57I knew it.
01:13:58I got the notion.
01:13:59I ran it past you to check your reactions, and I took it too far.
01:14:03Too far.
01:14:05Check my reaction.
01:14:06You asked if I was a figure from religious history.
01:14:08If there were others like me, if I'd created future identities.
01:14:12We were chasing our tails around the maypole, enjoying the mystery, the analytical stretch.
01:14:18You were playing my game.
01:14:20I was playing yours.
01:14:21Aw, man.
01:14:22You know you had us going, right?
01:14:24You were good, man.
01:14:25You know those Chinese boxes?
01:14:27One inside the other, inside the other, inside the other.
01:14:30I feel like I'm in the last box.
01:14:33You son of a bitch!
01:14:36How could you do this to us?
01:14:38I was worried about you.
01:14:39I know.
01:14:40I was tempted to cop out.
01:14:41Many times.
01:14:42But I couldn't resist seeing whether or not you could refute what I was saying.
01:14:46I had the perfect audience.
01:14:49Anthropologist.
01:14:50Archaeologist.
01:14:51Christian literalist.
01:14:53Psychologist.
01:14:55Okay.
01:14:56I've had enough of this.
01:14:57I'm out of here.
01:14:57You wanna come?
01:14:58Let's go.
01:14:59So, John.
01:15:01Are you gonna write the story?
01:15:03If I do, I'll send you copies.
01:15:04Don't bother with mine, okay?
01:15:06You are absolutely certifiable.
01:15:09I don't know you.
01:15:13It was nice seeing you again, Dr. Oldman.
01:15:16Your name's a pun, isn't it?
01:15:18Old man.
01:15:21Did that help you with your story?
01:15:24Linda!
01:15:27Bye.
01:15:32My lock was half, right?
01:15:35Which half?
01:15:39Well, at least I don't have to throw away half of what I know about biology.
01:15:44Which half?
01:15:47It's a beautiful idea.
01:15:50So rich.
01:15:51So full of possibilities.
01:15:55Perhaps you should write a paper on it, Doctor.
01:15:57Maybe I will.
01:15:59I'll interview you in the rubber room for further details.
01:16:02You may still need help, my friend.
01:16:18My ass.
01:16:19I thought it sounded pretty good.
01:16:21They believe you because they have to.
01:16:24But the one thing that I know about you is that you would never use people
01:16:27or abuse their goodwill and intelligence like they think you've just done to them.
01:16:31Psych 101?
01:16:31No, it's woman.
01:16:33One on one.
01:16:34So you're a pretty fast liar, Mr. Ugg.
01:16:37But I want to know, what's your real name?
01:16:40Believe it or not, the sound was always John.
01:16:46Why'd you cave to Gruber?
01:16:47What happened was enough.
01:16:49Just needed to stop.
01:16:50I shouldn't have expected it to work.
01:16:5414,000 years old.
01:16:56I bet that's a lot of women.
01:16:58Are we counting?
01:16:59Maybe.
01:17:03Well, I'm taking Edith home.
01:17:05Sandy?
01:17:07I'm gonna stay.
01:17:13Are you sorry for some of those things you said?
01:17:17I'm sorry I said them.
01:17:18Well, like a good Christian, I...
01:17:22Oh, John.
01:17:25Woo!
01:17:27You did a terrible thing!
01:17:30But we're all so thankful you're alright.
01:17:32Even Art, he just hates things he can't understand.
01:17:35You're a sadist, John.
01:17:37But I admit I got a kick out of chasing my tail around your Maybowl.
01:17:41Even if that is all I caught.
01:17:43Good luck to you.
01:17:44Wish you the best.
01:17:46Ready?
01:17:56Later on.
01:17:57Okay.
01:17:57Good night.
01:18:00Mm-hmm.
01:18:06I don't know, man.
01:18:09Something about this.
01:18:12Something about you, John.
01:18:14The more I think about it, the more I'm no longer in that Chinese box.
01:18:19I sense space.
01:18:22A kind of latitude in what we happily call reality.
01:18:27In which, as everybody keeps saying, anything's possible.
01:18:33Yes.
01:18:34No, no, no.
01:18:35No, no.
01:18:35No more words.
01:18:37I'm gonna go home and I'm gonna watch Star Trek for a dose of sanity.
01:18:43Good luck to you, man.
01:18:45Wherever this may lead to.
01:18:47You drop me a line.
01:18:49Sometime.
01:18:50Let me know how you make it out.
01:18:53I will.
01:19:06So, John Oldman.
01:19:08What other pun names have you used?
01:19:11Lots.
01:19:14John Paley for John Paleolithic.
01:19:17John Savage.
01:19:19Got really crazy about 60 years ago.
01:19:21When I was teaching at Harvard, I was...
01:19:24John Thomas Partee.
01:19:26John T. Partee.
01:19:28Boston T. Partee.
01:19:29I get it.
01:19:30Yeah, I know.
01:19:31Wait, wait, wait.
01:19:32Boston?
01:19:3560 years ago?
01:19:36John...
01:19:37John...
01:19:38John Partee.
01:19:43You did not teach chemistry.
01:19:45I...
01:19:46I do not believe you.
01:19:49Your mother's name was Nova.
01:19:51No.
01:19:52Yeah.
01:19:53No.
01:19:53Yeah.
01:19:55Yes.
01:19:56Nola.
01:19:57My mother.
01:20:00I reject this.
01:20:03My...
01:20:04My...
01:20:04My dog's name.
01:20:06We had him before I was born.
01:20:09Wolfie.
01:20:10Wolfie.
01:20:10Wolfie.
01:20:11Elfie.
01:20:16D thanks.
01:20:16Gruber.
01:20:17Is she remarried?
01:20:18She said you abandoned us.
01:20:21Sorry I had to move on.
01:20:23You know that.
01:20:24I left enough.
01:20:25I left enough.
01:20:26Cold.
01:20:27Chile wie league.
01:20:28Always cold.
01:20:29Never could stan the cold.
01:20:32When...
01:20:33You...
01:20:33You had a beer.
01:20:35Yeah.
01:20:35Use his eyes.
01:20:36He feels real.
01:20:37Will!
01:20:39God!
01:20:419-1-1, now!
01:20:44Come on, Will.
01:20:47Will.
01:20:48Come on, buddy.
01:21:22You'll stay in touch, Dr. Olman, in case there are any questions.
01:21:26I'll be back for the funeral.
01:21:28Miss.
01:21:39You never saw a grown child die.
01:21:42No.
01:22:11I'll be back.
01:22:13I'll be back.
01:22:20I'll be back.
01:22:24Come on, Sid!
01:22:24Come on, Sid!
01:22:25Give me a hug, that's how I'm going.
01:22:25I'm not a slave.
01:22:27You're gonna have a slave.
01:22:27You are a slave.
01:22:28I'm a slave.
01:22:28I'm a slave.
01:22:33I'm a slave.
01:22:34You're a slave.
01:22:36I'm a slave.
01:22:37It's a slave.
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