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00:00MUSIC
00:21Good evening. Welcome to Would I Lie To You?
00:24The show where dishonesty is sometimes the best policy.
00:28On David Mitchell's team tonight, joining us for his first time,
00:31it's comedian Josh Pugh.
00:36And here to boost all our self-esteem,
00:40it's musician and actress Rebecca Lucy Taylor.
00:45And on Lee Mack's team tonight, comedian and star of Sorry I Didn't Know,
00:51it's Eddie Caddy.
00:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:54And she is one hull of a mystery.
00:59It's comedian Lucy Beaumont.
01:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:03So, to round one, Home Truths,
01:06where our panellists read out a statement from the card in front of them.
01:10To make things harder, they've never seen the card before,
01:12they have no idea what they'll be faced with.
01:15It's up to the opposing team to sort the fact from the fiction.
01:19And Lucy, you're first up.
01:21The other day, I took a sick bee to the vet.
01:26David's team.
01:26Oh.
01:27Bumble or honey?
01:29I think it was a honey bee.
01:30And where did you find this sick bee?
01:33Just on a path.
01:34And I was taking a cat to the vet anyway.
01:37So, I thought I'll take the bee with me as well.
01:41Did you know the cat previously or had you found that on the same day as well?
01:45No, I bought the cat from Rill.
01:49We had to go to Rill to pick it up.
01:52And was this the day you'd picked up the cat?
01:54No, no.
01:55It was time for the kitten to get, you know, the procedure done.
02:00A boy or a girl?
02:00Boy.
02:01Oh, a little Welsh boy cat.
02:03Yeah.
02:04Have you been done, Rob?
02:05Not yet.
02:07And if I said its name in a Welsh accent, it would come to me.
02:11Oh, right.
02:12What's its name?
02:13Otter.
02:14In Welsh?
02:16Otter.
02:20I would have thought if you found a little insect like that in the street,
02:24rather than the vets, you'd be better taking it to the waspital.
02:29But it was a bee.
02:30A and B, then.
02:33He's had a team of people working on that for the last six minutes.
02:39Did it survive?
02:41No.
02:43It's a sad ending.
02:45I took it to the vet.
02:46Yeah.
02:47And I put it on the ground and then I stood on it.
02:53Deliberately?
02:54No, I just forgot it was on the floor.
02:56I mean, I put the cat down and I had to put...
02:58You put the cat down?
02:59LAUGHTER
03:02It really took you in to get the snitch.
03:04LAUGHTER
03:06I don't know why you put the bee down on the...
03:08Where do you want me to put the bee?
03:10On a chair, on a counter.
03:12There wasn't a chair for a bee.
03:14What is this room furnished with?
03:17Dogs.
03:18Dogs.
03:20So all the chairs had dogs on them?
03:23Was there no, like, reception desk or was that covered in dogs?
03:28LAUGHTER
03:28What are you thinking, Rebecca?
03:29Do you think she's making all this up or could it be true?
03:32I think it's definitely true.
03:34Because?
03:35Solidarity with women.
03:37Yeah.
03:37LAUGHTER
03:38Yeah, I'm not sure that's going to fare you well in this game.
03:41LAUGHTER
03:42What do you think, Josh?
03:44I'm happy to believe women.
03:47If Lucy's lying, then that does set that movement back.
03:50I think it's a lie.
03:52But if she was making it up, why wouldn't she have said she put the bee on the counter or
03:58the chair?
03:59The fact that we find that more plausible means she would probably find that more plausible,
04:03so that's what she probably would have invented.
04:05But under these weird circumstances where this vet, that obviously specialises in dogs,
04:10so it feels like an irresponsible place to take a cat, but we'll leave that.
04:15Maybe she did put it on the floor and she did tread on it.
04:18And would she have invented that?
04:19In fact, treading on the bee, she's going to get death threats for killing a bee.
04:23LAUGHTER
04:24So suddenly, it's very implausibility makes it seem more likely.
04:28And that is why I am so tired.
04:32LAUGHTER
04:37OK, so what are we saying?
04:41I've actually bottled it and I'm going to believe women.
04:44LAUGHTER
04:46True.
04:47True.
04:48True.
04:49Lucy, they think it's true.
04:51Was that tale true or was it actually a lie?
04:54It was a...
04:55lie.
04:56Ah!
04:58APPLAUSE
05:01It's a lie.
05:02Lucy didn't take a sick feed to the vets.
05:06Josh, you're next.
05:07OK.
05:09Me and my mates once stole a chair from KFC every night until we had a full patio set.
05:15LAUGHTER
05:16These two.
05:18Right.
05:19I mean, the first thing I have to ask is, are they not bolted down?
05:25They are now.
05:27LAUGHTER
05:27We're not talking a domestic KFC here, Lee.
05:30This was on a Greek island.
05:32Oh!
05:33They do things a little bit differently over there.
05:35What was the problem that you had to go to KFC?
05:37So we're in a very bad hotel with no furniture, no pool, actually.
05:40It's like a courtyard with rooms across the...
05:42Just dogs everywhere.
05:45LAUGHTER
05:45So one guy came back with a chair, like, oh, that's good,
05:47and then the next day somebody else got a chair,
05:49then it became a thing that you've...
05:50What were the sleeping arrangements?
05:51Er, beds.
05:52I know that.
05:54Because you'd been to Ikea on the Monday.
05:58And what was your technique when you would go into this fast food outlet
06:02and you'd spy a chair?
06:04My technique was to run.
06:05Get it and run.
06:06You ran all the way from the chicken shop.
06:09But you've got to think this is 2006, 2007.
06:13Oh, well, fair enough.
06:13LAUGHTER
06:17Another thing to say here is we're talking about theft
06:19like it's all a bit of fun,
06:21but that poor chicken shop was probably struggling to survive.
06:25Because they haven't got many branches, have they?
06:26No, they've not.
06:28They took it quite badly because...
06:29Oh, they found out?
06:30They clocked on and would then start chasing us, then,
06:33by day five and six when people are getting chased with tables.
06:37LAUGHTER
06:37Oh, sorry!
06:38You're now running off with tables?
06:40Day four, we've got four seats, having a good time.
06:42But we wanted more.
06:44LAUGHTER
06:45What happened at the end of the week?
06:47How did this end?
06:48Well, they began to recognise us, essentially.
06:50Right.
06:51I don't know why we all went every night.
06:53That probably wasn't helpful.
06:54LAUGHTER
06:56Lucy, does this strike you as true?
06:59I'm going to say...
07:00Well...
07:02Thanks for that.
07:03And what about you?
07:04LAUGHTER
07:05I'm looking at you right now thinking,
07:07are you the type of guy?
07:08Look at me, let me focus.
07:10I'm...
07:11Yeah, you're the type of guy.
07:12LAUGHTER
07:13Josh, if it is true, maybe you'd like to apologise.
07:19Erm...
07:19I'm sorry for what we did.
07:20As a collective, I regret it.
07:23LAUGHTER
07:24If I could take it back...
07:26Literally, I would take it back.
07:28I'm sorry.
07:29LAUGHTER
07:29Is he telling the truth?
07:31True.
07:31I think it's true.
07:33Lee, true.
07:34They all think it's true, Josh.
07:35Was it true or were you making that up?
07:37It was...
07:38True.
07:47It's true, Josh did steal chairs from a chicken shop.
07:51Rebecca, you're next.
07:52Right.
07:54For the...
07:55For the past two years,
07:57I have used the name of a famous actor
07:58as part of my vocal warm-up.
08:00Ooh!
08:01Oh, OK.
08:02Lee Stee, tell us the name of the famous actor.
08:05Erm...
08:06John Sim.
08:07John Sim?
08:08Oh, John Sim from Life on Mars...
08:11Life on Mars and many other things.
08:12I don't know who he is.
08:13You know John Sim?
08:14He was the master in Doctor Who.
08:15He's been on this show.
08:16He's been on this show, yeah.
08:17He sat in that show.
08:18He sat next to you when you were on.
08:20LAUGHTER
08:20Not that side.
08:21There's no-one sits outside.
08:22LAUGHTER
08:24You don't know who John Sim is.
08:26No, I've never read of him.
08:26Well, John, if you're watching now, I'm sorry.
08:29LAUGHTER
08:30Try harder.
08:32LAUGHTER
08:33LAUGHTER
08:35Well, first of all, why John Sim?
08:36Well, he came to see me play live.
08:39And you met him?
08:40Yes, he came backstage.
08:41Where was this, Rebecca?
08:44Er...
08:44Brighton.
08:45The dome?
08:46Er...
08:47No, smaller.
08:48Smaller than that.
08:49The pub?
08:50Erm...
08:51A bit bigger than that, but not much.
08:52Somewhere between the pub and the dome?
08:53Yes, yeah.
08:54You know the...
08:55Oh, I played it.
08:56You remember it on the way up.
08:57Yeah.
08:58You're looking forward to it.
09:00LAUGHTER
09:00Yeah, I wasn't quite sure I'd take that.
09:02I couldn't tell if that was a compliment or an insult.
09:05No, I couldn't either.
09:07What is your John Sim routine?
09:10He comes backstage and I, for some reason, go...
09:13Cos I've got a big band.
09:14And I say, star of stage and screen John Sim.
09:18You said that.
09:18I introduced him like that.
09:19And he was like, why have you done that?
09:21That's weird.
09:21That was your opening line to him.
09:22That's what I did.
09:23And then we started to do...
09:26John Sim, star of stage...
09:28..and screen John Sim, star of stage and screen John Sim, star of stage...
09:33Oh, to the tune of Knees Up Mother Brown.
09:35Sorry, I just thought it was a Can Can song.
09:38So, it's John Sim, star of stage...
09:41And screen John Sim, star of stage...
09:43And screen John Sim, star of stage...
09:45And screen John Sim, star of stage...
09:48Wow!
09:49APPLAUSE
09:52Go to the can-can.
09:54John Simms, star of stage and screen.
09:56John Simms, star of stage and screen.
09:57John Simms, star of stage and screen.
09:59John Simms, star of stage and star of stage and screen.
10:02Hey!
10:03Yeah, hey.
10:06Have you got a musical theatre background?
10:09Rob doesn't really like to sing.
10:13All people checking his background.
10:15LAUGHTER
10:17What do you think?
10:19I believe it.
10:20Why?
10:21Only because...
10:24I've just got this solidarity with women.
10:27LAUGHTER
10:29Finally, we're getting somewhere!
10:31What do we think?
10:32I think it's true.
10:33True.
10:34The team says true, so we're going to say it's true.
10:36Rebecca, is it true or was it a lie?
10:39It's true!
10:41APPLAUSE
10:43Yes, it's true.
10:45Rebecca does use John Simms as a vocal warm-up.
10:48Our next round is called This Is My,
10:51where we bring on a mystery guest who has a close connection
10:53to one of our panellists.
10:55This week, each of Lee's team will claim it's them
10:58that has the genuine connection to the guest.
11:00It's up to David's team to spot who's telling the truth.
11:03So please welcome this week's special guest, Glyn.
11:11APPLAUSE
11:14So, Eddie, what is Glyn to you?
11:16This is Glyn.
11:17We both spent one night's sleep in the window of a bed shop.
11:21LAUGHTER
11:21Right, Lucy, how do you know Glyn?
11:23This is Glyn.
11:24I can no longer look him in the eye
11:26after what he caught me doing in the living room.
11:30LAUGHTER
11:30Finally, Lee, what's your relationship with Glyn?
11:33This is Glyn.
11:34I have been his best man at all five of his weddings.
11:38LAUGHTER
11:39So, there we have it.
11:41David's team, where will you begin?
11:43Eddie, what was this bed shop?
11:45Why were you in the window overnight?
11:46I was working for a bed shop in Kingston.
11:49I used to work in a warehouse.
11:50A guy here, Glyn, he was a delivery man.
11:52So it's a full-time job or a part-time job?
11:54No, it was a part-time job.
11:54It was my final year of uni.
11:55And what were you studying?
11:57Media technology.
11:58So not a proper course, then?
12:00LAUGHTER
12:00Well, look at where I ended up.
12:02LAUGHTER
12:03That's what I mean.
12:04Not a proper course.
12:06Glyn, what did you say?
12:08He was a delivery guy.
12:09The driver.
12:10The driver.
12:10Are you saying that you spent the night...
12:12We spent the night at the shop window.
12:14It was up for a promotion night.
12:16So the owner...
12:17Got the driver of the...
12:20LAUGHTER
12:21Glyn.
12:23Keep it together, Glyn.
12:24He never does this.
12:25He's told.
12:25That's why he's been married five times.
12:30Josh, he always had crazy ideas, right?
12:32And the thing is, myself and Glyn loved Glyn,
12:34because every time he came down,
12:36I used to tell him about, you know,
12:38being raised in the Congo,
12:39we used to have these great conversations, right?
12:40Funniest guy in the world.
12:41I know he doesn't look good right now.
12:43LAUGHTER
12:44Well, he looks like he likes a laugh.
12:47LAUGHTER
12:47Tell you what, he likes sleeping with his wife's sisters.
12:51LAUGHTER
12:53LAUGHTER
12:54APPLAUSE
12:55APPLAUSE
12:55APPLAUSE
12:57So, to be clear, you and Glyn here both bonded
13:01about growing up in the Congo.
13:04LAUGHTER
13:06Listen, this guy taught me how to dance to Congolese music.
13:09Show them, Glyn.
13:12Glyn, come on, remember.
13:14LAUGHTER
13:16So, what happened then?
13:17But, yeah, so, Josh came one, they said,
13:19I want to do a promotion, but, guys,
13:21how would you feel about spending the night in my store?
13:23I'm going to get the local photographer to come down,
13:26the papers to come down, spend the night,
13:28and then the shop window, people will be seeing you.
13:30Were you in the same bed?
13:31You in the same bed?
13:32No, no, we had two separate beds.
13:33The funny thing is, it got to about three in the morning,
13:36and he needed to go to the toilet, right?
13:39But the thing is, we were told,
13:41try your best not to actually shift, you know,
13:44until later on.
13:45Not to...
13:47So, try your best not to shift.
13:48Oh, shift.
13:49Yeah.
13:50LAUGHTER
13:53That would be a hell of a bit of advice from the supervisor.
13:57I'll be...
13:57Stay in there.
13:58And the number one rule...
13:59Yeah.
14:00..don't you know what.
14:01LAUGHTER
14:02And the press came, the local Kingston paper.
14:05Wow.
14:06I mean, you say, wow, Rob,
14:08in order to get a local paper to come and take a picture
14:10of something, what you have to do is ask them.
14:13LAUGHTER
14:13And then go, oh, thank God, something to put in the paper!
14:17Now, if you are satisfied with Eddie, you can move on.
14:21I think where we are with it is it could have happened,
14:23but it might not have happened.
14:25LAUGHTER
14:26So...
14:27Yeah, I'd be interested to hear from the other two as well.
14:29That might help as well.
14:30OK, well, let's move on to Lucy... Lucy Beaumont.
14:35Hello.
14:36Hello.
14:36Now, you say you can't look Glyn in the eye...
14:39No.
14:40..because of something he saw you do.
14:42Yeah.
14:42What was that thing?
14:43He caught me squirting breast milk into a pepper pig bowl.
14:50LAUGHTER
14:52LAUGHTER
14:55Wow.
14:56And why were you doing that?
14:58Oh...
14:58Oh, firstly, was it your own breast milk or someone else's?
15:02LAUGHTER
15:04APPLAUSE
15:07APPLAUSE
15:09It was my mother's.
15:12LAUGHTER
15:15It was my own.
15:17Yeah.
15:17This might help with this.
15:18Why was Glyn there?
15:22Oh...
15:22LAUGHTER
15:28Because Glyn...
15:30..was doing the electrics on the house,
15:32but I didn't know...
15:34I didn't know...
15:35I didn't know...
15:36I didn't know...
15:36Please say no again.
15:38LAUGHTER
15:40What didn't you know?
15:42I thought he'd gone.
15:43You thought he'd left for the day?
15:45Yeah.
15:45And so you were expressing breast milk into a pepper pig bowl?
15:49Yeah.
15:49Is the branding of the bowl important to the store?
15:52No, it was the only thing that was there.
15:55I needed to do it quickly.
15:57OK.
15:58And...
15:58And then he just wandered into the living room?
16:02LAUGHTER
16:02I was just horrible...
16:03Did he say he was an electrician?
16:04Yeah.
16:05Coming in with a black coffee going,
16:06Have you got your milk?
16:10Er...
16:11No.
16:12LAUGHTER
16:14My baby, she'd had a really, really long nap, you see.
16:18Right.
16:18And if you miss a feed, well, it doesn't disappear.
16:22Yeah.
16:23It comes out.
16:24Right.
16:25LAUGHTER
16:26So he walks into the room.
16:28What happens next?
16:30He said to me, why are you wearing my shirt?
16:34What?
16:35Why?
16:35No, I must say, I wasn't expecting that.
16:37LAUGHTER
16:40Cos I'd had a nap, and when I woke up I was a bit cold,
16:43so I put a shirt on, and I didn't know it was his shirt.
16:46So when he saw what you were doing, what did he do?
16:50He ran out.
16:51So he asked you first, right, why are you wearing my shirt?
16:54Yeah.
16:55Then you said, I don't know.
16:56And then I went, oh!
16:57It's interesting, you're very interested in this story, Eddie,
17:00for someone who knows for a fact that this is your friend who has slept in a shop.
17:05LAUGHTER
17:09Did he finish the job?
17:11The electrics job?
17:14I haven't actually seen him properly since.
17:18He's a friend of my dad, so he still sees my dad.
17:21And had he finished the electric job that day, or did he leave?
17:24No, but he tends to not finish a lot of jobs, he does.
17:27LAUGHTER
17:28All right, now.
17:29Shall we move on to Lee?
17:30Well, you could, yes.
17:31Remind us, Lee, of your claim.
17:32This is Glyn.
17:33I've been the best man at his wedding five times.
17:35Please name the five wives.
17:37I'll name them alphabetically.
17:40First one was Annabelle.
17:43Second one was Brenda.
17:46I think the third one was...
17:48I'm going to say Alison.
17:51Ah.
17:51I thought you were doing it alphabetically.
17:53No, I changed my mind.
17:55LAUGHTER
17:55The fourth one was Fiona.
17:58Fiona, that is actually fourth alphabetically as well,
18:00which is interesting.
18:02And the last one was called...
18:04Xena.
18:10And how do you know him?
18:12Because you must have a very close relationship with him to be.
18:14We were actually at school together.
18:16You went to school?
18:16Yes.
18:17LAUGHTER
18:19What does Glyn do for a living these days?
18:21He's an electrician.
18:23LAUGHTER
18:24He's not really an electrician.
18:25He's a dairy farmer.
18:27A dairy farmer.
18:29LAUGHTER
18:29LAUGHTER
18:33And the wedding to Annabelle, where was it?
18:36Oh, gosh, no.
18:37Why?
18:37We are going back because the first one was a long time ago.
18:40Yeah.
18:40I want to say Chichester, but I can't because it wasn't there.
18:45LAUGHTER
18:46Oldham.
18:47Oldham.
18:48Oldham.
18:48Big do in a church, reception at a hotel.
18:51It was a big do in a church, then a reception and a hotel.
18:54LAUGHTER
18:55It's easy when you've got David giving you the answers.
18:58Second one, registry office do, reception in a pub.
19:01Reception sort of thing, and then there was a sort of do in a pub.
19:04The third one was at one of those posh wedding venues
19:06where you can have the service and then the do all in the same place.
19:09The do was all in the same place, very posh.
19:11It was the fourth one, just actually a very private affair
19:13with just a couple of very kind of friends.
19:14It was very private and there wasn't a couple of friends there.
19:18The fifth one, of course, we were aware of
19:20cos it was in St Paul's Cathedral.
19:22LAUGHTER
19:24Who was your personal favourite wife?
19:26Ooh.
19:27I'd probably say Xena cos it's the only one I can remember from the list.
19:31LAUGHTER
19:32Did you do the same speech at each one?
19:36No, I changed the names.
19:38LAUGHTER
19:39Is Glyn caught at the moment?
19:41Courting.
19:41No, he's in court, funny enough.
19:43LAUGHTER
19:44Again.
19:46What's he in court for?
19:47Er, voyeurism of lactation.
19:50LAUGHTER
19:51I just wondered if there'd ever been any chemistry
19:54between you and these many wives.
19:56You're asking if I slept with his wife, aren't you?
19:58Just, when will you ever forgive me?
20:01LAUGHTER
20:01LAUGHTER
20:05Well...
20:05APPLAUSE
20:08All right, we need an answer.
20:10So, is Glyn Eddie's bed buddy, Lucy's awkward acquaintance
20:15or Lee's married mate?
20:17Er...
20:17Anyone you want to rule out at this stage?
20:20For example, Lee.
20:22LAUGHTER
20:24I think he's an electrician, this guy.
20:26Do you think he's an electrician?
20:27An adulterer, but an electrician by trade.
20:30LAUGHTER
20:30What are you thinking, Rebecca?
20:33I think it's the breast milk.
20:35Glyn has got the look of an electrician.
20:37He has, you know.
20:38He looks VAT registered to me, this guy.
20:41LAUGHTER
20:44Wait, wait, just so you don't think this man is Congolese.
20:46I just want to be clear.
20:48LAUGHTER
20:50Josh?
20:51Yeah, Lucy for me.
20:52Yeah, we can pull it back with this point.
20:54OK, we're hoping to score a point by saying
20:57that Lucy has been telling the truth.
20:59OK.
21:00Glyn, would you please reveal your true identity?
21:03Hi, my name's Glyn and Lucy can't look me in the eye.
21:06LAUGHTER
21:08APPLAUSE
21:10Yes, Glyn is Lucy's awkward acquaintance.
21:14Thank you very much, Glyn.
21:15APPLAUSE
21:16Thanks, Glyn.
21:18APPLAUSE
21:20Which brings us to our final round, Quickfire Lies,
21:23and we start with...
21:26It's David.
21:28Because I have such a small gullet...
21:33Whenever I have a headache,
21:34rather than struggle to swallow a tablet,
21:37I have two squirts of Kalpol.
21:41LAUGHTER
21:42These two?
21:44Um, OK.
21:45Do you do your own squirt,
21:46or does Victoria do it for you?
21:48LAUGHTER
21:49I can self-squirt.
21:50That's fine.
21:51LAUGHTER
21:52Do you remember the first time you realised this is an issue?
21:56LAUGHTER
21:56Oh, I mean...
21:57About 15 seconds ago.
21:59I've always...
21:59I've always had terrible trouble with tablets,
22:02and so it was a great relief.
22:05When we had our daughter,
22:06I discovered this form of paracetamol
22:09that was, you know, so easy to ingest.
22:11And how much are you having of it?
22:13I have two squirts.
22:15Have you ever overdone it?
22:18No, not on the paracetamol.
22:21David's never overdone it in any area, obviously.
22:24LAUGHTER
22:25Talk me through the process.
22:26Every detail.
22:27Well, in the manufacturing process...
22:29No, no, no.
22:30You take it.
22:31There's a bottle of it,
22:32and you take the top off the bottle.
22:34Do you struggle with the top?
22:35I do sometimes.
22:36You have to push and turn.
22:38Yes.
22:38Yeah.
22:39My daughter shows me how.
22:41LAUGHTER
22:42Then you...
22:43There's a sort of syringe-y thing.
22:44It's just a squirty tube, really.
22:46Oh.
22:46And then you put that in the top,
22:48then you invert the bottle.
22:50Frightening moment, but it usually goes OK.
22:52Then you pull out the plunger.
22:55It fills with cowpole.
22:57Reverse.
22:58Remove.
22:59Squirt.
23:00Golden.
23:01LAUGHTER
23:03David, have you tried any other method?
23:05Why?
23:06I found a method that works.
23:08What, stealing your daughter's medicine?
23:09No, I...
23:10Start stealing it.
23:11I mean, let's be honest,
23:12she doesn't buy her own cowpole, does she?
23:14LAUGHTER
23:15Well, I have one more question.
23:17Oh, yes.
23:17Do you eat hair snacks?
23:19Hair snacks?
23:21LAUGHTER
23:21LAUGHTER
23:24LAUGHTER
23:26LAUGHTER
23:28Her snacks?
23:30No.
23:30No.
23:31If you wouldn't nick her snacks,
23:33why would you nick her medicine?
23:35That's my theory.
23:36What are you thinking, Lee?
23:37I think it's a lie.
23:39Got the lie.
23:40You think it's a lie?
23:41I think it's...
23:42Well, say it's a lie.
23:42It's a lie.
23:43They think it's a lie, David.
23:44Was it a lie or was it true?
23:46It was...
23:47a lie.
23:48APPLAUSE
23:51Yes, it's a lie.
23:53David doesn't have a small gallop.
23:55Next.
23:56BUZZER
23:57It is Josh.
24:00Last year, I won a dogs who looked like their owner's competition.
24:03Even though I'd not entered, I'd just stopped to watch.
24:06LAUGHTER
24:07Please, Steve.
24:10OK, first of all, where was it?
24:12It was at a town and country show.
24:14What dog won?
24:15Can we guess?
24:16Feel free.
24:17Poodle?
24:18No.
24:19Shit-zoo.
24:22You just wanted to say that, didn't you?
24:23No, it's best.
24:24Dog that came from now.
24:24It's best to call them shift-zoo.
24:27LAUGHTER
24:29Was it a labradoodle?
24:30I'm not a dog expert, but I'll tell you what a good-looking dog it was.
24:34LAUGHTER
24:36Did you have a dog with you when you stumbled upon this competition?
24:39I had no dog with me at all.
24:40I was there just with my wife and kids.
24:42So you went in with someone else's dog?
24:44Yeah, he approached me.
24:45Yeah.
24:45He says, you look like my dog.
24:48LAUGHTER
24:48That's it.
24:49It's a bold opener, that!
24:51LAUGHTER
24:52What did you have to do in the competition?
24:54Just had to parade, do a little story about the dog and just...
24:56Oh, do tell.
24:59Obviously, I would never do it on this show, but I had to lie at the time about...
25:02LAUGHTER
25:03What did you say?
25:04Just that it was my dog and I'd had him since a pup and all this.
25:07Did you know its name?
25:08It was Hugo.
25:09It was called Hugo.
25:10What did you say?
25:10What was the story?
25:11Just said, like, I'd rescued him.
25:13From?
25:13From, er, you know, the brink, really.
25:16LAUGHTER
25:19It was a close call between me and second place.
25:21Right.
25:22But what sealed it was the twinkle in the dog's eye.
25:27Right.
25:27OK.
25:28And the way you urinate.
25:30LAUGHTER
25:34What are you thinking, Eddie?
25:35The dog's called Hugo.
25:37Yeah.
25:37No.
25:39LAUGHTER
25:40Hugo.
25:40Who calls the dog Hugo?
25:42Well, it's the opposite of stay.
25:45LAUGHTER
25:48So, what are you going to say?
25:50Let's go with true.
25:51True?
25:51Yeah, true.
25:52I will go with my team and say it's true and then blame them.
25:56OK, they're saying it's true.
25:57Josh, was it true or was it a lie?
25:59It was...
26:00A lie.
26:02Oh!
26:03APPLAUSE
26:05It's a lie.
26:07Josh does not look like his dog.
26:10Next.
26:11It's...
26:12Lucy.
26:14Once on a train, I was the victim of a snack attack.
26:17LAUGHTER
26:18Describe the snack attack, please.
26:20Sorry, firstly, are you OK, David?
26:23LAUGHTER
26:24I was on a train and I fell asleep and there was a gang of teenagers
26:31and then I woke up and they got off, you know, a wagon wheel.
26:35They'd partied a wagon wheel and they'd stick it to my forehead.
26:41LAUGHTER
26:41While you were asleep?
26:43Yeah.
26:44And you didn't realise until they'd left...
26:47I woke up and I could see them getting off laughing
26:49and then I could feel I had a...
26:52a wagon wheel on my forehead.
26:54LAUGHTER
26:55There's a lot of gangs of kids actually do carry wagon wheels now.
26:59LAUGHTER
27:00Is this an isolated incident, Lucy,
27:02or has other things like this ever happened to you?
27:05Ever since that happened, I'd been looking,
27:07has anything humiliating like that ever happened to someone else
27:11in public?
27:12And then I saw a woman I was on the other way to a gig
27:15and she had, you know, one of them massive rollers in her hair,
27:18you know, just in a fringe?
27:20Yes.
27:20Like that, she was stood at a bus stop.
27:22And a boy on a bike went past and put a sausage through it.
27:26LAUGHTER
27:28LAUGHTER
27:30And left and just put it through and then caught it in the other end
27:32and then off he goes again.
27:34In Glasgow!
27:36Rebecca, what are you thinking?
27:37Well, I'm ever so sorry that happened.
27:40LAUGHTER
27:40Do you think it's true?
27:41Yes.
27:42OK.
27:43Josh, what do you think?
27:44Sadly, Rob, the way this country's going at the moment,
27:46I think it's true.
27:47LAUGHTER
27:52Well, David, they've made it very easy for you.
27:54Yes, I think it's true as well.
27:55Lucy, we all think it's true.
27:57Was it true or was it a lie?
27:59It is...
28:01It is...
28:05It's true.
28:06Lucy was the victim of a snack attack.
28:09All that noise signals time is up.
28:12It's the end of the show.
28:12Well, I can reveal that Lee's team has won by four points to three.
28:18APPLAUSE
28:21Thanks for watching.
28:22We'll see you next time.
28:22Good night.
28:25APPLAUSE
28:26New comedy comes to BBC Three tonight.
28:28Aussie hit Guy Montgomery's Guy Mont Spelling Bee just starting.
28:33Here on BBC One, killer secrets surface in an exclusive couple's retreat.
28:39Brand new Death in Paradise next.
28:42APPLAUSE
28:42.
28:42.
28:42.
28:42.
28:42.
28:42.
28:46.
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