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Jupiter Moon is a science fiction soap opera television series first broadcast by British Satellite Broadcasting's Galaxy channel in 1990. 150 episodes were commissioned and made, but only the first 108 were broadcast before the closure of BSB. Episodes 109–150 were first shown in the UK on the Sci Fi Channel in 1996.

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Transcript
00:01This is Dr. Chazanong. We are receiving you clearly.
00:04Good morning, Doctor. How's our patient?
00:06He's fine. How's the camera image at your end?
00:09I feel like I'm right there with you, Ilya.
00:12We're ready when you are, lads.
00:15We'll start with the right eye.
00:18Steady as she goes.
00:32Steady as she goes.
01:04Hello. Oh, hello.
01:06How do you feel? Lousy.
01:08There's just a local anesthetic. Eyes are very sore.
01:10Don't touch them. Whatever you do, don't touch them.
01:14How long am I going to have to lie here like this?
01:15Well, we'll take the patches off this evening.
01:18Until then, I don't suppose you really know.
01:20Well, the science from Mediscan are very encouraging.
01:23Good. Great. When will he be back on duty? That's what I'm concerned about.
01:27Assuming all's gone well, we should have him fit for light duties in a matter of days.
01:31Hear that, Finbo?
01:32Of course I heard that. They haven't operated on my ears.
01:35No one's ever claimed I had radiated ears.
01:37Oh, cheer up, Finbo. We soon have you back in Consen.
01:40Oh, we're on the first liner back to Earth.
01:42I've got to go.
01:43Oh?
01:43I'll try and call in before I go down to Space City.
01:45See you later.
01:49Well, she didn't stay long, did she?
01:51Do you want the radio on?
01:52No, no, no. I don't think I could stand Ruby Camara now.
01:55Well, what about a couple of discs?
01:56I could get some talking books patched through, if you like.
01:58Oh, that would be nice. Thanks.
01:59Yeah, what do you fancy?
02:00It doesn't matter.
02:02As long as it's nothing modern.
02:05I think it'll be best if you let us handle this in the first instance.
02:09OK, I'll leave it with you, for the time being.
02:12Security.
02:13They want to put the thumb screws on Tim Shaw.
02:16What do they think he's got?
02:17They don't know.
02:18But there's some pretty exotic animals on that list.
02:21Sort of exotic. Tigers? Wolves?
02:24Rodents, apes, iguanas.
02:27The thought police think Tim Shaw's smuggling apes and iguanas onto this ship.
02:31They regard him as some sort of master criminal.
02:33My God.
02:34Well, whatever it is, it's all yours.
02:36I'm at the Board of Inquiry all day.
02:38Yeah, I'll sort it out.
02:39Oh, don't hand him over to security.
02:41Oh, Fuller's all right. He's got kids of his own.
02:43Even so.
02:43Shuttle departs. T-minus five minutes.
02:46Right.
02:46All passengers to the airlock.
02:48How do I look?
02:50Fine.
02:51You gonna make a night of it?
02:52No, I'll be back on the six o'clock shuttle.
02:54I want to be here when Finbo's bandages come off.
03:01You can fool Rebecca, Tim.
03:03You can fool Daniel, but you can't fool me.
03:05I'm not trying to fool anybody, Melody.
03:09I know when you're up for something.
03:11I always have.
03:12Oh, honestly.
03:14You know, I sometimes wonder whether you know what that word actually means.
03:18Why do you do these things?
03:20I haven't done anything.
03:21Is it attention?
03:23Oh, Tim, is that what this is all about?
03:25You feel I've neglected you.
03:27Melody, you're beginning to sound like a mother already.
03:29Can you just trust me, please?
03:33You know, I've done that one too many times before.
03:35I'm innocent.
03:37Innocent of what?
03:38Of everything.
03:40Oh, no, Tim.
03:42You just look innocent.
03:44You know, I think that's what's been your downfall.
03:48You get away with things.
03:50And when you do get away with something, you do something even worse.
03:53Melody, for the 19th time, there is nothing going on.
03:56Tim Shaw and Fiona McBride to Comsett, please.
03:59Tim Shaw and Fiona McBride to Comsett.
04:03Oh, God, I've got to be in the study lab in ten minutes.
04:07I'm never going to get this lot learnt in two days.
04:10It took me four.
04:12I'm sorry, Anna.
04:13I didn't even want the part.
04:14It's all right.
04:15It's not your fault.
04:16Listen, you can have it back with pleasure.
04:17No, Byron and I have reached the point of no return.
04:21You couldn't do me a big favour, could you?
04:23I wouldn't ask you if I wasn't desperate.
04:25Sure, what is it?
04:26Well, it's just that I think I'd find it a lot easier learning these lines
04:30if someone was to take the other part.
04:31But Gabby keeps disappearing off with Phaedoc.
04:34You want me to be Juliet?
04:35Would you?
04:36Which act?
04:38Just from the end of Act One, just from there.
04:40I don't need text, Sarah.
04:41All right.
04:42Come hither, nurse.
04:44What is yon gentleman?
04:45The son and heir of old Tiberio.
04:48What's he that now is going out of door?
04:51Marry, I think, marry, I think, that be...
04:54Marry, that I think, be young Patricio.
04:58Yeah.
04:59Marry, that I think, be young Patricio.
05:12I've managed to persuade security to let us handle this.
05:16Handle what?
05:16We don't know anything about it.
05:18About what?
05:19About anything.
05:21Well, there's a stolen animal on board.
05:24And I want to know what it is and where it is.
05:28If I knew, I'd tell you.
05:29Oh, come on.
05:30You've both been seen talking to that Barnes woman in the Stardust.
05:33Well, I met her daughter on Island Five.
05:35Yes, I know.
05:36Elva.
05:37It's been recorded by security.
05:39It's in the records.
05:40They're not allowed to do that.
05:42Aren't they, miss?
05:42Are you going to tell them that?
05:44I don't mind.
05:45Look, she's a track record of socially maladjusted alternative behaviour.
05:48I'm quoting security, you understand, not myself.
05:51That doesn't make Tim guilty.
05:53It makes him a strong suspect, especially given his own track record.
05:57Look, I want to help you, really, I do.
05:59We both do.
06:00Only I don't know anything about any animals.
06:03I think you'd both better go away and think about this.
06:08The longer you drag this thing out, the harder it'll be for you and your little friend.
06:15Whatever it is.
06:18Yeah, and they took rabbits.
06:19I don't mind rabbits.
06:22Snakes, rats.
06:24Oh, don't.
06:25I even heard they got one of those spiders that eats people's faces.
06:29Oh, Byron, you are sick.
06:30Do you know that?
06:31There's no such thing.
06:32No, I promise.
06:33They numb your face while you're asleep, and then they tuck in.
06:39That is obscene.
06:41It's nature.
06:43The chap I heard about, he woke up one morning, went into the bathroom, looked at himself in the mirror,
06:49walked calmly into the bedroom, shot himself.
06:52Even if that's true, Byron, which I doubt, people do not go around liberating spiders.
06:58Why?
06:59Why not?
07:00Spiders can suffer.
07:01Why would they have spiders on Island 5 anyway?
07:04What's on Island 5?
07:06Oh, he's on about the animal liberators.
07:08Come on, Melody.
07:09What's he got?
07:10What's who got?
07:11Tim.
07:12Tim.
07:13Whisper in Space City as he's a master criminal.
07:16Hey, you never said that.
07:18No, that's why the thought police are after him.
07:20For stealing Iguanas.
07:21No, it's not true, Melody.
07:22He's making it up.
07:23He isn't.
07:25God, I'm going to kill him.
07:26This time, I'm really going to do it.
07:29Melody.
07:31Melody.
07:34It's no good.
07:35They know everything.
07:36No, they don't.
07:37If they knew everything, they'd be up here.
07:39Tim, I don't fancy being grilled by security.
07:41Space City, they're junior leave.
07:43How do you know?
07:44Oh, you should see those boys on Island 5.
07:46I should never have got involved in this.
07:48Listen, they'll probably try and work on us separately.
07:50There'll be one nice one and one nasty one.
07:52Insist that Rebecca's present.
07:53You're entitled to that.
07:54Are you sure?
07:55Of course I'm sure.
07:56And if they lean on you too hard, she's bound to step in.
07:59You've got this all worked out, haven't you?
08:01Say as little as possible.
08:03And if you have to lie, keep as close to the truth as you can.
08:08Melody's right.
08:09You're a natural criminal.
08:13Right, you've got to.
08:14Melody, get off!
08:16Okay.
08:16What is it?
08:17What's what?
08:18Don't play games with me, Tim.
08:20I know what you're up to.
08:21Now, what is it and where is it?
08:23It's none of your business.
08:24I'm making it my business.
08:26I'm your sister and I can do things to you.
08:28Security can't.
08:29Oh, Melody!
08:30I'm sorry, Tim, but this is for your own good.
08:33Perhaps you need to get caught.
08:34Perhaps you subconsciously want to get caught.
08:36Yeah, perhaps that's it.
08:37I don't want to get caught and I'm not going to.
08:39Look, this is all going to be over in a few days.
08:41Timmy, you're off your head.
08:43Pinching chocolate viscous is one thing,
08:44but smuggling a dangerous animal on board...
08:47He's not dangerous.
08:48Well, not if you treat him right.
08:50Oh, my God, Timmy.
08:51Just keep out of it, Melody.
08:52What is it?
08:53Melody, just keep out!
08:55It's an iguana.
08:57I know, it's an iguana.
08:59Oh, don't be stupid, Melody.
09:00I don't even know what an iguana is.
09:01Then what is it, then?
09:03A hamster.
09:05A what?
09:06A hamster!
09:07Oh.
09:09Come on, let's go.
09:14So much for keeping shtum till the heat's off.
09:17In here?
09:18It's in here?
09:19Yeah.
09:19So much for the master criminal of Island Five.
09:22Have you got an older sister?
09:23No.
09:24Well, shut up, then.
09:25Well, come on, where is it?
09:28I'm surprised at you, Fiona.
09:29Oh, shut up.
09:30You are older than he is.
09:32Yeah, well, don't talk to me like a kid, then, OK?
09:34Melody, meet Charles.
09:37Oh, Charles.
09:38Isn't he lovely?
09:40Yeah.
09:40I got him off Elva's mother.
09:41It was her friend Tranquility that did the raid.
09:43Isn't he just the sweetest thing?
09:45Look, are you sure he hasn't been infected with anything?
09:48No.
09:48We hadn't got round to using him yet.
09:50Oh, you should have seen him when we first got him.
09:51He was a nervous wreck.
09:53How could you tell?
09:54Well, he didn't do anything.
09:55He just snuggled down in the shavings and looked at us suspiciously.
09:57Now he's full of beans, aren't you, Charles A?
10:00That's because he knows he's a mother's friend.
10:02Yeah, of course he does.
10:03Come on.
10:03Tim.
10:04Fiona.
10:06He's going to have to go back.
10:08You know that, don't you?
10:12Right, before we start, I've got an announcement.
10:15This morning, I heard from my old mate, Imran Akhtar.
10:20He's running a two-day survival course out of Simpson Basin, Valhalla,
10:23starting tomorrow morning.
10:26He's willing, but God only knows why,
10:29to take two students from the Iliad who are EVA 1 or 2 qualified.
10:34Trip to include, trek across Valhalla in EVA suits
10:37and a night out in a space bubble.
10:40So I'll feed all the relevant names into Petra
10:43and she can do a random selection.
10:45Two winners, two runners-up.
10:47Oh, you're lovely.
10:48You like it, don't you?
10:50They do unspeakable things in those labs, Melody.
10:53I know.
10:53We saved him from a certain and painful death.
10:55Yeah, I know all that, but you can't keep him on this ship.
10:58Why not?
11:00We've got Jack.
11:02Jack isn't a rodent.
11:04Think of all the wiring on this ship, Fiona.
11:06If Charles got out, he could cause havoc.
11:08Yeah, but he's not going to get out.
11:09You can't guarantee that, Tim.
11:11Nobody can.
11:13I'm sorry, but he's going to have to go.
11:15No!
11:17They know you've got him.
11:19I'm not sending him back there.
11:20I don't care what they do.
11:21Then maybe we can find a nice home for him on Calista or something.
11:23Melody, they want him back so they can torture him to death.
11:26The only safe place for him is up here.
11:28But they know he's up here.
11:30It's only a matter of time before they find him
11:32and then you're both going to be in big trouble.
11:36She's right, Tim.
11:39I don't want to see him go any more than you do.
11:42We've got no choice.
11:45Come on.
11:46Let's go to Compson.
11:47You'd better take him with us.
11:48No, he's staying here.
11:50And I'm staying with him.
12:09A hamster by the name of Charles.
12:13I didn't make Tim he come.
12:14He came with his own accord.
12:15Well, it's a good job you did.
12:17So where is the hamster now?
12:20In the dome.
12:21Not loose, I hope.
12:22Oh, no, no.
12:22He's in his box.
12:23He's quite safe.
12:24Right.
12:25Let's go and see him.
12:27Yeah, I'll put a call through the Space City.
12:29Let them know we've got him.
12:30Oh, Christophe,
12:31you will put a good word in for him, won't you?
12:33Tim or Charles?
12:36Both.
12:37The hamster has to go back.
12:39It's as simple as that.
12:40That's for Tim.
12:41I don't care what happens to me any more.
12:43What I do.
12:44Well, I'll do what I can.
12:46I don't suppose receiving a stolen hamster is a capital offence.
12:50Yet.
12:54I hope you're word perfect on that.
12:56Nearly.
12:57Nearly.
12:58Nearly.
12:59What's the good of nearly?
13:03Why aren't you rehearsing?
13:04Where's Sarah?
13:05I think she's visiting Pimbo.
13:07Oh, this is hopeless.
13:10Anna, darling.
13:12Yes?
13:13It's a lovely dress.
13:15Would you do me a really big favour?
13:17What?
13:18Come here.
13:19Come on.
13:20Oh.
13:22Now, just sit down here.
13:23Help Gabriella with her lines.
13:25I suppose you want me to be the nurse.
13:27Would you?
13:29Byron, you can't ask Anna to do that.
13:31It's not fair.
13:32Why not?
13:32Anna's all right.
13:35Right.
13:35Well, that's the two of you, usefully employed.
13:39You don't have to do this, really.
13:42It's all right.
13:43Where are you?
13:45Just here.
13:46It's okay.
13:47I don't need text.
13:49Okay.
13:52Now, good sweet nurse.
13:54Oh, Lord.
13:55Why lookest thou so sad?
14:02That's wonderful.
14:03That's just wonderful.
14:05Oh, my God.
14:07Fiona, you've done it now.
14:08I haven't done anything.
14:09How could you?
14:10I haven't done anything, all right?
14:12Have you any idea of the damage that thing could cause?
14:14Yeah, I'm not stupid.
14:16Look, why do you think the rules are so strict?
14:18We don't just invent them to make life difficult for little boys, you know.
14:21Well, you really are in trouble now, both of you.
14:23Look, can we just concentrate on finding this damn thing?
14:25I saw something move over there.
14:27Where?
14:27Over there, by the ganache tree.
14:30Yes?
14:31Christoph, have you spoken to Space City yet about the hamster?
14:34Yeah, I said we'd send it down on the next shuttle, the 1830.
14:36Why, what's wrong?
14:37Don't ask.
14:39Right, you lot, you've got one hour to find them.
14:41In the meantime, I'm going to go and talk to Christoph about poisons.
14:46Do you know how old I am, Sarah?
14:4925.
14:5026.
14:51I could have been a captain by now, do you know that?
14:54Don't point looking back, Fimbo.
14:56Looking back, we could all have been lots of things.
14:58Oh, no, no, I'm not complaining.
15:00I'm very lucky to be a first officer, I realise that, but I...
15:04I can't help thinking what might have been.
15:07It might still be.
15:09Oh, yes, yes, I haven't given up hope, don't worry.
15:11Oh, that's a spirit.
15:12But, well...
15:15I've been thinking about aspects of my life that I've missed out on.
15:19Like what?
15:20Relationships.
15:22Oh, those.
15:23Girlfriends.
15:24Marriage, even.
15:26And I always thought space was your mistress.
15:29Space can be very cold, terror, very uninviting.
15:33Yeah.
15:34Yeah, well, it wouldn't suit me, I must admit.
15:36No.
15:37Not me.
15:39Not anymore.
15:42Sarah, are you still there?
15:44Yeah.
15:45Yeah.
15:47I've got something to tell you.
15:51Ilya to Shaka.
15:53Adopt close approach manoeuvre procedures.
15:56Do you copy our projected ETA?
15:59Roger, Ilya.
16:00Docking T-minus, one minute twenty-five.
16:03Cheers.
16:03Come on.
16:04Come on.
16:09Come on.
16:10Come on.
16:11Come on.
16:11Come on.
16:12Oh.
16:13Good job.
16:14It's the real thing this time, Sarah.
16:16It's a bit sudden, isn't it?
16:18Well, that's how it happens.
16:19I mean, wasn't it the same with you and, um...
16:20Bob.
16:21Yeah, Bob.
16:22Bob.
16:23After Halinda, I never thought I'd feel this way about anyone again.
16:27Well, it just shows, eh?
16:28And then Rebecca came along.
16:29Rebecca?
16:30Oh, I shouldn't be talking about this.
16:32No, it's just I didn't realise anything ever...
16:34No, no, no.
16:35Nothing did happen.
16:36She, um...
16:36Well, she didn't think of me in that way.
16:38Oh.
16:39No accounting for taste, eh?
16:41It used to worry me for a bit.
16:43But now I realise that it wasn't meant to be.
16:46It was all a plan.
16:47Are you sure about all this, Fimbo?
16:50The first time she stepped into that shuttle and she took off her helmet and, you know, she
16:56kissed me.
16:57She was half frozen and half dead and we still had to fight our way back through the sulphur
17:01plumes, but she threw her arms around my neck and she laughed and she kissed me.
17:10And she never thought I was a fool.
17:14Uh, do you want the good news or the bad news first?
17:18The good news.
17:18We could do with some good news.
17:19You better sit down.
17:23It's only one hamster.
17:25And?
17:26It's loose.
17:28In the dome.
17:29How the hell did you let that happen?
17:30I didn't let it happen.
17:32Do Space City know?
17:33Yeah, they know we've got a hamster, but they think it's under lock and key.
17:38A reasonable assumption.
17:39Look, this is not my fault.
17:41All right.
17:42All right.
17:43I'm sorry.
17:47What do we do now?
17:48This is completely outside my experience.
17:51Have you ever heard of anything like it?
17:54Well, there was that hydrogen freight for a few years back.
17:56No, no, no.
17:57That was mice.
17:58Quite a lot of mice.
17:59It's the same problem.
18:00How did they deal with it?
18:02They abandoned ship.
18:05Well, you must admit, Fiona, bringing him aboard was pretty irresponsible.
18:09Have you any idea what goes on in those labs, Finbo?
18:11Yes, and I don't like it any more than you do.
18:14Everybody says that, but nobody's prepared to actually do anything.
18:16Well, sometimes when we do something, it can do more harm than good.
18:20Just think of him as a donkey, Finbo, and then you'll know how we feel.
18:23It's very hard to think of a hamster as a donkey.
18:26They don't eat through wiring and panelling,
18:28and if we had a donkey loose in the dome, we'd probably be able to find him.
18:32I hope they never find him.
18:34You better hope they do.
18:34There are 2,000 kilometers of wiring in this ship.
18:37A short circuit in the wrong place, and the life support systems could go down.
18:40But if they find him, they'll kill him, Finbo.
18:42But if they don't find him, he might kill us all.
18:48Captain, do you think I could have a word a minute?
18:50I'm rather busy. Can't it wait?
18:52Well, it's a personal matter.
18:55Would you have bothered Captain Creasy with it?
18:58No.
18:59Then don't bother me. I don't deal with students' problems.
19:01Rebecca will be back tomorrow.
19:02Well, it's not about the students. It's about Finbo.
19:06Why? What's wrong?
19:07Oh, nothing. Physically, as far as I know.
19:11What is it, then?
19:13Well, I've just been talking to him, right?
19:16Finbo and me, we've been friends for quite a long time.
19:19Yes?
19:19So he tells me things that he perhaps wouldn't tell anybody else.
19:25And the thing is, he's fallen in love.
19:29That's allowed, isn't it?
19:31Yeah, of course it is.
19:33Oh, I see.
19:35You don't feel the same way about him.
19:38I'm sorry. I can't help you there.
19:41No, I don't think you understand.
19:43You see, it's not me.
19:45It's you.
19:48Sweet, sweet, sweet nurse.
19:50Tell me what says my love.
19:52Attention, please.
19:53Results of the EVA practical lottery.
19:56Winners, Victoria Frobisher, Gabriella Tamsey.
20:00Oh, my God! I won! I won!
20:03Two days at Simpson Bay, a night in a space bubble.
20:05Are you going?
20:06Of course I'm going. You bet I'm going.
20:08You won't catch me out at Simpson Bay.
20:10You won't catch her out there either.
20:13You try and stop me.
20:14In case you'd forgotten, you're playing Juliet at 7 o'clock on Wednesday night.
20:18I'll be back by Wednesday lunchtime.
20:20And when are we going to rehearse?
20:22I can work on my lines out there.
20:23There's not much to do in those survival pods.
20:25You've got a lot more than just your lines to learn.
20:27I'm sorry. I'm putting my foot down this time.
20:29You can put your foot where you like, lovey.
20:31I'm going.
20:33I'm too scared.
20:34I mean Valhalla.
20:36I am petrified, which is exactly why I've got to go.
20:39Come on.
20:42And he just came out with me just like that.
20:45Yeah.
20:47But I hardly know him.
20:48Well, if you knew Fimbo a little better, then you'd know that that doesn't really matter.
20:53I haven't done anything to encourage him.
20:56Yeah, well, you've been nice to him, you see.
20:58You've stuck up for him.
21:00He saved my life.
21:01Well, Fimbo's very clever and very brave and all that, but...
21:05Well, he's got an emotional age of about six.
21:09That's not very kind.
21:10I didn't mean it like that.
21:12I just don't want him to get hurt.
21:15I don't believe this.
21:16I've been in command one day.
21:18My ship's under threat from a rogue hamster.
21:21My first officer wants to marry me.
21:24Welcome to the Illya.
21:28We've laid on a special shuttle.
21:30Yeah.
21:30Calling here tomorrow at 15.30.
21:32I'll be ready.
21:33I'll be totally ready.
21:35Drummond?
21:36Yes?
21:37Byron, this is important.
21:38Please go away.
21:40This is important, too.
21:42She has a dress rehearsal Wednesday morning.
21:44Is she going to be back in time?
21:46Oh, 1,400 at the earliest, old man.
21:48You'll get by without me.
21:49We cannot do Romeo and Juliet without Juliet.
21:53Not even I can do Romeo and Juliet without Juliet.
21:57You had better work out where your priorities lie.
22:01I already have.
22:02I'm not giving this one up for anybody.
22:05Good girl.
22:08Right, Finbo.
22:10The time has come.
22:12Is Natasha here?
22:13Yes, Finbo.
22:14I'm here.
22:15Now, the lights have been turned down,
22:16so your eyes won't be dazzled, okay?
22:18Okay.
22:20Right.
22:21Ready?
22:22Ready as I'll ever be.
22:24Now, remember, if this hasn't worked,
22:25it's not the end of the world, okay?
22:27Don't worry.
22:28I won't see.
22:30How's that, Finbo?
22:32Can you see anything?
22:33How does it look?
22:35Perfect.
22:38Absolutely perfect.
22:41We've told you everything.
22:43We've been through this three times now.
22:46Is this really necessary?
22:47Bear with me.
22:49I just want to ask Timmy one simple question
22:53about his name.
22:55My name?
22:55His name, the Hamsters.
22:58Was he Charles when you got him?
23:00What's that got to do with anything?
23:02Well, he won't answer to it, will he?
23:04Tim.
23:05Well, he didn't have a name,
23:07so I called him Charles.
23:09Yes, I won't ask why.
23:12I don't suppose you're an expert in hamster sexing?
23:16Oh, no.
23:18You mean Charles might be a lady hamster?
23:21It's a little better than that, Melody.
23:23I've just been speaking to Island Five.
23:26There's a 50-50 chance that Charles is pregnant.
23:29Take two.
23:33Let's go.
23:48Here we go.
23:50Here we go.
24:03¶¶
24:25¶¶
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