- 1 day ago
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00:08I have to tell you about my weekend that involved a very handsy Russian lady.
00:15Okay.
00:16What did you do, Dave?
00:16I've been looking for that.
00:19So, okay, so Amber and I had a little couples getaway.
00:22I bet.
00:23I bet you did.
00:23Oh, relax.
00:25It was like her Christmas gift to me.
00:27Okay.
00:28Right?
00:28Now, is this a couple?
00:30A couple's getaway or a couple's getaway?
00:32Just us, Chuck.
00:32Because you said couples.
00:34And I thought.
00:35And that's what people call it.
00:36A couple's getaway.
00:36I would call it a couple if I were you.
00:38Okay.
00:38One couple getting away.
00:40Yeah.
00:41Couple couples.
00:41With no other couples involved.
00:42Okay.
00:43That's good.
00:43So, anyway, she, that, you know, we've decided instead of buying stuff for each other, we're
00:49just going to plan little experiences.
00:51Sure.
00:52Right?
00:52Sure.
00:53Life.
00:53And so that was, her gift to me was a weekend away.
00:57So, we, you know, went away.
01:01Amber had set everything up.
01:02Dinners.
01:04And also a spa.
01:06Here we go again.
01:08Another spa session.
01:09Another spa session.
01:10Amber loves a spa session.
01:11Yeah.
01:11Sure.
01:11So, I just, it's her gift to me, aka, she's also getting stuff done.
01:17Right.
01:17Yeah.
01:18Of course.
01:18So, when she booked it online, she didn't read it through what this service was.
01:25There's been a few times where she doesn't read things fully through.
01:28She doesn't.
01:29She's a skimmer.
01:30Yeah.
01:31Right?
01:31She's like, yeah, looks good.
01:32Looks good.
01:33Skim, skim, skim.
01:33Skim.
01:33So, she booked both of us the same thing.
01:35They come out to get us to take us back to the rooms for the service.
01:39Okay.
01:40She has the most gorgeous, gorgeous Asian woman I've ever seen in my life.
01:46Son of a bitch.
01:48No, like, you guys, this woman could be a model.
01:51She was that attractive.
01:53And?
01:53And I get.
01:55Helga.
01:56Hungry Helga.
01:57Yeah.
01:57The Russian immigrant.
01:59She's going to be rough on you.
02:00Oh, you could tell she was mean.
02:03If he dies, he dies.
02:04Mr. Hunter, you with me.
02:07I'm like, oh, my God.
02:09Can I get the cute Asian?
02:11No, you can't.
02:12You can't.
02:12You can't ask for that, by the way.
02:13I thought that in my head.
02:14Can you imagine if I said that?
02:15Actually, can I take the cute Asian?
02:17Nope.
02:17You just got to keep going until you get it.
02:19Oh, my God.
02:19It might be the end of spa weekend.
02:21Yeah.
02:21Done.
02:22If you said that.
02:22Done.
02:23Yeah.
02:23So, anyways, Amber goes into her room with her beautiful, model-like Asian masseuse.
02:30I go with Greedy Gretchen.
02:33Oh, yeah.
02:34She takes me into a room.
02:35You guys, it wasn't a regular massage.
02:38What was it?
02:39Which Amber and I had a big discussion about later about how she has to read things through.
02:43Okay.
02:44Oh.
02:44What was it?
02:45It was a body scrub.
02:48Huh?
02:48You went through that?
02:49And massage.
02:50You got scrubbed?
02:52This woman scrubbed me down.
02:54So, you don't have a single piece of old skin on you?
02:57Not at-
02:57Listen, I'm surprised I have any skin.
02:59Yeah.
03:00Yeah.
03:00Brady Gretchen, I thought she was using sandpaper.
03:02Well, she probably was.
03:03And you know, when you're trying to be a man about it, and be like, mm, mm.
03:06Yeah.
03:07It was so effing sore.
03:09I thought I was bleeding.
03:11I thought, well, my back is probably bleeding out right now.
03:13Oh, no.
03:13How did she rinse you off?
03:15She had to rinse you, right?
03:17So, there's a shower in the room.
03:19Uh-huh.
03:20Very nice.
03:21So uncomfortable, that whole thing.
03:23But it's totally uncomfortable.
03:25Because she's like, I prefer you not wear underwear, but there are some if you must.
03:29Oh, my God!
03:30Not wear underwear?
03:31Yeah, I prefer I don't either.
03:32Because she was scrubbing right up.
03:33She wasn't.
03:34She didn't go to the genitals.
03:35Yeah.
03:36But she went close.
03:37Scrub your ass cheeks?
03:39No, right to the bottom of the cheeks.
03:41Oh, I bet.
03:42That didn't seem confident, did it?
03:43So, she exfoliated everything but your ass cheeks?
03:47I bet they did.
03:48Come on.
03:48Yes!
03:49No, they did not.
03:50Anyway.
03:51You can't just leave one area.
03:52No, they can't.
03:53She did not.
03:54Oh, I want an old ass.
03:55Your ass is now like seven years older than the rest of your body.
03:59Anyways, Lisa.
04:00Yeah.
04:00I'll just talk to Lisa.
04:01Okay, yeah.
04:02She's the reasonable one here.
04:04So, she says, okay, I would leave room, you shower, and then lay back down.
04:11Okay.
04:11Okay?
04:12So, she does her business.
04:16Yeah.
04:16She leaves.
04:17I get up.
04:19Of course, I'm nude.
04:20In the shower.
04:21It's like frosted glass.
04:23Sure.
04:23The room is dark.
04:24The light's on in the shower.
04:26She comes back into the room.
04:27Hello, Dave.
04:28Well, she wanted you naked.
04:30What?
04:31And I'm like, oh!
04:32So, I'm facing the other way.
04:34Oh, very.
04:35This is awesome.
04:36Because you can see right into the shower.
04:38Come on in.
04:39She had to change the, like, bedding because it was all full of all the scrub salt before the massage.
04:46So, she's doing that, but doesn't tell me that she's going to come back in.
04:51Right.
04:51And then, I wait to hear the door close again for her to leave before I can come out of
04:56the shower.
04:57Right.
04:57And dry off and get back on the table.
05:00It was the weirdest experience.
05:02Yeah.
05:02The massages I've seen in the shower, usually they get right in.
05:07And then they put soap all over themselves.
05:09This was a professional place, Chuck.
05:11It wasn't a...
05:12But she was, not only did she almost scrub my skin right off of me, the massage, oh, my God.
05:19I mean, it felt good, but beat me down.
05:22She was an angry Russian.
05:23She got in there.
05:24They got a lot to be upset about right now, you know?
05:26That's true.
05:26They got a lot to be upset about.
05:28I mean, she should be happy.
05:29She's not there.
05:30Well.
05:32Oh, yeah.
05:33But it was...
05:33So, I come out, I'm like, Amber, did you maybe want to mention to me that I was going
05:39to be scrubbed down by this angry Russian lady?
05:41She's like, oh, I booked some sort of glow and flow special.
05:44I don't know.
05:45Oh, no.
05:45And that's what it was.
05:47But they were probably...
05:48Like, her experience was probably great.
05:50Oh, she said she was wonderful.
05:51That tiny little Asian lady.
05:53No.
05:53She did exfoliating and...
05:55Light rubbing of all of her entire body by an Asian lady.
05:59Oh, my God.
05:59You just had a beast.
06:01I got the bad end of that deal.
06:03You know?
06:04Your skin must be so smooth today.
06:06It's incredible, but I don't know if I want to go through that again.
06:10I'm wondering if I would be hairless after that experience.
06:13Like, if all...
06:14Scrub the hair right off you?
06:15Yeah, like that the...
06:16It would almost be like sandpaper removing it.
06:20I don't...
06:21Extra rinse.
06:22Yeah.
06:22Yeah.
06:23I mean, that...
06:24Trust me.
06:24The bed, the bed...
06:25You have to be in there a while.
06:25You're going to have to clean the bed a bit after that.
06:28Because if I just lay down in one, you got to clean it.
06:32You know?
06:32I'm going to leave some of me behind every time.
06:35There's a lot of Chuck left behind.
06:37Yep.
06:38No, it was just a very...
06:40I've never had someone else scrub down my body before besides my wife.
06:43Right.
06:44Right.
06:44That's odd.
06:45I've had it done once.
06:45Have you?
06:46Yeah.
06:47I didn't like it.
06:48No, I...
06:48I was just...
06:48I'm like, this is weird.
06:50It was.
06:50I mean, I like how it felt after, but I didn't.
06:53The process of a Russian lady...
06:55What do they do to your nipples?
06:56They don't touch your nipples, Chuck.
06:58Well, I mean, they got to do your chest, right?
07:00They don't touch your nipples.
07:01I just wondered.
07:02They don't touch your nipples.
07:03Yeah, they did your chest and butt.
07:04No, they go around the nipples.
07:05Mm-hmm.
07:06Why?
07:07Because that's a sensitive nipular area.
07:09I don't know if you could actually have, like, sandpaper on the nipples.
07:12That might even be a little more set around the nipples.
07:16Yeah, like a tease.
07:17A tease for me.
07:19All right, Jason.
07:20You weirdo.
07:21I mean...
07:22Over to perverts.
07:23You're the one getting scrubbed on and showering with Russian ladies.
07:26What do you want me to say about that?
07:28I wasn't showering with her.
07:29She just happened to be in the room.
07:31She thought about it.
07:32Yeah, I didn't shower with any ladies this weekend, so that was...
07:35Oh, no.
07:35Oh, that's too bad.
07:36It wasn't as exciting as Dave's weekend.
07:38No, no.
07:38Yeah, that's too bad.
07:39I mean, I guess I got to pay for it, like Dave.
07:42You know?
07:43Or get your wife, too.
07:44Oh, wow.
07:45My who?
07:46Your ex.
07:46Yeah, my who?
07:49She's not buying me any massages these days.
07:52That'd be weird if she did.
07:53I bet I'm paying for some, though.
07:54Oh, sure.
07:55Yeah?
07:56Sure.
07:59I'll see you next time.
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