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00:16The first words are often the hardest.
00:18People I work with have been abused, exploited, intimidated.
00:24It's natural to disengage.
00:28Others are in denial. Accepting you've been manipulated can feel like the final thread of control slipping away.
00:35Some believe it's all they're worth, what they deserve and that there's no way out.
00:38But most are simply still stuck in a moment, too petrified to speak.
00:47Whatever you tell me, Bear, is completely confidential.
00:52Your son said you used to be a wrestler. Is that right?
00:56She doesn't give a toss about wrestling.
00:58She's just trying to get into your head.
01:01Dead is Ray. He's Ray. I'm your only friend, remember?
01:04I know it'll never be over. This secret is something we're all gonna have to live with.
01:14We just need to hold our nerve.
01:16And what do you think I'm talking about, Ray?
01:19What else are we talking about? Everything comes back to that man. Everything.
01:27He's a cancer.
01:29So who do I blame for the rest of it then?
01:33The rest of what?
01:35My pathetic life.
01:38How come I get away with all of this?
01:41You, the police, hot chocolates, the sympathy card.
01:45When you've been a victim of exploitation, April, there's a word for what you've been through.
01:51You can't just shrug it off.
01:55I knew what I was doing.
01:57And you hate yourself for it. I know you do.
01:59Please don't make out that this is nothing.
02:02Sexual exploitation of a child, there is nothing lower.
02:09The thought of those men pressuring you, I know how it feels.
02:13No. No, don't compare them to Pierce.
02:16They tried to force themselves on you.
02:18And they failed.
02:20Both of them.
02:23Runner, I wasn't raped.
02:25I didn't have to go through the hell that you did.
02:29With Callum, I went into that room.
02:33I knew what he wanted.
02:35I took that risk and I made that choice.
02:36No.
02:38Ray and Celia made that choice for you.
02:41They were pulling the strings.
02:43Just the same as they were with Bear.
02:44And Dylan.
02:45But with Bear, he was hauled up in an attic being forced to work for Scraps.
02:49And Dylan, Dylan never would have been involved with Ray if he'd have had the cushy life I've had.
02:53Cushy?
02:54You have had more trauma and grief than anyone I know.
02:57When is everybody going to realise the person that I truly am?
03:01I'm not brave.
03:04I'm a spoiled, selfish little cow.
03:07Have you always done physical work?
03:08Like on the farm?
03:10You think I'm some kind of sap, don't you?
03:13I promise you I don't.
03:14That I've been taken advantage of.
03:16Why would I think that?
03:17Because that's what my son's told you.
03:19Why'd you even let him call her?
03:21He's clearly painting me as some kind of psycho.
03:24Paddy, he can be overprotective.
03:28Farm work's brutal.
03:29You tell her, Ted.
03:32Young'uns like him, they don't understand graft.
03:35When I was 13, I weren't in some breakfast club before school.
03:39I were mucking out pigs.
03:41That must have been tough.
03:42Patronising!
03:44No, it was just graft.
03:46Plain and simple.
03:47And the farm?
03:48Was that graft?
03:50It were tough, aye.
03:52Ray were firm.
03:53But he were a good boss.
03:54Well, as good as...
03:56As good as I could pretend.
03:57You tell her,
03:58You tell her all the things I've done for you.
04:02I were fed and wattered.
04:04Paid?
04:04I protected you.
04:06I sheltered you.
04:08He did what he could.
04:09But he weren't the organ grinder.
04:12That were her.
04:13Celia?
04:14Sir Ray was...
04:15He was my mage.
04:16He looked out for me.
04:18You tell her, Big Ted.
04:20And I'd still be with him now if I could.
04:23What?
04:27None of this was your fault.
04:29It never is.
04:30Is it?
04:31But the bad stuff keeps on happening and it always will.
04:34Dylan.
04:34The past is the past.
04:35It's over.
04:36It's done.
04:39You don't believe that any more than I do.
04:40Well, I wouldn't say it if I didn't.
04:42Then why does everybody keep looking at me like I'm some puppy that needs putting down?
04:47What?
04:48What?
04:48You're doing it now.
04:50Look, everybody sees the same thing, don't they?
04:53You.
04:54Charles the police.
04:56And damaged goods.
04:58A charity case.
05:00You don't seriously think I see you like that?
05:02Just look around, Paddy.
05:04I'm the problem.
05:07I'm always going to be used by someone.
05:11Look, anything I touch, I destroy.
05:13And if you can't see that, then you will.
05:16That's why you need me gone.
05:24Everyone thinks that I'm Little Miss Innocent.
05:29Paying half fare on the bus.
05:31Getting ID'd at the cinema.
05:33But what I am, the things that I have done to protect yourself, to stay alive.
05:40Addicts will have died because of me.
05:43You don't know that.
05:46People that I shared the squat with.
05:49Sad cases with nothing and no one.
05:52Girls my age who would sleep with guys just to get a hit.
05:57I became part of that.
05:59Not out of choice, love.
06:00Everyone has a choice.
06:02And drug dealers, they are the lowest of law.
06:05You were never a proper dealer.
06:06I sold drugs.
06:07Runner, why can't you just accept who I am?
06:09Because I know who you are.
06:13You're the girl who fed her dad when he couldn't hold a spoon.
06:17You're the girl who was my rock when I was dead on my feet.
06:22Yeah, well that girl's gone and she's not coming back.
06:25So who's the girl who's teaching Ivy Makaton so she can talk to her brother, eh?
06:29Or the girl who...
06:30Who what?
06:32Left her baby in a toilet and then couldn't even go to her funeral.
06:38What kind of person does that?
06:40One who's been to hell and back.
06:43One who has lost her mum.
06:46Nearly lost her dad.
06:47One who was treated worse than dirt when she was on the street.
06:52So much so that she has started to believe it.
06:56He appreciated me.
06:58I had a function.
07:00A purpose.
07:01And you don't have a purpose now?
07:03I'm an old man.
07:06Old men aren't worth scrap.
07:08My grandma once said she felt invisible.
07:11I didn't exist.
07:12Not until I found you.
07:16You youngsters have no idea what's ahead.
07:20That day you wake up and you're nothing but a nuisance.
07:23Under folks' feet.
07:25Surplus to requirements.
07:28You just sat there, rotting away, adding nothing to no one.
07:32Have you told Paddy you feel this way?
07:34He says it's all on my head, but it's not.
07:37Happens to all of us if you've lived long enough.
07:39But you didn't feel like that on the farm.
07:42He was my best worker.
07:44I can understand why you'd want to go back there.
07:46We all want to feel needed.
07:48Valued.
07:50Ray were troubled.
07:52Complicated. He'd had a rough start.
07:55And that's why we had a connection.
07:58Why he took me under his wing.
08:00You sound very fond of him.
08:02Oh, I am.
08:03I...
08:04I were.
08:07You were like a...
08:08Like a son.
08:10Say it, Ted.
08:11Don't be embarrassed.
08:13Relationships can be so complicated.
08:15If only we could draw nice, clear-cut lines.
08:18He weren't this monster.
08:20Not the Ray I knew.
08:22So you were never afraid?
08:24Oh, come on, Ted.
08:24You never saw that side of him?
08:25You can handle yourself.
08:27I was never scared.
08:29And what about the others?
08:30Were they scared?
08:32I don't know.
08:33Some of them, maybe.
08:35He said he wasn't a monster.
08:36That must be really hard to reconcile.
08:38What are you getting at?
08:40Someone who's shown such kindness.
08:42Who can then manipulate teenagers into selling drugs.
08:45That's not the Ray I knew.
08:47So you don't believe he did that?
08:48Or that he procured vulnerable young kids into prostitution?
08:51I never saw any of that.
08:52I mean, whatever he did, he did because he had no choice.
08:55Or did he give you a choice?
08:59Stop twisting things.
09:01You're messing with me, Ed.
09:02I'm sorry.
09:03I don't mean to do that.
09:05Whoever I was, whatever I did, I didn't deserve to die like that.
09:12You think you know it all, but you don't know half of it.
09:15Then tell me.
09:16Go on.
09:16Tell her.
09:18Tell her how you killed me.
09:19How you wrapped your arms around me until I stopped breathing.
09:23I mean, you are the victim in all of this.
09:47Can I get you a drink?
09:49Charles said we can help ourself.
09:52What would you like?
09:54Oh, ah, but whatever's going.
09:58Choice.
10:00It can be overwhelming, can't it?
10:01We need to wrap this up, Ted.
10:04I only drank water for six months when I escaped.
10:07It felt like a safety in it.
10:09The routine.
10:10The not thinking.
10:12How do you mean when you escaped?
10:15Sorry, I thought that you...
10:17I've been where you are now.
10:19Sat opposite a counsellor trying to make sense of what happened to me.
10:22What's going on here?
10:23So you're...
10:24Survivor, yeah.
10:26That's why I do this.
10:29Because I understand.
10:34You're not going anywhere.
10:36Yeah, it's better I go now before you start to hate me.
10:39Hate you?
10:39I told you.
10:40You're like a son to me.
10:42All I do is bring you trouble.
10:45No, Ray brought trouble.
10:46All you've brought is kindness and love.
10:49Yeah, until the next disaster.
10:52When...
10:52When I need bailing out.
10:54Putting you in the line of fire.
10:56I ain't doing that.
10:57It's never going to happen.
10:59There's something rotten inside me, Paddy.
11:02Scum like Ray can see it.
11:03And they pounce on it, alright?
11:04And they always will.
11:05Dylan.
11:06This is all in your head.
11:07And then...
11:08And then people around me suffer.
11:11Bex.
11:12April.
11:13Your dad.
11:15Ray's not the only cancer.
11:17No, right.
11:17Don't do that.
11:19Don't call yourself that.
11:20Right?
11:21I know you've had a rough time.
11:23But your past does not have to dictate your future.
11:26It does.
11:28Alright?
11:28There's no happy endings for people like me.
11:32The future.
11:34It scares me.
11:35Like whenever something good happens,
11:36it's like I'm just waiting for it to...
11:38What?
11:39Go wrong.
11:41People only say that because they're exhausted.
11:43And because they're worn down.
11:45But patterns change.
11:46And people change.
11:47And you've never had anybody fighting your corner.
11:50But anyone can change their lives with the right support.
11:52And you've got that now.
11:55Yeah, nice words.
11:56If it was only words,
11:57I wouldn't be stood here now, would I?
11:59Well, this is me, Paddy.
12:02Who I am.
12:04Who I've always been.
12:07I'm a curse.
12:09Alright?
12:10And that's why my dad wanted rid of me.
12:13That's why I ended up on drugs.
12:15Sleeping with blokes on the street.
12:18That's why Rachel's me.
12:21So, what happened to you?
12:24I don't think that I should...
12:26No, no, no.
12:26Please, please, please.
12:27I want to know.
12:28This is pathetic.
12:30You are pathetic.
12:32There was a woman called Louise.
12:35She picked me up when I was at my lowest and saved me.
12:40At least I thought she did.
12:41And that's what she wanted me to believe.
12:45I was lost.
12:47Bones of my backside.
12:49And she gave me a job in a nail bar.
12:52Six days a week.
12:55I slept in the back and thought nothing of it.
12:57Open your mouth.
12:58There will be consequences.
13:00It's a threat you're bad.
13:02You wanna cross that line, do you?
13:03Not always.
13:05She could be kind.
13:07Supportive.
13:10But she could do this.
13:15It's okay.
13:16It doesn't hurt anymore.
13:19She promised me a wage, but that never came.
13:23She said I should be grateful I've got somewhere to kip.
13:27I was fed.
13:29Watered.
13:33And you think Ray is like her?
13:38Only you can tell me what Ray was like.
13:41My arm.
13:44It still gives me a chip.
13:46Do you want to tell me what happened?
13:50Well, it was nothing really.
13:52It was an accident.
13:54It was an out compared to her.
13:56Who?
13:58Anya.
14:00My friend.
14:02She was a pretty little thing like you.
14:04We looked out for each other.
14:07And where's Anya now?
14:09Are you still?
14:12She died.
14:13It's okay. It's okay.
14:15She...
14:17She was sick.
14:19We're just waiting for the boss man to come with your medicine.
14:22Did Ray take her to the hospital?
14:23She wouldn't let him.
14:25He couldn't take her.
14:27So he left her to get worse.
14:30I tried to get help.
14:31Wake up properly!
14:32I did. I tried.
14:33I'm sure you did.
14:34I asked him to get meds.
14:36I mean, he promised.
14:37I mean, I asked him. I asked him again and again.
14:39She was in such pain.
14:41She started dreaming.
14:43A little girl.
14:44Red ribbons.
14:45Running through the fields.
14:47I begged him again and again.
14:48I thought he didn't listen.
14:50No, he did note.
14:51Note.
14:52When he brought the meds, it were too late.
14:53He let her die.
14:55She was in agony.
14:56For the love of God, help!
15:01How could he do that?
15:06It was.
15:06It was evil.
15:08Evil.
15:11Okay.
15:13Let me play devil's advocate here.
15:14Let's just say you are this embodiment of evil.
15:18Hmm?
15:20If that is the case, then what about Dylan?
15:23Because you only got involved with Ray and Cedar in the first place to help him.
15:27None of this is Dylan's fault.
15:28I didn't say it was.
15:29But according to your way of thinking, surely Dylan is culpable too?
15:34That's different.
15:35How?
15:35It just is.
15:36Because everyone saw what happened when he tried to break free.
15:41Ray and Celia knew that you were vulnerable.
15:44That's why they targeted you.
15:45Both of you.
15:46And Bear.
15:47Unless he had a choice in all of this too.
15:49Every decision any one of you made was manipulated by them.
15:54Right from day one.
15:56And this fake debt that they told you you had to pay back.
16:00I mean, where is the choice in that?
16:03I could have refused to pay it.
16:05I told you sooner.
16:07And what happened when you did, huh?
16:08We didn't have the answer.
16:09We had no more of an idea of what to do than you did.
16:12But that's how these people work.
16:14You know, they corner you.
16:17They seal up the exits until you cannot see a way out.
16:20I am not some victim.
16:22Okay.
16:23Okay.
16:23You don't like the word, so let's not use it.
16:25But you are not some drug kingpin either, April.
16:28You are not somebody who feeds off other people's misery.
16:31Then why do I feel like this?
16:32Because you are a good person.
16:34Because you have a conscience.
16:36I mean, do you think Ray and Celia ever tortured themselves like this?
16:41No, you listen to me.
16:44You are a beautiful, kind and caring young woman.
16:49And I am proud.
16:51I am so proud to call you my daughter.
16:56When I said you were like a son to me, do you think I meant it?
17:01Because I'd do anything for you.
17:03Anything.
17:05But I think you know that and maybe that's what scares you.
17:08Maybe, maybe that's what makes you want to run.
17:11What, fancy yourself as a shrink now?
17:14You said it yourself.
17:16When something good happens, you are waiting for it to go wrong.
17:21So what's a little bit of self-sabotage?
17:24Anyway.
17:27If you won't listen to me.
17:30What, a self-help book?
17:33As if...
17:34Hey.
17:35This has got me through some very, very dark nights.
17:38It's a compilation, it's real stories.
17:41It's people that couldn't see a future for themselves, but they've all managed to turn their lives around.
17:45I mean, if you hate it, then you hate it.
17:48But the people in there, they proved that they were more than just their pasts.
17:53Second chances, starting new lives.
17:56But that's all totally doable.
17:58And why can't I see it happening?
18:00Because you've been through too much.
18:02You need to heal.
18:04When Marlon persuaded me to drop that gun, it's not like the clouds suddenly broke apart, but in time.
18:15I started to see a future.
18:18Yeah, well I just wanna believe it's not always gonna be like this.
18:21Yeah, well trust me.
18:24I believe in you.
18:26Even if you don't.
18:28You weren't bothered if she lived or died.
18:31But the same with me.
18:34Big Ted.
18:36That's not my name.
18:38Just used it to butter me up.
18:41I could have bled to death for all he could.
18:43I know it's a lot to take him.
18:46With me headed.
18:47It's like a jumble sale.
18:49What's processing?
18:51What's truth, what's lies?
18:53I'm lost, aren't I?
18:56I'll never be right again.
18:57I've been that sick, there's no hope.
19:00Every step to wellness starts with precisely that.
19:02A step.
19:04Which is what you've done today.
19:05I know, but...
19:06People do get their lives back.
19:08I did.
19:10I can't promise the road to recovery is short.
19:12It'd be cruel to suggest there's ever a quick fix.
19:15This is your journey.
19:17Your recovery.
19:18You're the one driving the car and I'm just in the passenger seat.
19:22Ready to pull out a map if you get lost.
19:27You're a good man, Bear.
19:29Why did you have to say that?
19:31Because it's important to be kind to yourself.
19:32Kind?
19:33You don't know what I'm capable of.
19:35Well, anyone, even good people can be pushed to their limits.
19:38Good people aren't murderers.
19:42I killed him.
19:44I killed Ray.
19:47You talk of monsters.
19:50Well, I'm one.
19:53That's what he's made me into.
19:56Just gotta take things day by day.
19:59Yeah, I know. I'll try.
20:00Well, it's not easy.
20:01Because I've been there and I've done that.
20:06How about we go bowling later?
20:08Bowling?
20:09Yeah.
20:10Everything's felt so dark lately.
20:12I just...
20:13Well, I thought it might be nice to do something that we used to do as a family.
20:16Or something normal.
20:17Yeah.
20:18And fun.
20:19Yeah, I'd love that.
20:25For everything that you've done for me.
20:27You've always been on my side.
20:28And it means more than you'll ever know.
20:34It's like me, Dad.
20:35When she gets out of that session today, it won't be fixed.
20:37But if she says one thing that gets through, that'll be a start.
20:43Pads?
20:45Dad?
20:48I'm sorry, son.
20:49Hang on.
20:50Why is he in handcuffs?
20:51Mr Dingle, your father has just admitted to the murder of Ray Walters.
20:55No, no, no, no.
20:56There's a mistake.
20:57He's confused.
20:58He's clearly traumatized.
21:00I'm really sorry.
21:01But Bear called the police himself.
21:03Dad!
21:04Dad!
21:05Dad, I'm not leaving you, alright?
21:07I'll see you down the station.
21:09But you're not alone, right?
21:11Dad!
21:12You're not alone!
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