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00:00In the spring of 2010, 0.0 production sent a No Reservations film crew to the southern
00:16Indian state of Kerala to make some fine television.
00:22Wow, that's intense.
00:24It was a veritable who's who of No Reservations production crews consisting of myself,
00:29executive producer Chris Collins,
00:31Fistula.
00:32Yes.
00:33Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.
00:34Cameraman Todd Liebler.
00:36This is too weird, man.
00:38And Zach Zamboni.
00:39He doesn't get any great experience.
00:41Segment producer Diane Schutz.
00:43Tell me when.
00:44No.
00:46And to make things even more interesting,
00:48cameraman Jerry Reishis and producer Alex Lowry were brought along to document the whole
00:53sordid, life-on-the-road, sausage-baking process that is a No Reservations shoot.
00:59I remember the van ride was flatulent and funny.
01:02This is a lot of new things.
01:04Yeah, man.
01:05It happened.
01:06There it is.
01:11I'm Anthony Bourdain.
01:12That's right.
01:13I write, I travel, I eat, and I'm hungry for more.
01:18Ooh.
01:20You've got this.
01:23Get lost.
01:24No Reservations.
01:29No Reservations.
01:36So the first step in building an episode is research, you know, where we're going, in
01:40this case, India, and basically what the hell are we shooting?
01:44Pre-production typically starts like four weeks prior to when we're scheduled to go.
01:48Yeah, it usually starts pretty slowly.
01:51I have an experimental new drug that I'll be giving the crew.
01:54Your stools will be like f***ing boulders every day for the entire shoot, according to
02:01my doctor.
02:01What's it called?
02:03I don't know.
02:05Pre-production is extremely critical.
02:07I mean, we don't land in a country and rely on our wits and charm.
02:10We let Tony do that.
02:12He can get away with it.
02:13We can't.
02:13So there are a lot of logistics and things to really think through.
02:18It's like planning a dysfunctional family vacation.
02:21So we're going to be in the south, Kerala.
02:23You've never been to this part, right?
02:24I have not.
02:25And I'm not sure yet how we want to fit in the Kalaripiatu.
02:30It's the mother of modern Kung Fu, which originated in Kerala.
02:34There we go.
02:35It looks like that.
02:36All right.
02:37My initial impression is that this will fall somewhere between suck and blow.
02:42Look, it's locals and indigenous guard performing their traditional folkloric dances.
02:49One more of those scenes and I'm right out the f***ing window.
02:53We try to get Tony to do scenes that will be great television, but we know may not be
03:00very pleasing to him.
03:02Wouldn't it be funny if Tony takes a boat ride in a giant duck or goes naked windsurfing?
03:09Yeah, she loves that stuff.
03:11I give Diane a ton of credit.
03:12She puts together really great shows.
03:14She also tries to slip in those things that I think have absolutely nothing to do with
03:19what we're going to do.
03:21They're just purely for her enjoyment.
03:24Ayurvedic massage?
03:25I hate Ayurvedic massage.
03:27But this is the home of Ayurvedic massage.
03:30He pried my eyelids wide and applied a few drops of tender coconut oil.
03:34I felt like being jabbed with a kebab skewer.
03:37Later, I'm still dabbing black sludge out of my eyes with a tissue.
03:41I thought you'd like that.
03:43Very clockwork orange.
03:45You know, maybe I should be nicer to Diane.
03:46Believe me, nobody wants to see me with my shirt off.
03:50There's food, though, here, right?
03:53Food.
03:54Food.
03:55In this case, a mediocre food scene will trump a riveting, you know, Indian kung fu scene.
04:00What happened with Tony yesterday in terms of the treatment?
04:04Is he happy with where it's at?
04:06We're a couple weeks away, and there's some very good scenes, but there's nothing that
04:11makes it feel any different than anything else.
04:14And that's the challenge every time you go out the door on this thing.
04:18This episode should be better.
04:19And right now, it's not better.
04:25So we're leaving in two and a half weeks.
04:27Today's March 1st.
04:28Okay, don't, all right, don't, let's just go natural.
04:31I'm just telling, I'm telling you this.
04:37Hey, guys.
04:39Oh, there you go.
04:41Beautiful thing.
04:42Hey.
04:43Oh, today's holy, isn't it?
04:46Yeah, holy.
04:47So are you supposed to not be working today?
04:51Yes.
04:52Sorry about that.
04:53I forgot about that.
04:53Sorry, guys.
04:55Once we have solid ideas and sort of a game plan set up,
04:57what we do is we enlist the services of a fixer, and that's somebody who lives in the
05:02country.
05:02They know the place.
05:03They help us out with logistics, permits, that kind of stuff.
05:07If we find some sort of a chef like we've spoken there.
05:11I kind of, like, want to know what their background is, and then we can figure out, well, maybe
05:15they should do this scene with Tony.
05:17And Chris and I will talk about these other scenes, see if there's any other questions.
05:21I think at this point, it's just best to email.
05:22All right, guys.
05:23What makes a good fixer?
05:25Somebody with a sense of humor.
05:27Yeah.
05:33Let's run through it one more time.
05:34Sure.
05:35Molly would, uh, so they'll be...
05:37We're working on that.
05:37I want to see some people running around a tree on this, for sure.
05:41Or a fight scene.
05:41I'm always...
05:42No, no.
05:42Running around a tree.
05:44Okay.
05:44Chris, I told you he liked the dance.
05:46Running around a tree, singing and dancing.
05:49I like it.
05:49I've been asking for this for years.
05:51No.
05:51Yeah, I know.
05:52We're trying.
05:53Beef fry.
05:54Good.
05:54Do Crab Island.
05:56Crab Island.
05:58I'm sure there's a joke there somewhere.
06:01Do you think Tony has been losing interest season to season?
06:05No.
06:06I don't think Tony...
06:07I think Tony's interests have changed.
06:10And as it's been the evolution of the show, it changes.
06:14The arc seems a little fighting true.
06:17It looks like we're, you know, novelty, novelty.
06:23You know, followed by a dramatic high point, followed by a heartwarming family meal at the end.
06:31It's kind of season three.
06:33He was asked a couple weeks ago, are you over this?
06:36Are you over all this travel?
06:38And he, in complete honesty, said, no, I'm addicted to this.
06:44This is not going away.
06:49We're three days out from leaving.
06:51And on Saturday, we got an email from the folks who are helping us organize this show.
07:02And the email said, this is not to alarm you, but to keep you posted and informed.
07:06As of last night, the Indian government has placed Koochee on high alert for possible terror strikes.
07:11Koochee backwaters.
07:13Frequently by foreign tourists are also on the radar of terror groups.
07:17And that's where we're going.
07:18I don't know, we're, I'm not being indecisive, but I'm taking the time to figure out what's going on.
07:26How do you personally feel?
07:29I'm a little nervous.
07:32I'm not going to, nor am I in a position to make anybody go and do this.
07:36So we're going to let people decide whether they want to go or not.
07:40It's really weird.
07:41I'm not a religious man, but I, I do have this strange sense that when your number's up, your number's up.
07:48How are you all doing?
07:50Good.
07:50We're good.
07:51Hey, so we just wanted to go through the information that we have on Kerala.
07:56Okay.
07:57Over the weekend, I got in touch with Global Film Solutions, and their recommendations are
08:02that we can proceed with our travel and with our production.
08:07It makes me a little concerned that, look, it'd be tricky if something goes down.
08:11Hey, can you just try to report?
08:13Yeah, will do.
08:14As soon as I get off, I will report it to you.
08:16So we reviewed the terror alert, and we made the decision, we're going to go.
08:21We're, we're going to go shoot this show.
08:23We have a, a pretty good grouping of really strong ideas.
08:28There are a couple weak links, but you know, we'll deal with it.
08:31It'll be all right.
08:31I mean, if we have to go plan B, we go plan B. It'll be fine.
08:35We need to go.
08:36I know.
08:36We need to go.
08:37Okay.
08:38Let's do this.
08:39Where's Chris?
08:40I don't know.
08:41Oh, right.
08:42Chris Collins.
08:44People often ask me, you know, are you excited for this upcoming trip?
08:47And no, I usually don't get excited.
08:50Maybe I'm excited when I land in a place, but there's so much work that, that goes into
08:55prepping each shoot that you don't really get excited.
08:58Chris, the rest of the crew is waiting by the elevator.
09:01Bye, Lydia.
09:02Bye.
09:03Take care.
09:04Have a good trip.
09:05You all right now?
09:06No.
09:07Really?
09:08No.
09:08All right.
09:09Goodbye.
09:09I'm going to burst into tears.
09:11Yeah.
09:12Call me.
09:13I will.
09:14Call me.
09:16Call me.
09:17Bye.
09:17I love you.
09:19Yeah.
09:19It's, it's gotten more difficult to leave over the years.
09:21I mean, I'm leaving my, I'm leaving my wife and I'm leaving my two kids.
09:24At the same time, I love going out on the road.
09:31How long has the flight took to India?
09:39Do you remember?
09:41Can you give me a goal part number?
09:43How long it was?
09:44I have no clue how long it was.
09:4624 hours?
09:48I don't even, I'm.
09:50Great.
09:50Now I'm laughing.
09:52I've learned to self-medicate.
09:54How long was the flight?
09:55I have no clue.
09:56I'm pretty sure.
09:57The whole crew takes some variation of Valium, diazepam, whatever kind of meds they could get
10:02their hands on just to pass out and make the flight more bearable.
10:06As a father of a very active three-year-old, I'm thinking I can catch up on some serious
10:11Zs, especially if I wash down a couple of Valium with like three or four scotches.
10:16Oh, baby.
10:17All I know, if I, if I wake up, you know, in India without a stain in my pants, everything's
10:21been, you know, everything's okay.
10:22Will Tony get buck naked and go toe-to-toe in an Indian martial arts smackdown?
10:32Will cameraman Todd Liebler once again blunder his way into immortality?
10:37And just how long does it take Diane Schutz to buy a hat?
10:41After the break.
10:44No reservation.
10:50How do you say thank you in Malayalam?
10:52Tony doesn't get here until tomorrow, which is a great luxury, right?
10:58Get some, uh, get some work done without him.
11:00When the crew gets there a day before me, I don't really know what they do with that
11:03time.
11:04I need a hat.
11:06A lot of talking to Mr. Fisty, I'm guessing.
11:08What do you guys think of this one?
11:10If they're missing from my mini bar, I'm not paying.
11:13That's my hat.
11:14If they're charging porn to my room, this will not pass.
11:20I like this one.
11:22It's always a great luxury when we arrive somewhere a little bit early and we can go
11:31scout a scene.
11:32In particular, ones that we're not so sure about.
11:35The kaliripiatu scene that, uh, martial arts.
11:43Kali, what is it?
11:44I can't even pronounce it.
11:47Seemed like a good idea on paper back in New York.
11:50Once we got there, it just didn't seem like the right fit for Tony.
11:54My only concern is this takes a certain amount of gracefulness and skill.
12:01Sorry, Tony.
12:04The shirt off thing.
12:06Come on!
12:07Tony with a stick and his shirt off hitting people.
12:10Well, originally, we just had the video cameras, and then we added, uh, the Lidus.
12:21We also have little one-chip cameras for underwater.
12:24And now we have these seven Ds.
12:27See?
12:29Todd Lieblin.
12:31Emmy Award-winning cameraman-cinematographer.
12:33Zach Zamboni.
12:35Emmy Award-winning cinematographer cameraman.
12:37Todd and Zach have been the main camera guys on no reservations for most of the series.
12:42We're always trying to make this show more cinematic.
12:46Zamboni's just strange.
12:48Get dedicated, man.
12:50I got the shot.
12:51I felt it, man.
12:52And, uh, Zach came on board.
12:54He raised the game for all of us.
12:56Nani, nani.
12:57Todd, he's a constant.
12:59It's like, if I'm going, he's going.
13:00If he's going, I'm going.
13:01If he's not going, I'm thinking about not going.
13:04What is B-roll?
13:06B-roll is just without main actors.
13:10And why is it important?
13:11It supports the scene with emotion, color, texture.
13:16You should never underestimate the importance of good B-roll, because when everything else
13:19is crap, good B-roll carry you the entire time.
13:23Hello, Molly.
13:24Hey, dollar.
13:25Hello, Molly.
13:26Hey, dollar.
13:26Come on in.
13:27Hey, dollar.
13:28What is your name?
13:29Zach.
13:29Zach, my name is a Franklin.
13:31Franklin.
13:31Franklin.
13:32You got it.
13:33Yeah, man.
13:38Stay posted here.
13:39I'm going to start them here so they come into frame.
13:42All right.
13:42Here we go.
13:43Let's start walking and talking.
13:45From the river?
13:46From the Gulf?
13:47Oh, bull.
13:47Bull.
13:47Bull.
13:48Bull.
13:48Bull.
13:49Is there still fish out?
13:51Yeah, you know, when you show up at a fish market and there's, like, no fish there?
13:55That's hard to bounce back from, by the way.
13:57You know, it requires a lot of the viewer.
13:59Try to imagine it as a thriving, you know, business.
14:03Well, no, I can't.
14:05What's the point?
14:06Why are you there?
14:07All right.
14:07So here's what we'll do.
14:09So while Chris was trying to figure out how the scene was going to work, Tony had his own
14:13emergency that I was trying to help him out with.
14:15Do you need anything?
14:16Coffee?
14:17Anything?
14:19Okay.
14:20Oh, uh, they have a relaxed attitude towards prescription drugs here, don't they?
14:24You should try to buy some over-the-counter.
14:26You look innocent.
14:27Try to look like you're in pain.
14:28Okay.
14:29No, no.
14:29Give me...
14:30That's not good.
14:31Wait, how...
14:31No?
14:32You're in pain.
14:33Terrible psychic and physical pain.
14:35Oh, Diane, I've known you so long.
14:37You're insane gays.
14:39Some might call it Manson-esque.
14:40In fact, really, all she's missing is a little X on the forehead.
14:44Vicodins, Demerols, Dilaudids.
14:46That's the s*** we want, Diane.
14:48Score my drugs, Diane.
14:49Score my drugs.
14:49It's all I ask.
14:50How long have you been working with, Diane?
14:53Since 2001?
14:552002.
14:56August 2002.
14:57My very first shoot was New Orleans.
15:00Very first scene was that snowball place.
15:02And right before we start the scene, Tony's like,
15:05Oh, man, I hate these kind of sweet, treacly dessert kind of places.
15:08I'm like...
15:09Did it end up in the show, Diane?
15:10Probably not, but remember...
15:12No probably about it, Diane.
15:14If anyone is an essential part of the dysfunctional family that makes no reservations,
15:19it's Diane.
15:20Oh, of course.
15:21Always the hero.
15:23Tony's pimping Diane out for his meds,
15:25and the rest of us are in this fishless fish market,
15:28trying to establish a scene and get something shot.
15:31And what we're going to do is we're going to do two walkovers this bridge.
15:35How do you feel about Todd's shot?
15:39Yeah.
15:39How do I feel about it?
15:41Yeah, it's going to be nice, I think, right?
15:42All I do is I think about insurance at this moment.
15:45Are you covered for this?
15:47Oh.
15:48Todd?
15:49Are you destroying someone else's property?
15:52Are we doing a walk across the bridge or not?
15:55Yeah, I guess so.
15:56Here comes the lens discussion.
15:58It's going to take the next 20 minutes.
16:00You know what?
16:00I may not be able to fit this lens either.
16:02Oh, it's not going to fit.
16:04Can you shoot something right now?
16:06Yes.
16:06Okay, so if I send Tony halfway across the bridge by himself to walk.
16:10Yes.
16:10The walk, deep thoughts.
16:16There's deep thoughts.
16:17That's basically that shot of me staring out.
16:19Then there's the long, thoughtful walk with scenery in the background.
16:23Medium shot of staring with a semi-meaningful, blissed-out look at said scenery.
16:30Oh, the walk-in.
16:31I hate that.
16:32So season three.
16:34Sometimes I feel like more like just a traveling tube into which food is packed.
16:41So we went to the fish market, we got what we needed, and then we sort of hustled over
16:48to the, call it a restaurant where we're going to do our scene.
16:50We went in to take a look at the lighting situation, and it was one of those where I
16:54walked in and I'm like, ah, Zach's head's going to explode when he walks in here.
16:59What do you think?
17:00Um, yeah, we're, they're this way.
17:04It's still going to be like zero film.
17:07It doesn't look good.
17:08They're looking at the ceiling.
17:10Isn't there a power point right there?
17:12And there's power right there.
17:13There's one more there.
17:15Just jam a bunch of light up there.
17:17And the more people involved in the discussion, it doesn't get any smarter as you add on another
17:22smart person.
17:23You have three smart people, equals one idiot.
17:28Maybe right here.
17:31It's like the Moe, Larry, and Curly Institute of cinematography.
17:34It's certainly more interesting than inside.
17:40Yeah.
17:40So signs that Tony's getting anxious or antsy.
17:44If it's a food scene, he'll say, so, you guys need a wide shot, right?
17:48Yeah.
17:49Wide.
17:49Or, he'll just stare at you.
18:01What are the key elements in the team?
18:06Gotta shoot the food, food prep, food consumption, Tony banter, psychic banter.
18:14Five points of television filmmaking right there.
18:17It's conversational.
18:19You know, don't look into the camera.
18:20The cameras are in the room.
18:21Just talk to Tony.
18:22Just ignore us.
18:22Fine.
18:23Or, just ignore us.
18:25Unless we yell at you or something.
18:26Which we want to do.
18:28With Diane, I know she's done this enough.
18:31She does it well.
18:33She's going to get the job done.
18:34What do you do with part of your job?
18:36What do we see inside of your job?
18:37Kind of combination.
18:38Mommy, babysitter, psychologist.
18:41Right?
18:43Getting just this stuff organized.
18:46Walking them down over there.
18:47I mean, the first thing we do when we walk in somewhere, and it's typically like 10 minutes
18:50before we start shooting, is trying to figure out how we're going to set this thing up.
18:54The sound's going to be a problem.
18:57Yeah.
18:59Is lighting going to be a problem?
19:00Yeah.
19:03Does that matter?
19:05No.
19:06I feel just surrounded by love.
19:10I feel very secure.
19:12I mean, you know, it's all my best friends in the world.
19:13All in one place.
19:14But I spend more time with you guys, I mean, cumulatively, than me or anyone else I know.
19:21Now, like, you're all here.
19:22It's like, Scarecrow, Tin Man, Cowardly Lion, and The Wizard.
19:28Annie M.
19:29All in one place.
19:33Button your top button.
19:34It's getting too sexy for television.
19:36Bring them to the corner here.
19:38Boom.
19:38Across to there.
19:40And across in the street here.
19:42Okay, here they come.
19:43How do you know when you got it, man?
19:50I feel like pins and needles in my thighs.
19:56Oh, oh, you mean you got it as in the scenes done.
19:58Oh.
19:59I thought you were talking about something else.
20:02And when the scene ends, and sometimes it's even before the scene's ended, Diane starts
20:05twitching a little bit.
20:06She's got to get her fingers into it as fast as humanly possible.
20:10Oh, great.
20:10Oh, what is that right there?
20:14Can I have a bite of that?
20:16Look at them.
20:17They're falling on those leftovers like seagulls on a corpse.
20:20Diane goes first, then the camera guys, and then the rest of us.
20:25First day, there was like a fish market scene, a lunch scene.
20:32Busy.
20:32Too busy.
20:34Hey, Tony.
20:35They want you to say something.
20:37You can't be so glad I'm not vomiting.
20:40There's nothing more exhilarating than finishing day one.
20:43That's typically the most nerve-wracking.
20:46You ever start your day off talking about diarrhea?
20:48A giant frozen stalagmite crack.
20:51Ever make your fellow co-workers cry?
20:54Not me.
20:55Okay, maybe once.
20:56And I said, get your diseased lips off my hookah.
20:59That's true.
21:00When we come back.
21:03No reservation.
21:099.25, and it's about 10,000 degrees already.
21:13Look at the glistening.
21:15Look, it's hot.
21:17Okay, let's go.
21:18We ready?
21:19The cameras shouldn't really be in air conditioning.
21:22Okay, so should we shut off the AC in the van?
21:26That's, uh, Alex's.
21:28I know, but there's more bags there.
21:30I'm going to go wrangle those.
21:34It's like wrangling kittens.
21:35It doesn't feel my touches in the van.
21:40You know, I value, I cherish those golden moments in the van.
21:46That atmosphere of warmth, camaraderie, and loose farts.
21:50I've got to tell you, it just, everything's been going great.
21:53I took a preventive emotive this morning.
21:55Just because I figure a market scene.
21:58Zach, this morning, probably.
21:59You know, it's one of those mornings where you know, as soon as you hit the bus, you're
22:03going to take a...
22:03Now, you stopped at some truck stop.
22:06Uh, in Saudi Arabia?
22:07Yes.
22:08That was down in the wire.
22:09That was a truck stop?
22:10I was like, you, you must, you got to basically be on death's door to go in there.
22:16I saw the all-time worst.
22:17Death gun force.
22:17Was Harbin, man.
22:19Oh, that, that was...
22:20The all-time worst, I mean, this giant pit with slats running across it, surrounded by
22:26the usual fresh contributions of it, I mean, this, I mean, massive column, a giant frozen
22:32stalagmite of crap.
22:34You know, archaeologists are going to, like, cut cross-sections of it and see what the population
22:39was eating back in, you know, 2006.
22:42Oh my god, I found a Cheeto.
22:49It's like the crew filming the crew.
22:51Yeah.
22:52Hello.
22:53The Mollywood scene, when we were doing pre-production,
22:55it wasn't coming together very quickly and we didn't know if we were going to get access
22:58and it was sort of like, should we just pass on this and not waste any time?
23:01Tony was adamant, no, we need to go do this, we need to make this happen.
23:05Mollywood scene, fight scenes, Indian cinema.
23:08Oh, there were doubters.
23:09Oh, yes.
23:10Executive producer Chris Collins thought it was a bad idea.
23:13What are we doing here, man?
23:14I don't know.
23:15So doors open up and reveal what is just an insane set going on.
23:20There are probably 30 camera people running around shooting everything in sight, including
23:24us.
23:25You know, it was one of those things where when you went into it, if you started to overthink
23:28it, you were going to get lost and nothing was going to get done.
23:31It's kind of surreal.
23:35Mahmoodi, he's a very large star in India.
23:39Ah, action.
23:40Do that.
23:41Ah, do that.
23:44Nice.
23:44Hey.
23:45Hey, no.
23:46Somehow even I was getting involved.
23:48I guess it was something like the local MTV of Kerala.
23:52Even more so than Tony.
23:53Somebody wants to ask her a question or interview her about what we're doing.
23:57She's all for it.
23:59Tell me when.
24:00Alex?
24:01I'm ready.
24:02Well, Anthony Bourdain is a chef and author who travels around the world trying different
24:07foods, meeting different people.
24:09Nice to meet you.
24:10So nice to meet you.
24:12Enjoy.
24:13I wish I borrowed Mahmoodi's makeup guy.
24:15Because he looks good.
24:19He got in Mahmoodi's man cave.
24:22It got crowded quick.
24:24This trailer, maybe 10 people would fit comfortably in there.
24:27There had to be, I don't know, 35 people standing around.
24:30I'm filming and suddenly I feel...
24:35I mean, I feel...
24:37I look over, there's a camera.
24:39I mean, there were just cameras surrounding me.
24:48Let's meet the DP.
24:51Todd and Zach met...
24:53Met the DP.
24:53They did a DP?
24:54They met the DP at the film shoot.
24:57I thought they...
24:58You guys are fast, man.
25:01Yeah.
25:01So fast.
25:02How many camera setups per day?
25:04Normal fight sequence and action sequence is like three cameras.
25:07Yeah.
25:08You take camera guys, directors of photography, and you put them together.
25:12I don't care if they come from India, they come from the States, they come from Russia.
25:15It doesn't matter if they don't share a single word in common.
25:18Nothing stands in the way of geek talk.
25:20That's awesome.
25:21Yeah.
25:26Okay.
25:27Great.
25:27Okay, yeah, I'll admit it.
25:30Tony was right.
25:30The Maliwood scene was really good.
25:32And actually, the film crew let us in on their crew lunch, so that was even better.
25:37So you mash it up.
25:38But you need the right amount, right?
25:40Use five fingers.
25:42And...
25:42Like a ball.
25:44Ball.
25:45Oh, like that.
25:46And then you put it.
25:47No bones in there.
25:49Look, it's not happening.
25:54Have you ever made anyone cry?
25:56Have I ever made anyone cry on the show?
25:58Yes.
25:58Yes, I have.
25:59It was Diane Schutz.
26:01Tony, I think, took it...
26:01He took it too far once with Diane.
26:04He drove me over the edge in Bangkok.
26:07You don't even remember this, though.
26:08It was classic.
26:09I remember exactly what I did.
26:10We were trying to shoot a show in one night.
26:13We've been on the road for weeks.
26:14We've been on the road for weeks.
26:15I think we were all cranky and tired.
26:17And sick.
26:18Diane was sick and hacking.
26:19Diane was sick.
26:21And at one point, you know, she grabs my hookah away from me to take a big hit on it.
26:28And I said something like, get your diseased lips off my hookah.
26:33It's true.
26:33Was it that undiplomatic?
26:35Or did I...
26:35You were very Tony-ish about it.
26:38Thanks.
26:38It happened in 2001.
26:412003.
26:42Jesus.
26:42What date was it?
26:43January 2003.
26:44I'll never turn my back on you again.
26:46You remember the date.
26:46I'm sorry, Diane, by the way.
26:51If I haven't apologized before, let me apologize.
26:53I think you may have, but now we have it on camera.
26:57I still feel bad about it, honestly.
26:59I'm pretty sure I sent her a food basket.
27:01It's a good day's what?
27:02It's a great television.
27:04Gin tonics?
27:05Great.
27:06It was only a thought.
27:08It's bizarre and unholy crew fixations.
27:11You can squeak out somewhere between four and five feet between the tub, the toilet.
27:15I'll be a happy guy.
27:17Tales of depravity and flatulence.
27:20He's speaking gibberish and farting incessantly.
27:22And a close call with the in-memoriam episode of No Reservations.
27:26Did I think Tony was dead?
27:28I knew he was dead.
27:30No Reservations.
27:37Cloud 9, man.
27:39Yeah, we are staying at the Cloud 9 Hotel.
27:41Is there a pool?
27:42When we're traveling to a location where there's warm weather,
27:45we're trying to make sure that there's a pool nearby for Tony.
27:48I do like a pool.
27:49I'm a pool slut.
27:50Crew members have pretty individual, unusual needs.
27:54This may not be a winner as far as distance, actually.
27:57If everybody has their own little eccentricities,
27:59Chris's is probably the strangest.
28:03I gauge how nice the hotel is by the size of the bathroom.
28:07If I can squeak out somewhere between four and five feet between the tub and the toilet,
28:12I'll be a happy guy.
28:13I mean, it's only right.
28:16I mean, come on.
28:17Three feet, it starts to get a little too close.
28:19One foot, you can clench right up.
28:21Well, I'm just, I don't know.
28:22It's just one of those things that makes me happy.
28:24I mean, everybody finds there's a little bit of peace out on the road.
28:27The bathroom settles out in a good direction.
28:29I'm happy.
28:30Oh, this is where really the shower come together.
28:38It's efficient, if you think about it.
28:40So whenever I'm traveling with Chris, I look at my own bathroom,
28:43and if I see them right next to each other, I'm thinking,
28:44poor Chris, he ain't taking a dump for a week.
28:47And on the other hand, poor us, because he's not taking a bath either.
29:00I'm not exactly sure what we're looking for here.
29:06I mean, I know there's a festival, but something tells me
29:08it'll be completely different when we get here.
29:11Do we know what time it's happening?
29:14So it's sort of counterintuitive.
29:15You're scouting during the day,
29:16but you're actually shooting your scene at night.
29:18But Zach's got this little gadget that he got.
29:21He must have gotten it like Hemmick or Schlemmer or something
29:23that sort of reads where the sun goes down
29:25and what the darkness is going to be like.
29:27In Zach and Todd's hand, it's going to work, so.
29:31I think we will work between 4 and 6.30.
29:346.30 is going to be too late.
29:37I always get a little uncomfortable going into this sort of
29:39religious sanctuary with a camera
29:43from synagogue to mosque.
29:48Are you shouting synagogues?
29:49I just made that up.
29:51So it quickly turned out, you know,
29:53it turns out that we didn't have permission to shoot there.
29:55Things just went downhill from there.
29:57Yeah, the manager is saying we got to film here
29:59and he's getting fixed off on the scene every 30 minutes.
30:01Okay, we should turn the cameras off.
30:03Should we just turn down?
30:05Just turn down.
30:07Things are going to go sideways.
30:08It's just, it's part of the game.
30:10You've got to go with it.
30:10You've just got to deal with it.
30:11Do you think Tony would go on the traditional tie-ins even?
30:23Will he, will he wear the traditional shirt?
30:26I can see him doing that.
30:27It's a nice shirt.
30:28Do you want to do the bottoms?
30:30Bottoms?
30:31Tony is a bit of a bottom, actually,
30:33so there's a good chance he may.
30:36Yeah, I think it's a good idea.
30:42Jesus.
30:44Look at my skin and seagal.
30:47That's professional.
30:48Ha!
30:49Ha!
30:50There goes Zach again
30:51with some grand lighting scheme,
30:53you know, bolting, you know,
30:55floodlights to the ceiling.
30:57It's lovely.
30:59I don't notice my skin looking any fresher or lovelier
31:02or me looking any younger.
31:03We're talking Vittorio Stone.
31:05I know, you're right.
31:06But, you know, hey, he's the Emmy winner, you know.
31:09I did say this.
31:09I said, the day a sound man shows up on this show,
31:12I'm gone.
31:14I like it here.
31:16I have a responsibility to be a good guest tonight,
31:18you know, to provide the riveting television entertainment,
31:22which means at least 20 solid minutes
31:24of shoving food into my face.
31:26I'm a professional.
31:27I've got work to do.
31:30Am I ever late?
31:32Ever?
31:32Have you ever?
31:33Have you ever?
31:34Oh, yes.
31:35Okay, once.
31:36It was worse than bad.
31:36It was upsetting.
31:37You want to come on over?
31:38Tell the story.
31:39To my knowledge,
31:40there's only been one time ever
31:42that Tony was late for something on a shoot.
31:45One time.
31:46My entire career I was late.
31:48But I did it in a big way.
31:50It was somewhere in Asia
31:50and we'd just finished the shoot.
31:53And we'd had a little wrap dinner.
31:55Had a lot of beers.
31:56Yes.
31:57Like all those great moments in history
31:59where you look back on the wreckage in the evening
32:00and you wonder where they would go wrong.
32:02You'd isolate that specific moment.
32:05The specific moment was tequila.
32:07Game of the recording.
32:08The next thing I remember,
32:10you're shaking me awake.
32:12Well, no, no, no, no, no.
32:14I think it was worse than that.
32:15I thought it was the quote-unquote very special episode.
32:21Did I think Tony was dead?
32:22I knew he was dead.
32:24I could smell it from outside the door.
32:27There was deadness coming underneath the door.
32:30So everybody shows up in the lobby
32:32to pack the van and get out.
32:33This is unusual.
32:35Where's Tony?
32:37This is really sort of unlike him.
32:39No, it's very unlike him
32:41not to be present and ready to go.
32:43For Tony not to be in the lobby
32:45before everyone else is shocking.
32:47So I take the porter
32:49and the hotel manager
32:51up to your room.
32:53I'm not prepared to see
32:54what's on the other side of that door.
32:57The guy opens the door
32:59and knocks.
33:00Nothing.
33:01I yell, Tony!
33:03And this sort of avalanche of flesh
33:06comes falling off the couch.
33:08He's speaking gibberish
33:10and farting incessantly.
33:12I think he said,
33:13I haven't packed my bags.
33:15But it sounded like,
33:16how you open the door?
33:17There wasn't a hint of sobriety.
33:22And I believe you slept all the way home.
33:24If I remembered it, I'd apologize.
33:27What do you do
33:27when the chutes wind me down,
33:29nerves are getting frayed,
33:30and that's certain someone
33:32just can't be bothered?
33:33You're not exactly
33:34the comedy relief
33:35on this show.
33:36Why are you going
33:37on a leisurely boat ride,
33:39of course?
33:40Right after this message.
33:43No reservation.
33:59Oh, don't ask why.
34:01Oh, don't ask why.
34:0410,000 degrees.
34:07We were running really hard in India,
34:09and frankly,
34:10it was really, really hot.
34:12And you start to fade a little.
34:14That's just part of it.
34:16There's a lot of time in the van.
34:18It starts to wear on everyone.
34:22I hate it.
34:23I hate it.
34:24I didn't like that inflection.
34:28Wow.
34:28I will revert to the French masters.
34:33You start to get acclimated about 12 hours before you depart the country.
34:40Oh, I'm feeling really good about this.
34:42Time to go home.
34:50What's going on here, guys?
34:52I think the press is waiting for Tony.
34:54You know, we show up, and there are all these journalists.
34:57Oh, really?
34:58You know, you hear about people phoing cell phones at people, smashing cameras.
35:02Yeah, I would never do that.
35:03But, you know, never say never.
35:05You're tired.
35:06You're hot.
35:07You know, like I said, I just wanted to, like, you know, crawl onto the nearest horizontal
35:10surface out of the sun, have a cold beer.
35:13I was not in a mood to give an impromptu press conference.
35:18Can I present a little bit of a book?
35:19Yeah.
35:20Get Tony being shot by all these guys just for a car share, too.
35:23I want to use it.
35:26What's up, Bill?
35:27You got it.
35:27You took it.
35:28Chris, how many cases of beer do you think we need for tonight?
35:31A lot.
35:32Three, two, or three?
35:34I appreciate it.
35:34Yeah, who's thinking it is?
35:35Two or three?
35:36Three.
35:37Three?
35:37Three.
35:38It's like, this has actually been the most distressing decision of the entire shoot.
35:42It's like two or three cases of beer for the boat ride where we're going to be out for,
35:46you know, 24 hours.
35:50It used to be exciting.
35:53So the last location on the shoot was on a houseboat in the backwaters of Kerala, and
35:57this was actually the location where there was the high terror alert.
36:00Things look relatively quiet, and our security firm thought, yeah, it's all right, go ahead.
36:05So we went.
36:06We were approaching, like, the last scenes of the show.
36:16You know, this is an example where I, everybody else is eating, and I'm not allowed to eat.
36:20I can't eat because I've got to save what appetite I have for the imminent meal scenes.
36:26What time's his dinner?
36:296, 6, 6, 30.
36:30Eat something now.
36:31Eat a little bit.
36:33Wow.
36:34Come on, Joe.
36:35You ever had crew lunch like this?
36:36Here, look at that.
36:37This looks great.
36:39Sorry, Tony.
36:39Breakfast?
36:41No.
36:42Lunch?
36:43No.
36:45Have a nice decorous with me, guys.
36:48Please stop cautiously enjoying your food so much.
36:51Very good.
36:52Nothing's worse than when you sit there, you're watching the crew eat a good meal.
36:58You know, and I can't eat because I'm saving it for, you know, the scene.
37:03I'll stare at the camera.
37:08Chris Todd is requesting that you move out of the way a bit.
37:11Can we just finish what we're doing real quick here?
37:13We knew we were going out on boats, so we left some equipment behind, and the equipment
37:17that we did bring, actually, we spread out across three boats, and, of course, what you
37:21need on the boat you're on is on another boat, so you just have to improvise.
37:27I'm a little cranky, too.
37:28I'm looking forward to a high-pressure shower and, you know, high Fred count.
37:35Okay, we can bring the food.
37:37Here we go.
37:39Okay, before you dig in there, let's just get a pretty shot of the plate.
37:42Being out on those houseboats, it was quite a long day.
37:45It was hot out there, and sunlight's bouncing off the water.
37:48I mean, everybody's getting tired.
37:50The end is near.
37:58You can see it, but it's not there yet.
38:05Good?
38:06All right, here we go.
38:09Act six is next.
38:11I feel like we've got a couple of scenes to pick up before we're done.
38:28It's going to suck today.
38:30As soon as I step out from under the spade.
38:34Come on, come on.
38:35You're on set.
38:37Here's what I want to do.
38:38Yeah.
38:38Walk them through over here at the end of Gino and Tony.
38:52Oh, man, you stepped in a schema?
38:57Elephant.
38:59You got like 20 minutes.
39:01Oh, is that a bad angle?
39:02Is that a double chin angle?
39:04Looks like Burning Man.
39:08How do you feel overall of the shoot?
39:10I think it's going really well.
39:12Good?
39:13All right, here we go.
39:16I think the environment dictated the sort of mellowness of the shoot.
39:21I think those shows are about our best.
39:22You're having a good time.
39:24You're genuinely enjoying yourself.
39:26I don't mean just me.
39:27I mean, you know, the whole crew.
39:28You know, I think mostly the things that we wanted to happen this week happened.
39:33It comes down to how happy is Tony.
39:37Then again, sometimes when he's unhappy, that's great, too.
39:41When you're getting the scenes that you want, then other factors like occasionally tweltering
39:47paint really recede in importance.
39:49I mean, you can get past, you know, really tough climate or weather conditions if the food's
39:54really good and the people are nice.
39:57Oh, nice.
39:58See, I told you, I get money on this game.
40:00How important is it for you to work with your members that you know?
40:10How long have you known this lot?
40:11Well, let's see.
40:12I've known Todd since season one.
40:15I think the third or fourth show.
40:18I go back with Chris to Cook's tour in 2000.
40:24Jerry, I go back to Cook's tour.
40:30Second season of Cook's tour.
40:33I feel better already.
40:34You're off the show, by the way, Jerry.
40:36Zach, we think I don't know how many shows together.
40:39I think we've learned something here today, Zach.
40:41Yes, sir.
40:41I don't know what that is.
40:42But Diane goes back to Cook's tour.
40:45Wait, I've got to readjust so I get my tan lines straight.
40:48So this is sort of like a supergroup.
40:51You know, it's like Blind Faith or the Traveling Wilburys of shooter teams.
40:55You're just having too much fun, man.
40:56This is work.
40:57It's serious.
40:58Jerry, Alex.
40:59Chris, please, put some pants on.
41:03We'll make it work.
41:05You know, I go where I want to go.
41:07I'm working with friends.
41:08And we've been given the freedom to tell the story of what happened any way we want.
41:14This is very unusual.
41:15You know that, right?
41:16It is very unusual.
41:17I know that.
41:18I know I'm very lucky.
41:19It's why, you know, can't, won't, shouldn't, you know, get off the pony.
41:23He seems wildly enthusiastic.
41:27Lots of mountain climbers like this.
41:30I endure for me what I would endure for no man.
41:32This is normal.
41:33Because you're right.
41:34It looks like subcutaneous larvae, or it could be the travel bug effect.
41:41Always thirsty for adventure.
41:44It's going to be like blue water, brown death.
41:48All for television.
41:51Bye.
41:52Can I do this?
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