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00:00Right. Yes. All right, folks. How's everybody feeling? How's everyone feeling? Good, good,
00:07good. We good. We're doing all right on this rainy Sunday. Everybody's okay. Yeah. Well,
00:16I just, I wanted to kind of recap that conversation we just had. And I want to thank everybody
00:22again for being here and hello to everybody who's at home. And I think, I think the timing
00:29of this event is so important because as we come out of the, out of lockdown and out
00:36of, out of the pandemic, right? I feel like we don't talk enough about how it affected
00:40us. And, and we didn't get to have spaces like this for a really long time, you know?
00:45So, and especially as black women, I think community is really important for us. So I
00:50just, I hope that everybody has an opportunity to really enjoy being in community with each
00:56other and in conversation with each other. It is so important. So if you are in the back
01:03and you're not taking a picture yet, come back and join us. We have another incredible conversation
01:08that we're going to get into. So I want to give folks in the back an opportunity to join
01:12us. And, and also later today, we'll be having some, some incredible activities. I know we'll
01:21be doing a little bit of Pilates, some exercise. So I hope folks came ready to exercise and just
01:27ready to be in community with each other and to really pour into yourself. I don't know
01:31about y'all, but I think as, for me, as a black woman, I'm often pouring into everybody
01:35else. Okay. I'm, I'm always giving to everybody else. I, it's funny. I'm on planes a lot. And
01:41I think about that, like, put your mask first on, like put on your mask first. And I always
01:46wondered to myself, if God forbid, my plane was actually like, if I actually needed to do
01:51it, I almost think that sometimes I would put somebody else masks on first. Like it
01:55just comes naturally to me. And I have to remind myself how important it is to put on my mask
02:02first. And so that's what we're doing here today, y'all. We are putting our own masks
02:06on first. So y'all ready for this next conversation? All right, let's do it. All right. So for anyone
02:15who may not have been present for our last conversation, and if you're joining us, come on through, come
02:20sit down and join us. I'm Danielle Cadet, executive editor and VP of content here at Essence. And
02:28in this next segment, segment, we're going to be discussing a topic that is all too personal
02:33for so many of us black women, black maternal mortality. Okay. Specifically, we'll be speaking
02:41honestly and transparently about ways we can improve our womb health during pregnancy for both
02:48baby and mom in an effort to continue to actively battle the black maternal mortality rate. That's
02:57extremely important. So joining me now, I have to have this very important discussion. Please welcome
03:04founder of the White Dress Project, Tanika Gray-Valbrum, perinatal health mental health therapist and
03:12clinical director, Keisha Reeves, and founder of Fertility for Colored Girls, Dr. Stacy L. Edwards.
03:19Thank you all for being here and for, and for your willingness to have this conversation. If you're in the back and you want to come on and join us, we are having an incredible conversation about maternal mortality, which, um, according to research,
03:37reports, has increased in the United States during the pandemic, um, and increased during the pandemic, which is scary and troubling. And so I'm so excited to get into this conversation with you all. Um, and this is for everybody to answer and we can just dig
04:07a little bit more about what we're talking about. When we talk about black maternal mortality, what are we talking about exactly? I think that word, a lot of people have heard it. We read it in the news. There have been some incredible documentaries. It's kind of becoming like a buzzword now. And I just wonder if you, if the three of you could tell us a little bit about what exactly are we talking about when we say black maternal mortality?
04:29How it is defined, um, it's whenever there's a death that happens to a birthing parent, whenever they are pregnant or after they've given birth, um, and sometimes even after they have gotten discharged and it could have been health related. It could have been due to any complications that happen during labor and delivery and the numbers in Georgia are astounding in which it occurs, um, where they're not feeling heard if they have any type of
04:59swelling, hypertension, if something is, is off for them. And it doesn't matter based off of your socioeconomic status. Yes. Your education. Yes. Um, but just because you are a black woman, you may go unhurt.
05:12Mm. Mm. Yeah. Anything to add? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She summed it up. Yeah. So Dr. Edwards, what are some of the links between fertility, infertility and black maternal mortality?
05:28Well, thank you. Oftentimes people try to disassociate those three things, but the reality is, is that they all are linked because they all fall up under the umbrella of women's health. In our situation, black women's health.
05:43And for decades, as we know, there have been numerous, uh, racial disparities amongst black women, just simply for the fact, one, because we are people who have been kissed by nature's son.
05:55And I think that also, um, just to put a pin there is that much of the disparities really goes back to slavery and the impact of slavery on that of the perception of reproductive health, um, particularly in women, because we were seen as breeders.
06:12Yes. Right. As breeders. And, um, we were also a commodity. So there was no value in us. And so I think that that has been continued, um, particularly throughout, um, even to this generation, such that now, um, the links also are that there are, is lack of access to care, whether it's prenatal care or fertility care.
06:34We don't have hospitals. We don't have fertility clinics in our communities. We have to take buses or, uh, you know, go a long way to get access. We also, there's provider bias, right? Or medical distrust. Um, there's also, uh, again, financial issues because even within our communities, many black people do not, or women, as well as couples do not have insurance or financial access to be able to receive care.
07:00So I think all of those things become links for us. And then we also have chronic diseases such as, you know, so whether you're experiencing infertility or fertility, or you're trying to get pregnant, many of us have issues with weight, issues with diabetes, and issues with hypertension.
07:17So I think all of those things become links between all three that fall under the umbrella of women's health and particularly black women's health.
07:26Hmm. That's so, that, that is really important to know. And I mean, just that legacy of slavery and disenfranchisement, right?
07:35Yeah.
07:35So often we hear people like, first of all, we all know slavery was not that long ago. Okay. There are folks who's, you know, who have family members who were born into slavery.
07:45That's right.
07:45Um, and the legacy of slavery is still, we still feel it so, um, palpably today. And, um, you know, no matter where, uh, where you are, as far as socioeconomic background, education level, you know, we as black people are still very impacted by the legacy of disenfranchisement in this country.
08:07And the legacy of racism, quite frankly, in this country. Tanika, um, I want to talk a bit about fibroids.
08:14Yes.
08:14Um, it is such a, um, it is an experience that so many black women have.
08:21Yes.
08:21It's so common amongst black women. I certainly have that experience with, with my pregnancy, with my daughter.
08:27And, um, I want to talk about how can fibroids impact fertility, um, as well as the before, during, and after stages of pregnancy.
08:37Because I think with fibroids, there's a bit of confusion of like, at what stage you can be affected, right?
08:44Like whether or not it's before you get pregnant, during your pregnancy, after your pregnancy, you know, I think I've made the mistake of thinking like, oh, well, I've had a baby and I'm in the clear, right?
08:53It doesn't, fibroids won't affect me, but I would love to talk about just how fibroids impact all of it.
08:59Yeah, absolutely. Thank you so much for the question, because I think it's so important for us to think about what are some things that reproductive health can be challenged by.
09:09Um, and so fibroids are non-cancerous growth that can grow in and around a woman's uterus and they absolutely, absolutely can impact infertility and your fertility journey,
09:22your journey to motherhood, your mental health. Um, one of the most important things about fibroids is where they are located.
09:30Um, the real estate that fibroids can take up in your body is directly linked to how they can impact your fertility.
09:37So one of the first things you want to know when you get a fibroids diagnosis is where are they located?
09:43You also want to know the size and number that you have.
09:47Um, and a lot of times, um, you don't know that information because doctors will feel one thing on a pelvic exam.
09:57And then when you do an MRI or you get into surgery, it's another thing. Um, so that can be problematic.
10:03Some of the symptoms with fibroids are heavy menstrual bleeding, bloating, always looking like you're pregnant, um, frequent urination, uh, pain with intercourse, pain with your period.
10:16Um, so those are, are just the, the common things.
10:19And I, I would add the caveat that not every woman who has fibroids has those symptoms, but those are some of the predominant symptoms.
10:28So when we think of before pregnancy, we have to think of the symptoms of fibroids.
10:34So for example, heavy menstrual bleeding can cause severe, uh, iron deficiency, anemia.
10:40Um, just a bit of my personal story, cause I always say, you know, we're, we're not doctors.
10:46Um, but through my personal story, this is what I know to be true.
10:50So I've had multiple, uh, blood transfusions due to my iron deficiency anemia because I was constantly bleeding, um, during my period and multiple times throughout the month.
11:03Um, so that's one thing before, uh, pregnancy, anemia can be the problem.
11:09Um, fibroids can also cause problems with implementation.
11:13So getting a fertilized egg to the uterus, it can also, um, distort the fallopian tubes.
11:20And then when you think of during pregnancy, um, it's even more troubling.
11:26Um, because once again, depending on location, it can distort your uterine cavity.
11:33Um, you can also have something that, um, allows your placenta to, um, pull away from the uterine wall.
11:42And that can cause bleeding, a bleed area, they call it, which is a, a subchorionic hemorrhage.
11:49And I'll just say, share very transparently, um, in October, I had a pregnancy loss and that was the situation that my fibroids, even though they were not in the cavity, they were pressing against my uterus and cause that, um, uh, placenta to come away from the uterine wall.
12:11So needless to say, during pregnancy, it can cause miscarriage and preterm labor.
12:16And then after pregnancy, unfortunately, fibroids can still rear its ugly head and cause pain and cause your uterus not to contract back down to normal size.
12:28So I'm not saying, I want to put it out there that not every woman who has fibroids and is pregnant will have a complication.
12:37Obviously you talked about your story.
12:39Right, right.
12:40Um, but if you get nothing else from what I've said, it's to be an advocate for yourself.
12:45You, you've just heard my story and you know that potentially it can happen.
12:50So it makes you, uh, a better advocate for yourself.
12:54It makes you more vigilant.
12:56It makes you have an additional question you can ask your doctor.
13:00Um, so that's why these conversations are so important.
13:03That is so powerful.
13:04And thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing your story.
13:08Um, I'm so sorry to hear about your pregnancy loss, but I think just have, saying that out loud, we, we, we, we don't say that.
13:18Right.
13:18Um, we don't talk about it very often.
13:20Um, and so thank you so much for sharing that with us and for that valuable information.
13:25I know, I think it's extremely important for so many women to hear, um, about what the symptoms can be, what the experiences can be, and the importance of advocating for ourselves as, as, as black women.
13:37Um, Keisha, um, from where you sit, what are some common mental health struggles black women experience most when trying to conceive and also when going through each trimester after becoming pregnant?
13:53I mean, I think just kind of coming off of Tanika's personal story there, there's, you know, I know we're talking about the, uh, the, the health aspect for our bodies, but what about for our minds?
14:06I mean, it's, it's, it's, it's really challenging and trying, right?
14:10So a lot of people don't know about the specialty of maternal mental health and it encompasses all the way from trying to conceive all the way through parenthood.
14:20And oftentimes for people who are trying to conceive, they can suffer from depression, anxiety, um, also become very focused on the act of trying to conceive.
14:33And so when working with clients, it's helping them find the other areas of their life that they are fulfilled in because trying to get pregnant can take over your day to day and the, the whole frontal lobe of your brain, um, even down to intimacy where sex is only about trying to get pregnant versus just the fun of sex.
14:53Right.
14:53Or then like your self-esteem, how you feel about yourself.
14:56If you feel as if your body has betrayed you, if you don't feel as adequate, and then you have to deal with family members or friends who maybe don't understand who will say, you know, just give it time, pray about it.
15:06It'll happen.
15:07You'll have another one even after having a loss.
15:10Right.
15:10Um, and then all the way, often what I see whenever there are black mothers who are pregnant, um, sometimes it is the fear because we see the statistics all over social media and we talk about it so often.
15:22And I'll often tell clients don't allow the statistics to define your fate.
15:26It is good to find the balance of being informed and to know, you know, what is the things that you need to ask, to ask, to advocate for how you need to create the strive for yourself, but also don't own it and let it be a part of your story.
15:40Yes.
15:41Um, and then just being black in America and having the anxiety of, oh my gosh, I'm about to birth this black child in this world that is not built to support them and uplift them.
15:51100% and not allowing that to steal your joy because at the end of the day, you are giving birth to an infant and you deserve to be joyful in that.
16:02Um, in the postpartum stage after having a baby, um, sometimes it's just the adjustment of motherhood.
16:09And I like to tell people about postpartum depression does not look like you want to kill your child.
16:14Um, sometimes it could just be feeling overwhelmed.
16:17Um, and also if you are someone who's coming from a place of infertility and finally you have been granted with having this child, having this guilt because you're struggling and feeling as if like, well, you know, this is what I asked for.
16:29I should be able to do it, which will make you not want to ask for help, may not want to have supports around you.
16:35And that can make it even harder.
16:37And then something about black women is we have black, strong black woman syndrome.
16:41Yeah.
16:42Talk about it.
16:43That we are constantly trying to fight against.
16:45Where it's like, well, I'm supposed to do it.
16:47Ain't nobody else do it but me.
16:48I need to just, you know, power through it.
16:50Um, and when we even think about our ancestors, when we talk about slavery, there was no space for self-care Sundays or doing yoga or meditation.
16:59Um, so generationally, we may not give that to ourselves, but we deserve that.
17:05And it's not wrong if you want to take Mother's Day to not be with your child.
17:09It's okay if you want to go to the spa.
17:11Please say that again.
17:12Please say it again.
17:13Say it again for the folks in the back.
17:15Say it again.
17:16Yes.
17:16It is okay.
17:17It is okay.
17:19Mother's Day can, you don't have to be with your child on Mother's Day.
17:22I'm about to be with your child on Mother's Day.
17:23I'm about to call my husband right now and say that's what I want for Mother's Day.
17:27Yes.
17:27Yes.
17:27Two big things I tell my clients is define motherhood on your standards.
17:32Yes.
17:33Don't allow society to tell you what it has to look like.
17:36And that by you taking care of yourself is how you can best take care of your child.
17:40Mm-hmm.
17:41Um, so from the beginning to the end, anxiety, depression, stress management is something that they deal with.
17:46But being able to get support and being able to feel heard is how they can get through it.
17:51Absolutely.
17:52That's so many great points.
17:54I mean, I do think, you know, the reports can be scary.
17:58The numbers themselves can be really, really terrifying.
18:01Um, and it can make you not want to even try.
18:05Because it, I remember having a similar experience of, like, what if I die?
18:10What if my child dies?
18:10Like, what, you know, what, I don't even know if I want to try.
18:15And then, you know, I think in 2020, when we're sort of at the height of the racial reckoning, so to speak, as it's been called, um, you know, just from a personal experience, I was pregnant at the time.
18:27And it was hard to feel excited about bringing a black child into the world.
18:32It's hard to feel, you know, joyful, but at the same time wonder what is my black baby experience going to be in this country, you know, that where racism is so, is such a part of the fabric of this society.
18:48So, that's so many, ugh, so many great points.
18:51And again, I'm not, I'm not going to spend Mother's Day with, because I spend every day at my time.
18:58Okay, so for all of you, let's, let's talk a little bit about, you know, for black women who are trying to conceive or even planning to start trying, even just thinking about it, what are the top three things they need to begin to do, um, they need to begin doing to prepare their bodies to be as healthy and as strong as possible?
19:17Because I think we're always like, we're strong, we're strong, but what, you know, I think sometimes part of being strong is that we're putting other people before ourselves and we're not actually prioritizing ourselves and our bodies.
19:27So, what do we need to be doing to prepare our bodies for, to conceive?
19:33Taniki, you want to start?
19:34Yeah, sure, I'll start.
19:35I think one of the things that, um, needs to happen is that you really need to know what's going on.
19:40I always say that I am the CEO of my body, nobody else can tell me more than I can tell myself or more than I know what is happening within my body.
19:49And that is not to, you know, discredit physicians at all, because obviously they have an expertise, they have clinical knowledge, um, but it's important for you to know exactly what's going on in your body so that you can partner with your physician to make the best health outcomes that you want for yourself.
20:07So, um, so when I say that, I mean, knowing what your vitamin D levels are, especially in our community, black women suffer with low vitamin D because our melanin processes differently.
20:19Right.
20:19So, it's so important for you to get your vitamin D level checked.
20:22Your thyroid, when you're thinking about conceiving and pregnancy, your thyroid level is very important.
20:29Yeah.
20:29I talked about iron deficiency anemia before.
20:32Your iron is so important.
20:33Yes.
20:34So, those, you know, kind of physical, well, well, wellness woman checks are so important for us to know what's going on.
20:42And then you have to know what's going on with your uterus.
20:45Yes.
20:46Right?
20:46So, not only fibroids, but is there PCOS, endometriosis, adenomyosis.
20:52Right.
20:53All of these things that we have never heard of before.
20:56Yeah.
20:56And I always advocate for, we really need to revamp sex ed because we need to be talking about these reproductive health things with our young girls, whether you want to be a mother or not.
21:08Right.
21:09Right.
21:09Not everybody wants to be a mother, but it's important for us to know what is going on below the belt.
21:15Absolutely.
21:16So, my answer would be, make sure you know what's happening and get those things checked out.
21:21That's such a great point.
21:22I think there's so many times where I've just gone to my annual and been like, well, I'm good.
21:26Okay.
21:26Bye.
21:26You know, and I didn't really think about it until when I was actually thinking about becoming a parent and had a real conversation with my OBGYN or even with my primary physician about just like, what do I need to be thinking about?
21:41I don't, I don't know that we really think about it that much.
21:44We're just like, let me go get my annual and please, everyone should be getting their annual wellness checkup.
21:51But, you know, you're not really thinking about beyond that.
21:54So, such a great point.
21:55And I will say that if a doctor is not asking about those things, time to find a new doctor.
22:00Amen.
22:00Yes.
22:01Yes.
22:01Anything to add?
22:02I think to add to that, I think that we should consider, in addition to the test you talked about, making sure that you get a full fertility status workup to find out what your ovarian reserve is, to make sure your fallopian tubes are open.
22:17Again, to check your uterine cavity to make sure that everything is okay, to make sure that fibroids are not there, endometriosis is not there, you're not experiencing PCOS.
22:28But also to make sure that your uterine cavity is normal.
22:33I found out after six in vitro cycles that had failed that I had a unicornate uterus.
22:42And so my uterus is shaped like a banana.
22:45And the first technician missed it when I began my fertility journey at 37 years old, which in turn impacted my in vitro cycles as I moved through my journey.
22:58So I think that is imperative.
23:00I think it's very imperative for us as black women to make sure that we're eating right.
23:04Your foundation should be strong as you are preparing to become a parent.
23:09That you should be fertile mind, body, and soul.
23:13That we should be life-giving persons prior to being able to birth forth life.
23:20So that your mind should be life-giving.
23:22Your spirit should be life-giving.
23:24Your body should be life-giving.
23:27That you should be putting the right foods in your body.
23:30That you should be making sure that you separate from toxic people and toxic things.
23:35Because those things have the ability to impede upon your ability to conceive.
23:40And so I think for me, I would suggest those particular things.
23:45Make sure your foundation is strong and solid.
23:48Mind, body, and spirit.
23:50Oh, can we get a round of applause for that word?
23:53Yes.
23:54Woo!
23:55Woo!
23:57And I, you know, you touched on something, Dr. Edwards, that I want to chat about.
24:03Um, is the impact that heightened levels of stress have.
24:09Everything from demanding jobs, to toxic relationships, to overwhelming situations in life.
24:16Those all, you know, that those, all of those things can affect pregnancy health for both baby and for mom.
24:23And as black women, we sustain so much.
24:26We put so much on our shoulders.
24:28We, we navigate so much.
24:30We take care of our families, even when we're not parents, right?
24:33There are a lot of, a lot of, uh, black women who are, are parenting even before they become mothers.
24:40Um, I want to talk about the impact that those heightened levels of stress can have on our bodies.
24:47And how can we navigate those things as we think, as we prepare, um, to conceive.
24:52But also as, as women sort of navigate pregnancies and family planning in general.
24:57I would definitely say being able to have a therapist, just in general, to learn some strategies of being able to have some stress management exercises or, um, managing your anxiety.
25:10A lot of the times people can think of stress as something that you have to physically look overwhelmed, or you have to have a panic attack to look as if you have anxiety.
25:19But it could be racing thoughts, lack of sleep, um, not able to focus, feel like you constantly have this running to-do list, feeling like you have so much on your plate that you have to strategize.
25:30And then if you add on trying to conceive, pregnancy, or being a parent, that's just a whole nother thing that you're dumping on your plate.
25:36So if you already have coping skills put into place, at least those can transfer on, and you can be able to banner manage.
25:43And then to give, like, some additional resources, there's an app called the Expectful app, and it was created by a black woman.
25:50And it's for meditation exercises and affirmations for people who are trying to conceive, as well as parenthood.
25:57Expectful.
25:57The Expectful app.
25:58Expectful.
25:59Um, so just being able to have those things to navigate it.
26:02And I tell clients also, have a balance of being able to surrender to the unknown.
26:07Um, and that is so hard, especially when we want to control and have a plan and a timeline of things.
26:14But if you can just be able to surrender, because we're trying to conceive, and pregnancy, and parenthood, you can have plan A, and plan B can have you pivot and turn to plan C.
26:23Yes.
26:24You have no idea what to expect.
26:25And so that you don't feel so overwhelmed of the unexpected, you can already be surrendering to the unexpected.
26:31Absolutely.
26:32I just want to, um, share this phrase that I heard from a therapist one time, and she said, um, happiness is letting go of the expectation of what you thought would be, and just be.
26:44Um, so even through my own fertility journey, that's where I've had to rest.
26:49Just allowing whatever it's supposed to be, will be.
26:53And I know that whatever it is, it can't miss me if it's for me.
26:57So resting in that, as Keisha just talked about, is so important.
27:01And I always say, too, just get you a good group of girlfriends, because sometimes just a girl's day out can just relieve so much stress.
27:11Absolutely.
27:12Absolutely.
27:12And just talking about these things, right?
27:14Like, I mean, even just in this conversation alone, knowing that there are other women who have had experiences, things that you didn't, you don't even know exist, can go a long way, can go such a long way.
27:26You know, we've talked a little bit about advocating for ourselves, and, um, so much about black maternal mortality, the fear is that we're not being listened to.
27:36You know, when we say something's not right, when we say, you know, something's off, doctors are not listening to us.
27:43Um, and so many black women have turned to doulas, um, either in addition to or in lieu of a traditional OB.
27:53What are your thoughts about the role doulas can play in helping to combat the black maternal mortality rate?
27:58I am for it.
28:01I am all about anyone creating the birth or labor in which they want to design.
28:07Um, research has shown that back in the day, when all we had was midwives, the mortality rate was significantly lower.
28:15It was safer to have children.
28:17Um, so rather you want to have a hospitalized birth or you want to have a doula, the purpose is to be able to have a tribe of people who you feel like really listen to you and want to help you create the birth that you want to have.
28:28And I also tell clients, if they want to have a hospital birth, if you don't feel like that nurse is doing what you want, ask for another nurse, go to the charge nurse.
28:36If you have an OBGYN that you don't feel hurt, you can switch to have another OBGYN all the way up until 40 weeks.
28:43So whenever you give birth, don't feel like you are stuck to someone, create the birth that you want to have.
28:48Yes.
28:49Yes.
28:50Yeah.
28:50And I would suggest the same, that doulas are outstanding.
28:54And so whether you are choosing a doula or a medical provider at a hospital or a doctor's office, the goal is to make sure that you find someone that's going to partner with you on your journey.
29:04Yes.
29:05Doulas, doctors, they're supposed to be your help meets on the journey.
29:09And so making sure that you trust them and that they are partners.
29:14And that your soul, listen to your intuition, and that your soul is well with whoever you decide to partner with.
29:22Absolutely.
29:22Absolutely.
29:23Yes.
29:24Yes.
29:24And I want to dig in a little bit more as we talk about advocacy.
29:28So certainly doulas, and such a great point in that, like, back in the day when black women were, again, as a tribe, you know, black physicians and nurses were really ensuring that black babies and mothers were healthy.
29:45But let's talk about self-advocacy, too, right?
29:48So making that decision, of course, if you make the decision to have a doula in addition or in lieu of an OB, but also how we advocate for ourselves.
29:58What are those direct questions about things like advanced testing or special care that expectant black mothers can ask their doctors in order to advocate for themselves if they feel like something's not right or something's wrong?
30:13What are some things that we can do, writing a birth plan, talking with your partner about, you know, I was very aware of the fact, especially giving birth during the pandemic, I'd always imagined that my mother would be there with me.
30:26But in the pandemic, at the beginning of the pandemic, a lot of women couldn't even have, a lot of birthing parents couldn't have their partners there.
30:34But so also talking to your partner about, and family about advocacy, let's talk about that.
30:41What can we, what are the questions we should be asking?
30:43What should we be telling our support system?
30:46You know, so for the people who are in the room, when you're in labor and you're not all the way there, that you also have somebody advocating.
30:54So what can we be asking ourselves and what should we be telling our support system?
30:59For me, I think first level, when you, first of all, you find a doctor that you're going to partner with.
31:05Two, when you get into a practice, you find out who the doctors are.
31:10You make sure you educate, because a lot of times there are practice of doctors.
31:14You don't know what doctor you're going to see.
31:16And so making sure you educate yourself about the doctors.
31:19I knew that, um, I have three, three children.
31:23I was blessed to have all after infertility challenges at the age of 43.
31:28And I just had a set of twins at the age of 50.
31:31Oh my goodness.
31:32That is amazing.
31:34And so, but one of the things I asked was, I knew there were two black doctors in the practice.
31:40And I wanted to know what days they worked.
31:42Because, and I asked the nurses, what days do they work?
31:46Because those are the days that I want to come in here.
31:49Because I wanted to make sure.
31:50And, and, and so asking those questions, who's going to deliver my baby, right?
31:55And also understanding that there is no crazy question.
32:00Pay attention to your intuition.
32:02If something doesn't feel right, you say something about it and you push to get, you know, to,
32:07to make sure that you get the support and the accommodations that you need.
32:11Again, and again, they can't tell you how you're feeling.
32:15If you're bleeding or if you've got a consistent headache, say something about it.
32:19Ask about it.
32:20Make sure, make sure you ask, where do I go if there's an emergency?
32:23If I feel like my baby isn't moving, where do I need to go?
32:27Who do I need to report to?
32:28What's the emergency number?
32:30I'm not leaving here without an emergency number.
32:32Because if I'm feeling something, I want to be able to call.
32:35So asking those questions at all times.
32:38I think that, I think that's very significant as well.
32:41I'm going to share one quick story.
32:43I remember when I was, I was pregnant with my, at 43 with my first daughter.
32:47I had just, I had, I got pregnant with her after seven in vitro cycles.
32:53And I was, I went to the hospital.
32:55I had no high blood pressure, no diabetes the entire time.
33:00But the black doctor that, one of the black doctors that were part of the practice was
33:04on the floor with me.
33:05And my blood pressure went up for the first time.
33:08And she was like, told the nurses, what's the problem?
33:11Why aren't you, you know, why aren't you doing something it's about?
33:13This isn't even normal for her.
33:15I'm saying that to say that I had a support system.
33:18Not only a family and friends, but also people on staff who were looking out for me.
33:24Make sure you build relationships with the people that are at the hospital or whoever
33:29is serving you so that they can support you as well.
33:33Yes, absolutely.
33:35And, you know, self-advocacy is what we're all about at the White Dress Project.
33:39We want everyone to know that if you are, you know, with a physician that is not serving
33:46you and not partnering with you in the right way, then it's time to find a new physician.
33:51I always say finding a physician is like dating.
33:55Like if it's, if we not, then it's time to go.
33:59It's time to go.
34:01And I think a lot of times we're so stuck on, you know, it's another PTO day or it's
34:06another new orientation, but you're worth it.
34:10Your health is worth it.
34:11Just like the theme for this year, love thyself, right?
34:15So it's so important to make sure that we are finding the right doctors, Dr.
34:19Stacey said, um, because it, it goes to our overall health, right?
34:24And then finding a tribe, like making sure that the people around you know what your
34:30health outcome is and, and know what your plan is.
34:33Um, so I think Dr.
34:35Stacey summed it up, but those questions, having a tribe, making sure you're with the
34:39right doctor.
34:40And then really being invested in what you want the end outcome to be.
34:46It's so important because then everybody else needs to get with your game plan.
34:50Right.
34:51Absolutely.
34:52Ladies, I cannot thank you enough for this conversation.
34:54I mean, you all have been so just vulnerable and sharing your story.
34:59Dr.
34:59Stacey, what an incredible and just, just encouraging, inspiring story you have in your, in your,
35:05uh, planning journey.
35:06Thank you all so much, um, for just being here and for all of this.
35:11Could you just let us know really quickly how we can say, keep in touch with you on social
35:15media?
35:16Can you just share, um, where we could find you maybe on social media, Instagram, Twitter,
35:20wherever.
35:21Please follow the white dress project at we can wear white on Instagram.
35:25We'd love to have you.
35:26We're having our, uh, conference in July, July 14th to the 16th in DC.
35:32Um, so follow us at, we can wear white.
35:35Yes.
35:36You can follow me at two places.
35:38Keisha Reeves.com.
35:39That's Reeves, R E A V E S or on Instagram at Keisha underscore Reeves.
35:44Um, my other page is push through mom.
35:46That's through T H R U or at push through mom.
35:50You can follow me on Instagram at Dr.
35:53Stacey L Edwards done also at FFCG hope for fertility for colored girls.
35:59You're welcome to check out my website at Dr.
36:02Stacey L Edwards, done.com and pick up a copy of my book called hold on to hope stories
36:08of black women, fertility, and their faith to be fight to become mothers.
36:12Yes.
36:12Brilliant women.
36:13Let's get a round of applause.
36:15Thank you so much.
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