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00:00A lot of times we think that we are evolving because we just moved on past what happened.
00:05But true evolving is when we take the time to gather every piece of ourselves,
00:10shattered as it may be, broken or disappointed as it may be, hopeful as it may be,
00:16and say, what do I do with what I have left?
00:21You're right about that idea of us being like sort of a woman can be or anyone can be stuck,
00:27right? In that place where you just feel like your feet are in the mud and you're stuck with
00:33your mistakes or stuck with the decision that you made. So talk a little bit about what it means to
00:39answer that call to evolve. What does that mean to you?
00:43You know, a lot of times we think that we are evolving because we just moved on past what
00:48happened. But true evolving is when we take the time to gather every piece of ourselves,
00:54shattered as it may be, broken or disappointed as it may be, hopeful as it may be, and say,
01:00what do I do with what I have left? I have found that a lot of times in my own journey,
01:05in the journey of women who have allowed me access to their lives and their soul,
01:10is that we think that moving on is pretending it never happened. But Woman Evolve really begs the
01:16question, who would you be if you could own that it happened? If you could recognize that I don't have
01:21to disconnect from that part of my life, but rather I have to dig in it and excavate the wisdom so that
01:28the present and the future can be as vibrant as possible. Eventually, when we disconnect from our
01:34lives, we go on, but we end up feeling numb and kind of disassociated with what's happening around us
01:39because we learn to divide ourselves instead of collecting all of who we are for every part of
01:44our journey. Sarah, dividing ourselves? I mean, that is true. That's what we do, right? That's what we are
01:54guilty of, especially as a wife, as a mother, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend. We have so
02:03many roles that we take on. So there's also, I feel like when we say that, there's so many opportunities
02:08for us to blame ourselves or take guilt or responsibility for someone other than ourselves.
02:15So what does self-care mean to you, especially like now that we're living in a pandemic? And
02:20what do you think it should mean to other Black women? Oh man, I believe that self-care, I actually
02:26call it something, I think what you're speaking to is what I label in the book as soul care. I think for
02:32the last few years, what we've called self-care has really come down to, girl, you need to get your nails
02:37done, you need to get your hair done. But what do you do when you do all of the things for your
02:41physical self, but your soul still feels empty? That is soul care. And every Black woman needs to
02:48understand the power of being connected with her soul. It's how we determine what boundaries we need.
02:55It determines how we show up in the world. Maybe I can't be the strong friend today. On some days,
03:00I check in with my soul and I feel like I have capacity to take on other people's issues. Other days,
03:05I check in with my soul and I realize that I am the one that needs to have compassion for myself.
03:10Soul care is not something that even requires like you going somewhere for 50 minutes in a quiet room.
03:15I'm talking about 10 minutes, intentional breathing, meditation with yourself, focusing in on your body,
03:23recognizing and thanking your body for showing up for you, but then asking yourself, how am I?
03:28And giving yourself time to fully respond to that question from your soul.
03:32And I feel like moms right now, they need that because the burnout from moms in this pandemic,
03:42having to be, you know, work at home for a lot of mothers and also have their kids being schooled
03:48at home or having to be a frontline worker and have to figure out how to take care of your kid who's
03:54not going to school or daycare. I feel like the burnout, I mean, talk about what that means to self-care
04:00means to you as a mother and sort of your best advice for working through this difficult time for
04:05moms. You know, I feel like a lot of times for me as a mother that I feel pressure to show up for my
04:12children, to show up with energy, to show up with excitement, to show up as someone who's going to
04:17have dinner on the table by six and then read the stories in the best voice possible. But I have
04:23realized more and more lately that showing up for myself, even as it relates to motherhood,
04:28is inviting my children as it is appropriate on their level into my world to say things like
04:33mommy's tired today. So I'm going to order in and maybe we can cozy up and watch a movie or let's
04:39watch one of your favorite TV shows, but I might fall asleep. Mommy's tired because I do feel like
04:44when we don't see, especially as children, images of our mothers taking time to take care of themselves,
04:52then when we become adults, we have no point of reference for that.
04:55And so even though it means that I have to take off a cape and let them know that I don't have
05:00it all together all of the time, my prayer is that in doing that, that it gives them permission when
05:05they're walking in my shoes in whatever capacity that is to be able to choose themselves, where they
05:11will be able to say, that's what mommy meant when she said she was tired. I get it now.
05:17Absolutely. And I mean, like you said, we have to be able to say that,
05:20to say, you know, this is what we're going through. We are not superhuman. I love that
05:25you say take off the cape because I feel like as black women, we have to do that, Sarah,
05:31to save our lives. Stress is going to kill us if we don't make sure that we are truly eliminating
05:37that stress and that worry from our lives whenever possible and finding ways to evolve to a place of
05:42peace. Oh man, I totally agree. It's so much trauma that we have ingested, the pandemic,
05:50what we're seeing play out in our community over and over and over again. And to not acknowledge
05:56it as trauma is a mistake, even though we may be used to hearing about it, or it feels like the
06:01same old day, different story. We have to recognize that all that means is that it is repeated trauma
06:06and trauma has to have attention brought to it. Trauma has to be healed. And we can't begin to
06:12think that just because we've been exposed to trauma and we're still showing up in the world
06:16that we haven't been affected in some capacity. How has this changed my hope? How has this changed
06:22my faith? How has this changed the way that I show up in the world? A lot of times we become anxious
06:26and we deal with anxiety, not because of one particular thing, but because of a series of things
06:31that are swirling around us that we just didn't have time to fully understand and process.
06:36And we're, like you said, these emotions, they really take over and now more than ever. And I
06:42think, like you mentioned earlier, it's just so critical to forgive ourselves, learn from our
06:48mistakes and be willing to move forward. And it's been interesting, Sarah, and I'm sure you have your
06:53own story about this. I know I do, but a lot of women are sort of finding their purpose with all of
06:59this time that they've been able to have with themselves or with their family, you know, when we were all just
07:04locked down and others are still seeking that. But obviously you found your purpose in ministry
07:10for women, you know, and really talking in that storytelling. What is your advice on finding our
07:17purpose, particularly after trauma or after a mistake? Oh, goodness. Okay. So I talk about this
07:24because purpose is like the big buzzword and everyone's like, where is it? Does Amazon deliver it?
07:30Can I download it? Like, where do I find this purpose thing that finally gives all of my pain
07:36and all of the things that I've gone through value? Here's the real reality is that purpose is how we
07:41wake up in the morning and have the intention in which we show up in our world and our circles.
07:46When I look back over my life, I didn't set out to like start a movement or I want to empower someone.
07:53I can say that now, but when I first began, I really just wanted to find purpose in the day that
07:59I was standing in. Okay. These are the cards I've been dealt. Sometimes they feel like they suck.
08:04I'm a single mom. At that time I was a single mom. And it was, how can I bring purpose in raising
08:08these children? How can I bring purpose in showing up at this job where I can make it better on someone
08:14else? And I think that when we wake up in the consciousness of purpose and we create a life that
08:19is not random. So if I want to discover purpose and I have to eliminate random, this is part of
08:24us saying, I'm serious about making sure that my life adds value no matter where it is. And I believe
08:30that that is what we had the opportunity to do during the pandemic is like, okay, this is what
08:35everyone is experiencing. What can I do that adds value to someone else's life while we're in the midst
08:41of this? And I think to think of opportunities where we add value to the world that we live in
08:47is really just an extension of heaven touching earth. If all hell is breaking loose, then heaven
08:53can touch earth and heaven touches earth through us. And we have to live with that consciousness and
08:58to take it seriously every single day. Absolutely. And I love that as part of the journey of who we
09:05will become. I feel like sometimes we feel like this, where we are is where we're at and where we're
09:11going to be always. And there's always room for that growth and that evolution, which is what you
09:16talk so beautifully about. So I love this idea of always sort of exploring our potential and what
09:23comes next, which you also talk about in the book. So what advice do you have for someone looking to
09:28really like, you know, a lot of people got divorced during this pandemic, moved, right? Quit their job
09:35and just said, you know what, I'm pulling the plug on this and I'm starting something new. So what's
09:39your best advice to them for that journey? Whenever we are starting something new, it is so easy
09:45to feel ill-equipped. It's easy to feel unqualified and inadequate. And yet this moment of new that
09:53you're standing in is an opportunity for a beautiful blank canvas. But when we talk about these blank
09:58canvases, we never talk about the tools that we need in order to turn that blank canvas into a
10:03masterpiece. Every experience that you've had, no matter how dark, colorful, or painful it has been,
10:10is a part of the tools that God will use in order for that blank canvas to become a masterpiece.
10:15What I'm trying to say to you, friend, is that no matter what you've gone through or what new
10:20beginning you're stepping into, you are equipped to handle whatever comes your way. You've got the
10:26wisdom, you've got the knowledge, you've got the smarts to get it done. Just make sure your spirit
10:31is in alignment with what this moment is supposed to represent. It's not about what you're reaching
10:36for. It's about who you're becoming on the inside. Sarah, thank you for that. I think I know I needed
10:44to hear it. A lot of us needed to hear it. It's just really important to stay positive now more than
10:50ever and take care of our mental health and focus on our growth. What else would you like women to take
10:57away from this new book, Women Evolve? My prayer is that when women read Women Evolve, that they would
11:04realize that the revolution is not as difficult or as distant as we think it is. So often we know that
11:11our lives need to change, but it feels like the task is way too arduous. But the truth is that it is
11:17within reach and it is within our ability. And so when you read this book, I'm going to meet you where you
11:22are. But most importantly, I'm going to lovingly challenge you to start moving in the direction
11:27of where the spirit already leads you to, but to help you to really take and remove the barriers
11:33that stand in your way. The revolution is always closer than it appears. And we have to be fueled for
11:39that revolution. One of the things your father actually taught me when we talked to him was about
11:45stop trying to run our car on an empty tank and constantly stopping to, you know, to help other
11:52people fuel up and not having anything for yourself. So you're right. In order for us to continue this
11:57journey and to evolve, we have to take care of ourselves and stay positive.
12:02Oh, yeah, absolutely. From the overflow, right? We know this, but we get into our rhythm and we look
12:08up and we're depleted before we know it. But just remember when you take that time to connect with your
12:13soul to ask yourself, what would me being filled up look like today? Maybe you wake up and you feel
12:18fine, but it's like still take a moment and say, if I were to be filled up, what would that look like
12:23in my life? And then what is in my world that can fill that area of my life? I was telling someone
12:28earlier, help is always closer than we realize. We just aren't always ready to open our mouth and to
12:34receive it. And so be willing to say that you need help sometimes too, instead of filling everyone else up.
12:41Well, Sarah, thank you, as always, for just your words and for holding space for black women in this way.
12:49We appreciate you. Tell everybody where to find the book or where they can reach out to you or hear from you
12:55and really hear this message.
12:57You can find me on all of the socials at Sarah Jakes Roberts and Woman Evolve is available everywhere.
13:04Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Target, Indies, wherever.
13:07Get these blessings, sis.
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