00:00We'll see you next time.
00:30We'll read some of your comments shortly, but joining us now via Skype is a woman who has years of experience counseling couples and families on these very issues. Please welcome Dr. Sherry to Essence Now. Hey, Dr. Sherry, how are you?
00:43Hey, how are you?
00:44Fantastic. Let's jump right into it. Now, what's a mistake most people make when it comes to finances and their marriages?
00:50First thing, they don't talk about it before they say, I do. They go into marriages in debt. They have weddings that they can't afford, so they don't even know what the financial landscape is like for the other person.
01:03So you need to know some information before you say, I do.
01:07Oh, that's a good point, because I was going to ask you, Dr. Sherry, when is an appropriate time to ask about those finances?
01:12You can't meet somebody and be like, hey, you cute. What's your credit score?
01:15No, but you do need to find out, and you can watch. Watching a person says a lot. When you start getting serious about being together, you should start getting serious about the finances. A lot of times, people just sort of let things slide, but the reality is they may be living on a credit card and do not have a window or a pot to, you know what, and a window to throw it out of. So you've got to be real.
01:41I know that's right. No romance without finance. Now, in your experience, who typically provides financial support after a divorce? Does it typically go to whoever has custody of the children?
01:52It used to be. Now it has come to a point that people are splitting that. It's no set rule. You have to be realistic with issues. Sometimes women make much or more than the man, so it's not a real rule with that. You have to discuss that up front.
02:10One of the things I suggest to couples, get a prenup. If you have money and you think there's going to be an issue later on, even if you don't think it's going to be an issue, make sure it's clear what's going to happen.
02:24Because if you have children, somebody's got to support those children, and you didn't have them alone, so you shouldn't support them alone.
02:30Right, right. Now, Dr. Sherry, prenups are often associated with people with lots of money. Do you recommend prenups for, like, everyday couples that everyone should have a prenup?
02:40I think prenups are very good because, you know, no one enters a relationship or a marriage with the idea they're going to enter the divorce.
02:49Also, sometimes people enter a relationship and they don't have money, but they will acquire money along the way.
02:55If you have a prenup that sort of spells out what you want and what the expectations, especially if you had money beforehand,
03:04it helps because it cuts all the argument, all the conflict out. You don't need all of that.
03:10Mm, not at all. Now, Dr. Sherry, is it unromantic to have separate accounts, or do you advise couples to sort of pull their money together?
03:18You know, that's a sticky, messy, messy issue. You know that.
03:22I do.
03:23You know, I really believe that. A lot of people say, oh, we're going to be one. We're going to love one another from to death do us apart.
03:31Well, you may want to, but financially, you may not be able to for whatever reason.
03:37So I say to you, make sure you have an account where both of you are putting into that account where you can pay all the common bills.
03:46After that, you must decide, and you don't have to keep it a secret, but you need your own money.
03:52You don't need to be able to say, hey, I spent $20 here or $50 here. You need that independence, and that gives you that independence with that.
04:01So I say to people, you know, it's okay to have a joint account, especially for joint bills.
04:06Right.
04:07But make sure you have something of your own.
04:10Such good advice. Dr. Sherry, it's always a pleasure having you on. I'm sorry, what were you going to say? I'll let you finish.
04:15For me and women, because a lot of times, it's only people think it's only for the woman.
04:19No, it's for both.
04:21For both the man and woman.
04:22There you go. Good advice. Dr. Sherry, thank you so much for joining us.
04:28Thank you. Now remember to send us your votes using the hashtag EssenceNow for today's viewer poll, and the question is this.
04:34Should a man provide spousal support after a divorce?
04:37Vote A, for always, or B, for only if he's the breadwinner.
04:41We've been discussing money and divorce, specifically who pays what.
04:45So let's check in one more time with Kayla to see what folks are saying.
04:48Hey, Kayla on social media. What are they saying, Kayla?
04:51So we're asking, should a man provide spousal support after divorce?
04:54A, always, or B, only if he's the breadwinner.
04:56Standing Strong says, no, he should take care of the kids if there are any.
04:59Simona Gray says, it depends on how long they were married and if her main role in the marriage was the homemaker.
05:04Karen Davis says, if one person didn't work because they agreed to that, spousal support is necessary.
05:09Ayam is watching us on YouTube.
05:11She says, breadwinner should provide, but it should have an expiration date,
05:14giving the other person a chance to make a decent income.
05:17Those are all really good points.
05:19All right, it's time to reveal the results of today's video poll.
05:22And we asked you, should a man provide spousal support after a divorce?
05:26Is it A, for always, or B, only if he's the breadwinner?
05:29And here's how you voted.
05:31Okay, so 90% of you said no, only if he's the breadwinner.
05:36And 10% said yes, the man should always give support.
05:38I agree with that.
05:39I think only if he's the breadwinner, he should give that.
05:41Do you agree that he should give spousal support?
05:43There should be limits, though.
05:44Like, spousal support forever, I don't agree with.
05:46But what if you gave up your whole career and your whole life for that person?
05:49I don't know, spousal support forever?
05:50Forever, ever!
05:51That's right, Kayla.
05:52Forever, ever.
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